Why won't he say it back?

On two occasions now, I've told the Virgo man that I loved him and was crazy about him, but he won't say it back. He instead cracks little jokes about how he's not perfect enough for me, etc. This last time was on Christmas Eve. I told him (this time via text) that I loved him and Merry Christmas and he cracked a joke. I then told him that sometimes saying nothing at all after someone has said that to you is better than cracking jokes and I would stop telling him how I felt. He said I was being silly and he was just injecting some self-depricating humor, yet he still would not say it back, just "don't be like that" (meaning getting upset that he was cracking jokes).

Even after that exchange, he called me yesterday morning to wish me Merry Christmas and came over for a little bit last night to give me my Christmas present (we were both out of town until last night). And that's another thing. The gift was nice, but the message on the card? Very generic. I know it's the thought that counts, and I know he cares for me, and might even love me because of the little things he does for me, but why the hard shell?

BTW, Merry Christmas to all of you - or Happy Holidays - whichever doesn't offend you!

1.Don't confess feelings over text.

2.If you love someone and decide to tell them, don't do it expecting they also confess feelings. Do it because it feels right for you to say it.

3.Don't force us. What you wrote below sounds like you were forcing him in that direction:

Posted by houstonpeach74
I then told him that sometimes saying nothing at all after someone has said that to you is better than cracking jokes and I would stop telling him how I felt.

He is taking his time. Possibly sorting out his feelings. Virgo emotions can't be expressed at the drop of a hat. Be patient and stay the course.

You made the choice to say it when you felt ready. That doesn't mean he's also ready or should be expected to say it as well. Give him his own time to do it. It'll mean so much more that way.

Sounds to me like you're trying to manipulate him.

so much for you trying to make us believe you are sincere

Damnata, this was the only time I said it during text because we were both out of town with families and talking on the phone wasn't feasible. He knows how I feel about him because I tell him verbally here and there. The "I love you"s are just a big deal for me, so it's crushing if you don't hear it back. I get that people will say it on their own terms, but you still can't deny that it doesn't feel good if you don't get just a smidge of something in return.

Thanks everyone else for your opinions, too.

Posted by houstonpeach74
Damnata, this was the only time I said it during text because we were both out of town with families and talking on the phone wasn't feasible. He knows how I feel about him because I tell him verbally here and there. The "I love you"s are just a big deal for me, so it's crushing if you don't hear it back. I get that people will say it on their own terms, but you still can't deny that it doesn't feel good if you don't get just a smidge of something in return.

Thanks everyone else for your opinions, too.

As a fellow earth sign, I understand how you feel. You go out on a limb, take a risk and the risk hasn't paid off....YET. I said it approximately six months before my aqua said it to me. But, I did it lightly and didn't act all embarrassed by it. I said it, I felt it, I owned it, I didn't pressure him. He was sweeter and spent even more time with me after that. He finally admitted he wasn't very good at expressing his feelings verbally and he did love me but just not good with the words. So, from my experience, if they don't run and treat you even better, then that's the payoff for taking the risk. Oh, aqua has a virgo moon. So hopefully, this story is relevant to your situation.

But you're right, it feels good to be reassured. Yet, if he's reassuring you in every other way than verbally, take that as reassurance.

Oh and I don't mean you take the risk for the payoff. You say it because you feel it with nothing expected back in return.

But, it does feel that way sometimes after taking a risk like that.

Just have to keep things in perspective.

Posted by soultalk
I have a tough time saying it back either cos I'm all choked up or I'm not feeling u mean it or I'm not feeling it.

That's not confusing at all! LOL

Truecap, he's hasn't ran off, that's for sure. Between the gifts, the little things he does for me, inviting me out to dinner with his kids, and most recently inviting to a gala this Saturday and wanting to cook for me tomorrow night, he's not running off. Doesn't mean though that he isn't confusing. 😉

He does not feel the way you feel (yet) and/or isn't ready to profess it to you (yet) but that doesn't mean he can't or won't catch up to were you are in the love department, will take some time.

If he's not reciprocating then stop saying it because the more you say it you appear desperate and that's not a good look and could be one reason why he's holding back.

If you've said it more than once in person and via text and he has not reciprocated then it's just time to hold back so you won't feel off balance which can create insecure negative feelings.

Hi, Tiki. Long time! Yes, the desperateness is something I don't want to appear to be. That's why I told him on Christmas Eve that I should just stop saying these things and he responded with "don't be like that..."

I do plan to hold back at this point and he also knows that I only go out on a limb for so long and if someone doesn't intend to go out there with me, I retract. I don't want to retract before he makes his move, but I also don't want to force him to say or do something before he's ready. I just hope it's not a case of it being "a little too late".

Simple solution. Stop with the expectations. You put it out there, didn't get in return what you wanted, and tried again. He got the hint. If he feels the same way, it will come, however not forced by you.

my virg and I were talking the other day about relationships. he talked about girls saying "i love You' etc, etc.. I think that it is scary for him, and puts pressure on them. Not that he doesnt have those feelings, but they will wait until they know for sure, with out a doubt that it is true. The are very smart that way, not gonna put themselves out there. But, I think thst sctions speak louder than words, by all means

Posted by houstonpeach74

.... he's hasn't ran off, that's for sure. Between the gifts, the little things he does for me, inviting me out to dinner with his kids, and most recently inviting to a gala this Saturday and wanting to cook for me tomorrow night, he's not running off.

Doesn't mean though that he isn't confusing.

And why is that confusing, exactly?


Is it because a person (in this case, him) has to act/react just like you would, in order for a person to comprehend what gestures mean?

How fucking selfish.

So much for empathy, right?

I mean, if his actions show how he feels ... you aren't able to get that? You can only process your heart by expected words done ONLY after you've prodded?

I mean ... I don't see any sincerity here.

You've created a situation here ... and now expect him to play his part in order for you to feel he is worth your efforts?


what?


What do people fucking women want, is the question I'm asking ..... it's never enough for you, is it?

I mean the guy can be amazing, as you've described him to be to us over and over and again ... but, it's not enough. You create a situation in where he can no longer experience this relationship with you as him ... he now has to go in the relationship with you, according your design ... like your puppet.


when is it enough?

jc Houston Peach ..... sit the fuck down

Wow, P...It must be tiring to be the only perfect person on DXP...how do you manage that? You tend to read only what you want into everyone's posts and form pure hate from the start. You can continue to post your opinions on my posts, but this is the last time I will say anything about your poor, pathetic parasitic life.

Yes, raerae, actions do speak louder than words and he knows how appreciative I am of him for the things he does for me. 🙂

From a guy's perspective he may not love you, at least not the way you want. How long have you two been together?

if you two have been together for a couple years and he hasnt told you it back, he doesnt love you.

Leejt, I met him in February of this year at a volunteer event, then we cooled things off for a few months. I dated someone casually for three months (July-Sept) but we remained in contact during that time, then he and I reconnected after I ended things with the other person. So in essence, we've only reconnected the last 3 months. I know I must give it more time, that's not my issue - it's just trying to understand the hard shell some of these men have when it comes to expressing feelings. He has admitted he is horrible with communication, but I can tell he's trying for the most part. I'm just a little more sure of my feelings than him. 🙂

I was, and still am, fully aware that the truth is usually too hard of a pill to swallow .... but, the truth still remains.

The fact that you cannot tolerate hearing the truth, doesn't mare my image ... so, your assessment of me and my intentions in presenting you the truth, doesn't discredit me.


::: shakes head :::



I remember at one time, you were mature.

He's just not ready to say it. That's all. You're a Taurus, you do know how us earthy signs are cautious and want to be sure first. 🙂
It took me a year to know how I felt.

Furthermore, it doesn't matter if you respond back to me ... because I've never asked for your approval AND the people reading (who matter) ... needs to comprehend the truth lying inbetween the lines.


According to you, and all that you have written .. you have an amazing relationship.

Now, because you have created an environment where his actions are no longer satisfactory, and now he must cater to your feelings in uttering, or acting upon ... words you said to him, in order for you to continue to accept that he is an amazing guy.

The fact that you cannot handle hearing that truth, is of no consequence to me .. because how your insults effect me doesn't alter your relationship.

What altered your relationship and will continue to alter it is ... the fact that you have changed the terms of relating with him, by means of manipulation.

A Virgo is usually easy to manipulate, so you might succeed at this for quite some time. And the reason for this is because they are so simplistic, that they will always give a person the benefit of doubt, in believing that people are good. So, you may very well be able to pull and manipulate his strings for a while.

However, it won't be forever. And once he does figure out, you better prepare yourself for a rude awakening. That is, if your ego is actually capable of preparing you for the truth.

... because once he figures out that you are trying to toy with him for self satisfaction due to being emotionally weak ... you will no longer exist.

There won't be any texts, or talks ... there will only be crickets ... FOREVER.


good luck with that

Posted by Damnata
1.Don't confess feelings over text.

It's impersonal.

Posted by Damnata
2.If you love someone and decide to tell them, don't do it expecting they also confess feelings. Do it because it feels right for you to say it.

This ^^^^

Posted by Damnata
3.Don't force us. What you wrote below sounds like you were forcing him in that direction:

click to expand

Exactly!

Posted by truecap


As a fellow earth sign, I understand how you feel. You go out on a limb, take a risk and the risk hasn't paid off....YET. I

HoustonPeach,
You probably approached the potential relationship slowly and gradually. Leaving yourself a safety net as you assessed this Virgo. When you felt completely safe with him, the green light prompted, and you unleashed your feelings to him.

When it wasn't reciprocated, you panicked....and probably felt a ping of regret.

From what you told us about this Virgo, he has shown you reliability, safety, honesty, and consistency. Most Bulls look for those traits in a long term partner.

Don't allow your insecurities to force a verbal reciprocation of "I Love You."

He seems like a great guy.

Just enjoy the moment, and stop worrying. He will tell you when he's ready.

Sometimes these signs can be just as cautious, if not, more cautious than we are...😛

Happy Holidays.🙂

CC-

I don't rely too much on words, really, unless I'm still assessing a potential partner, actively listening, quietly observing or checking for inconsistencies.

"I Love You" are just words. This can be referenced by anyone, regardless of their true intentions. It doesn't mean it's concrete, stabilized, or always genuine.

I look for consistency, reliability, honesty, and integrity in an individual.

The traits that I listed above can only be demonstrated through actions.

For me (being a stereotypical Earth sign), a man who exuded those traits can emit a natural high that can be much more euphoric than hearing the words, "I love you."

I don't think this Virgo is doing anything wrong, really.

Just my opinion.

Posted by P-Angel

I was, and still am, fully aware that the truth is usually too hard of a pill to swallow .... but, the truth still remains.

I remember at one time, you were mature.

The truth breeds hate here. She is looking for everyone to answer HER way. I too remember when she was decent, scrap that into the shit pile. That entitlement crap people come here for doesn't fly.

Posted by Damnata
1.Don't confess feelings over text.

2.If you love someone and decide to tell them, don't do it expecting they also confess feelings. Do it because it feels right for you to say it.

3.Don't force us.

This. I believe that's Chapter 1 in the "How to Have a Mature Relationship" manual. Sad, most people just skip to the "How To Make Sex with Your Partner Earth Shattering" section of the book.

Posted by Geminivixenn



Lol, you and P angel are both funny!! I see what you guys are trying to do here.. But jeez, do you have to be so harsh. You guys are brutal. Say it without the hate. State your opinion and keep your insecurities to yourselves. Any relationship question and you guys will bite our heads off.. It's her business whether if she looks stupid telling this guy I love you or not.. Again.. State your opinion without the personal rude comments (she never asked for rude comments, she asked for answers).. If she is getting answers and still not getting the message then leave her alone. That's her issue, not yours. You guys get involved as if it was your case, get a life. Go ahead and bash me.. I'm ready, but I will not pay you guys any mind. Typical water signs.

psst..hey delete queen ..

































































fuck off..

LMAO!! LetItB I've never seen you so vulgar....I like it!

But for the most part Houston it's been 3 whole months, that's a really short amount of time to know if you truly love someone and maybe that's another reason why he's holding back, he can't be really sure if it's been such a short amount of time.

Slow down...

Take it easy...I don't see anything that should worry you. Besides, from personal experience, the connection that is made between a Taurus and a Virgo transcends speech... The comfort of silence. Enjoy that 🙂

Thanks for your responses. An update: he came over last night although we had no plans to see one another. He said it was just going to be a quick visit as he just wanted to tell me he missed me today and was looking forward to Saturday.

As he was leaving, I said "I meant what I said the other day" - I didn't have to go into detail, he knew what I meant. He said "I know you did and I feel the same. I just am horrible at verbalizing things like that".

I'll take it!l

I don't see why you had to reinforce what you said for the third time. I'm sure he understood the first two times.

You guys get paraphrased versions of my conversations ...I cut it down to give you all the part relevant to this OP. Damn, it really must be tiring to deal with such imperfect people such as me.

I get that when I post things I am subjecting myself to your opinions??_ All of your opinions. But seriously, do you talk to people like this in real life? If so, do you have any friends? Tact people. It goes along way.

aweee.. thats sweet! See how we scare ourselves sometimes? think we say the wrong thing, or regret saying our feelings, or put ourselves out their on a limb, by ourselves. I spent the night with my guy last night. I could of swore he said I love you when we were sleeping, and I said, don't say that. I honestly don't know if I was dreaming or if it was real... we have had conversations in our sleep before. lol. I am so torn between taking it slow, at his pace or throwing myself out there, at mine. But I have learned some very valuable lessons. I hold back, wait for him to catch up. But really, a lessoned I learned is that it is o.k. to take it slow and savor every minute of this "courtship". I think we all get in such a rush to claim what we want and before you know it your unhappy.


—I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.??
?? Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
This is me, over, and over, and over again. trying to change that!

Posted by houstonpeach74
I get that when I post things I am subjecting myself to your opinions??_ All of your opinions. But seriously, do you talk to people like this in real life? If so, do you have any friends? Tact people. It goes along way.

Yes and yes.

Posted by houstonpeach74
You guys get paraphrased versions of my conversations ...I cut it down to give you all the part relevant to this OP. Damn, it really must be tiring to deal with such imperfect people such as me.

If you are accusing yourself as being imperfect based on coming across desperate in the OP, then so be it. Noone used the word imperfect, they responded to what you shared and obviously overlooked in yourself.

Posted by houstonpeach74
I get that when I post things I am subjecting myself to your opinions??_ All of your opinions. But seriously, do you talk to people like this in real life? If so, do you have any friends? Tact people. It goes along way.

click to expand

Yes I do talk to people like this. Yes, I have friends who appreciate honesty without the demand for tact because they've learned when they ask me a question or for an opinion it's not going to be sugar coated especially if I sense they are in harms way or about to fuck up a relationship.