Hello handsome men of DXP. Question.

So, ive been reading up on dating psychology. I have read exclusively (like literally every source) say that a man will not get into a relationship with a woman he doesnt feel he had to invest in. Not monetarily but that he had to put in sufficient effort
heliumfiascoJune 22, 2018 6:55pm
116 replies
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  • ellesbelles
    Feeble-Minded Scorpio

    The user who posted this message has hidden it.

  • Oh I don’t know. Things can start fast and they will eventually adjust if the relationship is strong. Of course I’m a Sag and I have no idea how to pace & I do what I feel like. 😂😂

    If it burns out, it wasn’t meant to happen in my view point. I’ve had long term relationships start out fast and adjust. Had other ones that you just made poor decisions due to fast pace but not the burnout part. Maybe it’s a Libra thing & balance lol. Current One is a Libra and he put it to a slower pace. Well slower than initially- see him 2x a week. But it’s cool gives us both time to do our thang too. And continue forward progress.
  • aquarius09
    Sun: Aqua Moon: Aqua Mercury: Aqua Venus: Aqua Mars: Sagittarius
    Posted by Berzerker
    This ideas of how a man and woman should approach properly is a lot of bs, if a man or woman has quality and the relationship has potential don't need all that silly games


    Most real post! Attraction or mutual attraction needn’t require a manual or guide. If mutual attraction is there, it happens and nothing keeps that attraction from extinguishing. However, keep in mind that it has to be mutual. The times you hear of game playing and a whole lot of crap about hot and cold behaviour is when one party isn’t truly interested or wholeheartedly to say the least.
  • Chuckcem
    Four neighboring signs in four different elements...That's Me...
    male
    If a woman decides to play games she'll have a harder time keeping the interest of a man who is confident and has options in love. While human beings all want what we can't have, this strategy doesn't work on everyone. Typically the guys who will stick through these games are the clingers and the players. Clinger are too needy to give up and players simply don't care. So if you're trying to inspire a guy to chase you, just know there's a chance he may not be the guy you want in the end.

    Personally I know the game well enough to see through it, but if a woman wastes too much time sidestepping/backing away I'll get bored and stop altogether. I'm a busy guy, so I only pay attention to women who are direct. In fact I'll spend more effort getting to know a woman who is confident enough to drop the games than one who is too busy playing games and following arbitrary dating "rules". There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and isn't scared to go get it.

    Also know that if a woman has sex with a guy, whatever games she plans on playing after that point will be useless. It's no secret that guys want sex. So creating more obstacles after sex is a quick way to lose a guy. Some guys may stick around a bit to see if they can make any more progress, but many would fine cutting their losses.
  • Posted by Smidge

    Handsome? WHERE

    Yeah, you should have just PMed me instead... Laughing
  • WitchmitchAries
    Sun Aries Moon Scorpio Arising Gemini
    female
    Posted by TheRabbit
    Posted by WitchmitchAries
    Posted by TheRabbit
    Posted by Smidge
    Handsome? WHERE


    She's right though


    there's men on this website??


    About the same number as there are "ladies" here.
    click to expand


    now i really doubt that. its more like 1 out of 20 is my guess.
  • ValleysofNeptune
    Pisces sun, Virgo moon, Leo ascendant - Professional Gaslighter
    25 years old male
    Posted by WeetzieBat
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by WeetzieBat
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by WeetzieBat
    I think I might see what's going on here. I think some people might think that if you do things a certain way you can have a relationship that doesn't eventually have boring times. Sorry, kids. No such thing.


    There's always going to be ups and downs in a relationship, especially if it becomes serious. I don't think anyone believes otherwise. But there are lots of reasons why people might want to take things slow and pace themselves at first and that's fine, just as it's fine to take it fast


    I don't have a problem with pacing. I have a problem with people using a set of rules for dating instead of doing what feels right.


    Ok, I haven't seen anyone say there should be a set of rules for dating we were just talking about the possible benefits of taking it slow. But what if having a guide of principles or "rules" for dating is what feels right to them? Who are you to say they shouldn't? I mean you seem to live by the "rule" of doing what feels right. Don't you think if something felt right for them they would do it? lol. And yeah people should do what they feel/think/whatever is right, but humans and love and romance are more complex than just giving into every desire and diving in head first everytime, unless that's what you prefer. But if people prefer to take it slow and aren't being malicious while doing so and that's their style then who cares lol


    Did you actually read the OP?

    I've answered your questions already, so I'm not gonna do it again.
    click to expand


    I did and nowhere does it say that people should or have to live their love lives by a rigid set of rules, just that creating space and taking a slower pace can make things last longer if that's your intention. And I asked some different questions in my next post but ok dude lol
  • ValleysofNeptune
    Pisces sun, Virgo moon, Leo ascendant - Professional Gaslighter
    25 years old male
    Posted by WeetzieBat
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by WeetzieBat
    I think I might see what's going on here. I think some people might think that if you do things a certain way you can have a relationship that doesn't eventually have boring times. Sorry, kids. No such thing.


    There's always going to be ups and downs in a relationship, especially if it becomes serious. I don't think anyone believes otherwise. But there are lots of reasons why people might want to take things slow and pace themselves at first and that's fine, just as it's fine to take it fast


    I don't have a problem with pacing. I have a problem with people using a set of rules for dating instead of doing what feels right.
    click to expand


    Ok, I haven't seen anyone say there should be a set of rules for dating we were just talking about the possible benefits of taking it slow. But what if having a guide of principles or "rules" for dating is what feels right to them? Who are you to say they shouldn't? I mean you seem to live by the "rule" of doing what feels right. Don't you think if something felt right for them they would do it? lol. And yeah people should do what they feel/think/whatever is right, but humans and love and romance are more complex than just giving into every desire and diving in head first everytime, unless that's what you prefer. But if people prefer to take it slow and aren't being malicious while doing so and that's their style then who cares lol
  • ValleysofNeptune
    Pisces sun, Virgo moon, Leo ascendant - Professional Gaslighter
    25 years old male
    Posted by Lioness888
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by tiziani
    Also like someone else said, this is really no different than thinking of people as commodities.


    commodity - a raw material or primary agricultural product that can be bought and sold, such as copper or coffee

    How is wanting to proceed in a relationship at the pace you want and trying to build a long lasting relationship with someone you're highly interested in treating them like a product that can be bought or sold?

    Like some of you guys are acting like the OP is telling you how to proceed with a relationship but then a lot of you are acting like people who move slowly in a relationship are manipulative pieces of butter who shouldn't do it wtf lol

    I don't think it's the slow thing. More the rejecting dates on purpose to achieve a desire outcome. Not that she does that, but that's what these studies or dating rules are suggesting from what op is saying. I think everyone is just interpreting it from different perspectives. Slow because you are cautious and that's your pace is normal. But slow on purpose to manipulate a desired outcome is playing games. So I think it's the intention that determines if it's right or wrong, rather than the actual process.
    click to expand


    I still don't see that as playing games at all, no matter the intention really. If I went on a date with someone and we had a good time and she wanted to do something again the next day and I didn't want to for any reason I don't see anything wrong with that, same for if she didn't want to. Whether it be me/her not being in the mood or me wanting to make sure we don't get burned out on each other too quick I see no issue with it. I mean we do things to try and influence the outcome we want in life in general, in love and otherwise. As long as you aren't lying, being emotionally abusive, or otherwise being a piece of butter I see nothing wrong with it. Those are things I think of when people talk about "playing games" as it's commonly used today. But in my case it's hard for me to separate the two reasons for moving slowly you listed I guess because moving slowly sometimes just feels right for me but I also see the possible benefits of moving slower...

    Also I feel I need to clarify that this doesn't mean I'm completely disregarding the other person and only doing what I want to do. What they want would obviously be a factor, maybe more or maybe less depending on how I feel about them. But ultimately there's nothing wrong with moving at the pace you want to if you do it an acceptable way
  • Arkansassy
    Provider of Facts and Logic
    Sounds exhausting tbh
  • ValleysofNeptune
    Pisces sun, Virgo moon, Leo ascendant - Professional Gaslighter
    25 years old male
    Posted by WeetzieBat
    I think I might see what's going on here. I think some people might think that if you do things a certain way you can have a relationship that doesn't eventually have boring times. Sorry, kids. No such thing.


    There's always going to be ups and downs in a relationship, especially if it becomes serious. I don't think anyone believes otherwise. But there are lots of reasons why people might want to take things slow and pace themselves at first and that's fine, just as it's fine to take it fast
  • tiziani
    Vorrei guardati ancora ballare se lo stereo e' spento
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by tiziani
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by tiziani
    Also like someone else said, this is really no different than thinking of people as commodities.


    commodity - a raw material or primary agricultural product that can be bought and sold, such as copper or coffee

    How is wanting to proceed in a relationship at the pace you want and trying to build a long lasting relationship with someone you're highly interested in treating them like a product that can be bought or sold?

    Like some of you guys are acting like the OP is telling you how to proceed with a relationship but then a lot of you are acting like people who move slowly in a relationship are manipulative pieces of butter who shouldn't do it wtf lol


    I honestly don't know what I just walked into with this post.

    For what it's worth me and my partner have a space in our relationship where we treat each other as commodities. I did not say it was a bad thing.

    However it wouldn't be the basis of an entire relationship for me, personally.

    It's the same concept if you don't look at it literally. It implies people and relationships have a value, and once you give someone else your full worth they are done with you.

    People can be objectified like that and sometimes it makes for hot sex but long-term relationships do not work like that, in my (limited) experience.


    Yeah I agree. And sorry yeah I guess I kinda blindsided you with some extra thoughts I didn't post for the first person to compare it to treating them like commodities lol

    And this is just in general, I don't treat relationships like some rigid game that needs to be won and with rules you need to play by. And there's no reason to manipulate or be dishonest, I never said there was. Things ebb and flow and sometimes I want to be around them a lot for a while, obviously that's fine. But I understand that timing and space can make things grow and that if I start to reach that point where we're starting to mildly get a little tired or bored of being around each other, then a couple days apart won't hurt
    click to expand


    I can definitely relate to your last sentence for sure.
  • ValleysofNeptune
    Pisces sun, Virgo moon, Leo ascendant - Professional Gaslighter
    25 years old male
    Posted by tiziani
    Posted by ValleysofNeptune
    Posted by tiziani
    Also like someone else said, this is really no different than thinking of people as commodities.


    commodity - a raw material or primary agricultural product that can be bought and sold, such as copper or coffee

    How is wanting to proceed in a relationship at the pace you want and trying to build a long lasting relationship with someone you're highly interested in treating them like a product that can be bought or sold?

    Like some of you guys are acting like the OP is telling you how to proceed with a relationship but then a lot of you are acting like people who move slowly in a relationship are manipulative pieces of butter who shouldn't do it wtf lol


    I honestly don't know what I just walked into with this post.

    For what it's worth me and my partner have a space in our relationship where we treat each other as commodities. I did not say it was a bad thing.

    However it wouldn't be the basis of an entire relationship for me, personally.

    It's the same concept if you don't look at it literally. It implies people and relationships have a value, and once you give someone else your full worth they are done with you.

    People can be objectified like that and sometimes it makes for hot sex but long-term relationships do not work like that, in my (limited) experience.
    click to expand


    Yeah I agree. And sorry yeah I guess I kinda blindsided you with some extra thoughts I didn't post for the first person to compare it to treating them like commodities lol

    And this is just in general, I don't treat relationships like some rigid game that needs to be won and with rules you need to play by. And there's no reason to manipulate or be dishonest, I never said there was. Things ebb and flow and sometimes I want to be around them a lot for a while, obviously that's fine. But I understand that timing and space can make things grow and that if I start to reach that point where we're starting to mildly get a little tired or bored of being around each other, then a couple days apart won't hurt
  • heliumfiasco
    Sun Lib12- Moon Gem 8- Merc Lib12-Venus/Mars Virgo11- Asc Lib-Pluto Scorp1st.
    female
    Just so we’re all clear. I posted for opinions. I enjoy them all! I have no set idea on any of it. I just don’t see the manipulative factor of it.


    I’m still clueless and will probably move in with my next boyfriend in a month. Hahahaha
  • tiziani
    Vorrei guardati ancora ballare se lo stereo e' spento
    Super-handsome so I made multiple posts in this thread.


    Good luck Drinks
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