FixedWater
@FixedWater
12 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio
Comments: 23 · Posts: 2298 · Topics: 37
What to do.... ?
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I got cut off...
I am in no makeup, and looking like crap in mine own eyes and it was so sweet that I fell SOME MORE. Quite a bit more.... He sent me this picture commenting how beautiful I was (oh, fell a little more) and I told him it was a very special moment he caught in that picture. He agreed it was. He made me go 'Awwwww' all the time and not with the player kind of comments but with the ones that really mattered. He never courted me with all that smack about my physical attributes but instead about my heart. Who I was inside, came first for him. That is why I paid attention to him in the first place.
I think to myself that if I tell him how I feel he will run for the hills. Is this not the case? No woman should ever say that first? So instead, since all conversations now seem to want to head in that direction I start beating around the bushes, so to speak. I do not want to lose him....
Gonna post this and carry on in a minute ...
I am in no makeup, and looking like crap in mine own eyes and it was so sweet that I fell SOME MORE. Quite a bit more.... He sent me this picture commenting how beautiful I was (oh, fell a little more) and I told him it was a very special moment he caught in that picture. He agreed it was. He made me go 'Awwwww' all the time and not with the player kind of comments but with the ones that really mattered. He never courted me with all that smack about my physical attributes but instead about my heart. Who I was inside, came first for him. That is why I paid attention to him in the first place.
I think to myself that if I tell him how I feel he will run for the hills. Is this not the case? No woman should ever say that first? So instead, since all conversations now seem to want to head in that direction I start beating around the bushes, so to speak. I do not want to lose him....
Gonna post this and carry on in a minute ...
.... Needless to say, he feels me and I feel him and because neither of us is capable of overcoming our fears of many things our communication has become stifled. I spent the evening last night broaching that subject. His view on it is that he does not know why that has happened, but thinks we share more than scared when we hold hands together. Today, I asked if he will miss me while he has a crazy day at work and he said yes, he will miss me.
I cut a lot out from my first version but there it is in a nutshell.
Do I tell him I love him? My mother says No, let him figure it out.
I think I am not being true to my commitment to myself and to him by withholding this.
I think if I don't tell him and lose him I will regret it.
I think if I leave it be it could end up being a ride we will both hurt from for a long time.
I think if I tell him and he runs for the hills after all of the things he has said, but more importantly his actions towards me when we are together then I would be better off if he ran now?
Ok, that's all my head can handle... opinions anyone?
I cut a lot out from my first version but there it is in a nutshell.
Do I tell him I love him? My mother says No, let him figure it out.
I think I am not being true to my commitment to myself and to him by withholding this.
I think if I don't tell him and lose him I will regret it.
I think if I leave it be it could end up being a ride we will both hurt from for a long time.
I think if I tell him and he runs for the hills after all of the things he has said, but more importantly his actions towards me when we are together then I would be better off if he ran now?
Ok, that's all my head can handle... opinions anyone?
Thankyou Irresistable Scorp, I am feeling like I want to tell him and let it all fall where it may. It is becoming harder to not say it, and take my mother's advice for him to come around.
Lol Rabbit, I am feeling a little 'airish' lately.... I think I even have some of that in my chart
I feel I should tell him my true feelings for him because I fear if I do not that confusion and miscommunication will pile up and become something that cannot be recovered from. It is one of my wounds, I have been here once before, so this is a great question.
Posted by RabbitPosted by FixedWater
Lol Rabbit, I am feeling a little 'airish' lately.... I think I even have some of that in my chart
Maybe you just ate too many beans 😛click to expand
Haha, I am not surprised by your comment... Lmao 🙂
I am afraid I will lose him. I am also afraid of reliving that wound having done everything I could to find out if he was a good man with good intentions. Dotting all the i's and crossing my T's
I also consider that it was fear that drove me to keep quiet when I was being open all along
Posted by IrresistableScorp
So, darling, if you weren't afraid you were going to lose him, what would you do? I guess I'm questioning the authenticity of your intention behind laying it all out like this. Fleshing it out, so to speak. 🙂
If I knew I was not going to lose him? I would tell him. Yes, I have been mulling this over, or fleshing it out as you say, in true Scorpio Fashion. I thought some input on DXP would be a good way to help make a decision, so thankyou for your input.
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWater
I also consider that it was fear that drove me to keep quiet when I was being open all along
Yes. The age old dilemma. It sucks. I feel ya...click to expand
This is the problem, the age old dilemma... groan and a ugh! He has a habit of hinting at things and sometimes that's what I think he is doing. It has happened a lot.
Posted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
I felt ready to tell him and then didn't ... why? Now I fear I have angered the gods. Lol I laugh, but I am a little serious about that
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by IrresistableScorp
So, darling, if you weren't afraid you were going to lose him, what would you do? I guess I'm questioning the authenticity of your intention behind laying it all out like this. Fleshing it out, so to speak. 🙂
If I knew I was not going to lose him? I would tell him. Yes, I have been mulling this over, or fleshing it out as you say, in true Scorpio Fashion. I thought some input on DXP would be a good way to help make a decision, so thankyou for your input.click to expand
....thankyou for your input *so far.
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
I felt ready to tell him and then didn't ... why? Now I fear I have angered the gods. Lol I laugh, but I am a little serious about thatclick to expand
Sometimes admitting love aloud is scary? At least until it feels totally right and then you can't really stop yourself from saying it. Maybe there's a timing issue, too. Could be all sorts of reasons.
Honestly, talk is cheap. And it's amazing I say that since words/language are pretty much my bread and butter. Do you FEEL love for this man and feel comfortable expressing love to him in ways he understands and reciprocates? If that's where you are and that's where you're comfortable, it's okay to wait.
I think the "right moment" to tell another person you love them is when you can say it without double-thinking it or worrying about it at all. When it happens, it happens and neither of you think twice about it.
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWaterPosted by FixedWaterPosted by IrresistableScorp
So, darling, if you weren't afraid you were going to lose him, what would you do? I guess I'm questioning the authenticity of your intention behind laying it all out like this. Fleshing it out, so to speak. 🙂
If I knew I was not going to lose him? I would tell him. Yes, I have been mulling this over, or fleshing it out as you say, in true Scorpio Fashion. I thought some input on DXP would be a good way to help make a decision, so thankyou for your input.
....thankyou for your input *so far.
Consider this: If you lose someone when you are expressing yourself in a natural manner and giving into your natural flow of events, then its a blessing in disguise that it didn't work out. Why would you ever want to be with someone that doesn't accept you in your most natural state? Don't let the fear of losing him take up one millisecond of your thought. I am serious. As long as whatever you are doing feels right to you--you really have nothing to lose. Good luck.click to expand
This takes quite a bit of the pressure off... I think too much (duh! lol) and want that natural flow to continue. I have really gone off here, obsessing, when all I really have to do is understand that what is meant to be, will be. If he runs... I will be here later with my Kleenex looking for help to pick up the pieces but knowing I was true to myself.
Posted by CreoleGeishaPosted by FixedWaterPosted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
I felt ready to tell him and then didn't ... why? Now I fear I have angered the gods. Lol I laugh, but I am a little serious about that
Sometimes admitting love aloud is scary? At least until it feels totally right and then you can't really stop yourself from saying it. Maybe there's a timing issue, too. Could be all sorts of reasons.
Honestly, talk is cheap. And it's amazing I say that since words/language are pretty much my bread and butter. Do you FEEL love for this man and feel comfortable expressing love to him in ways he understands and reciprocates? If that's where you are and that's where you're comfortable, it's okay to wait.
I think the "right moment" to tell another person you love them is when you can say it without double-thinking it or worrying about it at all. When it happens, it happens and neither of you think twice about it.click to expand
Another good point. I feel it when we are together because it is in his actions. The Man is in love as far as I can tell, and I know when I touch him he feels it from me as well. It is his lack of openness in his texts and avoiding answering questions in the last week or so that is really throwing me. He told me last night that he spent two days working out hard core just to put certain feelings away. ? Wth? Why not just tell me how he feels then?
Posted by RabbitPosted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
Sorry I shouldn't put ALL air signs in the same category of our resident Scorpio-board-invading-overthinking-likesthesoundofherownvoice-mutable-air-sign-user.click to expand
*flounces and pouts pink-glossed lips*
I have three Scorpio planets (Venus, Neptune, and some other one I forgot). I missed the "SCORPIO SUN SIGN ONLY ALLOWED" sign.
AND I would have disregarded it anyway even if I HAD seen it.
*mischievous half-smile, sips ice water*
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by CreoleGeishaPosted by FixedWaterPosted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
I felt ready to tell him and then didn't ... why? Now I fear I have angered the gods. Lol I laugh, but I am a little serious about that
Sometimes admitting love aloud is scary? At least until it feels totally right and then you can't really stop yourself from saying it. Maybe there's a timing issue, too. Could be all sorts of reasons.
Honestly, talk is cheap. And it's amazing I say that since words/language are pretty much my bread and butter. Do you FEEL love for this man and feel comfortable expressing love to him in ways he understands and reciprocates? If that's where you are and that's where you're comfortable, it's okay to wait.
I think the "right moment" to tell another person you love them is when you can say it without double-thinking it or worrying about it at all. When it happens, it happens and neither of you think twice about it.
Another good point. I feel it when we are together because it is in his actions. The Man is in love as far as I can tell, and I know when I touch him he feels it from me as well. It is his lack of openness in his texts and avoiding answering questions in the last week or so that is really throwing me. He told me last night that he spent two days working out hard core just to put certain feelings away. ? Wth? Why not just tell me how he feels then?click to expand
Which brings us back to timing, feelings, communication skills, etc. If you have sensed a change in him, maybe ask him about it?
Posted by CreoleGeishaPosted by FixedWaterPosted by CreoleGeishaPosted by FixedWaterPosted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
I felt ready to tell him and then didn't ... why? Now I fear I have angered the gods. Lol I laugh, but I am a little serious about that
Sometimes admitting love aloud is scary? At least until it feels totally right and then you can't really stop yourself from saying it. Maybe there's a timing issue, too. Could be all sorts of reasons.
Honestly, talk is cheap. And it's amazing I say that since words/language are pretty much my bread and butter. Do you FEEL love for this man and feel comfortable expressing love to him in ways he understands and reciprocates? If that's where you are and that's where you're comfortable, it's okay to wait.
I think the "right moment" to tell another person you love them is when you can say it without double-thinking it or worrying about it at all. When it happens, it happens and neither of you think twice about it.
Another good point. I feel it when we are together because it is in his actions. The Man is in love as far as I can tell, and I know when I touch him he feels it from me as well. It is his lack of openness in his texts and avoiding answering questions in the last week or so that is really throwing me. He told me last night that he spent two days working out hard core just to put certain feelings away. ? Wth? Why not just tell me how he feels then?
Which brings us back to timing, feelings, communication skills, etc. If you have sensed a change in him, maybe ask him about it?click to expand
This is what I started doing last night, but with kit gloves sort of. It would seem that without confirmation of my feelings first, he will not necessarily come forward. I talked only about how our conversation seemed stifled and we finished on a relatively good note. Today he said he will be very busy but
lol... cut off again. He will be very busy but he is still texting me. When I asked, said he will miss me. He is most obviously holding back otherwise.
Sometimes people are busier than at other times, though. Perhaps he needs some kind of reassurance or encouragement?
Posted by Rabbit
No. D'Forester.
My wide drives d'Accord.
*low whisper, mouth covered* Oh Rabbit, we're derailing important discussion in the thread. That's kind of rude. I'm glad you don't consider me as oddious as some other air sign. I've no wish to be oddious to you.
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWater
It is his lack of openness in his texts and avoiding answering questions in the last week or so that is really throwing me. He told me last night that he spent two days working out hard core just to put certain feelings away. ? Wth? Why not just tell me how he feels then?
Hmmm...........................?
From this view it sounds like he is not ready to express such feelings.... But you are in the relationship so you know better. Just an observation.click to expand
Well, it's out. Little old me had one too many bullshit texts... I called him on the change. Asked which man was the real Man. Told him I fell head over heels and exactly when that happened, including the pic. Said that it was simple... if he did not feel the same, to let me go. If he felt the same, to pull me close, and that I would not hang out in limbo. I said I wouldn't watch him force us into something that we are not and That Fate was not something he could control.
Let the shit fall where it may, I'm too old for this bullshit.
Bets anyone? As I laugh, but don't laugh because I don't want to lose him, but if he was not mine I would have lost him anyway.
I will say this, I am very thankful for each and every moment we had together. What a Man, and what an amazing connection. They do not get any better than that, of that I am sure.
I hope and Ask that he does not leave me sit too long, that he texts me back with something positive, and that we can continue to get to know each other...
I hope and Ask that he does not leave me sit too long, that he texts me back with something positive, and that we can continue to get to know each other...
Well...Good for you in taking initiative to address this. : )
Posted by FixedWater
Do I tell him I love him? My mother says No, let him figure it out.
Ok, that's all my head can handle... opinions anyone?
You both are already doing that with actions. Leave it alone, it's only been since November.
Continue to move along, relax and when the time comes..you will know it..NATURALLY.
That's my opinion.
Just got to page three.
Never mind 😢
Never mind 😢
ok, my thoughts in a topic of this sort (and bravo for being brave and letting it out!
Posted by RabbitPosted by CreoleGeisha
Aw geeze, lay off the air signs, will ya? Enough already. Be good to your kissin' cousins and we'll be good to you.
OP, why not just tell your man you love him the minute you feel ready to tell him?
Sorry I shouldn't put ALL air signs in the same category of our resident Scorpio-board-invading-overthinking-likesthesoundofherownvoice-mutable-air-sign-user.click to expand
🙂
Thankyou everyone for your words of advice and encouragement. 🙂
He has communicated with me throughout the afternoon, and evening and since it doesn't feel quite right to describe just yet, I won't. I will only say that I feel as though I have my voice back now. If you know what I mean, and that feels really good. I will post more on this when it feels right to do so.
Really, thankyou
He has communicated with me throughout the afternoon, and evening and since it doesn't feel quite right to describe just yet, I won't. I will only say that I feel as though I have my voice back now. If you know what I mean, and that feels really good. I will post more on this when it feels right to do so.
Really, thankyou
Posted by FixedWater
Well, it's out. Little old me had one too many bullshit texts... I called him on the change. Asked which man was the real Man. Told him I fell head over heels and exactly when that happened, including the pic. Said that it was simple... if he did not feel the same, to let me go. If he felt the same, to pull me close, and that I would not hang out in limbo. I said I wouldn't watch him force us into something that we are not and That Fate was not something he could control.
Let the shit fall where it may, I'm too old for this bullshit.
Bets anyone? As I laugh, but don't laugh because I don't want to lose him, but if he was not mine I would have lost him anyway.
It sounds like you??re pushing too hard, issuing an ultimatum due to impatience. Problem is, you already know this doesn't work with a Scorp. Just because you're ready to express what you feel and he may not be does not mean he does not feel the same—or that he does because perhaps it's too soon? However, because you are —there?? already you seem to be working yourself up over it and if he isn't —there?? with you right now??_.. then, you??ll move on?
I understand the desire to be sure and not feel like you??re simply playing house with this guy, but I honestly think this is one of the issues that can occur when two Scorps are dating. They get all intense (which is a trait I love btw) and demand that their intensity and —commitment?? be matched by the other on the spot just because you feel this way—even though you know that is not how we work. Has he been treating you like FWB or as though he wants anything less than what you want? If so, that's a different story. If not, what's the problem exactly?
All I??ve read is that he manages his feelings differently than you do and hasn't expressed his feelings for you as you have and would like. I don't think that is honouring where he is right now and may backfire. My observation is based on dating a few Scorps and being in his position both times. He may not be the verbal type of Scorp, but expresses what he feels through actions and expects you to get that. Reading the OP (and your other posts) however, it reads as though you think he should be expressing himself as you do:
Posted by FixedWaterI have not held anything back from him, understanding and committing to showing him who the real me is??_.
Posted by FixedWaterThe Man is in love as far as I can tell, and I know when I touch him he feels it from me as well. It is his lack of openness in his texts and avoiding answering questions in the last week or so that is really throwing me. He told me last night that he spent two days working out hard core just to put certain feelings away. ? Wth? Why not just tell me how he feels then? ??_.
My observation is based on this as well:
Posted by FixedWater
I will say this, I am very thankful for each and every moment we had together. What a Man, and what an amazing connection. They do not get any better than that, of that I am sure....
I hope and Ask that he does not leave me sit too long, that he texts me back with something positive, and that we can continue to get to know each other...click to expand
So you have a connection, can "feel" how he may feel about you, yet that is not enough. In the post you are suggesting that you still have things to learn about each other, so why are you trying to push that this declaration occur now after only two month in? You have this great connection, why isn't this enough for the moment? You may be getting in your own way here because insecurity is creeping in.
Posted by FixedWater
Thankyou everyone for your words of advice and encouragement. 🙂
He has communicated with me throughout the afternoon, and evening and since it doesn't feel quite right to describe just yet, I won't. I will only say that I feel as though I have my voice back now. If you know what I mean, and that feels really good. I will post more on this when it feels right to do so.
Really, thankyou
You need to relax. It is one thing to be a Scorp "cool under fire"..but he's going to sense your anxiety in body language. Again..it's only been two months + or - slow down...and good luck.
PhoenixRising, I did give him an ultimatum, and in hindsight I wished I had worded that text a little differently. Much has passed under the bridge since then and I cannot go back... only forward. I do need him to know that I won't be reduced, in any way. I won't accept crumbs because things got a little uncomfortable for him. Would that in itself not indicate that the relationship needs to be authenticated?
LetitB, I agree with you, it is a time to be cool and allow it to happen as it's going to happen. Thankfully we are not physically together as he is at work, or he would know how anxious I am within the first second of eye contact. I am hoping I have 'shut myself off' to him while he is at work. A girl can only try.
I am relating with him in the same way I would relate with him before this started. Open, honestly, and directly. He has been asking the questions for the most part, and I have been answering what I can answer.
Awesome Man, but.... still a Man :-P
LetitB, I agree with you, it is a time to be cool and allow it to happen as it's going to happen. Thankfully we are not physically together as he is at work, or he would know how anxious I am within the first second of eye contact. I am hoping I have 'shut myself off' to him while he is at work. A girl can only try.
I am relating with him in the same way I would relate with him before this started. Open, honestly, and directly. He has been asking the questions for the most part, and I have been answering what I can answer.
Awesome Man, but.... still a Man :-P
Posted by MoonArtist
ok, my thoughts in a topic of this sort (and bravo for being brave and letting it out!
Thankyou Moon, and as I read your comment as well as Phoenix's I keep thinking that I should send a text to him clarifying my feelings to him a little more specifically. When stuff like that comes out there are so many levels to it all. So much passion that you're trying not to show but comes out anyway. I really hate to go back on anything I have said, but sometimes it is called for. Hmmmm..?
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by MoonArtist
ok, my thoughts in a topic of this sort (and bravo for being brave and letting it out!
Thankyou Moon, and as I read your comment as well as Phoenix's I keep thinking that I should send a text to him clarifying my feelings to him a little more specifically. When stuff like that comes out there are so many levels to it all. So much passion that you're trying not to show but comes out anyway. I really hate to go back on anything I have said, but sometimes it is called for. Hmmmm..?click to expand
And also that unconditional Love that I seem to have in abundance wants to come to light today. I really want him to know that it isn't a bad thing to have good intentions. His good intentions were to love me like no man ever had. He was my Hero, in a way I have never had. I don't want him to feel bad when really we are brought together for a reason and maybe this was all it was? Maybe he knows now that he needs to face the pain that is costing him everyday. Maybe I needed some loving from a Man that would not take, just give. There is such a good/bad thought as I really want to keep him even though I will never own him.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
People don't need ultimatums period. I got something that sounded like an ultimatum recently--well 6-8 mos ago--and it pissed me off. I was thinking. No you can't dictate to me when and how I'm going to do something. I'll do it on my own time. Thankyouverymuch. I understood why but I didn't like the implication: do this or else. How about, no? 🙂
I totally agree, and I am really hoping he understood the jist of that text. I did not want to digress or be in Limbo... Maybe I should try to Clarify what my focus was on that text and remove any hint of an ultimatum.
Posted by scorpsagfish
Fixedwater did he reply with anything at all? I wouldn't back track, add or subtract on anything. You have said what you have said to him. If it was me I would allow from him to reach out next.
I don't know about you other scorps but my mind hasn't had great control over my mouth or text fingers over the past few weeks. I have found myself saying a lot of things that I wouldn't usually confess when it comes to love and emotions.
I agree, going back on something I have said just doesn't usually happen. I never feel right doing that. Having said that, he and I communicated very well and would often send texts saying 'I should clarify' or something like that. I could in this case and he would understand it correctly, I think.
He has replied, asked questions, and looked to me for guidance. Last night he mentioned he had to stop (?!) his workout and go to bed. This morning he texted good morning and mentioned that he didn't sleep well last night. He has been quiet since then, busy at work and taking time to process.
I had some MAJOR issues with this whole thing yesterday. I have not backspaced or deleted texts so much as I did yesterday!! Zingers flying off my fingers onto my phone so fast they were shocking even me. Lol I controlled myself VERY well, or today I would be singin a different tune.
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by scorpsagfish
Fixedwater
I don't know about you other scorps but my mind hasn't had great control over my mouth or text fingers over the past few weeks. I have found myself saying a lot of things that I wouldn't usually confess when it comes to love and emotions.
I had some MAJOR issues with this whole thing yesterday. I have not backspaced or deleted texts so much as I did yesterday!! Zingers flying off my fingers onto my phone so fast they were shocking even me. Lol I controlled myself VERY well, or today I would be singin a different tune.
Not to mention the whole 'fell head over heels for you' text I sent initially... Hey! I could just blame it all on the whole retrograde thing... I am not very familiar with all of that but he might not question it. LOL!
click to expand
Posted by IrresistableScorp
People don't need ultimatums period. I got something that sounded like an ultimatum recently--well 6-8 mos ago--and it pissed me off. I was thinking. No you can't dictate to me when and how I'm going to do something. I'll do it on my own time. Thankyouverymuch. I understood why but I didn't like the implication: do this or else. How about, no? 🙂
This^^^is exactly why I posted my comment. Ultimatums do not work with Scorps and depending on the person in question it will backfire. As for your question FW:
Posted by FixedWater
PhoenixRising, I did give him an ultimatum, and in hindsight I wished I had worded that text a little differently. Much has passed under the bridge since then and I cannot go back... only forward. I do need him to know that I won't be reduced, in any way. I won't accept crumbs because things got a little uncomfortable for him. Would that in itself not indicate that the relationship needs to be authenticated?
click to expand
I think one can state their position on a situation and express their feelings/needs without issuing an ultimatum. It allows the other to come to you on his/her terms and for me, that is as authentic as it gets.
Hindsight is 20/20, so you know how to move forward I guess. It was just something to point out because it tends to be an area of growth for most Scorps. Evolved or not.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by IrresistableScorp
People don't need ultimatums period. I got something that sounded like an ultimatum recently--well 6-8 mos ago--and it pissed me off. I was thinking. No you can't dictate to me when and how I'm going to do something. I'll do it on my own time. Thankyouverymuch. I understood why but I didn't like the implication: do this or else. How about, no? 🙂
This^^^is exactly why I posted my comment. Ultimatums do not work with Scorps and depending on the person in question it will backfire. As for your question FW:
Posted by FixedWater
PhoenixRising, I did give him an ultimatum, and in hindsight I wished I had worded that text a little differently. Much has passed under the bridge since then and I cannot go back... only forward. I do need him to know that I won't be reduced, in any way. I won't accept crumbs because things got a little uncomfortable for him. Would that in itself not indicate that the relationship needs to be authenticated?
I think one can state their position on a situation and express their feelings/needs without issuing an ultimatum. It allows the other to come to you on his/her terms and for me, that is as authentic as it gets.
Hindsight is 20/20, so you know how to move forward I guess. It was just something to point out because it tends to be an area of growth for most Scorps. Evolved or not.click to expand
Phoenix, it really wasn't intended as an ultimatum. In reading it after all by itself, without the previous text to give it context it sure sounds like an ultimatum. This really bothers me, as I am not this kind of person.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
The only way to come back from something like an ultimatum with a scorp is to issue a heartfelt apology that shows a complete lack of ego. Get straight down to the heart of the matter which includes baring your deepest vulnerabilities and your most sincere regrets.
You're a scorp. You know how it works. 🙂
Be prepared for it not to lead anywhere but hope for the best. It's all you can do.
+1
Posted by FixedWater
Phoenix, it really wasn't intended as an ultimatum. In reading it after all by itself, without the previous text to give it context it sure sounds like an ultimatum. This really bothers me, as I am not this kind of person.
Fully understood. Does he know that?
I'm not trying to ride you over this, really. I just know how I read it, so it is possible he read it that way as well. He may not have read it that way and he may just shrug it off as "...she's frustrated, I understand". You both share a level of intimacy that allows you to understand each other's behaviour much more than any of us would. I was simply pointing out the potential for this to go sideways because no matter how mature we are, we can slip and some of those nasty traits come to light. That was what I was seeing. If I am wrong, cool. If not and you want a future with this man, be aware of the potential that approach may have to ruin things. Insecurity causes people to do things they may not normally do (or claim they would never do).
*disclaimer: I am naturally rebellious/defiant and will do the opposite of what you said, just because I don't like being told what to do. Ever. I hear/read things with that filter, so take it with a grain of salt.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
The only way to come back from something like an ultimatum with a scorp is to issue a heartfelt apology that shows a complete lack of ego. Get straight down to the heart of the matter which includes baring your deepest vulnerabilities and your most sincere regrets.
You're a scorp. You know how it works. 🙂
Be prepared for it not to lead anywhere but hope for the best. It's all you can do.
I almost did this last night, but he really isn't open for this discussion at all right now.
I took the opportunity tho, to mention that I was waiting for his cue.
You know, It has occurred to me that the man I was getting to know could be his mask, but not the true man. This happens all of the time even though we say we are our genuine selves. Being genuine is Hard to do! I cannot say how many times I wanted to take my quiet corner and leave it at that. It is so much safer there, for me. If you do not know you're true self that would also make it difficult to put that self forward. He and I have HAD this conversation in depth. We spent so much time baring our souls to each other that to think that was not the real man is head swivelling to me. While my head swivels, my heart starts to detatch. Now maybe I could give him what he seems to need...cool. He asked the universe for someone like me (his words, not mine) he asked and wanted an emotional and physical connection with someone that could handle his intensity (lol not a problem) He asked for me, I asked for him, and we got each other. To me, it is time to celebrate! Lol To him— I'm not sure but he sure doesn't seem to be celebrating these days. /😐
The trust factor coming into play? Is this not the best way to balance out feelings? While I struggle to believe in him and all that he showed me, while I struggle to allow it to play itself out, while I struggle to keep my heart from shutting down.... I wonder about these things.
This is how us water signs undermine ourselves. We over analyze and second guess when things change course for even a small amount of time. I catch myself doing this all the time and there's a little trick I've learned and its become almost second nature. I learned this because of dealing with and training animals. If your energy is frantic and confused and second guessing then the animal picks up on it and if you chase they will run. Center yourself, calm yourself and quietly wait while gently pulling in with your energy and they will calm and come to you. It works with people in a way, too.
Posted by MoonArtist
This is how us water signs undermine ourselves. We over analyze and second guess when things change course for even a small amount of time. I catch myself doing this all the time....
Yup. Self-preservation ftw.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by MoonArtist
This is how us water signs undermine ourselves. We over analyze and second guess when things change course for even a small amount of time. I catch myself doing this all the time....
Yup. Self-preservation ftw.click to expand
Yep, it's a bloody double edged sword. Blargen.
Posted by MoonArtist
This is how us water signs undermine ourselves. We over analyze and second guess when things change course for even a small amount of time. I catch myself doing this all the time and there's a little trick I've learned and its become almost second nature. I learned this because of dealing with and training animals. If your energy is frantic and confused and second guessing then the animal picks up on it and if you chase they will run. Center yourself, calm yourself and quietly wait while gently pulling in with your energy and they will calm and come to you. It works with people in a way, too.
I understand Moon, thankyou... As I read your post nodding my head and saying uh huh, this is what I need to do.
I have spent the last few days? really analyzing what we have been building, and how my instincts were leaning. I could let this whole thing go up in a ball of flames, or shut it down just like he never existed, I am so very good at endings. This is not what my instincts are telling me to do though, at least not yet. I have been 'trying on' (?)all kinds of scenarios to see if they sit 'right'. Not to mention, I have triggers that are surfacing as well, that I am working to put away one by one. I am learning too. It is a pretty scary ride in the day to day details. Good thing I'm A Scorp. 🙂
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