What's his deal?

I've been debating how to answer this question... here is goes:

The scorpio contacted me a few days ago so we've been talking. Keeping it casual. Tho he's been much more eager than I have (texting me twice if I don't respond to the first text in a matter of 5-10 mins). Trying to play it cool because I had told him before I didn't think we should talk because while he said we were just friends he ended up kissing me and was very affectionate with me on one occasion about two weeks ago. After that I told him it would be better if we weren't friends because I didn't want to do FWB. Told him we shouldn't talk to each other and that was that. I didn't contact him. (This happened a few weeks ago)

He would try to keep in contact, but the most I gave him was a "haha" to one of his jokes at his work.

Now we're talking again. Idk why I'm doing it. But he's expressing to me how he does things by himself, misses me. So I set out "bait" and made some suggestive references. He took the bait and offered to have me hang out and says "but you're probably busy".

I am for the rest of the night and told him I was studying. When I mentioned I could maybe swing by for a min he sent:

"I'll just entertain myself like always"

then and I responded..

"I said don't worry about it."

Ouch..

So what's with this? He goes full force then nearly snaps at me and goes silent. Did I hit a weak spot?

Idk what he wants from me. I'm so confused. He talks to me similarly like we're still dating.

I want to date him again but I want him to come out and say he wants me since he was the one who ended it

Posted by DazedScorp
I feel like we're not really getting his full story?

What do you mean by his full story?

He told me he didn't like certain things. Mind you they were minor things like my getting drunk, that I'd been working on. All of it I was already working on. But he wasn't patient enough to wait for me to finish my process of being a better person for myself. So we ended it. He's the one contacting me after I told him we can't be fwb which is what he was initiating when he stated he only wanted to be friends then started kissing me.

That's his story

I'm gna go back and respond to the rest but id like to say that before I ended conversations with him Becus of the fwb thing I told him that I couldn't do this (friends who kiss) because I still had feelings for him. So he knows I still have feelings for him. But he's not making a move to take me back...I was real with him. Should I rly just tell him "hey I like you more than a friend. Would you wanna try again?" that just sounds degrading to me since he's the one who ended it. He needs to figure out why he ended it and if it was really worth splitting with me.

i agree with dazed. people get too absorbed in texting and trying to analyse texts and it's such a crap form of communication. what a waste of time when you can just call and arrange to see someone face to face. demand answers for yourself...not necessarily in a rude or agressive way but wtf is this all about what he wants and thinks and feels?? so, it's ok for you to try and interpret his text messages when you clearly still have feelings for him? is that ok for you?? forget what he wants...what do you want? when you decide, you have to go and get it or at least force the issue enough to see if that's possible.

No need to be rude, Nemesis...please.

Kits...What Dazed is saying is to not only set your boundaries, but enforce them. Boundaries don't mean anything if they're not enforce. He is testing yours. When you say you can't speak with him, hang with him, text with him...he IS gonna test those boudaries...by texting, calling etc...

Your silence is the only thing that will have him respect your word. We teach people how to treat us. Don't give in to the temptation, lest it will tell him your boundaries are rubber, and he won't be inclined to be real.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Posted by DazedScorp
If I was you...

"Listen. I want to persue a relationship with you. If that's what you want, that's great. But, you have to be patient with me as I work on some of my issues. I don't want FWB. I don't want to be just friends. I want something serious. Commitment. If that's not something you would like to have with me, then we stop all contact today."

Wow.. an evolved YOUNG male? Color me wowed.

Posted by Nemesis
BGP, some things have to be called by their name, so don't address me in that edifying manner.

as for the rest: happykitsume does not really need or want any advice.

i just realized that.


we??ll have 3 follow up threads for confirmation.

Sweetie, if you can call someone out for being stupid, I can surely call YOU out for being rude.

Thank you now sit down and look pretty. 🙂

And you seem obsessed with what she is doing ot not doing according to how YOU would do things.

Can you breathe ok up on that pedistal in which you sit? This is a place where people vent their anonymous shit...as I have seen YOU do. But you get so emo over it andby being nasty.

Tsk tsk, silly girl.

You don't hide it very well, Dazed... I guess some people just can't see what they're looking at. *Pisces shrug*

@ BGP
it's what I call the piscean divine discontent. have talked about it before: a Pisces will usually ask a kid to act as adult, and the other signs to act as if they reached the end of the learning chain. they're like, why can't this person act perfectly responsible and self respecting from the beginning and not cause themselves trouble? well duh. because they don't have the answers, they're confused, they don't get it from the first attempts, they're caught in repetitive behaviour etc. But the fish don't get that. have you seen a fish interact with their kid? they're not the type to goof around and cuddle and all: as soon as they can they will relate and communicate to the kid as if he were an adult already.
it has to do with Pisces being at the end of the zodiac: they just don't remember how it was in earlier stages, so they'll experience this disconnect.
what they will do is enter plenty of conversations asking people to respect themselves....cause being victimized is a frequent theme of the Pisces and in saying these things they're in some way confronting their own demons, as well as the others ..

just a comment, not meant to take sides but to explain a dynamic

Are you afraid of getting rejected kits? I am too after a certain point

anthony is so hot

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by Sag89
anthony is so hot

Yes, yes he is.

click to expand

Yea, nice 🙂

Posted by DazedScorp
If I was you...

"Listen. I want to persue a relationship with you. If that's what you want, that's great. But, you have to be patient with me as I work on some of my issues. I don't want FWB. I don't want to be just friends. I want something serious. Commitment. If that's not something you would like to have with me, then we stop all contact today."

Thanks everyone for the advice. I read most of it and went to see him last night. Was giving him some tea for his throat and while I was there I was straight with him about everything. Now that he knows the ball is in his court. And for now I'm going to stand back. It'll happen if it's gonna

Posted by Sag89
Are you afraid of getting rejected kits? I am too after a certain point

You mean if I tell him I wanna date? That's partially it, but another reason was because it comes off as almost pressuring. But I guess that depends on how you say it or take it from the other person

Posted by DazedScorp
What did you say?

What did he say?

So intrusive.

I said what was on my mind. We talked about what we had been up to since the last time we saw each other and I realized while both of us are doing well in our lives and meeting our goals we're both still not into anyone else.

I told him that when I went silent on him it was because I needed time for myself to think things over and move from the situation, but that I still cared for him and I prayed for him every night, as well as his band.

He's a man of few words, which drives me crazy. He seemed to understand and appreciate the way I felt. Though he told me he had been a bit depressed because he wanted to take another trip out of the country. He seems to be quite alone

I had been thinking about what I wanted to say before I got there. Originally I was going to say "why don't we just date?" or something to that affect, but it only came off as pressuring in my mind. Then I realized that THAT was his decision because he had ended it, and that all he needed to know was that I still cared about him and would be there for him.

"So intrusive".

See, this is where the Sag loses big time. What's it called, foot in mouth? Ppl on the Scorp forum know about the Sagi's need to get attention, but Dazed was really not the guy you should've dissed imho ... he was just being curious and genuinely interested ..

Posted by Reconstructing_a_Leo
"So intrusive".

See, this is where the Sag loses big time. What's it called, foot in mouth? Ppl on the Scorp forum know about the Sagi's need to get attention, but Dazed was really not the guy you should've dissed imho ... he was just being curious and genuinely interested ..

I say that to people on a playful level, just like I call them nosey. If he gets upset about that it's his deal, but I doubt he's that immature to get butthurt about some anonymous person saying that on the internet

so if he'd feel offended then he'd be the immature because he didn't understand your code? people don't have to.
whatever, just seemed to me you reacted to him lacking guts to respond to the girls
which was not fair since he's pretty much someone who was nice
life on a forum does reflect reality, people will tend to behave in the same manner

Posted by Reconstructing_a_Leo
so if he'd feel offended then he'd be the immature because he didn't understand your code? people don't have to.
whatever, just seemed to me you reacted to him lacking guts to respond to the girls
which was not fair since he's pretty much someone who was nice
life on a forum does reflect reality, people will tend to behave in the same manner

Well if that's how they wanna react then that's their deal. I'm not here to impress people or make sure I don't offend. I said what I said and if he gets offended oh well. I don't see what the big deal is here

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by happykitsune

Posted by Reconstructing_a_Leo
"So intrusive".

See, this is where the Sag loses big time. What's it called, foot in mouth? Ppl on the Scorp forum know about the Sagi's need to get attention, but Dazed was really not the guy you should've dissed imho ... he was just being curious and genuinely interested ..

I say that to people on a playful level, just like I call them nosey. If he gets upset about that it's his deal, but I doubt he's that immature to get butthurt about some anonymous person saying that on the internet

Yeah, the "so intrusive" thing didn't bother me.

It's the fact that Sag women are so god damn scared to take any sort of responsiblity for themselves, that it's fucking sickning.

You just don't get it.

You said you lose integrity by telling him you want him back. NO you don't. You keep the ball in your court and make him come to you.

Tell him you want to be with him, but set your boundries, and make him follow your rules.

Telling him you care...blah blah blah, when you want me back, you can...blah blah blah, just gives him all the power in the world. You have none, and he continues to dangle your sad, little, puppy dog heart on a string.

That's how you lose all your integrity, and your respect as a strong, willful women who knows what she wants.

Scorpio men want a powerful woman who will stand up to them.

The reason why you and Saggy can't keep a good hearted Scorp man? You're both childish.

Grow up. Take responsiblity for your actions. Be a god damn woman FFS.

Peace out.

click to expand

Thanks Dazed. I'll take what you said to heart

find that weird but whatever (that is, for someone to start a thread and then call you nosey on the 4th page)

point well taken and it's true.
still, strength is a relative notion. I can be weak with you but iron in a different aspect of my life etc. also, Pluto's magnetism is well known, it's easy to ask be strong when you don't know what demons the other party is fighting
actually find that quite selfish, be strong cause if you are, I'll just love you more. that's what makes me doubt the whole thing. should you become sick, or go through stuff well then, you're not strong any more
no free lunches on the scorp side 🙂)

Posted by DazedScorp
I don't mean to be an asshole.

I just really wish the best for both you, and Saggy, and some how, you two always fuck it up.

The same goes for my sag roomie.

I feel tough love is the only way to get through with you women.

No I know. You know I thought I had it all under control, but it's like this nagging demon.

Right now I'm trying to figure out how I can turn this around. I feel like I said nothing wrong, but what you told me has made me realize I didn't hold up to what I'd been wanting because I was scared.

If you have any suggestions of where I should take it from here I'm all ears.

Posted by Reconstructing_a_Leo
find that weird but whatever (that is, for someone to start a thread and then call you nosey on the 4th page)

point well taken and it's true.
still, strength is a relative notion. I can be weak with you but iron in a different aspect of my life etc. also, Pluto's magnetism is well known, it's easy to ask be strong when you don't know what demons the other party is fighting
actually find that quite selfish, be strong cause if you are, I'll just love you more. that's what makes me doubt the whole thing. should you become sick, or go through stuff well then, you're not strong any more
no free lunches on the scorp side 🙂)

That's true, and if one so chooses they can be considerate to the other person and exercise grace. But then again we all have our demons. We've all been through stuff. You don't have to ask them to be strong, but it says a lot about their character if they do act strong regardless of the troubles in their life

truth is we always ask from the others what we feel we don't have. for Scorps it's power, might start to feel they're losing power when falling for someone, so they ask you to maintain yours. What draws a Scorp back I think is someone's force to still be themselves.

Posted by Reconstructing_a_Leo
truth is we always ask from the others what we feel we don't have. for Scorps it's power, might start to feel they're losing power when falling for someone, so they ask you to maintain yours. What draws a Scorp back I think is someone's force to still be themselves.

The sad thing that I've found as a sag (maybe this is just me) is that while I want someone very bad I sometimes lose control and go for the easier option which would entail getting the lesser prize...or in this case, not dating him but spending time with him.

It's one of my downfalls. That's why tough love does work on me like dazed said. I do better when people are telling me "you probably couldn't do this.. just try it." I thrive off of those challenges.

I could take a lesson from a taurus in being stubborn. I am so trusting and feel bad for others so I tend to give in easily. It's my downfall

as the opposite sign from Scorp, Taurus contains what its counterpart hasn't learned yet. Taurus is the hard working farmer trying to fill up a barn so that he doesn't need to borrow anything from neighbours. lesson is, find essential resources from within. in trying to merge to the other to engulf their power, Scorpio can forget to develop their own emotional force, therefore end up experiencing the loss and betrayal mechanism ..
always look at the opposite sign for the missing part in ourselves, and try to develop it

Omg, Dazed ♥

Posted by DazedScorp

Posted by Nefer
Omg, Dazed —

What'd I do?

click to expand

You say the same things I do about loving and valuing yourself.. opening up and being beautifully vulnerable (the good kind, the attractive kind).. honesty about what you feel, want, expect.. setting (strong) boundaries and not playing games or expecting people to read your mind or do your dirty work for you - but from the other side, from the man's side.

And it's gratifying.. but a bit eyebrow-raising.. took ME a lot longer to realize these things than it obviously took you, I certainly didn't know this at 25! You're giving out the straight-dope, deepest-core-of-the-relationship "secrets" men don't even talk about, not realizing they're secret, important, and not blatantly obvious to women... but these women don't even know what you're handing them!