Sex with Virgo friend

I've known this man for most of my life, and we spend 5/7 days together working on our hobbies and projects. This has been for the last year or so. Around that time his long-term girlfriend broke up with him, could tell it was affecting him but he didn't talk much about it.

I had been harbouring (secret) feelings for him that have grown deeply ever since, but never made a move out of a deep fear of hurting our friendship and knowing he wasn't really ready for anything yet.

Our families are friends, we spend most of free time together, travel together etc. We have everything in common, our personalities are very compatible and we laugh a lot!! Yadda yadda yadda, he recently began to show more... Doing everything for me, driving me everywhere, helping me around the house, fixing things for me, asking me a million questions about all my ex boyfriends, asking me what i like in men, why didn't have a bf etc. He supports me in all areas of my life - he is always there and I do everything I can to support him back. He is extremely talented and I make sure he knows as often as I can, and I show my appreciation for all the little things he does for me. I really am grateful to have him in my life. A few months back he was contacting me constantly, texts, emails, IM etc this went on for about a week and then we spent our holidays together, with our families. (platonically) After that he cooled down again, and I figured he was just feeling emotional with the holidays. But then last month it started again, the texts were flirty/sweet. He showed physcial affection, hugs and cheek kisses.. he's rarely been physically affectionate. We had sex a few times the next week IT WAS AMAZING! but then he freaked out, an anxiety trip. Saying he didn't want to ruin our friendship, how he cares about me, likes me a lot, has so much respect for me. Then he told me he didn't want to have a girlfriend, and that he would be into "dating" me with but he couldnt make a commitment.

Is this a virgo thing, guy thing, is he JUST NOT THAT INTO ME?

It's hard to believe someone who you are so close to can just turn it all off so quickly. I asked him and he admitted to having some feelings for his ex still. He obvoiusly cares about me but I have been told over and over, if a man wants to be with you, if he really likes you, he will do anything to make sure you don't get away. I told him I can't really do the casual thing. I'm willing to be patient but is he a lost cause? I'm DEVASTA

oops, that cut off. devastated. I love Virgos and want to know how I can make him happy without compromising myself.

His feelings for his ex could be in the way.
Sounds like he doesnt want to be commited right now.

You are in a tough spot because you obviuosly feel stronger for him than he does for you.
The choice is up to you to wait or stay friends and move on.

Yeah, it took me a while to get out of that denial...I was just hoping that maybe he was just doing one of those virgo push/pull things and he would come back full force. He came on really strongly, could not hold back his affection and emotions!! I can't wrap my head around it.

He's been away (and busy) for work for the last month, coming back next week, and the contact is less but still pretty normal. I don't initiate much of it. I figured, when a man knows that you feel strongly about them and they don't like you back they are usually uncomfortable? Virgos especially, who can't handle messy emotions. but he still spent all his time with me and continued to act hot/cold as usual.

I have to stay friends with him, or a least pretend to... because it would affect both of our lives too much to split up.

I'd like to think I can move on but I know when he's back and we get back to our work (we are business partners, travel a lot together, i hardly have time to meet other guys, and when he's around he gets possessive if i flirt with other men) I'll fall back into that comfort zone...of me pining away while holding back my affections.

I don't want to burn any potential bridge to something with him, but I guess, if a virgo is telling you something there is no hidden meaning? As a libra i have often in the past said the opposite of what i meant, to cover my feelings.

sorry im blurting out so much heat! I just feel so immersed in him and while he's been gone i've depressed and in hiding. From my experience, waiting around for a guy, giving him all the sex in the world and hoping he will come around has never worked. I always got burned. i feel like i only have one choice, to suffer either way!

Hello california girl i am in a similar boat with a female virgo . we went on a few dates , she progressed quicker than i did and when i read a text she sent im falling for you well i dove in to. Now she is moving in reverse at light speed and totally freaking me out. I have never had a female do to me what this is. I can honestly say i have never been so confused as to what th hell happened SYNDROME in all my life LOL. Im with you i dont know what to think. Atleasst you got to have sex. I stopped it just to show her i care for her and that im in it for th long haul. Now she barely talks to me barely returns my emails and wont go out with me. Shes not mean or ugly about it she said shes been singl for 10 yrs and its just hard to open up. I can understand that but hell atleast friends talk. Th more i read i am seeing this is a very common virgo characteristic. but what the heck am i supposed to do — She got me to fall for her and then leaves me with my heart in my hand. YES it hurts like hell . Im a GEMINI and we are emotional now im seeing th virgos are not. GOOd luck and i truly wish you th best California girl.

peevans, did you tell her the reason why you didn't have sex with her? I know that virgs can be really sensitive but also have to maintain a cool exterior, showing those feelings will make them look weak and they can't have those protective walls crumbling down around them to leave them exposed! Maybe she felt rejected....women in general can be very sensitive to feeling attractive. Sometimes we'd like to think that you want us (physically) so bad that you can't do anything to stop yourself. I'm not saying this is the case or that it is your fault, but maybe that is something. Heck if I feel burned i retreat into my shell and put those walls back up so effing fast...I'm sure I've unknowingly broken a few hearts in this manner.

Moonman, i'm sorry to hear that and I'm glad you got some answers here....I hope I can get some more as well! I sometimes think that if my guy could in better conscience without destroying all we've worked for, he would fly away and ignore me as well. Maybe I'm projecting but I feel like a loser and he probably really doesn't want to be responsible for my emotions.

i wish i could stop feeding myself all these excuses for his behavior, and see it for face value. I'm getting there but then i pacify myself with all the ifs ands or buts.

any virgo men out here than can shed light? i do want to treetrunk him like mad again, but i hate feeling like i am feeling more emotions and the other is just feeling the walls of my ******. makes me feel degraded.

::: shakes head at the stupid people who just because they have unrealistic expectations of other people, then it equates to the other person being in error, in their puny minds :::



I literally have no sympathy for you in your situation .. because you brought all on yourself for being an idiot.

Clearly, the man is just a friend and always has been, while you have taken his gestures of his friendly nature to mean more because your mind is too puny to realize anything else, and then put an expectation upon him, as if it's his duty to adhere to your level of insanity, for your benefit because you're too small to take charge of your own life.


He didn't have sex with you ... you had it together, you made your own choice to do that to yourself. You are attempting to use what you did to yourself, by saying he did it, so he therefore must be feeling you. When in reality, he isn't feeling you like that and even said so. But, your insanity (due to being emotionally weak and therefore having a hungry heart which doesn't mind using a friend to feed on) now attempts to commit his feelings to you, according to you.



Seriously ... what the fuck is the matter with people.

Hi P Angel!

You might be correct about a few things, however I sense you are a bit negative. You certainly have strong opinions! That's always fun.

In my opinion, gestures of a friendly nature don't include incessant contact, flirting, physical contact, wooing and making the first move to kiss me. Was organic, and we both wanted it. He did tell me he has feelings for me, I just realize now they are not as strong as my own.

He's willing to have something with me, but I just know in my heart (yes it is very hungry) that I PERSONALLY can't handle a "casual" relationship. I'm very sensitive and somewhat old fashioned...

I told him the other option is to remain friends and if he ever changes his mind about wanting a girlfriend, well he knows where to find me. I am not using an ultimatum as a manipulation, it's genuinely how I feel. I just know that we are going to end up sleeping together again unless I stay very very strong. He is respectful and wont make overt advances towards me.

While I realize you are sort of a butterhead, you're onto something about the expectations I had. I certainly was hoping and expecting that things would progress since we really care about each other a lot, and he's told me he has "more than friends" feelings that transcend sexual desire

Mainly, I just want to know if I continue to "date" him casually or whtaever it is, is this something that is normal for Virgos to do at the beginning or not? He actually said he didn't want me to have expectations, not elaborated. I assume that means "dont expect me to be your boyfriend" - however he already does everything a boyfriend does, one you add sex to the equation all that's left is fidelity but i would never pressure him in a million years.

Again, I'm of the belief that if you like someone a lot you don't risk losing them.