sad virgo

Today I have learned from a mutual friend that Mr. Virgo's father had cancer 😢 He is still out of town so I have not spoken with him for the past two weeks and I do not have details (how long he had it etc.). The last time I spoke with him was the day before he left but I did not know he was leaving next day then, he did not tell me that. It was strange because I was expecting him to do some work on our project so I thought he could have told me that he would be out of office but he did not. So I thought something was wrong. I mean he either had to go on a short notice or he did not want to discuss where and for what he was going to. He was kind of absent minded, too. He is normally very talkative, kind and generous but the last two times that we talked he was speaking less and looked like he had something in mind.

I am very sorry for him. I lost my aunt form cancer 10 years ago so I know how it is. Also, he is the only child, so I assume he has to be with his family (and for Virgos, family is very important) more often now, and he is trying to take care of them by all means. I hope he does not feel alone...

I remember seeing some threads here on DXP regarding how Virgos deal with diseases like cancer or with a loss of their loved one. I could not find them. But as soon as he returns I will try to talk with him, try to learn more about the situation -without interfering too much- and will offer help as a friend. I do not want to atrract him now or anything, I am sure he does not have time or in the mood for love. I just want to be his friend. I do not know what I can do for him, to comfort him and to share whatever he's dealing with right now. But I want to be by his side and be useful in case he needs it.

GG

awwwwwwwwwwwww i hope u pull thru dis difficult times that are ahead i lost ma aunt who died from cancer as well so i feel for you and don't worry Virgos are strong he will be alright it will take some time but he will come out on top


stay strong and be dere for tha person.

Like any sign/person, just be there for him when he wants/needs to talk. My Virgo still mourns for his wife who died 3 years ago after a 10 year illness. None of us can say how long anybody should grieve for - everybody is different but its always good to know that somebody is around just to listen and not judge 🙂

I found it really difficult to accept that my Virgo couldnt move forward at one point but who the hell am I to say when is the right time for him? My brother is going through this right now - only days ago he lost his best friend and partner of 5 glorious years - a short time but they were so much in love. He is coping and wants to honour her wish of not dwelling too long but the mind works in strange ways. Just like my brother, Mr Virgo spent a great deal of his life with her looking after her (which of course comes naturally for them).

Your Virgo is taking care of business and grieving - just be there when he comes back. A shoulder and an ear is sometimes the greatest gift anybody could give. So often people are too busy to seriously care or be bothered and this is so not a Virgo. They always seem to make all the time in the world for those they love and care for but rarely ask for it to be returned but Im sure he will treasure it when you do give that to him 🙂

Well, he came back last week and I've still not spoken with him. I had sent a small email to him while he was gone and the day he came back he responded to that, thanking me for my thoughfulness and kindness. I told him his dad will be in my prayers and altough I am neither a family nor a close friend, I am available whenever he needs someone to talk to. From the tone of his message, I could feel he appreciated this a lot. However, he did not say anything about his father and just wrote "we will talk sometime soon". And after that I have not heard from him at all. I have not even seen him online. I am worried about him but I feel like I should give him sometime and wait for him to come to me. I do not think he does not care, because he could not even respond to my messages regarding our project team this week. But I am also thinking since he did not want to talk about it, maybe he does not feel me that close.

I am thinking doing something nice for him, like a favor or something so that he can feel welcome to share. Any ideas on this?

I think I found something:

I have bought two books today: one is an inspirational story called Mutant Message Down Under and second is Livestrong by Lance Armstrong which features many survival stories. I want to give them to Mr. Virgo tomorrow as a present for his father for Father's Day. I thought since he'll be resting during his treatment for long period of times, he may be interested in reading them which hopefully can do him some mental/spiritual healing. (I don't have a father so I won't be celebrating FD anyway, so by accepting my present, he'd be like doing me a favor in a sense).

Do you think that's too mushy?

I sent the books the other day with a touching message. No response. He disappeared. He does not go online (or maybe finally blocked me, although I do not think he would do it because other than just to enjoy some quiet time alone, he does not have any reason to do it). He does not response my project related messages on time either. And since a last minute thing came up, I also missed a chance to see him this week in our review meeting 😢

In the meantime, the only tiny bit of info that I was able to get about his dad's situation is that he already had one operation. They are considering chemo treatments now, but are reluctant. It must be though...

I want to call him just to make sure he is okay, but don't want to look like I am trying too hard to get involved. I should respect his privacy if this is what he needs.

Yes you need to respect his privacy, people deal with grief in different ways and he hasn't opened a door for you to come into his world so dont add to the load that is on his mind.

GG you need to step right out of the picture, your constant attempts to befriend this man is doing nothing more than him keeping you at arms lengths. If he wants you in his life he will let you know but the more you are circling around and contacting him it is likely that he will run the other way!

And you need to work on getting yourself a life, possible without him in it!

He called me yesterday and we spoke like 20 mins. He said he took another week off to make his dad's arrangements at the hospital. His dad is checking in to a private clinic. He thanked me for the book and apologized for not calling earlier. He said it was a very thoughtful thing and he liked it. He asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. Then he promised to dedicate more time to our project once he gets back.

I am relieved a bit now. At least I know that his dad is not in critical condition.

I also noticed someting different this time as he was talking. His voice was smiling and he sounded more comfortable talking to me about his family. Like I was no stranger anymore.

He'll be back in two days and we will probably see each other within the next two weeks.

By the way, I am not sure why but whenever we talk over the phone, a lot of misunderstandings happen, both ways. this is quite strange because it does not happen to me with other people (and no, I am quite calm when I speak with him, so excitement can't be the reason)!