I need a scorp ladies advice, on a sting.

my ex-scorp, who has had a year long boyfriend just texted me asking how I've been as we haven't talked for a few weeks. I simply responded. "Look...I'm sorry I've been distant, its just. I'd rather have none of you than just 15% of you" to which s
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  • hellosaggy
    Sag Sun, Aries Moon, Scorp Rising, Scorp Venus, Libra Mars, Cap Merc
    34 years old male
    my ex-scorp, who has had a year long boyfriend just texted me asking how I've been as we haven't talked for a few weeks.

    I simply responded.
    "Look...I'm sorry I've been distant, its just. I'd rather have none of you than just 15% of you"

    to which she responded:
    "Well goodbye. thank you for everything. Good luck with your life."

    I think I probably hurt her with that line. she replied back quickly with her response. I doubt she really feels that way after knowing each other 5 years and building the bond we had. She's been trying to be friends(while denying our connection) for the last few months I've been back, but I'm really done with the fake friendship.

    you think that's enough to get her to really think on it, or is this her "sting" goodbye. I personally haven't done anything wrong by her.

  • not a scorp lady, but the important thing is - is it literally true? Would you rather have none than just 15% ? If so, stick to your guns. If it was just an attempt to manipulate though, that will usually receive the same in turn; a Scorp will just double down. Honesty/vulnerability/directness is usually the best course of action with a Scorp. So instead, maybe you should've tried: "I'm sorry I've been distant. I'm having a hard time because I want more out of our relationship than you're able to give right now." Subtle but important difference in language in that the threat of abandonment (which your absence of late already implied) is gone. Its not that we can't read between the lines of what you're feeling; she's just already put on the defensive by what your actions are showing and now your words cement them.
  • this is not a sting btw....its just her respecting your clearly expressed desires....

    not be harsh but I see a lot of this kind of bluffer's remorse turned to blame-shifting on this board....
  • Ellygant
    Ascendant in Clumsy, Sun/Mercury/Venus in Scary, Moon in Comfort, Mars in Giddy
    Dude that’s not a sting. That you giving her a boundary. And her following it. She literally thanked you lol.

    Considering the highly immature back and forth you two have been having for months consider this a small victory for you both. She’s going to try to let go so you can move on. So let her. And if she tried to rope you in again while she still has a boyfriend then just copy paste that text.

    Don’t try to game or analyze. Just move on and be happy Dude.
  • Scorpico
    Gracefully Insane...
    female
    I'm pretty sure that hurt her feelings, it seemed kind of jarring and blunt. But it sounds like you said what you meant, and she picked a lane.
  • hellosaggy
    Sag Sun, Aries Moon, Scorp Rising, Scorp Venus, Libra Mars, Cap Merc
    34 years old male
    Oh it's not bluffer's remorse at all. I'm done with the back and forth from the last few months.

    Yes, it is true. I don't want her as a buddy/friend. I'm dating now and I'd drop them all for her, but not for this crap that we've been doing the last few months. Seeing and talking to her still pulls at me. It's either you are in or out. Trust me its not one-sided. She won't drop the bf so its good-bye. She's even joked with me about past things we've done sexually and on our travels.

    She feels like we shouldn't stop talking because we have great chemistry and similar interest, so we should be friends at least. that's not a damn compromise.

  • Ellygant
    Ascendant in Clumsy, Sun/Mercury/Venus in Scary, Moon in Comfort, Mars in Giddy
    Posted by hellosaggy
    Oh it's not bluffer's remorse at all. I'm done with the back and forth from the last few months.

    Yes, it is true. I don't want her as a buddy/friend. I'm dating now and I'd drop them all for her, but not for this crap that we've been doing the last few months. Seeing and talking to her still pulls at me. It's either you are in or out. Trust me its not one-sided. She won't drop the bf so its good-bye. She's even joked with me about past things we've done sexually and on our travels.

    She feels like we shouldn't stop talking because we have great chemistry and similar interest, so we should be friends at least. that's not a damn compromise.



    Look bro. I have the same sun and moon as this chick. Ive been following your threads for a few months now and I’m not saying your wrong.

    You left. No word.
    She moved on.
    You came back, which surprised her. She had to face all the feelings she gave up on.
    She faced them, and still chose the guy she moved on with.
    Then she starts trying to rebuild the connection. Likely to see if she can slip right back into something with you if things go south with this guy.
    You have feelings and a little bit of guilt for having left her, so you entertain the back and forth.
    You finally deal with the reality she hasn’t chosen you and put a boundary up and say what you want, definitively.
    She still chooses the other guy and agrees to back off.

    If she was worth investing your emotional energy into, she would have, at any point, chosen you. But she hasn’t. So, in some way, she still is unable to get past the fact you left. And that’s your cue to leave this in the past. Why would you want to dump more emotional thought into someone who can’t grow with you? You’re wasting energy saggy.

    Come on dude. Move on. Stop wasting happiness by chasing failed chemistry. It prevents you from being open to something real.
  • Posted by hellosaggy


    Yes, it is true. I don't want her as a buddy/friend.....She won't drop the bf so its good-bye.



    If that's true, there's not much more to be said then. If its really goodbye though, why are you asking if its "enough to get her to really think on it" and "is this her 'sting' goodbye"? That just doesn't sound like a real goodbye, but an attempt at manipulation.

    I guess its wait and see then. You'll find out whether or not your abandonment threat is enough to get her to leave her man. Its probably not if she was only giving 15% to you.
  • so you abandoned her once, and are threatening that again to get her back....I don't think it will work. She knows what that feels like and knows she can handle it....plus now she's losing a lot less of you than before...

    ...but let me not be too pessimistic...maybe you get a greater percentage of her out of this....

  • hellosaggy
    Sag Sun, Aries Moon, Scorp Rising, Scorp Venus, Libra Mars, Cap Merc
    34 years old male
    no its my way of telling her I'm not doing the fence thing anymore. I've done my work the last 3 months rekindling but I can't keep doing the back and forth.

    So yeah maybe it hurt and she responded, and its how she truly feels or its making her think if she wants us to completely sever.

    I did not abandon her by choice. she was the most important person in my life for me. leaving her hurt me more than anything.
  • urbane101
    sun: pisces asc: scorpio moon: taurus mars: aquarius venus: aquarius
    male
    Posted by Ellygant
    Posted by hellosaggy
    Oh it's not bluffer's remorse at all. I'm done with the back and forth from the last few months.

    Yes, it is true. I don't want her as a buddy/friend. I'm dating now and I'd drop them all for her, but not for this crap that we've been doing the last few months. Seeing and talking to her still pulls at me. It's either you are in or out. Trust me its not one-sided. She won't drop the bf so its good-bye. She's even joked with me about past things we've done sexually and on our travels.

    She feels like we shouldn't stop talking because we have great chemistry and similar interest, so we should be friends at least. that's not a damn compromise.



    Look bro. I have the same sun and moon as this chick. Ive been following your threads for a few months now and I’m not saying your wrong.

    You left. No word.
    She moved on.
    You came back, which surprised her. She had to face all the feelings she gave up on.
    She faced them, and still chose the guy she moved on with.
    Then she starts trying to rebuild the connection. Likely to see if she can slip right back into something with you if things go south with this guy.
    You have feelings and a little bit of guilt for having left her, so you entertain the back and forth.
    You finally deal with the reality she hasn’t chosen you and put a boundary up and say what you want, definitively.
    She still chooses the other guy and agrees to back off.

    If she was worth investing your emotional energy into, she would have, at any point, chosen you. But she hasn’t. So, in some way, she still is unable to get past the fact you left. And that’s your cue to leave this in the past. Why would you want to dump more emotional thought into someone who can’t grow with you? You’re wasting energy saggy.

    Come on dude. Move on. Stop wasting happiness by chasing failed chemistry. It prevents you from being open to something real.
    click to expand


    This 10/10 is literally everything you needed. Great answer, my thoughts exactly!
  • Posted by hellosaggy
    no its my way of telling her I'm not doing the fence thing anymore. I've done my work the last 3 months rekindling but I can't keep doing the back and forth.

    So yeah maybe it hurt and she responded, and its how she truly feels or its making her think if she wants us to completely sever.

    I did not abandon her by choice. she was the most important person in my life for me. leaving her hurt me more than anything.


    She's probably too afraid of that hurt, and too aware of her ability to get past it, to be afraid of it in a lesser form though.

    I'm telling you - don't get in these kind of standoffs with Scorps. We are too stubborn and proud. We'll take the death, and make it through to the other side. Just lay it out honestly/openly, without any appearance of threat, just saying what you can and cannot do for your own emotional well-being, and accept her decision. If its not enough for you, then move on for real and don't concern your self with her response. If she won't leave her man for you, that has to say something. And really, any concession she does give, that is less than that, will be really easy for her to work right back into the same position you're in now.
  • tiziani
    Venusian Gigolo
    Posted by Metatron
    Posted by hellosaggy
    no its my way of telling her I'm not doing the fence thing anymore. I've done my work the last 3 months rekindling but I can't keep doing the back and forth.

    So yeah maybe it hurt and she responded, and its how she truly feels or its making her think if she wants us to completely sever.

    I did not abandon her by choice. she was the most important person in my life for me. leaving her hurt me more than anything.


    She's probably too afraid of that hurt, and too aware of her ability to get past it, to be afraid of it in a lesser form though.

    I'm telling you - don't get in these kind of standoffs with Scorps. We are too stubborn and proud. We'll take the death, and make it through to the other side. Just lay it out honestly/openly, without any appearance of threat, just saying what you can and cannot do for your own emotional well-being, and accept her decision. If its not enough for you, then move on for real and don't concern your self with her response. If she won't leave her man for you, that has to say something. And really, any concession she does give, that is less than that, will be really easy for her to work right back into the same position you're in now.
    click to expand


    Too afraid of her ability to get past it lol

    Never thought of it like that before

  • nikkistar
    My moral compass acts like its in the Bermuda Triangle
    Let's see, you abandoned her, expected her to jump back with you, but she moved on. Decided she would ride it out with a guy that didn't abandon her, and then basically say all or nothing, (essentially threatening to abandon her again, but in a friend way now) and you didn't see the outcome of her not sticking around?

    K.
  • Posted by nikkistar
    Let's see, you abandoned her, expected her to jump back with you, but she moved on. Decided she would ride it out with a guy that didn't abandon her, and then basically say all or nothing, (essentially threatening to abandon her again, but in a friend way now)


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