BigGirlPanties
@BigGirlPanties
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Scorpio freeze out
He's confused about something..Might have another chick you're competing with.
He says there are no other women, and I have no reason to disbelieve him. I do know he is jealous, however, ad a comment he made recently indicated that. Said he knows there is no shortage of admirers for me. I've been pretty open about my feelings for him. I think its hard to convince him, though. Insecurity is a major issue within him.
Posted by BigGirlPanties
I am in the deep freeze this week. Just days after another attempt at reconciliation, wherein Mr. Scorpio became intense and more loving, he pulls the "Will call you, then doesn't" pattern. Typical reaction to increasing levels of intimacy, doesn't follow through. Made a voicemail apology, of course, but after so many of them, they lose credibility.
😢
ok, so you know this is a pattern. something else or someone else has his attention. he dips on you to do something else.
the fact that he didnt respond to your bday card would have already had me drawing up his walking papers.
Posted by DMVPosted by BigGirlPanties
I am in the deep freeze this week. Just days after another attempt at reconciliation, wherein Mr. Scorpio became intense and more loving, he pulls the "Will call you, then doesn't" pattern. Typical reaction to increasing levels of intimacy, doesn't follow through. Made a voicemail apology, of course, but after so many of them, they lose credibility.
😢
ok, so you know this is a pattern. something else or someone else has his attention. he dips on you to do something else.
the fact that he didnt respond to your bday card would have already had me drawing up his walking papers.click to expand
Yup...He's not getting birthday sex from you..That's for sure...Tell homeboy to kick rocks til he ready to play for real.
Posted by ScorpioMackinPosted by DMVPosted by BigGirlPanties
Yup...He's not getting birthday sex from you..That's for sure...Tell homeboy to kick rocks til he ready to play for real.click to expand
Ha ha...funny 😉
And yes, the lack of gratitude for the birthday aknowledgment was shocking. I just wonder if that indicates his feelings are really super hurt, or he is angry. It's hard to tell the difference with this man. He usually claims hurt feelings, rather than anger. But boy, I have never been on either side of such a deep, deep freeze.
It seems the more we inch closer towards a new layer of intimacy, connection....he pulls back. He has admitted he is actively doing the push-pull of intimacy. He chases when he wants the love, but retreats when it starts to come and get close. Fear...all fear.
Lack of birthday acknowledgement isn't a good sign at all...His feelings ain't hurt..He's off you right now...Trust me, something bout that stank and I bet u its him...Distance is your friend right now.
Posted by BigGirlPanties
It seems the more we inch closer towards a new layer of intimacy, connection....he pulls back. He has admitted he is actively doing the push-pull of intimacy. He chases when he wants the love, but retreats when it starts to come and get close. Fear...all fear.
I'm callin bullshit..whenever I do the push n pull thing...its not because i'm scared..its because I got you and realized I didn't want u as much as I thought I did..(That could be just me though)
Well he was all up in my grill lovey and dovey till he didnt follow up on the call. I'm thinking my calling him out didn't sit well, as I did it via text. I don't ever go hysterical, Im a grown woman, and assertive, so I called it like I saw it...and Poof! Mr. Silent Freezy appeared. He did this once before over a misunderstood text joke. Took a week till he got over hurt feelings. It's amazing the level of sensitivity.
"Irrational" is definitely the accurate word. He has told me before that I could always challenge his bullshit, hassle him as he put it when I felt he was acting out. So now I do, and voila! he can't take it.
I thought he was angry at me once, and I asked about it. He laughed and said no, then added "When Im upset with you, you'll know it". Uh....yeah, I think Im knowing it now. Part of me whats to try to sweet talk him out of his shell....and the other part wants to rip his head off for being a prick. Did I mention *I* have a Scorpio moon? 🙂
I thought he was angry at me once, and I asked about it. He laughed and said no, then added "When Im upset with you, you'll know it". Uh....yeah, I think Im knowing it now. Part of me whats to try to sweet talk him out of his shell....and the other part wants to rip his head off for being a prick. Did I mention *I* have a Scorpio moon? 🙂
again, if a guy i was wanting to be involved with didnt respond to my birthday card to him? oh hell no.
it would tell me how serious he was about me. meaning, not that much as i thought.
it would tell me how serious he was about me. meaning, not that much as i thought.
Posted by ScorpioMackinPosted by BigGirlPanties
It seems the more we inch closer towards a new layer of intimacy, connection....he pulls back. He has admitted he is actively doing the push-pull of intimacy. He chases when he wants the love, but retreats when it starts to come and get close. Fear...all fear.
I'm callin bullshit..whenever I do the push n pull thing...its not because i'm scared..its because I got you and realized I didn't want u as much as I thought I did..(That could be just me though)click to expand
Whoop there is it! The truth
This is the push-pull I've experienced.
"Push-Pull" - Push-Pull is a chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.
We have had one hell of a "chase me" courtship. It could be that once he gets me, he doesnt want me. But, we were not in contact for 2 months, so he didnt "have" me yet. Or it could be his inate fear of intimacy, lack of trust and all that crap. Who knows. But Im sick of the inconsistancy.
"Push-Pull" - Push-Pull is a chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.
We have had one hell of a "chase me" courtship. It could be that once he gets me, he doesnt want me. But, we were not in contact for 2 months, so he didnt "have" me yet. Or it could be his inate fear of intimacy, lack of trust and all that crap. Who knows. But Im sick of the inconsistancy.
BGP He's not ready a real relationship, men do push and pull when they are straddling the fence, men are fiercely independent, they don't have a deep desire to keep a women (until he's 100% ready to do so), he can really do without a woman until he's ready for physical contact and that is quite normal for a man to feel this way, we women (not all of us but a huge majority of women) feel we need a man (or a particular man) to be happy and feel emotionally complete, men are not taught that they need a woman to be/feel happy and whole, actually many of them are taught quite the opposite that having a woman is a burden, he can't go anywhere, do anything, have hobbies, have a life being straddled down with a wife/girlfriend and actually understanding this and embracing this can help you stop wondering about him and get on with your life, go out on dates with other men, go have fun, stop worrying about a guy that isn't that into you because if he was there is no way he'd stay gone for long periods of time, not only is he dating other women, he's stringing you "the good woman" along.
He's not courting you nor chasing you, he's just being a man and doing what (some) men do when he doesn't want to lose a "good woman" as a friend b/c maybe just maybe some day he'll grow up and change his mind and you'll be waiting for him, you'll be available for him so he'll come in and come out of your life b/c he never wants to give you the impression he's going to stay but he doesn't want to give you the impression that he's completely done with you either. He FEELS SAFE AND SECURE knowing that you are completely available.
You wanna see his ass squirm, stop being available to him, the next time he comes back DON'T ANSWER, don't be available and tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't take any man that comes in and out of your life serious and your time is valuable and say good bye...You'll see if he's truly into you, he'll stop that dance and allow you in.
As long as you use all these excuses about him being sensitive well you are giving him and OUT, you literally are giving him an outclause to push and pull with you and this push and pull dance can go on for eternity.
He's not courting you nor chasing you, he's just being a man and doing what (some) men do when he doesn't want to lose a "good woman" as a friend b/c maybe just maybe some day he'll grow up and change his mind and you'll be waiting for him, you'll be available for him so he'll come in and come out of your life b/c he never wants to give you the impression he's going to stay but he doesn't want to give you the impression that he's completely done with you either. He FEELS SAFE AND SECURE knowing that you are completely available.
You wanna see his ass squirm, stop being available to him, the next time he comes back DON'T ANSWER, don't be available and tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't take any man that comes in and out of your life serious and your time is valuable and say good bye...You'll see if he's truly into you, he'll stop that dance and allow you in.
As long as you use all these excuses about him being sensitive well you are giving him and OUT, you literally are giving him an outclause to push and pull with you and this push and pull dance can go on for eternity.
Also men have there own emotional process, push and pull is a part of that process, if you deeply understand this and embrace this then you'll stop caring about it so much and focus on you and your life, we women (most of us) have our own emotional process which usually goes in a straight consecutive pattern and men DON'T UNDERSTAND our emotional patterns and need to connect all the time, men are different, it's up and down, it's in and out, it's push and pull and if you focus on his process you'll go crazy and be completely immersed and distracted so much so that you can't live and be happy with your own life.
If this guy truly is into you he'll inevitably get it together but you have to stop enabling because you are actually part of the problem, you are being like his mother coddling his feelings being intensely focused on him and his moods like a nurturing caregiver (which by the way can turn a man off and easily turn him into a friend were he doesn't feel intense need and sexual desire for you) and that's the last thing he needs and just leave it alone for a little while and if you want to keep him in your life then be there for him when he's available but don't give all of yourself to him yet, don't worry about his jealousies and insecurities, don't own his stuff, it's his life and he'll have to do the work to overcome his own stuff, reassuring him and being completely available is HURTING your situation, it's pushing your relationship in backwards motion b/c he understands he's being allowed to be ENABLED to be insecure and jealous and you'll sit there and hold his hand over it and put up with his shit.
The attitude taken has to be...your jealous, your insecure so what, it's not all about you and as long as you aren't doing anything directly to make him feel insecure and jealous then he shouldn't be displaying so much neurosis around unless he's just broken and needs professional help but most likely if you change how you relate to his behavior he'll turn it all around and become the good boyfriend you desire to have or he'll leave and find another girl to ENABLE and MAKE EXCUSES which allow him to stay stuck in his insecure jealous ways.
If this guy truly is into you he'll inevitably get it together but you have to stop enabling because you are actually part of the problem, you are being like his mother coddling his feelings being intensely focused on him and his moods like a nurturing caregiver (which by the way can turn a man off and easily turn him into a friend were he doesn't feel intense need and sexual desire for you) and that's the last thing he needs and just leave it alone for a little while and if you want to keep him in your life then be there for him when he's available but don't give all of yourself to him yet, don't worry about his jealousies and insecurities, don't own his stuff, it's his life and he'll have to do the work to overcome his own stuff, reassuring him and being completely available is HURTING your situation, it's pushing your relationship in backwards motion b/c he understands he's being allowed to be ENABLED to be insecure and jealous and you'll sit there and hold his hand over it and put up with his shit.
The attitude taken has to be...your jealous, your insecure so what, it's not all about you and as long as you aren't doing anything directly to make him feel insecure and jealous then he shouldn't be displaying so much neurosis around unless he's just broken and needs professional help but most likely if you change how you relate to his behavior he'll turn it all around and become the good boyfriend you desire to have or he'll leave and find another girl to ENABLE and MAKE EXCUSES which allow him to stay stuck in his insecure jealous ways.
Very articulate 🙂
Tiki...all I have to say is....how much do I owe you and where can I mail the check?
I'm going to send you a PM, but here in public, I'd just like to give you a sincere (((Thank you))) 🙂
I'm going to send you a PM, but here in public, I'd just like to give you a sincere (((Thank you))) 🙂
Tiki really just articulate everything on the money. I am going to detach. I do see the signs she indicated. I have been without him for the last 2.5 months, this last week was a brief attempt to reconnect, so my healing has just been slightly interuppted. I AM valuable and I believe if I don't TREAT myself as such, neither will he.
I needed that reminder!!
I needed that reminder!!
Gem,
Yes I've read your thread "How to get a Scorpio back". I can see you have quite a bit of experience in dealing with them. i agree with all you've said, indeed they do like strong and indepedent women. I also agree that I should have been/be putting more effort into dating others. I've got a venus in Cancer so that makes it hard. Plus being a Leo, I'm so loyal and "one man" woman. I do intend to change that and start dating others.
I love your analogy of not going without extra cash...very sound indeed! On another note, I always find it so interesting that these men are so intuitive, they can somehow tell when the woman is moving on/losing interest, because thats when they "mysteriously" reappear. It's happened twice already with me....so eery!
Yes I've read your thread "How to get a Scorpio back". I can see you have quite a bit of experience in dealing with them. i agree with all you've said, indeed they do like strong and indepedent women. I also agree that I should have been/be putting more effort into dating others. I've got a venus in Cancer so that makes it hard. Plus being a Leo, I'm so loyal and "one man" woman. I do intend to change that and start dating others.
I love your analogy of not going without extra cash...very sound indeed! On another note, I always find it so interesting that these men are so intuitive, they can somehow tell when the woman is moving on/losing interest, because thats when they "mysteriously" reappear. It's happened twice already with me....so eery!
Posted by allme
hi bgp
sorry ur outside the shell right now 😢
I'm going to speak for myself as well as one of my guy best friends since childhood who is a scorp. we can be very selfish with our feelings...we give to c what we can get back...we question everything + everyone (repeatedly)
setting someone "outside" of ourselves does NOT necessarily mean it's them...it can be us. we have an innate ability of perception but a lack of understanding as to why...so we accept it as fact when it may just be "feeling"
problem with this is feelings can be misconstrued when they enter the thought process :/ in other words we get pretty f'd up when logic & emotions collide
the truth is he may not question you or "us" (the two of u together)
we need to feel secure or we freeze. that security can have everything or nothing to do with u. His mind could be occupied with influences you are not even aware of (work finances stress family etc)
I'd recommend that you see him and ask point blank
you will know if you look into his eyes
Thank you, Allme...I like how you word it "outside the shell". THAT is very descriptive of what it's like to be held at arms distance with this scop man. Always felt he didn't quite trust me 100% , esp with having a Cap moon. I do appreciate your sharing your experience with "Selfish feelings". I can see that in his behavior. Also that scorps have that inner turmoil of emotions vs logic. What a battle. Im a scorpio moon, and all I do is feel feel fell. Add my venus in cancer and I'm a full blooded emotional ball of feeling. Ugh...
Posted by ScorpioMackinPosted by BigGirlPanties
It seems the more we inch closer towards a new layer of intimacy, connection....he pulls back. He has admitted he is actively doing the push-pull of intimacy. He chases when he wants the love, but retreats when it starts to come and get close. Fear...all fear.
I'm callin bullshit..whenever I do the push n pull thing...its not because i'm scared..its because I got you and realized I didn't want u as much as I thought I did..(That could be just me though)click to expand
Wow. You kept it really real.
Ohh Gem..great reply! Ha....will be interesting to see when/if he does reply. Why was he freezing you out in the first place? And how long did the freeze last?
No word from my Scorpio butthead. Been 9 days. Brrrr, it's getting cold in here....! 😉
No word from my Scorpio butthead. Been 9 days. Brrrr, it's getting cold in here....! 😉
Tiki you should seriously be paid for that kind of insight and advice. Wow. Going through something similar to BGP right now... and I think I'm doing the right thing by letting him decide if he feels like chasing me or not, as I get on with my life. Major insecurity issues.
This happened to me a few months ago with this man. He emailed me a few times in one day and I made a joke that I was going to report him to the email police. He took it quite offensively, and replied with a "Wow, my apologies, it will never happen again". I could see how darn sensitive he was, so I replied that I was just teasing, that I was happy to get his emails and it was just a joke. He didnt reply back. Later, I emailed and said again, I was teasing and felt awful if I hurt him. I was quite sincere. He again, didn't reply. Then I got pissed. I replied that I was pissed that he couldnt have the decency to acknowledge my apology and let me know he understood it was a joke.
A week later...he emails, says that yes, he was hurt by the reply and EVEN after I had told him it was a joke, he still was hurt and couldnt let it go. He said he attributed it to our continued "uncertainty" (ie: mistrust) of each other and our past miscommunications. So, very interesting that even when sincere humility and apology is shown, he still couldn't let it go. The mistrust and bad communication is def a reflection on HIS beavior towards me. No matter how open I have been about my affection for him, he still wont trust me. This time, I confronted him more directly and seriously than a joke, hence I am in Siberia. I am just not cut out for this man's level of sensitivity and his immature way of dealing with it.
A week later...he emails, says that yes, he was hurt by the reply and EVEN after I had told him it was a joke, he still was hurt and couldnt let it go. He said he attributed it to our continued "uncertainty" (ie: mistrust) of each other and our past miscommunications. So, very interesting that even when sincere humility and apology is shown, he still couldn't let it go. The mistrust and bad communication is def a reflection on HIS beavior towards me. No matter how open I have been about my affection for him, he still wont trust me. This time, I confronted him more directly and seriously than a joke, hence I am in Siberia. I am just not cut out for this man's level of sensitivity and his immature way of dealing with it.
Well Gem, something tells me you haven't heard the last from him. His "stuttering" tells me you have surprised him and NOW you have the power. Please report back if/when you heard from him. I will do same..if I do.
I DO have venus in Cancer and it kills me to let go of men I love....or even friends I love. Man, it it tough. Im also moon Scorpio so that retaliation lays within me to. I dont seek revenge on people but I can write a soul ripping email. Ive have grown quite a bit thru the years and gotten better, but when hurt, I can and do say what I mean in a firm way.
I applaud you for letting him go and in an approprite way. As a V in cancer, that is hard to do. I think Id like to do the same if I hear from my man again. Be kind but firm and decisive. I do believe in the principle that we "teach people how to treat us" and I WANT this cold shit silent siberian shut out to cease. I feel if I accept it, tht it will only continue. As the days go on without him, I am feeling the letting go a bit more each day. When he does comes back, I really may not have trouble saying bye bye.
I applaud you for letting him go and in an approprite way. As a V in cancer, that is hard to do. I think Id like to do the same if I hear from my man again. Be kind but firm and decisive. I do believe in the principle that we "teach people how to treat us" and I WANT this cold shit silent siberian shut out to cease. I feel if I accept it, tht it will only continue. As the days go on without him, I am feeling the letting go a bit more each day. When he does comes back, I really may not have trouble saying bye bye.
Im Leo sun, Venus Cancer, Scorpio Moon...what a combo! Gemini rising, btw...
Most of the other aspects of my chart are water, very little fire other than the Leo sun. Leo's are so loyal...to a sick fault. I know I need to move on and at this point, I have no other choice, since he is on his "cold hold out". My biggest concern is if/when he does come back. Then I will be challenged to make a decision. I already intend to take Tiki's advice for sure. I believe I simply have to stand my ground for my dignity and self esteem. There is no other choice, and if I cannot make him see that I am worth it for him to make changes, then he must be scarificed. ha!
Most of the other aspects of my chart are water, very little fire other than the Leo sun. Leo's are so loyal...to a sick fault. I know I need to move on and at this point, I have no other choice, since he is on his "cold hold out". My biggest concern is if/when he does come back. Then I will be challenged to make a decision. I already intend to take Tiki's advice for sure. I believe I simply have to stand my ground for my dignity and self esteem. There is no other choice, and if I cannot make him see that I am worth it for him to make changes, then he must be scarificed. ha!
i know a venus in cancer and that is a tough placement for love especially when the love isnt being reciprocated.
Posted by FireDragonScorpioPosted by ScorpioMackinPosted by BigGirlPanties
It seems the more we inch closer towards a new layer of intimacy, connection....he pulls back. He has admitted he is actively doing the push-pull of intimacy. He chases when he wants the love, but retreats when it starts to come and get close. Fear...all fear.
I'm callin bullshit..whenever I do the push n pull thing...its not because i'm scared..its because I got you and realized I didn't want u as much as I thought I did..(That could be just me though)
naah...it's not just you. i do exactly the same. sometimes the wanting is better than the getting, lol.click to expand
he sure does
Mine is actually Libsco. But he did the "I'm too scared to have a relationship, lets be friends" after contacting ME out of the blue and totally starting down that path. This is his 2nd chance. Hm. Maybe next time I just say no, sorry, you already did this to me twice, what on earth reason do I have to believe you're not going to flip on me in a few days? BC I KNOW there'll be a next time. 'Course my scorpio vengance side wants to MAKE there be a next time, just so I can say no. But.. I have a feeling it'd be a temporary no, and turn into a yes after I made him squirm. (not very nice am I?)
Sky, Tiki's advice is appropriate for you too, it seems. We do teach people how to treat us and if WE keep allowing the same behavior by taking them back, then WE are reinforcing their crappy behavior. Just like a screaming kid in the grocery store gets a cookie to be quiet, they are being taught that they SHOULD scream again inthe store cus they get a cookie when they do. So, lets stop giving out cookies to them fuck tards.
Its been 11 days of ICE out for me. Dude's making a record, but as every day passes, I get a bit more pissed off...so Im throwing away my cookie batter and he is gonna eat a rock sammich before he gets my love again.
Its been 11 days of ICE out for me. Dude's making a record, but as every day passes, I get a bit more pissed off...so Im throwing away my cookie batter and he is gonna eat a rock sammich before he gets my love again.
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He didn't like that I confronted him about it, gently, and I am now the recipient of a nice, silent chill out. Despite my sending a nice B-day card and text, both went unacknowledged. I sent my final email today, sharing my loving feelings for him, yet placing a firm boundary, but has gone unread. My sweetie is oh so sensitive and so I am letting him go. I know I cannot "talk" him out of his sensitive feelings, or get him to see how his inconsistant communication is hurtful to me. I will just release him and pray for his happiness.
Sigh. 😢