After my disappearance....

So I disappeared from my Virgo guy and didn't touch base with him for over a month. Then on his birthday something told me tell him "Happy Birthday". After that things were COMPLETELY different. Asking to see me more, texting and doing every single thing differently. My birthday is 14 days after his and so for my birthday he came to see me and gave me some money for my birthday. He NEVER mentioned me being gone for months and neither did I. If he wasn't going to mention it neither would I.

So a couple of weeks later I planned for us to have "game night". So I created all these questions about one another. Some questions I wanted to know about him and some questions I wanted him to know the answer to , about how I felt about him. He work crazy hours and so this particular day Idk if it would be a good night to have game night! Anywho I lit some candles, and had these huge body pillows in my living room. lights off and music playing. So when he came over he was SOOOO SHOCKED!!!! smiling from ear to ear and says that no one has ever did something romantic for him. The questions surely helped him open up more and I was able to find out why he act the way he does sometimes from past family relationships. One question in particular that I asked was "is it harder to trust or love" and he said "trust". Reason why is from how his family treated him. Now I'm no mental therapist or anything but knowing someone past makes it easier to understand why they act the way they do and what they need at times.

To this day things are cool, we see each other a lot and talk a lot. His ways are DIFFERENT than they were the 1st time we started to talk. Still some form of miscommunication issues and I do find myself "disappearing" again lol. Def something I have to work on, I feel if I disappear then that keeps the feelings from being strong and the worst place to be at times is in your feelings. If not it can make u emo and clingy! which is yucky place to be. I think disappearing for a while was a good thing. Some men u just need to leave alone for a while weeks or even months. To show that you can live without them and that you're not needy or press.

I call my guys "my _____ guy". I may say something about "my Sag friend". Whatever is coming from MY mouth is how I refer to you. But what point is that? My friends are my friends correct?

Well u can sip ur drink while u have your thoughts.

Like out of everything i said, u can only find me saying "my virgo" guy. like thats neither here nor there.

What would be suggested? I say his name? thats not an option.

I find it funny that ppl can tell me who I can live without.

Sounds like a calculated approach to me. The silentio stampa for a month would not work.

I never disappear when I am dating someone.

Posted by VirgoCupcake
I feel if I disappear then that keeps the feelings from being strong and the worst place to be at times is in your feelings. If not it can make u emo and clingy! which is yucky place to be.

^^I mean on the one hand you say this...which would be a legitimate concern.

Posted by VirgoCupcake
To show that you can live without them and that you're not needy or press.

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^^On the other hand this, which hints you do it to get a reaction, have them put you on a pedestal..because you're somewhat different than the other needy emo women.

Posted by Impulsv
Yeah then u got a man who is there because he needs the chase. When the chase is over then what? But yeah if he likes the chase n u like giving it u guys are perfect then.

Yup, the dynamic might work for them.

Posted by Damnata
Sounds like a calculated approach to me. The silentio stampa for a month would not work.

I never disappear when I am dating someone.

You're right! def something I need to work on. But idk what else to do once I start to get emo. Honestly, idk what else to do to control those emotions. If not then I would or can begin to nag. LOL so to control that I just disappear. I think everything links to everything. Since my dad communicated poorly, the best way I could not cry over that since I couldn't control him coming around, I would just leave him alone. So some how I brought that into my dating life because nagging about something doesn't change. So if I leave, get out my feelings then I have more control on to express myself without breaking down. I am a very emo person. I can cry very easily over happiness, joy or sadness

Posted by VirgoCupcake
You're right! def something I need to work on. But idk what else to do once I start to get emo. Honestly, idk what else to do to control those emotions. If not then I would or can begin to nag. LOL so to control that I just disappear. I think everything links to everything. Since my dad communicated poorly, the best way I could not cry over that since I couldn't control him coming around, I would just leave him alone. So some how I brought that into my dating life because nagging about something doesn't change. So if I leave, get out my feelings then I have more control on to express myself without breaking down. I am a very emo person. I can cry very easily over happiness, joy or sadness

Well first off there's the Virgo defensiveness/anxiety.

However fear and control are not the same thing.

fear leads to self sabotage
control leads to manipulation which will still lead to self sabotage

To take the self sabotage out of the equation, you have to be honest and genuine with yourself and allow yourself to express any emotion for you, for your fulfillment of yourself. If you think about how the other person receives it, you will freak yourself out. Just do it for yourself in tiny steps. Then let friends and family see it and by then it will be a part of your daily experience.

Virgos often feel obnoxious and like we're pestering people when we say/show stuff but this is all an illusion we have going on in our heads to keep us from learning that we're also flawed and it's OK. All of us are flawed in one way or the others and, if anything, people bind over the small quirks in people and not over the picture perfect illusion.

Posted by Impulsv
Yeah then u got a man who is there because he needs the chase. When the chase is over then what? But yeah if he likes the chase n u like giving it u guys are perfect then.

lol are u kidding?!?! Since when did Virgo men chase women?!?!?!?! HA! thats never. Virgos don't chase ppl, so thats not even logical that I would think that would work with him. Me disappearing has NOTHING to do with him. I stated thats my own stuff. From my relationship with my dad! that has transferred in my own dating life!

Posted by Damnata

Posted by VirgoCupcake
You're right! def something I need to work on. But idk what else to do once I start to get emo. Honestly, idk what else to do to control those emotions. If not then I would or can begin to nag. LOL so to control that I just disappear. I think everything links to everything. Since my dad communicated poorly, the best way I could not cry over that since I couldn't control him coming around, I would just leave him alone. So some how I brought that into my dating life because nagging about something doesn't change. So if I leave, get out my feelings then I have more control on to express myself without breaking down. I am a very emo person. I can cry very easily over happiness, joy or sadness

Well first off there's the Virgo defensiveness/anxiety.

However fear and control are not the same thing.

fear leads to self sabotage
control leads to manipulation which will still lead to self sabotage

To take the self sabotage out of the equation, you have to be honest and genuine with yourself and allow yourself to express any emotion for you, for your fulfillment of yourself. If you think about how the other person receives it, you will freak yourself out. Just do it for yourself in tiny steps. Then let friends and family see it and by then it will be a part of your daily experience.

Virgos often feel obnoxious and like we're pestering people when we say/show stuff but this is all an illusion we have going on in our heads to keep us from learning that we're also flawed and it's OK. All of us are flawed in one way or the others and, if anything, people bind over the small quirks in people and not over the picture perfect illusion.

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NOW that is true!!! Cuz I take meds for anxiety so I know that all of that is true! Def an illusion that I create in my own head. I can go the route of being vulnerable but I am so scared of rejection it eats me up inside.

Posted by Impulsv
Just when a real relationship n ur married u can no longer do disappearing acts. What then.

I want marriage and I know there isn't to be done. But the commitment part isn't the issue here that is hard for me. I have no commitment, so I guess i didn't really think that it can effect anyone. He surely doesn't speak on it. I have NO issue with being consistent. But when I fear that rejection may come my way, the easier way for me is to get out my feelings. How do I do that? By leaving for a while.

Point is, no one dies a virgin cuz life fucks all of us.

Same with rejection. Just think of how much rejection men usually face comparing to women.

It's funny but the Virgo guys I know always chased me. They're as aggressive as Aries Men.

But then I'm a Virgo too so it would look funny for both of us to passively glance at each other. lol

I lost count how many times I've been rejected/friendzoned. It is what it is. I just want to have no regrets in the end.

Posted by Impulsv
Why do u equate emotions with nagging? Why do u feel Shame In showing emotion. It is a beatiful
Thing to be able to express it n someone will love that about u. Otherwise u are attracting what u don't need. Don't u want to be with one who can see u as u are n love u for that?
I used to think emotions were bad as u do n only caused me physical illness from withholding to much. I couldn't disappear during marriage but I withheld. It caused damage.
Accept ur emotional n that's ok.

Thats so true!!!

IDK why i think so. lol maybe cuz men always talking about chicks nagging! lmaoooo so I try not to go there. But I can be vulnerable. Just scared of rejection. It is something I need to get over to free myself from the anxiousness

Posted by Damnata
Point is, no one dies a virgin cuz life fucks all of us.

Same with rejection. Just think of how much rejection men usually face comparing to women.

It's funny but the Virgo guys I know always chased me. They're as aggressive as Aries Men.

But then I'm a Virgo too so it would look funny for both of us to passively glance at each other. lol

Imma virgo too! and their chase is NOT the same as other men. as in begging and pleading on why u should talk to them, when ur being silent.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by Damnata
I lost count how many times I've been rejected/friendzoned. It is what it is. I just want to have no regrets in the end.

i fuking got rejected once by a Scorpio and he's still in my life.

He fuking fills it with useless information. I told him to get a fuking journal. It's absurd. He talks about all types of females and just ignores my feels (which are no longer there, cause after been rejected for over a decade), enough is enough.

These days he fb's furniture pieces, art work, etc etc and asks me for my opinion, before it was gucci shoes and Zara clothing.

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I have a simillar story with a Scorpio. Reads like a movie..gone wrong. lol

I'm a scorpio and the only time I disappear is if I'm not interested. Be careful about the chase thing men get tired of chasing and end up with women who stops the chase and just start a relationship. It can be trucky because what ever you do now will either make it more difficult or better as time goes on. If you make a man chase too long he will go else where and you'll be looking shock thinking that guy actually waited on you. I'm sure he is dating other girls since you are disappearing on him so all I can say is if you really like him out an end to the chase games and fearing of emotions because he is a virgo after all he want to see your emotions to believe what you feel for him is real.

Good luck 🙂

Virgos do chase! The one Im dealing with chased me for 6 months till I was ready to tell him yes 🙂

some can be single forever they are so insecure they would marry themselves if it was possible, honestly!

Both actually! Lol Virgos are insecure and scorpio idk we be so focused on career that we often marry late male of female.

yup we are crazy too but most of us are confident almost arrogant almost bc we know we are extremely ambitious we do weird things to just go see if we can trust you but virgos take mind games to a whole new level! Atleast we eventually mature and stop virgo play games they whole life living in misery like self destruct if they don't ever wake up out their ass _??

Posted by Octoberbaby91
I'm a scorpio and the only time I disappear is if I'm not interested. Be careful about the chase thing men get tired of chasing and end up with women who stops the chase and just start a relationship. It can be trucky because what ever you do now will either make it more difficult or better as time goes on. If you make a man chase too long he will go else where and you'll be looking shock thinking that guy actually waited on you. I'm sure he is dating other girls since you are disappearing on him so all I can say is if you really like him out an end to the chase games and fearing of emotions because he is a virgo after all he want to see your emotions to believe what you feel for him is real.

Good luck 🙂

Yeah I can believe he just wants to see my emotions

Posted by VirgoCupcake

Posted by Impulsv
Yeah then u got a man who is there because he needs the chase. When the chase is over then what? But yeah if he likes the chase n u like giving it u guys are perfect then.

lol are u kidding?!?! Since when did Virgo men chase women?!?!?!?! HA! thats never. Virgos don't chase ppl, so thats not even logical that I would think that would work with him. Me disappearing has NOTHING to do with him. I stated thats my own stuff. From my relationship with my dad! that has transferred in my own dating life!

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Yes, Virgo men can chase when they want..and they can disappear when they want..and they can say "I've just been busy".. and that will be that! People may say that this is about their issues but it can still make a woman feel shitty after trusting them!

Just sayin!

Posted by AriesGirl74

Posted by VirgoCupcake

Posted by Impulsv
Yeah then u got a man who is there because he needs the chase. When the chase is over then what? But yeah if he likes the chase n u like giving it u guys are perfect then.

lol are u kidding?!?! Since when did Virgo men chase women?!?!?!?! HA! thats never. Virgos don't chase ppl, so thats not even logical that I would think that would work with him. Me disappearing has NOTHING to do with him. I stated thats my own stuff. From my relationship with my dad! that has transferred in my own dating life!

Yes, Virgo men can chase when they want..and they can disappear when they want..and they can say "I've just been busy".. and that will be that! People may say that this is about their issues but it can still make a woman feel shitty after trusting them!

Just sayin!

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Yeah but my thing is...that, if u asking for them to chase u on purpose. Like NOT calling because u want a reaction from them and they know that. They will be stubborn and not do it. So I was saying i don't do what I do for a reaction out of a virgo man because they re stubborn and have much pride. Im not talking about when u not interested or barely and he is chasing with trying to show u, he likes you. Everyone experience is different. But if I virgo knows you're doing something purposely to get a reaction, most likely u won't get it.

Posted by Impulsv
Why do u equate emotions with nagging? Why do u feel Shame In showing emotion. It is a beatiful
Thing to be able to express it n someone will love that about u. Otherwise u are attracting what u don't need. Don't u want to be with one who can see u as u are n love u for that?
I used to think emotions were bad as u do n only caused me physical illness from withholding to much. I couldn't disappear during marriage but I withheld. It caused damage.
Accept ur emotional n that's ok.

exactly.