Hello, I am a male sun Scorpio, moon Aries. Up until a couple weeks ago when she broke up with me over text, me and my Aquarius girlfriend had been happily dating for nearly two years with very few problems. I would appreciate some advice.
Okay, some background info. We are each others first serious relationship. The first several months of it, I was jealous and obsessive of time she'd spend with other guys. This drove her away and she broke up with me then. But she decided a few days later that I am worth being with in spite of my crap. So we got back together and I seriously changed my outlook and stopped being as jealous (can't ever completely stop of course). We had many good times after that, made a lot of good memories. And then a few months ago, I lost my job and started working at one where I was underpaid and underworked. At this point in time, I was starting to go through some of my usual depression and kind of started taking her for granted. I would sit around complaining all day and I wouldn't do anything to fix my situation. I could tell it was having an effect on her so I started trying to be more cheerful but by this time, she was regularly snapchatting this guy from her job. I chalked it up to me just being jealous like I used to be, but I was concerned about her always talking to this guy.
Well, like I said, she broke up with me a couple weeks ago. Her reason was that her feelings for me had faded. It hurt but considering that we had gone through something similar already, I didn't take it too seriously. I started trying to make my situation better finally, I started working out and jogging and looking for a new job. I let her have her time and space for a few days, and then I continued texting and talking to her. She made a comment that my cat was cute and I gave her an offhand response that she is cuter and she pretty much said that we shouldn't talk like that anymore if we want to get over each other. I started freaking on the inside. I sent her a long textwall about how we had so many good memories together and that I think she is making a mistake. I told her that I'm not going to beg for her to stay with me, but that I want her to seriously think about all this before throwing it away. Probably not the best way of doing this. She pretty much said that she can't pretend that there is something there when it is not. It was confusing though because through it all she kept on telling me that she loved me and cared for me and needed a while to be alone. I really didn't like this, but I didn't want to make my situation worse, so I stopped texting her for a few more days. I got to thinking about all of my problems and why she could have broken up with me.
After a few days, I texted her again, this time apologizing for dumping my emotional load on her. I told her that I was wrong and she didn't make the mistake, I made the mistake when I stopped trying. I told her that I was wrong, she wasn't throwing it away. We had two good years and they would never be a waste. I told her that I was improving myself and that I would like her to be here with me to see it. And then I told her that I would fight for her so why I am no longer worth fighting for. She told me that she wasn't mad at me and that I was worth fighting for but she no longer has the same feelings. I kind of got myself friend zoned and we texted back and forth for a few more days. And then the night before last, I was texting her, and she started saying some sexually provocative things towards me. This, of course, got my heart racing, I thought that I had a chance again. Come to find out, it was some guy she was hanging out with that got a hold of her phone. After I found that out, he proceeded to tell me that he had had sex with her. And then he gave the phone to her. Now of course, I was angry, I was livid. I called the phone, and I asked her for an explanation. She was acting all apathetic and denied that she had sex with him. I didn't believe a word of it. I pressed her about it. After a while of getting nowhere through a phone conversation, I hung up and texted her. After a good half hour of texting, she finally told me that she had been cheating on me with this guy and that the reason her feelings had been fading is that she found feelings for him.
Now of course, I am an impulsive angry mess. I should have stopped talking to her then and taken a breather. I didn't. I didn't outright call her any names or anything, but I was rather mean to her and her new boyfriend. I was stupid and guilt tripped her for a good half hour. I finally put the phone down after that and unfriended her on facebook and haven't talked to her at all since. I do realize the mistakes that I made, and I am intending on apologizing for taking it further than it should have gone. But I'm going to wait a few more days until we are both cooled down.
Some background info on the new boyfriend. He is a lazy twenty something guy that is her supervisor at her job (I was going to call her job and let them know that a supervisor was having a relationship with his subordinate which is contrary to their protocol and could get them fired, not going to do that now though). He is a guy who does nothing but drink, play video games, and chase tail. I rarely played video games around her in our relationship because she'd get mad at being ignored, get up, and leave. I think that their days together are numbered.
Now, I know that I should probably let this be, just let her go, but I can't do that just yet, not without trying. I have a bad habit of being unable to give up and I'd feel guilty if I didn't try. She cheated on me which has massively broken my trust but I still love her, and I am pretty sure she still has feelings for me because before breaking up, we had been talking about moving in together and having a life in the future, so it was really serious. I'm going to let her have some space for a while and improve myself. In the meantime, I'd like to know, should I give her another shot? She was willing to forego my problems and resolved to be with me even though I was being paranoid and obsessive, doesn't she deserve the same? And if she does break up with this guy, how would I go about reattracting her? I don't want the relationship we had before, things wouldn't be the same after what we have just gone through. I don't quite trust her anymore but I do have very strong feelings for her so I'd be willing to work through my trust issues for her. I would love some opinions and advice
I know it's hard, but try to control yourself. You are scary!
Harassing her and treatening her career too, it's not going to make her love you, isn't it? In fact, you are lucky that Aquas are so chilled out. Do this to a Pisces, you'll get blocked, threatened with police and avoided like pest, for years to come.
Put yourself into her shoes. Imagine you were in a budding relationship, but your ex just doesn't want to go away, like he owns you! It is both disrespectful and frightening. Not the two features one would like to see in a lover, for sure!
Continue so, and I guarantee you that there will be no "good memory" left for her. The past will be overshadowed by your present crazed behaviour.
As far as guys like me being scary, the only thing that is really scary about us is that, while it is hard for us to truly care about somebody, once we do, we fall hard. Some of us (like me) become fanatical. It is because we are extremely emotional.
Thanks again everybody for the advice. You all have some very valid things to say. I do need to let her go just as she has let me go. If it was so easy for her to cheat on me, the feelings must not have been real for a while.
47 year old Pisces women Aquarius moon, Cancer rising Aries Venus Sagittarius M
female from Chatham, Kent, Uk
You just said it right there hun, you know your worth more than what's happened between you, she didn't obviously feel the same as you. If someone who knew I loved them and involved themselves with the thoughtless nasty trick with the flirty texts, I would feel really humiliated and hurt by that, to me it shows she has no respect for you whatsoever, treat her the same and try to move on sweetie, you'll have lots of loves in the years to come, so even though it seems hard, when you find someone who is emotionally mature, you'll feel more comfortable and wonder what you ever saw in her?
I was kidding really. The polar opposite peeps we do love hard and become crazy about the one who we thought was the one. We all need that devotion, dedication, loyalty, respect, etc. If it's been a year and things are sketchy it would be good to detach too and see just what can you do to change and sometimes you can't change the background of their other lives. It is a lesson once again.
I am paraphrasing but yes, she did admit to me that she was cheating a couple of times in the argument we had a couple days ago. She has always been somewhat flirty with other people but I just chalked it up to my jealous tendencies and tried to think nothing of it. Anyway, thank everybody for advice and support. I am doing a little bit better now that I have accepted how things are
Also, I don't know whether or not you are making fun of me when you say troll, but I'm not trolling. I have been through a lot in my life. It hasn't been a very easy road for me. I do have trust issues, and I am always willing to work through them because I see them as an obstacle I need to overcome, not a boundary that I should just sit and stare at. I have been through too much to let anything limit me.
Again, everybody who has said kind things to me and given me advice, it is very much appreciated, sincerely.