My Taurus BF is addicted to attention from his ex

I(12/31/1978) have been struggling with my BF(5/5/1986)who has this need for emotional and physical attention that his ex GFs give him. There have been a few in the past but it did not get this bad as it is with this particular ex ( they met recently on a social network after 15 yrs) that happened to be his first GF (virgo) from his school days. At first I felt the answer is simple...if I cant have him stop being so needy then its time for me to walk away but when I confronted him with it, he asked me to give him a second chance. What he says is confusing...he says he is in love with me ONLY but he enjoys knowing he is still missed by his ex GF and it gives him emotional boost and physical satisfaction flirting with her.

When I told him he needs to stop, he promised he will and he did but this ex GF of his keeps sending him messages and pics and will try talking to him even when my BF does not reply. I told my BF that if he is still keeping her around on his phone and just not talking to her, it wont be long before he will start talking to her again. To this my BF said if he ever does that he will not stop me from leaving him. That leaves me in a big uncertainty. I have been with my BF for over 4yrs and my daughter loves him like a father. This is getting extremely hard. PLz Help with whatever you feel about this situation.

I do not have anyone to speak with and everyone that knows us as a couple thinks we are made for each other and I don't want to go out talking about how I feel my BF is on a wrong path. I am just wanting this out of my chest and hear what some of ur opinions are.

Thanks!

He's full of shit.

Right? I would have walked out that door had he essentially told me he was using another female for an ego boost while he used me for the serious side of things. He doesn't need to stray elsewhere to get some ridiculous emotional needs met. He sounds like he's being selfish.

And really? The reasons he gave for doing it, but he LOVES you?

A ton of shit. You have every right to want to end it because of this crap. He's disrespecting your relationship as is she. It's only a matter of time before "but honey, her riding my dick makes my ego feel better! It's nothing!!"

Guys and their egos... Pfft.

I'm amazed he thinks his reasoning is perfectly okay when it sounds absolutely insane.

Also want to note the age gap- You've been with him since he was a baby at, what 24? From 24 til 28 he's been with a woman who was in her 30s with a kid. He's emotionally been tied down to that since before his brain was fully mature to handle such things. The fact he's pulling this emotional cheating isn't surprising. You really do need to evaluate and talk to him again about where he really stands. It sounds like he's just gonna jerk you around more, like he already has.

Posted by cancergoddess143

Posted by Impulsv
The thing is if I would have accepted his offer to casual sex he would have been cheating on this gf with no problem. He lied to me about having a gf but I noticed her shampoo facial cleaned and all. Yeah like he said u catch him he deserves being left.
Yes they need the extra boost.

Let's understand the fact that MEN and WOMEN cheat! This is HUMAN NATURE and has or will happen at one point in time in our lives (either by our doing or to us). But would the Taurus man you were "casually" having sex with leave his girlfriend for you?? HELL NO! Taurus men are known for their ego boosts but they would NEVER LEAVE their girlfriend for a side piece who they clearly do not care about at all. To a Taurus, side hoe's come a dime a dozen, but a woman they deem so special enough to fall in love with and call them their woman, is priceless.

click to expand

You're a fucking idiot. Why are you allowed to even post here? You're condoning unacceptable behavior from someone in a relationship. What the hell?

She's unhappy with his shit. It needs to be addressed. He wants to continue to fuck around even though she's not happy with it. That's sheer disrespect for her feelings and he prioritizing his pathetic ego. Does not make for a good relationship.

Yet here your dipshit ass is, telling her to just deal with it. That it's okay because cheating is normal and he won't really leave her.

Given your history here, I don't think you have any room to be giving advice. Have you considered the sterilization procedure I suggested? I'd be horrified if you reproduced, considering you're a bullshit enabler and are encouraging women to stick around in shitty situations and just leave things be. If that's how YOU want to handle your shit, fine. But you shouldn't dare tell someone else to deal with some lame crap like he's handed her just because you like to play beaten wife.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Go let your boyfriend lick your face again or some stupid shit, and let the adults handle this.

Posted by Impulsv
No venus Aries
But as tiz said it has to do with maturity n realizing that u won't need external attention to feed the insecurities. Until he's there I dunno if u want to deal with this as op said it's has happened twice before.

+1

It doesn't look promising that he keeps allowing this to happen despite what flowery words he feeds her. He sounds very immature and selfish.

When a guy feeds me a line of bs like he did, I just write them off as immature and having NO idea what they want. Ain't nobody got time for that, especially if there's a kid involved.

How did the relationship end with him and his ex? And how long was it?

I know no one really cares to have sympathy for a man who says speaking with someone was an "ego boost", although every human being on the planet has probably done this before and he's just being honest. Sometimes, negative experiences in our past, bring out the worst in us. I have Venus in Gemini and I feel like this placement wasn't even active when I was married at first. I was totally committed in every way. After my divorce, I started going out again, and couldn't get into enough entanglements with women; it became addictive. My ego was crushed, and I had repressed a lot of the pain, now trying to numb it with constant affirmation from other women. Your situation is really serious, with the potential for your child to get hurt, and I would emphasize that to him. Make him choose, and make a conclusive decision. I'd ask that he block her number, or simply explain to her that he can't communicate with her anymore.

Wow! Thanks for the response..

The "full of butter" part... I would like to address that. He did not give his reasoning as an excuse to continue doing what he knows is wrong. He said he realized that seeking attention for his insecurity in himself is a problem and not an excuse for which he would like to go for counselling if he could afford to. He is looking into it with me but we live in a small town and his insurance does not cover much of his counselling expense.

"First sign if trouble in marriage or relationship guess who he'll run to for ego boost."...this somewhere is my fear. I guess my trust is broken so I do feel uncertain and insecure.. I happen to be a very loyal person. To me my BF is the one and only man for now and until I am with him. I love him dearly and he also seems to love me a lot.

When I looked into his phone with him (not behind his back) I noticed he was addressing his ex with same name as he does me with love. He was sending her the same pics of his that he has sent me in the past. Point is, I want to be the one to boost his ego and love him all at the same time. Sharing is not okay by me. So I wanted to leave but he promised I wouldn't be disappointed about this event ever again. If this is his addiction and the ex is on his phone constantly sending him messages I wonder how long will it be before he starts talking to her again...there is a turmoil inside me and I am not sure if I am over obsessive or over reacting about this.

It is true I am older than him. 8 yrs older. We talk about everything under the sun and I have brought up this topic several times with him and asked him if this is the best choice and he always said it doesn't bother him one bit. So I left it at that.

I agree due to dating me at 30s and with my daughter he has had to catch up and grow up faster. He attended the counselling meeting with my counselor and also attends each meeting with my child's counselor to understand both of us better. (My Ex was a horrible abuser and is clinically termed "physcotic"). My BF fought against his parents will to be with me to the point that his dad does not even talk to him any more. The only person that he gets to talk with is his mom. He is invested in this relationship with me financially, emotionally and physically.. I had a very Very rough ride to go thru after my divorce from my previous marriage and he has stuck with me at days when I questioned him why would he ever want to be with me and my miseries.

Posted by TaurusLovesScorpio
How did the relationship end with him and his ex? And how long was it?

I know no one really cares to have sympathy for a man who says speaking with someone was an "ego boost", although every human being on the planet has probably done this before and he's just being honest. Sometimes, negative experiences in our past, bring out the worst in us. I have Venus in Gemini and I feel like this placement wasn't even active when I was married at first. I was totally committed in every way. After my divorce, I started going out again, and couldn't get into enough entanglements with women; it became addictive. My ego was crushed, and I had repressed a lot of the pain, now trying to numb it with constant affirmation from other women. Your situation is really serious, with the potential for your child to get hurt, and I would emphasize that to him. Make him choose, and make a conclusive decision. I'd ask that he block her number, or simply explain to her that he can't communicate with her anymore.

+1

Great Advice from a Taurus man 🙂

Wow! Thanks for the response..

The "full of butter" part... I would like to address that. He did not give his reasoning as an excuse to continue doing what he knows is wrong. He said he realized that seeking attention for his insecurity in himself is a problem and not an excuse for which he would like to go for counselling if he could afford to. He is looking into it with me but we live in a small town and his insurance does not cover much of his counselling expense.

"First sign if trouble in marriage or relationship guess who he'll run to for ego boost."...this somewhere is my fear. I guess my trust is broken so I do feel uncertain and insecure.. I happen to be a very loyal person. To me my BF is the one and only man for now and until I am with him. I love him dearly and he also seems to love me a lot.

When I looked into his phone with him (not behind his back) I noticed he was addressing his ex with same name as he does me with love. He was sending her the same pics of his that he has sent me in the past. Point is, I want to be the one to boost his ego and love him all at the same time. Sharing is not okay by me. So I wanted to leave but he promised I wouldn't be disappointed about this event ever again. If this is his addiction and the ex is on his phone constantly sending him messages I wonder how long will it be before he starts talking to her again...there is a turmoil inside me and I am not sure if I am over obsessive or over reacting about this.

It is true I am older than him. 8 yrs older. We talk about everything under the sun and I have brought up this topic several times with him and asked him if this is the best choice and he always said it doesn't bother him one bit. So I left it at that.

I agree due to dating me at 30s and with my daughter he has had to catch up and grow up faster. He attended the counselling meeting with my counselor and also attends each meeting with my child's counselor to understand both of us better. (My Ex was a horrible abuser and is clinically termed "physcotic"). My BF fought against his parents will to be with me to the point that his dad does not even talk to him any more. The only person that he gets to talk with is his mom. He is invested in this relationship with me financially, emotionally and physically.. I had a very Very rough ride to go thru after my divorce from my previous marriage and he has stuck with me at days when I questioned him why would he ever want to be with me and my miseries.

I have read that about Venus in Gemini 😢 but I am also not too good with astrology so I wanted more opinions. Thanks!

"One of the biggest weaknesses of the male ego is not realizing there is more to life than idle attention. Unfortunately it is very unlikely he will see this with you and her hanging around in his life."...
I wonder about that...😢 He is not interested in his ex. He is only misleading her by flirting with her and she seems to be very needy too. I don't know whats up with her. I am not judging her because I don't know her at all. He might make me want to walk away and then what will he have?

I feel my daughter is the one that was the most innocent and till this day hurts from my divorce more than I do cuz she still has to deal with her dad. now she is so use to my BF and loves him too and if I walk away she will have another heart break all after it was none of her doings...Im so confused!

Posted by Iya

I guess my trust is broken so I do feel uncertain and insecure.. I happen to be a very loyal person. To me my BF is the one and only man for now and until I am with him. I love him dearly and he also seems to love me a lot.

He honestly sounds like a very decent guy, with flaws like everyone else. At least he came clean and is seemingly willing to change, and he does sound very invested in your family. I think a lot of people would've tried to lie their way out of it, not allowed you access to their phone, etc. That said, you deserve better, and he really has to show you that he can become that - earn your trust back. I think you should insist that he's deliberate and follows through with the counseling at some point. And there should be some measure taken on his part to block this girl so you can have some peace of mind.

RockyRoadIceCream is talking sense. Total sense. Please adhere to their words.

TLS is also talking sense, in this thread and many others I've read. Always good advice and words!

TaurusLovesScorpio - I wanted him to do that. I felt if he really wanted to end this practice of satisfying his self ego, he would have blocked his ex by now. But he didn't.

After he promised he would never flirt with his ex or anyone again he called his ex and told her they could not carry on like that any longer.

A few days after that call he said he still talked to her but no flirting. I said if you are addicted to this thing you need to keep away and stop talking too. And so he did. But he told me she still sends him pics and still talks about how much she loves him and misses him and sends pics as well of her. He does not reply to it anymore. Or shall I say so far he has not.

I plan on telling him to block her but I feel if he wants to get rid of his bad habit why wont he do so without me telling about it to him. What if she calls one day? Would I have to tell him not to answer her calls? I just feel like I am dictating instead of my BF acting upon his promise and making the effort himself.

TLS is also talking sense, in this thread and many others I've read. Always good advice and words!

Posted by Impulsv
I think the fact he owned up to it is good. N money towards counseling is a good investment for him n ur marriage. Make it a priority🙂

+1

Well...Thank you for all ur opinions and suggestions. It took me 5 years or time to separate from my crazy ex husband becuz I tend to get really invested and almost live in denial when I love somebody.

My dad was a guy that had the other woman in his life and my mom fought tooth and nail to get him rid of her and as a child watched that drama for yrs.

Both above mentioned incidents have left me with the desire to not fight for a man anymore but win him bcuz I am worth it. I would rather be alone than Lonely!

I wanted to know if my BF is worth my time and emotions or am I in too much fear of living in denial becuz I love him so much.

I guess ...I will tell him to block her and see where this goes. And yes, he is going to counselling for sure..its just taking time to figure out how..

Posted by Iya


I feel my daughter is the one that was the most innocent and till this day hurts from my divorce more than I do cuz she still has to deal with her dad. now she is so use to my BF and loves him too and if I walk away she will have another heart break all after it was none of her doings...Im so confused!

I had the same situation with my daughter. That was my fear, that if I got into another volatile relationship, it would end, and she'd have a fear of abandonment further imposed upon her psyche. I think you should be very clear to your Taurus that that is part of what's at stake here.

On Venus in Gem. He needs lots of mental stimulation, but there are plenty of ways to get that, without getting into trouble. One way is for you to go out with other couples, and socialize more often, *as* a couple. Not everything is bad about this placement. On one hand, what he's doing is a kind of cheating, and he gets more from that kind of interaction specifically than someone without V in Gem. On the other hand the "cheater" charge so often said about ViG is IMO not about the physical - this is a very *mental* placement, and that's often easier to deal with. Like any placement, there can be a healthy expression, unless the need to communicate/be stimulated, is repressed and kept in the dark. All social interaction involves an element of ego and acceptance. The avenue he's choosing is inappropriate though, and sometimes people need to see the consequences of the darker side of themselves, in order to steer clear of them.

Posted by Iya
Well...Thank you for all ur opinions and suggestions. It took me 5 years or time to separate from my crazy ex husband becuz I tend to get really invested and almost live in denial when I love somebody.

My dad was a guy that had the other woman in his life and my mom fought tooth and nail to get him rid of her and as a child watched that drama for yrs.

Both above mentioned incidents have left me with the desire to not fight for a man anymore but win him bcuz I am worth it. I would rather be alone than Lonely!

I wanted to know if my BF is worth my time and emotions or am I in too much fear of living in denial becuz I love him so much.

I guess ...I will tell him to block her and see where this goes. And yes, he is going to counselling for sure..its just taking time to figure out how..

I wish you two the very best 🙂

Posted by Iya
TaurusLovesScorpio - I wanted him to do that. I felt if he really wanted to end this practice of satisfying his self ego, he would have blocked his ex by now. But he didn't.

After he promised he would never flirt with his ex or anyone again he called his ex and told her they could not carry on like that any longer.

A few days after that call he said he still talked to her but no flirting. I said if you are addicted to this thing you need to keep away and stop talking too. And so he did. But he told me she still sends him pics and still talks about how much she loves him and misses him and sends pics as well of her. He does not reply to it anymore. Or shall I say so far he has not.

I plan on telling him to block her but I feel if he wants to get rid of his bad habit why wont he do so without me telling about it to him.

Its weird. I see too much tolerance with a lot of Caps, except for my Cap sis-in-law who has Leo Moon and doesn't take anything from anyone. I think you need to definitely put your foot down. Me personally, I would tell the person they can block them and cut them out of their life completely, or we are done. There really is no reason at all for him to be talking to an ex, ever. I feel there's a place for jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship, and this is it. Maybe he thinks he can get away with this because you've been so tolerant in the past, etc. Definitely time to show him you aren't having it. If he is legit addicted, you have to set firm boundaries for what you will/won't accept, so you don't wind up enabling him.

yes he was 13-14ish in school with his ex when they were dating and doing the silly thing that kids do at that age.

My BF says one day she threw a letter at him wrapped on a rock, while riding the school bus, that said she was not his girlfriend anymore. My BF was flirting at that time and enjoying her physically so it didn't hurt him very deeply to let her go but he did wonder why she did that.

Since then he has had several GFs and he had totally forgotten about his first GF but after 15 yrs when they met in a gruop chat with old classmates and she made him feel that she still has those feeling for him, my BF was very happy. He wrote me that day from work in text message that he cant help but get turned on knowing that his first ex GF still has those feelings for him. I didnt think much about about it at that time. He came home and said, he was feeling wrong about this. he said he was so turned on and he was questioning why? He was starting to wonder if this was suppose to mean that he is not that committed to me or what?

I told him it was perhaps just that feeling to still have that in you to have ppl wanting you after yrs of separation. Perhaps deep down we would all like that feeling? but I respected the fact that he was being honest.

Later he added her separately on his phone and she would tell him to keep things between him and her a secret and not let other classmates know how she feels about him. Then on I have not felt comfortable about this lady .

Thank you! cancergoddess143

TaurusLovesScorpio - I really like ur advice. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I really needed to let this off my chest and seek some opinions.

I will write u all back about how this goes...I am though very uncomfortable asking my BF to block this lady. I usually never tell anyone how to treat me or to take a drastic step for me. I always feel I don't have to ask a person to treat me nice. They just have to be nice enough to treat me well or they r not worth my time. I am making exceptions for my BF.. I hope I am doing the right thing here

Posted by Iya
He wrote me that day from work in text message that he cant help but get turned on knowing that his first ex GF still has those feelings for him. I didnt think much about about it at that time. He came home and said, he was feeling wrong about this. he said he was so turned on and he was questioning why? He was starting to wonder if this was suppose to mean that he is not that committed to me or what?.

This is tough.

On one level, I can actually respect the level of honest, and the inner conflict he's having (its a fairly normal human experience if you ask me). And I see it as a sign of maturity on your part that you can deal with this. This is how things are in some of the Cap marriages I know. I have a Pisces friend who admitted to his Cap wife, that he had a very serious emotional connection with a girl at work, and they worked through it, she was very patient, understanding, and they worked together to get him in a situation where it ended. My Sag is so jealous, she would probably light me on fire in my sleep if I confessed something like that.

On another level, part of me wishes you would've wrapped a breakup note around a rock and threw it at him when he told you that.

Anyway, good luck with this.

This taurus shit is real life. Ive seen it with quite a few. They will stay married and love their wives with all their heart, and a lil nookie on the side doesnt change how they feel about the wife. They dont want to leave home base. never will leave. nope. that'll take an act of God. But a lil nookie and attention on the side spices things up for them. its been already rationalized in their mind. here's the kicker, most of the wives are okay with it.

Posted by DMV
This taurus shit is real life. Ive seen it with quite a few. They will stay married and love their wives with all their heart, and a lil nookie on the side doesnt change how they feel about the wife. They dont want to leave home base. never will leave. nope. that'll take an act of God. But a lil nookie and attention on the side spices things up for them. its been already rationalized in their mind. here's the kicker, most of the wives are okay with it.

I agree 100%

I think Cap women can handle things as long as a person is honest, because we understand faults, flaws, and just being human.

However, him repeatedly saying he was turned on and then wondering if it means something, is kind of giving hint that it's maybe not so innocent. At this point, it's as if he's wanting you to feel, think, wonder, and worry about his actions. I wonder why. You didn't think much about it the first time, so he turned it up a notch...not good.

If it gets too bad or continues, then for your sanity you should probably take a break.

tizani made a good point about not basing your decisions on fear.

I deal with a Taurus who has a Gemini venus. As a Cap, he pushes for confidence. I'm not in a good place now, have not been in a minute, and he will not put up with my emotional dependence on him.

It seems you've been dependent on your Taurus. Like he stepped in after your divorce, and was there for you and your daughter to lean on. It's as if now you don't want you or your daughter to lose that, which is fear and dependence.

It seems he may like and actually want to feel wanted and not needed. Idk.

I am a Taurus sun with venus in Gemini so I hope that I can shread some lights from my own experiences only.. I feel like having these placements I have a * need * to feed both world. Deep emotional connection, physical connection and mental stimulation. I have been guilty of ruining the last 2 serious relationships in the past when we were not officially going out to stray for a moment.. I am not proud of my action and paid the prize of both relationships for years after that. I have managed to gain their trust back and remained 100% loyal to them and one (Virgo) wanted to marry me after that even if I betrayed him the first time. my point is, as a VIG myself I know how I can live in the moment . I get excited and stimulated by harmless flirting and dirty conversations. It has nothing to do with my love and my loyalty for my current parter either. one way to satisfy my needs and stop me from even straying is from mental stimulation. My ex venus in libra fed that part of me very well. My current interest has venus in Scorpio keeps me so hooked even when we are not exclusive at the moment . It's his mystery that keeps me coming back for more but the communication drives me insane.. but yet I am 100% focused on him because I can't 100% work him out.. my suggestion is to find a way to fulfilling those urges he may be unconsciously needing for e.g. Random surprises, be extremely spontaneous.. I love Capricorn and their patient and strong survival instint but they don't satisfy my venus.. unless there are air or fire placements somewhere. they are too predictable and yes Taurus need predictable things but venus doesn't.. It loses interestes very very very quickly or stray for a moment if mentally or sexually I am not fullfilled. Travelling to new places and trying new restaurants keep my hooked. Doing adventurous things ** unplanned ** also very very exciting for me and make me fall back in love again .. My moon in aqua also thrive for new things.. So I'm double the air... Saying all these, Taurus nature will find their Way back to their real lover any day... It's the ** living in the moment *** that stuff me up every time.. I hate myself for it majority of the time but I admire my witty and crazy conversations n relationships I make with people. People say I am a real flirt and I don't even realise it most of the time. My point is, there's a reason why he's addicted to those conversations with her. She's feeding him intellectually . That is all. To him she'

Cont ??** To him she's just * for fun * would he cheat? Probably not.. If he was to cheat he would have done so behind your back a long time ago. My advise, as a VIG.. Don't show him that him needing the need to boost his ego from another woman effects you. He wil be drawn back to you instantly coz he can't work out why it doesn't affect you.. * mystery *. Just be simple.. * I understand your needs for ego boost but I'm not going to waste my time worrying about her coz I don't have time for that so if you want to be with her let me know and I will set you free ** be calm and rational about it.. He knows what he's doing is wrong he just doesn't understand his venus that's all ... I hate my placement and trying my best to control but don't worry I am loyal as hell when fully committed. Mentally I might stray for 20 mins max.. It's a bad habit .. Good luck ! Ps: he sounds like an amazing man . Don't let his venus rule that's all . Feed it without him knowing how you do it. Be adventurous n communicate with him . Don't forget to have fun.

Posted by DMV
This taurus shit is real life. Ive seen it with quite a few. They will stay married and love their wives with all their heart, and a lil nookie on the side doesnt change how they feel about the wife. They dont want to leave home base. never will leave. nope. that'll take an act of God. But a lil nookie and attention on the side spices things up for them. its been already rationalized in their mind. here's the kicker, most of the wives are okay with it.

Everybody has a story. I know 2 male Sags that plant more seed than Monsanto. One is a good friend of mine from childhood and has 8 kids by 6 different women altogether at the age of 39. He is married to a Cap and cheated on her the first week of marriage. He texts me pictures of the 20-something women he cheats with, in their underwear, and then tells me I'm judgmental when I call him out for being a pig, taking his awesome wife for granted, and putting his daughter's well-being at risk. The other has 5 kids (just found out about the 5th), all by different women, and he's young so he's just getting started. He was married to my ex-wife until she caught him cheating (while pregnant with his child). He then moved in with that girl he cheated with, and impregnated her.

This really isn't a Taurus thing to cheat. Its a human thing, and I think its a lot more common now. But Taurus, being the most loyal sign, definitely has a different way of going about it, when they do it.

yeah you all go blame the starsign lol. Bulls are loyal. But this is not about a sign, it's about a man who lacks confidenxe in himself and depends on another person to boost his ego. Sounds to me like he's got serious insecurities and they just showed now? love is blind, cant blame you cause I've been there.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by cancergoddess143

Posted by DMV
This taurus shit is real life. Ive seen it with quite a few. They will stay married and love their wives with all their heart, and a lil nookie on the side doesnt change how they feel about the wife. They dont want to leave home base. never will leave. nope. that'll take an act of God. But a lil nookie and attention on the side spices things up for them. its been already rationalized in their mind. here's the kicker, most of the wives are okay with it.

I agree 100%

So maybe the pick sags because they know they'll be ok with it.
Head in sand.

click to expand

dont be like that Impulsive 😛

Having ViG, ways that I feel fulfilled in a relationship:

-being with a partner who likes to learn new things - if we're going to watch TV often, then I like to watch stuff (not strictly) that's educational, intriguing, mysterious - documentaries on strange subjects that aren't fully understood, etc. Maybe read the same book and discuss....Constant learning = constant stimulation. This is what I love about my Sag. If I'm getting into a new subject, she dives right in with me. Lately I'm reading a lot about Freud, Jung, and the subconscious. She's down to discuss with me, listen to my longwinded rants regurgitating what I'm learing, watch documentaries on the subject, etc.

-being social as a couple. We've got a ton of other couples we hang with. Going out with them, conversing on a deep level, drinking/laughing, playing games/competing....My ViG is thoroughly satisfied when we do this. If you guys start trending more towards insulating, staying in all the time, that aspect of him will feel suffocated.

-being with a partner who encourages me to be creative, and has their own interests/passions. My Sag is cool with me taking off and doing my own thing for a bit - whether writing, reading, making music, drawing, etc. I go through phases with these things, constantly getting bored, and switching from one to the next. She is really cool with giving my freedom to explore here, and not clingy at all in that regard. She has her own interests.

-being with someone who allows time to hang with guy friends. Sometimes I will just leave my house at 9, go to a male friends house (usually a Libra, lol), and talk for like 5 hours. She gives me no crap about this at all, as she realizes I need that time to communicate. I also will get involved with creative projects with guy friends, or pick up a new hobby...Totally supportive, no issues.

All of that is a positive way to channel the need for new experience, communication, creativity, learning, and charm/wit/humor, that comes with this placement.

This word "ego" is used loosely and almost always in a negative way, but really on any definition, I think its safe to say everyone has relationships, activities, and possessions that boost their ego. Those that deny this, are just lacking in the area of self-reflection.

Posted by Impulsv

Damn charts!!!
Tls ur right it's about channelling the ego elsewhere. example If ur bored bring excitement into your life other ways,working out , travel , jumping off planeslol

Hence why I Chanel my venus with my intense hobby in Latin dancing 🙂 I get to talk, socialise, communicate dance and leave it as that 🙂

Posted by TaurusLovesScorpio
Having ViG, ways that I feel fulfilled in a relationship:

-being with a partner who likes to learn new things - if we're going to watch TV often, then I like to watch stuff (not strictly) that's educational, intriguing, mysterious - documentaries on strange subjects that aren't fully understood, etc. Maybe read the same book and discuss....Constant learning = constant stimulation. This is what I love about my Sag. If I'm getting into a new subject, she dives right in with me. Lately I'm reading a lot about Freud, Jung, and the subconscious. She's down to discuss with me, listen to my longwinded rants regurgitating what I'm learing, watch documentaries on the subject, etc.

-being social as a couple. We've got a ton of other couples we hang with. Going out with them, conversing on a deep level, drinking/laughing, playing games/competing....My ViG is thoroughly satisfied when we do this. If you guys start trending more towards insulating, staying in all the time, that aspect of him will feel suffocated.

-being with a partner who encourages me to be creative, and has their own interests/passions. My Sag is cool with me taking off and doing my own thing for a bit - whether writing, reading, making music, drawing, etc. I go through phases with these things, constantly getting bored, and switching from one to the next. She is really cool with giving my freedom to explore here, and not clingy at all in that regard. She has her own interests.

-being with someone who allows time to hang with guy friends. Sometimes I will just leave my house at 9, go to a male friends house (usually a Libra, lol), and talk for like 5 hours. She gives me no crap about this at all, as she realizes I need that time to communicate. I also will get involved with creative projects with guy friends, or pick up a new hobby...Totally supportive, no issues.

All of that is a positive way to channel the need for new experience, communication, creativity, learning, and charm/wit/humor, that comes with this placement.

Wow you sound like me to a tea. My current interest is a sag too with venus in Scorpio though. I enjoy doing the exact points you state above. I think it is right that I am best suited with an air or fire sign in that aspects. I feel unfulfilled when doing the same thing and hence why I ended things with a Virgo. He never travels anywhere else

Posted by Impulsv
I just went Salsa dancing this past weekend after 21 years of not dancing. Forgot how fun n how sexy the dance is.
Now I have to take lessons to remember.

Beautiful ! I can't live without dancing. It is sexy indeed.. Poor venus in Scorpio man has to watch me do that with different guys every single time while he sings :p I wish I cud live in Miami.

Iya,

Well, that hurts. If you can avoid too much emotional attachment while trying to control your man

could be a good thing.

1. Don't tell him to stop contacting his ex... I did this to my ex before when I found out he was
still texting some of his exes. I send some msg to his ex.. and that ex ask him if he sent msg
that day.. so I saw his reply.. no, not me. lmao. He knew then it was me. I did not tell him
anything. He was nervous and even threw garbage in the middle of the night. I Promise you he
was afraid of me... don't talk. Just do action and drama free. lol

2. Your daughter will understand. Just don't let her see you angry and have arguments with him.

your daughter is innocent unless you talked averything what's happening.

3. Save the relationship. Do not control your man, the more you do, the more you get frustrated.

Posted by Iya

A few days after that call he said he still talked to her but no flirting. I said if you are addicted to this thing you need to keep away and stop talking too. And so he did. But he told me she still sends him pics and still talks about how much she loves him and misses him and sends pics as well of her. He does not reply to it anymore. Or shall I say so far he has not.

I plan on telling him to block her but I feel if he wants to get rid of his bad habit why wont he do so without me telling about it to him. What if she calls one day? Would I have to tell him not to answer her calls? I just feel like I am dictating instead of my BF acting upon his promise and making the effort himself.

He's already being flimsy with the words he says. You say, "hey this shit isn't cool. Knock it off please."

Him- "Okay, I won't talk to her again." *proceeds to call her*

They both disrespect your wishes.

And what the hell is wrong with them that they're considering this "long lost" love crap? Who cares about relationships from 13 years old? Sounds like they're using eachother to escape big, bad, mean reality by reliving some crap that happened in middle school. It's just weird, chica. You need to realize that. It's not right that you're miserable while he gets the best of both worlds- his words placate the situation AND he gets to continue to do what makes his dick tingle, which sorry to be so blunt, but that is what all this truly is about. Your fear here is misdirecting your happiness and you need to face that head on if you truly want to correct this situation.

I'm not saying leave him, but you seriously have to put your foot down. He's doing the "little boy who pushes his limits with mommy" move. He'll say a lot of shit, but do differently. I'm not caring for his lack of actions that follow his verbal intent. Sorry you've had such a shitty past with men, but here you are, allowing another potential shitty situation for you and your daugther to happen due to fear of losing a man in your life. If he loved you so much, he wouldn't be pulling any of this shit and his efforts would be a lot more solid than some flimsy words.

And stop referring to this bitch as a "lady." A true lady doesn't infringe on someone else's relationship by making relationship type expectations on a taken man.

Posted by aurora

the age gap isn't an issue when 2 people fall in love, of course they can, and they can build a solid relationship, but, he spent his 24-28 with you when most of the guys are playing, dating... in times like this it is better for a man, and if you ask me for a woman too, to fool around, meet many people before they settle with someone. because it hits you at some point. the fact that he choose her probably has to do that she is easily willing to play this flirt game. it could be anyone really.

Which is why I brought up the age gap. When they got together, she was at a phase in her life that requires stability and settling down due to more grown up responsibilities.

He was at the phase where guys are normally screwing around, sowing their oats, figuring shit out. Instead, he spent that time being her therapist and getting into a serious relationship with some baggage that most guys his age wouldn't be dealing with.

So he's spent his screw around "prime" tied down to this situation (not bad, btw). It's not surprising he's pulling this shit with some disrespectful ho that fell in love with him when she barely started her period. All that fun bs that he didn't get to do then, he's doing now, which was my main point in the age gap. People can spew the typical shit about age just being a number, but it does matter, sorry. When you have someone in the more adult phase of their life, you can't realistically expect someone who's not psychologically mature enough to jump into the same situation and not have problems like this arise.

Sure, there are people who SEEM mature in their early to mid 20s, but when it comes to being emotionally mature, almost all fall short. Emotional maturity comes with experience and age, and you can't expect that from someone who hasn't lived long enough to gain that emotional experience.

This popped up in my Facebook feed and it totally reminded me of this thread.

Fricken Facebook

Lot of people seem emotionaly mature whatever age they are. I have a freind of 30, she is still screwd up emotionaly cause she is "stuck" in a relationship that lasts for now 13 years. She sais she loves him, but to everyone it is obvious she simply haven't experienced anythig else and it is obviously pulling her attention and makeing her restless. Basically similar situation as this one.

This is a sign of insecure person, that hasn't experienced enough to know what the hell he wants.

The other story from my town, a guy of 25 and woman of 34/5. She has two daughters. They are in a relationship for 3 years, two month ago they got married and now she is prenant. Works just fine.

Nobody should assume SIMPLY based on age, some people experienced much more in 15 years then other person in 30. Some people never allow themself to fall, make a mistake, learn, see the consequences, cry, get torn apart, then reborn in new experience and "grow mature".

Mature person will not do what your guy does regardless of the sign! I truly believe that. I personaly would not take it, no matter my emotions towards him, I would not allow him to screw around with me like that. I would get sick of them both.

If you know a man is taken don't talk to him, text him or touch him. That's a bit far-fetched. Taken or not, people tend to have friends and shit. And romantic interest is not the only type of interest there is.

I honestly don't think that the person flirting with a taken man or woman is ever the problem. The world is not ideal, sooner or later someone who's not your partner will want to get you into sack. Perhaps they don't know you're taken, or they know and they don't care. Either way, you make the choice to either go with it, or to refuse them. Not them.

I wouldn't even mind, considering I trust my partner, and I wouldn't be with him if I didn't. I see other people trying to flirt with him (not in my presence that is) as a compliment. I chose an attractive/charming one. Go me.

Posted by aurora
i just have to say that i don't think a child is a baggage. it's completely legit if someone is not ready to commit to a woman with children, no hard feelings, but it's not a baggage in essence.

also i don't think this relationship is a mistake, but she should have been aware that this day would probably come. and then she was suppose to be more cautions, and aware that she is gambling. with all this in mind, maybe they wouldn't even come to this point, when he is completely in their lives and her kid is attached to him.

i'm afraid that this story is not gonna end the way she hopes. ok, he could block her, and have peace for some time, but his needs are out there now, so it is probably matter of time when he'll meet someone else and play this game all over again.

Of course a kid isn't baggage. We don't see it like that, but some guys do. I'm explaining it how a guy in his 20s could view this, as I've heard waaay too often what guys think of single moms. For her to expect a 24 year old to settle down like he has, without issue, is pretty unrealistic. As you said, it was just a matter of time that this would happen. His behavior is still fucked up, but it makes sense given all the info provided.

I agree, I don't think this is going to pan out like she wants it to. He hasn't been very respectful toward her at all.

And hello? "I use other women to feed my ego while in a relationship" isn't just a red flag, it's on fucking fire. It sounds like dude should have spent his 20s fucking around since he's still immature as eff.

I also wonder why the OP went from crazy ex husband to a relationship with a boy 9 years younger than her. No offense, OP, but if you were so concerned about your child's wellbeing, you wouldn't have started dating so soon after a trainwreck like that. You also made it sound as if you two were eachother's therapist and that was the foundation of your relationship- also not exactly the best way to start off.

Posted by Theatrum
If you know a man is taken don't talk to him, text him or touch him. That's a bit far-fetched. Taken or not, people tend to have friends and shit. And romantic interest is not the only type of interest there is.

I honestly don't think that the person flirting with a taken man or woman is ever the problem. The world is not ideal, sooner or later someone who's not your partner will want to get you into sack. Perhaps they don't know you're taken, or they know and they don't care. Either way, you make the choice to either go with it, or to refuse them. Not them.

I wouldn't even mind, considering I trust my partner, and I wouldn't be with him if I didn't. I see other people trying to flirt with him (not in my presence that is) as a compliment. I chose an attractive/charming one. Go me.

OH SO SRS.

Posted by aurora
yeah you are right, but most of the guys are not experienced at that age. so it is kinda correlated. you need time for experience.

and most girls, yes I agree with you. You do need time, but also will and guts.

Nevermind of age, if my guy would text around with another femal, regardless of his reasons, if it is obviously disrespectful towars me, he will be long gone. There are some lines you cannot cross.

Posted by aurora
yeah you are right, but most of the guys are not experienced at that age. so it is kinda correlated. you need time for experience.

i know a guy who married his best friend's mother. and they look perfect together and are still together. with no children of their own, but that doesn't seem to be an issue. so yes, everything is possible, but some things are more likely than other's and people should be aware of this, and make decisions not based on emotions but based on facts. especially when kids are in the middle of this.

This. You can't state exceptions as the rule, sorry.

Overall, that age group, men and women, aren't always going to be the most emotionally mature. We've all been there at some point (those of us who are past that age, obviously) and we can facepalm at all the stupid shit we did and said. It's just part of growing up.

But to jump in and cry exceptions to the rule as if it applies to all and not some, is a little ridiculous.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by aurora
yeah you are right, but most of the guys are not experienced at that age. so it is kinda correlated. you need time for experience.

i know a guy who married his best friend's mother. and they look perfect together and are still together. with no children of their own, but that doesn't seem to be an issue. so yes, everything is possible, but some things are more likely than other's and people should be aware of this, and make decisions not based on emotions but based on facts. especially when kids are in the middle of this.

This. You can't state exceptions as the rule, sorry.

Overall, that age group, men and women, aren't always going to be the most emotionally mature. We've all been there at some point (those of us who are past that age, obviously) and we can facepalm at all the stupid shit we did and said. It's just part of growing up.

But to jump in and cry exceptions to the rule as if it applies to all and not some, is a little ridiculous.

click to expand

ok ok, got the point. I am just a bit sensitive to that topic cause I dated "matured" man and have friends that are a bit older, that are faaaare away from emotional maturity. So overrated. I don't trust age no more, just what I see.

Posted by lucyL

Posted by aurora
yeah you are right, but most of the guys are not experienced at that age. so it is kinda correlated. you need time for experience.

and most girls, yes I agree with you. You do need time, but also will and guts.

click to expand

You know, something I've noticed with some people is that it seems if they spent their "growing up years" doing things a little more.. "advanced" than others their age would be doing- say, getting married or having kids (unplanned), that they continue to be quite the immature individuals

It's like they need that time to go through the typical immature phases of life to get to the more mature, experienced phases of life.

You'd think that having kids would make one snap into a mature mindset, but it's almost as if they paused life at that point, never really working through the "typical" years where you grow and learn from all the crazy experiences you gain.

Not all people, though. Just some individuals that I've met. One popped out a kid at 18 and it's like she never grew up beyond 18, despite having 5 kids by 31. :/

It's kinda like asking a baby to start toddling before they've even learned to roll over/crawl. They have to go through the other developmental stages in order to get to that stage in life. If not, they're going to have delays in development.

Posted by lucyL

ok ok, got the point. I am just a bit sensitive to that topic cause I dated "matured" man and have friends that are a bit older, that are faaaare away from emotional maturity. So overrated. I don't trust age no more, just what I see.

"Matured" guys that actively look for and date younger girls aren't mature. There's a reason why women their age won't date them, remember that.

I've had several experiences with younger guys, as well as listening to the amazing stories all my guy friends have shared from when they were in their early 20s. I've noticed several patterns at this point, which is why I brought it up. Of course, age shouldn't be the initial, deciding factor, since behavior will definitely determine who they really are in the long run. It's why I gave those younger guys a chance ...only to be proven right with my initial concerns with their age. *sigh*

I'm still amazed that this guy had the balls to tell the OP what he did, like it was no big deal. Unfreakingbelievable. :/ "You're not good enough to stroke my ego, so I'm having someone else do it for me. But it's okay, honey, I still love YOU best!"