Aqua behavior - what is this?

I wrote here a few months ago about this Aqua woman, at a time when I was deeply in love with her. I will try to make the story as short as possible now and hope to give me a clue of what is in her mind. I was reading through the threads here and doesn't seem to be a typical Aqua behavior. Or I might be wrong, maybe you could help me.

So, almost a year ago, she started chasing me more and more, I was in no mood for a rs but I enjoyed the flirt for 4 months (only 1-2 dates, because she refused many of my proposals). At the same time, we got closer as friends, talked for hours, helped me get over my divorce. At some point we both developed feelings. She was VERY expressive with her feelings, saying she cant stop thinking about me, cant sleep, she's in love with me etc etc. Also the ghosting phases came and went (she would always come back the next day, saying she cant stop talking to me). Everything was VERY intense between us, a bit consuming for both.

Back then, I was kinda messed up with my life (family problems, divorce, lack of confidence etc). Also, I was involved romantically with 2 other women (the Aqua knew this, as we started as friends; she had a fwb also). I ended things with the other women, but I don't think the Aqua believed me. She "hibernated" for 2 weeks, I started chasing her (I was madly in love with her). I surprised her in a stalkerish manner, she didn't liked it at all, I was infuriated at her for leaving me like an idiot in the middle of a street. After this, I chased her again for a couple of weeks, but you could literally see that I was being needy and clingy. She told me we will never be together and that we don't talk personal stuff anymore.

OK, I got the message and did no contact for a month. This is were it gets interesting: she begin texting me all kind of pretext about work, just to check up on me. After a few weeks she asked me to have lunch, I refused, she asked me if I'm single, saying she misses me a lot etc. I asked her on a date, she said yes, then changed her mind. Then, for the past month, we've been playing this cat and mouse game, where I ask her out, she is suuuper thrilled about it, then backs away, saying she likes being single, doesn't want something else in her life, that is messed up etc. Then she asks me out. I couldn't make it, twice (objective reasons). She says that she runs away from me as hard as she can, but she feels is against nature to do this, that I attract her like a magnet. She insists on seeing me at the office, just to chat. Big changes in her life during the last months (including leaving her fwb).

My feelings for her are starting to leave me. But it puzzles me with her behavior. She is just not in the right mindset for a rs, as she says, or doesn't know what she wants, or unsure about how I feel for her (she has a child who adores me, and that complicates things). Or what? Hope you Aquas have a clue here. Thanks!!

I'm not an Aqua , though I do share a few placements. So I hope real Aqua don't mind mlife sharing from my point of view .. im doing similar behaviour to the Aqua guy I'm seeing... I honestly think your girl is experiencing a lot of fear... the more she's scared of the feeling for you the more up n down she will b. She's very insecure about your relationship or whatever you want to call it.... my Aqua had to go through so much with me coz I was super emotional roller coaster. Ending things one day, wanting him the next it was exhausting.... I can relate to her.. so my question is, what do u truly want from her? Do u now want a relationship with her? Are you ONLY dating her? If so, let her know. Action not words.... prove to her.. show her consistency... help her feel safe and help her ground her emotion.... understand her without asking her.. once she knows you get her without her having to explain her emotion is a big bonus... !!! I have Aqua moon so I operate similar when it comes to emotion...

@saweetz1988 - I have been following Bav for a whole now and know his story inside out. He has made a lot of effort with this woman and she consistently flakes on him then reaches out in a minor way and then flakes again.

How much more consistent do you think he can be. What actions does he need to take to show her he is serious?

She likes you, that's why she is shying you so often. But she is not over with her past and I do not believe she will be, soon. It may take years to feel secure enough for a clean relationship. My Aquarius is also born 31/01. He does the same. He crosses so often the line between friendship and relationship that I got used to it and sometimes I have to remind him that we are only friends (at least we pretend to be only that). 🙂

Posted by MrR78
@saweetz1988 - I have been following Bav for a whole now and know his story inside out. He has made a lot of effort with this woman and she consistently flakes on him then reaches out in a minor way and then flakes again.

How much more consistent do you think he can be. What actions does he need to take to show her he is serious?

Be consistence .. the Aqua guy I'm seeing has many Pisces and for some reason he seems to just get me and understand my emotion better than I do mine lol.. for e.g. The last time I tried to finally break it off with him. I messaged him saying .* I am sorry I don't deal with lost very well, and how I normally deal with it is to cut all contacts, I'm sorry I been acting strange towards you it's just hard for me to deal with it...** and his reply was ... * babe, you have not lost me, you just miss me..... and that was it, I made a decision then to stay with him.... he KNEW me!!! He understands Me.. and to me that's massive... he didn't react to my impulsiveness... he never once pull away from me no matter how much I tried to push him away time n time again... so that was it.. it made me feel safe and secure n made me realise how much he truly cared about me and how deep down I do love and want him. so I have stopped the push and pull... it was exhausting ... again, I'm not Aqua . just moon, mars, n mercury in Aqua.. though this is just dealing with women hormones in general as my Aqua calls it lol ....

Posted by saweetz1988
I'm not an Aqua , though I do share a few placements. So I hope real Aqua don't mind mlife sharing from my point of view .. im doing similar behaviour to the Aqua guy I'm seeing... I honestly think your girl is experiencing a lot of fear... the more she's scared of the feeling for you the more up n down she will b. She's very insecure about your relationship or whatever you want to call it.... my Aqua had to go through so much with me coz I was super emotional roller coaster. Ending things one day, wanting him the next it was exhausting.... I can relate to her.. so my question is, what do u truly want from her? Do u now want a relationship with her? Are you ONLY dating her? If so, let her know. Action not words.... prove to her.. show her consistency... help her feel safe and help her ground her emotion.... understand her without asking her.. once she knows you get her without her having to explain her emotion is a big bonus... !!! I have Aqua moon so I operate similar when it comes to emotion...

First of all, its not a relationship now, and it wasnt 5-6 months ago when we used to date. We barely talk now, and probably this is my fault because I dont want to be just her friend. I know Aquas like to be friends first of all, we used to be very close, but this all changed in January when I surprised her and she didnt liked it and I backed away after being rejected and since then we have not dated once. Only at the office, she asks me to come over and we chat, sometimes just casual and friendly, sometimes flirting. So, no dating with her.

And Ive been dating other women in the past months, but my mind keeps returning to her.

And what do you mean by showing her consistency? I asked her on a date a few times (3-4 times), she asked me once or twice. In the end... no date 🙂) Last time, there was a set date, day and time, she didnt show! and she told me after 2h that she is in the same lonely mood for months and doesnt feel like getting out of it... Told her to contact me when she will feel better. A week later she insists 2 days in a row to come to her office. I went and we spoke casually. Wtf?

Posted by compy
She likes you, that's why she is shying you so often. But she is not over with her past and I do not believe she will be, soon. It may take years to feel secure enough for a clean relationship. My Aquarius is also born 31/01. He does the same. He crosses so often the line between friendship and relationship that I got used to it and sometimes I have to remind him that we are only friends (at least we pretend to be only that). 🙂

Yes, that is very true, she is not over her past. She has deep issues with her ex husband, whom she divorced 6 years ago, and the guy still makes her cry and unable to function for a few days. Don't get that, especially for Aquas. But right now we are not even friends, I don't know what we are lol. We exchange some texts a few times a week. Since our last failed attempt to date (more then 2 weeks), she did all the contact AND she even insisted on seeing me at the office to catch up (!!!). Why? And more then this, what do you think I should do? Try to be friendly and talk to her about her issues (she has a lot going on in her personal life). Or leave her alone and maybe she will come to me at some point?

At this stage, her knowing you want to date her would make her back away. She is not ready for that, so by no means insist you are interested in her in a romantic way. It will scare her even more. She definitely likes you, but you should keep it very light and see each other in a casual manner, as she requests (casual talks in the office). When we really like someone, it's so deep that we cannot bear the thought of it. I hardly accepted meeting my Aqua in person (I did it after 1.5 years) and the first months of dating were hell for both of us, especially for me, that I was on the verge to run away almost every time we met. A friendly approach was much better and things have changed now, we became very close and connected, but still growing slowly, but steadily. We are both long-time committers.

Get involved only if you are REALLY serious and have the patience to synchronize with her.

Posted by BAV

Posted by saweetz1988
I'm not an Aqua , though I do share a few placements. So I hope real Aqua don't mind mlife sharing from my point of view .. im doing similar behaviour to the Aqua guy I'm seeing... I honestly think your girl is experiencing a lot of fear... the more she's scared of the feeling for you the more up n down she will b. She's very insecure about your relationship or whatever you want to call it.... my Aqua had to go through so much with me coz I was super emotional roller coaster. Ending things one day, wanting him the next it was exhausting.... I can relate to her.. so my question is, what do u truly want from her? Do u now want a relationship with her? Are you ONLY dating her? If so, let her know. Action not words.... prove to her.. show her consistency... help her feel safe and help her ground her emotion.... understand her without asking her.. once she knows you get her without her having to explain her emotion is a big bonus... !!! I have Aqua moon so I operate similar when it comes to emotion...

First of all, its not a relationship now, and it wasnt 5-6 months ago when we used to date. We barely talk now, and probably this is my fault because I dont want to be just her friend. I know Aquas like to be friends first of all, we used to be very close, but this all changed in January when I surprised her and she didnt liked it and I backed away after being rejected and since then we have not dated once. Only at the office, she asks me to come over and we chat, sometimes just casual and friendly, sometimes flirting. So, no dating with her.

And Ive been dating other women in the past months, but my mind keeps returning to her.

And what do you mean by showing her consistency? I asked her on a date a few times (3-4 times), she asked me once or twice. In the end... no date 🙂) Last time, there was a set date, day and time, she didnt show! and she told me after 2h that she is in the same lonely mood for months and doesnt feel like getting out of it... Told her to contact me when she will feel better. A week later she insists 2 days in a row to come to her office. I went and we spoke casually. Wtf?

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Exactly what do you want? You can't keep asking her on dates and dating other chicks on the side. Wheee is the security in that— make up your mind..! lol.. take a break and see if she is truly who she wants! About being friends, sorry mate but if you want to date an Aqua you need to accept that friendship and lover comes together !!!! The other day I messaged my Aqua saying if he needs me I will b there for him coz I am also a friend ... friends r very important !! I'm still friends with all of my exs . I wanna marry my best friend... as I said I operate similar, doesn't mean u r friend friends, a special friend per se...!

Posted by BAV

Posted by compy
She likes you, that's why she is shying you so often. But she is not over with her past and I do not believe she will be, soon. It may take years to feel secure enough for a clean relationship. My Aquarius is also born 31/01. He does the same. He crosses so often the line between friendship and relationship that I got used to it and sometimes I have to remind him that we are only friends (at least we pretend to be only that). 🙂

Yes, that is very true, she is not over her past. She has deep issues with her ex husband, whom she divorced 6 years ago, and the guy still makes her cry and unable to function for a few days. Don't get that, especially for Aquas. But right now we are not even friends, I don't know what we are lol. We exchange some texts a few times a week. Since our last failed attempt to date (more then 2 weeks), she did all the contact AND she even insisted on seeing me at the office to catch up (!!!). Why? And more then this, what do you think I should do? Try to be friendly and talk to her about her issues (she has a lot going on in her personal life). Or leave her alone and maybe she will come to me at some point?

click to expand

If she is not over her past . I was the same. !! My Aqua had to deal with a lot of it.. it makes the push n pull even more intense. Trust issues, fear of abandonment... i was lied to cheated on, anyway long story short, you need to reassure her even more. Be her rock when she's being all airy and watery ... if you can't be that, it is not going to work.. if you react to her push n pull, it will keep being this way and she will never settle with you.. my 2 cents.. based on experiences

Posted by Capmercury87
I am an aquarius female.

She gave you all the answers why are you asking here?

she doesnt know what she wants etc, so let her be her and be her friend, unless your black and white then you can run away from her friendship like a child that never got its way.

up to you.

Funny, these were exactly her words a few months ago: that I act childish when I don't get what I want. Yes, I will do that, be her friend, and we'll see what that brings.

Posted by Happy_Aqua
You know, sometimes someone can attract you like no one else, which is scary enough for an Aqua , because it's sooo intense, lol, but that doesn't mean that his guy is the right one for you. Way I see it, A few things have happened:

1) After your divorce you had other women. You broke up with them, but your Aqua didn't believe you, this is a big violation of trust. Even if you did break up, she just didn't trust you enough after that.

2) You gave her 2 weeks to "hibernate" and then you decided to chase her. Why? Did you think 2 weeks was not enough? Perhaps she was not ready after these two weeks, yet you barged in and pulled her out of it. Did you even ask her if she was ready?

3)You got infuriated because she left you in the middle of the street... Do you think she likes to see that side of you? If someone gets that mad at me, no matter what it was about, he would scare me away for good.

4)Finally you stopped contact for a month so you finally gave her space to breathe. And yes, after that she came around because she had finally been given enough time to think all this over.

I think she's made up her mind about being single, but the chemistry/connection between you two is confusing her, so her head and heart are fighting but she's not strong enough to cut you off somehow, probably because of the strong connection that is hard for her to deal with.

1. Correct.

2. No, I didn't gave her 2 weeks to hibernate. I started chasing a few days after her hibernation period started lol. But I wasn't too pushy, but texted her daily, but not all the time, calling her every other day, asking her out. After 2 weeks, she was almost like before the hibernation period, but then I did that surprise thing when everything went bad.

3. I was infuriated, but I didn't showed her that. I stoped talking to her, or replied to her in one-word sentences. I did not fight with her.

Yes, she is fighting on the inside. I called her yesterday and she told me she is in a better place now, as she got rid, or is finally getting rid of the past.

So, what do you think my best approach should be?

Posted by saweetz1988

Posted by MrR78
@saweetz1988 - I have been following Bav for a whole now and know his story inside out. He has made a lot of effort with this woman and she consistently flakes on him then reaches out in a minor way and then flakes again.

How much more consistent do you think he can be. What actions does he need to take to show her he is serious?

Be consistence .. the Aqua guy I'm seeing has many Pisces and for some reason he seems to just get me and understand my emotion better than I do mine lol.. for e.g. The last time I tried to finally break it off with him. I messaged him saying .* I am sorry I don't deal with lost very well, and how I normally deal with it is to cut all contacts, I'm sorry I been acting strange towards you it's just hard for me to deal with it...** and his reply was ... * babe, you have not lost me, you just miss me..... and that was it, I made a decision then to stay with him.... he KNEW me!!! He understands Me.. and to me that's massive... he didn't react to my impulsiveness... he never once pull away from me no matter how much I tried to push him away time n time again... so that was it.. it made me feel safe and secure n made me realise how much he truly cared about me and how deep down I do love and want him. so I have stopped the push and pull... it was exhausting ... again, I'm not Aqua . just moon, mars, n mercury in Aqua.. though this is just dealing with women hormones in general as my Aqua calls it lol ....

click to expand

And how long did the push and pull lasted? Just curious.. Funny: last December I told her that we've been chasing each other for 6 months. Her reply: and there will be another 6 months till we have sex again 🙂))

And we used to be like this, understanding each other without even speaking about things. Even 'psychic' at times, it was kinda scary lol.

Posted by compy
At this stage, her knowing you want to date her would make her back away. She is not ready for that, so by no means insist you are interested in her in a romantic way. It will scare her even more. She definitely likes you, but you should keep it very light and see each other in a casual manner, as she requests (casual talks in the office). When we really like someone, it's so deep that we cannot bear the thought of it. I hardly accepted meeting my Aqua in person (I did it after 1.5 years) and the first months of dating were hell for both of us, especially for me, that I was on the verge to run away almost every time we met. A friendly approach was much better and things have changed now, we became very close and connected, but still growing slowly, but steadily. We are both long-time committers.

Get involved only if you are REALLY serious and have the patience to synchronize with her.

So, you are saying that because she likes me a lot, she is scared of seeing me. This was also my optimistic version of her attitude towards dating me. Last time we tried dating (2-3 weeks ago), we agreed on a day and time (my place, which would have been a first), and she didn't show up, saying after 2h that she is not in a right mindset for this (after she agreed 2 days before!!). I told her it was supposed to be spending some quality time and nothing more. She said its not just about spending quality time with me. From that I understood that she feels like it would have been the beginning of something for her. Am I right?

So, you didn't see each other for a year and a half?? Why?? Because of the strong feelings you had for him? She RUNS away from almost every date we have agreed. Most dates we had (this was until January) were out-of-the-blue initiatives. Except at the office, were she feels safe probably.

I am really serious about her. I've dated a lot during the almost no-contact period with her in the last months, but my mind keeps returning to her... But I don't know what she is expecting of me.

Posted by Capmercury87

Posted by BAV

Posted by Capmercury87
I am an aquarius female.

She gave you all the answers why are you asking here?

she doesnt know what she wants etc, so let her be her and be her friend, unless your black and white then you can run away from her friendship like a child that never got its way.

up to you.

Funny, these were exactly her words a few months ago: that I act childish when I don't get what I want. Yes, I will do that, be her friend, and we'll see what that brings.

Her friendship doesnt bring anything but friendship you dummy

click to expand

OK... I don't want just the friendship part, obviously. So you are saying that in your opinion, she doesn't want anything more that friendship?

Don't ever expect to have a normal rship with an Aqua....they are unpredictable and can feel hemmed in with one person

Posted by Capmercury87

Posted by BAV

Posted by Capmercury87
I am an aquarius female.

She gave you all the answers why are you asking here?

she doesnt know what she wants etc, so let her be her and be her friend, unless your black and white then you can run away from her friendship like a child that never got its way.

up to you.

Funny, these were exactly her words a few months ago: that I act childish when I don't get what I want. Yes, I will do that, be her friend, and we'll see what that brings.

Her friendship doesnt bring anything but friendship you dummy

click to expand

Lol . Agreed

Posted by BAV

Posted by compy
At this stage, her knowing you want to date her would make her back away. She is not ready for that, so by no means insist you are interested in her in a romantic way. It will scare her even more. She definitely likes you, but you should keep it very light and see each other in a casual manner, as she requests (casual talks in the office). When we really like someone, it's so deep that we cannot bear the thought of it. I hardly accepted meeting my Aqua in person (I did it after 1.5 years) and the first months of dating were hell for both of us, especially for me, that I was on the verge to run away almost every time we met. A friendly approach was much better and things have changed now, we became very close and connected, but still growing slowly, but steadily. We are both long-time committers.

Get involved only if you are REALLY serious and have the patience to synchronize with her.

So, you are saying that because she likes me a lot, she is scared of seeing me. This was also my optimistic version of her attitude towards dating me. Last time we tried dating (2-3 weeks ago), we agreed on a day and time (my place, which would have been a first), and she didn't show up, saying after 2h that she is not in a right mindset for this (after she agreed 2 days before!!). I told her it was supposed to be spending some quality time and nothing more. She said its not just about spending quality time with me. From that I understood that she feels like it would have been the beginning of something for her. Am I right?

So, you didn't see each other for a year and a half?? Why?? Because of the strong feelings you had for him? She RUNS away from almost every date we have agreed. Most dates we had (this was until January) were out-of-the-blue initiatives. Except at the office, were she feels safe probably.

I am really serious about her. I've dated a lot during the almost no-contact period with her in the last months, but my mind keeps returning to her... But I don't know what she is expecting of me.

click to expand

You understood the point.

In turn: yes, I refused to meet him several times because I knew I would fall hard for him, I felt unprepared and scared that he would not like me, which for me it would have been very stressful and made me shut down again for a long period. I don't date people unless it's already serious for me. So, I stayed in the shadows, but he pursued me with discretion and I finally accepted when I felt ready to open up to him. I am a Libra. And yes, he would suddenly text me to meet with him.

It took four months of dating to be prepared to cross the threshold of the personal space (my house) and five months for his house. No man entered my house until then, except my father, so, allowing him into my personal space was a huge step forward. Now he calls it "his second home".

The dates are friendly because it's easier for us. We became best friends one for the other. The emotional support is extremely important, because he still has issues from the past, like your girl does. He feels safe and calm in my house and my presence, but he is not ready yet.

I can see he experiences a lot of anxiety he has not felt before so strong (his heart hurts when in a very big distress, even had a panic attack one night). I know I am to blame because the contradictory feelings torment him and he admitted I am the cause but he doesn't feel this in my presence, but when he is away and thinking about it. So, no rush.

Strange story, huh?

Posted by Happy_Aqua

Posted by BAV

Posted by Happy_Aqua
You know, sometimes someone can attract you like no one else, which is scary enough for an Aqua , because it's sooo intense, lol, but that doesn't mean that his guy is the right one for you. Way I see it, A few things have happened:

1) After your divorce you had other women. You broke up with them, but your Aqua didn't believe you, this is a big violation of trust. Even if you did break up, she just didn't trust you enough after that.

2) You gave her 2 weeks to "hibernate" and then you decided to chase her. Why? Did you think 2 weeks was not enough? Perhaps she was not ready after these two weeks, yet you barged in and pulled her out of it. Did you even ask her if she was ready?

3)You got infuriated because she left you in the middle of the street... Do you think she likes to see that side of you? If someone gets that mad at me, no matter what it was about, he would scare me away for good.

4)Finally you stopped contact for a month so you finally gave her space to breathe. And yes, after that she came around because she had finally been given enough time to think all this over.

I think she's made up her mind about being single, but the chemistry/connection between you two is confusing her, so her head and heart are fighting but she's not strong enough to cut you off somehow, probably because of the strong connection that is hard for her to deal with.

1. Correct.

2. No, I didn't gave her 2 weeks to hibernate. I started chasing a few days after her hibernation period started lol. But I wasn't too pushy, but texted her daily, but not all the time, calling her every other day, asking her out. After 2 weeks, she was almost like before the hibernation period, but then I did that surprise thing when everything went bad.

3. I was infuriated, but I didn't showed her that. I stoped talking to her, or replied to her in one-word sentences. I did not fight with her.

Yes, she is fighting on the inside. I called her yesterday and she told me she is in a better place now, as she got rid, or is finally getting rid of the past.

So, what do you think my best approach should be?

Why don't you two get some coffee in a nice quiet place and have a good talk about all this? For starters? If you are having trouble leaving her alone when she needs alone time, ask yourself if that is what you want? You seem like someone who really needs that cloesness and togetherness, but she may not need it in the same amount. It's positive she told you she is getting rid of the past now. It can take a long time for us Aquas to do so. I would stick to friendship for now. Hope you can handle that, lol

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First of all, I asked her out for dinner a few times, said yes at first, then she changed her mind. Last time, she didn't even bothered to let me know that she won't come... I don't have a problem leaving her alone!! I wanted to leave her alone, I wanted to forget about her and get on with my life but 1. she keeps texting me pretexts to chat (every few days) 2. I can't seem to let her go also... And yes, I am a person who likes to be very close to my SO, and I know she is like that also, she showed me this when we were dating last year.

I will stick to friendship, yes, I will not push her whatsoever. Last two days we talked quite a lot, for the first time after 3-4 months there was a meaningful casual conversation for more than 10 min. Probably she is a bit puzzled about this.

Posted by compy

Posted by BAV

Posted by compy
At this stage, her knowing you want to date her would make her back away. She is not ready for that, so by no means insist you are interested in her in a romantic way. It will scare her even more. She definitely likes you, but you should keep it very light and see each other in a casual manner, as she requests (casual talks in the office). When we really like someone, it's so deep that we cannot bear the thought of it. I hardly accepted meeting my Aqua in person (I did it after 1.5 years) and the first months of dating were hell for both of us, especially for me, that I was on the verge to run away almost every time we met. A friendly approach was much better and things have changed now, we became very close and connected, but still growing slowly, but steadily. We are both long-time committers.

Get involved only if you are REALLY serious and have the patience to synchronize with her.

So, you are saying that because she likes me a lot, she is scared of seeing me. This was also my optimistic version of her attitude towards dating me. Last time we tried dating (2-3 weeks ago), we agreed on a day and time (my place, which would have been a first), and she didn't show up, saying after 2h that she is not in a right mindset for this (after she agreed 2 days before!!). I told her it was supposed to be spending some quality time and nothing more. She said its not just about spending quality time with me. From that I understood that she feels like it would have been the beginning of something for her. Am I right?

So, you didn't see each other for a year and a half?? Why?? Because of the strong feelings you had for him? She RUNS away from almost every date we have agreed. Most dates we had (this was until January) were out-of-the-blue initiatives. Except at the office, were she feels safe probably.

I am really serious about her. I've dated a lot during the almost no-contact period with her in the last months, but my mind keeps returning to her... But I don't know what she is expecting of me.

You understood the point.

In turn: yes, I refused to meet him several times because I knew I would fall hard for him, I felt unprepared and scared that he would not like me, which for me it would have been very stressful and made me shut down again for a long period. I don't date people unless it's already serious for me. So, I stayed in the shadows, but he pursued me with discretion and I finally accepted when I felt ready to open up to him. I am a Libra. And yes, he would suddenly text me to meet with him.

It took four months of dating to be prepared to cross the threshold of the personal space (my house) and five months for his house. No man entered my house until then, except my father, so, allowing him into my personal space was a huge step forward. Now he calls it "his second home".

The dates are friendly because it's easier for us. We became best friends one for the other. The emotional support is extremely important, because he still has issues from the past, like your girl does. He feels safe and calm in my house and my presence, but he is not ready yet.

I can see he experiences a lot of anxiety he has not felt before so strong (his heart hurts when in a very big distress, even had a panic attack one night). I know I am to blame because the contradictory feelings torment him and he admitted I am the cause but he doesn't feel this in my presence, but when he is away and thinking about it. So, no rush.

Strange story, huh?

click to expand

'So, I stayed in the shadows, but he pursued me with discretion' - what do you mean pursued you with discretion?

'he would suddenly text me to meet with him.' - and did you meet him?

'No man entered my house until then, except my father, so, allowing him into my personal space was a huge step forward.' - sounds just like her! 5 months ago we slept together - just sleeping. And she told me I was the first guy that ever slept with her in the same bed for the whole night, after her divorce 5 years ago. That was around the time I felt her REALLY in love with me. And since then things went downward.

So, how long actually it took for you guys to be together. Im not in a hurry, I just want to date her outside the office, but she keeps refusing me and thats kinda frustrating. Aquas have a very different time perspective. And yes, she has told me many times this too: she runs away from me, she doesn't want to see me because she would fall hard for me and that would unbalance her. At the same time she doesn't seem to let me go either! for the last 3-4 months she did 90% of contacting. Very confusing! So, whats the next step? Leave her to decide what she wants, or slowly be her friend again?

We are not together! We may never be! There is no way you can force an Aqua to be! Just to draw him/her hopelessly towards you!

Again Aqua and her puzzling behaviour. Bad thing is that she is doing it again, good thing Im getting used to her MO.

After my last post here, things started to get momentum between me and the Aqua, about a month ago. She started it. To put it in a big picture, we were texting every few days, mostly her, nothing much. I tried a few times asking her out, asking to see her at the office (we work together, but not in same space). And a day after she tells me she is in no mood for conversation (at the office), she texts me that she misses me. First time in a lot of months. So I waited for her to do something about it. She did, but just at the office. She wanted to see me, she seems literally almost in love with me being there, couldn't take her eyes of me etc etc. Said she wants to help me with things, wants to do stuff together etc.

This 'thing' went on for a couple of more weeks, texting daily, flirting a bit, seeing each other more then before, but just at the office. I did not asked her for meeting outside, because she refused me countless times in the past... and the rejection monster is with me. A week ago, she was at a resort with her daughter (the little one knows me, loves me .. more than her mom anyway). I told her that coincidentally I will be there for a day or 2. And she said that we should go and have lunch. I was like... wha.. this will not happen.. she has a habit for not sticking to her own plans.

But this time, we actually met for a 2h lunch. And not only she was with her daughter, who I haven't seen in 6 months, and who was all over me, hugging and kissing me, but also with her mother. OK, so now I get to see your family. What does that supposed to mean? I know I wouldn't introduce someone I don't like very much to my family. Aqua told me last year that her mother knows about me, not sure exactly what she knows about me. And now she introduced me to her mom with just my name. She showed me a fb post (not hers) which said something like: when someone hasn't been in a rs for a long time (like her) it will take a much longer time then usual to commit again. It seems like her saying to me: you have to wait. lol. Lunch was 'very normal and natural' as the Aqua said afterwords. The next day, I was still in the the next town, told the Aqua to call me if she will come, she texted me first that she will come, then that she won't.. ok, whatever.

And after that weekend... she is almost gone, vanished. Only texts me if I text her first and nothing much. It seems like we have gone back to 2 months ago. She keeps telling me she is busy at work and with her kid. But of course this is not a reason for not saying anything. We haven't talked in 3 days at all. I won't text her or call her, because I did all that before.

Aquas backing away after intense encounter? Is that it? Or wtf?