Mars.In.Aries
@Mars.In.Aries
16 Years500+ PostsAries
Comments: 0 · Posts: 621 · Topics: 41
Don't think I'll be speaking to Virgo for a while
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*shines nails*
So I was right!?
So I was right!?
Posted by Cajunspirit
*shines nails*
So I was right!?
It's on his part, though...... I'm aware of his player ways, I just didn't expect that he would make a play on me in such a sloppy fashion. I'm not angry or upset. I know better than that. It's the case that a little bit goes a long way..... To me, obviously I was a challenge for him, so he played off that we were good friends, just to get to his point, and that's the part that I'm a bit in a twist over..... I have a sound sense of judgement when it comes to people, but this event is throwing me off, coz now I'm second guessing him.
It comes into play with trust issues.... I will never fool around with him again, but I also think that we shouldn't see each other for a while.
Posted by Mars.In.Aries
To me, obviously I was a challenge for him, so he played off that we were good friends, just to get to his point, and that's the part that I'm a bit in a twist over..... I have a sound sense of judgement when it comes to people, but this event is throwing me off, coz now I'm second guessing him.
So can I say "I told you so"
And you admit I was right now?
So can I say "I told you so"
And you admit I was right now?
Right about what?? That Virgo's fall into the friendship category— Can you please refresh my memory!!!
Posted by CajunspiritPosted by Mars.In.Aries
When my best friend and sister came into town, he made an AMAZING effort. Took us out on the boat all day, went fishing, ate out..... amazing effort, and he co-ordinated it all. I was very impressed, as were my sister and friend.
Let's be honest here... you're an Aries, Masters of the head.
You ladies come with fantastic beauty and lovely hair.
If he's making all this effort, he definitely diggs you.
I'm not as familiar with the high sex appeal, but trust me you make things "hard" for him. Haha.
Recently, he's made small sexual comments towards me, but when I kinda tease him about it, he withdraws back. We tease each other (we're both line cooks) and we always have a great time together. We're on the same wave length. My thing is that if he meets a girl who is easy, he will go for that, rather than pursue what he really wants. But then that leads me to think that maybe we are just friends....... and very good friends at that.
His comments are to test the waters. Virgos start subtle whilst Aries react strong.
So he's gauging you.click to expand
Making me work!!! 😛
Posted by sortilege85
Hahaha, friends.
Sorry hunny, but your dead out of luck, the guy is just going to move on. We don't make friends with ex's, unless that's just me, but once the news is broken don't ever expect to comfort him because once you put him into that "friend zone" your just a regular gal... harsh truth but thats how we roll.
That's why we are considered "COLD HEARTED" and disliked in the romantic field.
Sorti..... We weren't boyfriend/girlfriend. We are very good friends. In fact, he's probably my best guy friend, and I'm probably his best girl friend. Recently he had been making suggestive remarks, and was being flirtacious towards me around his friends and family. It threw me off, because I never thought of him in a romantic way.
I had come on here a week or a bit ago to discuss what was going on from a virgo's point-of-view..... I had said in that thread that I would rather keep the friendship and not move onto the next step because I respect him enough to not take it there. Now I'm confused because he made the moves, I went with it, but where does that put our friendship?? I'm not interested in a romance with him, because I know he's seeking out other girls. Like I said in that thread, my hesitation comes from his want of instant gratification. He will pick up whatever happens to fall in his lap, and that's just not me!!!
Making me work!!! 😛
So..... then my assessment that he's just a player and he's acting on his sexual instinct is correct. Then, it's safe to say that the friendship was a fraud, just another girl, and another way to get want he wants.
Posted by Mars.In.Aries
So..... then my assessment that he's just a player and he's acting on his sexual instinct is correct. Then, it's safe to say that the friendship was a fraud, just another girl, and another way to get want he wants.
Can I get my props now? 😢
Anyways, I would have to be a pig to pull that move on a good friend and risk the friendship. So maybe your player friend is willing to risk your friendship for some action...
My thoughts exactly..... the friendship was a fraud. He calculated that the friendship was worth the risk.... That's a game I don't play.
Now you see why he went under the radar for so long to get your resistance down and it works, gosh that stealth attraction crap works argh LOL, here you are having these la la land ideas about how things should have went down, feeling possibly used, disappointed, upset that you caved in and now you want to save face and run, that's the typical reaction of most women...
His objective to get sex has been played out so naturally he's going to move on for awhile, you leaving provides him with an easy out of an awkward situation, once you reject him he will not allow himself to do the friendship thing with you, why lower his value by being your friend when he clearly holds all the cards now, he has all the power, once a woman has sex with no confirmation of an exclusive committed relationship she has just gave him all the power to choose or reject her, I can understand why you feel the way you feel, you have no leverage anymore.
A suggestion, try a stronger stance, don't do anything, be confident, confidence will get you much further with a player than running away scared angry and trying to get the upperhand by leaving him first. Do you know how many women do this? And it never works LOL, your just scared, annoyed, feeling powerless because he got sex and you got nothing, no real commitment etc, your body is your body, you don't ever have to give that to him again, you caved in without a commitment so now your feeling that you could be potentially played, just distance yourself, be unavailable for a little while, you can't be played if you have no expectations, being okay with whatever happens give you the upperhand, puts you in a stronger position b/c he EXPECTS you to run away, behave like he owe you a relationship b/c you gave him sex, he expects the typical let's be friends/reject him first BS most of us women do, he may try to be nice as to not come off as a complete jerk but he won't cave in and let his other women/dates go b/c you want him to.
As long as you don't make him anymore important than the next guy and don't have "THE TALK" and be confident and not panic he will never be able to lead you were you don't wanna go, you don't have to create drama with the whole I'm not going to be your friend b/c you have tons of other girls around, that's ridiculous and it wasn't like that before the whole fishing date so why go there now, that makes you look weak and desperate.
His objective to get sex has been played out so naturally he's going to move on for awhile, you leaving provides him with an easy out of an awkward situation, once you reject him he will not allow himself to do the friendship thing with you, why lower his value by being your friend when he clearly holds all the cards now, he has all the power, once a woman has sex with no confirmation of an exclusive committed relationship she has just gave him all the power to choose or reject her, I can understand why you feel the way you feel, you have no leverage anymore.
A suggestion, try a stronger stance, don't do anything, be confident, confidence will get you much further with a player than running away scared angry and trying to get the upperhand by leaving him first. Do you know how many women do this? And it never works LOL, your just scared, annoyed, feeling powerless because he got sex and you got nothing, no real commitment etc, your body is your body, you don't ever have to give that to him again, you caved in without a commitment so now your feeling that you could be potentially played, just distance yourself, be unavailable for a little while, you can't be played if you have no expectations, being okay with whatever happens give you the upperhand, puts you in a stronger position b/c he EXPECTS you to run away, behave like he owe you a relationship b/c you gave him sex, he expects the typical let's be friends/reject him first BS most of us women do, he may try to be nice as to not come off as a complete jerk but he won't cave in and let his other women/dates go b/c you want him to.
As long as you don't make him anymore important than the next guy and don't have "THE TALK" and be confident and not panic he will never be able to lead you were you don't wanna go, you don't have to create drama with the whole I'm not going to be your friend b/c you have tons of other girls around, that's ridiculous and it wasn't like that before the whole fishing date so why go there now, that makes you look weak and desperate.
tiki33!!!!
Have we not talked about this already young lady? 😡
I hope you don't ever write a book LOL
Have we not talked about this already young lady? 😡
I hope you don't ever write a book LOL
Tiki..... we fooled around. We didn't have sex. I would never take it that far!!! Ever, unless I was 100% confident. Like we discussed in the other thread.... I was more than understanding what he was like. That's why I never thought of him romantically. My point is that he put the bait on to catch the fish. He's been fighting to get this fish into the boat so that he can have this fish. What he doesn't realize is the magnitude of the fish he just baited. I allowed it to happen, because I was baiting him, to see what he was all about.
I don't care that it happened. I'm not annoyed, angered, or any of that. I'm not a simple bitch. I will tell him what I think, and that he's a fraud, and that will be the end of it. I don't need people like that in my life. It does sadden me, because he was someone that I considered as solid. I'm just going to tell him that he's a cool guy, he's fun to hang around with, had a great time knwing him, but that there are certain things that I won't put up with.
It's fine. I am confident of the situation, because the bottom line is, I won't put myself in a situation without weighing the odds.
This is the thing...... most guys believe they are capable of being players. But they don't have the endurance or the finesse. The biggest players aren't males... it's females. And we are damn good at our game too..... the problem that most guys run into with me is that they can't figure out what direction the game is moving in. I'm in control of that. Just like with Mr. Virgo..... he was flying under the radar, but now he is caught in my trap. Because the game I play is very straight forward..... I don't have to climb ladders just to slide down a snake. I don't go back and forth.... I keep moving forward.
I'm going to tell him how I feel about it, be very direct, tell him that I respect him as a friend, because that is what we will ever be. FRIENDS. Now, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because he has been a very close friend of mine. It's just a matter of re-aligning and walking that straight line again. WE poked interest in each other, and I'm not interested. He just needs to understand that I'm not that girl he can swing around with, because I'm more solid than that, and at this rate, he simply couldn't handle the female I am if he thinks that he can swoop underneath my nose...
I don't care that it happened. I'm not annoyed, angered, or any of that. I'm not a simple bitch. I will tell him what I think, and that he's a fraud, and that will be the end of it. I don't need people like that in my life. It does sadden me, because he was someone that I considered as solid. I'm just going to tell him that he's a cool guy, he's fun to hang around with, had a great time knwing him, but that there are certain things that I won't put up with.
It's fine. I am confident of the situation, because the bottom line is, I won't put myself in a situation without weighing the odds.
This is the thing...... most guys believe they are capable of being players. But they don't have the endurance or the finesse. The biggest players aren't males... it's females. And we are damn good at our game too..... the problem that most guys run into with me is that they can't figure out what direction the game is moving in. I'm in control of that. Just like with Mr. Virgo..... he was flying under the radar, but now he is caught in my trap. Because the game I play is very straight forward..... I don't have to climb ladders just to slide down a snake. I don't go back and forth.... I keep moving forward.
I'm going to tell him how I feel about it, be very direct, tell him that I respect him as a friend, because that is what we will ever be. FRIENDS. Now, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because he has been a very close friend of mine. It's just a matter of re-aligning and walking that straight line again. WE poked interest in each other, and I'm not interested. He just needs to understand that I'm not that girl he can swing around with, because I'm more solid than that, and at this rate, he simply couldn't handle the female I am if he thinks that he can swoop underneath my nose...
Posted by Cajunspirit
tiki33!!!!
Have we not talked about this already young lady? 😡
I hope you don't ever write a book LOL
Book? I'm going to dedicate it to Cajun and the DXP family haha
Mars.In.Aries no offense but what is up with all the talking, you sound like your trying to convince us-yourself-him that you only want to be friends, I mean the talk is not necessary, let it go, move on and don't kiss him anymore, don't do anything with him that you wouldn't do with your other friends, how easy is that....your really creating drama and negative vibes, you don't have to broadcast your every thought and feelings about how you feel, your player skills need some work and trust me he doesn't want to know any way about your feelings, use the forums to complain bitch and moan and spill your feelings, distance yourself for a little while until you can get yourself under control. He's not a fraud, he's a man, he's being himself, he's doing what men do, they chase, they seduce, they woo, they do what we call play games but in reality it's not games to them, your creating him out to be a fraud but you knew going into it what he was about and let's keep it real, friends don't snuggle up in the same bed and they don't kiss so who's really the fraud? Him or you, you may not have knew the details of his ways but you had a good idea about what kind of guy he is, I guess demonizing him makes it easier for you not to like him as anything other than a friend. Hey your not fooling anyone but yourself, if you were sleeping in the same bed with him, hanging out with him, you kissed him even once you had some strong chemistry and feelings lurking around. No offense you seem bitter, maybe there is more to the story.
Posted by sortilege85
I read what you have written tiki. It makes me laugh because no matter how hard a woman wants to follow this... they dont. They always go for douchebags and players. Yet, guys like us who aren't much of those types well...learn that being aggressive captures the good girls 😉
The Sickening Irony of life.
Posted by sortilege85
I read what you have written tiki. It makes me laugh because no matter how hard a woman wants to follow this... they dont. They always go for douchebags and players. Yet, guys like us who aren't much of those types well...learn that being aggressive captures the good girls 😉
Yep your right, I totally agree
Posted by sortilege85Posted by Cajunspirit
The Sickening Irony of life.
Cajun, if you think about it...remember the discovery channel when animals were in the time of mating season and the one who always won were the strong... If you put your intellegence and show your macho bravado to the lady's they will come. Just stay true, and walk like if life doesn't matter and BAM! they'll be all over you man...trust me. Then you can choose who can stay or go.click to expand
Shakes fist...dayum dayum dayum LOL
but it's true
Posted by sortilege85
The Sickening Irony of life.
Cajun, if you think about it...remember the discovery channel when animals were in the time of mating season and the one who always won were the strong... If you put your intellegence and show your macho bravado to the lady's they will come. Just stay true, and walk like if life doesn't matter and BAM! they'll be all over you man...trust me. Then you can choose who can stay or go.click to expand
That's the thing. Most men who walk around with all the macho and bravado don't know hot to treat a woman. They are all show and no substance.
Yet the one's with substance get relegated to the friend zone for their stability.
Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do - fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.
Richard J. Needham
Posted by sortilege85
Hahaha tiki you and i are on the same page hahaa.... Man i should be a damn pimp by now in a purple suite, yellow grills, high heels and fluffy red purple hat with a gotee or married... ='(
LMAO@Purple suit...Oh no not the suit
Get married? Isn't that against the pimp code?
Posted by sortilege85
Well i'm a musician and every time i play my guitar I loose focus of everything around me for that soul feeling whenever i get deeply involved with a specific sound. I just loose myself in that tender feeling of sound, like the song "Europa" by santana where everything is sweet and soft... or if this helps you, whenever somebody cries on your shoulder and all you do is give'em sympathy and a hug along with comforting words then you buy them a gift that they can enjoy so they can loose their sorrow and return you with a simple smile... maybe but i dont know we are all different and we all believe different. I just wanted to help buddoh! 😄
I believe I do show compassion. It makes me feel weak and pathetic, but I show it...
Posted by sortilege85
Yet, in order to make somebody happy you have to break from the habit, and you realize how much more happier you actually become along with whoever you doing this with whether it's a lover, friend, brother, sister, mother, father or anyone you are close with.
Well it's only been my first year of acknowledging, feeling and expressing emotion. So I know there's much more to learn.
Posted by sortilege85
Don't think your going to remain a robot.
Being a robot makes life so much more simple 🙂
Posted by seavixen
Being compassionate has nothing to do with being weak. "Do unto others as you would has others do unto you." Walking in someone elses shoes, trying to see how others feel by putting yourself in their place. Sometimes just taking the time to listen, a smile, a hug, a shoulder pat,...trying your best to identify with someone...
I do all these things and more.
What is love then?
Posted by seavixen
hmmm, I would describe love is having intense feelings, emotions, or affection for someone/something. It's hard to explain because you can "love" a particular food for instance, like I do with Pizza
Alright, this is getting good.
What is the difference between love and lust?
essentially be a girl...you know what women do with men that have feelings, emotions etc etc, let's be friends LOL
Posted by CajunspiritPosted by seavixen
hmmm, I would describe love is having intense feelings, emotions, or affection for someone/something. It's hard to explain because you can "love" a particular food for instance, like I do with Pizza
Alright, this is getting good.
What is the difference between love and lust?click to expand
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
The dictionary definition of lust is "1) intense or unrestrained sexual craving, or 2) an overwhelming desire or craving." Lust has as its focus pleasing oneself, and it often leads to unwholesome actions to fulfill one's desires with no regard to the consequences. Lust is about possession and greed.
one is selfish the other is not
tiki33, it pleases me to see you quote the Bible 🙂
All these emotions are difficult to single out, often time they overlap each other... ugh...
All these emotions are difficult to single out, often time they overlap each other... ugh...
Posted by seavixen
these definitions are intertwined, with minute details that differentiate them...getting hard to articulate some
I totally agree
Posted by Cajunspirit
tiki33, it pleases me to see you quote the Bible 🙂
All these emotions are difficult to single out, often time they overlap each other... ugh...
I am not a bible thumper but I find comfort in some of beautiful qoutes in the bible....I remember reading a book called Conversations With God by Neil Donald Walsh (I don't think I spelled his name right) but he says anger, jealousy, envy, pride basically every emotion together forms REAL authentic love, one has to experience each emotion to understand what love is, the soul attempts to FEEL each emotion so the soul can know itself through each emotion and re-member who it really is. The sum of the parts equal the whole
Sorry if I confuse anyone, the book is really deep...
Posted by tiki33
I remember reading a book called Conversations With God by Neil Donald Walsh (I don't think I spelled his name right) but he says anger, jealousy, envy, pride basically every emotion together forms REAL authentic love, one has to experience each emotion to understand what love is
Posted by Sekhmet
Sometimes it's not so much that emotions overlap, it's that they're on a contiuum that we each experience uniquely. What one person thinks is love might be overwhelming to one person, or barely noticable by another.
click to expand
Well try to imagine it as an emotionally inept baby. This is what Virgos go through...
Complete confusion...
Expectations ..... so long as you have them, all your potentional relationships will turn out similar to this regardless of his sun sign.
Next time, try accepting him for exaclty what/who he is, instead of trying to build a relationship with him based off of what you want him to be.
Thus far, all I see in you is being a head-game player ..... you've taken a person and tried to get him to regard you according to what you want of him (an expectation) and when he could only give you of him according to who/what he is, you then tell him he has been lowered in status in your eyes.
Alls he was ever meant to be was a friend ... looks like your expectations fucked that up, now you don't even have that.
Great job, dumbass.
Next time, try accepting him for exaclty what/who he is, instead of trying to build a relationship with him based off of what you want him to be.
Thus far, all I see in you is being a head-game player ..... you've taken a person and tried to get him to regard you according to what you want of him (an expectation) and when he could only give you of him according to who/what he is, you then tell him he has been lowered in status in your eyes.
Alls he was ever meant to be was a friend ... looks like your expectations fucked that up, now you don't even have that.
Great job, dumbass.
Posted by sortilege85
All the above statements are great. Just remember cajun, "The greatest of relationships are based on the terrible ones before them."
Hahahaha, of all the ways for me to learn this lesson. It was in a 50cent song...
"Pleasure would not be so good, if it was not for pain"
Truly an eye opening realisation that was for me.
Posted by BelleTheScorpio
I wrote this one time when I was trying to figure out exactly what it was I was feeling for my Virgo friend.
What is love?
It is an ache that reaches your depths, a longing for something that you can't quite define. It is the most sensuous of feelings, caressing, opening, expanding. You feel the beauty and wonder expanding within you, and yet underlying that, the ache, the longing, remains and expands with the beauty of it. In love you lose yourself, and yet somehow you find yourself. It is to gaze upon the one you love and realize the perfection of imperfection. It is total surrender to the one you love, allowing yourself to become vulnerable and somehow finding safety in that vulnerability. It is to look into the eyes of another and say so much, without uttering a word. It is breathlessness and heart-stopping mindlessness. And at the same time it is heart-pounding raw energy that courses through every cell of your body. It is a tear that falls unheeded, and a smile that goes unseen. It is you experiencing yourself through another.click to expand
Interesting this surrender thing, I agree with your definition.
However, the Scorpio women who I knew wanted me to surrender to them without them surrendering to me... fascinating no?
Posted by tiki33
Mars.In.Aries no offense but what is up with all the talking, you sound like your trying to convince us-yourself-him that you only want to be friends, I mean the talk is not necessary, let it go, move on and don't kiss him anymore, don't do anything with him that you wouldn't do with your other friends, how easy is that....your really creating drama and negative vibes, you don't have to broadcast your every thought and feelings about how you feel, your player skills need some work and trust me he doesn't want to know any way about your feelings, use the forums to complain bitch and moan and spill your feelings, distance yourself for a little while until you can get yourself under control. He's not a fraud, he's a man, he's being himself, he's doing what men do, they chase, they seduce, they woo, they do what we call play games but in reality it's not games to them, your creating him out to be a fraud but you knew going into it what he was about and let's keep it real, friends don't snuggle up in the same bed and they don't kiss so who's really the fraud? Him or you, you may not have knew the details of his ways but you had a good idea about what kind of guy he is, I guess demonizing him makes it easier for you not to like him as anything other than a friend. Hey your not fooling anyone but yourself, if you were sleeping in the same bed with him, hanging out with him, you kissed him even once you had some strong chemistry and feelings lurking around. No offense you seem bitter, maybe there is more to the story.
I understand what you are saying tiki, but the bottom line is that I'm not a simple bitch. Guys will be guys, whatever. I take that as an excuse for their behavior. I expect better, and any guy that is with me, will behave better. If they don't like it, then they can go off and play the field.... It's like when a girl acts like a bitch. Do you accept it because she's a female— Or is it that she's just really a bitch— I think that's too much of a simple excuse....
As for Mr. Virgo... I don't regret anything. I didn;t realize I was coming off as bitter... I was merely explaining how I was feeling. As for the 'Talk", I think that it's always nessassary.... It's for clarity's sake. I'm glad I had that talk with him, becuase it cleared the air....
I may not have been conventional in my approach, but it's the only way for me to know that
Posted by Sekhmet
Sounds like a patient virgo would do well with a Cancer who is expressive, yet can also be analytical about emotions. Bridge the gap, in a way.
Fixed it for ya 😛
"I understand what you are saying tiki, but the bottom line is that I'm not a simple bitch. Guys will be guys, whatever. I take that as an excuse for their behavior. I expect better, and any guy that is with me, will behave better. If they don't like it, then they can go off and play the field.... It's like when a girl acts like a bitch. Do you accept it because she's a female— Or is it that she's just really a bitch— I think that's too much of a simple excuse....
As for Mr. Virgo... I don't regret anything. I didn;t realize I was coming off as bitter... I was merely explaining how I was feeling. As for the 'Talk", I think that it's always nessassary.... It's for clarity's sake. I'm glad I had that talk with him, becuase it cleared the air....
I may not have been conventional in my approach, but it's the only way for me to know that"
Okay this is getting weird, you knew from your own words he was a player and now he's not supposed to be one when he is around you...WTF? Makes no sense and now you have to have the elusive get you nowhere talk. It's not about accept it because he's a male, some women feel they can play with a playa and not get feel or get burned, NOT POSSIBLE, you played and you feel played, that's part of the game. Although I may have exposed part of his game you already KNEW he was what he is now it's a huge problem. He doesn't need clarity, YOU DO. I'm sure he didn't hear you and just pretended to understand, hell I'm confused by your behavior so I'm sure he is.
Typical girl plays with a player and can't stand the heat, tries to control the situation but truly can't...can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen
As for Mr. Virgo... I don't regret anything. I didn;t realize I was coming off as bitter... I was merely explaining how I was feeling. As for the 'Talk", I think that it's always nessassary.... It's for clarity's sake. I'm glad I had that talk with him, becuase it cleared the air....
I may not have been conventional in my approach, but it's the only way for me to know that"
Okay this is getting weird, you knew from your own words he was a player and now he's not supposed to be one when he is around you...WTF? Makes no sense and now you have to have the elusive get you nowhere talk. It's not about accept it because he's a male, some women feel they can play with a playa and not get feel or get burned, NOT POSSIBLE, you played and you feel played, that's part of the game. Although I may have exposed part of his game you already KNEW he was what he is now it's a huge problem. He doesn't need clarity, YOU DO. I'm sure he didn't hear you and just pretended to understand, hell I'm confused by your behavior so I'm sure he is.
Typical girl plays with a player and can't stand the heat, tries to control the situation but truly can't...can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen
Posted by Cajunspirit
That's the thing. Most men who walk around with all the macho and bravado don't know hot to treat a woman. They are all show and no substance.
Yet the one's with substance get relegated to the friend zone for their stability.
you know, men do the same thing. i stopped counting all the guys who've cried on my shoulder over some girl who was too into herself to give them the time of day, who used them, all that. the same guys who gave me crap for dating jerks. who just refused to understand when i told them it was because the jerks asked me out and i was lonely (because staying home on a friday night when the guy i like is off spending a couple hundred bucks taking out a girl who won't even kiss him, even though some other guy is gonna come over and fuck her brains out as soon as her date drops her off.) it gets old. you have to take your mind off it. and the bad boys are always around for that.
and after a while, if a guy doesn't make a move, you've got to relegate him to the "friend zone" or else it just hurts too much to be around him. especially when he spends all his time whining about somebody better than you.
if i've been there, i think it's probably very likely that other girls have too.
it seems like nice guys always like greedy whores, and after a while, it's easy to assume that no matter what they might say, they absolutely love it.
Posted by curious visitor
and after a while, if a guy doesn't make a move, you've got to relegate him to the "friend zone" or else it just hurts too much to be around him. especially when he spends all his time whining about somebody better than you.click to expand
Well, I suppose your account is sound. However, you don't hear about it as much.
I have always been friend zoned while I was single and complaining about no other woman.
Posted by CajunspiritPosted by curious visitor
and after a while, if a guy doesn't make a move, you've got to relegate him to the "friend zone" or else it just hurts too much to be around him. especially when he spends all his time whining about somebody better than you.
Well, I suppose your account is sound. However, you don't hear about it as much.
I have always been friend zoned while I was single and complaining about no other woman.click to expand
what do you mean? not complaining about another woman? huh?
well, even if a guy isn't complaining about somebody else, it's the fact that he isn't doing anything about ME. society has laid things out a certain way, where the man pursues the woman. if a guy isn't pursuing me, i assume he isn't interested in me. if he's complaining about how there aren't any nice girls out there, i assume he isn't interested in me. if he's complaining about getting hurt by a girl who's nothing like me, i assume that i'm not his type anyways.
and no, you don't hear it as much. "nice guys" are too busy bitching and coming up with all sorts of bizarre theories about alpha males and friendzones and ladder theory and all that bullshit to realize that sometimes the important thing is to actually ask girls out and make them feel like you're into them. if you treat someone like she's "just a friend" she's going to assume that that's what you want from her, and will define you as such simply because it's so much easier to do that than to carry a torch for a guy who isn't interested. and besides, how many girls want to admit that they can't find a date? it's supposed to be easy for us. but it isn't. because guys are fucking nuts.
all the "nice guys" i've known usually need a girl to ask them out or to spoonfeed them so much attention that they eventually ask the girl out themselves. unfortunately, if a girl is that bold, she's probably that bold in general and is probably the kind of girl who will use a guy, cheat, upgrade to somebody who has more to offer. then they complain about how girls don't like nice guys. but plenty of girls do.
you've got to take the good with the bad. a nice girl takes more work to make her feel comfortable with you. a fun girl takes more work to make sure she isn't finding comfort elsewhere too. nice girls can become fun once
Posted by curious visitor
well, even if a guy isn't complaining about somebody else, it's the fact that he isn't doing anything about ME. society has laid things out a certain way, where the man pursues the woman. if a guy isn't pursuing me, i assume he isn't interested in me. if he's complaining about how there aren't any nice girls out there, i assume he isn't interested in me. if he's complaining about getting hurt by a girl who's nothing like me, i assume that i'm not his type anyways.
Virgos like to get to know women first. We need to evaluate your tastes and personality.
Don't you think that is a better way to do things?
Women love to be chased from the get go all hot and sweaty, but all that takes a toll on the person.
Then to be rejected is incredibly devastating for a Virgo. We will overanalyse our rejection and go into a deep depression...
and no, you don't hear it as much. "nice guys" are too busy bitching and coming up with all sorts of bizarre theories about alpha males and friendzones and ladder theory and all that bullshit to realize that sometimes the important thing is to actually ask girls out and make them feel like you're into them. if you treat someone like she's "just a friend" she's going to assume that that's what you want from her, and will define you as such simply because it's so much easier to do that than to carry a torch for a guy who isn't interested. and besides, how many girls want to admit that they can't find a date? it's supposed to be easy for us. but it isn't. because guys are fucking nuts.
It is terribly interesting to hear this from a woman... I can relate.
all the "nice guys" i've known usually need a girl to ask them out or to spoonfeed them so much attention that they eventually ask the girl out themselves. unfortunately, if a girl is that bold, she's probably that bold in general and is probably the kind of girl who will use a guy, cheat, upgrade to somebody who has more to offer. then they complain about how girls don't like nice guys. but plenty of girls do.click to expand
Nice guys typically lack confidence.
Look at me, as soon as I show confidence I am labeled a "player" or "ladies man".
It's so darned complex.
Posted by Hypnotic—
LoL..
why do "nice people" always try to fix people who are messed up ?
why do guys complain so much (especially when you had an idea how things were going to turn out) ?
why are you always understanding and available ?
it's easier to blame the bitch/marker for taking advantage of the situation..
when you are the ones allowing that to happen..
doesn't a victim have his/her share of responsibility ??
(people love drama..)
::shrug::
great post, totally agree
"you know, men do the same thing. i stopped counting all the guys who've cried on my shoulder over some girl who was too into herself to give them the time of day, who used them, all that. the same guys who gave me crap for dating jerks. who just refused to understand when i told them it was because the jerks asked me out and i was lonely (because staying home on a friday night when the guy i like is off spending a couple hundred bucks taking out a girl who won't even kiss him, even though some other guy is gonna come over and fuck her brains out as soon as her date drops her off.) it gets old. you have to take your mind off it. and the bad boys are always around for that.
and after a while, if a guy doesn't make a move, you've got to relegate him to the "friend zone" or else it just hurts too much to be around him. especially when he spends all his time whining about somebody better than you.
it seems like nice guys always like greedy whores, and after a while, it's easy to assume that no matter what they might say, they absolutely love it."
Most women have been there, letting a man cry on her shoulder, but it's a womans responsibility to HERSELF to not be a man's stepping stone, don't let men cry on your shoulders, don't let them see you as anything but a desirable catch that isn't interested in hearing his dayum problems, don't be a friend when you truly want to be the woman he adores, there is a distinct difference between the women men cry over and the women they don't cry over, you don't have to be a dirty whore to get the same kind of men, men can't help what they are attracted to.
It's not that men aren't attracted to you, it's that you are positioning yourself in such a weak position his subconscious attraction associates you with being too safe, motherly, matronly and no man is attracted to that, try being a nice bitch, not a mean dirty whore type bitch but a woman that doesn't have time to sit up holding his dayum hand being his stepping stone until the next girl shows up.
There is a way around it but you have to be willing to learn what that attraction factor is. It's a maturity process most women aren't willing to go through to see past her blindspots to get the man she wants, you don't have sit there waiting for a man to choose you. We have to look how our behaviors encourage and enable the things we say we don't won't before we can fix it.
I'm not saying you specifically but maybe it is you, I don't know
and after a while, if a guy doesn't make a move, you've got to relegate him to the "friend zone" or else it just hurts too much to be around him. especially when he spends all his time whining about somebody better than you.
it seems like nice guys always like greedy whores, and after a while, it's easy to assume that no matter what they might say, they absolutely love it."
Most women have been there, letting a man cry on her shoulder, but it's a womans responsibility to HERSELF to not be a man's stepping stone, don't let men cry on your shoulders, don't let them see you as anything but a desirable catch that isn't interested in hearing his dayum problems, don't be a friend when you truly want to be the woman he adores, there is a distinct difference between the women men cry over and the women they don't cry over, you don't have to be a dirty whore to get the same kind of men, men can't help what they are attracted to.
It's not that men aren't attracted to you, it's that you are positioning yourself in such a weak position his subconscious attraction associates you with being too safe, motherly, matronly and no man is attracted to that, try being a nice bitch, not a mean dirty whore type bitch but a woman that doesn't have time to sit up holding his dayum hand being his stepping stone until the next girl shows up.
There is a way around it but you have to be willing to learn what that attraction factor is. It's a maturity process most women aren't willing to go through to see past her blindspots to get the man she wants, you don't have sit there waiting for a man to choose you. We have to look how our behaviors encourage and enable the things we say we don't won't before we can fix it.
I'm not saying you specifically but maybe it is you, I don't know
Posted by P-Angel
Expectations ..... so long as you have them, all your potentional relationships will turn out similar to this regardless of his sun sign.
Next time, try accepting him for exaclty what/who he is, instead of trying to build a relationship with him based off of what you want him to be.
Thus far, all I see in you is being a head-game player ..... you've taken a person and tried to get him to regard you according to what you want of him (an expectation) and when he could only give you of him according to who/what he is, you then tell him he has been lowered in status in your eyes.
Alls he was ever meant to be was a friend ... looks like your expectations fucked that up, now you don't even have that.
Great job, dumbass.
I would agree with you if this were actually the case. The fact is, I do accept him as he is. My question is why would he want to smear that line of friendship. I'm questioning his motives.
I'm not a game player, but I keep people at bay. When someone is playing a game with me, I can be pretty witty about switching things up and taking control. It's very difficult for me to allow someone in. I didn't have any expectation from him personally. My expectation is applied to any guy who tries to court me..... If you want to enter into that area, then you are going to be faced with challenges. I'm traditional like that.
We are very good friends..... that's why we've been able to talk. He expressed having feelings for me, and I expressed my concerns. It's something that we can work with each other. I think his biggest challenge is for me to stop shedding the friend spotlight on him, and he is trying to showcase that.
This is a re-occurring problem for me. Guys want to mold me because I'm unconventional. I'm fiery, independent, and roll with the punches. I also understand more than what I give off, and they are attracted to the mystery. It's usually them that place expectations on me because of how I am.
Around my guy friends, I don't hold back. But if I'm seeing someone, there are rules and regulations. I don't see that being a dumbass at all.....
Okay this is getting weird, you knew from your own words he was a player and now he's not supposed to be one when he is around you...WTF? Makes no sense and now you have to have the elusive get you nowhere talk. It's not about accept it because he's a male, some women feel they can play with a playa and not get feel or get burned, NOT POSSIBLE, you played and you feel played, that's part of the game. Although I may have exposed part of his game you already KNEW he was what he is now it's a huge problem. He doesn't need clarity, YOU DO. I'm sure he didn't hear you and just pretended to understand, hell I'm confused by your behavior so I'm sure he is.
Typical girl plays with a player and can't stand the heat, tries to control the situation but truly can't...can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen
I've never denied his player tactics, tiki. That has always been number one concern for me. My question has always been why he would want to switch from being good friends, which we are solid and stable, to entering a whole different realm of relationship status that comes with unstable grounds. I would rather not enter that realm because he means that much to me as a friend. I want him around. If we do proceed, and say we break up, then I will risk losing him as a friend. I respect him more than that, so I guess his actions have really side swiped me and confused me.
As far as the elusive talk, I'm a communicator. I discuss things rather than hide in secret. I don't have secret motives, and from our discussion, we were both able to clarify things. Clarity is always a good thing.
I'm sorry.... you may treat men this way and allow them to get away with their behavior, but I'm not that type of girl. As for the kitchen heat.... I am a line cook. I am the only female on the line, and I deal with male behavior as a job requirement. I'm more than aware of how guys are, just from listening to the guys talk. But I also know that once they find that girl that puts them on their toes, they think about their actions. I've had many discussions with the guys about girl vs. guy behavior. It's a pity that you paint males in this color, because there is more to them than what you claim there is.
I think it's a cultural thing.... women are suppose to be a service to men. This is a historical portrait of women too. We are to accept their manly ways, and we are to play the feeble females that is searching for our knight in armor.
But
Hmmm this isn't a male v female conversation, you don't seem to grasp some dynamics about men that is why your asking why he would he would want to switch from being good friends, I know the answer to why he would attempt to go from friends to lovers but it seems anything I say you oppose, I give you information to help you better understand an issue and then you seem to slightly disagree which is perfectly fine but I won't waste my time feeding you information that could potentially help you only for you to bite the hand that feeds you. You seem to have this idea stuck in your head that what you want should be his wants, it doesn't work like that, you seem to feel and think that he should feel and think the same way as you regarding what he should and shouldn't be doing as a friend, very controlling attitude.
I'm not here to debate male v female, I stand by what I said, you play with fire you get burned, you are equally playing games when you go along with the game, you have yet to say why you allowed yourself to be intimate with your friend, you have a valid question about him but why don't you sit down and answer why YOU were going along with it. My point being is that you can point at him all day about what he's doing but maybe you should step back and look at your own behavior, players play PERIOD, yet you proceeded to do things that most women would not do with a man that she considered a friend okay so he lacks boundaries but it seems you had the same lack of boundaries that got you into hot water, as much as you want to divert this into male v females I'm going to stick with the issue at hand, he only did what you allowed him to do.
I'm not here to debate male v female, I stand by what I said, you play with fire you get burned, you are equally playing games when you go along with the game, you have yet to say why you allowed yourself to be intimate with your friend, you have a valid question about him but why don't you sit down and answer why YOU were going along with it. My point being is that you can point at him all day about what he's doing but maybe you should step back and look at your own behavior, players play PERIOD, yet you proceeded to do things that most women would not do with a man that she considered a friend okay so he lacks boundaries but it seems you had the same lack of boundaries that got you into hot water, as much as you want to divert this into male v females I'm going to stick with the issue at hand, he only did what you allowed him to do.
Posted by Cajunspirit
Virgos like to get to know women first. We need to evaluate your tastes and personality.
Don't you think that is a better way to do things?
Women love to be chased from the get go all hot and sweaty, but all that takes a toll on the person.
Then to be rejected is incredibly devastating for a Virgo. We will overanalyse our rejection and go into a deep depression...
all the "nice guys" i've known usually need a girl to ask them out or to spoonfeed them so much attention that they eventually ask the girl out themselves. unfortunately, if a girl is that bold, she's probably that bold in general and is probably the kind of girl who will use a guy, cheat, upgrade to somebody who has more to offer. then they complain about how girls don't like nice guys. but plenty of girls do.
Nice guys typically lack confidence.
Look at me, as soon as I show confidence I am labeled a "player" or "ladies man".
It's so darned complex.click to expand
1st part...i totally understand getting to know somebody. but you can do that by dating them. i don't understand when people act like dating somebody is so serious. some huge step. a commitment. it's not. it's just about getting to know somebody.
i don't know how many people are like me in this regard, but i'm sooooo different to people i date vs people i'm friends with. however much i care about my friends, i don't open up to them. i've learned the hard way that if a guy likes me as a friend, we just wouldn't be compatible dating. and if i'd be compatible dating somebody, we probably wouldn't get along very well as friends anyhow. i can't be friends first. it's never worked. dating slowly and getting to know somebody before getting into a commited relationship is what i like. it's like being friends, only you know the other person doesn't just see you as a friend. and with kissing (i don't get physical with friends at all. ever.)
i don't like being pursued "all hot and sweaty". it freaks me out. guys who start off strong usually freak out after a week and disappear. i just like to know a guy is into me. if i like him, i'm all nervous and scared to say the wrong thing. i'm trying to paint myself as someone he'll like, so i can win him over. if i know already he likes me, i can just relax and be myself. it's soooo much easier.
2nd part...i totally understand the lack of confidence. you don't have to
2nd part...i totally understand the lack of confidence. you don't have to act confident. you can let her know that you're nervous. if she likes you, she's probably nervous too. and it can be pretty flattering to know that a guy is nervous. if a girl likes guys who are cocky, she might like the act, she won't like you anymore once you trust her enough to open up and show her your soft side. so why waste time on girls you have to be fake with?
or wait, are you saying that you are confident and get seen as a ladies man because of it? well, the nature of a player is to not care whether a girl reject him or not. he's just playing a numbers game. and a lot of girls are turned off by that. i mean, why should i go out with a guy who doesn't give a shit whether i like him or not? i won't. if a guy comes off like he might give me the time of day if i work for it, well, i don't want his time. even if you don't care, you've got to seem like you care.
or wait, are you saying that you are confident and get seen as a ladies man because of it? well, the nature of a player is to not care whether a girl reject him or not. he's just playing a numbers game. and a lot of girls are turned off by that. i mean, why should i go out with a guy who doesn't give a shit whether i like him or not? i won't. if a guy comes off like he might give me the time of day if i work for it, well, i don't want his time. even if you don't care, you've got to seem like you care.
Posted by tiki33
Most women have been there, letting a man cry on her shoulder, but it's a womans responsibility to HERSELF to not be a man's stepping stone, don't let men cry on your shoulders, don't let them see you as anything but a desirable catch that isn't interested in hearing his dayum problems, don't be a friend when you truly want to be the woman he adores, there is a distinct difference between the women men cry over and the women they don't cry over, you don't have to be a dirty whore to get the same kind of men, men can't help what they are attracted to.
It's not that men aren't attracted to you, it's that you are positioning yourself in such a weak position his subconscious attraction associates you with being too safe, motherly, matronly and no man is attracted to that, try being a nice bitch, not a mean dirty whore type bitch but a woman that doesn't have time to sit up holding his dayum hand being his stepping stone until the next girl shows up.
I'm not saying you specifically but maybe it is you, I don't know
in the past, it was me. but i definitely learned from my mistakes. now i only let guys cry on my shoulder if i only see them as a friend. but it still bugs me that they refuse to open their eyes. like, obviously if you always date the same kinds of girls and things always go like this, you either need to accept that you like it this way or try dating a different type of girl. it's like, dude, just admit that girls who are fucked up whores on roxies are your type. stop pretending that it bothers you. if it really bothered you, you'd start dating normal girls.
a lot of guys have this virgin whore complex and think that if a girl isn't a total fuck up, she must be a prude. or that if a girl doesn't throw herself at him, she must just not be interested in him. then there's the guys who think that if a girl isn't pure as newfallen snow, she's a fallen woman. that if she is even willing to have sex at all, she must be willing to cheat on him with all his friends. some guys have issues.
once i figured that out, i learned that what guys say they like isn't what they really do like. and i've learned how to tell which guys are nutjobs.
Posted by Jason2213...too safe, motherly, matronly and no man is attracted to that...
I actually find those qualities arousing. 😛
click to expand
Awww how cute LOL
When you turn 25 and deal with women that want to tie you down not because she likes you and loves you but because her hormones wants to cling to you and nest with you to have babies and get married, she wants to be nice to you in hopes you will give her a relationship, I'm sure you won't find it so attractive especially if your not interested in settling down with anyone.
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