Taurus Male/Cancer Female - Advice Needed

Warning this is long winded— but I need some advice (or clarity). I dated a 30-year-old Taurus man (I am a 29-year-old cancer female) for almost 1.5 years. We met at a strange time, as I had just ended a long term relationship a few months prior. I was hesitant that I was not taking enough time to truly heal before I felt I could open up my heart, but he was very persistent. He felt familiar to me the moment I met him, and he had strong convictions that God had brought us together for a reason. He also began to go through a tough time, as he was a former professional athlete who found himself unemployed and working odd jobs to stay afloat. I had an unconditional love for him during dark times, and tried to nurture and care for him when he was down on his luck. We spent a year in the same city and were each other’s pillar of strength. I was the financial breadwinner (paying for almost everything) and let him live with me. It was the healthiest relationship I had ever been in, without much if any personal conflict, even though circumstances were difficult. He wanted to be together constantly, would leave love notes my porch every night and was the first to say “I love you”. I was slow to open my heart and trust to someone again but he was different. We spoke about a future together....kids, marriage, family (things I have never spoken about with anyone before). Whenever I used the first person he would correct me with “we”, “us” or “our”. He’d only had one other serious relationship in his life that ended badly and told me he honestly thought God brought us together to show us exactly what we wanted in a partner. We met all of the important people in each other’s lives and he always wanted to be around my family and friends. We did everything together—genuinely referring to each other as our best friend. We had dreams of moving away to a new city and creating our own home.

Eventually he landed a job at a small college town 600 miles away as a soccer coach. He wasn’t making much money there but it allowed him to get back in the professional field he wanted to be in. It hurt to know that someone I loved was moving away again (that’s how the one prior ended) and I hated long distance, but he was absolutely certain we could conquer anything. The plan was to be together eventually and he encouraged me to apply for jobs within a 3-hour driving distance to him since I couldn’t find work in his small town. Distance was hard and I often became melancholy, but I took every action I could to show him I cared. Helped move all his stuff with him, planned and paid for getaway trips, drove to visit multiple times (18 hours round trip), supported his career and watched every game from afar, decorated & organized his whole apartment to make it feel like home, etc. We spoke every day and although he knew I was struggling with distance, he never acknowledged any issues in our relationship. He never once complained about me or us.

After a few months apart, I began to pressure him for what was next. I needed to know where he was going so I could plan my own career around it, as I had grown very tired of my job. There wasn’t much reason for him to stay at his job after the season ended either—they paid him very little, he wanted a more senior role, it was in the middle of absolutely nowhere and he didn’t have friends within a 200 mile radius. He said his plan had always been to be able to land a job in a big city where we could both find work and he could financially support us both, he just didn’t know when that would happen or where it would be. The problem was, I still made more money and it made more sense for him to move to me. It was frustrating to not know where we were going and keep putting life on hold. The last time he visited me we got along well (still very affectionate and loving) but did not have sex. I was very upset that he never seemed to initiate it and I confronted him asking if there was something wrong. That was the first time he ever acknowledged there was an issue, saying he didn’t know why he was like that and he thought something was wrong with him instead. He’s never been an overtly aggressive person in the bedroom as he likes routine, but he was happy when I initiated. I told him he was seeming apathetic and complacent, making me feel unloved. He rarely showed negative emotions or let me know anything was bothering him. He kept saying he just wanted to talk to his mom and figure out what was going on with him since she had a good way of helping him figure out his feelings. He then went cold and didn’t talk to me for days, pulling back completely. When we did talk, he was cold and stubborn. It was like I didn’t even know the person I was speaking to. He said he didn’t understand the way he was feeling but he “knew in his head that he loved me but his heart wasn’t feeling the same right now” and that it “wasn’t fair with where we were at to keep ignoring it”. He said he was having trouble showing me or having emotions that go with the way he thinks about me. When I asked if still saw a future including marriage and kids with me he said that wasn’t how his heart felt right now. Eventually I called him and he couldn’t even say the words to break up with me. I had to force him to basically agree that he did indeed want to end things. He couldn’t tell me when or why things changed. He couldn’t explain the feelings that were missing. He couldn’t tell me why he didn’t try to communicate any of this with me previously, or why he continued the long-distance relationship. He just said he didn’t think it could be fixed together and he/we needed space apart. He swore up and down he wasn’t unfaithful. He was crying and we both ended the conversation saying “I love you” and we hoped the other person found what made them happy. I was devastated that he had perused me so heavily and convinced me to fall in love, only to hurt me in the way I had feared all along. We haven’t spoken in six weeks since the breakup. I respect him and I know I have to take what he told me as a hard truth, but it just feels so empty and heartless. I feel like he was holding back something.

So what makes a Taurus man change his mind so suddenly when he was previously convinced we were destined to be together? Or if he knew he lost feelings, what made him never speak up until the last second? In the past, he had taught me to work through issues and communicate instead of giving up. It makes even less sense knowing he’s in total isolation and doesn’t know where he’s going career/money wise. Although, he’s been home with family on holiday for the past month so I assume he’s been distracting himself in a comfort zone. I know this is nothing, but he still follows me and watches all my stories on Instagram as well as my families. He’s also been overly posting on social media (something he never used to do), but I chose to unfollow him.

Any insight is helpful. I just really want to understand what he’s feeling inside since I feel so in the dark. I know the best way to deal with Taurus is to give them space, but is it more harm than good to try to reach out?

Either sex or money changed how he feels.

I think you also developed an unhealthy form of monetary control over the relationship. You paid for everything. You were the breadwinner. He should move back to you. Hes probably not feeling very masculine. And you're missing the control you had over the relationship. Which is why you were pressuring him so much on what he wanted to do. Girl, hes doing nothing. You were dating a broke man and it was fun and secure having the financial control. That was until he started to spread his wings and see more of the world.

You can wait around for him to come back

Or

You can use your money and travel and let the airports heal your heart.

All I know is we Taureans are at our best when we are financially stable or stable in our career. If he is not at it, he cannot promise you a future. I think he may be feeling alot of pressure that things are not getting better as fast as he thought it would, hence cannot continue with you. Maybe feeling pressure outweighed other emotions that he has for you, and did not want to string you along, when he is unsure of himself.

This is just what I think anyway, maybe he has a different story

It’s so sad!!!

However all this paying for everything...is he younger and a stud and you felt you can’t get anyone better so you were just buying his body?

All this no conflict thing seems like he was using you because you were his food ticket.

I don’t know what you respect him for so much. For letting you support him?

What else?

These kept men are so good and loving because they have nothing and nowhere to go and they know to behave or else...they will lose roof over the head and food on the table.

Again...what was respect for? What did he ever do to you except bullshiting you with flowery words?

Just trying to find out if you were taken for a ride. Seems like it. Unfortunately...

i suspect that his financial situation isn't helping and perhaps a little depression crept in but be honest, how much did you nag him about this?

- "i was hurt when he moved away" = old wounds opened up again.

- "i become melancholy" = we all know what that means in a cancer's world. bring out every violin ever made to play your woes.

- "he knew i was struggling with distance". tell him much did you?

- then you "began to pressure him". probably the next stage from pouting and telling him how difficult this is for you.

- "i was frustrated" = i was annoyed and felt resentment

- "we didn't have sex" and i got upset that again, i had to do everything including initiate.

- "i confronted him" = we argued

- he made me "feel unloved" = i made him feel that he is responsible for my feelings.

so what did he do then? he turned to his mother because he didn't feel comfortable turning to you. is there any surprise this thing has run off into the ditch? can you blame him for not wanting him to tie himself to you with marriage and kids if this is how the next 30,40,50 years will be?

even now you blame him for your feelings. "he pursued me and made me fall in love", do you take no responsibility for your role in this? you blame him for not being able to communicate to your satisfaction. "why did you continue long distance?" "why didn't you tell me this earlier?". you blame him for things not working out.

i get it, you've whitewashed this story (either intentionally or not) to alleviate yourself of any negative part you played but if you really look at your own contribution to this you'll get some insight why it ended the way it did.

there is no point in giving him space as a last ditch attempt, i think he just probably realised you didn't make him feel happy. it no doubt broke his heart as much as it broke yours but there you go.

Posted by TxOgal

All I know is we Taureans are at our best when we are financially stable or stable in our career. If he is not at it, he cannot promise you a future. I think he may be feeling alot of pressure that things are not getting better as fast as he thought it would, hence cannot continue with you. Maybe feeling pressure outweighed other emotions that he has for you, and did not want to string you along, when he is unsure of himself.

This is just what I think anyway, maybe he has a different story

This....

150%

@Jeane....

She's a Cancer...

LOL.

It's never "I."

It's always "you made me...feel this...do this...say this...."

@Madeofstars

You will get your man back when he stepped up his 'money game'...he may throw in love/hate sex as part of the bonus package. As of now, with his financial insecurities, and your guilt trips and pressuring ways....a reconciliation isn't happening any time soon.

Posted by TaurusBull1977

@Jeane....

She's a Cancer...

LOL.

It's never "I."

It's always "you made me...feel this...do this...say this...."

@Madeofstars

You will get your man back when he stepped up his 'money game'...he may throw in love/hate sex as part of the bonus package. As of now, with his financial insecurities, and your guilt trips and pressuring ways....a reconciliation isn't happening any time soon.

yes, as always, you are right.

@jeane @taurusbull1977



You’re right. I know I had a part to play in it and it’s my hurt talking and shifting responsibility to one side. I wanted to know what was next and pushed too far, with money being the biggest obstacle. That combined with my fear of getting hurt were probably too much. I guess I just wish we could have had better communication if we were both struggling or frustrated.

As for the money thing—I know it sounds bizarre but I honestly believed he was capable of so much success, I just wanted to support him in any way I could whether it be emotionally or financially. The unwavering loyalty, love and care he provided were what I received in return, but I do understand that finances are a major part of stabitly. I just still care for him so deeply. Having a best friend turn into a stranger feels like a tragic loss.

Women make a mistake when they do too much for men. Support and encouragement is one thing but actually doing it for them? It never ends well. Either they become dependent or resentful or both.

I would give it some time. Get on with your life and see how you feel in 6 months.

Posted by jeane

Women make a mistake when they do too much for men. Support and encouragement is one thing but actually doing it for them? It never ends well. Either they become dependent or resentful or both.

I would give it some time. Get on with your life and see how you feel in 6 months.

This is very true.

@Made...

You're his woman, not his mother.

The male ego can be fragile.

Tread lightly.