Am I tripping or what?

Hi there,

Been dealing with a taurus man since August, yes I know things are still new. What bothers me is that he has a harem of woman chasing after him on Facebook. Can't say that I don't blame them he's a very attractive man. We spend a lot of time together. He spends his weekends with me when he could be out and about with his friends. We hardly text or call during the week, I'm very busy with work and school so I'm hardly ever on my phone. Like clockwork on Friday he's always asking what I'm up to and he ends up at my place or I end up at his place for the weekend. We talk about a lot of things and he tells me personal stuff that I think he doesn't tell anybody else. I've met his mom and brother so far. He Says things like how he's going to move in with me etc.. That is what makes me kind of scared, too fast for me. The thing that annoys me is that he's constantly on his phone! Ohh and one other thing. I'm always cooking for him, he LOVES my cooking. I recently found out he's been taking the credit for my meals. He takes pics and post them on Facebook and acts like he did the work. That's where his harem kicks in full gear. It's so annoying. I don't know how to approach this or if I should just let it go. I really like this man but I'm finding it hard to trust him. Should I call him out on his BS or just go with the flow of things. I know this is silly, but I need advice. I don't want to be demanding so early on when we haven't even so much as talked about exclusivity.

He's clearly not ready for a real relationship so relax.

Don't make him a priority until he's demonstrated he's ready for a real relationship, right now it's superficial.

Do not create a relationship routine with a man you are not official with or you're most likely going to end up disappointed and hurt.

Thanks for your advice.

Thing I don't understand is why is he always looking for me if its not serious..

Men are creatures of habit. If you become his weekend habit he'll look for you.

I would say slow down. Don't INVEST in a man that is displaying signs of being a playboy, an online attention whore etc etc or you're going to get your feelings hurt. This kind of guy is having fun, he's not thinking about you and what you are to him.

You're approaching this as if it's a real relationship and he is not, the part that may confuse you is he's showing up, well who wouldn't show up for a good bedroom shag, a free meal that is so good he can post it online and get lots and lots of attention, there clearly are benefits to being with you.

Pause and take a step back.

Thanks, I'm going to do just that. i'll step back for a bit. It's crazy because in general I'm a giving person. I'm like this with everyone and I know I should be smarter with things like this. When he's with me he seems like he's being genuine. Then I see all this crap. I'll date somebody else in the meantime since it seems like he's not really digging me like I thought he was. We will see

Being attracted to you, digging you has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to be in a relationship with you. He can dig you and still not have being in a commitment on his radar, that can only come with time.

Being genuine when he's with you does not count if he's not being genuine when he's not with you.

Slowing down can be as easy not doing the girlfriend behavior with him, back up on the cooking and sexing when he wants it, do things on your terms from time to time for example have sex when YOU want to. Cook when YOU want to cook for yourself and have enough left over. Heat left overs instead of cooking meals, go out for dinner and let him pay for it.

You kind of have fault in this too. You're not really acting like a girl who wants a boyfriend when you only have a relationship that's reserved on weekends. When you don't communicate during the week it kinda says I don't want much more than a weekend thing. I'ts not all his fault.

tiki is right.

Acting like he cooked it? BIG SIGN.
I'de stop dating him.

Tiki it's true what your saying. I know I'm at fault for giving too much. My schedule is so crazy during the week and he knows it. I hardly have time for myself let alone have time for him. Running around, between work , my clinicals in nursing school,driving my daughter back and forth to work. It's bananas. Every now and then I will shoot him a quick text but that's about it. Either way I'm just going to take your advice and just back off a little bit

You need to back off more than just a bit. He has you part of his Harem and you don't know it. Should have asked his mother how many of his friends has she met. He isn't serious. He is running game. I would get up and leave the table.

Why are we advising her to "back off"

Leave the dude, you honestly think you can change that by backing off?

Good luck

Backing off means he's still an option.

I see it as if I where her and I craved a bit of connection, intimacy ie sex, ditching him would be the last option who wants to stay connected to male energy.

Sometimes all it takes is a reality check. If she's looking for a stable commitment/boyfriend yes dump him but if she's looking to stay connected physically, enjoy male energy, experience a bit of fun during her down time, keep him but stop treating the situation like it's going to lead into something more serious.

What does she really want? Something serious? Something to fill up her time/weekends?

I've been going with the flow of things, Enjoying my time with him. I do nice things because it's my character, it's who I am. I thought in any kind of relationship whether it be friends, family, romantic, etc.. Your suppose to be your real self. I didn't think I was doing any harm, but apparently I was. I didn't think he would do something this silly. Who does that? Take credit for something that isn't even theirs to take. Lol I still haven't confronted him and I've Actually talked to him today. He Already trying to make plans for after thanksgiving. He thought I was going to his place for the holiday. I told him that I would get back to him about the weekend, said I has stuff going on ..lol.

But mood if you're DOING nice things for a guy you have not established a real relationship with then you're actually CREATING and CAUSING this problem. He's just doing what he wants to do. There is no verbal/written commitment/notice that he can't post up your food online. Had you not been cooking like a gourmet chef he wouldn't have food to post. He's being a douche but you're actually a culprit in this situation as well.

You treating a guy who is not committed to you like he's your man, like he's your king benefits HIM HIM HIM, so his being selfish is normal because when we women make it all about a man we actually encourage selfishness, narcissism and bad behavior.

Save your gourmet meals, cooking, etc for YOUR MAN, the man that has committed himself to you. Doesn't sound like a bad guy, just a guy you've established a fake relationship with whose benefiting from it.

Spend Thanksgiving with your family, the people who love and appreciate everything you do.

Posted by tiki33
Backing off means he's still an option.

I see it as if I where her and I craved a bit of connection, intimacy ie sex, ditching him would be the last option who wants to stay connected to male energy.

Sometimes all it takes is a reality check. If she's looking for a stable commitment/boyfriend yes dump him but if she's looking to stay connected physically, enjoy male energy, experience a bit of fun during her down time, keep him but stop treating the situation like it's going to lead into something more serious.

What does she really want? Something serious? Something to fill up her time/weekends?

soubds like she prefers a relationship if you ask me.

I couldn't read it since it's only on the weekends. Seeing one another on the weekends and only communicating on the weekends are more align with being a FWB kind of thing.

Posted by tiki33
I couldn't read it since it's only on the weekends. Seeing one another on the weekends and only communicating on the weekends are more align with being a FWB kind of thing.

she wants a relationship....

Roam is correct.. I want a relationship. Like I said before I didn't think I was doing any harm. I take the hit on this one because I'm totally confused by him. He wants me to meet his daughter. He keeps saying how he gonna stay with me for good. When we are together he's always talking about the future. But how can there be a future when he has all these chicks after him. Like somebody else commented earlier, he's making me part of his harem and I'm sick to my stomach about it.

I don't want to be a part of that..

Posted by Moodz2468
Roam is correct.. I want a relationship. Like I said before I didn't think I was doing any harm. I take the hit on this one because I'm totally confused by him. He wants me to meet his daughter. He keeps saying how he gonna stay with me for good. When we are together he's always talking about the future. But how can there be a future when he has all these chicks after him. Like somebody else commented earlier, he's making me part of his harem and I'm sick to my stomach about it.

well the ladies part.. My dude has Instagram stalkers but he's faithful. I'm a psychic so I can tell...but what struck me with your situation is him lying about the food. That means he'll lie to you

Roam how do you handle the stalkers? These thirsty ladies constantly going after your man. It's crazy. I want to be able to have faith in him and trust him. I don't even know how to confront him about his stupid posts. I don't even have Facebook or Instagram. I found this out by a friend of mine who's friend is friends with him.. Lol I know me leaving him is the right thing to do. Honestly deep down I don't want to, but I have to. During this week has been the most I've ever talked to him on the phone. We talked late last night, I almost wanted to confront him then, I just couldn't .

Posted by Moodz2468
Roam how do you handle the stalkers? These thirsty ladies constantly going after your man. It's crazy. I want to be able to have faith in him and trust him. I don't even know how to confront him about his stupid posts. I don't even have Facebook or Instagram. I found this out by a friend of mine who's friend is friends with him.. Lol I know me leaving him is the right thing to do. Honestly deep down I don't want to, but I have to. During this week has been the most I've ever talked to him on the phone. We talked late last night, I almost wanted to confront him then, I just couldn't .

Well since I'm psychic I just read into it to see if he's pursuing them and he's not.

Posted by Roam

Posted by Moodz2468
Roam how do you handle the stalkers? These thirsty ladies constantly going after your man. It's crazy. I want to be able to have faith in him and trust him. I don't even know how to confront him about his stupid posts. I don't even have Facebook or Instagram. I found this out by a friend of mine who's friend is friends with him.. Lol I know me leaving him is the right thing to do. Honestly deep down I don't want to, but I have to. During this week has been the most I've ever talked to him on the phone. We talked late last night, I almost wanted to confront him then, I just couldn't .

Well since I'm psychic I just read into it to see if he's pursuing them and he's not.

click to expand

Out of interest, how do you do that or how does it work?

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by Roam

Posted by Moodz2468
Roam how do you handle the stalkers? These thirsty ladies constantly going after your man. It's crazy. I want to be able to have faith in him and trust him. I don't even know how to confront him about his stupid posts. I don't even have Facebook or Instagram. I found this out by a friend of mine who's friend is friends with him.. Lol I know me leaving him is the right thing to do. Honestly deep down I don't want to, but I have to. During this week has been the most I've ever talked to him on the phone. We talked late last night, I almost wanted to confront him then, I just couldn't .

Well since I'm psychic I just read into it to see if he's pursuing them and he's not.

Out of interest, how do you do that or how does it work?

click to expand

Breathing techniques, trust, knowing when the image is going appear

Interesting.
I don't know if he's persuing. I honestly think he likes all that attention. It makes sense, look at the attention I've given him... Lol I can say gives it right back to me. That's what drives me crazy!

Posted by aurora
you can tease him about the pics he posted. because it is actually funny. and observe the reaction. just say, oh my friend told me something hilarious today! that you are posting pics of my food and taking credit for it lol! and all your ladies are turned on. you want cooking lessons? it's not nice to lie.
something like that. keep it light.

Ha ha ha... Great idea! _??

You want a real relationship and yet you're doing this weekend thing, that's a big mixed message on your part.

A lot of women get down on men about how they behave but that's just the half of it. The other half is the behavior of the woman, what her behavior actually is telling a man versus what she really wants and your behavior can easily be interpreted wrong and be the culprit as to why things can get off track quickly.

It's not enough that you cook and only speak on the weekends. His mixed messages are because of you, he's saying you're going to be together to gauge your feelings and if you're not reacting and responding as if that's what you truly want to then he's back to being his old self, doing what he's always done online.

You want a real relationship which is fine but you're behavior does not say I want a real relationship, it actually says I want to be a weekend thank and thus he's treating the situation that way but then he's wrong.

I'm not coming down on you but I would suggest you be a bit more vulnerable/clear about your own intentions when you're dating a man.

The guy is actually not doing anything wrong, he's not a mind reader, he can't know that you're not okay with the pic postings etc unless you speak up about it.

You're keeping this INSIDE of yourself for what days/weeks which does not allow you to be open, vulnerable, aware of the present moment which creates a disconnect between the 2. This issue can go on and on for weeks pushing you further apart. Deal with it or let it go, shut up about it, move on from it.

weekend thang

I spend time with him in the weekends because that's all we have. He works, I work and go to school. Our hours during the week clash. I didn't say that I dont text him during the week I said we hardly do.. So your telling me I should text and call more. I dint understand. I thought if I text and call too much it's me being needy and if I don do it often it's me being aloof about the whole thing? Well what is it? What the hell am I suppose to do? I'm going about this the best way u know how. Well just to give you an update he's ignoring me anyways. I Kniw it's thanksgiving but I know he's seen my text And I called, but yet he has time to be all up on facebook.. Silly me

Posted by tiki33
You want a real relationship and yet you're doing this weekend thing, that's a big mixed message on your part.

A lot of women get down on men about how they behave but that's just the half of it. The other half is the behavior of the woman, what her behavior actually is telling a man versus what she really wants and your behavior can easily be interpreted wrong and be the culprit as to why things can get off track quickly.

It's not enough that you cook and only speak on the weekends. His mixed messages are because of you, he's saying you're going to be together to gauge your feelings and if you're not reacting and responding as if that's what you truly want to then he's back to being his old self, doing what he's always done online.

You want a real relationship which is fine but you're behavior does not say I want a real relationship, it actually says I want to be a weekend thank and thus he's treating the situation that way but then he's wrong.

I'm not coming down on you but I would suggest you be a bit more vulnerable/clear about your own intentions when you're dating a man.

The guy is actually not doing anything wrong, he's not a mind reader, he can't know that you're not okay with the pic postings etc unless you speak up about it.

You're keeping this INSIDE of yourself for what days/weeks which does not allow you to be open, vulnerable, aware of the present moment which creates a disconnect between the 2. This issue can go on and on for weeks pushing you further apart. Deal with it or let it go, shut up about it, move on from it.

...what? honey...those are the only days she has to spend with him.

I understand that's the only time you have but that is a MESSAGE and men are not women they don't receive the message the way you and I and other women would receive it.

Put yourself in his shoes. He only see you on the weekends. So what is he supposed to do with the other 5 days out of the week? Is he supposed to stop communicating with women on Facebook? Is he supposed to not post up pictures of delicious food? My point being, he is not a mind reader. He's a single man and he's behaving like a single man.

You're both sending out mixed messages. Give the guy a chance. Start asking questions when he's coming at you with the whole smooth charming talk about being with you. Ask him does he mean it. I mean where is the communication in this situation?

The issue is not him posting pictures. The issue is lack of communication. Lack of understanding between the 2 of you...

He's treating you like you're not his girlfriend but a potential girlfriend. You're treating him like he's your boyfriend and expecting him to behave like a boyfriend.

He had his FB harem before you ever showed up so now since he's met you he should do what exactly?

He had certain habits and certain behaviors before you came into his life so now he's supposed to do what? Alter it. And why exactly would he be doing that?

Slow down. That is all I'm saying. You clearly don't want to leave the guy alone. Maybe take some of this alone time to figure out what you want and then figure out how to relate what you want over to a man before making assumptions and getting huffy about something you have no control over to begin with.

He's probably a good guy waiting for a woman whose able to create healthy boundaries that he can follow and fall in love with.

Posted by Moodz2468
I spend time with him in the weekends because that's all we have. He works, I work and go to school. Our hours during the week clash. I didn't say that I dont text him during the week I said we hardly do.. So your telling me I should text and call more. I dint understand. I thought if I text and call too much it's me being needy and if I don do it often it's me being aloof about the whole thing? Well what is it? What the hell am I suppose to do? I'm going about this the best way u know how. Well just to give you an update he's ignoring me anyways. I Kniw it's thanksgiving but I know he's seen my text And I called, but yet he has time to be all up on facebook.. Silly me

ew

see I chose to never put up with bs like that from a man.
and i got a king.
he wouldnt dare.
choose better.
you get better.

Every member of the harem doesn't get introduced to the family or inner circle.

It appears that he wants a relationship with you, but still wants to play the field.

How old is he?

He sounds young.

He's 34 years old.

I'm going to confront him about the posts and his online harem. I'm nervous, but I rather do it face to face.

Posted by Moodz2468
He's 34 years old.

I'm going to confront him about the posts and his online harem. I'm nervous, but I rather do it face to face.

I find online fan clubs to be the trend, regardless of zodiac. I had been dating a body builder. .. he was the MOST insecure human! He had fb groupies, but got all bent out of shape if a male paid me a compliment. Crazy!

So update. I confronted him about the posts and he took them down. Says he was sorry and wont do it again. I also told him that it was rude of him to be on his phone all the while with me. He said he was being ignorant. after our conversation he continues to be on his phone and I have a gut feeling he's texting other women while with me. I'm sick about all this literally sick to my stomach. I have to leave him. It sucks because I really saw potential in us . It's like he didn't even try for me, but then again why should he

😢 that's a shame but if you've confronted him and he's apologised/taken it on board and decided to continue doing exactly what he's been doing then clearly he doesn't give a shit. You have your answer. It shows you everything you need to know and it shows you what he would be like if you were in an actual relationship. He's old enough to know better but is a f'ing idiot!

He doesn't know what he wants. He says he like being single , but then acts like I'm his girlfriend. He bought an expensive gift for me this past weekend. Wants me to meet his daughter etc.... I don't undrstsnd him

I've been ignoring him since yesterday and he's been blowing up my phone. He was saying something the other day along the lines of trusting him, that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. How can I trust him when he doesn't have the common courtesy to even know that his phone habits are a problem. While I'm with him I'm never on my phone. I know he's hiding something. I feel it in my gut, but I'm not hoing to be a sucker no longer for him.

Posted by Moodz2468
He doesn't know what he wants. He says he like being single , but then acts like I'm his girlfriend. He bought an expensive gift for me this past weekend. Wants me to meet his daughter etc.... I don't undrstsnd him

He wants the benefits of a girlfriend with no commitment. blech.

He's just a jerk he knows he looks good. He's very very good looking built like a fit football player. He thinks he's gods gift to women. I'm sure he had some good intentions with me, but he showed me that he didn't give a damn about anybody but himself. Which he has every right to but still have some common courtesy.

Posted by Moodz2468
He's just a jerk he knows he looks good. He's very very good looking built like a fit football player. He thinks he's gods gift to women. I'm sure he had some good intentions with me, but he showed me that he didn't give a damn about anybody but himself. Which he has every right to but still have some common courtesy.

Yup, sounds like the one I went to see. Zero manners or common decency but then that's not just astrology, that's the individual. I'm sure he'll grow up at some point...

Still standing my ground.. He's been trying to come back. Heard through the grapevine that he's been using some other chick.. Poor girl. I'm all set and done.