I have had a Taurus best friend for 7 years and I feel like I have failed as a friend.

Hello, I hope you will take the time to read this. Please and thank you. This might sound stupid as I'm still young and I have a lot of trouble. I need help, though, so I would like assistance.

So here is the deal. I am 19 year old Scorpio female who is a friend of a Taurus male. We only know each other via the Internet which complicates things. I want to meet him IRL but I don't even know how he looks like (which is not a problem). He also never showed interest in meeting. He is one year older than me, and has had more experiences than I have.

He is also highly intelligent and I always saw him as my mentor, he taught me a lot. We have known each other since we were teenagers, too, so we "grew up together". I met him when I was very depressed and talking to him was a way of forgetting what I was going through. (I still suffer from depression and other mental problems).

We usually talk about music or other mutual interests, however it's not enough (for me). I'm his friend yet it's almost like we were strangers to each other. I wish I knew him more.

Another important thing is that I developed feelings for him a long time ago, however he never said anything about it, etc. So it's probably unrequited love. I tried to push these feelings aside, but it is hard. I am still dealing with this. Due to my feelings I can be quite jealous but I try not to show that side and I feel bad for being jealous.

Long story.

Here is why I think I have failed as a friend and why I think I might give up the relationship:

We had lost contact multiple times for different reasons, one of them being that he deleted me once or twice, probably because of my feelings about him. I hurt him for loving him romantically, so I believe he tried to stop talking to me forever. However I contacted him and he came back.

And there was a time that, for almost a year, I had no Internet, so I disappeared. I believe he looked for me and missed me due to certain things that I have been told, however, sometimes it is hard to believe that he cares about me. After I returned to the Internet, I had a terrible feeling - it seemed like everyone changed, including him, and that we weren't friends like before. He said a few things about himself which I found unusual, but still kept other things private.

He always came back. I always came back too. I am extremely loyal and honest.

There is also the fact that he never reveals anything about himself, as expected from a Taurus - sometimes, he does, but nothing excessively personal, if anything at all. However, 4-5 years ago, he was drunk and said a bunch of things to me, personal things. I didn't care at the moment, but after I realised what he did I reacted very stupidly. I was shocked because I had completely different expectations of how he was, and at the same time, I wanted to protect him from harm and desired his happiness. I was a teenager and I said a bunch of crap that I regret. Nothing rude, but I didn't react appropriately.

I feel like I have lost his trust there, years ago, and that I will never regain it again. Two years after that incident, he shared something confidential (his account details for a video game), however, that kind of thing doesn't really matter and I did nothing with that info.

I have also disappointed him before for being dumb about certain topics and I feel bad about it. Also, for being depressed - he lashed out at me once.

Keep in mind that I do not know basic things about him, stuff you'd usually share to a friend. There's a lot he hides. A few days ago he was revealing stuff about college - his major, etc. I felt good that he trusted me with this info. But I still can't shake the guilt and shame of having disappointed him and lost his trust.

I reveal things about myself and even showed a picture of my face (something I almost never do), but no luck.

Every time I say something "important" or personal, or whatever, he ignores me and pretends like nothing happened, it's like he doesn't want to deal with anything. I have told him he can trust me, etc.

I told him to stop talking to me multiple times because it seems like I hurt him and that I am not a good friend to be around however he ignores that and still keeps talking to me. I almost want to give up this relationship of 7 years.

Sometimes it almost seems like I'm giving more than receiving... 😢 Although at the same time I don't think I deserve his friendship.

Sorry, I'm bumping...

For Taureans or anyother signs meeting is always important, get to know that person, talk to him. but i feel he's too shy to meet u. but if you're serious about this then take the efforts of meeting please.

Hard situation but know whatever you feel is not wrong. It may or my not be what he wants to hear which is different. If you want him to eventually love you for you, you BOTH have to put all the cards on the table. Distance is hard for Taurus romantically as we are very tactile lovers generally. You both are very young so you are both experiencing a lot separately right now. Have you ever mentioned wanting to visit him?