GemIKnow
@GemIKnow
14 YearsGemini
Comments: 3 · Posts: 60 · Topics: 6
Sexual chemistry vs emotional chemistry?
I'm honestly amazed that this is a problem for you. Scorpios are notoriously sexual, and Pisces have a reputation as freaks in the sheets too. You mentioned he wants to develop an emotional connection first because he's been so promiscuous in the past; maybe he has a guilty conscience about past flings and is being obsessively repentant? You said you dropped that (indirect) hint of your lack of satisfaction by saying you need a girlfriend; perhaps you should be more direct about it?
There's nothing wrong with sex, and I believe sexual chemistry and emotional chemistry should be build in tandem. For us water signs (I'm a Cancer fyi) it usually happens that way naturally.
That's my 2 cents. I have no idea what your Scorp's deal is. Hopefully our wonderful DXP Scorps can shed some light.
There's nothing wrong with sex, and I believe sexual chemistry and emotional chemistry should be build in tandem. For us water signs (I'm a Cancer fyi) it usually happens that way naturally.
That's my 2 cents. I have no idea what your Scorp's deal is. Hopefully our wonderful DXP Scorps can shed some light.
damn 2x a months is all your "gifted"? sounds like some power struggles on both sides. further, the sutble manipulation with the 3some convo is just more evidence that he's holding out and only rewarding you when youve been a good girl. do you guys have trust issues?
you opened the door about being with another girl. he is going to take the ball and show you a play of his own.
once you get real with him and voice to him that your unfulfilled, your going to continue to be frustrated. once he has gotten down the bottom of you, he will put out more. he's like a girl holding out to control her man who she doesnt trust.
ive been messing with a scorpio for some time now and he is stingy with the dick. omg. and when he puts out, its like he's doing you a favor lol.
you opened the door about being with another girl. he is going to take the ball and show you a play of his own.
once you get real with him and voice to him that your unfulfilled, your going to continue to be frustrated. once he has gotten down the bottom of you, he will put out more. he's like a girl holding out to control her man who she doesnt trust.
ive been messing with a scorpio for some time now and he is stingy with the dick. omg. and when he puts out, its like he's doing you a favor lol.
And in reference to a previous thread I started in May (I don't want to open up an old thread) the emotional connection is intense. We're the best of friends, he sees through my perceived "flakiness" and I understand his depth a bit more to read what is NOT being said. So the relationship is absolutely thriving everywhere but the bedroom, and I'm having a difficult time understanding why. We had a long talk earlier and I made it clear to him exactly what was on my mind, and fair enough he let me know his side as well. Sex just isn't that important to him at this time. I told him back in May (and I have a feeling he's using this against me mentally) that regardless of how strong an emotional connection there is, if the sex sucks I wouldn't stick around. Guess this is an infamous Scorpio test, see if I'll stand the test of time. I know he's put on some weight and that's a small part of his problem (I don't mind), but it's getting harder and harder for me to be attracted to him knowing that I get turned down if I initiate, and he doesn't initiate at all.
ZenBear: I'm amazed too, lol. The excessive repentance though...didn't think about that.
I'm crazy in love with him. I can be patient if I know the end goal is worth it. End goal being we have an amazing emotional relationship and a fabulous sexual relationship, all intertwined. I'm basing that worth on his past sexual exploits in addition to the Scorpio reputation as well as what I've already experienced with him.
In the meantime, more questions for you male Scorpios...I plan on being completely myself, so don't get me wrong, but as a Gemini I have no problem adapting to try something new...what moves do you prefer most? Take charge kind of girl or submissive? Not the shallow outerwear- leather or lace, etc, but actual sexual chemistry...what's best. How do I ensure I'm not being a selfish lover? I don't think I am, but my Scorpio mentioned something that has my mind racing.
When we do pursue our sex life (eventually) I want to be everything he's ever wanted all rolled into one. What's the absolute best thing you've ever experienced sexually? Preferably while in a relationship, as it's my understanding that Scorpio sex is a bit different when it's on a temporary basis. How can I let him know that kind of sex is ok too while in a relationship?
ZenBear: I'm amazed too, lol. The excessive repentance though...didn't think about that.
I'm crazy in love with him. I can be patient if I know the end goal is worth it. End goal being we have an amazing emotional relationship and a fabulous sexual relationship, all intertwined. I'm basing that worth on his past sexual exploits in addition to the Scorpio reputation as well as what I've already experienced with him.
In the meantime, more questions for you male Scorpios...I plan on being completely myself, so don't get me wrong, but as a Gemini I have no problem adapting to try something new...what moves do you prefer most? Take charge kind of girl or submissive? Not the shallow outerwear- leather or lace, etc, but actual sexual chemistry...what's best. How do I ensure I'm not being a selfish lover? I don't think I am, but my Scorpio mentioned something that has my mind racing.
When we do pursue our sex life (eventually) I want to be everything he's ever wanted all rolled into one. What's the absolute best thing you've ever experienced sexually? Preferably while in a relationship, as it's my understanding that Scorpio sex is a bit different when it's on a temporary basis. How can I let him know that kind of sex is ok too while in a relationship?
Posted by Jynja
It's because you're asking for it. Stop asking for it and buy a rabbit.
.
i dont agree with this. if you 2 are in a relationship, you have every expectation of sex and have every right to ask for it.
i do agree that pestering is something completely different. u could be inflating his ego with your harmless requests.
ask youself, why would you hold out from your boyfriend? cause he was being a bad boy.
so you already know what he's being stingy. i dont know about those other questions. you either got a magic stick or magic box or ya dont. cant fake of front sexual activity that isnt indigenous to your psyche. you must feel your sexual confidence my young pupil.
how many partners have you had?
porn is a great place to get tips.
do u suck dick? do u sick dick well? *scorpio men love gettin their dick wet
are u a fish or a twin?
how many partners have you had?
porn is a great place to get tips.
do u suck dick? do u sick dick well? *scorpio men love gettin their dick wet
are u a fish or a twin?
Posted by JynjaPosted by DMVPosted by Jynja
It's because you're asking for it. Stop asking for it and buy a rabbit.
.
i dont agree with this. if you 2 are in a relationship, you have every expectation of sex and have every right to ask for it.
i do agree that pestering is something completely different. u could be inflating his ego with your harmless requests.
ask youself, why would you hold out from your boyfriend? cause he was being a bad boy.
Next line, DMV. The next line explains the first.click to expand
ahh ic
Jynja- don't get me wrong, I have a slew of toys that keep me company. I'm not about to wait for him to award me with an orgasm...I have a toy chest and rechargeable batteries, lol. No worries there.
DMV- dead and center. You nailed it. I trust him, he doesn't fully trust me I'm learning. Partially because I'm female and partially due to what was said back in May (feel free to refer to my previous thread if you care to research). I thought we were past all of that, but I guess not. And I've said to him countless times he's the fucking girl, keeping her legs crossed til she gets what she wants. In our case, I don't really know what since he does what he pleases regardless, after responsibilities are looked after, and I think I do a good job of being generous to him.
ROFLMAO- "and when he puts out, its like he's doing you a favor lol" After sex, he has rolled over and said to me more than a few times "You're welcome" which either had me in tears or had him in a choke hold, depending on my emotions at the time. I know that's his sense of humor, but still.
DMV- dead and center. You nailed it. I trust him, he doesn't fully trust me I'm learning. Partially because I'm female and partially due to what was said back in May (feel free to refer to my previous thread if you care to research). I thought we were past all of that, but I guess not. And I've said to him countless times he's the fucking girl, keeping her legs crossed til she gets what she wants. In our case, I don't really know what since he does what he pleases regardless, after responsibilities are looked after, and I think I do a good job of being generous to him.
ROFLMAO- "and when he puts out, its like he's doing you a favor lol" After sex, he has rolled over and said to me more than a few times "You're welcome" which either had me in tears or had him in a choke hold, depending on my emotions at the time. I know that's his sense of humor, but still.
See that's just it, DMV- I'm not experienced in numbers, but I am overall very comfortable with my sexuality, always have been. Always willing to learn more. I love porn, watching it alone at least, because I do learn from it. I am completely confidant sexually- but not at all with him. I'm not comfortable sexually with him, because every time I try to do my thing he either criticizes or changes direction altogether. He says I'm selfish sexually, but my main goal is getting him off. I get off on that, in addition to the amazing things he can do to me. I freaking LOVE to go down on a guy and have been told on numerous occasions how skilled I am in the act. However, before I've had the opportunity to try with him, he told me how much he dislikes head, blah, blah, blah...yet everytime I've gone down on him I've gotten him off quickly. Keep in mind, I'm aware he could have been playing the whole "oh, no girl can get me off like that" game to get a girl to try harder...but I put the same effort in everytime, regardless of who I'm with so I'm not chalking his O to a mindgame.
The more insight I gain from you ladies, the more I'm thinking it's resorted to a stupid game...power of the pussy, but in reverse. This? This is what drives me away.
I am a Gemini (June 6).
The more insight I gain from you ladies, the more I'm thinking it's resorted to a stupid game...power of the pussy, but in reverse. This? This is what drives me away.
I am a Gemini (June 6).
And just to provide a bit more info than needed, I've done ballet the majority of my life...ballet = hours of nonstop kegals = pretty damn tight. So no problems there either. I'm fucking frustrated...somebody give me some mental stimulation!
Posted by GemIKnow
ROFLMAO- "and when he puts out, its like he's doing you a favor lol" After sex, he has rolled over and said to me more than a few times "You're welcome" which either had me in tears or had him in a choke hold, depending on my emotions at the time. I know that's his sense of humor, but still.
its a total dick move and i hate it. he knows it gets to your skin to. now, i will tell you what i would do. fuck his friend and tell him thats its his fault for not putting out, but you might as well cancel christmas after that stunt lol.
yeah thats shits funny for the first 2 months, but after month 7, naw shit aint funny no more. it just becomes a unhealthy cycle of reward and punishments. sexual manipulation. does he have any air placements?
i can totally relate to your situation. partially, im a female you got that right. because you were born with a vagina and some girl with a vagina broke his heart, hes guarded and he has to make dead certain that he wont get fooled again.
i thought we were past all of that your never past it until the scorp passes the lie detector test admitting to the fact that hes over it.
Posted by GemIKnow
See that's just it, DMV- I'm not experienced in numbers, but I am overall very comfortable with my sexuality, always have been. Always willing to learn more. I love porn, watching it alone at least, because I do learn from it. I am completely confidant sexually- but not at all with him. I'm not comfortable sexually with him, because every time I try to do my thing he either criticizes or changes direction altogether. He says I'm selfish sexually, but my main goal is getting him off. I get off on that, in addition to the amazing things he can do to me. I freaking LOVE to go down on a guy and have been told on numerous occasions how skilled I am in the act. However, before I've had the opportunity to try with him, he told me how much he dislikes head, blah, blah, blah...yet everytime I've gone down on him I've gotten him off quickly. Keep in mind, I'm aware he could have been playing the whole "oh, no girl can get me off like that" game to get a girl to try harder...but I put the same effort in everytime, regardless of who I'm with so I'm not chalking his O to a mindgame.
The more insight I gain from you ladies, the more I'm thinking it's resorted to a stupid game...power of the pussy, but in reverse. This? This is what drives me away.
I am a Gemini (June 6).
he says all that dumb shit about not liking head because hes scared that if he says he enjoys it, you will have some power over him. like he has with you. then you'll start holding out on the blowjobs and he will be salty in the corner. getting you to try harder is only half the mission.
his main goal is to have you running for that carrot on a string, surely not him.
its all about how long your willing to be his puppet. sexual manipulation is his defense mechanism for not getting hurt. remember that. this is learned behavior. someone did it to him. sex puts him in his most vulnerable spot.
he also doesnt want to be used for sex. so he suppresses his sexual side so you wont take advantage of him. love me for me kind of bs. not whats in my pants. self stinging at its finest. only to him its self preservation.
Posted by GemIKnow
I am a Gemini (June 6).
Ah, my mistake. I read your little profile box incorrectly. 😛
Anywho, as others have said it certainly seems like he's trying to stay in control. It's how Scorpios are, in my experience, and it honestly pisses me off. I get protecting yourself, but being a control freak manipulator is so pointlessly selfish and cruel.
As a Gemini, I imagine it would bother you even more than it does me, were you not so smitten with him. I don't mean to be a cynic/downer, but do you REALLY think he's such a great match for you? He's always going to want to be in control, and you're never going to be comfortable being controlled. I imagine you want to be free to do what you want, when you want to do it, and he will never trust you to do what HE wants. You've stated that he claims you're a selfish lover; that may well be, despite the fact that you do things to get him off it seems to him like it's only because that's what you want and not because you want to give him what he wants.
This is all merely my opinion, so take it with salt.
Thank you for sharing, my scorps is the same way.. Sometimes I get so frustrated with things being said here about scorpio sexuality. Im a Sagg and you know how we value sex in a relationship. We used to do it everywhere.
Now, gone.
I just deal with it, I still love him.. Nothin else , If he dont want I dont push it. It doesnt feel that he's cheatin anyways.
I Love scorps! He's V in Scorp
Now, gone.
I just deal with it, I still love him.. Nothin else , If he dont want I dont push it. It doesnt feel that he's cheatin anyways.
I Love scorps! He's V in Scorp
Ok, lots to reply to, lol! I'll start backwards...
Harry99- to the post you deleted, he's a Scorpio and his sign is as follows, at least to the best of my knowledge:
Sun Scorpio 13.50
Moon Taurus 27.09
Mercury Libra 27.25
Venus Sagittarius 3.32
Mars Libra 18.43
Jupiter Aries 22.12 R
Saturn Sagittarius 19.09
Uranus Sagittarius 24.29
Neptune Capricorn 5.56
Pluto Scorpio 10.05
Lilith Leo 8.52
Asc node Aries 1.36
I'm not a cheater- I'd rather end a relationship than cheat. But I don't care for manipulation tactics either.
DMV- Agreed. I see it as self-stinging and he's self-preserving. I definitely see the sexual manipulation as his defense for not getting hurt. I will try to keep that in mind.
Ellybean- holy crap. I Googled "Madonna complex" and good ol' Freud was spot-on. Hopefully we can get past this, but based on previous conversations we've had and how he's having to mentally re-wire to be in a relationship, I truly believe he's got the M/W complex.
OMG, Jynja...the funniest part about your post is exactly when you were typing it, I was in the kitchen getting a bowl of frozen fruit to munch on, lol. Screw ice. And my Mars in Scorpio certainly doesn't make this easier, lol. Nice manllow picture, btw. How kind of you to provide a reference. 🙂
Harry99- to the post you deleted, he's a Scorpio and his sign is as follows, at least to the best of my knowledge:
Sun Scorpio 13.50
Moon Taurus 27.09
Mercury Libra 27.25
Venus Sagittarius 3.32
Mars Libra 18.43
Jupiter Aries 22.12 R
Saturn Sagittarius 19.09
Uranus Sagittarius 24.29
Neptune Capricorn 5.56
Pluto Scorpio 10.05
Lilith Leo 8.52
Asc node Aries 1.36
I'm not a cheater- I'd rather end a relationship than cheat. But I don't care for manipulation tactics either.
DMV- Agreed. I see it as self-stinging and he's self-preserving. I definitely see the sexual manipulation as his defense for not getting hurt. I will try to keep that in mind.
Ellybean- holy crap. I Googled "Madonna complex" and good ol' Freud was spot-on. Hopefully we can get past this, but based on previous conversations we've had and how he's having to mentally re-wire to be in a relationship, I truly believe he's got the M/W complex.
OMG, Jynja...the funniest part about your post is exactly when you were typing it, I was in the kitchen getting a bowl of frozen fruit to munch on, lol. Screw ice. And my Mars in Scorpio certainly doesn't make this easier, lol. Nice manllow picture, btw. How kind of you to provide a reference. 🙂
Venus Sagittarius? kidding me?
Posted by GemIKnow
Ok, lots to reply to, lol! I'll start backwards...
Harry99- to the post you deleted, he's a Scorpio and his sign is as follows, at least to the best of my knowledge:
Sun Scorpio 13.50
Moon Taurus 27.09
Mercury Libra 27.25
Venus Sagittarius 3.32
Mars Libra 18.43
Jupiter Aries 22.12 R
Saturn Sagittarius 19.09
Uranus Sagittarius 24.29
Neptune Capricorn 5.56
Pluto Scorpio 10.05
Lilith Leo 8.52
Asc node Aries 1.36
men with a venus in saggo are hard to lasso. you have your hands full. especially with a hedonistic tauri moon and that mars in libra. mars in air signs arent as sexual as mars in the other signs. mars in air gets off by thinking of getting off. they think more then feel.
dude has too many sexual placements to not want to get it on.
the scorp who i referenced also has a venus in sagg. this apsect tends to have multiple women to fulfill multiple things. one woman to screw, one to talk to, one to be in a relationship with. not to say hes going to cheat, but eh this venus placement makes me weary.
Posted by ZenBearPosted by GemIKnow
I am a Gemini (June 6).
Ah, my mistake. I read your little profile box incorrectly. 😛
Anywho, as others have said it certainly seems like he's trying to stay in control. It's how Scorpios are, in my experience, and it honestly pisses me off. I get protecting yourself, but being a control freak manipulator is so pointlessly selfish and cruel.
As a Gemini, I imagine it would bother you even more than it does me, were you not so smitten with him. I don't mean to be a cynic/downer, but do you REALLY think he's such a great match for you? He's always going to want to be in control, and you're never going to be comfortable being controlled. t.click to expand
i concur. this type of manipulation will always be around in your relationship. it will be like his go-to card. this scorp needs to heal.
Posted by SagienScorp23
Thank you for sharing, my scorps is the same way.. Sometimes I get so frustrated with things being said here about scorpio sexuality. Im a Sagg and you know how we value sex in a relationship. We used to do it everywhere.
Now, gone.
I just deal with it, I still love him.. Nothin else , If he dont want I dont push it. It doesnt feel that he's cheatin anyways.
I Love scorps! He's V in Scorp
un huh. your not alone. after 2 years of messing with my scorpio, he finally got freaky one night. 2 damn years of maybe sleeping together once every 2-3 months. crazy, but i get why he holds back.
sucks though. he got freaky and the next time, back to vanilla.
dude was majorly butt fucked and is trying to prevent being bent over again.
Emotional chemistry? What's that..... friendship? :-/
I've aways battled with this issue myself. Sexual or emotional chemistry, one always takes the upper hand. Sometimes it starts like sexual chemistry but goes downhill once you form a somewhat steady relationship with the girl.
I don't know if this is some sort of an emotional block on my behalf or if most men are biologically wound up this way. I would guess the latter. No matter how much your hubby loves you he could still manage an erection with a perfect stranger and enjoy himself (but of course he won't out of consideration for you!) .... you can't precisely say that about most women.
I know I know, you're better off not knowing 😢 Men are messed up, biologically speaking. I hope I didn't burst any bubbles here.
I've aways battled with this issue myself. Sexual or emotional chemistry, one always takes the upper hand. Sometimes it starts like sexual chemistry but goes downhill once you form a somewhat steady relationship with the girl.
I don't know if this is some sort of an emotional block on my behalf or if most men are biologically wound up this way. I would guess the latter. No matter how much your hubby loves you he could still manage an erection with a perfect stranger and enjoy himself (but of course he won't out of consideration for you!) .... you can't precisely say that about most women.
I know I know, you're better off not knowing 😢 Men are messed up, biologically speaking. I hope I didn't burst any bubbles here.
Ok, where to begin? Had an early day today, so logged off DxP early last night.
DMV: "its all about how long your willing to be his puppet. sexual manipulation is his defense mechanism for not getting hurt. remember that. this is learned behavior. someone did it to him. sex puts him in his most vulnerable spot.
he also doesnt want to be used for sex. so he suppresses his sexual side so you wont take advantage of him. love me for me kind of bs. not whats in my pants. self stinging at its finest. only to him its self preservation.
mars in air signs arent as sexual as mars in the other signs. mars in air gets off by thinking of getting off. they think more then feel."
While I'm unsure if it's legit sexual manipulation, I totally agree it's his defense mechanism due to learned behavior. Let's just say he was introduced/molested pretty severely at 11 by one of his mother's friends no less...so yes, he is most vulnerable with sex, yet due to his extreme promiscuity throughout his life (not disloyal while dating, to clear confusion) has maintained the "on top" control of the other person pretty much every time, regardless of the duration of their time together. He doesn't want to be used for sex, has a much deeper connection with me than past relationships and has constantly told me that I'm the first girl he's considered, and wants to, marry for who I am rather than outside reasons (kids). He's never been married, but only wants to do so once. I, on the other hand, am divorced.
He has mixed feelings about trusting women most likely due to the woman who molested him- it was all fun and games (although way, way, WAY inappropriate pedophilia) until her husband joined in without an 11 year old's consent. Also, problems trusting women- where was mom during all of this?
Please note that I would never, ever post these specific details if anyone actually knew who we were. However, due to my understanding, don't most Scorps have severe introductions to sex at a young age? A necessary evil that helps form the cynical, sexually knowledged & powerful deep brooders that you are?
And the mars in air sign...yes, I agree now that I look back on it...he does get off by thinking more than feeling. Right now I believe he's got too much else on his mind. Back in May I received some awesome advice from DXP ladies that has helped my relationship flourish and me to understand his side much better. While the no sex has still been an issue for me, it hasn't rea
DMV: "its all about how long your willing to be his puppet. sexual manipulation is his defense mechanism for not getting hurt. remember that. this is learned behavior. someone did it to him. sex puts him in his most vulnerable spot.
he also doesnt want to be used for sex. so he suppresses his sexual side so you wont take advantage of him. love me for me kind of bs. not whats in my pants. self stinging at its finest. only to him its self preservation.
mars in air signs arent as sexual as mars in the other signs. mars in air gets off by thinking of getting off. they think more then feel."
While I'm unsure if it's legit sexual manipulation, I totally agree it's his defense mechanism due to learned behavior. Let's just say he was introduced/molested pretty severely at 11 by one of his mother's friends no less...so yes, he is most vulnerable with sex, yet due to his extreme promiscuity throughout his life (not disloyal while dating, to clear confusion) has maintained the "on top" control of the other person pretty much every time, regardless of the duration of their time together. He doesn't want to be used for sex, has a much deeper connection with me than past relationships and has constantly told me that I'm the first girl he's considered, and wants to, marry for who I am rather than outside reasons (kids). He's never been married, but only wants to do so once. I, on the other hand, am divorced.
He has mixed feelings about trusting women most likely due to the woman who molested him- it was all fun and games (although way, way, WAY inappropriate pedophilia) until her husband joined in without an 11 year old's consent. Also, problems trusting women- where was mom during all of this?
Please note that I would never, ever post these specific details if anyone actually knew who we were. However, due to my understanding, don't most Scorps have severe introductions to sex at a young age? A necessary evil that helps form the cynical, sexually knowledged & powerful deep brooders that you are?
And the mars in air sign...yes, I agree now that I look back on it...he does get off by thinking more than feeling. Right now I believe he's got too much else on his mind. Back in May I received some awesome advice from DXP ladies that has helped my relationship flourish and me to understand his side much better. While the no sex has still been an issue for me, it hasn't rea
While the no sex has still been an issue for me, it hasn't really held back our relationship like it did months ago. Last night I was just super pent up and frustrated. And I normally don't curse, but was def flavoring my sentences yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I still fully feel that side to us needs a chance to thrive and he's unfairly deciding for the both of us that it's unneccessary for us at this time. We talked about that a lot last night. I don't want sex for shallow sex sake. I want our relationship to fully thrive on every aspect, not one or the other. I have a difficult time opening up sexually and have been making a point to overcome that, and his reaction has been completely opposite of what I perceived and assumed it would be, further throwing me off balance. However, I can open up emotionally to a stranger on a bus. He, on the other hand, does not open up emotionally to most anyone, yet sex was the ice breaker prior to me.
Harry99: "You can't read his mind so you don't know what's going on. He may be trying to protect himself/test you to see if u really want him or he may be trying to manipulate u and gain control over you. The last part is a big no no and can lead to a whole bunch of problems for you. Is he controlling in any other ways in ur relationships?"
I can't read his mind, true, but he's really good at speaking his mind. Sometimes too clearly and I overlook the obvious in search of the hidden meaning. He does that to me all the time, guess it's a Scorpio thing- don't take anything at face value.
No, he's not really controlling in any other ways relationship-wise. Yes, in the day to day bit he aggravates me occasionally...I'll come home from work and he's on a cleaning rampage and decided to rearrange the kitchen for the umpteenth time because he's the one that cooks the most...drives me nuts because that's my favorite room in the house and once he changes things all around I can NEVER find anything lol. And most of the stuff in there is mine. But really, who can truly complain about that? He cooks and cleans...pros outweigh the cons. I'm just OCD so it gets under my skin when I can't find something that was clearly labeled and sorted.
But no, he encourages my personal freedom constantly, pushes me to try new things that I was otherwise closed off to. I grew up really sheltered, he had literally no guidance...so we're coming at this relationship from completely opposite angles. I have been (still am, on occasion) a master of manipulation so I know when he's trying to manipulate me. I can see right through it unless I purposely blind myself, and even then I know what's up. Typically I call him on it right then and there, maybe in jest but he still knows I'm aware. And the manipulation tends to be in arguments when I'm criticizing him in any way...he'll try to change the topic slightly to change it to an example of when I was in the wrong. It's a diversion tactic meant to emotionally get me on the defense to distract from the offense. Plus, he can leave the argument feeling like he's in the right, regardless of how I felt he was in the wrong in the original topic. He gets called on that one to the point he recognizes when he's doing it now, lol.
I can't read his mind, true, but he's really good at speaking his mind. Sometimes too clearly and I overlook the obvious in search of the hidden meaning. He does that to me all the time, guess it's a Scorpio thing- don't take anything at face value.
No, he's not really controlling in any other ways relationship-wise. Yes, in the day to day bit he aggravates me occasionally...I'll come home from work and he's on a cleaning rampage and decided to rearrange the kitchen for the umpteenth time because he's the one that cooks the most...drives me nuts because that's my favorite room in the house and once he changes things all around I can NEVER find anything lol. And most of the stuff in there is mine. But really, who can truly complain about that? He cooks and cleans...pros outweigh the cons. I'm just OCD so it gets under my skin when I can't find something that was clearly labeled and sorted.
But no, he encourages my personal freedom constantly, pushes me to try new things that I was otherwise closed off to. I grew up really sheltered, he had literally no guidance...so we're coming at this relationship from completely opposite angles. I have been (still am, on occasion) a master of manipulation so I know when he's trying to manipulate me. I can see right through it unless I purposely blind myself, and even then I know what's up. Typically I call him on it right then and there, maybe in jest but he still knows I'm aware. And the manipulation tends to be in arguments when I'm criticizing him in any way...he'll try to change the topic slightly to change it to an example of when I was in the wrong. It's a diversion tactic meant to emotionally get me on the defense to distract from the offense. Plus, he can leave the argument feeling like he's in the right, regardless of how I felt he was in the wrong in the original topic. He gets called on that one to the point he recognizes when he's doing it now, lol.
@ Intrigued Scorp:
I agree that this isn't really manipulation for the same reason you stated- What man manipulates to NOT have sex?!? I mean really! That's what puzzles me the most. Most of the answers to the questions you asked I addressed in recent posts. I have a difficult time understanding the middle, why the fight within himself? I suppose it's just another way that we're opposite. I commit fully from the beginning (with a strong instinct to trust), but fall away if I lose the emotional connection along the way. I just tie all of my emotions into my sex life, so that's a strong weight that normally increases throughout the duration of my relationships...the longer you're with someone, the more comfortable you are and therefore the more honest & open you become sexually. I don't try the freaky things unless I have full faith and trust in my significant other. He, on the other hand, trys the freaky things with complete strangers because you don't have to have anything to do with them afterward if you don't want. Fuck for fucks sake, have a good time, roll out. And that's where I feel Elly was right with the whole Madonna/Whore complex. However, it's also inaccurate as he explained to me that he's focused on the actual day-to-day relationship and emotions- those are the things he never stuck around for. Too much fun to be had to deal with attachment and drama.
I believe you're right, Intrigued, in that he's got the endless array of questions, none of which leads to having sex, but after gaining insight on all of these replies I'm wondering if that's really so bad? I'm human, afterall, and I am having a difficult time knowing what fun we could be having but are not...he's planning for long-term and I'm focused on short-term. Maybe it's due to my divorce, but I don't think the way I used to. Mentally, now I'm the whore, lol...can't stop thinking about sex! Guess I'm the shallow one between us. So yeah, I would like the idea of a playmate to get my rocks off, but don't see anything but problems arising from that scenario.
I also do believe we understand each other, but he so more intently understands me than I have mostly taken the concentrated effort to understand him. It's not that I don't. I want the deep emotional automatic connection water signs are capable of having with one another. It's not how I'm geared as an air sign, and I'll never reach that 'depth' without first drowning.
I agree that this isn't really manipulation for the same reason you stated- What man manipulates to NOT have sex?!? I mean really! That's what puzzles me the most. Most of the answers to the questions you asked I addressed in recent posts. I have a difficult time understanding the middle, why the fight within himself? I suppose it's just another way that we're opposite. I commit fully from the beginning (with a strong instinct to trust), but fall away if I lose the emotional connection along the way. I just tie all of my emotions into my sex life, so that's a strong weight that normally increases throughout the duration of my relationships...the longer you're with someone, the more comfortable you are and therefore the more honest & open you become sexually. I don't try the freaky things unless I have full faith and trust in my significant other. He, on the other hand, trys the freaky things with complete strangers because you don't have to have anything to do with them afterward if you don't want. Fuck for fucks sake, have a good time, roll out. And that's where I feel Elly was right with the whole Madonna/Whore complex. However, it's also inaccurate as he explained to me that he's focused on the actual day-to-day relationship and emotions- those are the things he never stuck around for. Too much fun to be had to deal with attachment and drama.
I believe you're right, Intrigued, in that he's got the endless array of questions, none of which leads to having sex, but after gaining insight on all of these replies I'm wondering if that's really so bad? I'm human, afterall, and I am having a difficult time knowing what fun we could be having but are not...he's planning for long-term and I'm focused on short-term. Maybe it's due to my divorce, but I don't think the way I used to. Mentally, now I'm the whore, lol...can't stop thinking about sex! Guess I'm the shallow one between us. So yeah, I would like the idea of a playmate to get my rocks off, but don't see anything but problems arising from that scenario.
I also do believe we understand each other, but he so more intently understands me than I have mostly taken the concentrated effort to understand him. It's not that I don't. I want the deep emotional automatic connection water signs are capable of having with one another. It's not how I'm geared as an air sign, and I'll never reach that 'depth' without first drowning.
continued @Intrigued Scorp
But I only know how to convey that effort in sex- not the act, but the connection. I value what I am not capable of having at this time.
I definitely feel he could have a better connection with someone else emotionally, without sex, and I have a hard time understanding exactly what it is he sees in me to connect with aside from the day-to-day. I can see his soul, but he doesn't believe me. He can touch mine but won't.
@Enfant_Terrible
Thank you for at least answering my original question. Nothing you said burst any bubbles. Men are naturally geared to enjoy themselves with strangers. Women are not unless they have conditioned themselves to do so. I already know that if my boyfriend were to be single and out, he would have no problem picking up a random girl and sleeping with her that night. Based on our conversation last night, he claims if he were single he'd be doing the same thing that he's doing now- no sex, mentally focused on other aspects of his life and taking a break from the need for sex. Maybe he wouldn't have started that break were it not for the efforts he's put into our relationship, forming a separation between who he was before me (promiscuous) and who he wants to be and is learning to be now.
This topic was opened with a lot of (still current) sexual frustration that I'm learning to just deal with for the greater good. To be honest, if it continues I know that the downfall of our relationship will be the lack of sex. That's horribly shallow, especially for me, but it's true and I would really have no regrets in doing so regardless of all of the chaos we've successfully endured and emotional baggage we've overcome in addition to the day-to-day living and adapting into each others' crazy worlds. That's pretty bad, isn't it?
@Exo
He does tend to want sex once in a great while to savor & appreciate the quality. But frankly, it doesn't last long to savor, it doesn't happen frequently enough to keep me intrigued and I never know how long it will be til it happens again so when it's over I'm left wanting more knowing it's not going to happen. I want amazing sex in the middle of the day, then again that same night and the next morning. I would think most guys would jump at the opportunity. I don't want to use him for sex anymore than I want to be used, but I don't want to be with an asexual either.
I have a hard time focusing on the long-term future if this present is what I have to look f
But I only know how to convey that effort in sex- not the act, but the connection. I value what I am not capable of having at this time.
I definitely feel he could have a better connection with someone else emotionally, without sex, and I have a hard time understanding exactly what it is he sees in me to connect with aside from the day-to-day. I can see his soul, but he doesn't believe me. He can touch mine but won't.
@Enfant_Terrible
Thank you for at least answering my original question. Nothing you said burst any bubbles. Men are naturally geared to enjoy themselves with strangers. Women are not unless they have conditioned themselves to do so. I already know that if my boyfriend were to be single and out, he would have no problem picking up a random girl and sleeping with her that night. Based on our conversation last night, he claims if he were single he'd be doing the same thing that he's doing now- no sex, mentally focused on other aspects of his life and taking a break from the need for sex. Maybe he wouldn't have started that break were it not for the efforts he's put into our relationship, forming a separation between who he was before me (promiscuous) and who he wants to be and is learning to be now.
This topic was opened with a lot of (still current) sexual frustration that I'm learning to just deal with for the greater good. To be honest, if it continues I know that the downfall of our relationship will be the lack of sex. That's horribly shallow, especially for me, but it's true and I would really have no regrets in doing so regardless of all of the chaos we've successfully endured and emotional baggage we've overcome in addition to the day-to-day living and adapting into each others' crazy worlds. That's pretty bad, isn't it?
@Exo
He does tend to want sex once in a great while to savor & appreciate the quality. But frankly, it doesn't last long to savor, it doesn't happen frequently enough to keep me intrigued and I never know how long it will be til it happens again so when it's over I'm left wanting more knowing it's not going to happen. I want amazing sex in the middle of the day, then again that same night and the next morning. I would think most guys would jump at the opportunity. I don't want to use him for sex anymore than I want to be used, but I don't want to be with an asexual either.
I have a hard time focusing on the long-term future if this present is what I have to look f
*forward to.
Jynja- thanks for understanding, from one Mars in Scorpio to another!
I just read some info on his Mars in Sag & my Mars in Scorp...so dead on.
Thank you to everyone. I'm a communication freak and this thread has helped me so much to break down the other side to help me relate.
I just read some info on his Mars in Sag & my Mars in Scorp...so dead on.
Thank you to everyone. I'm a communication freak and this thread has helped me so much to break down the other side to help me relate.
Posted by GemIKnow
To be honest, if it continues I know that the downfall of our relationship will be the lack of sex. That's horribly shallow...
It's not shallow. A relationship without sex is basically friendship... which is fine if you're asexual. You're only requiring what you should be getting, in one form or another.
It is rarely if ever in here that I read about someone being involved in a productive relationship with a Scorpio man. Let's face it, they're all pricks: too negative and selfish in their emotional wants and needs and when these are not met they go on a destructive, manipulative rampage like little kids. Frankly, I have a hard time seeing an independent woman with a Scorpio man.
They are so different from the women of this sign, who are emotionally generous, productive, kind, with a strong sense of justice. I could go on.
gemiknow: i LIKE you. you have a great writing style which shows your personality.
anyhow. to the point in case. hmmmmmm. perhaps the intensity of your emotional connection prevents him from separating making love with having sex. in all long term relationships you need a balance of both. one satisfies the emotional needs we have and the other the animal.
it's like when some guys don't see their wives the same way after they've had children. this is very common in mediterranean cultures. they marry their long term childhood sweethearts and have children with them and they also keep a mistress or visit brothels to satisfy their 'carnal' needs.
cos the thing is that although you're right that a healthy relationship should have it's fair dosage of kinky fuckery, if he is in the mindset that you are somehow 'above' making the beast with two backs cos your emotional connection is so strong, and that you should reserve your intimacy for purely romantic lovemaking (puke) then chances are.....you aint gonna get much!!!
in fact, as time goes on you may get even less cos the intensity always dies down after a while and if he can only be intimate when he's feeling that romantic pull towards you.....fuck it woman...you may actually heal up altogether and be a born again virgin!!!
he needs to know that it's ok to desire his partner in a lustful way. does he have a religious background? was he born to moonie parents maybe? lol. seriously though, he needs to see that you can be dirty and still have that emotional connection. it could be very interesting educating him and you sound like you know all the moves to do the job 🙂
anyhow. to the point in case. hmmmmmm. perhaps the intensity of your emotional connection prevents him from separating making love with having sex. in all long term relationships you need a balance of both. one satisfies the emotional needs we have and the other the animal.
it's like when some guys don't see their wives the same way after they've had children. this is very common in mediterranean cultures. they marry their long term childhood sweethearts and have children with them and they also keep a mistress or visit brothels to satisfy their 'carnal' needs.
cos the thing is that although you're right that a healthy relationship should have it's fair dosage of kinky fuckery, if he is in the mindset that you are somehow 'above' making the beast with two backs cos your emotional connection is so strong, and that you should reserve your intimacy for purely romantic lovemaking (puke) then chances are.....you aint gonna get much!!!
in fact, as time goes on you may get even less cos the intensity always dies down after a while and if he can only be intimate when he's feeling that romantic pull towards you.....fuck it woman...you may actually heal up altogether and be a born again virgin!!!
he needs to know that it's ok to desire his partner in a lustful way. does he have a religious background? was he born to moonie parents maybe? lol. seriously though, he needs to see that you can be dirty and still have that emotional connection. it could be very interesting educating him and you sound like you know all the moves to do the job 🙂
Um long lasting emotional connection and mental compatibility all the way.
If there's not a strong emotional bond the sexual chemistry will fizzle quickly and leave the passion quivered and deflated.
With a mental and emotional chemistry there comes a -LONG- lasting sexual compatibility and vitality, not just a short fling. Sexuality without depth is only surface, it dries and cracks.
If there's not a strong emotional bond the sexual chemistry will fizzle quickly and leave the passion quivered and deflated.
With a mental and emotional chemistry there comes a -LONG- lasting sexual compatibility and vitality, not just a short fling. Sexuality without depth is only surface, it dries and cracks.
lol damn... i'd deny him those 2 times a month. lololol
what else is going on in his life? is he super busy with work, family, etc??
what else is going on in his life? is he super busy with work, family, etc??
I have a lot of replies I intend to make but have been and will be extremely busy this week. I truly appreciate all of the advice and angles. 🙂
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