ponytail
@ponytail
17 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 32 · Topics: 5
he loves me but...
I show sympathy and console him and try to be a good friend.
Last week (he's still out of town) we have an online conversation and start making plans too meet after new year. He also seems happier and content and tells me he is making moves to go back to work and put his life in order. he says he will quit smoking before we meet (i told him before i hate smokers), he will continue his higher education and will be practicing more on his composing skills. I encourage him all the time and say I am happy for him.
Then 3 days ago, following his another joke about love and marriage, I feel overwhelmed with thoughts of him and text him asking a favor. He says "anything" and I tell him to trust me completely because whatever we are doing, I want it to be long term. he gets quiet and sends me a smiley. At that night, we text each other again and open up. We text each other i love u and discuss our feelings till dawn. It is almost fantastic and exciting and he seems so caught up. But he keeps asking me why do i love him and say that he is not worth and from time to time shows signs of jeaolusy. This continues the next day, we talk on the phone and he says he loves me and calls me babe, love, etc.
The scond night he's out and i text him jokingly asking if he has gotten his gf's permit to go out with boys. We get into a very funny cnversation, a very playful one which we exchange very smart and finely tuned jokes. He appears he's having the fun of his life and at one point, he starts talking about his plans and how he will work and save money etc. I joke him he need to if he want to get married and he also need to buy a house etc. He gets serious and tells me he would never be able to afford it and we talk about whether a couple need a home or not and how to raise kids etc. (By the way, I have a profession with a high earning potential and he seems he feels a little bit uncomfortable about that). At the end he says he is tied and does not want to talk. ?? say ok. After an hour, he texts me and says that we are incompatible and asks me if I want to stay friends instead. I ask him if he leaves the decision to me, then I will not leave at this point and I am for the long haul and except our differences I believe we can work things out.
Last week (he's still out of town) we have an online conversation and start making plans too meet after new year. He also seems happier and content and tells me he is making moves to go back to work and put his life in order. he says he will quit smoking before we meet (i told him before i hate smokers), he will continue his higher education and will be practicing more on his composing skills. I encourage him all the time and say I am happy for him.
Then 3 days ago, following his another joke about love and marriage, I feel overwhelmed with thoughts of him and text him asking a favor. He says "anything" and I tell him to trust me completely because whatever we are doing, I want it to be long term. he gets quiet and sends me a smiley. At that night, we text each other again and open up. We text each other i love u and discuss our feelings till dawn. It is almost fantastic and exciting and he seems so caught up. But he keeps asking me why do i love him and say that he is not worth and from time to time shows signs of jeaolusy. This continues the next day, we talk on the phone and he says he loves me and calls me babe, love, etc.
The scond night he's out and i text him jokingly asking if he has gotten his gf's permit to go out with boys. We get into a very funny cnversation, a very playful one which we exchange very smart and finely tuned jokes. He appears he's having the fun of his life and at one point, he starts talking about his plans and how he will work and save money etc. I joke him he need to if he want to get married and he also need to buy a house etc. He gets serious and tells me he would never be able to afford it and we talk about whether a couple need a home or not and how to raise kids etc. (By the way, I have a profession with a high earning potential and he seems he feels a little bit uncomfortable about that). At the end he says he is tied and does not want to talk. ?? say ok. After an hour, he texts me and says that we are incompatible and asks me if I want to stay friends instead. I ask him if he leaves the decision to me, then I will not leave at this point and I am for the long haul and except our differences I believe we can work things out.
Next day, he is completely gone. he does not call me, does not reply to my texts, does not answer my calls and finnaly turns his phone off. I leave him a voice mail in a calm tone and just say that I am only worried about him, hope he's okay and I2ll wait for him to contact me when he's ready.
The same night I write him a very long email and tell him about my story. My own troubled past, my personality and why financial stability is important for me, what do I expect from love and maybe marriage and how fragile I am. I give him all the facts and tell him that I am his friend and his lover, I am here for long term, whats happening between us is fast but real and I want to support him in all his plans only if he lets me in.
He then goes online and we have a chat. I say it is okay if he needs time and he says he can talk. then we discuss what happened and he says "HE IS NOT READY FOR ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP AT ALL RIGHT NOW". He says I am very lovable person and any man would be lucky to have me, that the problem is not me but him, that he realized some facts last night, that he lives in a very different world than I, that he is broke and incapable of having a stable life. ?? assure him that we can work this out and I am willing to try if he also is. Then he thinks and asks me to give him a month for him to sort out some of his financial problems. ?? say okay, and he seems he is relieved. He then tells me that he finds me beautiful and we will meet after a month, and we can keep talking and chatting in the meantime. He says he does not want to meet earlier because he is sure that we can not act as friends if we meet now.
The same night I write him a very long email and tell him about my story. My own troubled past, my personality and why financial stability is important for me, what do I expect from love and maybe marriage and how fragile I am. I give him all the facts and tell him that I am his friend and his lover, I am here for long term, whats happening between us is fast but real and I want to support him in all his plans only if he lets me in.
He then goes online and we have a chat. I say it is okay if he needs time and he says he can talk. then we discuss what happened and he says "HE IS NOT READY FOR ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP AT ALL RIGHT NOW". He says I am very lovable person and any man would be lucky to have me, that the problem is not me but him, that he realized some facts last night, that he lives in a very different world than I, that he is broke and incapable of having a stable life. ?? assure him that we can work this out and I am willing to try if he also is. Then he thinks and asks me to give him a month for him to sort out some of his financial problems. ?? say okay, and he seems he is relieved. He then tells me that he finds me beautiful and we will meet after a month, and we can keep talking and chatting in the meantime. He says he does not want to meet earlier because he is sure that we can not act as friends if we meet now.
Finally today, he keeps me posted about his efforts to find money and work. We have another long conversation about his current problems and I give him some advice which he finds useful. I also offer him money, but he refuses it. He says he is really sorry and ashamed about his situation and is angry at him that he made so many mistakes in the past.
He is now on his way back but we will not meet till the new year as we agreed. When we talk, we are planning his next few months and trying to find solutions for his troubles and he shares more and more every time. ?? am confident that he loves me and wants me in his life but he also is happy with his life and choices and him being free. he wants a better life but he does not seem ready to make radical changes, even though he mentions a more stable day-job and a house etc. he is also insecure because I'll always be making more money than him and this seems like bothering him because he feels he is not good enough for me.
I approach him kind, listen to him well, give good advice but do not try to change his opinion when he resists, tell him that I'll be with him no matter and that and we will work things out together. I keep telling him that he can trust me and ?? show affection.
He is a very good man and I am aware that I can not change him. The thing that bothers me now is if these financial and other differences (I have a higher degree than him, i have my own home and my savings account is rich) can make a big problem in the future or not. He plays in a band, works a few nights in a week but in various places and often goes out of town. I do not like nightlife at all. So we are not in very compatible environments. I understand that due to his ex he feels and acts this way and maybe after he starts working and saving money he can gain his confidence and do not bother with that thought, but what if not?
Are there anybody out there who has fallen fast for a Virguy who is troubled or financially not secure. If yes, I would love to hear their stories.
He is now on his way back but we will not meet till the new year as we agreed. When we talk, we are planning his next few months and trying to find solutions for his troubles and he shares more and more every time. ?? am confident that he loves me and wants me in his life but he also is happy with his life and choices and him being free. he wants a better life but he does not seem ready to make radical changes, even though he mentions a more stable day-job and a house etc. he is also insecure because I'll always be making more money than him and this seems like bothering him because he feels he is not good enough for me.
I approach him kind, listen to him well, give good advice but do not try to change his opinion when he resists, tell him that I'll be with him no matter and that and we will work things out together. I keep telling him that he can trust me and ?? show affection.
He is a very good man and I am aware that I can not change him. The thing that bothers me now is if these financial and other differences (I have a higher degree than him, i have my own home and my savings account is rich) can make a big problem in the future or not. He plays in a band, works a few nights in a week but in various places and often goes out of town. I do not like nightlife at all. So we are not in very compatible environments. I understand that due to his ex he feels and acts this way and maybe after he starts working and saving money he can gain his confidence and do not bother with that thought, but what if not?
Are there anybody out there who has fallen fast for a Virguy who is troubled or financially not secure. If yes, I would love to hear their stories.
Wow... you sure can write.
No offense, but this is an awful lot to read, are you a Cancer?
No offense, but this is an awful lot to read, are you a Cancer?
By the way, he is an august virgo, the 29th.
Posted by ponytail
He says I am very lovable person and any man would be lucky to have me, that the problem is not me but him, that he realized some facts last night, that he lives in a very different world than I, that he is broke and incapable of having a stable life. ?? assure him that we can work this out and I am willing to try if he also is. Then he thinks and asks me to give him a month for him to sort out some of his financial problems. ?? say okay, and he seems he is relieved. He then tells me that he finds me beautiful and we will meet after a month, and we can keep talking and chatting in the meantime. He says he does not want to meet earlier because he is sure that we can not act as friends if we meet now.
If he believes in his heart he is not ready, it's very unlikely you can convince him otherwise.
His feelings for you are strong, he is afraid.
Posted by ponytail
By the way, he is an august virgo, the 29th.
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ima august 29 virgo as well dats crazy lmfao
how crazy is that owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lmao
Are you sure this guy is a virgo?
I have never met one like him before but there's a first time for everything.
I agree with him when he says he's not ready for a relationship because he seems to have really low
self esteem and too many insecurities and too much neediness. Also, I think you should only
offer him moral support and not financial help so he can learn how to pull himself together
on his own. I hope you don't see your success as the problem. You should be proud of the
hard work you've done to get where you are and he should follow your example and work
hard too so he can be in the same position. He shouldn't be threatened by your accomplishments
he should be inspired by them. I think you are doing more than enough by offering
your encouragement. Unless you can honestly accept him exactly as he is and live with
the problems he is causing now I think until he starts to help
himself you should be careful of how much of your emotions are being invested in him.
I have never met one like him before but there's a first time for everything.
I agree with him when he says he's not ready for a relationship because he seems to have really low
self esteem and too many insecurities and too much neediness. Also, I think you should only
offer him moral support and not financial help so he can learn how to pull himself together
on his own. I hope you don't see your success as the problem. You should be proud of the
hard work you've done to get where you are and he should follow your example and work
hard too so he can be in the same position. He shouldn't be threatened by your accomplishments
he should be inspired by them. I think you are doing more than enough by offering
your encouragement. Unless you can honestly accept him exactly as he is and live with
the problems he is causing now I think until he starts to help
himself you should be careful of how much of your emotions are being invested in him.
Posted by sortilege85
"He is a very good man and I am aware that I can not change him. The thing that bothers me now is if these financial and other differences (I have a higher degree than him, i have my own home and my savings account is rich) can make a big problem in the future or not. He plays in a band, works a few nights in a week but in various places and often goes out of town. I do not like nightlife at all. So we are not in very compatible environments. I understand that due to his ex he feels and acts this way and maybe after he starts working and saving money he can gain his confidence and do not bother with that thought, but what if not?
Are there anybody out there who has fallen fast for a Virguy who is troubled or financially not secure. If yes, I would love to hear their stories."
The only virgos who are like this are the august virgos.
From what everyone has claimed about the august virgos is that they are much more unstable in the field with money because they are willing to gamble, but they are much more carrying, less "robotic", understanding than the september ones. In fact, when you do see him you will notice that he is much more of a worrier than the rest of the september virgos.
ur so right about us august virgos 🙂
i worry to much its not even funny at times.
Posted by LeGendary ViRGoPosted by ponytail
By the way, he is an august virgo, the 29th.
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ima august 29 virgo as well dats crazy lmfao
how crazy is that owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lmaoclick to expand
heh. the viola player in my band was also born that day.
wow dats crazy then u have Micheal Jackson born on that day should we be lucky lmfao
Oh, thank you so much to all who cared to read my post and be so kind to leave a comment! Sorry for the lenghty post. I just wantged to give a complete picture.
I am a late June Gemini but feel more like a Cancerian.
You are right, he is worrying too much about everything and only talks about his problems all the time, nothing else. But I appreciate his openness, because I sure would not be able to tolerate my man shutting down on me. Communication is very important in all my relationships.
Another tendency Ive noticed in him: he changes his plans and one days talks about him wanting to do something and next day another. He is also dreamy and immature about life in general but at the same time looks like he's aware of that.
Do you honestly think he can make a good husband? I feel like he will try his best and I will have to be supportive and at the same time appreciative of him all the time. He is very much fragile too and can not take criticism well. I am almost like watching my every word ans treating him with kid gloves. ?? also try to give him examples from my past troubles and how I have overcome them and these could happen to anyone and not his fault.
Our relationship will be very problematic for sure at the beginning but I want to give it a chance and only hope that he can meet me half way.
I am a late June Gemini but feel more like a Cancerian.
You are right, he is worrying too much about everything and only talks about his problems all the time, nothing else. But I appreciate his openness, because I sure would not be able to tolerate my man shutting down on me. Communication is very important in all my relationships.
Another tendency Ive noticed in him: he changes his plans and one days talks about him wanting to do something and next day another. He is also dreamy and immature about life in general but at the same time looks like he's aware of that.
Do you honestly think he can make a good husband? I feel like he will try his best and I will have to be supportive and at the same time appreciative of him all the time. He is very much fragile too and can not take criticism well. I am almost like watching my every word ans treating him with kid gloves. ?? also try to give him examples from my past troubles and how I have overcome them and these could happen to anyone and not his fault.
Our relationship will be very problematic for sure at the beginning but I want to give it a chance and only hope that he can meet me half way.
other than the money issues, he also mentioned that u both are in very different worlds. ur absolutely right... he's afraid that if he were to be with u then u would want to change him. he's already quitting smoking but he lives for the nightlife and u can't stand it. if it were me, i would already know that i want my significant other to be a part in most aspects of my life. he would probably want to see u out to watch him play sometimes but he already knows that u wouldn't have a good time so he wouldn't ask u to do it.
mostly though, i think he feels like a loser and out of ur league. his ego probably can't take another hit right now. he may not be all that uncomfortable with u making more than him if he were living fairly comfortably himself. a lot of guys i know would actually think it's really cool as long as he could easily provide for himself without her assistance.
mostly though, i think he feels like a loser and out of ur league. his ego probably can't take another hit right now. he may not be all that uncomfortable with u making more than him if he were living fairly comfortably himself. a lot of guys i know would actually think it's really cool as long as he could easily provide for himself without her assistance.
I am not sure if you can consider the following as red flags:
- He disappeared yesterday on me (but he was working at night and texted me early next morning to ask how I was doing).
- He confessed that he could not afford his ret and was evacuated two month ago and was sleeping on the couch of his friend. (He said he could not tell this to me before because he felt ashamed and since I opened my heart to him completely he found the courage to to tell me all his story. But he did not apologize).
- He mentioned that he's had a lot of girls in the past, he says mostly in his early 20s, but when he had his fiance he was loyal to him and unless there is a clear break up between us he would not even look at to another girl.
- He also said he was sleeping with someone when we our communication started last month, and did not clearly say that he dropped his contact with her completely. I suspect they're at least still talking. (I made it clear that he must be 100% loyal to me and this is a huge huge problem when ??Im in a relationship)
- I had offered him some money a couple of days ago and after discussing today again that he needed to find a new apt asap, he brought up the issue and say that he clued in first and then said clearly that he is willing to accept it now. (I turned him down this time gently, saying that since we are early in the relationship and him obviously being in a deeper trouble, my money would not revolve all his issues and he need to get a bigger support from another resource, maybe his family).
- He was all over me in the early morning when he was back from work and he's alone in his friend apt and all of a sudden he initiated kinky talk and we tried phone sex twice. (Before he was very irritated when I said or texted something kinky, he even once tell me I should better not write such things to him. Also today, after we tried it, he said he feels uncomfortable).
The only thing up side today: I asked him directly if he's thinking about marrying me (in the future of course) and he gave a clear yes.
- He disappeared yesterday on me (but he was working at night and texted me early next morning to ask how I was doing).
- He confessed that he could not afford his ret and was evacuated two month ago and was sleeping on the couch of his friend. (He said he could not tell this to me before because he felt ashamed and since I opened my heart to him completely he found the courage to to tell me all his story. But he did not apologize).
- He mentioned that he's had a lot of girls in the past, he says mostly in his early 20s, but when he had his fiance he was loyal to him and unless there is a clear break up between us he would not even look at to another girl.
- He also said he was sleeping with someone when we our communication started last month, and did not clearly say that he dropped his contact with her completely. I suspect they're at least still talking. (I made it clear that he must be 100% loyal to me and this is a huge huge problem when ??Im in a relationship)
- I had offered him some money a couple of days ago and after discussing today again that he needed to find a new apt asap, he brought up the issue and say that he clued in first and then said clearly that he is willing to accept it now. (I turned him down this time gently, saying that since we are early in the relationship and him obviously being in a deeper trouble, my money would not revolve all his issues and he need to get a bigger support from another resource, maybe his family).
- He was all over me in the early morning when he was back from work and he's alone in his friend apt and all of a sudden he initiated kinky talk and we tried phone sex twice. (Before he was very irritated when I said or texted something kinky, he even once tell me I should better not write such things to him. Also today, after we tried it, he said he feels uncomfortable).
The only thing up side today: I asked him directly if he's thinking about marrying me (in the future of course) and he gave a clear yes.
My questions:
- Is he a player or he's just become very trusting and comfortable with me that he decided to give in himself fully with all his goods or bads?
- Is he the kind of guy like Sekhmet described in her comment above? I mean, he's just looking for a safe harbour, an apt. and a woman who could support him financially while he's having fun and continue living his irresponsible life?
- Me turning down him gently on my earlier proposal was the right thing to do? If he was really asking this because he had no other working option, do you think it will hurt his trust in me?
- What should I do now? (We ended our conversation today which lasted almost 9 hours non stop in the same mood three days ago: he said I was hurting and rushing him and I was flaky —both want him and resist him-, and I said he had too much load and should resolve these on his own now —Ill be around but would not like to be heavily involved because that will hurt our relationship- . I also said that ?? am not able to trust him fully right now. It was not a break up talk like the first one, but he was upset and said the clock is set —until we see each other as agreed after new year- and this time he would not initiate any contact until then.
"Are there anybody out there who has fallen fast for a Virguy who is troubled or financially not secure. If yes, I would love to hear their stories."
While I was in college I had become acquainted with a Virgo man. Fifteen years later, a mutual friend had a get together and we saw each other and remained in contact after that. That was about 3 years ago. Early on we went out on a date once and I found out he was living in a motel. He had a job, but could not afford a place of his own at that time. So I didnt understand, nor did I push the issue. He kept telling me he wanted to marry me. I loved him, but I really could not see us being relationship due to his instability. Over the past 3 years he has moved around alot. His mother died. He has been to jail. If he calls I still talk to him. I love him and I am his friend. He has never stopped telling me he wants to marry me. I never make any promises to him. I just try to be there if he needs me as his friend. I did not allow myself to fall for him, because he was unstable, it would be hard for us to deal with each other. I am not easy to deal within the realms of a bonafide relationship and knew I would only hurt him on top of what was already going on in his life. I never made any demands on him or had any expectations. I want him to get himself together for him not me. That is what is important to me. I have never offered him money and nor has he asked. He is a man and he needs to make his own money. I dont need a man if I have to give him money for bills. I dont have an issue with buying gifts or paying for dinner, but I dont give out cash to a man because he is dire need. I cant respect him.
There are times when we as women need to let a man be a man. They dont need for someone to be harping them or pressuring them when they are down. He doesnt even has a place to live and you are telling him he needs to buy a house and asking him about marriage. If you cant deal with his situation without placing incessant demands on him then go.
While I was in college I had become acquainted with a Virgo man. Fifteen years later, a mutual friend had a get together and we saw each other and remained in contact after that. That was about 3 years ago. Early on we went out on a date once and I found out he was living in a motel. He had a job, but could not afford a place of his own at that time. So I didnt understand, nor did I push the issue. He kept telling me he wanted to marry me. I loved him, but I really could not see us being relationship due to his instability. Over the past 3 years he has moved around alot. His mother died. He has been to jail. If he calls I still talk to him. I love him and I am his friend. He has never stopped telling me he wants to marry me. I never make any promises to him. I just try to be there if he needs me as his friend. I did not allow myself to fall for him, because he was unstable, it would be hard for us to deal with each other. I am not easy to deal within the realms of a bonafide relationship and knew I would only hurt him on top of what was already going on in his life. I never made any demands on him or had any expectations. I want him to get himself together for him not me. That is what is important to me. I have never offered him money and nor has he asked. He is a man and he needs to make his own money. I dont need a man if I have to give him money for bills. I dont have an issue with buying gifts or paying for dinner, but I dont give out cash to a man because he is dire need. I cant respect him.
There are times when we as women need to let a man be a man. They dont need for someone to be harping them or pressuring them when they are down. He doesnt even has a place to live and you are telling him he needs to buy a house and asking him about marriage. If you cant deal with his situation without placing incessant demands on him then go.
georgiapeach,
actually he has told me at first that he has an apartment and he needed the money for something else. then he changed his story just today. We were teasing each other when we talked about buying a house, and it was someting he said as well. he told me that ten years ago he had enough money to buy a house and i just said "yeah, that's what you need to do next". Regarding marriage, he kept bringing it up and I finally had to ask him if he's serious about it.
I told him at the very beginning that he needs to do everything for his own sake, not anybody else. And today I told him again that I am aware I can not change him, neither I can not expect him to go my way. Like you said, I had offered him the money two weeks ago, while we were just friends, but today I said I'd better not and explained the reasons and said that he does not need me for this, he is strong enough to earn because he has talent, or find it another way than asking.
I appreciate all comments, and decided to detach myself from him for now. ?? do not want to fall in love, because im afraid he'll hurt me. But like u all said I have not met him yet and maybe there are still missing pieces, insecurities in both of us that adds up to the drama. I need to talk with him and listen all he's got to say. He definitely needs time to think and decide what he needs, wants and can do on his own now. He does not need me, at least not as someone other than a good friend or a listener.
actually he has told me at first that he has an apartment and he needed the money for something else. then he changed his story just today. We were teasing each other when we talked about buying a house, and it was someting he said as well. he told me that ten years ago he had enough money to buy a house and i just said "yeah, that's what you need to do next". Regarding marriage, he kept bringing it up and I finally had to ask him if he's serious about it.
I told him at the very beginning that he needs to do everything for his own sake, not anybody else. And today I told him again that I am aware I can not change him, neither I can not expect him to go my way. Like you said, I had offered him the money two weeks ago, while we were just friends, but today I said I'd better not and explained the reasons and said that he does not need me for this, he is strong enough to earn because he has talent, or find it another way than asking.
I appreciate all comments, and decided to detach myself from him for now. ?? do not want to fall in love, because im afraid he'll hurt me. But like u all said I have not met him yet and maybe there are still missing pieces, insecurities in both of us that adds up to the drama. I need to talk with him and listen all he's got to say. He definitely needs time to think and decide what he needs, wants and can do on his own now. He does not need me, at least not as someone other than a good friend or a listener.
Hey pony,
Your first string of posts made it quite clear to me...You spelled out what you need and want from a relationship. He has assessed that, and he KNOWS he cannot provide you with all of those things. Because virgo's are usually pretty honest, and he obviously cares about you, it sounds to me like he wants you to go and find someone who will provide you with what you want and need to be happy.
Perhaps you 2 are better off as friends, for now at least...No matter what words come out of his mouth, pay more attention to his actions.
Your first string of posts made it quite clear to me...You spelled out what you need and want from a relationship. He has assessed that, and he KNOWS he cannot provide you with all of those things. Because virgo's are usually pretty honest, and he obviously cares about you, it sounds to me like he wants you to go and find someone who will provide you with what you want and need to be happy.
Perhaps you 2 are better off as friends, for now at least...No matter what words come out of his mouth, pay more attention to his actions.
Pony tail you are begging to be misused, here you are exposing all your financial information to a broke man, you are devoting your whole life to a man that hasn't once shown he can do the same. Why?
Step back and get your head out of the clouds. He's living on someones couch, he's into the nightlife, he's smoking and quiting for YOU is not enough. Unless you wanna get stuck footing the bill to have a man you would do best to stop fantasizing or you will end up paying a very hefty bill for the fantasy.
If you have your life together financially and emotionally then please take some time to find a man that complements your life style . Never ever ever expose your financial state to any man, especially one you haven't seen in years and only talk to online with. You are not in high school, he has a rocky past and I don't for a minute buy the X fiance story, that's a one sided story that you cannot prove from his words alone.....There are tons of red flags that you need to take heed to or risk getting mistreated.
When he said " "HE IS NOT READY FOR ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP AT ALL RIGHT NOW"....That is the truth and you should believe it, when he said it's him not you BELIEVE IT, he's warning you, take heed.
Truth be told he sounds like he's already involved with someone, he keeps putting you off, give me a month, give me more time...that is a huge red flag
Most men that are not users don't want anyone to know about there rocky relationships and financial hardships so soon in the reunion nor would he burden the woman of his dreams *his dreamgirl* about his hardships, when men do this they are attempting to EXPOSE your weaknesses so they can manipulate you. The fact that he quickly let you in on his hardships is the #1 red flag most women ignore and they end up being mistreated and used financially and psyhologically.
All I can say is many women are getting played in these online type relationships. Guard your personal information with your life....when men come into the relationship playing on a womans sympathy's that's a huge red flag that your involved with a manipulative person. The woman exposes all her weaknesses because she feels safe because he's done the same and she ends up being heavily used in the process, her money gets funny as time goes on, her credit is ruined, she lose herself and her property..beware of wolf's in sheep's clothing
Step back and get your head out of the clouds. He's living on someones couch, he's into the nightlife, he's smoking and quiting for YOU is not enough. Unless you wanna get stuck footing the bill to have a man you would do best to stop fantasizing or you will end up paying a very hefty bill for the fantasy.
If you have your life together financially and emotionally then please take some time to find a man that complements your life style . Never ever ever expose your financial state to any man, especially one you haven't seen in years and only talk to online with. You are not in high school, he has a rocky past and I don't for a minute buy the X fiance story, that's a one sided story that you cannot prove from his words alone.....There are tons of red flags that you need to take heed to or risk getting mistreated.
When he said " "HE IS NOT READY FOR ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP AT ALL RIGHT NOW"....That is the truth and you should believe it, when he said it's him not you BELIEVE IT, he's warning you, take heed.
Truth be told he sounds like he's already involved with someone, he keeps putting you off, give me a month, give me more time...that is a huge red flag
Most men that are not users don't want anyone to know about there rocky relationships and financial hardships so soon in the reunion nor would he burden the woman of his dreams *his dreamgirl* about his hardships, when men do this they are attempting to EXPOSE your weaknesses so they can manipulate you. The fact that he quickly let you in on his hardships is the #1 red flag most women ignore and they end up being mistreated and used financially and psyhologically.
All I can say is many women are getting played in these online type relationships. Guard your personal information with your life....when men come into the relationship playing on a womans sympathy's that's a huge red flag that your involved with a manipulative person. The woman exposes all her weaknesses because she feels safe because he's done the same and she ends up being heavily used in the process, her money gets funny as time goes on, her credit is ruined, she lose herself and her property..beware of wolf's in sheep's clothing
He said He said is game, natural order is to ALLOW the other person over time KNOW who the other person slowly, not in a matter of days/weeks as this has been going on, it's called honeymooning and it also renders the other woman powerless because she's unguarded, she's EXPOSING all her weaknesses, she's giving him pertinent information about her boundaries and he will push those boundaries to gain power and use info to get his way, it takes years to really know another human being, most people that have had experience with these kind of relationships know the toxic pattern INSTANTLY such as Sehkmet pointed out and most of the men that are manipulative tell all there horrible business quite quickly, these men are ALL different but the pattern remains the same and giving information as well as gleaning information from the other person is the main LURE that suck these women in, her weakness is used as leverage later down the line, no longer is he empathetic to her issues, he's using her issues to GET HIS WAY, to get what he wants.
The tell tell sign of manipulation is the fact that she offerred him money and he didn't have to ask for it, all he had to do is plead his troubles and make it seem asap urgent, that is a sign of pure manipulation when a man/woman can get what they want without asking for it. When emotional buttons are being triggered it means someone is doing something he has no business doing.
Pony tail you can have this man in your life but be wise about it, you did a very wise thing by taking your offer of money off the table, as long as you set boundaries and let one of your main boundaries be you will not part with your finances through loans and gifts or offer your home as a place he can stay until he get on his feet, once you establish some strong boundaries that protect you and your finances then I see no reason to have this man in your life.
The tell tell sign of manipulation is the fact that she offerred him money and he didn't have to ask for it, all he had to do is plead his troubles and make it seem asap urgent, that is a sign of pure manipulation when a man/woman can get what they want without asking for it. When emotional buttons are being triggered it means someone is doing something he has no business doing.
Pony tail you can have this man in your life but be wise about it, you did a very wise thing by taking your offer of money off the table, as long as you set boundaries and let one of your main boundaries be you will not part with your finances through loans and gifts or offer your home as a place he can stay until he get on his feet, once you establish some strong boundaries that protect you and your finances then I see no reason to have this man in your life.
After 18 years of no contact only for him to come back with a slew of problems is a huge red flag
Ok, this is not good. And I mean this in a general sense... The problem is falling in love with someone you've never met in real life. Do not allow yourself to fall for someone without actually meeting them in person first. Sure, you remember him somewhat from HS... but, that was a long time ago. It's good you have lots in common etc... but you have to keep it light and friendly until you have actually met in person. It's so easy to fall for someone thru emails, but you will never really know them until you meet them in person... I'm repeating myself for a good reason... it's very IMPORTANT. I've known too many people who have fallen for someone online, only to meet in real life and be hugely disappointed. I personally have gotten all shook up over a gal or two online, but thankfully, didn't jump the gun till I knew them better, and ended up never meeting them. I have met a few, and dated them in real life too, and tho they were very nice ladies, we didn't click romantically. One of them is still a great penpal. I'm currently dating a gal I met on Equestriansingles.com and we just went on our second date. It's looking good so far... but you gotta take it a little slow at first you know. I've blogged on the subject and will include it below. Good luck and don't get too worked up till you know the guy better ok?
On Online Dating:
It should be everyones policy to meet an online love interest in real life within a month. Don't drag it out longer... you may very well regret it. The sooner the better for a real life meeting.
Consider how we meet in real life. Whether a chance meeting, bumping into someone, or admiring someone across the room and your eyes meet, we know instantly if we like their looks. Then if we strike up a conversation, we know within a few minutes if we want to talk further. If we chat it up for an hour or so, we know if we want to go out on a date or not.
These online dating sites are a way for us to find people with similar interests, desires and life style s. But there has to be a real life meeting to see if we are actually attracted to them or not. On the other side of the coin, meeting someone the normal way, in real life without previous online knowledge, and being attracted to them, doesn't mean we'll end up sharing the same interests, desires or goals.
Online dating, is only a meeting of minds. There is no way to have the kind of human interaction we get from meeting someone in person. You'll find there are a lot of "time wasters", "window shoppers" and people who never intend to meet in real life, maybe because they are already in a relationship and are just "fooling around" online.
I've seen too many friends get very involved thru emails, and even phone calls, only to finally meet months later and know in a few minutes that it isn't going to work.
So you start out with some emails, compare profiles, talk on the phone a few times, then you meet in a public place such as a cafe or truck stop restaurant, and get to see each other in person. You'll know within a few minutes to an hour at most if you both want to go further with the relationship.
I have one pal who fell in love with a guy she met online, just thru emails alone. They kept up a romance for six months before she finally started pushing to meet in person, and he made excuse after excuse. Then she gave him an ultimatum, and he told her he needed six months to get his life in order. She waited the six months, and he still made excuses why they couldn't meet in real life... she pined for him for another year, before finally realizing he was never going to meet her in real life... and finally gave up on him. Don't let that happen to you.
Just some helpful advice : )
It should be everyones policy to meet an online love interest in real life within a month. Don't drag it out longer... you may very well regret it. The sooner the better for a real life meeting.
Consider how we meet in real life. Whether a chance meeting, bumping into someone, or admiring someone across the room and your eyes meet, we know instantly if we like their looks. Then if we strike up a conversation, we know within a few minutes if we want to talk further. If we chat it up for an hour or so, we know if we want to go out on a date or not.
These online dating sites are a way for us to find people with similar interests, desires and life style s. But there has to be a real life meeting to see if we are actually attracted to them or not. On the other side of the coin, meeting someone the normal way, in real life without previous online knowledge, and being attracted to them, doesn't mean we'll end up sharing the same interests, desires or goals.
Online dating, is only a meeting of minds. There is no way to have the kind of human interaction we get from meeting someone in person. You'll find there are a lot of "time wasters", "window shoppers" and people who never intend to meet in real life, maybe because they are already in a relationship and are just "fooling around" online.
I've seen too many friends get very involved thru emails, and even phone calls, only to finally meet months later and know in a few minutes that it isn't going to work.
So you start out with some emails, compare profiles, talk on the phone a few times, then you meet in a public place such as a cafe or truck stop restaurant, and get to see each other in person. You'll know within a few minutes to an hour at most if you both want to go further with the relationship.
I have one pal who fell in love with a guy she met online, just thru emails alone. They kept up a romance for six months before she finally started pushing to meet in person, and he made excuse after excuse. Then she gave him an ultimatum, and he told her he needed six months to get his life in order. She waited the six months, and he still made excuses why they couldn't meet in real life... she pined for him for another year, before finally realizing he was never going to meet her in real life... and finally gave up on him. Don't let that happen to you.
Just some helpful advice : )
ferghus and tiki33, you are so right. Thankfully I am grown up enough not to give myself in fully for any guy at this point. I have to be sure of him 100% because I've had my share with players before. Yes, he's carrying so many questionmarks. I can not buy his stories and I can not trust him. I am willing to give him a chance, though but it is up to him. He has to earn it.
I have not contacted him today and will not unless he shows some sign of improvement. I am going to live my life as I was doing before him and I will not keep communicating with him as a lover or his potential lover until he finds and apartment and proves me that he's ready to change and willing to work hard to make that happen. I may answer his calls or texts briefly to see how he's doing as sortilege85 and others were saying, so our communication will not be broken, and I might accept to meet him in person as well but I'll put him into a test and find our who he is for real before any type of romantical involvement starts.
Thank you all, thank you so much.
I have not contacted him today and will not unless he shows some sign of improvement. I am going to live my life as I was doing before him and I will not keep communicating with him as a lover or his potential lover until he finds and apartment and proves me that he's ready to change and willing to work hard to make that happen. I may answer his calls or texts briefly to see how he's doing as sortilege85 and others were saying, so our communication will not be broken, and I might accept to meet him in person as well but I'll put him into a test and find our who he is for real before any type of romantical involvement starts.
Thank you all, thank you so much.
You must be a Gemini .... the diarehha of the mouth and all is clearly a Gem trait.
I wonder how many people he tried before you fell?
Desperation calls for desperate measures ... and contacting random people from your past and putting on the charm, might actually land you in a situation where after 18 years, a person might have a great career making lots of money.
But, of course he loves you .... how is this going to work for him if you thought otherwise?
He will continue to put his little suggestions in there, and continue to refuse your gracious financial assistance .. that is until he knows for sure you're hooked ... soon, his name will be on your bank account.
Soon after that .. perhaps his might find another random person from his past that has money.
I wonder how many people he tried before you fell?
Desperation calls for desperate measures ... and contacting random people from your past and putting on the charm, might actually land you in a situation where after 18 years, a person might have a great career making lots of money.
But, of course he loves you .... how is this going to work for him if you thought otherwise?
He will continue to put his little suggestions in there, and continue to refuse your gracious financial assistance .. that is until he knows for sure you're hooked ... soon, his name will be on your bank account.
Soon after that .. perhaps his might find another random person from his past that has money.
Posted by ponytail
I asked him directly if he's thinking about marrying me (in the future of course) and he gave a clear yes.
That ^^^ is funny as shit, especially when it is taken into consideration that it came after a long slew of examples of him being a douchebag.
Seriously, girls fuck themselves up 99% of the time ... he's an asshole, and I'm sure you'd love for him to propose marriage to you.
P-Angel, you are right as well to every letter you wrote.
Today I was absent for whole day. He sends me couple of texts in the late afternoon which I ignore. He then goes online, sees me there and initiates a chat. I say I am busy and tell him check his email. I send him a brief ultimatum saying that I can not trust him, I list all the incosistencies Ive noticed and then I tell him I'll not get involved with him unless he proves I'm wrong.
He calls me while I'm having dinner. He says he's very upset, I clearly have trust issues and I'm wishy washy. He adds he does not have to prove anything to anyone and he's moving to an apt tomorrow. I say I'm having dinner and we can talk later. He says he does not want to talk with me anymore and I say "as you wish".
Half an hour later, I get a "call me" text from an unknown phone number and shortly after this number sends me another text saying "sorry, it was a mistake, you are not the intended recipient". I check the number and it turns out it is registered under his name. I reply saying that I know it's him. He then plays with me for 20 minutes insisting that it's not him. At the end, I say that he's a freak and I'm deleting his name from all my online accounts and I do not want him to contact me again.
He tells me to watch my words. He says this was just a joke. I do not buy that and tell him he needs to apologize. He does not and he tells me that I need to see a psychologist because I have issues. He says he's sorry for me. I tell him that I can not believe he's still trying to prove he's all clean. He says he'll never contact me and will change his number as well so I can have a good sleep at night and not woryy about him. I say that what he has been doing was so unnecessary, and I do not understand why he treats people who loves him and want to trust him this way. I say that I am not mad or upset, because what he's done, he's done to himself.
He then texts me saying he does not want to say bad things to me and he hopes I can be very happy in my life and wishes me luck. I reply to him saying things should not have been that way and it's his choice.
—————
Can you believe that? I was so close to making the biggest mistake of my life! Oh I am so glad I could pull myself back just on time and think rationally before it got worse.
Today I was absent for whole day. He sends me couple of texts in the late afternoon which I ignore. He then goes online, sees me there and initiates a chat. I say I am busy and tell him check his email. I send him a brief ultimatum saying that I can not trust him, I list all the incosistencies Ive noticed and then I tell him I'll not get involved with him unless he proves I'm wrong.
He calls me while I'm having dinner. He says he's very upset, I clearly have trust issues and I'm wishy washy. He adds he does not have to prove anything to anyone and he's moving to an apt tomorrow. I say I'm having dinner and we can talk later. He says he does not want to talk with me anymore and I say "as you wish".
Half an hour later, I get a "call me" text from an unknown phone number and shortly after this number sends me another text saying "sorry, it was a mistake, you are not the intended recipient". I check the number and it turns out it is registered under his name. I reply saying that I know it's him. He then plays with me for 20 minutes insisting that it's not him. At the end, I say that he's a freak and I'm deleting his name from all my online accounts and I do not want him to contact me again.
He tells me to watch my words. He says this was just a joke. I do not buy that and tell him he needs to apologize. He does not and he tells me that I need to see a psychologist because I have issues. He says he's sorry for me. I tell him that I can not believe he's still trying to prove he's all clean. He says he'll never contact me and will change his number as well so I can have a good sleep at night and not woryy about him. I say that what he has been doing was so unnecessary, and I do not understand why he treats people who loves him and want to trust him this way. I say that I am not mad or upset, because what he's done, he's done to himself.
He then texts me saying he does not want to say bad things to me and he hopes I can be very happy in my life and wishes me luck. I reply to him saying things should not have been that way and it's his choice.
—————
Can you believe that? I was so close to making the biggest mistake of my life! Oh I am so glad I could pull myself back just on time and think rationally before it got worse.
sortilege85,
I was still on skeptical side and was willing to give him a chance and wait till I see him in person but after what he has done today, i mean, he played with me like a 3rd grade kid, and that was so annoying, and he blamed me for being a psycho and having a miserable life, he used all tactics and the whole info I've provided to him in my first email. He used my weaknesses against me to make me feel bad and to prove that he's better than me.
I am not asking sympathy from anyone, but I think I have done a good thing by writing my story here and getting advice from different people including you. All of you have been very helpful. My time is wasted like u said, but thankfully I've saved any wasted time in my future.
If he calls me, apologizes, shows me that he is willing to change and proves that me over time, then I may consider giving him another chance. But I'd be really really careful after what happened today with both him and with any other man I've met.
I was still on skeptical side and was willing to give him a chance and wait till I see him in person but after what he has done today, i mean, he played with me like a 3rd grade kid, and that was so annoying, and he blamed me for being a psycho and having a miserable life, he used all tactics and the whole info I've provided to him in my first email. He used my weaknesses against me to make me feel bad and to prove that he's better than me.
I am not asking sympathy from anyone, but I think I have done a good thing by writing my story here and getting advice from different people including you. All of you have been very helpful. My time is wasted like u said, but thankfully I've saved any wasted time in my future.
If he calls me, apologizes, shows me that he is willing to change and proves that me over time, then I may consider giving him another chance. But I'd be really really careful after what happened today with both him and with any other man I've met.
Sortilege is right, be suspicious of people contacting you after years of no contact men and women and to add to that, you don't know him and to expect him to change for YOU is very unrealistic. He's showing you who he is and the only thing you can do now is accept him as he is or let him go and to besides it's never good enough for a man to change for someone else, it's better he changes for himself because that's the only way he will stay changed.
He may be adding a bit of excitement and drama to your life with his problems and immature ways which is all he pretty much has to offer you but be realistic even if he momentarily changed for you there is a huge probability that he won't be able to consistently follow through with your plans for him given the fact that he loves the rolling stone life style , yes he may complain about being broke but realistically if he's living fowl it's because he wants to, he's living in his grandiose mental gap, stuck between reality and living a rolling stone fake half ass broke rock star life style and seeking vulnerable lonely women to foot the bill but be sure this kind of man is good at getting what he wants, be careful, he most likely won't be able to change, your best bet is to find someone else more compatible with your life style and already has his life in order, when you tell a man (this kind of man) you will wait for him your desire to do that way reeks of desperation and will and can invite mistreatment, never wait for a man to fix himself, you will be waiting for a very long time.
Manipulative people play to win and there is a certain kind of way you have to speak to these types or he/she will fight to the bitter end and will not apologize unless it benefits him to do so. It's best to disengage the moment you feel so frustrated that you want to lash out and call nmaes, politely disengage from the conversation. If things get to bad block him online and change your phone number, sometimes they can turn out to be stalkers/cyber stalkers as well.
You may feel disenchanted with your social life which is something you can fix if you work at it but once you start lending out money and allowing men to come into your home you put yourself in high risk dangerous situations. And please stop coming off as needy! Leave your horrible past in the past or risk being played and manipulated, try being content around men.
He may be adding a bit of excitement and drama to your life with his problems and immature ways which is all he pretty much has to offer you but be realistic even if he momentarily changed for you there is a huge probability that he won't be able to consistently follow through with your plans for him given the fact that he loves the rolling stone life style , yes he may complain about being broke but realistically if he's living fowl it's because he wants to, he's living in his grandiose mental gap, stuck between reality and living a rolling stone fake half ass broke rock star life style and seeking vulnerable lonely women to foot the bill but be sure this kind of man is good at getting what he wants, be careful, he most likely won't be able to change, your best bet is to find someone else more compatible with your life style and already has his life in order, when you tell a man (this kind of man) you will wait for him your desire to do that way reeks of desperation and will and can invite mistreatment, never wait for a man to fix himself, you will be waiting for a very long time.
Manipulative people play to win and there is a certain kind of way you have to speak to these types or he/she will fight to the bitter end and will not apologize unless it benefits him to do so. It's best to disengage the moment you feel so frustrated that you want to lash out and call nmaes, politely disengage from the conversation. If things get to bad block him online and change your phone number, sometimes they can turn out to be stalkers/cyber stalkers as well.
You may feel disenchanted with your social life which is something you can fix if you work at it but once you start lending out money and allowing men to come into your home you put yourself in high risk dangerous situations. And please stop coming off as needy! Leave your horrible past in the past or risk being played and manipulated, try being content around men.
And also a bit of advice manipulative personality disordered people know how to turn it around on you and make you out to be the psycho crazy person. DON'T BUY IT, just compare your life to his, if your stable, have a job and/or money in the bank, have decent friends and family and yet he's on someones couch, living pillar to post, mooching, playing fake musician rockstar, broke and finding random women online then whose the crazy desperate psycho? I mean really, manipulative people have a way of projecting there craziness onto others, better you see this now then later. P was right he would have played you so bad and somehow manage to get his name on your bank account through all that game playing...be careful
If he NEEDS money then he's desperate and he's desperately hunting/seeking a vulnerable fool...don't be her
If he NEEDS money then he's desperate and he's desperately hunting/seeking a vulnerable fool...don't be her
"And also a bit of advice manipulative personality disordered people know how to turn it around on you and make you out to be the psycho crazy person. DON'T BUY IT"
I'm not so sure about that. I think it's takes a pretty fucking crazy person to be going through all of this with a man, and state CLEARLY on here that she KNOWS FULL WELL that this man is taking her for a ride .... and then in the next breath state she loves him.
"... and I do not understand why he treats people who loves him and want to trust him this way."
That's pretty psycho. It may appear to people that she is upset about all this .. but, if you look between the lines, you will find that she is perpetuating the game ... by telling him she is finished with him while in the same breath proclaiming she loves him.
Push ... Pull .. wait for a response from him.
Perhaps this game is undetectable to most people .... clearly visible to people with their eyes open.
I'm not so sure about that. I think it's takes a pretty fucking crazy person to be going through all of this with a man, and state CLEARLY on here that she KNOWS FULL WELL that this man is taking her for a ride .... and then in the next breath state she loves him.
"... and I do not understand why he treats people who loves him and want to trust him this way."
That's pretty psycho. It may appear to people that she is upset about all this .. but, if you look between the lines, you will find that she is perpetuating the game ... by telling him she is finished with him while in the same breath proclaiming she loves him.
Push ... Pull .. wait for a response from him.
Perhaps this game is undetectable to most people .... clearly visible to people with their eyes open.
I see your point and I don't disagree with you, I definitely understand the push pull dynamics in these kind of relationships, her self esteem is feeding this dynamic, I dont really know her emotional state but most likely there is a void she's attempting to fill, once a man smells this void these kind of women become DIN DIN, being acutely aware of this void he's pulling her strings in the process feeding her just enough to keep her focused on fixing him and getting a relationship which is something that she shouldn't have to do, when women EXPOSE her personal information about her life, her past pain and hurt in her mind she feels she's bonding but the reality is she's exposing her weaknesses to get played like a puppet, she isn't any different than a lot of women online hoping to find a connection and desperately want to do anything to keep that connection such as pay for it. I don't see a point in making her feel bad, I just want her to be smart and protect herself and protect her assets.
She pulled back and that was the smart thing to do.
She pulled back and that was the smart thing to do.
Ladies, amen to your every word.
Anyone reading this thread should carefully make notes and get a lesson from my story.
I am emotionally vulnerable but one side of me has always been careful and rational. I initially show trust in every man/ woman I met, because I do not want my history and prejudices affect my relationships. Everbody deserves a fair chance. But I keep my eye on things and if something smells wrong, I pull back and let the other person know about it. If it's a misunderstanding we clear, if it's a fault, it shows. Either way, I pull through.
I have already blocked him everywhere. So he knows I am not an easy bet. If he comes back and be a good boy, and work hard to deserve a chance I will give it. He knows he can not play me again so I bet he would not risk himself. Finding another woman who can buy his mess is much easier, right?
Anyone reading this thread should carefully make notes and get a lesson from my story.
I am emotionally vulnerable but one side of me has always been careful and rational. I initially show trust in every man/ woman I met, because I do not want my history and prejudices affect my relationships. Everbody deserves a fair chance. But I keep my eye on things and if something smells wrong, I pull back and let the other person know about it. If it's a misunderstanding we clear, if it's a fault, it shows. Either way, I pull through.
I have already blocked him everywhere. So he knows I am not an easy bet. If he comes back and be a good boy, and work hard to deserve a chance I will give it. He knows he can not play me again so I bet he would not risk himself. Finding another woman who can buy his mess is much easier, right?
Finding another woman who can buy his mess is much easier, right? Right, you better believe your not the only one he's working over or trying to work over...as long as your money is in your pocket and your not allowing your emotions to be manipulated you are safe but yes men like him are always looking for an easy more softer target to rake over with there drama and money problems.
If he's not a manipulative user give it time, that's the only way your really going to be able to see otherwise, of all the most important things protect yourself first and you should be fine.
HOW TO AVOID LETTING A ONLINE PREDATOR PLAY WITH YOU
#1. If he sounds too good to be true, guess what, he's not !! He may just be 'mirroring' and profiling you while he moves in on you emotionally & spiritually.
#2 Make sure your antennas are in good working order, and when they talk to you, LISTEN CLOSELY. Don't bypass any red flags or a rise of your antennas. Don't tell yourself men are just 'that way' or you are 'making too much of' something.
#3 Don't center your life around this new friend. Fact of the matter is, he is just words on a screen. Keep up with friends in the real world
#4 If he tells you he loves you before meeting him face to face, don't believe him, they are only words to him; he doesn't feel them!!
#5. If he gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. Run as fast as you can, and hide too. Would you truly want to live your life with one crisis after another?
#6. Before you go to private IM's with a new friend, spend time in the group chats with him and see how he interacts with other women, and continue to go to chats with him, even as the private friendship progresses !!
#1. If he sounds too good to be true, guess what, he's not !! He may just be 'mirroring' and profiling you while he moves in on you emotionally & spiritually.
#2 Make sure your antennas are in good working order, and when they talk to you, LISTEN CLOSELY. Don't bypass any red flags or a rise of your antennas. Don't tell yourself men are just 'that way' or you are 'making too much of' something.
#3 Don't center your life around this new friend. Fact of the matter is, he is just words on a screen. Keep up with friends in the real world
#4 If he tells you he loves you before meeting him face to face, don't believe him, they are only words to him; he doesn't feel them!!
#5. If he gives you a long sob story and always has a new crisis in his life. Run as fast as you can, and hide too. Would you truly want to live your life with one crisis after another?
#6. Before you go to private IM's with a new friend, spend time in the group chats with him and see how he interacts with other women, and continue to go to chats with him, even as the private friendship progresses !!
#7. Stick pretty close to home. Someone who you could meet for lunch, think about it, could be up to as much as 3 hours away !! If he refuses to meet you - WARNING!!! He's hiding something.
#8. All players have a mean streak underneath all that mush. Given time it will surface and when it does, don't ignore it! Does he pout or give guilt when you argue or set boundaries (you say: I need a few days to think about it.... and yet he continues to email or IM you)? Or when you're arguing, does he insist on staying on the computer when you try and phone. If you listen closely on the phone, you just may hear amusement in his voice! Or does he drop offline for days (probably blocking you while chatting to others) when things don't go his way?
#9. Seems that players move fast & quick with the: "I love you's, this was meant to be, it is God's plan, you are my soulmate, we are building a foundation for our love, let's tear down walls and build bridges," etc. Face it, ladies, this happens only on rare occasions and you don't fall in love with someone you have NEVER MET and spent time with.
#10. Even if you KNOW him (from an old job, school, old neighborhood) - if he pushes for quick sex, says he can't control himself, has to be with you - after not seeing or speaking to you for years - LOOK OUT!! This isn't the person you thought you knew.
#11. Surf a couple search engines on his name and nickname(s) and read EVERY PAGE THAT COMES UP... you'd be surprised what is on page 47!!
These men TARGET lonely women in bad marriages/ relationships, who may be abused, vulnerable, naive, middle aged, low self-esteem, disabled, single mothers and/ or are financially stable (so they can empty your bank account) and so on!!
#8. All players have a mean streak underneath all that mush. Given time it will surface and when it does, don't ignore it! Does he pout or give guilt when you argue or set boundaries (you say: I need a few days to think about it.... and yet he continues to email or IM you)? Or when you're arguing, does he insist on staying on the computer when you try and phone. If you listen closely on the phone, you just may hear amusement in his voice! Or does he drop offline for days (probably blocking you while chatting to others) when things don't go his way?
#9. Seems that players move fast & quick with the: "I love you's, this was meant to be, it is God's plan, you are my soulmate, we are building a foundation for our love, let's tear down walls and build bridges," etc. Face it, ladies, this happens only on rare occasions and you don't fall in love with someone you have NEVER MET and spent time with.
#10. Even if you KNOW him (from an old job, school, old neighborhood) - if he pushes for quick sex, says he can't control himself, has to be with you - after not seeing or speaking to you for years - LOOK OUT!! This isn't the person you thought you knew.
#11. Surf a couple search engines on his name and nickname(s) and read EVERY PAGE THAT COMES UP... you'd be surprised what is on page 47!!
These men TARGET lonely women in bad marriages/ relationships, who may be abused, vulnerable, naive, middle aged, low self-esteem, disabled, single mothers and/ or are financially stable (so they can empty your bank account) and so on!!
Ok, there is more to my story:
Yesterday I've had a long chat with her cousin (she's my best friend and we went high school all together). I've asked her about him. She says she has not been in close contact with him for long time but she was able to confirm some of his stories that I'd found suspicious before. She said he's a very talented musician and his parents are very decent people. She said "wait for him to contact you and then meet him at least once in person and find out yourself.
Then, he texted me yesterday night. I was reluctant at first but he kept texting and when finally I replied, he said I hurt him very badly. I said loved him but I can not trust him and it is up to him to make me. (Rememeber I said I do not think he'll ever come back after he screwed up with his lies, knowing he can not deceive me again and knowing I've deleted him from everywhere so obviously I will keep my distance. Therefore when he texted me and tried to have a conversation, I was surprised and decided to at least wait and see).
At the end, I've told him do not contact me unless you want to meet me in person because you'll not get a reply. And I expect you to sort out your problems before we two meet.
He sent another few texts yesterday night and another few today, none of them were answered. I'll stick to my word. If he calls me after getting his life in order and asks me to meet, I'll but without any emotions involved. And I'll not wait upon him to contact me. I'll date other guys, get on with my life and will not think about him.
We'll see 😉
Yesterday I've had a long chat with her cousin (she's my best friend and we went high school all together). I've asked her about him. She says she has not been in close contact with him for long time but she was able to confirm some of his stories that I'd found suspicious before. She said he's a very talented musician and his parents are very decent people. She said "wait for him to contact you and then meet him at least once in person and find out yourself.
Then, he texted me yesterday night. I was reluctant at first but he kept texting and when finally I replied, he said I hurt him very badly. I said loved him but I can not trust him and it is up to him to make me. (Rememeber I said I do not think he'll ever come back after he screwed up with his lies, knowing he can not deceive me again and knowing I've deleted him from everywhere so obviously I will keep my distance. Therefore when he texted me and tried to have a conversation, I was surprised and decided to at least wait and see).
At the end, I've told him do not contact me unless you want to meet me in person because you'll not get a reply. And I expect you to sort out your problems before we two meet.
He sent another few texts yesterday night and another few today, none of them were answered. I'll stick to my word. If he calls me after getting his life in order and asks me to meet, I'll but without any emotions involved. And I'll not wait upon him to contact me. I'll date other guys, get on with my life and will not think about him.
We'll see 😉
Oh and tisair:
I have not slept with him. We just tried phone sex and both of us were uncomfortable and decided not to repeat it.
I have not slept with him. We just tried phone sex and both of us were uncomfortable and decided not to repeat it.
He is crossing boundaries, that is a sure sign he's impulsive and MAY have some mental issues, when a woman says stop contacting me he should stop, not doing as you wish is a sure sign of a manipulative person and his family member is not a real good source of info, she is not going to spread all his business and create conflict in the family but she's giving you sure CLUES that he's not someone she wants to be in contact with, she said she has not been in contact with him in a very long time that means she's actively chosen to keep her distance and she's not going to bad mouth him to you, she's telling you to stay away without actually having to say it because most likely she doesn't want confrontation within the family, DON'T BE FOOLISH....leave this guy alone I know you are not that hard up for a man ponytail, least I hope your not.
It has been two months since I've posted here. My story actually got a very interesting twist, so here is "what happened then":
We have been communicating with him on a daily basis on the phone & texting (except a few 3-4 day breaks due to our arguments). Sometimes I stop communication, sometimes him but we somehow start again.
I've seen him only once during that time but very shortly, he kept promising meeting me after the new year for a real date but it got delayed and delayed and delayed for stupid reasons... So I've given up.
Early, he had been telling me that I could be the one, then slowly he downgraded me to only having some chance, and then no chance -he said he never said he loved me and never gave me any hopes and it was all in my head- and now he claims he has a GF and he's planning to get serious with her and he only wants me as a friend but does not want to meet— (He does not have any GF, I'm sure, because his talks & descriptions of her changes day to day, and whenever he says he met her I find out that he was somewhere else, for instance on the internet or working, he often forgets what he said and when I notice and I confront him these details he tells more stories or he says he was not serious or joking or said it to hurt me etc.) He also told me that he's still infatuated with his ex and he messaged him a few times and if she takes him back he'll try again but does not think that she would so I should not worry about her??
He said I had a chance but I lost it because I was too much controlling and jealous and asking too mush and wanting to know everything. Yes I was asking many questions and confronting him because he often was telling lies or wish washy and I did not trust him. He says I am only paranoid.
Whenever I say it is enough and I do not want to talk to him anymore he gets extremely upset and acts possessive and manipulative. He calls me everyday, sends me dozens of emails and promises he'll meet me. But as soon as I accept he changes and goes back to normal.
Whenever I criticise him, he's not telling the truth, he's not normal and I do not understand him he gets very angry and calls me all kinds of names and attempts to insult me w,th every word and acc??sation that you can think of. But as soon as I stop communicating, he comes back apologizing and saying he was very upset and I should not take his words seriously and that I am so valuable to him.
I also tried to end our "friendship" by m
We have been communicating with him on a daily basis on the phone & texting (except a few 3-4 day breaks due to our arguments). Sometimes I stop communication, sometimes him but we somehow start again.
I've seen him only once during that time but very shortly, he kept promising meeting me after the new year for a real date but it got delayed and delayed and delayed for stupid reasons... So I've given up.
Early, he had been telling me that I could be the one, then slowly he downgraded me to only having some chance, and then no chance -he said he never said he loved me and never gave me any hopes and it was all in my head- and now he claims he has a GF and he's planning to get serious with her and he only wants me as a friend but does not want to meet— (He does not have any GF, I'm sure, because his talks & descriptions of her changes day to day, and whenever he says he met her I find out that he was somewhere else, for instance on the internet or working, he often forgets what he said and when I notice and I confront him these details he tells more stories or he says he was not serious or joking or said it to hurt me etc.) He also told me that he's still infatuated with his ex and he messaged him a few times and if she takes him back he'll try again but does not think that she would so I should not worry about her??
He said I had a chance but I lost it because I was too much controlling and jealous and asking too mush and wanting to know everything. Yes I was asking many questions and confronting him because he often was telling lies or wish washy and I did not trust him. He says I am only paranoid.
Whenever I say it is enough and I do not want to talk to him anymore he gets extremely upset and acts possessive and manipulative. He calls me everyday, sends me dozens of emails and promises he'll meet me. But as soon as I accept he changes and goes back to normal.
Whenever I criticise him, he's not telling the truth, he's not normal and I do not understand him he gets very angry and calls me all kinds of names and attempts to insult me w,th every word and acc??sation that you can think of. But as soon as I stop communicating, he comes back apologizing and saying he was very upset and I should not take his words seriously and that I am so valuable to him.
I also tried to end our "friendship" by m
by making some unforgivable mistakes, knowingly. Just hoping that maybe he would leave me alone. So I tried to get on his nerves and I did manage that and he got very very upset and said he'll never talk to me again and that I am out of his life. But only after hours later he came back apologizing and saying that he wants to be friends and the problem was actually nothing worth to mention and I did not do anything wrong, he's actually grateful to me etc... This happened more than once.
His financial problems got better and I ended up giving him some money but he paid all of them back before the time he promised. So, I know that he does not want me for financial security. he works hard and he loves his job. He still has plans to get more education and concentrating on a few professional studies. He also was on his diet and reduced his smoking. And other than the above, he's a nice guy and a fun friend. I'm telling this so that you would not wonder why I'm still talking to him.
My theory and I've told this to him several times and he claimed it was not true:
1. He still loves his ex and hopes to be back with her one day, but he does not have the courage to try. he did many times and got burned. he's a hard person to deal with and he says she's the same. It's a love and hate relationship. But he's hanging on that.
2. Because of this sick relationship he can not be with anyone. He has been satisfying his emotional and probably physical needs through one nights, phone friends, workplace flirts and maybe short term relationships that he knew would not go anywhere and could end at any time for silly reasons.
3. Then I came in and tried to play the same with me. I was entertaining and it was lighthearted. Then, I took him serious and started to act his girlfriend and became too involved in his life, which he was still hiding from me.
4. I was only trying to help and heal him, but as soon as I get more and more involved, he started to pull himself away. It freakened me out and I called him a player and hurt him. Then, he said we could still be friends but to earn his truest completely, I kept saying I love him and I want to help.
5. Seeing that I stick around, he started to trust me and shared with me his feelings and real life. He still does. He tells me all kinds of details: whet he purchased for his apt, and where he was at 4 last night and his address, etc. he also asks for my help anytime he needs a favor. And he gives me inform
His financial problems got better and I ended up giving him some money but he paid all of them back before the time he promised. So, I know that he does not want me for financial security. he works hard and he loves his job. He still has plans to get more education and concentrating on a few professional studies. He also was on his diet and reduced his smoking. And other than the above, he's a nice guy and a fun friend. I'm telling this so that you would not wonder why I'm still talking to him.
My theory and I've told this to him several times and he claimed it was not true:
1. He still loves his ex and hopes to be back with her one day, but he does not have the courage to try. he did many times and got burned. he's a hard person to deal with and he says she's the same. It's a love and hate relationship. But he's hanging on that.
2. Because of this sick relationship he can not be with anyone. He has been satisfying his emotional and probably physical needs through one nights, phone friends, workplace flirts and maybe short term relationships that he knew would not go anywhere and could end at any time for silly reasons.
3. Then I came in and tried to play the same with me. I was entertaining and it was lighthearted. Then, I took him serious and started to act his girlfriend and became too involved in his life, which he was still hiding from me.
4. I was only trying to help and heal him, but as soon as I get more and more involved, he started to pull himself away. It freakened me out and I called him a player and hurt him. Then, he said we could still be friends but to earn his truest completely, I kept saying I love him and I want to help.
5. Seeing that I stick around, he started to trust me and shared with me his feelings and real life. He still does. He tells me all kinds of details: whet he purchased for his apt, and where he was at 4 last night and his address, etc. he also asks for my help anytime he needs a favor. And he gives me inform
information about his family, I already know all his cousins' names and what they are doing, etc. So I know he trusts me.
6. However, he does not want me as a GF. Because he's aware that my love is for real because otherwise I would never stay, I 'd have been gone already. I take all his faults and forgive him and come back to him when he needs. And for that same reason, he says that he can not be with me. that would not be fair to me because he has somebody else (his ex) in his mind and heart. he knows that if we start something, even only sleep together, he'll have to end that one day. So he wants me to forget about him (but not leave??).
7. Therefore he does not want to meet me. Because if he does, it would be another step towards a relationship. He's scared.
I have told him about my theory and said that my advice to him would be to leave his past behind him and forget about his ex, stop pushing me away, I love him and I can make him happy but he should give us a chance. And I told him that I will not buy this friends bs, because if he wanted to be friends, he would have met me face to face. Plus, I do not want to be his friend, I want to be friends and more. And I can not act like I does not. So I said until he accepts that he loves me (he does, I know because he can not leave me and follows me around, calls and texts all the time) I would never talk to him and keep playing this game with him again.
I have texted this words to him clearly today, he replied saying I betrayed him by accepting to be his friend and then negotiating now like a trader and that he's done with me. I know he does not. He now waits for me to call him but I will not... So maybe this story will end.
6. However, he does not want me as a GF. Because he's aware that my love is for real because otherwise I would never stay, I 'd have been gone already. I take all his faults and forgive him and come back to him when he needs. And for that same reason, he says that he can not be with me. that would not be fair to me because he has somebody else (his ex) in his mind and heart. he knows that if we start something, even only sleep together, he'll have to end that one day. So he wants me to forget about him (but not leave??).
7. Therefore he does not want to meet me. Because if he does, it would be another step towards a relationship. He's scared.
I have told him about my theory and said that my advice to him would be to leave his past behind him and forget about his ex, stop pushing me away, I love him and I can make him happy but he should give us a chance. And I told him that I will not buy this friends bs, because if he wanted to be friends, he would have met me face to face. Plus, I do not want to be his friend, I want to be friends and more. And I can not act like I does not. So I said until he accepts that he loves me (he does, I know because he can not leave me and follows me around, calls and texts all the time) I would never talk to him and keep playing this game with him again.
I have texted this words to him clearly today, he replied saying I betrayed him by accepting to be his friend and then negotiating now like a trader and that he's done with me. I know he does not. He now waits for me to call him but I will not... So maybe this story will end.
Sorry for the typo, I'm in a rush and it was again a long post!
He's not a bad man and I still believe that he can be better. I can not make that change, he has to want that. So I do not know what will happen next. But I'll stick to my word and will not call him unless he takes a good look at in his life & his inner world, accepts the reality of the things and makes some though but necessary choices.
He's not a bad man and I still believe that he can be better. I can not make that change, he has to want that. So I do not know what will happen next. But I'll stick to my word and will not call him unless he takes a good look at in his life & his inner world, accepts the reality of the things and makes some though but necessary choices.
Ever heard of the words, if you love them, then let them go? If you truley DO love him, then you WILL let him go. Why? Because it's not fair to him that you place all these conditions on him, expecting him to consolidate himself into how YOU think he should act based on your notions of love.
It's not fair to you that you place yourself in that position where he can be abusive towards you. Just because he doesn't lay a hand on you, doesn't mean that his demeanor is abusive towards you.
Besides being a Virgo, majority of people hate being alone. It scares them and people who hate being alone will do some ridiculous things. From what you have posted here, sounds like he used you during his tough times, and you probably thought that because you were helping him out and giving him money that you guys were in some kind of relationship. You probably started making demands of him that freaked him out.
I'm sorry to say this to you, but he used you. And now he's going to treat you like it's your fault. The more complicated the matter, the easier it is for him to shine the heat off of his behavior. Learn the lesson that has been served to you, and don't allow another man treat you like this. Why would you want to have someone like that in your life—? He is manipulating you, and he's doing such a good job at it that you think that his behavior is due to him not being able to conform to your "boundaries". You think you have the upper hand in this situation, but the bottom line is, he played you like a fool.
Never, never, NEVER give your hard earned cash to anybody. Especially to a man who cannot handle his own business. He can go to his mommy and hit her up for cash, but to accept money from a grown ass woman— Heck no.... that is not a grown ass man!!!!
It's not fair to you that you place yourself in that position where he can be abusive towards you. Just because he doesn't lay a hand on you, doesn't mean that his demeanor is abusive towards you.
Besides being a Virgo, majority of people hate being alone. It scares them and people who hate being alone will do some ridiculous things. From what you have posted here, sounds like he used you during his tough times, and you probably thought that because you were helping him out and giving him money that you guys were in some kind of relationship. You probably started making demands of him that freaked him out.
I'm sorry to say this to you, but he used you. And now he's going to treat you like it's your fault. The more complicated the matter, the easier it is for him to shine the heat off of his behavior. Learn the lesson that has been served to you, and don't allow another man treat you like this. Why would you want to have someone like that in your life—? He is manipulating you, and he's doing such a good job at it that you think that his behavior is due to him not being able to conform to your "boundaries". You think you have the upper hand in this situation, but the bottom line is, he played you like a fool.
Never, never, NEVER give your hard earned cash to anybody. Especially to a man who cannot handle his own business. He can go to his mommy and hit her up for cash, but to accept money from a grown ass woman— Heck no.... that is not a grown ass man!!!!
Posted by Sekhmet
This guy's story reminds me way too much of my 2nd husband (not a virgo - a taurus with sociopath rising). He did & said just enough, just the right things to hook me. I was also in a strong position with work & money & friends, etc and thought I could deal with his problems just fine.
Turned out his wee bit of jealousy was the cover up for being a violent abuser, his troubled break up was that his ex had him thrown in jail & a restraining order put on him, turned out his unemployment was because he preyed on women to support him instead of working, turned out his money troubles were self-inflicted and not even my cancerian financial superpowers were enough to protect me from his thieving.
Obviously I'm biased by my experience, but the surface similarities compel me to add my warning. Wait him out. Stay in touch. Meet him even. But don't join your future to his until he's got a good solid track record of his own acheivement to bring to a relationship.
WHHOOOOOOAAA!! Hold that right there, you just compared a virgo with a taurus....bad joojoo! I had to stop, to comment on this. I don't know if someone already commented on this but oh well....Taurus people seem to be violent and lazy (personal experience).
Posted by oddball73
Hey pony,
Your first string of posts made it quite clear to me...You spelled out what you need and want from a relationship. He has assessed that, and he KNOWS he cannot provide you with all of those things. Because virgo's are usually pretty honest, and he obviously cares about you, it sounds to me like he wants you to go and find someone who will provide you with what you want and need to be happy.
Perhaps you 2 are better off as friends, for now at least...No matter what words come out of his mouth, pay more attention to his actions.
Right on the money!
@Pony, just move on, and have this guy as friend. He couldn't be more clear than he is now in telling you to move on.
Posted by Sekhmet
LOL MsInternational...like you said, actions not words. If a virgo acts like a taurus 😉 😛 Maybe Pony's vigro has taurus influence....
Yeah that's true. Well if you don't know where he was born & all that stuff, here is some info:
August 29 Birthday Astrology
Virgos born on August 29 have a strong life-force that's expressed through their emotions. They have the potential to lead an extraordinarily spiritual life, though they must come to grips with their personal relationships first. They need to follow their own paths.
Virgo Information
for August 29
You should embrace: Clarity, balance, emotional transcendence
You should avoid: Insecurity, self-criticism, compliance
Friends and Lovers
Though they may have only a few friends, the ones they have are devoted. They are likely to befriend individuals who are like them. They are often defined (or allow themselves to be defined) by their romantic associations. Commitment can be difficult for them.
Children and Family
August 29 natives often have a troubled past they would just as soon forget. These Virgos put all their energy towards being loving and sensitive parents. They must learn to let their youngsters take a few emotional lumps now and then.
Health
Individuals born on this date often favor a type of health and fitness program that seems extraordinary or strange to others. They're sticklers for cleanliness. They have an almost spiritual attachment to exercise, which gives them a sense of power and centeredness.
Career and Finances
People born on this date are creatively intellectual. They extract the maximum amount of wisdom from every experience. They often pursue careers based in scholarship or that require extensive academic training. Money is just a means of exchange as far as they are concerned.
Dreams and Goals
August 29 men and women try hard to come to terms with the difficult times in their past. This is their mission in life, yet it's not an easy one. Personal relationships need special attention from these men and women, who can feel emotionally isolated at times.
Ok I'm off to bed.
Posted by msInternationalTeasePosted by Sekhmet
This guy's story reminds me way too much of my 2nd husband (not a virgo - a taurus with sociopath rising). He did & said just enough, just the right things to hook me. I was also in a strong position with work & money & friends, etc and thought I could deal with his problems just fine.
Turned out his wee bit of jealousy was the cover up for being a violent abuser, his troubled break up was that his ex had him thrown in jail & a restraining order put on him, turned out his unemployment was because he preyed on women to support him instead of working, turned out his money troubles were self-inflicted and not even my cancerian financial superpowers were enough to protect me from his thieving.
Obviously I'm biased by my experience, but the surface similarities compel me to add my warning. Wait him out. Stay in touch. Meet him even. But don't join your future to his until he's got a good solid track record of his own acheivement to bring to a relationship.
WHHOOOOOOAAA!! Hold that right there, you just compared a virgo with a taurus....bad joojoo! I had to stop, to comment on this. I don't know if someone already commented on this but oh well....Taurus people seem to be violent and lazy (personal experience).click to expand
OMG, he has a Taurus moon!
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We are from the same town, went to high school together, were in the same class for two years but were not friends, not hanging out together. Then last month, after 18 years of no contact and no news whatsoever, he finds me on one of those social networking websites through a mutual friend and messages me saying hi. It turns out that we live very close. First I do not recall much about him, and when I tell him that he seems upset. Then we start messaging every couple of days. It's merely what's up, and what you've been doing stuff. He says he went to college and became a trained musician. I tell my own story. He appears very nice, warm, kind and interested and keeps asking me new questions. But he mentions that he has not been socializing much lately and from time to time appears in a low mood. After 10 days we agree to hang out sometime and exchange phone numbers.
He texts me a few days later and asks me if he can call. I text him back ok and he calls. We have a very long (more than 2 hrs) and fun conversation about our past and present. He shares some of his troubles briefly, especially talks about a fiance with whom he had a very bad break up a few years back. We also find out that my best friend in high scool (with whom I still keep close contact) is a close relative to him. This brings us even closer.
Then beginning of December, he goes out of town to visit a friend and our calls become a daily routine. I tell him I am looking for a job and he gets involved and asks me daily how my interviews are going and motivates me. I am hesistant and silent mostly, but appreciate and welcome his advancements. Then we talk about his music one day and he says he has composed a piece for me. From then on, we behave like high school kids flirting and showing care for each other all the time. He starts joking about him falling for me and me falling for him and I joke back "in your dreams". He also jokingly asks me what I think about marriage. But we are still "friends". In the mean time he slowly starts to release more info about his life and tells me that he is broke and his fiance turned him into a wreck. After their break up he quit working, consumed all his savings, became overweight and his self confidency was gone. I sho sympathy and