How to gain my power back from this Aqua man?

Hello aquas! I am new here, and really need advise on an aqua man.

I'm in love with him, unfortunately, and he knows it but I no longer want to be. Why? Because he's a selfish arrogant man, or should I say boy?

We dated on and off for a few years. He used to be very much in love with me, he was super keen at the beginning and was very open with me (rare for an aqua, I know). He was wonderful with me, very caring, spoilt me... and I was the happiest I had ever been and he always said how rare and special our relationship was and he didn't want to lose me.

Then he started to pull away, and became closed. He said he felt like he was losing himself in love, that I was a drug and he was addicted to me. Then he felt like he was losing his freedom, and he changed completely. He was no longer the man I fell in love with. It was basically a push and pull game on both parts for a while. Until emotionally I couldn't handle it anymore. One moment he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me, and the next he was disappearing saying he couldn't be in a relationship and pushing me away by being so hurtful. Flirting with other women, ignoring me.... I stopped playing games and became desperate for his love and affections again, how he used to be in the beginning. But he continued being selfish and immature so eventually I walked away.

We cut contact for a long time, but then he reappeared. We started seeing eachother again and he was being the wonderful, open, loving person he was at the beginning. Telling me he realised the mistakes he made with me, and that he always thought about me.

I thought he had grown out of the selfish immature game playing of the past, and was delighted. I thought he had finally grown up and I had forgotten all of the horrible things from the past.
But then all of a sudden he became cold again out of nowhere!
I asked him what was up, and told him I liked him again and wanted to see where this goes and asked if he liked me too. And he said he does but he can't be in a relationship right now.

OK fine, I can accept that, but if we have so much history together why be so wonderful and loving again and then play with my emotions again? I got very upset with him, and he acted like he didn't care at all. One moment he was bringing up the good times, being so loving, showing me all the signs that he was in love with me again and the next he was being a total ass!

Then he turned round and said it was all in my

Then he turned round and said it was all in my head, that I read too much into his actions, and then he said he doesn't have feelings that it was only attraction! And accused me of messing up our new found friendship and that I ruined everything and its all my fault?!

What? He was the one that reached out to me, told me how he wanted to see me again, was loving and affectionate, bringing up the good times, etc.... I know I didn't read too much into it. He was being the person he was when he was in love with me at the beginning of our relationship.

I know I'm not crazy, and I don't understand why he's trying to make me feel like I am. But I believed him, at the time I felt like I ruined things by telling him I liked him again. (even though I said this after he turned cold out of nowhere) Stupidly I apologised to him, told him it was my fault and said that I understand why he doesn't want to talk to me and that I'll leave him alone.

Now some time has passed, and I've realised that I did nothing wrong. He was selfish and immature, didn't have any compassion for my feelings... acted without thinking how it would affect me. Made me believe he loved me again and then took it all away.

I really wish I could send him an email, telling him how hurt I am after all of our history that he cannot treat me with respect. and that I don't know how he could put it all on me, when I did nothing wrong, he was the one to suddenly flip from being amazing to completely horrible.

I know the best thing is to not worry about what he thinks, and to just walk away and to never speak again. But I want to show him I respect myself, that I will not put up with this behaviour. His last thought of me was that I was super nice to him, apologising thinking it was my fault and he could treat me how he wants and I will put up with it. And I don't want him to think of me as being pathetic.

What can I do or say for him to not think these things of me? And that I realise now how selfish and immature he is? Why does he not respect me when once upon a time I was the love of his life (I dont' even know if he still loves me, but his actions before he suddenly turned cold showed he did still love me)

He is selfish doesn't sound like you need advice especially since you mentioned his selfishness multiple times

Posted by Blackvirgo
He is selfish doesn't sound like you need advice especially since you mentioned his selfishness multiple times

Yes that is what I believe, but I know there is also another side of him that is so wonderful... which is what I love about him, and what confuses me so much. Because of his wonderful side and because of our good times, I will always care about him. I will always feel connected to him in some way because the love we had was so strong.

But either way, I know we cannot be together. But what I want is for him to not think of me being pathetic and that he can treat me how he wants. I want him to know how much he hurt me and that his behaviour is not acceptable. I was hoping aquas could help me to get insight how to get through to him.

I'm no Aqua, just speaking from experience..

He never loved you in the first place. That's none of your fault, he simply can't. Aquas do not experience emotions like that, they only experience positive moods when they are in a relationship and others mistake those for actual emotions. Aquas don't relate, don't connect.

When he says he is losing himself in love, he means that you are overloading his positive moods and he wants none of that because he can't handle it.

You can't make him realize how horrible it is what he had done, because he knows nothing about those kinds of emotions.
He thinks that these are just some weird made-up mental concepts, in your head. And it was your "fault" for messing up your friendship, where you both started to get into positive moods of acceptable levels again.

Trying to make him understand will only bring out more contempt because he is convinced that you are crazy.

aqua men hate being ignored

He doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. If you want to show him you have respect for yourself the best way to do it is MOVE ON! Cut it all off. Trying to convince him or change his mind will not do it. When someone is trying to convince your something thing they are do you believe it. I don't because action speaks louder than words. Use your action and move on and cut him out completely. You may have had good times but from what you say he sounds emotionally abusive. And if you stay in that or try to convince him otherwise of what he already believe, guess what, you don't respect yourself and neither will he.

The best thing to do is move on.

If you try to email him to convince him something you don't need to convince or explain to him then it will make you look desperate. And desperate people don't respect themselves. MOVE ON!

lol @ this thread

Posted by v40569
I'm no Aqua, just speaking from experience..

Aquas do not experience emotions like that, they only experience positive moods when they are in a relationship and others mistake those for actual emotions. Aquas don't relate, don't connect.

LOL What a bunch of horseshit! All humans have emotions, Aquas ARE humans, so yes we DO feel, we DO connect & relate. But thank you, I needed a giggle this morning.
😆

Posted by xtina
If you try to email him to convince him something you don't need to convince or explain to him then it will make you look desperate. And desperate people don't respect themselves. MOVE ON!

This.

Move on, you will make yourself look worse by sending the email. By trying to prove it was all him and not you, just validates his opinion (not that it may be the right one but for him it is). Hope that makes sense.

Suggestion, write a letter but DON'T send it. Burn it, put it away to look at in a few years then you can laugh at it all.

Posted by justagirl


LOL What a bunch of horseshit! All humans have emotions, Aquas ARE humans, so yes we DO feel, we DO connect & relate. But thank you, I needed a giggle this morning.
😆

Wow you don't know much about humans do you. 🙂

^^are you seriously implying humans don't have emotions and don't connect/relate. Psychopaths aside, since the are psychos and well, not touching that.

My bad I typed all humans.... didn't think I needed to clarifying it that much but apparently I did 🙂

Again Aquas do connect and relate to people... it just maybe not be on the level the other person is demanding or expecting, in that case, that has nothing to do with the Aqua person. Which is usually the underling issue when people come to DXP and make these types of threads.

But according to you, we are just robots like the Virgos are (which I find utter horseshit)... cheers!

Simple. He never took your power away, you are giving it to him.

Posted by v40569
I'm no Aqua, just speaking from experience..

He never loved you in the first place. That's none of your fault, he simply can't. Aquas do not experience emotions like that, they only experience positive moods when they are in a relationship and others mistake those for actual emotions. Aquas don't relate, don't connect.

snipped bullshit.

Your stupidity is overwhelming.