Outside perspective on Virgo situation

So, I am in love with said Virgo man. The connection we have has spanned so many years but we lost touch etc. He got back in touch 10 months ago after seeking me out specifically. We re-connected instantly and despite reservations due to the distance we couldn't help ourselves and have been LDR ever since. It has been intense, in such silly ways. Almost falling over each other whenever we are not at work etc. However, He is having some stresses right now with his current environment (work mostly) and I was really busy to hand in a project and the day I handed it in he kind of got emotional? Said he was feeling unhappy and needed space to figure out why. After two days I hit him up and he outright ignored me and I pushed too hard for communication. Which I know and we have since spoken about. Basically, he said he realised how he was feeling had nothing to do with me after taking a weekend for space. Now, he said he knows what he needs to do in order to get his life in a happy place, and loves me doesn't want to and won't be seeing anyone else but feels like he cannot give me what I will need. We had a long talk and so much pressure was taken off the situation - we haven't labelled what we are but we both promised and agreed we are in love and won't seek anyone else. He is not communicating as often as he used to though and I know this is part of our new agreement but I feel even my most basic messages are being ignored so he can focus on himself - I support this I am just having anxiety as it is such a difference compared to how attentive be was before. Mostly via text message - we have been having small phone calls where he sounds affectionate and will tell me he loves me etc before going.

My question is - Am I being irrational and anxious for nothing? Should I focus on myself and let him have space to re-centre and that is all his lack of communication is or is he just not giving it to me straight that his feelings have changed?

What's his Venus? What's your and his Mercury?

He is being genuine in his feelings for you. You are important enough for him to communicate his status to you rather than ghost you. What your Virgo was undergoing was a period of analysis on the relationship. The space needed was to reevaluate if it was something to move forward with or cut if off there given the relationship being an LDR. Sounds like his decision is seeing a long term relationship with you. His mention of not being able to give you what you need is his indirect admittance to putting his heart on the line. Constantly reassure him that you are there and keep being sweet and lovely. He will appreciate it more than you know.

His attempts at communication is to be more personal via phone calls. And I agree, communication is very important for LDRs. We are not the best with it and will need nudges now and then, but be reassured our SOs are on our minds. Always.

Have you two had any talks of the ultimate goal as far as living arrangements?

@Virgorean

I am unsure what his Venus/our Mercury are, my apologies.

Thank you for your insight, I am continuing to send messages each day keeping them positive etc. Starting to find it incredibly challenging - it is very hard not to let things creep into one's mind. I am at the stage where I don't want to regret anything since we keep being pulled back to each other, our connection is amazing.

Originally we had planned that I was going to visit for 4 weeks at the end of this month. If that was to go well then we would assess the next step of moving permanently. He still wants me to go, I am hesitant and suggested maybe we should wait a few more weeks since he raised the needing space situation. I don't want him to feel more pressured etc.

I don't really know how to navigate this at all. Trying to do what feels right but I do not want to give up on him or us but at the same time, the pull away is really painful at times for me.

It's ok to create reassurance, but don't be overbearing about it. What's your sign, btw?

Would you move to him or would he move to you? If he is asking to see you then he is not feeling pressured. Quite the opposite, he is feeling comfortable and your presence provides that for him. What is refraining you? Fear? What do you fear?

Take it easy. No need to rush all in. You can communicate your concerns once you see him in person. Have a deep and meaningful talk to help ease your mind and then enjoy the rest of your vacation trouble-free.

Im a Capricorn.

Both of us are in the position to move, I can move quicker but I feel he wants to move to me more so.

I am just fearful his feelings have changed. When he originally needed space to figure out what was making him unhappy he was quite cruel about it and I backed off completely. He came to talk a few days later saying he realised I was not the cause of his unhappiness and he missed me and felt weird without me. Ever since then his communication has been sporadic - will ignore my messages which isn't something he has ever done before. That has left me feeling strange and questioning if he is sincere, which makes me feel guilty.

For example yesterday morning I tried to call him to say good morning etc before I went about my day - He didn't answer so I left him a message and told him I loved him etc. He did not acknowledge or respond to it at all until the following evening. He called and gave me the 2nd degree about where I'd been what I had been up to why I hadn't messaged since the morning. On previous days I've continued to send messages throughout the day without responses and I feel overbearing plus pretty sad he has a lack of acknowledgement. I fully respect his need for space to sort out his stresses but I just would like the same respect for my feelings at times too.

Posted by CAPHR
Im a Capricorn.

Both of us are in the position to move, I can move quicker but I feel he wants to move to me more so.

I am just fearful his feelings have changed. When he originally needed space to figure out what was making him unhappy he was quite cruel about it and I backed off completely. He came to talk a few days later saying he realised I was not the cause of his unhappiness and he missed me and felt weird without me. Ever since then his communication has been sporadic - will ignore my messages which isn't something he has ever done before. That has left me feeling strange and questioning if he is sincere, which makes me feel guilty.

For example yesterday morning I tried to call him to say good morning etc before I went about my day - He didn't answer so I left him a message and told him I loved him etc. He did not acknowledge or respond to it at all until the following evening. He called and gave me the 2nd degree about where I'd been what I had been up to why I hadn't messaged since the morning. On previous days I've continued to send messages throughout the day without responses and I feel overbearing plus pretty sad he has a lack of acknowledgement. I fully respect his need for space to sort out his stresses but I just would like the same respect for my feelings at times too.

Caps and Virgos make a wonderful pairing 🙂. Explains the strong connection.

I'd hold off on contacting him then. And acknowledge his lack of communication. Be more firm about it because it seems he is either brushing it off or something has been bothering him lately. Definitely needs a talk. That being said, I'd highly suggest halt talks about moving until this is sorted out, else, it will continue to be a problem near or far.

I don't think you're being irrational at all. The way you feel would make sense. He's making it confusing.

I think he's thinking too much about the potential relationship and not seeing it for what it is. As in he's thinking about you and himself and probably his old relationships and if the relationship will last and his insecurities and how he's afraid it'll be ruined.. he's over thinking making sure everything will be perfect but the truth is, nothing's perfect. And it'll be hard to sway his mind to realize that. You can point it out to him, and I think it would light a bulb, but until he truly understands that himself, it's going to be hard to get him out of analysis paralysis. He needs to stop worrying because nothing is perfect and he's going to regret ruining a potentially good relationship.

In the mean time, I think the best way for you to cope with this is to spend time with friends. Connect with them, tell them about the situation, have a few drinks, nights out, nights in. Take your mind off of it because all this confusion is coming from him. There's not much you can control other than making him realize that having feelings and not being perfect isn't so bad. But again, that's on him.

I have been focusing on myself - I just finished my Honours degree so it is an important phase of my life 🙂

We have spoken a few times since all this happened and he tries his best to be reassuring. After taking time away from all the methods we use to communicate he expressed worry and 'where have you been?!' even though he hadn't responded to my message. He is at a crossroads in his life where he needs to put a lot of time into his career development (he has no formal qualifications and has just got his foot in the door in the industry he desperately wants to be in) he has expressed that for the next few months his time is going to be limited. I ended up being more assertive in our conversation today as he has been wishy-washy, this seemed to spark a reaction to an extent. He wants to have no labels on our relationship until he achieves this qualification as it will consume his time and he said he feels guilty spending time away from me to work on this. He is very adamant that he has feelings for me and will not be pursuing anyone else, does not want me to either and said we will be stronger in the long run by him taking this time for his career. I think what I take away from what he says is that he personally needs this distinction to be able to step away. He has been contacting me regularly and he is sincere and expresses feelings for me etc.

I still don't know why something is making me feel uneasy. This is not our first rodeo together, we have had this connection for so so long and it is never good timing. Is his approach maybe maturity so we can actually have a good chance in the near future? Or am I being super naive lol :/ I feel I am somewhat blinded from my usual logic due to my feelings for him. Hence why this is all remuneration in my mind.

Please continue to live your life & detach from him as much as possible & just be friendly. If someone is unsure about an 'us' then you need to be unsure about it also, IMO. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

There's a saying: "a relit cigarette never tastes the same, and that's all I'll say about rekindling old flames"

Good luck ?

Posted by CAPHR
I have been focusing on myself - I just finished my Honours degree so it is an important phase of my life 🙂

We have spoken a few times since all this happened and he tries his best to be reassuring. After taking time away from all the methods we use to communicate he expressed worry and 'where have you been?!' even though he hadn't responded to my message. He is at a crossroads in his life where he needs to put a lot of time into his career development (he has no formal qualifications and has just got his foot in the door in the industry he desperately wants to be in) he has expressed that for the next few months his time is going to be limited. I ended up being more assertive in our conversation today as he has been wishy-washy, this seemed to spark a reaction to an extent. He wants to have no labels on our relationship until he achieves this qualification as it will consume his time and he said he feels guilty spending time away from me to work on this. He is very adamant that he has feelings for me and will not be pursuing anyone else, does not want me to either and said we will be stronger in the long run by him taking this time for his career. I think what I take away from what he says is that he personally needs this distinction to be able to step away. He has been contacting me regularly and he is sincere and expresses feelings for me etc.

I still don't know why something is making me feel uneasy. This is not our first rodeo together, we have had this connection for so so long and it is never good timing. Is his approach maybe maturity so we can actually have a good chance in the near future? Or am I being super naive lol :/ I feel I am somewhat blinded from my usual logic due to my feelings for him. Hence why this is all remuneration in my mind.

First a momentary congratulations on your degree 🙂.

And now the nitty gritty: While it's nice that he continues to work on his career goals with you in mind for the long haul, there needs to be a balance of some sort to include you in it if he is as serious about you as he claims. Words are merely nothing more than words if not backed by actions. He is a Virgo, he can make it work on a timetable via our specialty of organizaction skills ie. time management to allocate a designated time for your full undivided attention without interruption. While routine it can become, on the flip side it creates an excitement that gives the both of you that particular moment you both can look forward towards. Akin to counting down a new year. Offer it as a suggestion, stress the value in it. If it's important to the ones we care strongly about then we will have no qualms about compromise.

I believe your uneasiness derives from not having a labeled relationship. You are likely to view it as him having a foot out the door in the event the relationship goes south since nothing was deemed official. On the one hand, you need it for security and it solidifies your reassurance, but on the other he may view it as an additional risk while he is already burdening the risk of his career. The questions you must ask yourself is how important is the label to you? If not as important, does his actions back up his wording? And the other question to ask yourself is how likely is he to commit after he fulfills his qualifications? Are you willing to be as patience as he requests? If you give him this, have him specify definite terms of commitment. And this could be a discussion about requesting other compromises such as the timetable I suggested above. You have been yielding thus far, it's time he meets you half way.

Thank you 🙂

I am going to try and remain level headed and just see how this naturally plays out. Put my anxiety to one side and trust him. I am going to suggest scheduled time - so far it seems to be a Sunday but not enough time has passed to see if this will be a constant or not.

I am willing to do this for him, but he also needs to stay checked in like you said! I guess this will make us or break us.