What Would You Do?

I know a woman (not a friend) who is sneaking around and cheating with a married man. I don't know the man or his wife, except by name. I DO know the woman cheating with the man because she is the same one who busted up MY relationship a couple of years back and left left me in financial and emotional shambles.

Since then I've regained my life, but now since I know she is doing it to someone else I feel I want to let the wife know what's going on. I guess because I was there and wish I had been told. I have the wife's name, phone# and address and I am torn between staying silent, or letting her know. She has been married to this guy for many years and has a teenager. The woman he's cheating with (since I now know her personality) is only out for financial security. She will destroy this wife's life and think nothing of it! What would you do?

I know myself well enough to know that part of me just wants to stop the cheating bitch in her tracks...the other part of me doesn't want the other woman to hurt like I did. Thanks

wow, that's a tough one. if it were me, the most i would do is an anonymous tip-off.

that's what I was thinking, maybe slip a note in the mail and hope the husband doesn't get it? Or that she thinks I'm some quack...since she doesn't know me.

I can't say too much or the husband will put 2 and 2 together and know that it's me. (He knows about her last man-stealing session).

Are you saying KILL the bitch? 🙂

Though, standing on the whole moral ground .. I can see where this would feel compelling to set things right .. however, JW ...

It sounds to me from your testimony that doing this is for self-satisfaction because you felt betrayed .. rather than for the good of the cause.

Ask yourself this question, seriously .. if this person hadn't fucked you over in the past, would you even care?

Likely not.

I'm not trying to make judgement, rather, for you to come to a full awareness within yourself .. is this a right for the person involved? Or, is it a revenge for you gain satisfaction?

PA ..yes, I am seriously considering that. Am I just seeking revenge without fully taking in the scope of my actions? I think I want the lady caught, and stopped from doing it again...too you know like mothers against drunk driving. They can't bring their kids back, but maybe prevent another loss. It's tossed up between self-satisfaction, and preventing her from damaging another household (if the damage is not already irrepairable). This is what I want to explore. However, I DO like the poison nut thing 😉

Hi ARCHER!! Yes He came back to ME! AFTER she drained him of almost 25 grand! I refused to take him back for over 16months. But as you know saggi's can be very persistant! LOL

They basically had nothing together after a mear 2 months together. In 2 months a very long relationship was crushed and I was screwed financially (BAAAADDD)! Then he realized that she was only "good" to him when he spent money on 'er so he stopped. Then she became super-wheaties Bitch Woman.

I suspect that our karma comes more so from our motivation, rather than our actions, for it's energy based, not physical.

Bad can be done .. for a good reason and/or cause.
Good can be done .. for a selfish reason.

It's not THAT the wind is blowing .. it's WHAT the wind is blowing.

Now she's turned to this guy she works with KNOWING FULL WELL he is married with a kid. It really pisses me off that she has no regard for anyone. BRB...Gotta take lunch.

PA this is why I put it on the board. I feel really torn about what is RIGHT and what is SELFISH....I think it is a mixture, and if the wind wasn't blowing there would be nothing to be a "WHAT" So it is both that the wind IS blowing, and WHAT the wind is blowing...however that matters.

***I can't say too much or the husband will put 2 and 2 together and know that it's me. (He knows about her last man-stealing session).***

Does it really matter that he knows whether you say anything or not. You know, that is a very sticky situation but, if I was the wife I would want to know no matter what. She will be hurt either way and you can either help her to find out sooner than later or just leave it alone and let his wife live in a dream world until it comes crumbling down on her later. On one hand it is none of your business and on the other hand you don't want it to happen to someone else. I don't know........Flip a coin!!

"PA this is why I put it on the board. I feel really torn about what is RIGHT and what is SELFISH....I think it is a mixture"

Oh, I thought you didn't understand .. you're just hashing it over verbally, then .. sorry.

There's something I don't understand here .. with this situation and the one to which you, JW, experienced previous that leads you to feel compelled to take action, or not. Also, in references to the responsers responses.

If your man from the past, cheated on you with this particular lady, was it the lady's fault, or your MAN's fault, for he is the one who betrayed you, not her.

If another man is cheating on his wife with this lady .. again, isn't this the man's fault? He is the one who is suppose to show loyalty .. not the woman.

Just as YOUR MAN was the one who was suppose to show loyalty .. not some random slut.

I don't get this .. the focus seems to be on that a slut is at fault .. when in reality, isn't it the man?

This escapes me .. if my husband cheated .. it would irrelevant as to "who" the other person was, for HE is the one who is bound to me .. not his piece on the side.

Why is the angst against a slut and not against the honour the man is supposed to show out of respect for his woman?

It wasn't this woman who left you in financial and emotional direstraights, rather, your man, JW.

I don't get it .. the aim is altered.

"she is the same one who busted up MY relationship a couple of years back"

How is this so? Was it not your mans choice to sleep with her?

"to stop the cheating bitch in her tracks"

Cheating? Her?
Isn't it HIM who's the cheater?
Is this "bitch" married to the other woman?

This makes no sense .. how could the "bitch" be the cheater if she isn't the one who is bound with honour to the other person?

Jwalker..

Stop persuading something that could causing you stress and brings you an unhealthy imagination for a long time, for your own good, let the past be past.


You won't gain anything anyway!

And remember the first and most important rule of Karma, what you do now backfire on you sooner or later.

OK PA let me explain that yes first THEY (the men) are cheaters. I have NO feeling whatsoever for the man in this situation. I think he would get what HE deserves if his wife finds out and takes everything they ever worked for together. I ended up forgiving mine (still in process). But NEVER for one minute didn't realize HE was at fault. The fact is I got to KNOW her motive for doing it, and she sexually flaunts herself and then takes what she can. This WILL destroy the other marriage unless the guy backs off and dumps her. I feel compelled to take action because it's a terrible thing to have it going on behind your back, AND I want to stop her. (YES AND HIM). For a peice of arse he is going to ruin his life.

P-Angel has a really good point here. I totally agree with it. It is the man's fault for cheating no matter what. There is always going to be someone you may be attracted to but, whether you act on it is another story. Never put yourself in the position that would give you a chance to cheat and you you won't. Well, your ex did and so did this guy and it is their fault not the girl.

The rule of leaving the partner (male or female) is pretty much the same in both genders.

Lack of satisfactions?

What the hell are you talking about PEE—

Then Q-BONE, would it be safe to say if I do something to upright what is wrong, I can expect it to come back to me? I admit the feelings of revenge are strong. It's more like "Oh God NO! I"m not letting her get by with this again!" kind of like the Adultery Police HAHA GRRRRRRRRRRR 😛

"I can't say too much or the husband will put 2 and 2 together and know that it's me. (He knows about her last man-stealing session)."


What does this mean?

He KNOWS about her past?

And still CHOOSES to cheat on his wife with her, yet, he's the one who should be not only excused, also, PROTECTED?

Someone please explain what I am apparantly missing.

A married man cheats .. that's overlooked
A sinlge woman sleeps with a man .. she is at fault?

He KNOWS that she's a gold-digger?

How exactly, is this (bitch/slut) at fault?

How can one steal a man?
Was he kidnapped?

If a man CHOOSES to sleep with another .. how is he being stolen?

The aim is altered and I don't get it .. doesn't this REALLY mean that it hurts so bad that your man would cheat on you, that fault has to be found outside of the fact that he didn't want you, and in so doing, slept with another?

Sorry, that was direct .. but, isn't that the real truth?

You guys don't understand this womans agenda... The guys ARE at fault but she is targeting them like a prostitute would except she's not standing on the street corner. Her aim is to simply get "PAID" for sex.

Sorry .. I don't mean to offend here, just trying to understand why the direction in which the focus doesn't make sense.

I shouldn't have said the above .. that was too far.

PA again, I am NOT overlooking his fault he did know and HE is a son of a btch but does his wife deserve to KNOW??

Then Q-BONE, would it be safe to say if I do something to upright what is wrong

You don't do things in this wayupright, you are seeking a revenge and that is not ?upright?; it is ?wrong?.

Everything that happen in our lifetime has its own meaning and should be interpreted with wisdom and correct manners.

"Her aim is to simply get "PAID" for sex."


I would say that they majority of the married women out there do this everyday .. they just aren't aware of it .. the man, however, is fully aware that if he didn't get the "sex", his wife wouldn't get financial rewards, such as his paychecks every week.

Oh, well .. it's not the first time I didn't get it .. won't be the last. 🙂

I'm not trying to offend you, JW .. just searching as to why this appears to be appropriate action by everyone, except me .. as usual.

"Everything that happen in our lifetime has its own meaning and should be interpreted with wisdom and correct manners."


Exactly why I have YOU around...this is true 🙂

SO then sweethearts says she should know, but q-bone says it's a selfish motive. Some say they need arses kicked. AND PA is right in saying that it wouldn't matter to me if it hadn't happened to me. I don't care either if a tree falls in the forrest, but I care if one falls in my backyard!

No one has offended me. I just want you to understand that I know the wrong and right of it falls on BOTH sets of shoulders. Just let me ask you, if YOU were the wife would YOU want to know? O.k. I guess that's where I'm coming from because I would have wanted to know.

ARCHER thank you, but they can't STAND each other...probably some EGO wars there.

JW

No offence but, you've accepted the tragedies in your life with honour and dignity, please don't destroy your validity and grace by this kind of things..


Its not your class anyway?

I guess I knew everyone would have varying opinions to this, and that's pretty much how I feel inside. Pulled in different directions. Maybe Q-bone is right to say I should just let it be...it's just that it gnaws at me...I know so far I have kept it to mysself, and it just doesn't go away. I almost feel like I am betraying the wife myself...I know that probably sounds silly.

Thank you Q-bone..you are more than likely right as I have kept it to myself so far. I will continue to do so, and surely this too shall pass.

JW

it's just that it gnaws at me

I've been in the same situations manytimes so don't feel alone on this, but what I've learned is a nice trick to get around this kinds of feelings..

Write it down you most inner hate and aggressiveness, the burn it..

Do it as many times you need to? it helped me most of the time in first attempt.

JW

You are very welcome.

Losing the grace is really easy.. keeping it with dignity is hard, its Virgo thing I guess..

Wish you good luck

🙂

Thank you P-Angel and all..Yes you are right. I do not know what the status is of the entire situation. The wife MAY know. Just as you said you knew. So maybe if what you KNOW hurts you, you were still hurt, even though it was never hashed out. You simply live with "knowing" which is I guess what I need to do.

and for you P angel

I'M printing that one!

LMAO

You're welcome, JW .. I hope all this helps to sort everything out, so you know your path.

it has certainly helped me. Maybe I can let it rest that silence is golden in this instance. My life has enough drama I guess without dabbling where I don't belong. If what goes around comes around I'm just gonna ask God to let me be a looky-loo 😉

~"like when you are typing on this board & breathing in air & stuff is that not real life to you?"


—————?

Oh, ok .. uummm because breathing air & stuff seems real to you?

Ok, lol .. wondering what the "stuff" is, though

~"like when you are typing on this board & breathing in air & stuff is that not real life to you?"

lol, archer .. I'm still laughing and trying to figure this out ..

.. breathing in air & STUFF? What stuff? I usually just breathe in oxygen.

I have to say, if I was breathing in something other than oxygen, then I may have to question about the whole "real life" part.

Notso just throws this shit out here to make us bust guts .. just to make sure life is feeling like, real & stuff.

Thanks for everyone's input. You are all great! I needed the gentle nudging of my fellow dxp'rs. I agree that I should just leave it be and let the fates have at it. As a few of you said there are too many unknowns for me to act on a singular known. Yes it may backfire on me DC, and yes the wife may not give a damn I don't know. And yes, it would be more vengance than purity from my side, so I decided to take the higher road, although, I have discovered something through all of the posts. I think I'm CURIOUS as to whether the wife knows or not. I guess that's putting my nose definitely where it doesn't belong. You know, that human nature thing, that gets sucked in to drama even when it doesn't belong us, and yet we feel compelled to get our own arses deep in crap.
So I'm leaving it alone. I'm sure I will still secretly wonder of the outcome, (and truly I do hope the wife is not hurt). Talking it out has been good...THANKS ALL!!

"and the fact it is used as her signature, ... is INDICATION/ DEDICATION to some one (singular/ plural) to know how absurd it is/ or how significant"

Oh, I see .. exploitation of another's idiocy ..
Thanks for clearing that up, archer .. glad I missed that thread, then.



JW .. I'm glad you were able to gain what insight you needed to (do) whatever decision feels (right) for you.

Virgogotme Hi. Thanks for your input, and I know when it happened to me, I wished I had the scoop before the bomb dropped. That's me personally though. I'm sure if some may end up in a similar spot, they may change their tune, but you have to BE there I guess. Anyway, I choose to keep it to myself, because I just don't know ENOUGH. What I do know is what goes around comes around. I hope I can be a spectater when it comes.

I reserve the right to speak for myself.

WOW Capgirl!!! You have said a mouthful in words I would have used if I had found them! I totally agree with you. Yes, this woman does need to be pitied, for her words to me were "Well, I didn't DO ANYTHING except come between a relationship!!" Can you believe that?? That's the mentality she has for her action (in my case). Probably thinks the same in this recent case too. Thank you for your kind words Cap.

Jwalker, I'd kick back, relax, and watch the fireworks fly!! lol; but I realize in a parallel sense that I'd have to be as petty, and worthless as the person sneaking around on my mate/partner to actually care to watch this display of easy-virtuosity, and selfishness. Look this is the age of free love, and marriage at this time can only be up held by anyone who CAN'T be married; we always want what we can't have because the unknown is just more tasty than the same bland, dreded routine.....J, I honestly don't believe it's NORMAL for humans to LINK/MARRY/COMMITT to one relationship; it's neither realistic, or fair; but then, to meet the person that you actually can (I am cynical as far as marriage goes becuase how many people actually bother to think about the long-run, and look through the pretenses of their partner?)fall in love with, well, good luck to 'em! Crazy bastardz....lol