I am up, I am down, I am all around confused, but

yet I am found. Virgo, he is the most wonderful person in the world to me, he occupies my every thought, I have tears of joy, tears of rain, that come from much pain.
Been here on and off, been up and down, been in and out, push pull typical description. Words do not match actions w/this Virgo. Reality, I am not getting what I want, he is, and this does not work for me. Thus no matter how much, how deeply I love this man, he is not on the same page I am. Thus, nothing wrong, just not getting what I want from the relationship, my needs are not being met. I will not sacrifice what I need, for what he wants, even if it is all good. Hard hard hard to realize and see, swallow, even worse, harder to act upon, and still do me, be me, be the one he can confide in, trust, depend on to vent and know he is safe. Oh boy, talk about wear ya down and out, hurt beyond reason and enough to make you want to curl up in a ball and not get outta bed. But because this is who I want to be, who I really am, minus the pain of love of a broken heart, due to my own choices. Man its hard to do what I see as the right thing, I sent him a "dear john" email weeks ago.................Its not easy being me, I am not sure its really easy being him. Dy, I wish I could take a journey through his mind, and he through mine. When I reared up and stood up for myself, he had no real tolerance for it. He has apologized, right along w/expressing how I can not be harsh.........well, that was mild for me really. I have to be me, I am a strong, independent, ambitious, aggressive woman. I am no door mat, except for him.

July til now................its been a great time, I would not have missed it for the world, I could have missed the pain.

" ...... just not getting what I want from the relationship, my needs are not being met. I will not sacrifice what I need, for what he wants ...."




And yet, this is exactly what you've been doing for over a year. I think it was December '08 when you first started to become his doormat.

And the words in this post have been said by you over and again this whole time .. only for you to lay at his feet again to be used.

And during the times he is using you .... you come in here and shout to the whole world how happy you are because he loves you.



This appears to be a Gemini flaw .. I wish you could grow from it because it isn't an endearing quality that shows deep love, commitment and tolerance ... it's a disturbing quality that shows zero self esteem and desperation.


Why do you do this to yourself PGA?

Do you hate yourself that much?

PGA that was a deep post, you are very in tune with your feelings, I'm not sure if I can give any words of wisdom right now, I'm not familiar with your story. Maybe you can share more and we can all give you some insight if you truly want it.

P-Angel made some poignant observations....

Posted by P-Angel
" ...... just not getting what I want from the relationship, my needs are not being met. I will not sacrifice what I need, for what he wants ...."




And yet, this is exactly what you've been doing for over a year. I think it was December '08 when you first started to become his doormat.

And the words in this post have been said by you over and again this whole time .. only for you to lay at his feet again to be used.

And during the times he is using you .... you come in here and shout to the whole world how happy you are because he loves you.



This appears to be a Gemini flaw .. I wish you could grow from it because it isn't an endearing quality that shows deep love, commitment and tolerance ... it's a disturbing quality that shows zero self esteem and desperation.


Why do you do this to yourself PGA?

Do you hate yourself that much?

NEVER ONCE can you find where I said "he loves me" PA
reality
I love him. simple
not a bad thing, not a door mat, but yes, love!

you are correct, its been two and a half years on and off, this time we seen each other since July, and.....your point is? I allowed, I am responsible and I am simply sharing here PA, no more, no less! For the "answers" can only come from within myself, and him. Not even he alone can give any answers to "us" as it takes two......

Thank you for your wish, as I have grown from "it" our relationship, so has he. I have no regrets, there is nothing wrong w/someone loving someone else on a level that is not returned, nothing at all. I made the choice to stop seeing him this time, we talk, its no "bad break up" PA, its real, its life, and it only is between the two of us, best part, I have no regrets.

I believe its a fish flaw to jump to conclusions and attack others for your own self esteem there PA, I dont feel the necessity. I love me some me!!!!! No desperation, hell PA, men are a dime a dozen, I just chose a different path that works for me, that is all, and I am glad its different, most appreciate what I share, not attack it......damn, do you really hate you that much to cause drama from something that really does not have ANY effect on your life?
I gots betta things to do, enjoy your lovers holiday PA, you need to get LAID! 🙂

Posted by tiki33
PGA that was a deep post, you are very in tune with your feelings, I'm not sure if I can give any words of wisdom right now, I'm not familiar with your story. Maybe you can share more and we can all give you some insight if you truly want it.

Yes, me living my life and sharing it here, it is deep for me, thank you for recognizing that, I appreciate it, I truly do. I like to think I am in tune w/my feelings, I dont think I do such a great job of keeping him in tune w/them. My story is long, and someone else could sum it up better than me, who has lived it, I am so damn detailed in my "story" I have a hard time cutting it short.
Does he care for me on some level, yes, he does, and what we share is still deep between us, the hard part of "walking" is I love him, and the heart always wants to hold on and hope for "something" to come about, well, as I shared w/him, he will realize it, one way or the other. Time makes the heart grow fonder, absence of each other has only grown our feelings, that is mutual, the connection is strong. We will remain friends somehow, some way, I sense that, I am just not sure that he will ever be on the same page as I. He sat out to be alone, he is determined, he is a Virgo! 🙂

P-Angel made some poignant observations....

click to expand

whats new about that? LMAO she doesnt get to me like others, I see right through her and know many like her, she just forgets to act her age sometimes, or maybe she is acting more like a cantankerous old hagg? SORRY PA, but sheeeeze!

Okay so I went back and read your old post were you said he was married when you met him and you both hooked up and then he divorced and you 2 hooked up again. I'm inclined to say this was a foundation based on sex/fwb, I believe this is why there are so many strong emotions on your part, although I'm sure he's made you believe he's really into you, the rollercoaster ride of push/pull somewhat speaks for itself which is he was never ready to be single and in love, he was never emotionally available if he was married when you met him and I don't see how he could have gave you much more than he could give considering he went from married to divorce with no time in between to be completely on his own. I don't how in the hell you did 2 plus years on that ride, your self esteem is most likely damaged over this relationship.

You said to P-Angel you chose a path that works for you...But how? How did dating a married man soon divorced work for you? Your in deep pain and your not together and when your together your still in pain disguised as happiness.

Denial is strong, when we love someone we want to defend our reasons and decisions for picking the men we pick to love and we also tend to defend bad treatment because deep down we want to covet our relationships. It's not enough your broken up, you have to evolve from by understanding the mistakes you made and begin to stop defending those errors, you can't learn if you believe all your choices were right, obviously they weren't right or you would not be here mourning over a man that is unavailable.

Unless you hear to just vent, if that's the case then vent away.

Posted by tiki33
Okay so I went back and read your old post were you said he was married when you met him and you both hooked up and then he divorced and you 2 hooked up again. I'm inclined to say this was a foundation based on sex/fwb, I believe this is why there are so many strong emotions on your part, although I'm sure he's made you believe he's really into you, the roller coaster ride of push/pull somewhat speaks for itself which is he was never ready to be single and in love, he was never emotionally available if he was married when you met him and I don't see how he could have gave you much more than he could give considering he went from married to divorce with no time in between to be completely on his own. I don't how in the hell you did 2 plus years on that ride, your self esteem is most likely damaged over this relationship.

This relationship has been on and off, not on, on, on, and you are absolutely correct, I walked in the beginning knowing he could not be ready for me, or so I thought, and I believe still that to be true. As well, he needed to be on some of his "own" time period, as he has done that too.
For me, IDK about the damage, I am still really taking some inventory on that, really looking at it all. No one will realize that the love they have is not being reciprocated w/out feeling some sort of loss, or pain, its only human nature to feel the fact that love is so indescribable and for me, on this level, has not came into my life quite like this ever before. I have not felt this depth before, makes it more difficult to look at what is going on more difficult and do what is best for me and healthy for me more difficult, fear of costing myself exactly what i want.

You said to P-Angel you chose a path that works for you...But how? How did dating a married man soon divorced work for you? Your in deep pain and your not together and when your together your still in pain disguised as happiness.


I was happy when we were not together, even as he was asking to see me this past year 2009 and i denied him for sometime, finally I choose to see him again, and thus, here we are now. I did not date a married man!!!!!! The night he and I initially met only was he married, he literally went home to leave within 48 hours or so, and got a divorce, literally that fast after our first meeting. With that said, yes, he had somethings to deal

damn, it cut me off lady, sorry!

You said to P-Angel you chose a path that works for you...But how? How did dating a married man soon divorced work for you? Your in deep pain and your not together and when your together your still in pain disguised as happiness.










I was happy when we were not together, even as he was asking to see me this past year 2009 and i denied him for sometime, finally I choose to see him again, and thus, here we are now. I did not date a married man!!!!!! The night he and I initially met only was he married, he literally went home to leave within 48 hours or so, and got a divorce, literally that fast after our first meeting. With that said, yes, he had somethings to deal with, and I did not need to be around effecting those decisions,there fore, I was not.

Unless you hear to just vent, if that's the case then vent away.





I am here to simply share.....beyond that,
maybe some venting is going on, sure, venting, not mourning his loss or a unavailable man, just dealing w/the choice I made, and yes, it feels like a loss, he has not gone anywhere, we are in contact. There are no restraints needed ladies..........he is as free today as he was day one, with me, now his x, she has tried to fight, but it is me he comes back too, it is me he confides in, it is me he tells what is going on in his life, with his family, and no, we are not FWB and NEVER have been.
This man is serious about life and does not act lightly upon his actions, those are there too, I do not chose to put everything out here, for he is also a private man, and I respect that as well.

And please tell me, who is not miserable w/out the love of their life ? he is so uncomfortable in life right now, so am i, but it is where it is and what it is. I wont abandon him, I also wont be taken advantage of either, so dont think doormat..........I am really working here trying to describe where it is and what it is........I am not going to wait on him, I am taking time to heal to be available to others and not too hurt someone else, I did that last year too, not what I want to do.

But let's keep it real, you slept with a married man, be it once it was still sleeping with a married unavailable man, he left that marriage but his heart sure hadn't left it, he's been dealing with the wounds of failure and guilt for quite some time I'm sure, it takes time to get over a relationship be it a good one, bad one, volatile one filled with animosity and hate, no matter it still take time. I have seen many women make poor decision with men and to make what she did alright she would continued on with it, many women with commitment fears tend to choose inappropriate partners which always seem to be unavailable in some way and because it was inappropriate day one it never last and then she's stuck nurturing a broken heart for way longer than the relationship lasted.

I dunno if you noticed but if you had had some boundaries which included never sleeping with a married man or dating a recently divorced man you would have never had to endure this kind of emotional hardship, maybe it's time you reassert some boundaries in your life that protect you.

I just feel it's important to actually take resposnibility and ownership of your mistakes, I don't really see you doing that and until you do your going to be living denial and feel defensive and once you feel defensive you will defend your decisions even if they were mistakes. Sometimes we as woman have to deal with the uncomfortable discomfort of knowing we may have made an error by choosing a certain significant partner, we have to grow up, be mature and stop defending ourselves so we can evolve and move past the errors and correct ourselves. You were always a rebound

Overall I feel you are dealing with it the best way you can but I will say this, you don't recognize that your self esteem has taken a hard hit, your still being his rebound, listening to his problems, letting him rebound to you when his life with his X gets hard, he may be divorced but he's still very much involved with this woman, that is called being a doormat believe it or not, I just feel you don't understand what being a doormat is and you have so much pride you would never consider that you are being his stepping stone doormat, we don't say that to put you down, it's not about that, it's about REALITY, seeing the reality of it so you can change certain behaviors that enable and encourage this man to treat you this way. You think it's sharing and confiding but it's not, it's him USING you as a doormat because your available. Your self esteem is damaged because your not protecting yourself, you should have went no contact a long time ago so you could heal and see things clearly as to not allow him to use you to vent all his problems too and be his off and on sexual source of comfort to relieve himself emotionally and sexually.

Posted by tiki33
Overall I feel you are dealing with it the best way you can but I will say this, you don't recognize that your self esteem has taken a hard hit, your still being his rebound, listening to his problems, letting him rebound to you when his life with his X gets hard, he may be divorced but he's still very much involved with this woman, that is called being a doormat believe it or not, I just feel you don't understand what being a doormat is and you have so much pride you would never consider that you are being his stepping stone doormat, we don't say that to put you down, it's not about that, it's about REALITY, seeing the reality of it so you can change certain behaviors that enable and encourage this man to treat you this way. You think it's sharing and confiding but it's not, it's him USING you as a doormat because your available. Your self esteem is damaged because your not protecting yourself, you should have went no contact a long time ago so you could heal and see things clearly as to not allow him to use you to vent all his problems too and be his off and on sexual source of comfort to relieve himself emotionally and sexually.

thank you for sharing with me, openly and honestly. I am and have been considering several of the things you mentioned here. Still am.

As for a mistake, yes, I can admit that, and have to him as well, w/no regrets currently. I had them. I did/do have the boundaries you mention here, I broke them w/him, that is a fact, day one.

I am constantly working on changing me, so your input is appreciated deeply, really.

I would like to share more w/you, but not on a public board, but privately if you wish.

I have a new support to do what I am doing, a self support and support of others, that is much needed, but I will not make him out to be a "bad" man, for he really is not, but he is in a bad place, not quite himself, this I know. She has been around in and out, you are correct, and those times we have not had contact to my knowledge. He is getting better, but has not hit the bottom yet I do not believe. I also believe, it is then if ever he will truly appreciate me for who I am, and what I have been,and the cost to myself.

ultimately, I am a believer, and it has been in GOD's hands since day one, and somehow, I always know when its time to go and heal me, and move forward. As I have done again.

"I also believe, it is then if ever he will truly appreciate me for who I am, and what I have been,and the cost to myself."




:::: shakes head :::::



Martyr to the very end of yourself, pridefully.


One day, I hope you actually open your eyes, so you can see.

Posted by P-Angel
"I also believe, it is then if ever he will truly appreciate me for who I am, and what I have been,and the cost to myself."




:::: shakes head :::::



Martyr to the very end of yourself, pridefully.


One day, I hope you actually open your eyes, so you can see.

Eyes wide open "P" and I am still learning........I did not do any of this in my youth, and so glad its no longer than it is, as strange as that may sound, but "P" love is love and I am old enough to know the difference and yes, we all are blind and dumb and do strange out of character things when it comes to love, I am not alone, nor really unique..........if you do not know this, than you do not know true love, and dont talk smack to me, I did my 18 year prison sentence, and the marriage/relationship was not all bad, mostly good actually. Produced two above average members of society, one champion/national champion who will soon hopefully be a Olympian.......so, with that being said, dont act like I dont have a clue, I got one!

I hope for that to be true some day.

Gem Angel --

I was thinking of you the other day and was wondering about your child soon to become part of olympics 😄

Watching the games, one can see what effort lies behind also when you calculate out of how many millions of a country's citizens, only few reach thus far.


Now coming to your Virgo Man, honey, just listen to your intuition. Although some things may seem predictable, you never know what the future can hold. His presence makes you happy, but when time is ready, you will decide for yourself what works best for you.

AND

thank you for posting on here. Some visitors to these boards may not post, but they may relate your story to their own experiences. One thing we Venusians need to remember is that WE as a woman DO NOT necessarily look for solutions every time we open up our mouths.... we just want to talk and we need a neutral listener.

also Gem Angel...

I was wondering the other day about you and your V-man

Posted by tiki33
PGA that was a deep post, you are very in tune with your feelings, I'm not sure if I can give any words of wisdom right now, I'm not familiar with your story. Maybe you can share more and we can all give you some insight if you truly want it.

P-Angel made some poignant observations....

TIKI thank you! I got it, I am mulling it over, looking at it, and dealing with it and I know you know what I mean, thank you sooooooooooo much!

accomplished, **** dang I fixed it before it went, and yet it didnt fix.........my bad!


The typo queen! LOL 😉

Posted by Perfect Gem Angel

Posted by tiki33
PGA that was a deep post, you are very in tune with your feelings, I'm not sure if I can give any words of wisdom right now, I'm not familiar with your story. Maybe you can share more and we can all give you some insight if you truly want it.

P-Angel made some poignant observations....

TIKI thank you! I got it, I am mulling it over, looking at it, and dealing with it and I know you know what I mean, thank you sooooooooooo much!

click to expand

You are very welcome PGA, stay focused, don't fallback, you can still turn it around but you can't fallback on old habits anymore, that's not effective. I'm here if you need me.

Posted by FUMRedFairy_tales
also Gem Angel...

I was wondering the other day about you and your V-man

http://www.ocusports.com/index.aspx?tab=wrestling2&path=wwrestling<BR>

a link to her team


I hide the rest since i had put so much info there, I hope you understand.


He and I spoke last night, tiki, he has read and re-read the email.
He is a typical virgo, as he took his time, he analyzed, he tested, he looked and now, he was "forced" to express this time, as I was not backing down or away from what works for me.
No I didnt see him, we talked on the phone for a while, we will finish this discussion, which is decisions we both can live with, face to face, before the end of the next week.

If it was up to him, we would have done that last night, and we may tonight, I am not trying to "punish" him, just taking my time as well, I see that he is "now" ready to do this, yet, I am still not sure he really is................he is hurt, you cant hurt someone whom doesnt care, fact.

Posted by tiki33

Posted by Perfect Gem Angel

Posted by tiki33
PGA that was a deep post, you are very in tune with your feelings, I'm not sure if I can give any words of wisdom right now, I'm not familiar with your story. Maybe you can share more and we can all give you some insight if you truly want it.

P-Angel made some poignant observations....

TIKI thank you! I got it, I am mulling it over, looking at it, and dealing with it and I know you know what I mean, thank you sooooooooooo much!

You are very welcome PGA, stay focused, don't fallback, you can still turn it around but you can't fallback on old habits anymore, that's not effective. I'm here if you need me.

click to expand

Thank you, I need you!!!!!!!