lildol
@lildol
16 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 334 · Posts: 8771 · Topics: 323
All good things must end...
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I'm sorry to hear that, lildol. 😢
I am heading to bed and logged in just briefly, but I wanted you to know that I did read your words, and that I (like many others am sure) understand the internal sadness of letting someone go...
Hang in there, even though it might not feel well right now, it can defenitely get better.
I will try to write on Sunday, unless others have given you enough words of encouragement here.
All the best!
ADL
I am heading to bed and logged in just briefly, but I wanted you to know that I did read your words, and that I (like many others am sure) understand the internal sadness of letting someone go...
Hang in there, even though it might not feel well right now, it can defenitely get better.
I will try to write on Sunday, unless others have given you enough words of encouragement here.
All the best!
ADL
And I've considered the insecurity... he says relationships just don't work for him. He's been in 2 serious relationships and both ended with the women moving a long distance away and taking his kids as well; this was in fact even mentioned tonight.
But, I have staying power! To my detriment most likely...
He tells me he doesn't want to stand in the way of me finding someone else while he's gone, he worries about me and wants someone here to take care of me...
But, I sure as hell don't need someone to take care of me... I've taken care of myself quite well for the past 20 yrs! I have a good job and am on my 3rd house, all as a single mom, what part of me needs taking care of? HMPH!! I didn't tell him, but it really is an insult that he would even say such crap!!
But, I have staying power! To my detriment most likely...
He tells me he doesn't want to stand in the way of me finding someone else while he's gone, he worries about me and wants someone here to take care of me...
But, I sure as hell don't need someone to take care of me... I've taken care of myself quite well for the past 20 yrs! I have a good job and am on my 3rd house, all as a single mom, what part of me needs taking care of? HMPH!! I didn't tell him, but it really is an insult that he would even say such crap!!
Posted by lildol
He tells me he doesn't want to stand in the way of me finding someone else while he's gone, he worries about me and wants someone here to take care of me...
But, I sure as hell don't need someone to take care of me... I've taken care of myself quite well for the past 20 yrs! I have a good job and am on my 3rd house, all as a single mom, what part of me needs taking care of? HMPH!! I didn't tell him, but it really is an insult that he would even say such crap!!
I can tell you now that the virgo knows you're perfectly capable. He didn't say it to come off as a douche and say you can't handle your own without a man (let alone him); virgos want to care for their partners. We want to serve, to protect, to be that guiding light. He's already insecure; he's going to feel like being away from you is going to ruin his chances at doing such a thing; he thinks when you feel you need him the most, he's going to be away and unable to serve you, and he can't live with that. So... he wants you to find someone who can be there for you. He cares about you, but his insecurities are getting the best of him; he thinks that without him, you will get tired and simply leave like the other girls. When a guy tells you he isn't ready, that's a big neon sign for take a step back. Trying to prove otherwise is going to wear you out, so if it's for the best, let the virgo know that you don't think low of him. He wants to be there, he can't, he's too afraid, ect. He's got a lot of things to work out for himself...
@Gem: my Gem moon will NOT get the best of me LOL, and I know lost leaders are not to be sought after. But, is he a lost leader? or just insecure because of his predetermined leave of absence? IDK *sigh*
@Candeh: thank you, those are my thoughts, that being away is somehow going to be detrimental to the relationship. But, I've never really needed him per se, I never have asked for anything. I'm the giver...
He has said "no matter what, we'll always be best of friends and I'll always be there for you and never want to lose you as a friend", part of me doesn't like that statement. That is an end all be all statement for me.... I'm just a friend. So, I confronted him about romantic feelings for me given out history, his response, "I spend every day with you, all my spare time, if there is anyone I have romantic feelings for it is you, there is no one else."
ARRRRGGHHH where do I stand— (I know, typical post for the Virgo board, sorry all)
@Candeh: thank you, those are my thoughts, that being away is somehow going to be detrimental to the relationship. But, I've never really needed him per se, I never have asked for anything. I'm the giver...
He has said "no matter what, we'll always be best of friends and I'll always be there for you and never want to lose you as a friend", part of me doesn't like that statement. That is an end all be all statement for me.... I'm just a friend. So, I confronted him about romantic feelings for me given out history, his response, "I spend every day with you, all my spare time, if there is anyone I have romantic feelings for it is you, there is no one else."
ARRRRGGHHH where do I stand— (I know, typical post for the Virgo board, sorry all)
and I know better... but, under the circumstances, answers don't come easy!!!
I guess i\'m next. *puts on nice jacket and sprays mouth wash*
Hey, So when would you want me to go over and pick you up? 😉
Hey, So when would you want me to go over and pick you up? 😉
Posted by lildol
He has said "no matter what, we'll always be best of friends and I'll always be there for you and never want to lose you as a friend", part of me doesn't like that statement. That is an end all be all statement for me.... I'm just a friend. So, I confronted him about romantic feelings for me given out history, his response, "I spend every day with you, all my spare time, if there is anyone I have romantic feelings for it is you, there is no one else."
ARRRRGGHHH where do I stand— (I know, typical post for the Virgo board, sorry all)
He's not at all ready to let go of you. I only say this because I said the same thing to the cancer guy I was seeing. I mean, I loved him (still do) and even though I knew we couldn't really be together per se, I was always going to be his friend because I cared about him that much. But if things were to change, and he asked me to be his, I would have done it in a heartbeat.
You've given this virgo no reason to cut ties with you, and if he really needed to, he would. He loves you and cares about you very much, and he says this because if he feels he can't provide for this relationship or that your'e going to want to stop at some point, he wants to be in you life in some way. He's one big hot mess because he cares a lot, and he doesn't really know how to work it all out yet. With so much going on, all he can think about is this dreading feeling that all will be lost, I bet. Well, he doesn't want to lose you really, so he'll have you one way or another if things happen to go down south.
Posted by sorti-fantastic poney
I guess i\'m next. *puts on nice jacket and sprays mouth wash*
Hey, So when would you want me to go over and pick you up? 😉
😛
🙂
^ C\'mon babi, i getz u ice-cream now. 😉
but I don't like ice cream Sorti 😛
(my first job was in an ice cream factory... can't stand it!!! sorry, try again LOL oh, BTW, I don't like chocolate either!)
(my first job was in an ice cream factory... can't stand it!!! sorry, try again LOL oh, BTW, I don't like chocolate either!)
Posted by gemtaur
But Candeh, why can't he do a long-distance relationship? Am I missing something?
My only guess is that he's freaked the fuck out lol. LDR's do take a certain commitment. My guess is that he's just worried that somewhere down the line (in 3 months... because that's extremely long), it's all going to fail. I feel like he'd rather stop it all before he let's that happen again, especially if he feels like he can't necessarily control it (ie, he can't make it work in a closer proximity). He wants what's best for her, he wants to do it, but I don't think he can figure out if he really has the heart to REALLY do it... trials and tribulations and all.
That's just my guess.
scratch all sweets for that matter...
Posted by lildol
scratch all sweets for that matter...
Don't worry, i have something to stimulate your fancy, and it is nothing of touch. 😉
Posted by Candeh15Posted by gemtaur
But Candeh, why can't he do a long-distance relationship? Am I missing something?
My only guess is that he's freaked the fuck out lol. LDR's do take a certain commitment. My guess is that he's just worried that somewhere down the line (in 3 months... because that's extremely long), it's all going to fail. I feel like he'd rather stop it all before he let's that happen again, especially if he feels like he can't necessarily control it (ie, he can't make it work in a closer proximity). He wants what's best for her, he wants to do it, but I don't think he can figure out if he really has the heart to REALLY do it... trials and tribulations and all.
That's just my guess.click to expand
It's easier for him to bail now than to hold out...
The man has spent all but a handful of days with me for the past 5 mos, and I am there every turn, every step, especially in business, he should know me better than that. I'm not going anywhere!
But, if anyone has the will to stick it out, it's me... he has no clue!!!
So, how can I ease his mind? (if at all)
Posted by Candeh15Posted by lildol
He tells me he doesn't want to stand in the way of me finding someone else while he's gone, he worries about me and wants someone here to take care of me...
But, I sure as hell don't need someone to take care of me... I've taken care of myself quite well for the past 20 yrs! I have a good job and am on my 3rd house, all as a single mom, what part of me needs taking care of? HMPH!! I didn't tell him, but it really is an insult that he would even say such crap!!
I can tell you now that the virgo knows you're perfectly capable. He didn't say it to come off as a douche and say you can't handle your own without a man (let alone him); virgos want to care for their partners. We want to serve, to protect, to be that guiding light. He's already insecure; he's going to feel like being away from you is going to ruin his chances at doing such a thing; he thinks when you feel you need him the most, he's going to be away and unable to serve you, and he can't live with that. So... he wants you to find someone who can be there for you. He cares about you, but his insecurities are getting the best of him; he thinks that without him, you will get tired and simply leave like the other girls. When a guy tells you he isn't ready, that's a big neon sign for take a step back. Trying to prove otherwise is going to wear you out, so if it's for the best, let the virgo know that you don't think low of him. He wants to be there, he can't, he's too afraid, ect. He's got a lot of things to work out for himself...click to expand
Sorry to hear about your Virgo guy leaving. Candeh being a Virgo knows what to advise you better. But I also think after 5 months of almost every day together, he would realize that you would wait for him. Tell him you care for him, want to be there for him when he gets back, but maybe YOU need some time away from him also. Let him sweat it out when he sees what life is without you. Dont call/text him a lot while he is away. Also, go out on dates while he is gone. (doesnt have to be anything serious)...have FUN! Keep your calendar full, and I bet you he will come back with a different attitude. They always want what they can't have. I think this break will be good for BOTH of you.
Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
I have to say..even the fact Im a Virgo like your guy doesnt make things much easier for me to understand him 😛 but my gut-feeling says hang in there lildoll, I think he probably doesnt mean you SHOULD actually go out and date someone else in his absence, I suspect it is some sort of defense mechanism of him (maybe he has abandonment issues?) in order to prepare himself mentally in case something like that actually happens (you dating someone else), he probably hates the fact he has to leave you for 3 months, and is scared to death of losing you (I know it probably sounds unreasonable for him to think this way and says those things to you considering its only 3 months) so instead of crying in front of you admitting his fears of losing you like he probably would have done if he wasnt afraid of being vulnerable at this moment, he took a different route..in which he probably means the same, but is harder to understand.
You are so "right on" all the time Shaka!
People who the mean the world to another, are the world to another.
If this person can let the other go, then there is no regard on the level in which you've placed yourself.
A man (person) who regarded you as highly as you've deluded yourself into thinking he does would never let you go, no matter where he went or what he did.
People who mean the world to another, are the world to another .. they definitely are NOT left behind.
If you are left behind .. then you are expendable in terms of regard.
Any excuses that have identified are utter bullshit ... if a man leaves you, then he doesn't want you .. period.
If this person can let the other go, then there is no regard on the level in which you've placed yourself.
A man (person) who regarded you as highly as you've deluded yourself into thinking he does would never let you go, no matter where he went or what he did.
People who mean the world to another, are the world to another .. they definitely are NOT left behind.
If you are left behind .. then you are expendable in terms of regard.
Any excuses that have identified are utter bullshit ... if a man leaves you, then he doesn't want you .. period.
patience and staying power I've got... but he may not realize that. Other than physically leaving, he's doesn't appear to be going anywhere, he wants me in his life "forever" he says. Today he's talking of "us" getting a business license or at minimum a joint acct for business purposes (he wants me to handle his finances), which suggests he has no intent of not being connected to me in some way. I'm just really bothered him saying he does not want a relationship and giving me an open door to search elsewhere - while simultaneously wanting to be involved with me on another level.
As I'm seeing it, he trusts me with his money, but not his heart... and yes, that really bothers me. It's his heart that I truly want and I tell him this always! (hence the reason he trusts me with his money I suppose LOL)
As I'm seeing it, he trusts me with his money, but not his heart... and yes, that really bothers me. It's his heart that I truly want and I tell him this always! (hence the reason he trusts me with his money I suppose LOL)
Shaks, his moon is in Scorpio...
@KP: What was that? That I should run away with you? 🙂
Posted by ellessque
eek, moon in scorpio.
nevermind 😉
That moon in scorpio will do ya in sometimes, lol.
Posted by gemtaurPosted by P-Angel
People who the mean the world to another, are the world to another.
If this person can let the other go, then there is no regard on the level in which you've placed yourself.
A man (person) who regarded you as highly as you've deluded yourself into thinking he does would never let you go, no matter where he went or what he did.
People who mean the world to another, are the world to another .. they definitely are NOT left behind.
If you are left behind .. then you are expendable in terms of regard.
Any excuses that have identified are utter bullshit ... if a man leaves you, then he doesn't want you .. period.
P, while I agree with you, could you go over your husband's moving in with you story one more time?!
I think it goes something like: PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T THROW STONESclick to expand
What the hell are you babbling about now?
Let me get this straight .... is this a backwards way of saying what I said was not right?
That it IS ok for the man to leave her while giving her false sentiments of endearment?
Um yeah .. good thing you insinuate these things .. the women in here need to know that underneath all your false charm, a womanizing asshole resides.
Besides that ... I would have thought that everyone in here would have realized that everything this lady says is a fabrication.
go back and actually pay attention to her details of this Virgo man who trusted her with his very personal things, right from first encounter which involved her leading another man on and this other man making a specticle of him in public.
Yeah, right .... and many in here actually believe her, eventhough you know full well that a Virgo man is the most cautious creature in the world in the beginning stages.
And now here she is again, laying a description out of how wonderful she is .. and how she cannot keep the man .... and oh, everyone tell her how awesome she is and how she deserves so much.
And please, whatever you do .. don't go to the Pisces board and read anything she writes about the Pisces man she still has hanging onto her and oh my gosh, don't ever read about how much she enjoys having this P-man enamoured to her .. because if you acknowledge this game, then you might begin to think that this has all been a deception ....
.. and heaven forbide you be able to put two and two together
go back and actually pay attention to her details of this Virgo man who trusted her with his very personal things, right from first encounter which involved her leading another man on and this other man making a specticle of him in public.
Yeah, right .... and many in here actually believe her, eventhough you know full well that a Virgo man is the most cautious creature in the world in the beginning stages.
And now here she is again, laying a description out of how wonderful she is .. and how she cannot keep the man .... and oh, everyone tell her how awesome she is and how she deserves so much.
And please, whatever you do .. don't go to the Pisces board and read anything she writes about the Pisces man she still has hanging onto her and oh my gosh, don't ever read about how much she enjoys having this P-man enamoured to her .. because if you acknowledge this game, then you might begin to think that this has all been a deception ....
.. and heaven forbide you be able to put two and two together
Posted by lildol
My Virgo says he "likes me immensely", he doesn't want to lose me and that I mean the world to him, but he doesn't want a relationship or stand in the way of me finding someone else when he departs in 2 weeks (he's going away for 3 months for work). He said, maybe next year he'll be ready.
😢
*facepalm* (Remembers LV ... VH ...Tiki along with myself ... in a thread one late night)
smh .... you will hate me for giving my opinion now because you are hurting, but I think you already know it so I will let that be the closing argument. I'm sorry it had to go down this way lildol :/ Plus, I am a capricorn and I know the story, it would be heartless of me to state the obvious and I know it.
My goodness, when cap girls put all their faith into someone, it's goes all the way doesn't it? Believe me, I know.
The choices you make after this will either make or break you. I hope it makes you 🙂
*Laters*
sorry to be a downer but I don't why but I always felt like this was going to happen to you don't know why just a feeling sorry.
Posted by lildol
Shaks, his moon is in Scorpio...
OMG .... You wouldn't believe it, but one of my favorite people on DXP the SAME problems with a virgo with a scorpio moon. She finally let that dude go ... after I had to almost e-beat her to do it 😉 Plus she helped me with that gawd-forsaken cancer guy so we were there for each other and to this day, she and I know that we make the right decision on both men.
I was interested in a virgo man on the leo cusp with a scorpio moon (actually, his moon was on the saggie cusp lol). Well, to make a long story short, we screwed up with each other 😉 I take some of the blame in that dept but it was his damn fault too.
He calls me at least once or twice a month but I never answer ...
Posted by ellessque
eek, moon in scorpio.
nevermind 😉
sorry lildol to hear about what happen it's funny that a grown ass man can't decide on what he wants virgo or not it just proves age aint nothing but a number and that it doesn't define a person personality or maturity.
Some of you are just plain goofy! He's not going anywhere, he's trying to tie himself to me even more while simultaneously telling me he doesn't want to be attached. I'm having trouble with that idea. And yes, he has seen my true colors, hence the reason he trusts me whole heartedly with his finances. Funny in a way, I mentioned previously being the one in control in this area at some point and getting a joint acct for business purpose and that is coming to fruition. (sorry CappySweetie, I know you think that's a bad idea).
So, I guess what really bothers me, why am I the best friend and business partner, but not the love interest? Or, indeed I still am but he is scared and it is his way of being close to me and keeping me. He did say he wants me in his life forever and is still insisting on seeing me daily. He requests my presence at the barn on a daily basis, so, I asked this past week, "why? you don't need me there." his response "I want you there".
No, he's not going anywhere, nor am I. But, he is pulling for some reason... and me, well, I'll hold on that much tighter; I've told him I'm not one to just let go and he will not get rid of me easily. Maybe it all comes down to the fact he has to leave why this all came up and that bothers him, it bothers me, that's for sure. Maybe he's seeking some reassurance in how I respond, at the same time, he does want to tie me to him in a business partnership - so, no, he's going no where, at least not out of my life, nor does it appear he wants out of my life.
So, I guess what really bothers me, why am I the best friend and business partner, but not the love interest? Or, indeed I still am but he is scared and it is his way of being close to me and keeping me. He did say he wants me in his life forever and is still insisting on seeing me daily. He requests my presence at the barn on a daily basis, so, I asked this past week, "why? you don't need me there." his response "I want you there".
No, he's not going anywhere, nor am I. But, he is pulling for some reason... and me, well, I'll hold on that much tighter; I've told him I'm not one to just let go and he will not get rid of me easily. Maybe it all comes down to the fact he has to leave why this all came up and that bothers him, it bothers me, that's for sure. Maybe he's seeking some reassurance in how I respond, at the same time, he does want to tie me to him in a business partnership - so, no, he's going no where, at least not out of my life, nor does it appear he wants out of my life.
Posted by lildol
Some of you are just plain goofy! He's not going anywhere, he's trying to tie himself to me even more while simultaneously telling me he doesn't want to be attached. I'm having trouble with that idea. And yes, he has seen my true colors, hence the reason he trusts me whole heartedly with his finances. Funny in a way, I mentioned previously being the one in control in this area at some point and getting a joint acct for business purpose and that is coming to fruition. (sorry CappySweetie, I know you think that's a bad idea).
So, I guess what really bothers me, why am I the best friend and business partner, but not the love interest? Or, indeed I still am but he is scared and it is his way of being close to me and keeping me. He did say he wants me in his life forever and is still insisting on seeing me daily. He requests my presence at the barn on a daily basis, so, I asked this past week, "why? you don't need me there." his response "I want you there".
No, he's not going anywhere, nor am I. But, he is pulling for some reason... and me, well, I'll hold on that much tighter; I've told him I'm not one to just let go and he will not get rid of me easily. Maybe it all comes down to the fact he has to leave why this all came up and that bothers him, it bothers me, that's for sure. Maybe he's seeking some reassurance in how I respond, at the same time, he does want to tie me to him in a business partnership - so, no, he's going no where, at least not out of my life, nor does it appear he wants out of my life.
^^^^ come again?
"My Virgo says he "likes me immensely", he doesn't want to lose me and that I mean the world to him, but he doesn't want a relationship or stand in the way of me finding someone else when he departs in 2 weeks (he's going away for 3 months for work). He said, maybe next year he'll be ready."
"So, I guess what really bothers me, why am I the best friend and business partner, but not the love interest? Or, indeed I still am but he is scared and it is his way of being close to me and keeping me."
Seriously?
High Schooler's and College students do this,people your age do not.
"likes me immensely"
Didn't you say awhile back he told you he loves you?
it seems you are once again back peddling with this sudden turn around from first post to last.
I am not surprised lildol, I forewarned you in a prior thread that the signs were there that he wasn't as into you as you are him...I was disagreed with by several people yet the reality is he was unavailable and I saw it, I said it and it seems to have come to pass...I wish you all the best b/c you deserve the best, maybe he wasn't it.
Also he may he come back, typically when a man really loves or feels love for a woman he's quickly forced to make a decision about that particular which is really in your favor, it means he actually thought about you being in his life and typically men run away from those feelings before actually succumbing to them...He will be back around (IF) you give him space, my suggestion is to not initiate any contact, none whatsoever, of course reply if he contacts you but be slightly apathetic as if your okay b/c you are okay even if you don't feel okay right now and try not to fall into the trap of discussing the relationship too much, let him talk and figure out what he truly wants, if you give him to the space and chance to see what he's actually missing he may come to his own conclusion that he wants you in his life but make the wrong move by attempting to discuss it to death and convince him why you 2 should make it work, it will only create more distance and reconfirm his reasons why he doesn't want the relationship with you.
If you can lean back and not help him figure out why he needs you in his life things could turn around quite quickly but you have to stay out of the way and let him figure things out on his own and be prepared for it to be final if that's what the outcome is.
Also he may he come back, typically when a man really loves or feels love for a woman he's quickly forced to make a decision about that particular which is really in your favor, it means he actually thought about you being in his life and typically men run away from those feelings before actually succumbing to them...He will be back around (IF) you give him space, my suggestion is to not initiate any contact, none whatsoever, of course reply if he contacts you but be slightly apathetic as if your okay b/c you are okay even if you don't feel okay right now and try not to fall into the trap of discussing the relationship too much, let him talk and figure out what he truly wants, if you give him to the space and chance to see what he's actually missing he may come to his own conclusion that he wants you in his life but make the wrong move by attempting to discuss it to death and convince him why you 2 should make it work, it will only create more distance and reconfirm his reasons why he doesn't want the relationship with you.
If you can lean back and not help him figure out why he needs you in his life things could turn around quite quickly but you have to stay out of the way and let him figure things out on his own and be prepared for it to be final if that's what the outcome is.
LOL@tooserious...I totally agree, a man can't miss what is easily available and always there...I knew he always felt friendship just by how he was treating her...Something is missing on an emotional level, he spent enough time with her day in and day out to know that it wouldn't work for him, him taking a 3 month hiatus was his OUT, gave him a reason to exit the relationship, he most likely was done with the relationship romantically weeks maybe months ago but who wants to be a douchebag, take her investment and run...She's a likeable woman, who wants to lose a good woman/friend from his life, she's loyal, steady, always there for him, I wouldn't want to lose someone like that in my life if it was me but that doesn't mean romance...
Being friendship zoned means I'm just not that into you but your great as a person and as a friend, it's not like he can't warm up again but she has to back off and be a little bit more focused on herself and her life, put herself first before he can actually see her as an equal/romantic partner.
Being friendship zoned means I'm just not that into you but your great as a person and as a friend, it's not like he can't warm up again but she has to back off and be a little bit more focused on herself and her life, put herself first before he can actually see her as an equal/romantic partner.
The bottom line .... she has a business partner to whom she would like to have more, and he isn't interested ... so instead of facing reality, she decided to fabricate a romance.
In the head, this delusion doesn't really hold any fulfillment .... so, she spins the tale in here to get people to play along, so it would make it more real for her.
On occasion, she drifts back to reality .... hence: the reason for this thread = she had to have the relationship end so she could get her head out of the clouds.
Several days later (in this same) thread ... she falls back into the dream and begins to repair the broken threads of the web
In the head, this delusion doesn't really hold any fulfillment .... so, she spins the tale in here to get people to play along, so it would make it more real for her.
On occasion, she drifts back to reality .... hence: the reason for this thread = she had to have the relationship end so she could get her head out of the clouds.
Several days later (in this same) thread ... she falls back into the dream and begins to repair the broken threads of the web
So, it did come out, in a way, I think... and the Virgo's here for the most part appear to have it on the mark in some respects.
My point in the beginning, he doesn't want to stand in the way of my happiness and if I find someone else that's fine, he wants me to be happy. (having considered this for a few days: although I see it as detaching on some level, it really is rather caring)
Anyway, tonight he used an analogy... me as a jockey and he as a race horse: I have first take (a jockey is asked if they want to ride a given horse when it races, if agreed, then that jockey has first take when it comes time for the horse to run). However, if (as the jockey) I choose another horse (man) to ride (date) then he he has the right to find another jockey which may result in me loosing the race (because I made a bad choice among the horses). In the meantime, if he finds another jockey he likes he needs to clear it with me as I have first take (in other words, he'll at least tell me), realizing, by the same token, another jockey selection may result in him loosing the race...
I'm sure someone will be more than happy to put a spin on this *two thumbs up* 😛
My point in the beginning, he doesn't want to stand in the way of my happiness and if I find someone else that's fine, he wants me to be happy. (having considered this for a few days: although I see it as detaching on some level, it really is rather caring)
Anyway, tonight he used an analogy... me as a jockey and he as a race horse: I have first take (a jockey is asked if they want to ride a given horse when it races, if agreed, then that jockey has first take when it comes time for the horse to run). However, if (as the jockey) I choose another horse (man) to ride (date) then he he has the right to find another jockey which may result in me loosing the race (because I made a bad choice among the horses). In the meantime, if he finds another jockey he likes he needs to clear it with me as I have first take (in other words, he'll at least tell me), realizing, by the same token, another jockey selection may result in him loosing the race...
I'm sure someone will be more than happy to put a spin on this *two thumbs up* 😛
btw, thanks everyone for your previous words of support/advice/other 🙂
Posted by tooseriouslol
i can so hear some virgos here saying damn are you sure he is not a capricon should be a capricorn so status and money concisous lol.
His Saturn is in Cap...
meh,I don't know why I bother.
lildol no disrespect but do you know how ridiculous you sound....HE DUMPED YOU and now he's playing all this word salad play with words, I feel for you, I really do, I know were you are, I been were you been and the reality is IT'S OVER for him, now you can play games with your head, you can tell yourself I'm going to stick it out, I'm going to make him love me, I'm going to be there for him till the end but the reality is he's most likely already found a new target, already found someone else and he's attempting to help you ease on away from him with his reputation intact. All this choose another man, you got first take is utter bullshit, there is no first take, there is only him being out and you can play games with your head and let him mindfuck you with words if you want to, it will only serve to hurt you even more when you realize he's moved on to someone else. Pride plays a huge part in this, no one likes to be dumped.
Tiki, I never said he dumped me... and his analogy had to do with me asking when exactly was he leaving 'me' to which he responded he wasn't leaving me and the fact he's going away "analogy".
And a new target? Kind of hard when I have all of his free time, and if I'm not available he gets a little huffy.
He financially can't stay, and I can't support him during down time locally. I control the finances anyway, he may be the business, but I hold the title, the money and the assets.
And a new target? Kind of hard when I have all of his free time, and if I'm not available he gets a little huffy.
He financially can't stay, and I can't support him during down time locally. I control the finances anyway, he may be the business, but I hold the title, the money and the assets.
Oh lord now your twisting words and now you control him financially...your statement all good things must come to an end speaks for itself, he told you he doesn't want a relationship and maybe next year he'll be ready and what part of don't want a relationship/not ready don't you understand?
No matter what anyone says your going to cling and twist things to suit you so you can continue hoping and holding on, it seems that you had this idea that binding yourself financially with him would solidify a commitment and all it did was serve to have the opposite effect, he's being typical and having his cake and eating it too and it's leading you on and misleading, you mistake him spending time with you as meaning something, when realistically it only serves for him to have you and have someone else and if that someone else doesn't work out he still has you around, it's the old age have his cake and eat it too, a virgo (any man for that matter) can't be controlled financially or at all for that matter and definitely won't stay with a woman b/c of a financial agreement....
SMH okay lildol do you...you can't see the forest from the trees, you hear his come here moments but you fail to hear when he says he doesn't want you and that's one of the many reasons why your stuck..your not listening to the male language and only choosing to see and hear what you wanna see and hear.
No matter what anyone says your going to cling and twist things to suit you so you can continue hoping and holding on, it seems that you had this idea that binding yourself financially with him would solidify a commitment and all it did was serve to have the opposite effect, he's being typical and having his cake and eating it too and it's leading you on and misleading, you mistake him spending time with you as meaning something, when realistically it only serves for him to have you and have someone else and if that someone else doesn't work out he still has you around, it's the old age have his cake and eat it too, a virgo (any man for that matter) can't be controlled financially or at all for that matter and definitely won't stay with a woman b/c of a financial agreement....
SMH okay lildol do you...you can't see the forest from the trees, you hear his come here moments but you fail to hear when he says he doesn't want you and that's one of the many reasons why your stuck..your not listening to the male language and only choosing to see and hear what you wanna see and hear.
heh. i totally knew this would happen. he's clearly not into you, girl. men can "open up" without actually caring all that much. but you go on and think he's torturing himself over you. make it more complicated than it is. have fun with that.
"Anyway, tonight he used an analogy... me as a jockey and he as a race horse: I have first take (a jockey is asked if they want to ride a given horse when it races, if agreed, then that jockey has first take when it comes time for the horse to run)."
So VIRGOish Lol
So VIRGOish Lol
When a male says he isn't ready... HE.IS.NOT.READY. When a man verbally states any doubt, you listen and back off. He's going to do nothing and you waiting while he goes on with his life is going to leave you cold, hurt, and empty. Do your own thing. If he keeps in touch, dandy, but don't take it as, "Oh, he wants to get back together. YAY!" show him that you control your life and go have fun. If a virgo wants he, he will try his fucking hardest. When a virgo isn't sure, he will run and collect himself; he had fun with you, but he wasn't sure of anything in the long run. Let him go. He is doing you a huge favor by being honest (for the most part). Don't wait. You have so many other things to do.
@Candeh, Yes, I know when a man says he's not ready, HE'S NOT. And it is not surprising in this case, wife left him last year, took the kids to another state, filed for divorced there and remarried in June of this year. She moved back home and was married in less than a year... I told him my thoughts on that. He is still working through that mess, and sadly, really down on women - at least when he's woman bashing, I get the "except you" (I'm the best of the best as he puts it).
@Tiki, as for the financials, no, that does not hold a man... but, he is a Virgo, I'm sure he wouldn't see it prudent given his money is in my name. Of course, I do have my own reasons for holding all the money and assets and it really has nothing to do with him personally.
I guess what this post really boils down to is I was pushing for some sort of commitment for my own security reasons. And I saw it as the end all be all him saying he likes me immensely, but not wanting a relationship. But, there has been no break in the 'relationship' and he still constantly talks about us/we in a future sense and when he comes home. But, at the same time, he is concerned for my well being and happiness and he expresses this. It will not surprise me if he tells my son to take care of me while he's gone.
@Tiki, as for the financials, no, that does not hold a man... but, he is a Virgo, I'm sure he wouldn't see it prudent given his money is in my name. Of course, I do have my own reasons for holding all the money and assets and it really has nothing to do with him personally.
I guess what this post really boils down to is I was pushing for some sort of commitment for my own security reasons. And I saw it as the end all be all him saying he likes me immensely, but not wanting a relationship. But, there has been no break in the 'relationship' and he still constantly talks about us/we in a future sense and when he comes home. But, at the same time, he is concerned for my well being and happiness and he expresses this. It will not surprise me if he tells my son to take care of me while he's gone.
Seems like every time you add something .. the story changes in some way.
You just met him in June (if he even exists), now you try to make us believe you hold his purse strings ... without a committment.
Sorry, not buying it .. I know Virgos well, and I know for a fact that they are extremely anal about their money, and there's no damn way they would be careless to entrust their finances with someone they don't have a contract with.
Sorry, not buying it .. I know Virgos well, and I know for a fact that they are extremely anal about their money, and there's no damn way they would be careless to entrust their finances with someone they don't have a contract with.
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