Cutting people out of your life

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only virgo (if not any other sign) that does this so readily. When someone hurts me or is simply slipping away without any of our doing, rather than fight for the person, I let them go. I try not to look back and move on with my life; especially with the former.

However, what do you virgos do when you become willing to repair the relationship you have with a person?

While I didn't do this directly, I cut someone out of my life because we hurt me during what relationship we had together, and the last time I spoke to him, it was me telling him how he hurt me, so it didn't end on a very nice note. However, I do not hate this person, I never did. While he wasn't good for me relationship wise, I cherished the moments where we were quite friendly with each other. Anyway, long story short, something good for this person recently came up and I had the desire to congratulate him and talk to him about this new development, but I realized that I had spoken to him in a month and the last time I did, it was very awkward. I'm willing to be his friend, but I'm far too stubborn to repair this when I feel like it should be his job since he was the one who disappeared and didn't put much effort in the first place (which was why I cut him out). There is a part of me that doesn't even feel it's worth the effort, but there is another part of me that doesn't like the fact that he's absent from my life altogether.

Relationships with family, friends, partners, bosses, and so fourth is a bit harder because i always build foundations with people who doesn\'t deserve it because i go against my gut feeling (which I am learning to trust) and i always cut things off. Even though it is wrong to simply take off and tell the person to solve their own problem, it releaves me from years of being a doormat, but i find it my fault to allow them to use me in such a way...ah well.

In other words, don\'t allow somebody who you know for a fact will not change their ways in order to make you feel comfortable. If you feel that this person is draining you physically and mentally then it isn\'t worth it because it will only fall back into the same problem, but i\'ll have to say, \"how bad was this problem?\" is it truly terrible? and ect. Just have to ask yourself this from a third person point of view, and you\'ll find some very good answers.

Is this about the Gemini guy?

When I am willing to repair a relationship. I show more interest in talking, spending time together and I am generally more lenient to their fouls. Such instances are rare though. Only Cancers or very attractive females can get me to want to repair the relationship and then they just let me down again lol

Posted by Cajunspirit
Is this about the Gemini guy?

Oh no, this isn't about the gem. The gem and I are doing quite well in fact; we're taking it one step at a time. This is about the cap I've mentioned before. I realized the other night that if we had been friends and only friends, this probably would have never happened. Again, long story short, the cap and I were fine for the first 3 months or so, but as we got more physical, I turned him down when he asked me to have sex with him a couple of times only because I felt he didn't open up to me enough and I had no idea where we were in our relationship. Not too long before we stopped talking, I found out that the cap was seeing someone else too, but we weren't really official, so I felt it wasn't my place to make a big deal out of it. But he kept coming back to me at the same time. However, I began to pull away, and eventually he just stopped speaking to me. I tried once or twice to casually say hello to him, but I felt like he was blowing me off, and I finally realized that I felt used by the cap the whole time because we were only together when it seemed convenient to him. Well, I heard from the cap about a month ago (and this was like a month after we stopped speaking) and he came back as if nothing had ever happened. When he asked me if I wanted to come visit him (since he came to visit me last time) I told him that I wasn't sure and explained to him that he hurt me for disappearing. The cap tried to turn the whole thing around and said that he had been hurt as well, but I told him if he truly had been, he could have said something. He told me he understood my issues with him and apologized, and that was the last time I spoke to him. Since then, I've moved on, but I haven't been able to completely let him go for reasons I havent been able to understand completely. I never liked leaving it the way I did, but he had to realize that I wasn't someone he could come back to at his convenience.

Also, about the cancers... I agree. For some reason, I' more willing to chase them to the ends of the earth lol.

WOW I didnt know this was a Virgo tendency.

I have done this also just in the past year actually. my BF of 8 years (who is a Cap) broke up with me one day and I had to move out. Thats when I started meeting a bunch of random people. The first was a Libra girl who became my best friend. And I spent like 3 weeks strait with her just hanging out. I posted this story of how i ended it in other forums. but I ended that friendship.

Then my Scorpio who was my best friend of 8 years got all jealous about this guy(Aries) because he was supposed to be HER friend..and not MY friend. (by the way this Scorpio insisted that she was MY best friend, but that I wasn't HER best friend)..anyway..she called me a cunt.. so I ended it right there.

I miss my Scorpio tho...and I wish I knew how to be friends again..but she is scary and im really sure she would just laugh in my face if I ever said I miss her and wanted to be friends again...but then I go back in my memories and remember how ridiculous she was...so im not even sure I want to be her friend.. ***SIGH***

My ex was a Capricorn. They are so..wierd. complicated. he wouldn't talk to me for days and days..and it seemed so easy for him. Then when he would talk to me he acted like nothing happened!! I worked on him pretty good. He worked on me too. VERY SLOWLY. i mean 8 years is a long time. but FINALY now that we have been broken up for a year he came around and started talking to me. I let him. and now hes probably my only and bestest friend EVER. its like we were ment to be really good friends..

but you said you dont like when someone comes along at their convenience...so I dont know what to say..thats just how Capricorns are. At first I saw it the same way you did. but now I realize they are just slow thinkers who like to be alone in there little caves slowly figuring stuff out...and i mean SLLLLOOOOWWWLY..

interesting topic. my virgo bestie and i are not friends anymore. shit went down about 2 weeks ago. the friendship has been strained for a while but lets be real, she's a major cokehead and i couldn't take it anymore. i don't think she realizes that everybody notices. she's "cut out" every close friend she's ever had over the last 5 years but i honestly didn't think she'd go there with me. am i mad at her? no. am i going to initiate conversation/meetings with her? oh. hell. no. could i have contributed more to the friendship? sure, but it went both ways but she only wants me to take the blame. but being around her requires a certain amount of walking on eggshells which wasn't always the case. she's had a lot of tough stuff to deal with over the years too but so have i. her final statement of "i can't believe you. all you had to do was say you'd promise to try harder" made me throw a BITCH PLEASE side eye. at this point im not sure who cut off who, but i know who started the fight. i guess it was a talk we should have had sooner but it didnt require the drama that went down. ugggg i wish i missed her more but i don't.

the stubbornness is another thing. my virgo friend has had a falling out with everyone in our group. one person she actually told me she kinda wanted to be friends with again. i was excited about that but then she continued to be mean to him after she invited him to something via facebook and he didnt show. i guess one of the biggest problems i've learned about her is that she doesn't handle emotions well. she doesn't do sad, depressed, fear or scared. she gets angry. this was always the case with her (even before the drugs) so i know that makes her a bit stubborn about admitting when her feelings have been hurt. dont know if our relationship is repairable but i know that if it is it won't be because she initiated it. i feel that if she 100% believes everything she said to me then there's nothing to fight for nor would i understand why she'd even want to be my friend. tough stuff man.

virgos can be tough as nails. we'll if anything unfolds in like, 3 years lol

Anyway, my question to you is; What is there for you to fear about talking to him once again? Is the reason you're not speaking to him because he hurt you or because of something else that has nothing to do w/ him?

It's a combination of both, sort of. As silly as it may sound, I can't seem to swallow my pride and say something first (although, I did try once before). A part of me feels weak for wanting to try to make things casually work out between us when the last time I spoke to him I told him his actions hurt me and that I didn't think I could go and see him. I'd also feel like a hypocrite, slightly. Also, while I can easily move on if he happens to reject my attempts at friendship, I still don't want to have to deal with it.

I forgot to mention that what really set me off when I last spoke to him is that the third or fourth thing he asked me after seeing how I was holding up, was, "So, have you had sex with anyone yet?" And when I told him no, he replied with, "do you want to?" I really had to bite my tongue, but I told him that I haven't spoken to him in a long time (at least for me) and he went into a spiel about how he had been busy with school, his new job, ect. And when I decided to change to subject to talk about his new job, he eventually went back to asking if I wanted to hang out with him on the weekend. That's when I went off.

Since then, I've gotten over it knowing that the best thing I could have done for myself was telling him no. But I still feel like there is unfinished business. In the end, I know he isn't a bad person; he just made some douchey moves (and I"m not completely innocent here either). I just kind of want to be able to say, "Hi, I like your new haircut. How have you been?" without feeling like it's going to start something.

Geminis are good at dropping people too. Well, I know I am at least.

but you said you dont like when someone comes along at their convenience...so I dont know what to say..thats just how Capricorns are. At first I saw it the same way you did. but now I realize they are just slow thinkers who like to be alone in there little caves slowly figuring stuff out...and i mean SLLLLOOOOWWWLY..

I learned this eventually, and I was okay with it until other things started to unfold. While I don't need attention 24/7 (and I don't necessarily like it), I didn't like feeling that I was someone who he just put off to the side and could come back to when he wanted. I would have been alright with this had we been completely platonic or he at least told me where our relationship was going. I'm not the type to just sit around and wait if I feel I don't have a clear reason too. So over time, it just started to wear me down; and when I didn't hear from him for a month, I just ended it there.

Posted by Candeh15
Again, long story short, the cap and I were fine for the first 3 months or so, but as we got more physical, I turned him down when he asked me to have sex with him a couple of times only because I felt he didn't open up to me enough and I had no idea where we were in our relationship. Not too long before we stopped talking, I found out that the cap was seeing someone else too, but we weren't really official, so I felt it wasn't my place to make a big deal out of it. But he kept coming back to me at the same time.

1. 3 Months is "Get to know you time"
2. He did not open up to you as you would have liked
3. He was seeing others
4. There was no finalised relationship
5. He asked for sex despite the unfinalised relationship while seeing someone else

I think you're pretty justified 🙂

candeh and cajun...

funny enough, cancers are the only ones who are persistent enough....to not let me use my cutting off techniques either...haha. they are just so sweet and persistent those darn cancers!! 🙂

i have to confess though...like cajun, i seem to be a bit more open to wait with people i feel a strong connection with...and sometimes that could be merely physical, why lie. i need way more for relationships of course, but some people are just so close to perfect for me...it is rare so when i see that potential it is hard to let go easily....but not impossible!

anyway, back to the subject, i think you need to figure out if this dude cares for you truly, even as friends...if you would never have sex with him. simple and clear.

some guys can hang in there and stay in touch simply to get some...im being honest here.

so, if you don't want that too...or yet, and all you want from him right now and perhaps ever is just friendship...try to see if this is something he is even interested in minus the sex part. this means, no sexual talks...no instigations towards it and so on. be smart and figure that out because if you are caring for him as a person....it means you would be willing to be a friend at the very least (which is key to any relationship anyways) and i know how we, virgos, can be...so save your devotion and genuine care for someone who deserves that. if she does deserve it at least at the friendship level..then maybe you can spent time thinking about ways to reconnect or make a friendship better, but if all he wants is sex from you...i would say its not worth it. even in the short-term fun...not worth it. i think you, as virgo, would not like it over time anyways...

although we tend to recognize specific physical attributes in those we choose to like/love....we need depth in order to stay and even feel passionately and connected. so think about all that....basically, would he be your friend even if you wouldn't ever have sex? only you will have to figure out the answer to that and/or will see if he even lets you figure that out...and if the mystery its worth it if he doesnt.

truthseeker.

I relate very much to what Sorti posted.
In the past I would try to maintain relationships with people who were already in my life for awhile.
Before I cut someone off I would try really hard to fix all the problems then once there was
no way I could deny their pattern that would be the end. Now I'm learning also to go with my gut
feeling and end things on the first strike instead of analyzing and rationalizing someone's
behavior.
I can also relate to what everyone says about cancers. They just won't go away lol and they're so
sweet and cuddly and mushy.

A suggestion phone answering machine=
Hi I am out and about right now
leave your name and number,
I am making some changes in my life
if I don't get back to you, you are one of them.

Posted by virgodreamz
I relate very much to what Sorti posted.
In the past I would try to maintain relationships with people who were already in my life for awhile.
Before I cut someone off I would try really hard to fix all the problems then once there was
no way I could deny their pattern that would be the end. Now I'm learning also to go with my gut
feeling and end things on the first strike instead of analyzing and rationalizing someone's
behavior.

Its hard to trust the gut because it seems too simple, but i find that it always work. Sometimes I would not trust my gut just to know whether my gut is on topic that the persons a prick or that i have stomach gas, but every time i go against the gut then I always end up let down by losers.

Since you are skeptical about your gut feeling as how i am, you should observe a new encounter's motive on whether they want to be your friend or want to use you. Another method is to know if they are reliable because you can help them so much but if your in a struggle that you can't do yourself, and they are the only people availible, but they seem to have a "song and dance" (excuse) that they can't help you, and this happens every time then they aren't really your friends. Last, I noticed that our type are the ones who are to call people to hang out most often, but if you find yourself doing the calling, and you feel that the person doesn't even bother to call you or email or whateverthefuck then you should just wait one day until they return a call just to know if they think about "you" enough to call for something other than helping them out on their projects. The more you learn to step away from allowing people to use you the much better it is to find people who will actually want to be there for you for your company. 😄

Remember most people who use people without returning the favor in any form are generally people who are useless to themselves.

I can also relate to what everyone says about cancers. They just won't go away lol and they're so
sweet and cuddly and mushy.

click to expand

Cancers are the same thing, I'll cut them out once they start falling behind, but the ones I've known haven't done so because of the influence my sag friends and i gave the

i only cut ppl out if they're unhealthy for me. there has to be a lot of proof for that to happen though. i realize we're all gonna be hurt by those we love now and then. as long as it is done without intent or malice i am forgiving.

i will also leave ppl be and not fight for the relationship if it is obvious that i am doing more harm than good for them. i dated this taurus for a couple of months last summer and he got way too involved too fast. i was open from the beginning about what i wanted but he couldn't handle it. he literally disappeared. i tried to contact him a couple of times but never received a response. i kinda figured out the reason and i realized i had unintentionally hurt him. he felt the need to pull away so i left it at that. it was his birthday yesterday, and i wished him well, still nothing. it's ok though. i miss him (he's freaking hilarious!) but it's for the best on his part. he's got a gf that makes him happy now and that makes me happy too!

I always seem to second guess my gut feeling. My intuition is pretty strong; there are times when I feel something, and even though I try to ignore it, it'll continue to grow until I have no choice but to acknowledge it further. Or it might be that I have a thought about something, and as I investigate it, my gut feeling picks up on something and grows.

For this situation in particular, I did have a gut feeling somewhere towards the middle of our relationship where I felt something wasn't right, or at least something wasn't going to work out. I kept thinking that maybe I should take a step back, but I ignored it because I figured I should "go with the flow" for once.

I have noticed that a lot people, often virgos, will go out of their way to be with someone despite what their gut feeling is telling them. Virgos (and anyone) do not like to be wrong, and the worst feeling in the world is when you are proven to be wrong when you know you had the option to be right. So we will try to fix the problems/ignore the obvious with the hope that we will be right in the end and have our perfect partner.

my head is twirling.........

I've had to cut out so many people out of my life. 2 years ago, I would of said that I was a very open and accepting person. People walked all over me. I toughened up. Now when people try to walk all over me, they quickly figure out (some more quicker than the others) that they are climbing a fucking mountain.

I don't trust people...... people aren't to be trusted. The only ones that you can remotely trust are those who are progressing forward in their own life, and don't feel the necessity to create bullshit with someone else, mainly because they don't have that kind of time.

It still floors me that at 27 years old, how many bitch asses really and truly are out there. But then I think that maybe I'm too guarded for my own good, and that my perception is coming from a pessamistic outlook. Yet, I still see the glass neither half empty nor half full, but more that there is in need of another pour of wine, and that's when I look around me to see who it is that I would enjoy that pour with.

Life isn't just about taking chances..... it's also about making stances. If someone is causing some kind of strife with you or within you, then they need to go.

I've been in two arguments with some of my closests friends recently. One I had to let go because she was totally and utterly manipulating, deceiving, and taking words out of contexts. That's a pieces for you. I'm a very cut and paste kind of person. I take my stances early, and abide by them. I don't flip-flop. And when it comes to the point that you need to go, then guess what's gonna happen—?? And I won't turn back.

The other argument was with my gemini best friend. We've NEVER had an argument, but she was defending the pieces, mainly because pieces has been manipulating her. And she's doing it, knowing full well that gemini is my best friend. I had to set gemini straight. First she tried to play the angle that her feelings were being hurt. I played the angle that I'm not one to carry on with this kind of bullshit, so either shit, or get off the pot. Gemini got my point (she is my best friend after all). Pieces will get the point via gemini..... that will be the point when she will realize how badly she messed up and how hard it will be to apologize and have our friendship returned to the way it was. Shit. Doesn't. Work. Like. That.

i can cut people outta ma life like a drop of a hat i have moon square Pluto ima bit of a loner and prefer ma own company i only have five good friends i can trust depend on and that i love.

but toxic people are never good to be around i avoid them like a plague lol.