what do I do honestly

I know you scorpys are so sick of these whiny ass posts, and I'm so sorry but I just really need help.
He's breaking up, he's holding on, having doubts again, having faith again...
We're virtually so close to being together finally (ending the ldr we've been in for 2 years) and he's getting cold feet. I know that our relationship isn't healthy for either of us at the moment, but we both know so well how happy we are together. We haven't seen each other in months and probably forgot what we look like. It's unbearable. We fight too much and pull out the worst in each other at the moment, but neither of us can let go. We love each other sincerely and tenderly, but somehow we just end up hurting each other. How do you deal with a love like that? Is there hope for us to work it out once we're physically together? Should I find the strength to hold on three more months or should I find the strength to release us from this mess and let him go? He's made attempts but he's not strong enough at the moment to break up with me, nor to put his all into our relationship to make it work...
He has his ViS, I am Capricorn dominant

is that all @starlover ? ” despite our plans and everything?

oh damn... if only it was that easy

@AriesLove The problems range from his jealousy, to our misunderstandings, and frustration about the distance. Some of them stem from being apart so long, and not seeing each other in such long periods of time, others stem from being so different. Neither of us can handle the distance tbh, it has been hell on earth most of the two years, and the frustration just builds up over time, until you can't remember the reasons you got together.
All while I know, we'd be a beautiful couple if we were together.

Posted by Koniucha
No one said it was easy.

It's much harder if you don't though.

Yes I understand... Thank you Koniucha

You're holding on to tight. Test yourself daily on what and how you let issues roll off your back. You sound stressed out. What's meant to be will be.

Let it go now before it gets worse & harder. Best of luck to u (:

thank you warmly for your kindness @cherishedlibra @SofiaV87 @sagiluv I know you are right. I will try my best

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by aquamila
@AriesLove The problems range from his jealousy, to our misunderstandings, and frustration about the distance. Some of them stem from being apart so long, and not seeing each other in such long periods of time, others stem from being so different. Neither of us can handle the distance tbh, it has been hell on earth most of the two years, and the frustration just builds up over time, until you can't remember the reasons you got together.
All while I know, we'd be a beautiful couple if we were together.

What's his Sun sign?

click to expand

He is a Scorpio, I am an Aquarius. Hence why I'm on the Scorpio board. His other placements are Aries moon, Mercury in Sagittarius, Venus in Scorpio, Mars in Virgo. I know that letting go and holding on is a difficult topic for Scorpios, and I wish I had someone to reassure me that there is a chance for us.

I would say that you hold on for the next three months. It's only three months. In the meantime you tell this scorp that you love him and you aren't going anywhere. That you promised him you were going to stick it out for these three months and that's what you intend to do. He'll appreciate the reassurance and the loyalty.

It's hard for both of you because there isn't physical proximity and both of you need touch. This is probably one of the underlying frustrations. Try to talk about this reasonably. Aqua try to put your pride aside. You and Scorp communicate differently. He'll frustrate the hell out if you because deep inside he is a very emotional being who has a difficult time expressing what's going on emotionally. Deep inside you are a rational being who being who has a hard time expressing yourself emotionally.

But you are loyal and your feelings are fixed. So is he. That's common ground to build on.

Posted by aquamila
@AriesLove The problems range from his jealousy, to our misunderstandings, and frustration about the distance. Some of them stem from being apart so long, and not seeing each other in such long periods of time, others stem from being so different. Neither of us can handle the distance tbh, it has been hell on earth most of the two years, and the frustration just builds up over time, until you can't remember the reasons you got together.
All while I know, we'd be a beautiful couple if we were together.

scorpio doesn't like LDR. (I've NEVER heard of such) I don't know why people like to get with scorpio and stay LDR. *smh*

and honestly, he has NOT made a move to make you two together. If he wanted to he'd make it HAPPEN ASAP. because that's what scorpio men do, they will move mountains.

but this one is not doing so.....so you know, just pining and wishing about how you two would be a beautiful couple isn't enough.

Posted by BrightLight
I would say that you hold on for the next three months. It's only three months. In the meantime you tell this scorp that you love him and you aren't going anywhere. That you promised him you were going to stick it out for these three months and that's what you intend to do. He'll appreciate the reassurance and the loyalty.

It's hard for both of you because there isn't physical proximity and both of you need touch. This is probably one of the underlying frustrations. Try to talk about this reasonably. Aqua try to put your pride aside. You and Scorp communicate differently. He'll frustrate the hell out if you because deep inside he is a very emotional being who has a difficult time expressing what's going on emotionally. Deep inside you are a rational being who being who has a hard time expressing yourself emotionally.

But you are loyal and your feelings are fixed. So is he. That's common ground to build on.

How soothing to hear, thank you for your post BrightLight. I hope not only I, but he too, can give us another chance and hold on for the remaining time apart.

@lisabethur8 I appreciate your opinion, but I think you don't know the whole story. There was literally no way for us to be together any earlier than this for not only financial reasons but also, we both need to finish school/ uni to even have a chance to build up an existence together. I'm an aqua, if I had been able to, I would have made it happen much earlier too. But reality looks different. Think about it this way: despite how draining and completely unrewarding it has been, we've stayed together for nearly two years now, just because we wanted to be together in the end. Despite being a Scorpio, he really wanted this, and we made plans together. I will move to his country in July, and if he breaks up now, I don't know if I would pull it through anyways...

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by aquamila
@AriesLove The problems range from his jealousy, to our misunderstandings, and frustration about the distance. Some of them stem from being apart so long, and not seeing each other in such long periods of time, others stem from being so different. Neither of us can handle the distance tbh, it has been hell on earth most of the two years, and the frustration just builds up over time, until you can't remember the reasons you got together.
All while I know, we'd be a beautiful couple if we were together.

scorpio doesn't like LDR. (I've NEVER heard of such) I don't know why people like to get with scorpio and stay LDR. *smh*

and honestly, he has NOT made a move to make you two together. If he wanted to he'd make it HAPPEN ASAP. because that's what scorpio men do, they will move mountains.

but this one is not doing so.....so you know, just pining and wishing about how you two would be a beautiful couple isn't enough.

click to expand

Actually Scorpios are very good persevering. We can go celibate in all areas of our life if we have a goal in mind. Three months ain't shit for waiting.

You have to remember that Scorpio is a long haul sign. We might bound onto the road but then it's all cruise control until the time is right.

Posted by BrightLight

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by aquamila
@AriesLove The problems range from his jealousy, to our misunderstandings, and frustration about the distance. Some of them stem from being apart so long, and not seeing each other in such long periods of time, others stem from being so different. Neither of us can handle the distance tbh, it has been hell on earth most of the two years, and the frustration just builds up over time, until you can't remember the reasons you got together.
All while I know, we'd be a beautiful couple if we were together.

scorpio doesn't like LDR. (I've NEVER heard of such) I don't know why people like to get with scorpio and stay LDR. *smh*

and honestly, he has NOT made a move to make you two together. If he wanted to he'd make it HAPPEN ASAP. because that's what scorpio men do, they will move mountains.

but this one is not doing so.....so you know, just pining and wishing about how you two would be a beautiful couple isn't enough.

Actually Scorpios are very good persevering. We can go celibate in all areas of our life if we have a goal in mind. Three months ain't shit for waiting.

You have to remember that Scorpio is a long haul sign. We might bound onto the road but then it's all cruise control until the time is right.

click to expand

yes but youre a WOMAN aren't you?

aren't women perservering for the ones they love?

men are the hunters. they will get you one way or the other if the other party wants it too.

My point. You waited 2 years and only have three months. That's like leaving the race a meter before the finish line. That's weak. It's make or break. Whatever happens, you can go up or down knowing you did the right thing by sticking it out.

Posted by aquamila
@lisabethur8 I appreciate your opinion, but I think you don't know the whole story. There was literally no way for us to be together any earlier than this for not only financial reasons but also, we both need to finish school/ uni to even have a chance to build up an existence together. I'm an aqua, if I had been able to, I would have made it happen much earlier too. But reality looks different. Think about it this way: despite how draining and completely unrewarding it has been, we've stayed together for nearly two years now, just because we wanted to be together in the end. Despite being a Scorpio, he really wanted this, and we made plans together. I will move to his country in July, and if he breaks up now, I don't know if I would pull it through anyways...

well why don't you LIVE together and do school too?

something is not right if you can't make it happen.

@lisbethur8. The men are just as fastidious as the women in matters of the heart. A Scorpio will expect you to live by your word. If you said you'd wait for three months more, then do it.

Posted by BrightLight
@lisbethur8. The men are just as fastidious as the women in matters of the heart. A Scorpio will expect you to live by your word. If you said you'd wait for three months more, then do it.

i'm sorry but men and women are different no matter what.

and scorpio or not, a person who is SERIOUS and wants a commitment, will want you to live by your word. or just move on.


EDIT but yes I agree.

that's why I don't understand her concern.

Hang in there until you get so fed up going back isn't even an option. Keep in mind the time you will continue to loose and scars that will need time to heal after.

Hanging in there seems to be what you really want to do so do it until you can't anymore. In other words go through your pain to learn what happy can and will feel like. The opposite.

Best of luck to you

Posted by Listenlearnteach
Hang in there until you get so fed up going back isn't even an option. Keep in mind the time you will continue to loose and scars that will need time to heal after.

Hanging in there seems to be what you really want to do so do it until you can't anymore. In other words go through your pain to learn what happy can and will feel like. The opposite.

Best of luck to you

And if the hanging in there equates to 3 months or more and everything g works as planned... Win-win

If you guys have waited this long, then what is 3 months. This should be a walk in the park and y'all should be excited. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. So I guess my question is, why aren't you excited, instead you sound stressed and fearful, also you said something about him and cold feet, what has he done to exhibit cold feet?

Posted by Listenlearnteach
Hang in there until you get so fed up going back isn't even an option. Keep in mind the time you will continue to loose and scars that will need time to heal after.

Hanging in there seems to be what you really want to do so do it until you can't anymore. In other words go through your pain to learn what happy can and will feel like. The opposite.

Best of luck to you

You are exactly right. Thank you for your response ðŸ'•
I just feel I still have so much to lose... We talked today and I told him that there's no way I can let him go now. He said we'll stay together for now, but it's clear to see he has doubts

Posted by TaurusinTexas
If you guys have waited this long, then what is 3 months. This should be a walk in the park and y'all should be excited. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. So I guess my question is, why aren't you excited, instead you sound stressed and fearful, also you said something about him and cold feet, what has he done to exhibit cold feet?

I think in this case, the last meters are going to be the hardest of the entire race. But of course, I would be nothing but excited and happy, if he didn't start having serious and fundamental doubts about us. Recently some girl from his friend circle confessed to him that she fell in love. And although he said he doesn't have feelings for her, he can't seem to just reject her. He claims that he doesn't want to lose her as a friend, but I really don't know how to react. To me, that is weak behavior, not at all like he would have reacted some months ago. But I try to give him time and space to make the right decisions for HIM.
I can see he's trying to figure out what he really wants in life. Moving together would mean things are getting serious. I think he just feels young and unprepared for taking such a big step. Maybe he's lacking the reassurance that we really will work when we're together. Or he's afraid that the real life relationship will be just as draining as the long distance relationship with me. I am an aqua - I in no way intend to tie him down or restricting his freedoms. All I really want is to make him happy. After we've been unhappy for so long. It's this scary situation, where there really is nothing I can do.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by aquamila
@AriesLove The problems range from his jealousy, to our misunderstandings, and frustration about the distance. Some of them stem from being apart so long, and not seeing each other in such long periods of time, others stem from being so different. Neither of us can handle the distance tbh, it has been hell on earth most of the two years, and the frustration just builds up over time, until you can't remember the reasons you got together.
All while I know, we'd be a beautiful couple if we were together.

You feed off each other fear based energy. What star says by letting go n trust is it ur calm n at peace about things the energy should shift. N not feed the drama

click to expand

That makes a lot of sense Impulsive, thank you... I really try, but I am missing the reassurance from him and it sometimes just makes me nervous and afraid. I guess the advice I need to give myself is that I need to love myself enough not to depend on his reassurance... But it's hard

In light of this new information regarding this "friend" who confessed her love. Hmmm....

I have a really hard time understanding how this happened without at least a little encouragement on his part. People very rarely fall in love in a void. So even if the scorp guy wasn't outright pursuing this friend--he may have we don't know--he was giving positive signals somehow.

I mean it sounds a little self-sabotaging to me. And why did he mention it? If it meant nothing, then why even mention that a friend confessed love? Any scorp worth their stinger can hold back that piece of info if they don't want it known.

Nope. He told you that because it's an important clue he wants you to know.

So he either wanted you to know that because he's giving you a heads up that he's moving on to a new woman or he wanted you to know that to agitate your situation- in other words for drama. Think of it this way, he dropped a bomb telling you that. Maybe he wanted to start a fight?

The third reason a person in a relationship might tell their partner that is out of full disclosure of their situation in order to reassure you that although they have options they are still being loyal to you.

You really need to figure out why this new woman came into the discussion. It could be part of the cold feet at the goal line or it could be something else.

Posted by aquamila

Posted by TaurusinTexas
If you guys have waited this long, then what is 3 months. This should be a walk in the park and y'all should be excited. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. So I guess my question is, why aren't you excited, instead you sound stressed and fearful, also you said something about him and cold feet, what has he done to exhibit cold feet?

I think in this case, the last meters are going to be the hardest of the entire race. But of course, I would be nothing but excited and happy, if he didn't start having serious and fundamental doubts about us. Recently some girl from his friend circle confessed to him that she fell in love. And although he said he doesn't have feelings for her, he can't seem to just reject her. He claims that he doesn't want to lose her as a friend, but I really don't know how to react. To me, that is weak behavior, not at all like he would have reacted some months ago. But I try to give him time and space to make the right decisions for HIM.
I can see he's trying to figure out what he really wants in life. Moving together would mean things are getting serious. I think he just feels young and unprepared for taking such a big step. Maybe he's lacking the reassurance that we really will work when we're together. Or he's afraid that the real life relationship will be just as draining as the long distance relationship with me. I am an aqua - I in no way intend to tie him down or restricting his freedoms. All I really want is to make him happy. After we've been unhappy for so long. It's this scary situation, where there really is nothing I can do.

click to expand

can't seem to reject her?

why not?

doesn't want to lose her as a friend?

hm. and he doesn't want to move in because it's a SERIOUS step.

*nod* yeah.

well, you got your answers. it's plain as day.

@lisabethur8. You make a good point. Maybe he can't reject her because he's made the decision and instead of straight out admitting it, he's planted a seed for this Aqua to read between the lines.

On the other hand, sometimes people do have a hard time rejecting other people and sometimes we have to take people on their word. Like for me personally analyzing this situation as if I was in it, I personally would never say outright that I want to keep someone as a friend if that was not the truth if it. Even if that actually just meant the person was a friend and I can't reject them as a person because it would hurt them. Then again I'm riddled with Libran energy. I have a hard time rejecting people because it's not nice. Having said that, if it's either reject or lose my goal? I would cut that person out for the good of the goal.

This is why this Aqua needs to get to the bottom of this. I know Scorpio can self-sabotage when the end is in sight if we are feeling insecure about where things are headed. A lot of other signs cut to the chase, but Scorpio has the tendancy at times to cut something good out because they are stuck in a place of over analyzing and, let's be honest, cutting something out is easier than fricken dealing with whatever the potential is even if the potential might be great. Basically leave before being left. It's been known to happen.

Find out all the facts before making a decision. Do not assume you know what a Scorpio is thinking. Our thoughts can be convoluted when we are working through the chaos of emotions.

Just ask for the real deal here. But come from a place of kindness and compassion. Get the answers.

Also. Moving in with someone is a huge step! And if you haven't been in physical proximity for months? I wouldn't be able to do that.

You know, maybe all of this comes down to that one thing. This scorpio isn't ready for you to move in with him. Everything else is a side issue. The dude is afraid.

Maybe find a way to take an extended vacation to where he's at rather than moving straight in with him. Take some of that pressure off your situation.

Posted by BrightLight
@lisabethur8. You make a good point. Maybe he can't reject her because he's made the decision and instead of straight out admitting it, he's planted a seed for this Aqua to read between the lines.

On the other hand, sometimes people do have a hard time rejecting other people and sometimes we have to take people on their word. Like for me personally analyzing this situation as if I was in it, I personally would never say outright that I want to keep someone as a friend if that was not the truth if it. Even if that actually just meant the person was a friend and I can't reject them as a person because it would hurt them. Then again I'm riddled with Libran energy. I have a hard time rejecting people because it's not nice. Having said that, if it's either reject or lose my goal? I would cut that person out for the good of the goal.

This is why this Aqua needs to get to the bottom of this. I know Scorpio can self-sabotage when the end is in sight if we are feeling insecure about where things are headed. A lot of other signs cut to the chase, but Scorpio has the tendancy at times to cut something good out because they are stuck in a place of over analyzing and, let's be honest, cutting something out is easier than fricken dealing with whatever the potential is even if the potential might be great. Basically leave before being left. It's been known to happen.

Find out all the facts before making a decision. Do not assume you know what a Scorpio is thinking. Our thoughts can be convoluted when we are working through the chaos of emotions.

Just ask for the real deal here. But come from a place of kindness and compassion. Get the answers.

I don't agree that he keeps her in the dark. he should tell her straight. so that she can move on.
people need to move on with their future and not be binded by other people who don't want to be in it. so that they can spend time and make more time with the ones that want to be with them.

Okay. Well we will see what happens. I'm feeling all kinds of undercurrents here. The heart of the matter is below the surface. Not everything is found on the surface. The easy way is assuming we know what's going on without asking and then reacting on the assumption. This never works.

Ask the damn questions and make moves based on that not assumptions.

Posted by BrightLight
Okay. Well we will see what happens. I'm feeling all kinds of undercurrents here. The heart of the matter is below the surface. Not everything is found on the surface. The easy way is assuming we know what's going on without asking and then reacting on the assumption. This never works.

Ask the damn questions and make moves based on that not assumptions.

well brightlight.

for me personally action speaks louder than words.

his actions haven't showed her anything that he is going to do anything serious either.

his words are matching.

I read over all the Ops posts. We have to remember this is one side of the story but two things caught my attention: his jealousy and their misunderstandings.

I don't see anything that shows his actions aren't proving anything. Maybe I'm missing it. Obviously jealousy stems from insecurity but also perhaps some of the misunderstandings include situations that provoke jealousy. Jealousy and possession--which in small doses is Scorpio action proving attachment. We don't get jealous with people we don't care about.

Perhaps this Aqua did something that could be misconstrued as disloyal?

Well, did ya?

That's the thing about message boards. All the real information is leaked out in such a way that the OP looks less bad. But real life isn't like that. It takes two to tango.

If we look at the facts as they now stand:

Scorp and Aqua have somehow gone through two years long distance. During that time, there have been some great times and bad times--some of which center around jealousy ( which Aqua hates and have been known to rebel against on principle alone) and "misunderstandings." I'd like to know more about these misunderstandings.

How far is the distance? Distance is very hard for a Scorpio. Are we talking 30 minutes away? an hour away?

if he is jealous (or was), maybe mentioning this girl who is in love with him is a provocation

maybe you OP can spend this 3 months by searching online for all the options, how you can be in his country, where you could live and all the information necessary for relocating..... do you speak the language of his country? I agree with the suggestion above: go there for an extended period, for summer holiday or something and dont burn bridges at home....

maybe your scorp would feel more at ease, if you tell him, that you will have to come back to your country in September for a few months, so the pressure will be off......
tell him also, you find some courses what you would like to attend when you are there (at his country) or try to find a summer job via internet, so you will not be dependent only on him and will gain new friends on your own

Posted by aquamila

Posted by TaurusinTexas
If you guys have waited this long, then what is 3 months. This should be a walk in the park and y'all should be excited. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. So I guess my question is, why aren't you excited, instead you sound stressed and fearful, also you said something about him and cold feet, what has he done to exhibit cold feet?

I think in this case, the last meters are going to be the hardest of the entire race. But of course, I would be nothing but excited and happy, if he didn't start having serious and fundamental doubts about us. Recently some girl from his friend circle confessed to him that she fell in love. And although he said he doesn't have feelings for her, he can't seem to just reject her. He claims that he doesn't want to lose her as a friend, but I really don't know how to react. To me, that is weak behavior, not at all like he would have reacted some months ago. But I try to give him time and space to make the right decisions for HIM.
I can see he's trying to figure out what he really wants in life. Moving together would mean things are getting serious. I think he just feels young and unprepared for taking such a big step. Maybe he's lacking the reassurance that we really will work when we're together. Or he's afraid that the real life relationship will be just as draining as the long distance relationship with me. I am an aqua - I in no way intend to tie him down or restricting his freedoms. All I really want is to make him happy. After we've been unhappy for so long. It's this scary situation, where there really is nothing I can do.

click to expand

No, NO! Get your butt on the next plane out and go remind him of what he's got! And then if you have time, murder that bitch! Lol.

Seriously tho what is wrong with people allowing themselves to fall for those who are taken. Zero respect among women.

Posted by aquamila
We fight too much and pull out the worst in each other...Is there hope for us to work it out once we're physically together?

Hmph. It sounds like you're both missing the basic traits required to make this relationship work and distance only brought it to light. I mean military folks get pulled away from their partners all the time for years and most don't "pull out the worst in each other". This just sounds like you're simply delaying the inevitable.

If you really want to make it work, then seriously work on the individual "stuff" you both carry around that negatively impacts the relationship and see where that takes you. You can't force him to do that and if he's not feelings it, that tells you something. However hoping and wishing is gonna get you no where.

Good luck.

Okay wow... Thank you all for the help and thoughts
So I think I have to clarify everything a bit. Jealousy has always been there (my older posts were about how we struggle to handle it). So have been his insecurities, and I have also known for a long time that there are underlying issues for him that I cannot help him with. And which I possible brought to light during this distance relationship (by the way, we are talking about 3000 km - I'm in central Europe, he's in Russia, for those of you who know anyone who is Russian may understand that some of it stems from the culture too).
And yes, I know FOR SURE, and this might be just a really strong gut feeling, but I really know that intimacy helps so much for us. I know that we would both feel so much more at ease if we were together. Or at least if we had a fixed date to look forward to. But we hesitated even to book the flights for summer because we had been so on and off lately.
Anyways, there's a really recent update, and I don't even know what to think about it yet. So yesterday we had a very long phone conversation, after he apologized for hurting me with the whole thing about her, and I told him that I forgive him but couldn't but get so frustrated that we end up running against this wall again and again. We try to make it work again, fail again, can't let go again. We both agreed that maybe the most mature decision would be to part in peace, to try to let go. But again neither of us had the heart to make this last step, saying goodbye and hanging up. We started crying and said we miss each other, we're too afraid that this is a mistake, that we'll need each other. So, out of lack of courage we agreed to not talk to each other for a couple of days, to give each other time to think...
So in short: pretty much directly after we hung up he texted this girl that he is with me and can't do this with her and also doesn't want her to write him anymore. He also met up with her following her request, and as far as I know she pretty much had a nervous breakdown. A lot of tears and hysteria. So he texted me that night. And told me what he did. That he feels terrible about hurting her so much (I understand that). And asked if he deserves me now.
I read the texts only this morning and was completely overwhelmed. I saw that he still felt pretty miserable, and tried to reassure him that I'll be there, but I'm not sure if that really solves the problem... I see that he did it to prove his love to me, and asks for a lot of credit for it, but he's not too convinced of himself either. What do you guys think?

Posted by aquamila
...Thank you for your response ��'�
I just feel I still have so much to lose... We talked today and I told him that there's no way I can let him go now. He said we'll stay together for now, but it's clear to see he has doubts

Were those his exact words?

I am so torn between literally taking the next train or plane without even asking him, and facing reality, or at least what some part of my mind tells me to be reality, and letting go. But I know that even if I did, I wouldn't lose even a bit of hope that life's gonna bring us back together.
And yes @SassyKiwi, I've found Russian women to be quite ruthless when it comes to stealing your man.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by aquamila
...Thank you for your response ��'�
I just feel I still have so much to lose... We talked today and I told him that there's no way I can let him go now. He said we'll stay together for now, but it's clear to see he has doubts

Were those his exact words?

click to expand

yes. Or I think just: We'll stay together. And yesterday again, loud and clear, he said he wants to be together with me

Geeze, there are a lot of assumptions about what and why this poor Scorp is doing what he's doing. Smh.

Posted by BrightLight
In light of this new information regarding this "friend" who confessed her love. Hmmm....

I have a really hard time understanding how this happened without at least a little encouragement on his part. People very rarely fall in love in a void. So even if the scorp guy wasn't outright pursuing this friend--he may have we don't know--he was giving positive signals somehow.

I mean it sounds a little self-sabotaging to me. And why did he mention it? If it meant nothing, then why even mention that a friend confessed love? Any scorp worth their stinger can hold back that piece of info if they don't want it known.

Nope. He told you that because it's an important clue he wants you to know.

So he either wanted you to know that because he's giving you a heads up that he's moving on to a new woman or he wanted you to know that to agitate your situation- in other words for drama. Think of it this way, he dropped a bomb telling you that. Maybe he wanted to start a fight?

The third reason a person in a relationship might tell their partner that is out of full disclosure of their situation in order to reassure you that although they have options they are still being loyal to you.

You really need to figure out why this new woman came into the discussion. It could be part of the cold feet at the goal line or it could be something else.

Brightlight, first of all, thank you so much for your thoughts, I really appreciate your insights...
Yes, I too have been really suspicious about how much encouragement comes from his side. Throughout our relationship, I've also known him to just cut off people and friends, claiming that he only needs me and to prove his love and devotion. I never supported that, especially because I know how fatal it is to project and your entire happiness and make it depend on one person. But then again, I am aware that he could cut her off if he wanted to. Even without blinking. That's why it was so strange that he claimed not knowing how, or not wanting to hurt her etc. I want to take him for his word though, that he did value her as a friend and felt like a complete asshole for unintentionally (or not?) giving her hopes and now rejecting her.
About why he told me about it, since the beginning, we've made pretty clear that it we expect complete honesty and transparency from each other, no secrets. That made the trust issue over the distance a lot easier. And we kept it. So it's not very surprising for him to tell me about something like that and i appreciate his honesty.

Also, you all are speaking out my own back-and-forth thoughts and the conversations in my head. In the end, I am just as clueless about what to do and what to think. If you asked me to just listen to my heart, I would jump into the next plane just to be with him, no hesitation. But I know that is naive. I know that we are a hard couple to really make it work. When we are together we are harmonious. More passionate, but harmonious too.
Then again, those undercurrents that Brightlight mentioned too, and the underlying issues, they will come up again in some other form even when we're together and happy. The question is just if we could make it work, ...when we have each other close for reassurance and reminder what we love each other for. I'm trying hard to believe in the stars and tell myself that what's meant to be will be. Or telling myself that if we just want it enough and really believe in us, we will make it work. But I do realize that this kind of wishful thinking doesn't get me anywhere right now. I don't know, I'm hoping your insights and perception of the situation, or maybe experiences can help me a have a little bit more clarity. Or courage to take action.

Oh and another thing. Another reason for my hesitation to let go, is that I am so scared he'll get himself in danger or something. I know he's been starting to smoke again, and he hinted having done drugs too, because they makes him feel better. I am perfectly aware that he's going through a really hard time, and he's giving me the vibe that he might not be able to pick himself up again, if I left him alone now. I have this unreasonably strong urge to protect him and keep him from harm, even if that means protecting him from himself, and yet I know that I am almost completely powerless. Even more so through the distance. It's just... I feel like I couldn't bear leaving him alone right now.

Posted by aquamila
Oh and another thing. Another reason for my hesitation to let go, is that I am so scared he'll get himself in danger or something. I know he's been starting to smoke again, and he hinted having done drugs too, because they makes him feel better. I am perfectly aware that he's going through a really hard time, and he's giving me the vibe that he might not be able to pick himself up again, if I left him alone now. I have this unreasonably strong urge to protect him and keep him from harm, even if that means protecting him from himself, and yet I know that I am almost completely powerless. Even more so through the distance. It's just... I feel like I couldn't bear leaving him alone right now.

It is not your job to save him.

Posted by TaurusinTexas

Posted by aquamila
Oh and another thing. Another reason for my hesitation to let go, is that I am so scared he'll get himself in danger or something. I know he's been starting to smoke again, and he hinted having done drugs too, because they makes him feel better. I am perfectly aware that he's going through a really hard time, and he's giving me the vibe that he might not be able to pick himself up again, if I left him alone now. I have this unreasonably strong urge to protect him and keep him from harm, even if that means protecting him from himself, and yet I know that I am almost completely powerless. Even more so through the distance. It's just... I feel like I couldn't bear leaving him alone right now.

It is not your job to save him.

click to expand

I know TaurusinTexas, I know... ” I am well aware that there is a battle that he needs to fight on his own, which at the moment includes learning to worship himself, and to believe in himself again. But I feel like I could avoid the worst by not leaving him alone right now, when he feels lonely already.

Scorpio men can definitely wear a hardass exterior. But honestly, it's a facade because Scorpio is a water sign. Just from what you've wrote about this guy I can tell he's in turbulent waters. He's a mess of emotions and spiraling into dark waters. Your job--which the earth and air signs are going to hate lol--is to provide your sensitive, chaotic, emotional water guy with calm seas. Calm. This is the only way to shift his emotions out of the Scorpion Death Spiral of Negative Emotions.

Calm seas. How do you do this? First do not argue with him. Always come from a sensitive, compassionate place. Trust me. The only thing a Scorpio wants from their partner during turbulence is knowing they are safe within the relationship with an understanding and kind (and non-judgemental)partner. This does not mean be a doormat. It means LISTENING with an understanding ear. Use that good ole Aqua intuition and figure out the source of the turbulence and provide a safe haven. Be his loyal, devoted rock right now. Maybe make him laugh or send him something sentimental. The more he sees you as his safe place the closer you will get. You can debate him later after the storm has passed.

Some insight into his turbulence could be his over thinking, his guilty feelings about hurting you with this other woman ( which I am convinced he brought into the picture to see how you would react for reassurance), his anxiety about god knows what, his fear about you moving there. Like a million things he's put on his shoulders which is literally driving him to self medicate.

So be the calm rock for him right now. If things get worse and he goes cold on you and refuses to stop self medicating, then you may want to get out of the way. A Scorpio determined to swim in the muck is a sad sight indeed. Nothing you can do about it.

I have a feeling however that if he sees you as the calming space of shelter rather than part of the storm, he'll come around. Good luck.

Space is a good start.