so in love with this Pisces chick...

that i don't know what to do with myself anymore.

a few months ago i met this pisces chick, we hit it off first via the net and then irl (don't talk to me about net relationships). she does live in a different country though. she's about 120 miles from here (netherlands vs belgium).

but quite soon after i met her i got some sort of HRP (Happy Relationship Paranoia) and though she is the first girl I've ever been with like this, ever been this close to, I keep being scared that she'll go or that I'll not love her anymore and that I should go and this fear got worse.

the irony is that she really is the greatest thing ever to me and she has kept every single one promise she has made to me. she'll call me at 5 am when i'm anxious and scared and she'll help me out and listen to me and make me feel better. the problem is that even though we see each other quite a bit (like, idk, once every 10 days or so on average), i feel very alone when she's not here and i feel like i need her every minute of the day, and i have a big trust issue in admitting her so close to me.

it just gets worse and worse and even though she's amazing at dealing with me, helping me make schemes to make myself occupied, making promises she holds, never violating trust, i still feel like i'll be left or hurt or that i will get too attached and hurt. but i really can't bring myself to let go of this girl because damn she is the best woman i've ever met. i love her.

note: i'm already seeing a psychologist, i figured solving my issues to make us both happy was a better course than being an idiot

what is a virguy to do?

I wasn't anyone before her all that much, really... I sort of had an existential crisis before that too. She just makes me feel happy. I know that's slightly unhealthy but I've never known what's driven me in life. I know she can't make everything go away. But she's very devoted to helping me do it and I think it would be good if I let her in to do that. I know I need to find myself again, but isn't it worth sharing that with her if we both want that? I think she too wants to share that with me.

I sure need to try that, I find that hard though...

I should send her flowers for her patience though. she's working so hard and cleverly to help me it would be ungrateful of me not to acknowledge it. i need to find myself again, but i can't do it without her. not because she is going to have a hand in finding me but because she's the only person at this point in time I trust to be with. i don't think i can honestly live with myself if i let her devotion go, it means a lot to me to see her love me like this. i don't want to hurt anyone. i know i'm not perfect but at least i can strive to attain and to give her my best. doesn't she deserve that for all the energy she puts into me? i know she has her flaws too but damn i am really grateful for what she does. i know it is hard for me to reciprocate it but I want to give it my very best because I owe her that.

wouldn't finding myself mean putting energy into improving myself which would improve not only me, but also make it easier for her to deal with me? i don't want to trespass on her patience more than I should and the earlier I find myself the more we can be happy together. shouldn't that mean i can actually face my issues, be with her, and ensure she doesn't work in vain? walking away from it feels to me like a betrayal of her trust and effort. she doesn't deserve such a cowardly move. and i shouldn't walk away because I have problems, I should face them instead; and the more I can face together the better I should feel doing it.

the funny thing is she's kept every promise she's made so far

moon in cap I guess?

How ironic... Every pisces girl I've ever come across has basically been a bad girl in sheep's clothing. Go figure...