VirgoVixxxen
@VirgoVixxxen
15 Years1,000+ Posts
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Virgos - Being cheated on
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Posted by TyDyed
Nope. No second chances.
But...but...you're one of our eldest and brightest...surely you were gonna tell us young'ns (well most of us, lol) that relationships are more complicated than we think, and that as we get older, we'll realize that bringing two lives together is harder than we'll ever know, and sometimes the passion fizzles, and people grow apart, and they start taking eachother for granted, and sometimes make stupid decisions (i.e. extramarital affairs), and all of the love and history that you share with one another (let's not forget the kids!) is surely enough to save the marriage and make it work, versus throwing it all away for for a piece of ass on the side. Surely you were gonna tell us that?!
No?!
I honestly don't think that I could give a second chance to someone who cheated on me.
Forgiving someone is absolutely possible but, forgetting would be the hard part even if the person was my soulmate/love of my life/father of my kids.
Forgiving someone is absolutely possible but, forgetting would be the hard part even if the person was my soulmate/love of my life/father of my kids.
I'm not entirely sure. I've never been cheated on, but I know it wouldn't be pleasant in any way possible.
I really think it depends on the circumstances for me and how much I love the person. I don't want to flat out say no, I wouldn't give the person another chance, but I wouldn't be so quick to say yes either.
I really think it depends on the circumstances for me and how much I love the person. I don't want to flat out say no, I wouldn't give the person another chance, but I wouldn't be so quick to say yes either.
I don't know of any marriages that haven't had either parnter cheat at one time. Whether it be sexually, orally, by way of internet or just spending too much emotional time + touching with someone other than their spouse. This usually happens with marriages that have spanned decades. If someone is cheating in the earlier stages then I don't believe that they even need to get married. I don't condone cheating at all. I haven't been married but still, I haven't cheated on any boyfriend that I've had. Marriage seems hard. It takes a lot of compromise and hard work. What MY question is, would you be willing to stay with a man that cheated for the kids sake? Would you want your children to witness your unhappiness until they were old enough to take care of themselves? By that time, then what? I wouldn't stay.
Posted by Candeh15
I'm not entirely sure. I've never been cheated on, but I know it wouldn't be pleasant in any way possible.
I really think it depends on the circumstances for me and how much I love the person. I don't want to flat out say no, I wouldn't give the person another chance, but I wouldn't be so quick to say yes either.
Ok, then Candeh, let's paint a pretty typical scenario:
You've been neglecting your guy for whatever reason (work, school...). Neither of you have ever cheated on the other before, and you have a pretty solid relationship. Time goes by and the intimacy (and in all senses of the word) lessens mainly due to your busy schedule (he's always game). You by all means don't love him any less but have simply been in a space where you can't spend as much time with him. He makes his concerns known to you on more than one occassion, and it's not that you don't care (in fact you do very much), but you still can't seem to get the time in with him that you'd both like, and so he cheats mainly because he's seeking attention, love, affection, etc...
Could you extend a second chance under a circumstance such as this?
He cheats, she means nothing, because obviously you are the woman he wants to be with...
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
I don't know of any marriages that haven't had either parnter cheat at one time. Whether it be sexually, orally, by way of internet or just spending too much emotional time + touching with someone other than their spouse. This usually happens with marriages that have spanned decades. If someone is cheating in the earlier stages then I don't believe that they even need to get married. I don't condone cheating at all. I haven't been married but still, I haven't cheated on any boyfriend that I've had. Marriage seems hard. It takes a lot of compromise and hard work. What MY question is, would you be willing to stay with a man that cheated for the kids sake? Would you want your children to witness your unhappiness until they were old enough to take care of themselves? By that time, then what? I wouldn't stay.
Sadly, I don't know any marriages that have been completely free of infidelity either. Fuck do people get married for?
Sigh...discouraging at best.
No, not staying with a man soley for the kid's sake. Children are resilient. They will survive. They wouldn't be the first kids to become a product of a broken marriage due to infidelity, and they damn sure wouldn't be the last. Lots of open communication, and they'll always know that mommy and daddy love them to pieces. I'm not above post-marriage therapy and all that good stuff to ensure that my children process the divorce in the healthiest way possible.
Posted by Layna
Ughhhh. I was all "NOOOOOO" in that ^^^^ post.
But then I did some thinking.
Will be back later!
LOL!
Alrighty...we'll be awaiting...
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by Candeh15
I'm not entirely sure. I've never been cheated on, but I know it wouldn't be pleasant in any way possible.
I really think it depends on the circumstances for me and how much I love the person. I don't want to flat out say no, I wouldn't give the person another chance, but I wouldn't be so quick to say yes either.
Ok, then Candeh, let's paint a pretty typical scenario:
You've been neglecting your guy for whatever reason (work, school...). Neither of you have ever cheated on the other before, and you have a pretty solid relationship. Time goes by and the intimacy (and in all senses of the word) lessens mainly due to your busy schedule (he's always game). You by all means don't love him any less but have simply been in a space where you can't spend as much time with him. He makes his concerns known to you on more than one occassion, and it's not that you don't care (in fact you do very much), but you still can't seem to get the time in with him that you'd both like, and so he cheats mainly because he's seeking attention, love, affection, etc...
Could you extend a second chance under a circumstance such as this?
He cheats, she means nothing, because obviously you are the woman he wants to be with...click to expand
Wow... if this were the scenario... I fucking suck lol.
Anyway, I feel like in this case, I could take him back. I can forgive, I obviously can't forget, but this case requires me to work on things. I'm not giving him what he needs and while he is in no way justified to cheat, I wasn't working on making things right either. I don't like emotional cheating... while physical cheating is just as bad and probably dangerous because of possible STDs, if he felt nothing for her, then I don't think I wouldn't be as horribly maimed by the situation.
^^^
Believe it or not, this scenario is quite common.
I agree as I don't think that I could be as hurt by someone cheating on me because of neglect of them in such a way, but I would still have a hard time trusting and trying to move forward.
Believe it or not, this scenario is quite common.
I agree as I don't think that I could be as hurt by someone cheating on me because of neglect of them in such a way, but I would still have a hard time trusting and trying to move forward.
Posted by VirgoVixxxenPosted by Candeh15
I'm not entirely sure. I've never been cheated on, but I know it wouldn't be pleasant in any way possible.
I really think it depends on the circumstances for me and how much I love the person. I don't want to flat out say no, I wouldn't give the person another chance, but I wouldn't be so quick to say yes either.
Ok, then Candeh, let's paint a pretty typical scenario:
You've been neglecting your guy for whatever reason (work, school...). Neither of you have ever cheated on the other before, and you have a pretty solid relationship. Time goes by and the intimacy (and in all senses of the word) lessens mainly due to your busy schedule (he's always game). You by all means don't love him any less but have simply been in a space where you can't spend as much time with him. He makes his concerns known to you on more than one occassion, and it's not that you don't care (in fact you do very much), but you still can't seem to get the time in with him that you'd both like, and so he cheats mainly because he's seeking attention, love, affection, etc...
Could you extend a second chance under a circumstance such as this?
He cheats, she means nothing, because obviously you are the woman he wants to be with...click to expand
This is a bummer. I'd have to try and make sure that I MAKE the time for him. If a man actually makes it known to me that he needs more of my time, I would stand up and give him a personal round of applause. Him making the effort should be my wake up call. Men don't usually do that.
Oh no, I believe you.
I think what really stood out to me was that you typed that the man attempted many times to talk about it and I did nothing.
If I really were in that situation, I would want to punch myself. Yeah I would be hurt, yeah I would have a hard time trusting him, but all the same, I can't help but think I brought it upon myself. I do think though... what would be worse... him leaving me because I didn't try... or him cheating on me for the same reason. Because you know, so many people say you should just break up before even thinking about cheating, but in this case, you still didn't try hard enough to change things.
I think what really stood out to me was that you typed that the man attempted many times to talk about it and I did nothing.
If I really were in that situation, I would want to punch myself. Yeah I would be hurt, yeah I would have a hard time trusting him, but all the same, I can't help but think I brought it upon myself. I do think though... what would be worse... him leaving me because I didn't try... or him cheating on me for the same reason. Because you know, so many people say you should just break up before even thinking about cheating, but in this case, you still didn't try hard enough to change things.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Is there any room for second chances in your book?
If so, under what circumstances? If children were involved would that influence your willingness to afford your partner the opportunity to redeem themselves?
Do you think you could ever truly forgive someone for cheating on you depending on the reason they cheated (i.e. neglect, break down in communication...)
Do you think it's possible to ever really trust someone completely after they've cheated on you?
What would make you give a second chance to one that you wouldn't give to another?
You don't have to say if you've been cheated on or not.
I was cheated on 😢 I was devastated and it took a long time for me to give that second chance. I never fully trusted or forgave him....but for some reason (maybe intuition)I could see he was truly sorry. As far as I know he never did it again....but I wasn't with him 24/7
Part of what inspired me to ask this question is an interview that Oprah did with country singer Shania Twain.
In a nutshell:
Married to her husband for 14 years (he was her everything, producer, co-songwriter, basically the person who was responsible for her career)
They have 1 child
Shania had a best friend (MaryAnne) who was pretty much her confidant, like a sister, and somewhat of a Personal Assistant.
Shania's husband one day asked for a divorce.
A little later she found out that her husband was having an affair with MaryAnne.
Before the husband asked for the divorce, they had been growing apart ("I often felt lonely in my marriage" she said) and Shania used to ask MaryAnne "hey do you think something is up with my husband? He's been acting really weird with me lately". MaryAnne was adamant with her "no, what are you talking about? He seems fine to me", when in fact she was the very one cheating with her best friend's husband all along.
In a nutshell:
Married to her husband for 14 years (he was her everything, producer, co-songwriter, basically the person who was responsible for her career)
They have 1 child
Shania had a best friend (MaryAnne) who was pretty much her confidant, like a sister, and somewhat of a Personal Assistant.
Shania's husband one day asked for a divorce.
A little later she found out that her husband was having an affair with MaryAnne.
Before the husband asked for the divorce, they had been growing apart ("I often felt lonely in my marriage" she said) and Shania used to ask MaryAnne "hey do you think something is up with my husband? He's been acting really weird with me lately". MaryAnne was adamant with her "no, what are you talking about? He seems fine to me", when in fact she was the very one cheating with her best friend's husband all along.
Continued...
Shania was at such a low point that even after her husband left her to live with MaryAnne, she wrote a letter to MaryAnne asking her to give her her husband back.
She even tried calling MaryAnne to ask her to please give her details of how the affair started (she really wanted to know) only to discover that MaryAnne had changed her home number.
Now I can understand maybe feeling like this person is your soulmate, maybe even your everything (she said that pretty much every aspect of her life was wrapped up in her husband), and wanting to be with them forever, but, when does your dignity kick in?
They didn't even have the decency to give her the details of how the affair started, changed their home number, and here she is begging this woman to give her her husband back? Ok, I've never been married so obviously I don't understand this fully, but, I guess it just frustrated me to see her basically beg this woman for her own husband back.
Some people do want to fight for their marriages, and I get that. She didn't really even have an opportunity to fight for him, so to speak, but, it's amazing to me how she sort of blamed herself for everything, and I wondered if it was more a reflection of her self-esteem/not wanting to look like a loser versus actually wanting her husband back. *shrugs*
Shania was at such a low point that even after her husband left her to live with MaryAnne, she wrote a letter to MaryAnne asking her to give her her husband back.
She even tried calling MaryAnne to ask her to please give her details of how the affair started (she really wanted to know) only to discover that MaryAnne had changed her home number.
Now I can understand maybe feeling like this person is your soulmate, maybe even your everything (she said that pretty much every aspect of her life was wrapped up in her husband), and wanting to be with them forever, but, when does your dignity kick in?
They didn't even have the decency to give her the details of how the affair started, changed their home number, and here she is begging this woman to give her her husband back? Ok, I've never been married so obviously I don't understand this fully, but, I guess it just frustrated me to see her basically beg this woman for her own husband back.
Some people do want to fight for their marriages, and I get that. She didn't really even have an opportunity to fight for him, so to speak, but, it's amazing to me how she sort of blamed herself for everything, and I wondered if it was more a reflection of her self-esteem/not wanting to look like a loser versus actually wanting her husband back. *shrugs*
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirl
This is a bummer. I'd have to try and make sure that I MAKE the time for him. If a man actually makes it known to me that he needs more of my time, I would stand up and give him a personal round of applause. Him making the effort should be my wake up call. Men don't usually do that.
Exactly, but sometimes people get too comfortable and continue to ignore the growing concerns, because they believe they've got something so good, and that the other person could never possibly cheat on them.
No, men usually don't do that. Perhaps it would make a big difference if they did (women too).
Posted by Candeh15
Oh no, I believe you.
I think what really stood out to me was that you typed that the man attempted many times to talk about it and I did nothing.
If I really were in that situation, I would want to punch myself. Yeah I would be hurt, yeah I would have a hard time trusting him, but all the same, I can't help but think I brought it upon myself. I do think though... what would be worse... him leaving me because I didn't try... or him cheating on me for the same reason. Because you know, so many people say you should just break up before even thinking about cheating, but in this case, you still didn't try hard enough to change things.
I think most would prefer that. For their partner to just leave them versus cheating on them. That's what I would prefer.
Any person who wouldn't respond appropriately to the partner's concerns are either completley selfish or just dumb as rocks.
Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Is there any room for second chances in your book?
If so, under what circumstances? If children were involved would that influence your willingness to afford your partner the opportunity to redeem themselves?
Do you think you could ever truly forgive someone for cheating on you depending on the reason they cheated (i.e. neglect, break down in communication...)
Do you think it's possible to ever really trust someone completely after they've cheated on you?
What would make you give a second chance to one that you wouldn't give to another?
You don't have to say if you've been cheated on or not.
I was cheated on 😢 I was devastated and it took a long time for me to give that second chance. I never fully trusted or forgave him....but for some reason (maybe intuition)I could see he was truly sorry. As far as I know he never did it again....but I wasn't with him 24/7
click to expand
Hey LIMM,
Aww...sorry to hear that. So you've already done the second chance thing I see.
Yeah, not being around 24/7.
LOL, could you imagine if every woman had the power to track her man's whereabouts every second of the day?
Shhhhiiiit, women would be jumping out of bushes with binoculars and big ole cans of "Whoop Ass" everywhere!!! AHAHAHAHA!
Posted by Layna
I want to say I can forgive, but... no, I can never truly forgive once cheated on. Loneliness is NOT a good reason - nor is curiosity, boredom, or the ol' "I'm human!" excuse.
By cheating, it indirectly means that the trust, love, respect, and time I gave to him was taken for granted, or that he DARED to challenge it.
What happens then is that he'd lose my love... completely. I will continue to trust him... with everything else but my heart. I will be able to respect him as everything but a lover. We can stay together, but I'd be nothing else but the best friend. I'd still care for him, since it's in my nature... but I won't love, all because I won't be able to forget. Dude won't be able to stand that, most likely... haha.
Thing is, a once-close guy friend did tell me before that he believes every guy will cheat on their wife at least once... nothing I asked was able to make him think the statement over. It's been near 2 years... I'm STILL trying to come up with some acceptable way to go about this. :S
Wow, thanks Layna.
Yeah, I've heard alot of guys say the same as your male friend. I think there might be a small pool of guys who wouldn't take kindly to that. LOL.
I know I would never be able to forget. If it were one of those things where he just wanted to satisfy a carnal desire to be with another woman (need for variety or whatever), I def. wouldn't give him another chance. I feel like if I took him back that would send him a message that I was ok with his blatant disrespect of me/breach of our vows (if we were married).
Sure I would forgive him, after we broke up and I had time to heal myself. It doesn't matter if kids are involved, if he really cared about our family, he would've thought about that before stepping outside of his marriage. Honestly, I have a huge problem with holding grudges, so if I triedto forgive him and stay with him, it would only make matters worse for us (and the kids) because his infidelity would always be lurking in the back of my mind. I know me, so everytime we would get into an argument I would probably end up bringing up the cheating all the damn time lol. Not good for anyone, especially the kids IMO.
^^^
VB
You + me = >here
VB
You + me = >here
Hey LIMM,
Aww...sorry to hear that. So you've already done the second chance thing I see.
Yeah, not being around 24/7.
LOL, could you imagine if every woman had the power to track her man's whereabouts every second of the day?
Shhhhiiiit, women would be jumping out of bushes with binoculars and big ole cans of "Whoop Ass" everywhere!!! AHAHAHAHA!
Oh geez....that would be hilarious LOL
Never been cheated on but if it ever happened...no, no second chances. Loyalty is BIG to me(must be the venus in scorp, i dunno) and if someone were to betray my trust with cheating, they're dead to me. Just the thought of someone disrespecting me in that manner is making me angry and this is all theoretical lol. 😛
Posted by LostinmyMind11
Hey LIMM,
Aww...sorry to hear that. So you've already done the second chance thing I see.
Yeah, not being around 24/7.
LOL, could you imagine if every woman had the power to track her man's whereabouts every second of the day?
Shhhhiiiit, women would be jumping out of bushes with binoculars and big ole cans of "Whoop Ass" everywhere!!! AHAHAHAHA!
Oh geez....that would be hilarious LOL
😉
Posted by SomeRandomVirgo
Never been cheated on but if it ever happened...no, no second chances. Loyalty is BIG to me(must be the venus in scorp, i dunno) and if someone were to betray my trust with cheating, they're dead to me. Just the thought of someone disrespecting me in that manner is making me angry and this is all theoretical lol. 😛
Thanks SRV.
My venus is also in Scorp but I swear sometimes it's more like in Aqua or Cap. 😉
I refuse to be cynical about this.
I do think that there are some people who should never get married or even try and date monogamously.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Continued...
Shania was at such a low point that even after her husband left her to live with MaryAnne, she wrote a letter to MaryAnne asking her to give her her husband back.
She even tried calling MaryAnne to ask her to please give her details of how the affair started (she really wanted to know) only to discover that MaryAnne had changed her home number.
Now I can understand maybe feeling like this person is your soulmate, maybe even your everything (she said that pretty much every aspect of her life was wrapped up in her husband), and wanting to be with them forever, but, when does your dignity kick in?
They didn't even have the decency to give her the details of how the affair started, changed their home number, and here she is begging this woman to give her her husband back? Ok, I've never been married so obviously I don't understand this fully, but, I guess it just frustrated me to see her basically beg this woman for her own husband back.
Some people do want to fight for their marriages, and I get that. She didn't really even have an opportunity to fight for him, so to speak, but, it's amazing to me how she sort of blamed herself for everything, and I wondered if it was more a reflection of her self-esteem/not wanting to look like a loser versus actually wanting her husband back. *shrugs*
Yea I seen that episode. Her story was so heartfelt. She lost so much confidence that she couldn't even sing anymore because of the pain that her marriage caused her. That was so deep.
One and done. Children or not.Cheating on someone is an adult version of a temper tantrum .....Okay you don't want to bleep me,I'll find someone who will..... If this is the way they are trying to get your attention, this means they have nothing left in their arsenal to get some quality time with you.They aren't mature enough to have other means to let you know they want you. Most likely if you get a chance to dig into their past,this isn't the first time,they've taken a turn on that merry go round.Cheating is really an expression of angry and disatisfaction,not she wouldn't....
If a partner sees the other drowning in lifes' committments,reach for their hand and pull them up,not reaching for anothers just to have a playmate. If they knew what you were facing,they should be like ,"how can I help"So you both can get through this to do list quicker.And especially if this(temporary) extra worklaod benefits them both.
Children know that something is amiss.They have known you for all of their lives.With sons,you are showing them that this is okay .They either follow this pattern or are hyper-sensitive when their girlfriend is out.(she is really "out"??).Daughters figuire that this is the way they should be treated,anything goes as long ashe comes back or she goes on to trust no one.And varying degrees of this inbetween.It can become generational.And if it is ongoing,then everyone on the fringes is caught up in continue to slide around the 500 pound elephant in the room.
A perfect example is The T.O.show,when he met the other woman and his half siblings.It was heat breaking for everyone.He was uncomfortable,the siblings were resentful and she barely opened her lips to talk to him.T.O.'s family had tried to shield him.And the father,was like"hey".Meh.No remorse what so ever.Just two women waiting for him to choose.
In Shaiana's case,her husband should have had a life of his own.He was her employee and he got treated as such.They could have been resentful of her success.They both needed a hobby,not a hunch.Before getting in deep,get to know yourself and each other.Communication style ?Life goals? Their drive?Issues management?Etc...
If a partner sees the other drowning in lifes' committments,reach for their hand and pull them up,not reaching for anothers just to have a playmate. If they knew what you were facing,they should be like ,"how can I help"So you both can get through this to do list quicker.And especially if this(temporary) extra worklaod benefits them both.
Children know that something is amiss.They have known you for all of their lives.With sons,you are showing them that this is okay .They either follow this pattern or are hyper-sensitive when their girlfriend is out.(she is really "out"??).Daughters figuire that this is the way they should be treated,anything goes as long ashe comes back or she goes on to trust no one.And varying degrees of this inbetween.It can become generational.And if it is ongoing,then everyone on the fringes is caught up in continue to slide around the 500 pound elephant in the room.
A perfect example is The T.O.show,when he met the other woman and his half siblings.It was heat breaking for everyone.He was uncomfortable,the siblings were resentful and she barely opened her lips to talk to him.T.O.'s family had tried to shield him.And the father,was like"hey".Meh.No remorse what so ever.Just two women waiting for him to choose.
In Shaiana's case,her husband should have had a life of his own.He was her employee and he got treated as such.They could have been resentful of her success.They both needed a hobby,not a hunch.Before getting in deep,get to know yourself and each other.Communication style ?Life goals? Their drive?Issues management?Etc...
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirlYea I seen that episode. Her story was so heartfelt. She lost so much confidence that she couldn't even sing anymore because of the pain that her marriage caused her. That was so deep.
Talk about mind, body, spirit.
she thought her vocal chords were actually damaged until the she went to the doctor and was assured that they weren't, and learned that it's not unusual for a singer who's been experiencing stress or supressing deep issues to have their voice close up.
She talked about always holding things in, and controlling her emotions ever since she was a young girl.
This is the beginning of a new and improved chapter in her life, and I am looking forward to her new album.
@ VL,
Hey girl!
lol @ "if you don't want to bleep me".
Well, some people want to "bleep" you - and others at the same time. *smh*
I completely agree with you about one partner reaching out to help the other. Relationships are so complex. What works for one may not work for another but respect, trust, transparency, and those kind of things should be at the top of everyone's list!
Something I've witnessed time and again - after the fact the partner who committed infidelity tells the other, "you stopped appreciating me", "you were ignoring me", blah, blah, blah...like wtf? Why didn't you tell your partner this before you cheated? Of course this could be answered many different ways.
My sister said the exact same thing about Shania's husband possibly resenting her because of her success. I think this situation is definitely going to usher her into a new level of independence. I don't ever think it's a good idea to make your partner you "everything".
She said after her divorce she didn't know how she would produce another album again without him, and she didn't think any man would want to marry her after being rejected by her husband. You should have seen the look on Oprah's face. It's almost like she couldn't see outside of herself. All she could see was him. So beautiful, talented...and married again (even though in a weird twist of fate it's to the ex-husband of the very ex-best friend MaryAnne who cheated with her husband...*GASP*). All the best to her.
Hey girl!
lol @ "if you don't want to bleep me".
Well, some people want to "bleep" you - and others at the same time. *smh*
I completely agree with you about one partner reaching out to help the other. Relationships are so complex. What works for one may not work for another but respect, trust, transparency, and those kind of things should be at the top of everyone's list!
Something I've witnessed time and again - after the fact the partner who committed infidelity tells the other, "you stopped appreciating me", "you were ignoring me", blah, blah, blah...like wtf? Why didn't you tell your partner this before you cheated? Of course this could be answered many different ways.
My sister said the exact same thing about Shania's husband possibly resenting her because of her success. I think this situation is definitely going to usher her into a new level of independence. I don't ever think it's a good idea to make your partner you "everything".
She said after her divorce she didn't know how she would produce another album again without him, and she didn't think any man would want to marry her after being rejected by her husband. You should have seen the look on Oprah's face. It's almost like she couldn't see outside of herself. All she could see was him. So beautiful, talented...and married again (even though in a weird twist of fate it's to the ex-husband of the very ex-best friend MaryAnne who cheated with her husband...*GASP*). All the best to her.
Posted by 25thDecan
No. No second chance. If we have differences, issues....you and I can work them out without you bringing someone else's orgasm into our relationship.
Also, what would bother me even more is the constant imagining of all the intimate things they did together. That's why it would def. be a no. Wouldn't be able to get that out of my head.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
My sister said the exact same thing about Shania's husband possibly resenting her because of her success. I think this situation is definitely going to usher her into a new level of independence. I don't ever think it's a good idea to make your partner you "everything".
She said after her divorce she didn't know how she would produce another album again without him, and she didn't think any man would want to marry her after being rejected by her husband. You should have seen the look on Oprah's face. It's almost like she couldn't see outside of herself. All she could see was him. So beautiful, talented...and married again (even though in a weird twist of fate it's to the ex-husband of the very ex-best friend MaryAnne who cheated with her husband...*GASP*). All the best to her.
Look at what happened to Whitney. Even though she is an adult that made the decision to partake in smoking crack with her husband, Bobby introduced it to her. That's a classic case of, "I'm jealous because I used to be the r&b king and now I'm Mr. Whitney Houston. Let me help to bring you down with me."
I always believe that each half in a relationship should have their own, seperate jobs and hobbies. I'm not saying that they cannot share hobbies. I'm sure you know what I mean. When one person gets lost or bored because they are waiting on the other to "get back" then s&@t stars swarming in their head. Get a life! And don't forget me while you're at it.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
Is there any room for second chances in your book?
Tried it once, did not work out
If so, under what circumstances?
No circumstance, common sense.
Do you think you could ever truly forgive someone for cheating on you depending on the reason they cheated (i.e. neglect, break down in communication...)
Forgive yes, forget no, reminded them... occasionally.
Do you think it's possible to ever really trust someone completely after they've cheated on you?click to expand
If you're ditz or a Libra, maybe.
I am a person that doesn't believe or give second chances...He cheated on you once, there will always be a second time, third time and so on....For me once trust is broken, it'll be hard to fix it up, and when for some reasons that you trusted that person again, it will never be the same again...there will always be a shadow of doubt...for me, even you love a person so deeply, it will be all useless if trust isnt there anymore...! Just my thought... :-)
Posted by CajunspiritPosted by VirgoVixxxen
Is there any room for second chances in your book?
Tried it once, did not work out
If so, under what circumstances?
No circumstance, common sense.
Do you think you could ever truly forgive someone for cheating on you depending on the reason they cheated (i.e. neglect, break down in communication...)
Forgive yes, forget no, reminded them... occasionally.
Do you think it's possible to ever really trust someone completely after they've cheated on you?
If you're ditz or a Libra, maybe.click to expand
I know some Leebs would be happy to hear this.
Posted by preciousvirgin
I am a person that doesn't believe or give second chances...He cheated on you once, there will always be a second time, third time and so on....For me once trust is broken, it'll be hard to fix it up, and when for some reasons that you trusted that person again, it will never be the same again...there will always be a shadow of doubt...for me, even you love a person so deeply, it will be all useless if trust isnt there anymore...! Just my thought... :-)
Agreed CM.
It would just be incredibly too hard to forget. You'll never look at them the same and things would just be too weird.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
@ VL,
Hey girl!
lol @ "if you don't want to bleep me".
Well, some people want to "bleep" you - and others at the same time. *smh*......
She said after her divorce she didn't know how she would produce another album again without him, and she didn't think any man would want to marry her after being rejected by her husband. You should have seen the look on Oprah's face. It's almost like she couldn't see outside of herself. All she could see was him. So beautiful, talented...and married again (even though in a weird twist of fate it's to the ex-husband of the very ex-best friend MaryAnne who cheated with her husband...*GASP*). All the best to her.
Hey back at ya VV !
^^
Cosigns..
Wow,she is totally insecure.Asking for him back,like he was a shirt!...That wedding there was a revenge wedding,except her ex doesn't care,if he did he would have come back.The cheaters now know where second couple is if they want to clean out their bank accounts!Seriously tho'When they get through with inital bonding of -I hate them more-I hope that they have found a deeper bond to move forward in their lives together.
for the first 6 months i tried to work things out with my hsband regardless. i gave my word for better or worse to stick th8ings through. made it more than clear she was "better" and didnt want me ... so eventually I was like ... i dont need this. keep her. im better off. he's now trying to come back and "work things out" as he never "loved her" and just "said things" to make me move on. (well congrats to my scorpio ex, it worked)
now while he's trying to play nice im trying to finish up divorce papers. Im done.
i think i might have forgiven n worked things through IF he hadnt said and did certain things. it wasnt the cheating. it was. he never took me anywhere. he got her a limo. he rarely saw his kids or talked to me, he was on with her 24/7.
he left her with i love you and told me he nevr loved me. he wouldnt tell her he didnt want her in his life when he broke things off. basically he treats others better than he ever treated me.
now that i treat him like dirt, he feels hurt. and it bothers him ive been dating other people. as if id really wait until he was done. nahhh he can play around, so can i. but when i do it. i wont go back and forth like he would. i'd just leave him with the worst feeling ever. =]
watch your partners associations. all his friends cheat. mine the rare one does. most of mine think its the most immature thing you could do. so now i check out their friends and thinking first.
id rather be alone than with a fool.
now while he's trying to play nice im trying to finish up divorce papers. Im done.
i think i might have forgiven n worked things through IF he hadnt said and did certain things. it wasnt the cheating. it was. he never took me anywhere. he got her a limo. he rarely saw his kids or talked to me, he was on with her 24/7.
he left her with i love you and told me he nevr loved me. he wouldnt tell her he didnt want her in his life when he broke things off. basically he treats others better than he ever treated me.
now that i treat him like dirt, he feels hurt. and it bothers him ive been dating other people. as if id really wait until he was done. nahhh he can play around, so can i. but when i do it. i wont go back and forth like he would. i'd just leave him with the worst feeling ever. =]
watch your partners associations. all his friends cheat. mine the rare one does. most of mine think its the most immature thing you could do. so now i check out their friends and thinking first.
id rather be alone than with a fool.
^^^^^^Yep. They say watch the company that you keep. It could rub off if you aren't strong willed.
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirlPosted by VirgoVixxxen
My sister said the exact same thing about Shania's husband possibly resenting her because of her success. I think this situation is definitely going to usher her into a new level of independence. I don't ever think it's a good idea to make your partner you "everything".
She said after her divorce she didn't know how she would produce another album again without him, and she didn't think any man would want to marry her after being rejected by her husband. You should have seen the look on Oprah's face. It's almost like she couldn't see outside of herself. All she could see was him. So beautiful, talented...and married again (even though in a weird twist of fate it's to the ex-husband of the very ex-best friend MaryAnne who cheated with her husband...*GASP*). All the best to her.
Look at what happened to Whitney. Even though she is an adult that made the decision to partake in smoking crack with her husband, Bobby introduced it to her. That's a classic case of, "I'm jealous because I used to be the r&b king and now I'm Mr. Whitney Houston. Let me help to bring you down with me."
I always believe that each half in a relationship should have their own, seperate jobs and hobbies. I'm not saying that they cannot share hobbies. I'm sure you know what I mean. When one person gets lost or bored because they are waiting on the other to "get back" then s&@t stars swarming in their head. Get a life! And don't forget me while you're at it.click to expand
You are preaching to the choir.
He was no good for her. I saw it coming. Many did, and now she's struggling to get back to the person she was pre-Bobby all the while he's gone on with his life, and just had a new baby with another woman.
I agree about having your own life/own interests. I think it helps to keep things spicy (Jay z & Beyonce anyone?), and reduces boredom. I suspect that Shania's husband resented her success and knew that he was pretty much her everything.
Posted by VirgoLaydee
for the first 6 months i tried to work things out with my hsband regardless. i gave my word for better or worse to stick th8ings through. made it more than clear she was "better" and didnt want me ... so eventually I was like ... i dont need this. keep her. im better off. he's now trying to come back and "work things out" as he never "loved her" and just "said things" to make me move on. (well congrats to my scorpio ex, it worked)
now while he's trying to play nice im trying to finish up divorce papers. Im done.
i think i might have forgiven n worked things through IF he hadnt said and did certain things. it wasnt the cheating. it was. he never took me anywhere. he got her a limo. he rarely saw his kids or talked to me, he was on with her 24/7.
he left her with i love you and told me he nevr loved me. he wouldnt tell her he didnt want her in his life when he broke things off. basically he treats others better than he ever treated me.
now that i treat him like dirt, he feels hurt. and it bothers him ive been dating other people. as if id really wait until he was done. nahhh he can play around, so can i. but when i do it. i wont go back and forth like he would. i'd just leave him with the worst feeling ever. =]
watch your partners associations. all his friends cheat. mine the rare one does. most of mine think its the most immature thing you could do. so now i check out their friends and thinking first.
id rather be alone than with a fool.
Quite a piece of work, this guy.
Good for you that you've moved on with your life.
Seems like now that he's getting a dose of his own medicine, he can't handle it. Typical.
Keep doing what's best for you.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
You are preaching to the choir.
He was no good for her. I saw it coming. Many did, and now she's struggling to get back to the person she was pre-Bobby all the while he's gone on with his life, and just had a new baby with another woman.
I agree about having your own life/own interests. I think it helps to keep things spicy (Jay z & Beyonce anyone?), and reduces boredom. I suspect that Shania's husband resented her success and knew that he was pretty much her everything.
Right. Bobby was a motha sucka! LoL. I bet that he regrets a lot of things. I was just wondering how he is still trying to have babies and he wasn't even there for the ones that he had before. Hmmmmm...too busy partying and going on. I despise men that try and mess up women's lives because of their lack of manhood. I think it is selfish and ignorant. My question is, why in the hell are they marrying these women of power? Didn't they realize beforehand that they would soon become Mr. B*#% h? LoL. They should have gotten over it.
All of this just goes to show that beauty is nothing. Men will treat a beautiful woman like crap just the same as a less attractive woman. Especially if she is running the show.
re initial post
no second chances - you should have treasured it the first time
no second chances - you should have treasured it the first time
Posted by PlanetMercuryGirlPosted by VirgoVixxxen
You are preaching to the choir.
He was no good for her. I saw it coming. Many did, and now she's struggling to get back to the person she was pre-Bobby all the while he's gone on with his life, and just had a new baby with another woman.
I agree about having your own life/own interests. I think it helps to keep things spicy (Jay z & Beyonce anyone?), and reduces boredom. I suspect that Shania's husband resented her success and knew that he was pretty much her everything.
Right. Bobby was a motha sucka! LoL. I bet that he regrets a lot of things. I was just wondering how he is still trying to have babies and he wasn't even there for the ones that he had before. Hmmmmm...too busy partying and going on. I despise men that try and mess up women's lives because of their lack of manhood. I think it is selfish and ignorant. My question is, why in the hell are they marrying these women of power? Didn't they realize beforehand that they would soon become Mr. B*#% h? LoL. They should have gotten over it.
All of this just goes to show that beauty is nothing. Men will treat a beautiful woman like crap just the same as a less attractive woman. Especially if she is running the show.click to expand
You really think he has regrets? I don't know why...but I just can't see it!
He probably married her in the hopes of ressurecting his career. We see how that turned out, and he managed to destroy hers in the process.
Posted by zeoblade
re initial post
no second chances - you should have treasured it the first time
I love how we're all pretty much on the same page.
Posted by VirgoVixxxen
I love how we're all pretty much on the same page.
yes thats very reassuring, i want to find a virgo gf - well at least an earth element. we can understand each others needs and have similar dislikes
Yes I would. Let's start over. I forgive you you forgive me.
But let's make it known that if you cheat on me, I can do the same to you.
I will make it as fair as it can be, but lets face it, it's already cheating to begin with.
But let's make it known that if you cheat on me, I can do the same to you.
I will make it as fair as it can be, but lets face it, it's already cheating to begin with.
Posted by buttercup
Yes I would. Let's start over. I forgive you you forgive me.
But let's make it known that if you cheat on me, I can do the same to you.
I will make it as fair as it can be, but lets face it, it's already cheating to begin with.
Wow, I admire that, but don't think I could ever do it. 😢
I guess that's the best thing about relationships - you can make your own rules.
Every time I took someone back after failure of the relationship the first time it turned around and bit me back in the asshole. So no second chances, especially if they cheated . I also know married couples who cheat/cheated in the beginning and it obviously isn't a relationship meant to be. Especially, for many reasons they got together for in the first place. If there were children involved it really depends on the circumstance and how we were in the beginning.
Being cheated on is my/everyones worst nightmare and its very traumatic .... Better to break up with me first if you want someone else to fulfill your needs In that case we can both moving on and have a peace of mind....
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