So I actually think I am learning about Virgo

I'm rather new, and sure I am driving you regulars crazy with 'does he/doesn't he?' babble.

But, I want you to know that your feedback, and reading the other posts has helped me immensely, and also given me direction in dealing with the Virgo of my eye.

I have learned to be clear about my feelings, but not overly clingy or too emotional too quick.
and then to be PATIENT and not panic!!!

I have done this quite recently, and stood back, and let Virgo come to me.
I had been concerned that I was chasing him, and he was just too nice to tell me to go away.
I thought perhaps his silence was his way of walking away or saying 'finally..... she's left me alone'.

So I was quiet, and quite sure it was over and trying to figure out HOW in the world I would forget him.

But I would return and read your posts, and it reminded me that Virgo is just such an endearing, intelligent sign, that I had to hang on and wait.....

And he came to me!!!! without alot of hearts and flowers, but in an undeniable way, he made his concern and feeling known.

I feel I have some direction in communicating with him, and it is you here on the board that re-inforced the feelings I already knew.

thank you

Hi Fabricgirl- How long did it take him to come back to you? I am glad that it worked out for you. 🙂

I agree with nakedgirlavalanche, patience is key to a virgo's heart, and then when you feel that it's the right time to step in, go for it!

What's your sign Fabric?

Awwwww. A calm and collected one for you dudes. I feel all warm inside.

to answer the questions:

1) I was born July 24, and am on the cusp between Cancer and Leo. I don't feel as brave and courageous as a Leo, but I do have some dramatic moments. I am also very shy and feel emotions strongly like Cancer.

2) There was little response for about a week ( one 2 word text) and then NOTHING for 2 weeks. So basically 3 weeks of non-communication.

We had been talking every few days - sometimes many times throughout a day. Then it slowed up a bit. I texted/emailed about 2 times, with no response. I didn't want to keep contacting him with no response, so I stepped back, and figured he was busy. But it was driving me absolutely crazy! Then I was sure that he was stepping back and walking away, and I knew I wouldn't chase him. I can't chase.

3) Then, when I am ready to admit to myself that he is gone, he emails me "Are you OK? I was deeply worried....."
Those are the words he used.... deeply worried.....When he says that, he means that.

In my heart, I would blurt out to him, that I am very insecure and that I am sure he wouldn't be interested in me, and when he is quiet, I am convinced he is finished and walking away, and was just being nice....
But I would NEVER do that. The emotional wave would rise up and overtake him, and he would feel drowned, and would quickly swim in the other direction.... lol.

So it is those 'quiet' periods that are challenging to me.
But from what I can see, he is just busy or distracted or intent on his business. I really like that busy bee/attention to detail side of him....

so that's the plan, so far.

Posted by nakedgirlavalanche
Patient really is key, I've walked away from relationships for the simple reason that they wanna pace everything in full speed fast well that's what it felt like and then I have this pressure that I need to open up and talk about my feelings, past, etc. Take my shirt off soon in front of them anticipating if they're gonna spill the three lettered words. Seriously, it's too soon take your time it'll be worth it trust the virgos.

Wish I would have read this a month ago. Well, I was actually very patient the second go round...not the first. But when she came back, it started again with sex, but this time she took it to a whole new level and some of the messages i would get basically said she saw a future with me and she was all over me. I finally told her how nice it would be to be part of her life more. Didn't get a response from that, but still other random contact. That made me crazy enough to utter the L word. That got a silent period of a few days. drove me crazier, so I messaged to ask if plans were still on for me to come visit. She said she would find time to call in a day or 2. I waited 4 before touching base again. Finally we spoke and she explained how me saying the L word really threw her and caused her re-evaluate the reality of the situation (temporary long-distance relationship) and it wasn't a good idea for me to be spending money to come visit for a number of reasons mainly because it's gonna be a few years before she comes back and she is not even 100% sure of that. Again i screwed up and followed up with an email explaining that it was her hinting at the future first, so at one time she saw one. The response was that she was feel warm and fuzzy at that point, but shouldn't have gone there. Then said, "you are a really cool guy and i dont want to regret hanging out with you"... "really cool guy?" Seeing that made me think it's definitely done for one reason or another. (my gut says she has her eye on someone else, since it's happened before)

Anyway...I digress...guess I should've practiced more patience a few times, or wish I had. I definitely will now tho since there isn't much I can do but beg which I can't do. "Patience is a Virgue"

You guys are all confirming the gut feelings I have. Which makes me actually feel better about feeling worried.

I have even come up with a formula for dealing with my Virgo of my eye.

1) A technical question about aTV show or data, will get an immediate or soon response.

2) An email with an emotion in it (like I cried when I got your gift) -- 1 - 3 days before response.

3) A message or conversation with "You are just such a sweet ....." -- w'ere probably looking at 4 - 5 days while he processes it, and then feels safe to come out.

I say all of this with a smile, because it is the sweetest thing. I have learned a fair bit, and I hold back, and give him space, without disappearing -- because then --- he gets worried!

But at least it confirms he didn't walk away when he had the chance, and leave me there, standing, feeling stupid.

Let's see what happens.
I have to say I really really appreciate the honest insight.

Posted by Fabricgirl

I have even come up with a formula for dealing with my Virgo of my eye.

1) A technical question about aTV show or data, will get an immediate or soon response.

2) An email with an emotion in it (like I cried when I got your gift) -- 1 - 3 days before response.

3) A message or conversation with "You are just such a sweet ....." -- w'ere probably looking at 4 - 5 days while he processes it, and then feels safe to come out.

I can confirm this based on a virgal I used to see. But...when she got to that 'warm and fuzzy place', I would get responses back much sooner and sometimes even she sent them first and it was awesome!

if your virguy is the same, good luck getting him to that warm and fuzzy place. i know for me it wasn't until I started giving her great sex until those types of messages started to come out of the blue.

As a Leo he will appreciate your direct and forwardness.

He's already into you so problems will only arise when you all start arguing.

Leo women respond in fear with anger. Virgos interpret this anger as false, making us angry.
Then the pride bloats up and no one wants to concede the loss.

Virgo being the level headed logical one, is more often than not right.
Leo being driven by fear will say something vile to further offput the Virgo.

That's how it goes, otherwise... bliss.

Now Cajun, here is where I don't know if I am a TRUE Leo. (afterall I am on the cusp)

When I am angry or upset, I clam up. There have been a few instances where I felt strongly about something, and he has given me a calm level-headed explanation etc., and of course, he was right.

My response has been to smile, and acknowledge that he is right and not go on a rant or hold a grudge.

I may get a bit indignant at things inside, but I don't show it on the outside.

I don't know if that's nature or nurture. I have already endured 25 years in a very abusive controlling relationship with an Aquarius. This may have been suppressed out of me.

Anyway, I hope you Virgos weren't offended by the analysis, it was just an overview, and a way for me to step back and give hims some space and smile about it, instead of getting all wound up.

We'll see what happens.

P.S. on the 'warm and fuzzy place'.

We're not at the physical place yet, just mental/emotional back and forth.
BUT sometimes, he will, kind of out of nowhere text me with a "you're perfect, you know"
For no reason.

And from what I have learned here, on dxp, when a Virgo tells you something like that, using the words PERFECT and YOU in the same sentence...... Well, it's like Mecca or heaven, or whatever!!!!!


hahahaha

🙂 This is what it's all about though, getting to know someone well. And it sho' nuff feels fine.

Posted by Fabricgirl

When I am angry or upset, I clam up. There have been a few instances where I felt strongly about something, and he has given me a calm level-headed explanation etc., and of course, he was right.

My response has been to smile, and acknowledge that he is right and not go on a rant or hold a grudge.

I may get a bit indignant at things inside, but I don't show it on the outside.

That in itself is a problem. Hiding your feelings from him will cause him to probe.
We Virgo men know when something is wrong. I personally become very upset when I know something with a woman is wrong and I ask what's going on, to be met with a denial.

I don't know if that's nature or nurture. I have already endured 25 years in a very abusive controlling relationship with an Aquarius. This may have been suppressed out of me.

click to expand

Aquarius is the opposite of Leo.
My aunt (Leo) is presently going through the same dilemma with an Aqua man.

I hear what you are saying Cajun.

It's not so much that I appear upset, and he asks me what's bothering me and I say "nothing!" and continue being upset.

I am concerned about how much emotion I show in a response to something, because I have read that too much emotion can send them packing.....

this new 'relationship' comes at a time when I am also re-accessing my own responses to things, after so many years 'locked up' with Aqua. I have to honestly say, that sometimes my mind jumps to an incorrect response.

I'll give you an example: Aqua was cheating by meeting women on the internet dating sites.

When I questioned/called him on it, he denied denied denied denied, and I believed him!!

When I found out that he was doing this and lying to me etc., it made a mess with my own self-trust.
I should have listened to the voice inside.....

So now, when I don't hear from someone, or they are spending alot of time on the internet etc., immediately think, "They must be cheating on me, they are just hiding it.


I'm not saying this is a good way of thinking, I am saying this is the result of the situation I was in.
I am aware of it, and anazlying why I do what I do,
So sometimes the anxiety I am feeling is coming completely from within and the journey I am on.

I don't think it's fair to dump the whole thing on Virgo right now. Not at this stage of the relationship.

So feeling like I want to stalk his every move and then being convinced he is cheating..... is NOT something I would reveal. Not now, anyway

I don't know if that helps or hinders the situation Cajun, but I'm trying to be honest...

I just don't think it should be this much work. If someone likes you and you like them, why all the games and trying to figure out strategies about how to deal with them? It should just be simple or not be at all. Of course, that's not the way it works. I'm not judging, I've gone through it for years. I'm just SICK of it, I wanna be able to be real with someone.

It's definitely a hindrance... doesn't sound like you're in a healthy state of mind to date.. at all.

He's going to figure out this insecurity sooner or later. I think you should let him know, up front.

Posted by Fabricgirl
You guys are all confirming the gut feelings I have. Which makes me actually feel better about feeling worried.

I have even come up with a formula for dealing with my Virgo of my eye.

1) A technical question about aTV show or data, will get an immediate or soon response.

2) An email with an emotion in it (like I cried when I got your gift) -- 1 - 3 days before response.

3) A message or conversation with "You are just such a sweet ....." -- w'ere probably looking at 4 - 5 days while he processes it, and then feels safe to come out.

I say all of this with a smile, because it is the sweetest thing. I have learned a fair bit, and I hold back, and give him space, without disappearing -- because then --- he gets worried!

But at least it confirms he didn't walk away when he had the chance, and leave me there, standing, feeling stupid.

Let's see what happens.
I have to say I really really appreciate the honest insight.

Hahahahaha!!!! Love this!

Posted by virg_goki

Posted by VirgoVixxxen

Posted by Fabricgirl
You guys are all confirming the gut feelings I have. Which makes me actually feel better about feeling worried.

I have even come up with a formula for dealing with my Virgo of my eye.

1) A technical question about aTV show or data, will get an immediate or soon response.

2) An email with an emotion in it (like I cried when I got your gift) -- 1 - 3 days before response.

3) A message or conversation with "You are just such a sweet ....." -- w'ere probably looking at 4 - 5 days while he processes it, and then feels safe to come out.

I say all of this with a smile, because it is the sweetest thing. I have learned a fair bit, and I hold back, and give him space, without disappearing -- because then --- he gets worried!

But at least it confirms he didn't walk away when he had the chance, and leave me there, standing, feeling stupid.

Let's see what happens.
I have to say I really really appreciate the honest insight.

Hahahahaha!!!! Love this!

hmmph! tell me about it! we've become a textbook topic. and a scientific one even. I'm disappointed

click to expand

You are too cute! Tell me VG...why the disappointment? To be a 'textbook topic' is not such a bad thing. That means we're worthy/important enough for someone to consider even dissecting us the way that the op has with her virguy. We're such a complex breed that we make people want to research, evaluate, investigate, analyze us etc, etc. We're interesting and people realize that. Take it as a compliment.

I am quite aware that I have been 'altered' by my past abusive relationship. These last 2 years, I have been growing as an individual and becoming more confident and secure in who I am.

But sometimes along that path, you see or hear something, and it makes you take a step back, and the old insecurities pop up. That's how I see it. I pick myself up and keep moving forward.

I am not hiding who I am from Virgo, I am cautious about how much information is dispensed at one time, BECAUSE I am aware that excessive emotions can overwhelm them. We have had some serious discussions and he has related some info about his life/past as well.

I agree with Cajun too, that he is most likely more aware, as he is extremely perceptive about many things.
But at the end of the day, it is my decision how much I talk about, and when. That's part of being me, too.

When there have been quiet pauses, I realize that Virgo might be thinking I can't do this, and I step back and allow him to process his feelings.

But STILL there is that strong attraction -- which I can't completely explain.

This is moving slowely and I'm certainly not packing my bags and moving in.

I can't see going to Virgo and saying "This has to stop.... I'm too sick for you!"
And I also don't think I can just work work work, and then work some more - 8 days a week, and not have any interaction with anyone. It's also through the interactions that you grow.

I came to the Virgo board to see if there were any personality characteristics that might shed some light on the thinking processes of this incredible man. And I have learned alot.

I've learned alot about Virgo, and alot about me!

Posted by Fabricgirl
You guys are all confirming the gut feelings I have. Which makes me actually feel better about feeling worried.

I have even come up with a formula for dealing with my Virgo of my eye.

1) A technical question about aTV show or data, will get an immediate or soon response.

2) An email with an emotion in it (like I cried when I got your gift) -- 1 - 3 days before response.

3) A message or conversation with "You are just such a sweet ....." -- w'ere probably looking at 4 - 5 days while he processes it, and then feels safe to come out.

I say all of this with a smile, because it is the sweetest thing. I have learned a fair bit, and I hold back, and give him space, without disappearing -- because then --- he gets worried!

But at least it confirms he didn't walk away when he had the chance, and leave me there, standing, feeling stupid.

Let's see what happens.
I have to say I really really appreciate the honest insight.

That is so right on with what I've encountered with my virguy friend!
We have a really tight friendship, but I still do the cancer thing and worry a bit. Now I just know to not clench up on it and wait til he feels like coming around, and he always does, double what I'm used to from him. He's so used to my ways now that he'll tell me not to email him one day cuz his computer is broken (which it was), even tho I hadn't planned to, since he is used to getting email from me after we hang out. Makes me laugh cuz I know he expects me to behave certain ways that used to spook him. Now he knows it's just me, and I'm not going to overload his circuits. We've gotten to the point where I've learned to be more laid back and he hunts me down to confirm hooking up.
I'm a cancer with leo rising btw...

Posted by rdiana
I just don't think it should be this much work. If someone likes you and you like them, why all the games and trying to figure out strategies about how to deal with them? It should just be simple or not be at all. Of course, that's not the way it works. I'm not judging, I've gone through it for years. I'm just SICK of it, I wanna be able to be real with someone.

Well if you read enough virguy posts here, you figure out pretty quickly that most virguys are very indirect people, for all they claim to be uncomplicated. They analyze like crazy, but if someone else does the same, they get upset. They judge and categorize, but when it's done to them, it's overreacting, overanalyzing etc.

Reading how the virguys here deal with relationships, it seems like a graduate course in strategizing is a priority. But if you point that out, they say you're wrong.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, just inconsistent.

I have no idea WHERE my moon is, Sandy C, but it helps to hear that others experience the same thing.
If I seem a little emotional, Virgo will 'check' on me, just to see that I am still standing. I think it's so funny, and we joke about it; which kind of makes it a little less imposing. And just a human characteristic.

I so enjoy hearing about the other Virgo guy responses, because it tells me to be patient, and not panic.

I devised the 'system' just to humour myself and to take a step back and smile.


It helps me not to take myself so seriously.

Now Virgo_goki and you other guys. I did not do this because I felt you are objects.

It was #1 - I am paying attention
#2 - Don't get your fur in a knot, Fab, he's just processing what you are saying - you laid the emotion on a bit thick.

If the roles were REVERSED, and someone tried to create a pattern for me, I might initially question it, but afterall, he is watching and listening enough to have given it some thought.

What has surprised me about the theory, is how many people have commented on how that is what they experience as well. Which might prove the personality of astrology or not.

I'm not upset Virgo_goki - you don't have to apologize.
I knew that you were joking.... truly I did!

I just meant....think about it as I am interested enough to analyze it!!!
That's a Virgo thing, and MY thing. Study something, and figure out what makes it tick.

I have benefited so much from the input of all of you on dxp - especially the Virgos.
Please always say what you mean!

'Well if you read enough virguy posts here, you figure out pretty quickly that most virguys are very indirect people, for all they claim to be uncomplicated. They analyze like crazy, but if someone else does the same, they get upset. They judge and categorize, but when it's done to them, it's overreacting, overanalyzing etc.'

Fabric girl this is so true, because virgos are also VERY intuitive and sensitive. We seem to sense the slightest vibes coming from people, and then of course we have to analyze them. You can act as cool as you want, but we SENSE it as if you'd spoken it aloud. My experiences with Virgos, including myself, is that they are very honest, sometimes brutally honest. try not to let your past experience effect your ability to trust. If someone is up to something, you will find out in due time. Don't look for it though!

rdiana, that is exactly what I have been thinking! I know that Virgo is this way, and I am just so drawn to him, and his qualities. I don't mind the analyzing (I think it's cute/funny - though I would never laugh at him) and I am getting more used to the silences (introspective time for him). I find the deep feelings/calm exterior very intriguing. Maybe because I see it.

It was what to do with the feelings inside of me, that was my challenge. I didn't want to read things into his actions, and just blurt it out, and possibly overwhelm this guy with things that weren't an issue right now. It's not about being honest, or sharing everything etc. It's about dealing with my past, moving forward, and through assessing the situation, growing as a person.

Some have suggested that I be completely 'honest' and tell him everything. Be myself. Which is good advice in many instances.

But what if my problem were fear of heights? And during our initial discussions, and deep conversations, I didn't bring it up. What if I were working on my fear of heights, by myself, or in therapy?

If we weren't at a point where my fear was an issue, why would I mention it right off the bat!

Now, when one day, he suggests that next week, we go up the Empire State Building, I could say, "You know, this hasn't come up until now, but I have always battled a fear of heights. As a matter of fact, I am actually seeing a therapist about it."

This would come after he knows the kind of person I am, has seen my good and bad sides and has a senseof who I am.


That's just my take on it, that's all.