The Virgo-ex -- the one I truly love

Hi. I wasn't a new member. I was here a long time ago, now back again motivated by the "same" purpose.

First of all, a little history. I broke up with a Virgo (male) more than two years ago despite his insistence not to. But finally, being the Taurus that I was, I got my way of course. He was heartbroken. I was stubborn. The reason for the break-up, my own silliness, mostly.

In these two years, we kept to doing our own things... we pretended to not know and not care what each other were up to. The truth is, I have never forgotten him. He has always been in my mind, every minute of it. My conviction oscillates from one end, convincing myself that I should forget him and move on, to the other end, believing that we are meant to be and someday we will be together again.

Within these two years, we had some rare contacts where we either ended up becoming friendlier or avoiding each other. With technology, I am able to keep myself updated on his life, and him on mine, and I do feel that he does it deliberately knowing I will find out about him through it. Even though it is just my feeling, but I am almost certain that he still feels the same way for me the way I feel for him. I used to always hope and wait for that one day when he will come to me, but now, I realise, with a Virgo, I'll probably have to wait my entire life.

Several months ago, I had also made the move by telling him I still love him, but because he has a girlfriend, we finally ended up agreeing that we both should move on with our current lives instead.

He is now still with that girlfriend of his. But the contacts we made these few days convinced me more that he still loves me, despite being in a relationship, which could also be the reason why he was not making any move. I know it sounds silly of me to think a guy could still love me if he is now with another girl and subsequently rejected the idea of us possibly being together. But I am hoping that people here can relate to what I'm feeling.

I really hope that we can get back together again, but I am lost as well as to what I can do about this. I hope I can get insights from you guys here.

With technology, I am able to keep myself updated on his life, and him on mine, and I do feel that he does it deliberately knowing I will find out about him through it. Even though it is just my feeling,

******************************************************************************************
Those feelings might be telling you the truth. One should learn trusting his/her own feelings.

When you had him, you broke up with him, even though he didn't want to.

So, I'm curious .. now that he has a girlfriend .. is this the reason why you decided you wanted him?

So, I'm curious .. now that he has a girlfriend .. is this the reason why you decided you wanted him?

*****************
HAHAHAHAHA

Looks like PA has COMPLETELY transformed into being a (suspecious) virgo!

CGWV:Looks like PA has COMPLETELY transformed into being a (suspecious) virgo!

No....I'm pretty sure that's an orginal PA trait.....lol 😛

I mean for as bad as us Virguys are y'all sure don't mind disecting our personalities, preferences, clothes, sex style s.....it's enough to drive a grown man mad! lol If there's no truth in this statement I shouldn't recieve a reprisal.....y'alls move....lol

He is with his girlfriend.......and I agee with P-Angel on this one because we always want what we can't have. Leave him alone and let him be happy with her. After two years you should be able to handle this much better. He wants her and not you. He may think of you but if he really wanted to be with you he would and you let him go anyways. Let it go.........or you are going to drive yourself nuts on second guessing every little thing just like you are now. Wish you the best!

I mean for as bad as us Virguys are y'all sure don't mind disecting our personalities, preferences, clothes, sex style s.....it's enough to drive a grown man mad! lol If there's no truth in this statement I shouldn't recieve a reprisal.....y'alls move....lol

lol..that's cause you all complain so much about petty nothings..that we have to go around making sure that every single last detail is up to YOUR standards, so we don't have to get a slap in the face for being ourselves!

Thank you for the replies.

caprigirlwithvirgo: "Those feelings might be telling you the truth. One should learn trusting his/her own feelings."

I trust my feelings and instincts. That is why I believe I have a chance with him and it's really hard to let go. I really hope I can work it out with him. But I don't know what he wants...

P-Angel: "When you had him, you broke up with him, even though he didn't want to.

So, I'm curious .. now that he has a girlfriend .. is this the reason why you decided you wanted him?"

I understand your suspicion, P-Angel. He probably thinks the same thing too, that I want him now because he has a girlfriend. On the other hand, sometimes I get the feeling that part of the reason he dates that girlfriend is to piss me off. But then, he never tries to hurt me directly. Every time we talk, he shows me a lot of compassion, consideration, and respect. He always tries to avoid the topic when I ask him about his girlfriend.

I mentioned in my first post that he has always been in my mind, that I have never forgotten him. I have always wanted him. I did not just decide to want him back now that he has a girldfriend. But because he has a girlfriend now, I am scared I will lose him because he seems to be contented to stay the way it is.

When I broke up with him, it wasn't because I didn't want him. I was young and naive. He was my first boyfriend and we were really good together. But I was plagued with my own insecurities and I felt like losing a part of myself and the thoughts scared me a lot. At that time, he was very patient and devoted. He assured me in every way he could. But I always felt like there was something missing. I admit now that it was partly my fault because I didn't handle my own insecurities well. I could have shared what I felt with him and we could probably worked it out together as how couples should. But I chose a different and stupid alternative instead.

sweethearts_1969: "He is with his girlfriend.......and I agee with P-Angel on this one because we always want what we can't have. Leave him alone and let him be happy with her. After two years you should be able to handle this much better. He wants her and not you. He may think of you but if he really wanted to be with you he would and you let him go anyways. Let it go.........or you are going to drive yourself nuts on second guessing every little thing just like you are now. Wish you the best!"

Thank you, sweethearts_1969. When I found out that he had a girlfriend, I had decided that I should let him go, especially seeing how stable he seemed to be with his girlfriend. I am not one who enjoys wrecking a relationship for my own personal satisfaction, and I certainly do not want to wreck any. But I am not convinced that he is happy with his girlfriend and that she is what he really wants. It is not just my observation of the things I found out about him, but also his own confessions on the rare occassions when we contacted each other. He would reminisce about the things we did together, he would bring up things I have said in the past, he would request for me to clarify the things I have done that hurt him, etc. He also occassionally mentions how I am the only one who understands him the most and how I am the only one who really "turns him on" (I am really embarrassed to mention this here). It may sound like a pervert flirting with me, but in his case, I would not say so. I know he is not that kind of a flirtatious person. I always try to keep myself in perspective and I try not to falter to his words. I would try to remind him that he has a girlfriend, which he ignores so appropriately every time. So, is this just a trait in a Virgo guy: they enjoy reminiscing with exes on a purely innocent level, or is he hinting that he still loves me?

Thank you again, sweethearts_1969. Those words are very wise. I understand what you were saying. Some of my friends have told me similar things, that exes who come back to you are just looking to boost their egos and nothing else.

But should I let go if I love him, and if I feel that he does for me? It is really hard for me to do that. Can a guy love another person and yet be with another person? Maybe guys just take the approach to love very differently than women do?

****Can a guy love another person and yet be with another person?****

YES!!! They can!

That's really heartbreaking to know. I certainly cannot do that. I'd rather be alone than be with someone that I don't love.

I hope to see more replies, especially from a Virgo point of view at least, or anyone who has similar experiences with a Virgo/any man for that matter. I don't think I can just let go like this. I wonder what I can do to get a resolution that I'll be satisfied with. I really want to confront him, but I'm afraid that the confrontation will drive him further away from me. I don't want that to happen. I'm sorry to sound like a whining chick. Really appreciated all the help here. Thanks a lot!

I had a confrontation with Mr. Virgo last night. I think I learned something about him that could possibly convince myself that I've been looking for love at the wrong place. I put him into the subject by first asking what his thoughts were on love. He was hesitant to answer at first, saying that it would require a lot of time and thoughts to answer it (and why was I not surprise at the way he's trying to get away from it?). After a little pressing, he finally came away with an answer that, to be honest, disappointed me. I know that it is unfair to judge him like that, but his answer had confirmed a part of me that always wonder about his definition of love and how compatible we would be in terms of it. To be exact, it had confirmed me how Virgo can speak so much about commitment, dedication, and everything else when talking about love, but somehow feelings/emotions do not come into the equation at all. I am sure they have feelings/emotions, maybe a great one too. A good explanation would seem to be that they just do not believe in feelings/emotions to even consider it in their lives. They just tuck the feelings/emotions nicely away and never let it come into any decision they make in their lives. And honestly, I think it will be very difficult for me to accept this sort of logic, and hence, difficult to share my love with such a person. I can see the bashing looming ahead. 🙂

Well, thank you for the help here. Hopefully, I'll be able to get my life going and get over with this.

You're not alone in this MissBovine, I promise you. Many, many other women also find it very difficult to love a man who doesn't show emotions. It's because they are out of control, and since the Virgo must remain composed at all times because of some kind of fear that if they show emotions then it's showing weakness.

Rest assured they have emotions, alright .. just look at a couple of the males who come in here with their panties all in a wad with hurt feelings and have no clue what to say, or how to deal with these feelings. It's either just overflowing with feelings that have no aim .. or nothing at all. From my experience, since I've known my Virgo since he was much younger .. this is how I saw it. Kind of like VE in here, if you ever listen to him talking .. just rambling on and on about feelings, that go nowhere, lead nowhere and have no purpose for self-growth .. just venting out because there's no place in his head .. then once my Virgo got a little older, since there was no ability to gain control over them, they just got pushed back to be ignored. What a person doesn't have to deal with is bliss.

That's the thing, they have emotions .. they are just out of control.

You probably will get bashed by several people, but, no worries .. it's your life and you have to feel it in whatever way is best for you. I am curious, though, you've known him for several years .. you didn't know he was hiding his emotions until now?

Thank you, P-Angel. I always appreciate your words. There are a lot I can learn from them. I am sure he has feelings too. But it disappointed me greatly that he could easily ignore his feelings even when considering on the topic of love. Maybe I am too much of a romantic, hence I believe that only someone who feels the same way about love as me could be the one for me. I am not sure if I will be absolute about what I just said, maybe in the future, after more experiences, I might be more open and less rigid about this. At this moment in time though, I am just trying to accept what he had told me and how I have been too stubborn and maybe wrong to think that he was the one for me.

P-Angel: "I am curious, though, you've known him for several years .. you didn't know he was hiding his emotions until now?"

Well, to be exact, I've known him for less than three years. We met a very long time ago when we were both still young teenagers. He had a crush on me but then I never paid too much attention to him because he seemed to me as if a playboy and I was a VERY cautious and VERY stucked-up girl then. But I was friendly enough to let him e-mail me and we only kept in touch through e-mails. It was until several years ago when he contacted me again and things progressed so fast and I suddenly found myself falling for him. In about a month, we were a couple.

Part of the insecurities I mentioned that prompted me to break up with him was because I felt that he did not love me (as I thought love should be). He was generous with his affections and vocal with his words (saying "I love you" a lot), but I just did not feel like it was right. I don't know how to describe this feeling. I could feel his devotion, his admiration, passion, lust... for me. But I could not feel that feeling of love. I became very confused and insecure.

I'm not sure to say that he is hiding his emotions because this is something I cannot prove and I am not one to claim that he is hiding his emotions if he himself deny this. You can see, I am at my wits end as to what I can do with him. So I guess, maybe he is just not right for me.

To antibling,
I probably have to admit maybe I am confused here. I trust my feelings but don't you think that even your feelings sometimes betray you or tell you two different things at one time? I believe to trust my feelings but also to be objective and use my head. That is why I was persistent to confront him, because I want to confirm my feelings, whether it is right or wrong. Hmm, I'm twisting so much I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I'm really sorry. I hope I did answer your question.

"He was generous with his affections and vocal with his words (saying "I love you" a lot), but I just did not feel like it was right. I don't know how to describe this feeling. I could feel his devotion, his admiration, passion, lust... for me. But I could not feel that feeling of love."

I understand completely .. let me give you an example. Just last weekend, this happened to me with my Virgo and things like this go on all the time:

I'm a rocker, LOVE music .. so, last Sunday I'm sitting here at my computer, reading the bible online, and trying to focus on something I'm reading. My husband comes in and he wants to be loving and supportive and do something for me, so he turns on the stereo really loud on my favorite station (he likes country) and then comes over and gives me a smile that's saying ..

"Look what I did for you, see how much I love you? I don't even like rock-n-roll, but, I turned on this music for YOU."

This is what I mean about out-of-control .. it's in him to want to show love, just like you were saying about your man, quote, "I could feel his devotion, his admiration". But, it is only in "the motion" of it, without really comprehending it, for if he comprehended how to respond to devotion, he would have been aware that I was concentrating on something and for him to interupt this, just to show an emotion without consideration of what this means, leaves a person, quote, "But I could not feel that feeling of love"

Does that make sense? It's like, if your going to do something for somebody because you want to show love, then you have to do something they will appreciate .. if it's just sparkle motion, to prove to yourself that you care .. then that emotion is all about pleasing yourself and has nothing to do with actually pleasing the partner.

So, I know exactly what you're saying. The desire is there to please .. but, without dealing with how these emotions are suppose to feel .. the aim is mis-guided and it leaves the partner to feel unloved, rather than loved.

I understand what Blingy was trying to say (I think) .. it's like, because this man wasn't telling you that he wants to be with you, in your mind, because you wanted him to tell you that he loves you and wants to be your man .. that you are processing this as him not letting his emotions for you make the decision, rather, using his logic .. when from Blingy's POV, perhaps it was using his emotions to mean, he doesn't want to be with you.

After reading your post, I realized another point about my Virgo ex. Like how I said he had always been very vocal, I think the problem was not because he did sweet little things that failed to touch me or make me notice his love for me. It was because with every little things he did, he would make sure I would notice, even interrupting me from my own activity. He had this annoying habit of asking for my approval for everything. I think, that was his way of loving and he probably thought it pleased me but I would think it actually pleased himself. Hence, I did not think he put my best interest with him but rather what HE thought would be in my best interest. Maybe that was why I did not feel loved? And now, this is leading me to think he probably is just a selfish person.

"I understand what Blingy was trying to say (I think) .. it's like, because this man wasn't telling you that he wants to be with you, in your mind, because you wanted him to tell you that he loves you and wants to be your man .. that you are processing this as him not letting his emotions for you make the decision, rather, using his logic .. when from Blingy's POV, perhaps it was using his emotions to mean, he doesn't want to be with you."

This is exactly what I'm in the process of comprehending and convincing myself. That is why I'm saying I probably have been wrong all this time to think he felt the same way I felt. Maybe it had just been me all along. Hopefully, this will be a good closure for me.

"I did not think he put my best interest with him but rather what HE thought would be in my best interest."

I know exactly what you mean .. this is very relative to my relationship with a Virgo, as well.

In any event, I truly hope you find the closure you need to put a period behind this and move on. Life is about "feeling" every moment to it's fullest and if this man is making you feel unloved, nor any feelings at all that is what YOU need to be complete, then there's no point in continuing. I just wish I had your strength ..

Thank you, P-Angel.

I hope I'll be strong too. These two years had proven that I was not as strong as I had hoped. But I got to try.

I wish you the very best with your Virgo.

I see what you all are saying. I don't think my virguy is like that all the time though.

But the thing is I never complained about this simply because I understand humans,virgos, emotions, my particular virguy, and I especially try to understand myself.

I've seen and heard my virguy cry on several occasions. I hardly ever think he's using logic to make his decisions. If it were logic then he would understand emotions, logically. But you have to understand humans and be able to explain to him what it is that you want or he's not going to get it. The relationship should be open, honest and straight-forward.

Like for example, I didn't hesitate to tell my virguy exactly what emotionally satisfied me. I threw out topics to him ranging from female emotions and the male ego to astrological signs in the charts...

this not only interested him but made him aware of all the different emotional things girls care about and that are vital to a relationship. And I never stop talking to him about all these psychological things. Also remember no one is completely the same.

RC:lol..that's cause you all complain so much about petty nothings..that we have to go around making sure that every single last detail is up to YOUR standards, so we don't have to get a slap in the face for being ourselves!

Petty nothings huh? Ugh, obviously not petty enough for you to complain about going around after us, I mean, I don't recall asking you for anything: oh, yeah, that slaps called 'common sense' you we're probably lacking so you got grounded....sorry boo, it's a bitch in reality....lol 😛 oh, yeah, for the record, I think you're cool. Remember RC, generalities don't exist in the Virgo world, because it's all about be an individual for us....

for you ladies to band together and go to the virtual ends of cyber space to wish a Virguy a bad life: lol we must be doing something right! ROFLOL lol this is becoming more complicated than it needs to be...

VIRGOEXALTE😱 "for you ladies to band together and go to the virtual ends of cyber space to wish a Virguy a bad life: lol we must be doing something right! ROFLOL lol this is becoming more complicated than it needs to be..."

Hi VIRGOEXALTED. Just want to clarify, my thread was not created to bash Virgos. I just wanted some opinions about Virgo guys in general hoping to learn more about them and to understand them better. But as you can see, most of the replies came from other people who were not Virgos but rather, those who had similar experiences with Virgos. I was hoping a Virgo himself could provide some insights, but it seems that these Virgos were not enthusiastic to contribute to us about themselves. I think it would be unfair for you to blame the people here if they ended up "bashing" instead, because we did try to seek help and to understand them, but Virgos themselves were not willing to open up and help.

Dy,

I need your help :-)!!

Can you please define following two words for me when it comes to this type of intimate relationships?

1. Vivacious
2. Expansive

If one person has a vivacious and expansive effect on the other, when it comes to relationships - especially with a virgo guy- is it GOOD or bad (on his brain)? Will that SCARE him or excite him?

Thanks in advance! ( Since virgos love to help, I am sure you will help too and hence thanked in advance!)