I'm crashing your board, but here's my story

I need to get this out. My (May) Taurus ex texted me yesterday with the message, "ari3sfire, when is the next time you're going to be in town?"
This after 10 months of silence following an email he sent me telling me he didn't feel the same about me anymore.
This roused up some feelings I had been trying to eliminate since that painful time.

Long story short, we met (ugh) on a seemingly reputable online dating site, chatted for quite some time, made the decision to meet while I was in town visiting some friends.

It was Instant chemistry and he seemed to have a certain insight into my emotional site, which felt comforting.

Daily endearing text messages and funny calls to my job just to say hello to me. Lovely gifts. Declarations of love. Me pulling strings to help get him out of trouble in the city he lived in (I used to live there and still have a lot of good connections)

This was the first time, in a long time, I felt like I was with "the one."

Then, I felt a distance.

He was looking for a way out, perhaps. Starting arguments over nothing. With us living three hours away from each other, I emphasized to him we don't have the luxury of break up to make up like others do.
We have to be careful to be on the same page.

But things fall apart.

And if you know Aries you know I tried. I pursued. I humbled myself by in my opinion by asking what we could do to change this - to fight for what I felt was so precious and real to me.
Nothing but the rocks of silence I seemed to throw myself on. So I decided to stop hurting myself. I suspect he found someone else, and decided to take the easy way out and simply ignore me.

10 months later the everyday ache has disappeared, but when he crosses my mind - still it burns.
I feel ashamed I trusted the most intimate parts of my myself with him. I lowered my guard. I feel lied to, because in the end he wasn't the man i thought in more ways than one. I feel disrespected.
But most of all, I feel this patient, burning sense of vengeance. Call it more Athena, then Aries, but a part of me is willing to play nice in order to meet and air my grievances//verbally eviscerate him if I'm feeling some sort of restraint. I feel like i need some sort of justice.

I know the right answer is not to respond, but I would like to know why the contact? Is he just trying to see if I moved on. Idle curiosity on his part?

Don't answer the text, some men do this whole familiarity thing where they act as if nothing ever happened, this disarms a woman and some women fall in line with picking back up where they left off only to get dismissed and dumped again.

HOOVER (google it) and you'll find a thorough explanation as to why they hoover but basically he's just coming back in to ensure you're still IN LOVE so he can feel better about himself, he's also trying to disarm you again so he can wield his charm and Narc powers to seduce you again.

He does not want anything, I REPEAT, he doesn't want anything, the moment you answer him he'll go missing in action. "Yep she answered, she's still in love, I can get it when I want, I'll just throw her back and try to get a bigger fish to bite my bait, don't fall for that."

He KNOW you didn't get real closure so of course if you don't get real closure then you are still OPEN to the possibility of reconciliation especially since you tried so hard to mend the problem thus this gives him an EASY in.

The way you win is to SAY NOTHING because when you say nothing he becomes irrelevant, he isn't all that hot and just maybe you weren't all that in love with him, this fucks with his huge ego way better than any words you could ever say, he'll cringe at the idea that you've moved on so soon and then he'll be the one attempting to fix you so you'll adore him again so he won't feel like the douche he really is for being so obstinate and unyielding assclown.

Posted by ari3sfire
10 months later the everyday ache has disappeared, but when he crosses my mind - still it burns.
I feel ashamed I trusted the most intimate parts of my myself with him. I lowered my guard. I feel lied to, because in the end he wasn't the man i thought in more ways than one. I feel disrespected.
But most of all, I feel this patient, burning sense of vengeance. Call it more Athena, then Aries, but a part of me is willing to play nice in order to meet and air my grievances//verbally eviscerate him if I'm feeling some sort of restraint. I feel like i need some sort of justice.

I know the right answer is not to respond, but I would like to know why the contact? Is he just trying to see if I moved on. Idle curiosity on his part?

Damn...my Venus in Aries FEEEEEELS her pain here, while my Scorp Moon WOULD "play sweet" & meet up with him, ONLY to air him out and rip him a NEW one..and then change my number.. Sometimes having the last word is MORE than enough..fck his ego, she needs CLOSURE.


*siiiigh* While Tiki is right.. my boiling and bubbling urge for revenge burns much too strongly..
Do what's right for YOU.

Posted by ari3sfire
Then, I felt a distance.

This sounds like he was keeping his options open. The long distance was an issue

Posted by ari3sfire
He was looking for a way out, perhaps. Starting arguments over nothing. With us living three hours away from each other,

He may not have led you on in the way that you thought he did. I DO believe that he was keeping his options open, and seeing other women while he was dating you. He may have been really feeling you, but the long distance was definitely an issue. Bulls may not require lots of attention, but we do NEED NEED lots of affection from our mates.

Posted by ari3sfire
I know the right answer is not to respond, but I would like to know why the contact? Is he just trying to see if I moved on. Idle curiosity on his part?

click to expand

I would agree to meet with him. Hear what he has to say. Pay attention to the eyes. With a Bull, everything is in the eyes, you can tell if we're lying, sincere, being evasive, truthful, or just full of CaCa!

He may have some regrets, he may just want a quickie(one-night stand), he may want a friendship. Or he may want to pursue something serious. You will never know until you agree to meet with him.

My theory supports what the poster said because of her attempts to reconcile only for him to come back later as if NOTHING on his part ever occurred, this is typical behavior from selfish men that play head games with women, they all do the same thing, her theme is no different.

The shame is part of the dumping phase, the person being dumped takes full responsibility for the break up, even when he was being a total douche assclown she most likely blames herself thus she's the one feeling shame, his rejection of her creates shame, something must be really wrong with me if I can't fix this with him, this is what some men that have power issues want which completely absolves him from his douchebaggery ways. This is game of course, headfucking.

Suddenly he's back as if he has the option to come back. Now of course he know he can come back, he's the one wielding a significant amount of power. She's ready to be plucked, she's mulled over it for most likely weeks or months, she's still open for reconciliation and all the while he was gone courting someone else so now he's back because he's bored.

The only reason he's back and acting so familiar with her is because he holds all the power right now, he know from her prior attempts of trying to reconcile with him that she's still available so why not pull her strings by reaching out to see if she's still an OPTION, still in "pining" for his love mode, she is and she's still ready to reconcile thus he still holds a significant amount of power over her.

He'll act as if he's interested but then he'll dump her again, mock my words, the only way to get her power back is to either ignore him or dump him first b/c he will dump her again without opportunity to reconcile.

Of course she can talk to him but given that he was so clear on not reconciling with her he'll find another excuse/reason that it won't work out once he realizes he has to follow through so he'll be looking for an out as soon as she responds in a way that says you can still me and IMHO he just want sex, to see if the option is available, he wants nothing.

You can of course attempt to see what he wants but if you truly want the revenge you say you want, then consider not answering him at all to throw cold water on his fat ego or appear interested but dump him first, don't fall for the charm, dump him first, I promise you he'll be fucked up for months LOL. He'll lose a little bit of his edge and then you'll wield a significant amount of p

amount of power, he'll be kissing your ass to get his edge back, oh what fun you'll being the strong warrior Aries woman that you truly are, he took a bit of your edge away for some time but you can always get it back.

Men (some--especially insecure men--player types) love hunting, taking down and capturing strong women, so now it's time to show him the woman he thought you were, begging, pleading for reconciliation doesn't exist, you are more powerful than ever.

Posted by robyn808
Urg??_ how is what tiki said spot on?

My thoughts exactly.

She's not a Taurus.

Posted by robyn808
95% of people don't do shit with the intention of hurting other people. They hurt other people unintentionally with the decisions they make for themselves. It's not about you, it's about them. We all have personal issues and obstacles to face, and some deal with them better then others.

click to expand

She will NEVER know until she meets him and hears what he tells her.

With a Taurus, it's all in the eyes.

If the OP is a careful observer she will be able to tell if he's sincere or disingenuous.

Posted by robyn808


All this can give the impression that may not reflect, the uncertainty that they actual have in the beginning of a relationship. Now I have a lot of Taurus, so I consider the beginning around 8 months to a year. During this period I have not make up my mind about how I feel about this person. Because we are focused on trust, security and the future, we will make sure we are certain before we take too many steps forward. (but then I freak out and run away anyway, cus I have a gem moon.... but that a whole other issue)

BINGO

I know it takes me FOREVER to commit. I am indeed, very slow moving.

In his case, my gut instinct tells me he was keeping his options open....uncertain about a future with her due to the long distance issue...and now he's probably in a stage of nostalgia and regret.

I don't believe that she should run into his arms...but definitely play it safe and observe his movements carefully and ACTIVELY listen to what he has to say.

I had to get some sleep and go to work, but first...thank you all for the feedback.
I like reading different perspectives.

@Robyn808 the reason I felt hurt and ashamed is because I made a colossal misjudgment (in my opinion). In my line of work, I have to be a spot-on judge of character on the fly, and when some untruths came to light about him, it shook me hard. Also, he sent the text, without an apology for the months that passed or for breaking my heart. He knew exactly how I felt, and what I wanted. To be so cold and unyielding is an anathema to me. Whenever I initiate a breakup, I sit and talk with the person. I answer every question they have because I know it's painful and they need a safe space to let those feelings out.

I do understand a Taurus needs a lot of care and attention, so do I, but the courage of my conviction was strong enough to deal until we could find a better solution. However, if I give him an excuse, he'll take it he needs to say what's on his mind. He did email me, point blank and said he didn't feel the same about me any more. No need for interpretation there. Also, if I persisted in pursuing him, I would have lost respect for myself and I'm certain he would have lost respect/been even more annoyed by me.

I've dated a Taurus (April) before, and we eventually broke up but remain wonderful friends, so I at least expected something of the same with this one. Usually, because I'm an Aries, I can shrug things off easily, because I get bored easily - anyway. But I gave this guy the most precious gift I had, my heart! (Sappy, I know) But Robyn808 - Thank you for your response.

Tiki & Taurusbelle - Thank you ladies so much! Your replies made me smile! Instinctively, I know this is a 'temperature' check, because in my heart, I know this is something I'd do myself with someone I was merely toying with. They would have to break my heart to really get me. All's fair in love and war, right? 🙂 But gosh, I feel like i deserve some sort of justice. Regarding keeping options open, well as long as I know...is fair, that way I can keep mine open.

And Taurusbelle - you are SPOT ON with the eyes, the first date we went on, I felt like he was almost hypnotizing me with his eyes! Like he was pulling me in- that's what made me think he was sincere!

& Tiki - If i were still in my game playing stage - I would totally follow your advice, agree to meet, maybe flirt, then when he thinks he's good - drop it all! You're tempting me...

But here's an interesting fact, for a Taurus, he had Aries in Mercury (ouch!), Gemini in Venus , a pisces moon and mars in Capricorn (so he's strategic) I however, am a dreamy Pisces in Mercury, Gemini in Venus, Moon in Aquarius and Mars in Leo.

Oh and the Hoovers link was toooo funny but extremely helpful! Thank you so much. Here it is for those who would like to read it: http://www.shrink4men.com/2012/03/28/hoovers-dont-let-the-crazy-suck-you-back-in/<BR>

Posted by Torro
The OP didn't ask for a Taurus specifically to give advice, but that's not the problem here. The gag is that tiki is not looking at this astrologically, she is looking at this purely psychologically.

...More like assumptions.

I can assume that he was keeping his options open.
I can assume that the long distance was an issue.

But then again, I could be wrong...

Tiki...
On the other hand, just spoke on his behalf as if he somehow whispered it in her ear.
In my opinion...
A psychological evaluation would be an objective evaluation.

Tiki just went in!

Posted by SweetLibra
"With a Taurus, it's all in the eyes."


^^^^ I've seen this written before regarding Taurus men. You guys seem to put a lot of emphasis on the eyes and that it holds the key to figuring a Taurus out. Would anyone care to elaborate on that? Are you meaning that if a Taurus man makes eye contact with you while speaking to you that means he's being sincere? That could be the case with anyone, right? What is so special/different about Taurus eyes? What exactly should we look for and determine from a Taurus' eyes?

When it comes to the matters of the heart, what you see is NOT what you always get with a Taurus.
We're shy, introverted, cautious, slow, and not highly verbal (well at least I'm not).

We can have a million things going on in our world, and you may never know it.

We may love you hard, and still show you indifference.

We may be totally enamored with you and will still assess and carefully observe whether or not you will make us a loyal potential life partner.

But...

If you're in our presence, and you're unsure of how we feel about you, try catching our eyes....especially if we think you're not looking....or paying attention 😛

If you see or sense a feeling of safety in our eyes, then our intentions are genuine.
If you see us catching a glimpse of you, but will quickly look away, then our intentions are genuine.
If you see us observing you like a child excited about a well-lit Christmas tree, then our intentions are genuine.

I dated this guy one time.
I watched him the ENTIRE time he made me breakfast.
How sexy he was.
How kind and empathetic he was.
How intelligent he was.
I remember watching him, totally enamored, feeling like the luckiest woman in the world.

We had so many arguments and disagreements in regards to my horrific communication skills....

He really had NO idea how I felt about him.

Posted by harry99


So yes the eyes is a good way to tell if a Taurus is lying. As it is chances are we won't lie
at all unless it's about us and our need of sex outside of the relationship which I assure you
is something we will usually forewarn you about.

We DO hate liars...don't we?

Since we're getting all random.... 😉

When it comes to lying in my experience, Cappys are pretty good at it. In fact, my brother is a Cap and he used to practice lying and try using different lies on me, because my internal lie detector was so good.
He got so good, that i told him i wasn't going to engage him and play his game anymore.

Virgos lie to protect home and hearth, I notice. They are not about to let an outsider rock their home life.

But when it comes to Scorpios, I don't have a problem with their games. I enjoy it. Who else but a Ram - already used to comfortably perching on precarious spots - can dance with the sting of a Scorpio. Maybe it's the shared pluto, but i like their dark mysteries, and when I have enough, I step back out into the sunshine. They will engage you emotionally, regardless and I like that.

@Robyn808 - With Aqua, remember to respect their personal space and have your own life and own things to talk about. Challenge them intellectually and they will remember and keep you.

Oh and back to May Taurus, when i was completely lovesick over him, I went to a psychic and she told me that in about 9 months he'd contact me again, and then it would be up to me to decide what to do. She said there was someone else in the picture and that he wasn't honest with me. So cut to 9/10 months later and I'm in shock.

Posted by SweetLibra
@TaurusBull1977, you mentioned how you were so taken by a guy that you watched him intently I'm assuming in hopes that he would see what lies behind a Taurus' eyes, but you end that same story with saying he never really knew how much you felt/cared for him. I would think that unless you were dealing with a person who was very intuitive a Taurus would really have major issues to overcome in order for it to work. Maybe that's why I hear so much about Taurus and Pisces couples or Taurus and Scorps. Because if they can't "read" you they are going to have a hard time getting verbal confirmation?

Believe it or not. Water signs experience a lot of difficulties in reading Tauruses as well as the other earth signs (Virgo, Capricorn).

The guy I mentioned earlier was a Cancer.

Tauruses, we give ourselves away in bits and pieces.
Never in a mouthful.
We're introverted.
We move cautiously, never in a rush.
It may take a real long time before we commit to you.
Trust issues.
Very particular about who we open up to or allow in our inner circle.

So, while most Water signs get a nurturing, protective vibe from us, they're rarely aware of how we feel about them.
We say and express almost little to nothing.
So there is nothing to read.
No reassurance being given (as required by most Water signs).

Understanding a Taurus is not being intuitive.
It requires careful observation and active listening and PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE.

Watch the eyes.
The eyes will reveal our REAL intentions.
Unspoken words of a Taurus actually speaks volumes.

Posted by robyn808


So if I'm looking for the truth from another Taurus I will pay close attention to what they say, and what the also do not say. And you can definitely see sincerity in their eyes and overall presents. We are very tuned into our senses, so a lot of our communication is done through them. If you want to know how we feel you can see it in our expressions, hear it from our voice, feel it when we touch you.

BINGO!

If you're not paying attention, you can easily miss it....

Posted by tiki33
mock my words, the only way to get her power back is to either ignore him or dump him first .../c he will dump her again without opportunity to reconcile.
...but if you truly want the revenge you say you want, appear interested but dump him first, don't fall for the charm, dump him first, I promise you he'll be fucked up for months LOL. He'll lose a little bit of his edge and then you'll wield a significant amount of power, he'll be kissing your ass to get his edge back, oh what fun you'll being the strong warrior Aries woman that you truly are, he took a bit of your edge away for some time but you can always get it back.

YES!! YES!! YES!!! THIS is the EXACTLY the type of revenge I was recommending earlier. SUPERB...oh and DON'T forget to toss the cold water!!! 😄

Posted by robyn808
Can a Taurus lie? Sure, they are completely capable of telling some of the biggest lies. But it's not really in their nature.
Taurus like things definite and clear cut, and lie's lead to complications, uncertainty and unpredictable situations.

It's probably, more likely that they lie by omission.

...Scorpios being our opposites, I find it easier to relate to similar traits, although I am still perplexed by their motives. Taurus are private vs Scorpios who are secretive. I think both are far more guilt of withholding information rather than telling a flat out lie. Trust is a high priority for both signs.

But you could say that all bets might be off once you cross a Scorpio. With a Taurus, we get mad, explode, removing the problem and then forget about it, so we can go back to our happy place. And there's no need to lie, cus you ain't getting back into our happy place, you've been removed.

I LOVED THIS!!!! I'm going thru this very ordeal..I'm dealing with a Scorp and I believe he's been omitting some things..NO BUENO..I NEED to be able to trust. Omission definitely qualifies as lying.

..SIGH...

OP....

I hope you were able to get some insight to this Taurus man.....

From different posters (viewers).

I hope everything works out for you 🙂

Posted by TaureanAries
Well after reading the OP I have to send a text message apologising to a Cancer man who was mad about me....it was a long distance thing. While it was all fun and I would fly to visit him for weekends...the distance was a factor and to be honest I couldn't even consider making a go of it with him because of it. I like my man to be here with his arms around me...text messages are not cudddles!

I was honest with him at least when we first got together...told him because of the distance I couldn't guarantee anything. He said he was ok but struggled with that. Then he would get paranoid whenever I didn't text him back right away thinking I was with another guy...to the point of obsession.

I went silent on him. Wouldn't answer his texts or calls. He sent me an "I love you" and I didn't respond. I don't do it to be cruel. I do it to cool off emotionally and let it go cold so I can think logically. While someone's tugging my emotional strings I can't think clearly.

I am PRESENTLY doing this. Its VITAL for survival!!

Posted by scorchedearth
taurusbull, you're making me very jelly of your stereotypically taurean traits. i have too much aries in my chart to be that way. 😢

Sorry.

I can only speak for myself = Taurus
My brother = Taurus
My friends = Taurus

Our personality traits are very synonymous.

I have a Venus in Aries.

Only one fire sign in my natal chart.

@scorchedearth

I should be jelly instead....

With all the fire in your chart, you're probably way more interesting, daring and much more of a risk taker than I am....

Traits I wish I possessed.

Still working on communicating better...😢