CONFUSING aries man!! help!

so i met this aries man back in late september. he asked for my number and started off very, Very interested. he was also pretty agressive (mostly sexually) talking about things he wanted to do to me, ect. this made me really uncomfortable so a few weeks into knowing each other when he said he wanted to get me drunk and take advantage of me i told him to delete my number and leave me alone. a few hours later i realized i was being a little dramatic so i apologized and he hasn't been the same since. we still talk but we used to text everyday. now i just hear from him maybe once a week. we slept together after a month of knowing each other (i don't know if thats too soon) but i think that caused some problems as well. i just don't understand how he started off so interested and he would say stuff like i want to be with you, you're the girl i want.. and now he'll just text me once a week and ask me to come over (most likely b/c he wants to have sex). we've only had sex four times since we've met. we don't really hang out besides that, just casual txts here and there. so my question is.. what is his deal? i'm not an idiot, i know he probably doesn't like me anymore either b/c i upset him when i told him to delete my number or b/c i slept with him too soon and he lost interest in me. but he still talks to me so that throws me off.. i thought aries were all or nothing type of people. so what am i? is he possibly just being cautious b/c i hurt him in the beginning? and is there any way i can reverse things to make them better and back to how they were? i like him and i feel like i messed it up so i feel like i should fix it. any advice or input is greatly appreciated! thanks!!

Hey Saggie1123!

I can understand your confusion with Mr. Aries..... I personally am not very good at sugar coating things....I flunked that coarse BIG TIME! I'm best at being a straight shooter....sayin' it like I see it. Sooooooo here goes.

Mr. Aries gave you plenty of clues as to who he is and what he wanted......"talking about things he wanted to do to me, ect." "he said he wanted to get me drunk and take advantage of me".........Your first instinct was to respond the way you did (you were by no means being dramatic - you most likely put him in his place and let him know where you stood) and good for YOU! Deep within, you knew all he wanted was to be physical with you....he was NOT interested in developing a long term relationship with you. Men who are interested in a woman and desiring a long term relationship do NOT bring up anything to do with sex......until a relationship has formed.

"so my question is.. what is his deal?" his deal is ..... he only wants to have sex with you.

"so what am i? is he possibly just being cautious b/c i hurt him in the beginning?" you are a woman who is at this point giving yourself to a man who is not making any time for you.....he is not going out of his way to make plans with you...to see outside of a sexual encounter. NO, he is NOT being cautious because you hurt him in the beginning.......you did NOT hurt him Missy! You expressed who you were and then changed your mind to please him. He is distant with you because he is not at this time interested in pursuing a long term relationship with you.

"and is there any way i can reverse things to make them better and back to how they were?" I cannot say for sure......but, I don't think one can usually reverse things and go back to the way they were. He has had a taste of the goods.....I will be honest here.....his actions are saying he simply at this time is not interested...by what you have shared, I'm not seeing taking any initiative to form a relationship. - just my opinion.

i would suggest that you chalk this one up for a great learning experience. pay attention to your choices, see what the outcome is when you make certain choices....if you are not happy with the choices you have made ...make different choices. Relationships are great gifts to us...they teach us so much about who we are....what we like, and what we don't like. This is how we grow.

I hope that in someway I have be

Wishing you the best Saggie.....

con't from above...... I hope that I was in someway able to help you. I know these situations can be very difficult and confusing....been there, done that.....threw away my T-shirt though! LOL!!!!

I Would ignore him for a couple weeks, Than when he calls be all "Hey i missed you! Wanna hang out?" Dont act needy or whiney. Act like you CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM!!

thanks you guys are awesome!!

i'm totally confused. i read this yesterday but i don't get it.

you said you told him to delete your number because he was being vulgar but was that before or after you had sex? i got the impression that you were turned off by him being so forward but you said you guys did the do. so...at what point did you tell him to go away? before or after the 4 times you guys had sex?

i told him to delete my number then we got through it then we slept together a couple weeks later. i can see how he maybe lost respect for me but at the same time he was very sexually aggressive from the start and it made me comfortable. i know most aries men come off very strong in the beginning but it was too much for me. now he tries to make me feel bad and he calls me immature and says he can't date me b/c he thinks i'll tell him to delete my number again. and today he was dirty texting me all day today and said how important sex is to him. and when we get closer sexually it will eventually lead to a relationship. is this typical of aries men? i know they are very sex driven but can i trust him? or is he just trying to get sex out of me? i have a feeling i'm wasting my time...

go with your gut. woman's intuition is right more often than not.

it made me uncomfortable, i mean. thanks tubbyscubby🙂
i feel i'm being dramatic and i want to believe him but at the same time i'm just not comfortable with too much sexual stuff.

i hear u but look at it this way. if you were walking late at night and you saw some strange man on the corner, if you're a kid and a man you don't know offers you candy, if someone asks you for a dollar but is standing a lil too close, you may get that feeling that tells you something is wrong and you react accordingly. you don't proceed as if the feeling wasn't there. you may not go running and screaming yelling "PO-LEEEEEEEESE" but i doubt if you continue to walk toward scary dude, accept weird man's candy or go in your purse/wallet.

you gut is telling you that something isn't right. it isn't it. now it might be a matter of personality or it could be that he's too focused on your goodies.

thanks love_365. i like getting an aries perspective b/c he is such an aries!! we were texting all last night and he said he wants to get to know me slowly and continue having sex. he said a relationship will build through having sex. this is just so backwards for me, but i think i believe that is just who he is and if i like him maybe i just have to go with it and hope for the best. i just don't want to be used in the end, but i know aries are very upfront and i don't think he would play me around if he wasn't interested. right??

AMETHYST2002,

How can this man disgust you? Saggie, put her self in this situation. He is a pig because he doesn't want what she wants. That's a joke. He is being honest about what he wants. I guess he should have just told her what she wants to hear...then she would be happy.

Posted by Red_Diamond
AMETHYST2002,

How can this man disgust you? Saggie, put her self in this situation. He is a pig because he doesn't want what she wants. That's a joke. He is being honest about what he wants. I guess he should have just told her what she wants to hear...then she would be happy.

agreed. when people show you who they really are, believe them (paraphrasing m. angelou).

men who just want sex are only wrong when they portray their desires as something more than that. if he treats it like a booty call, if it seems like a booty call, it is a booty call.

i'm not saying that's the case in this scenario but women need to listen to their intuition more. it's right more often than it isn't. take the safe bet and listen to your gut.

THIS SITUATION IS SIMPLE. If she don't like what he is dishing then move away from the plate. Wait, who is posting on the Aries board about how to get him back. Ha! She isn't five years old. Like I wrote before??_this is a joke.

If he is a typical male, then she is a typical female.

thanks guys. i really appreciate all the advice. it feels really good to talk about it because it's on my mind a lot. you guys have made me realize that he is using me for ass and most likely a relationship is never going to form. i guess i was slightly hoping he had feelings for me but all he does is send me dirty texts and now i'm just getting really turned off at this point. he likes to tell me i'm playing games and being immature when i tell him i don't want to just be sleeping with him. i do deserve better, i know. i guess a part of me is just curious to see if he is serious about the relationship bit or if he's really full of shit. he has been so upfront with me up til now so i find it hard not believing him. am i being dumb?? i don't want to make a huge mistake by sleeping with him to get closer to him (which he is saying will happen and will lead to a relationship) or should i just walk (or run!!) away from this situation ASAP?

Walk away run asap...he's full of shit, if he can have sex with you and then a relationship then he can have a relationship with you and have sex with you NOW today not tomorrow or next year, one shouldn't lead into the other, sex and relationships are exclusively separate but don't have to be unless one person wants it that way, he's a user, I know you want to cling onto the good part, most women do that but it's not in your best interest to cling to his words, his actions says user possibly with a sex some sort of sex fetish/addiction. I would dump the assclown and find someone that respects you for you not for what you do in the bedroom.

I'm not saying he's wrong for wanting sex, I applaud him for his forthright honesty but then you have to ask yourself how does that make you feel, does his actions make you feel good about yourself and if you don't feel good about yourself around a man then why stay, why play russian roulette with with your self esteem and self confidence which can only lead you into making poor decisions and enabling poor behavior from men like him, reality becomes completely distorted and you begin to doubt yourself and get stuck in a head fuck game with men like him...

Although he's been open with you in the past and he's being open with you about what he wants you don't have to accept it and swallow it and do it his way and allow it to be your reality. His request is sex with no strings attached which may or may not lead into a relationship, how foolish would you feel when he dumped you after using you for sex for a year or longer...IMO if he can give you a relationship later well what's wrong with giving you one NOW. Why would you want a man to pull your strings like your some kind of object or puppet on the hopes of a real relationship do you really understand how desperate you seem taking his terms.

Although I feel you should walk away, at the end of the day you have to decide your own worth. it's really up to you...

Great advice Ameth and I just want to add that he's giving you attention and validation but is that really the kind of attention and validation you need from a man, you can't feel good about yourself as he continues to sexualize and objectify you but then turn around making it okay to do what he's doing by dangling a relationship in your face.

I don't like calling people dumb but if you date this guy you definitely are making a very dumb decision and the price will be your self esteem and self respect. Many women struggle inside over these kind of situations, If you want to date him then date him but don't expect that much from this jerk.

you're going through withdrawal. it's normal. best thing you could do right now is become as active as possible. i call it a dick detox.

- hang out with friends.

- go to the gym

- read a book

- read another book

- treat yourself to a movie

- go for a walk

- buy a dog (cats are vermin) or some other acceptable pet

- do a project around the house

- drive around your city for 30 min for no particular reason

- if a guy approaches you for a dinner date, say yes...don't sleep with him! it's just dinner.

- ...

get the idea? you just need to keep active. eventually, it'll be easier to think clearly and make a decision that's right for you.

Posted by amethyst2002

Posted by tiki33
Great advice Ameth and I just want to add that he's giving you attention and validation but is that really the kind of attention and validation you need from a man, you can't feel good about yourself as he continues to sexualize and objectify you but then turn around making it okay to do what he's doing by dangling a relationship in your face.

I don't like calling people dumb but if you date this guy you definitely are making a very dumb decision and the price will be your self esteem and self respect. Many women struggle inside over these kind of situations, If you want to date him then date him but don't expect that much from this jerk.

To an extent, I blame this conditioning on society. Women constantly have social expectations and media influences telling them that they aren't good enough, and generally women's self esteem can be pretty crappy no thanks to these sources. So what do they do? Cling to whatever attention they can get from guys when they give it to them, and then confuse it with good attention when it's really bad. Then when they're burned, their esteem goes further down the tubes, and it just feeds the vicious cycle.

Overall, we're all gonna have our moments. Everyone's human, and our damned emotions get in the way of rationality. However, I think some women need to start asking themselves questions in situations like this, and listening to their instinct. "If I do this, how will it make me feel? He's doing this and it makes me feel ______. Do I like this/does this make me feel comfortable? If I do this, would this make me look pathetic/crazy/desperate/_______? If I saw a friend being treated like _______, would I tell them to walk away, too?"

click to expand

LMAO@dick detox....I like that analogy

Ameth you are spot on, I could not have summarized it better.

I know your struggle, struggle between really liking a man and doing what's best for yourself when the hard stuff shows up and it can be very confusing if you haven't been taught how to be your own best friend and do what's in your own best interest first, many women are not taught to make themselves a priority, we are taught to be second many of us....Just think about putting yourself first coupled with tubby's detox program and you will know what to do.

Posted by amethyst2002
I like the term, "dick detox," as well. Can we also add in a vibrator in there, somewhere on that list? Women have needs too, you know. :p The only drama batteries bring is running out of them.

LOL!! Cracking me up d:

"CONFUSING aries man!! help!"

Saggie......PLEASE pay attention to what you wrote as your topic. This says it all.

If a man likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll feel confused.


No getting around this....no justifying.....this is it. Pay attention to yourself, you already knew the answer. Learn to trust and Love yourself - YOU are worth it sweetie!

LMAO! I could never get into those. The noise is distracting and it only makes me angry. I need the real thing otherwise I'd rather use my God given talents 😉

lol

i know you guys are right, i'm not questioning that. it's just confusing when you like someone and you want to believe they like you. like why would he say i like you and i want to get to know you and connect with you slowly and gradually. and then he says stuff like i just want to kiss you right now, and i miss you, and all those things. i know it's easy to say things and actions speak louder than words.. i'm just saying it throws me off.
it sucks. i'm going to accept that he just wants ass and move away from the situation. this isn't right for me. thanks for your help everyone. big hugs!!

my best male friend told me something when i went through of series of "why would he..."'s

maybe

he's

telling

you

what

you

want

to

hear

Posted by saggie1123
i know you guys are right, i'm not questioning that. it's just confusing when you like someone and you want to believe they like you. like why would he say i like you and i want to get to know you and connect with you slowly and gradually. and then he says stuff like i just want to kiss you right now, and i miss you, and all those things. i know it's easy to say things and actions speak louder than words.. i'm just saying it throws me off.
it sucks. i'm going to accept that he just wants ass and move away from the situation. this isn't right for me. thanks for your help everyone. big hugs!!

I see your point and yeah it can be confusing as well. Mixed messages should not be a part of a real relationship, if your confused it means he's not being clear with you and this won't be a good relationship for you. He's pretty much trying to have his cake and eat it too but he can't do that without confusing you and feeding you hope about a future with him. His desire and lust for you doesn't mean he will commit.

He's in lust and he wants to release it all over you with the option to buy later. Maybe you need to get clear about your boundaries and clear about what you want and don't want from a man, if part of what you don't want is mixed messages then leave the dude alone....put him in the friend zone and maybe give another guy a try that's more openly available, a guy that make sure his intentions are clear with less confusion and treats you with respect.

Honestly if you break it all apart he says he likes you, miss you and want to have sex with you, I wouldn't say this is a lie, it's part but that truth comes with strings attached, well that's questionable, that's not something I would accept, if you can't negotiate this issue with him then for me it's a deal breaker...the question is...Is it a deal breaker for you? If it's not then date him but if it is then walk away.

Were is your voice in all this? It's not all about him ya know...

It's okay for him to have his ideas and terms but you should have the ability to negotiate your own terms and ideas so you both get what you want.

Posted by CancerianGoddess
I Would ignore him for a couple weeks, Than when he calls be all "Hey i missed you! Wanna hang out?" Dont act needy or whiney. Act like you CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM!!

To an Aries male,what you just said right there is clingy,needy & desperate & and whiney isn't far behind,lol....
you told her to act like she can live without him,lol.... yet give herself a way so quick at the same time. Let an aries man ask for the date if he calls you!!!

The oldest trick in the book to get a woman in bed is to tell her what she wants to hear. Never fall for this! If you want a relationship, develop it slowly. If he truly likes you, he'll be fine with waiting. My brother is an Aries and he would tell me what he did to get women. He had a 'harem' (throws up). Guys will test women with bs to see how they respond. It's a numbers game for them, eventually someone will fall for it. Get your bs meter out and laugh in their face the next time someone tries this crap. This is how you separate a sincere guy from the players.

Btw, you'll find all signs will do this. Get wise to it, it'll save you a lot of heartbreak in the future.

Ok so i have been dating an aries man for the last two months!! I am a gemini woman :-) Things started off great although i did realise he was in no hurry to contact or text me back within so many minutes or hours even 😢 . I got used to this!! I thought at first he was a little bit shy! but now i just think he is bloody crazy!! Things were ok at start would not say he was over me like a rash but he wasn't to distant either, well it didn't bother me until NOW!!

When wee go out on dates he would not like hold my hand or even kiss me until the end of the night! 😢 which I find frustrating!! But talking to someone who knows him I later found out that he has never had a women before, so this kind of eased my insecurity! Although 8 weeks down the line i still feel like this is going no-were! 😢 he would like not reply to my messages until like hours on end! then text like their is nothing wrong and keep asking that he wants to see me. Ok i am going to be honest here, i play him at his own game, i ignore him pretty much the same!! although this is killing me!! I finally cracked last week and said to him that i didnt want to see him anymore 😢 because i thought it was going nowere, and he was shocked & upset at the fact and begged me to give it another go! to work things out!! so i agreed because deep down i do really like him! so wee had arranged to meet up the night after! and i got a text to say that he couldnt make it , that something had came up! I was pissed! but i accepted. I felt like a fool though, and i kind of doubt if he was telling the truth. The next day came and no answer from him , until i finally contacted him in he acted like nothing was wrong although was giving me short answers!! so i tried to put it at the back of my mind, in not take it to personally!! So after that the next morning he contacted me again to see how i was , and wee were meant to be seeing each other that night but he nver mentioned anything, i looged on2 his profile on the social networking site only to find out that he had been lying about working the whole previous weekend!! :-\ So out of bad temper i had changed my status to single!! i thought to myself i have had enough!! Screw him!! I knew he would have seen this so i just thought he would either of A.) Got on the phone or texted in said what the hell is going on? or B.) Never speak to me again!! well thats what most normal people do right?? But no no him!! he texts me later on that evening, acting all normal in stuff like absoulately nothing was wrong!!!! HOW WEIRD?!? I hadn't heard from him all the next day, until that evening in he said that wee needed to get a night out, in asked what i was up to?! so i text him back telling him were i was etc etc! I didnt hear from him on the friday! so i contacted him and he said he was fine etc etc and asked what i was doing? the usual stuff, then when i replied, and asked him, he never replied to me!!! I mean come on?

Until this morning he texted me, again asking what i was up 2? i replied yet again! and i have had no answer back from him!! So could someone please give me some insight to what the hell i am supposed to do?? Should i kick his sorry ass top the curb, or try in find out what the hell is actually wrong with him??

gemini88, i've been having the same issues with the aries i've been talking to. he'll text me and initiate conversation but he doesn't text me back all the time. sometimes i'll ask a question and he just won't respond and it's really annoying! and then a few days later or even just the next day he'll act like there's no problem. i really don't get it. i feel like a part of it may just be that he's not that interested. i have realized with my aries guy that he is very inconsistent and everything always has to be under his terms. he'll talk to me when he feels like it and if he doesn't feel like responding he just won't and this is supposed to be completely ok?? in his eyes it is! he sees nothing wrong with it. i've realized aries tend to be very selfish. but anyway, to stick to answering your question, i feel any sort of inconsistency is never a good sign.. if he's off and on i would pull away a little and give him the chance to see what he could possibly be losing. give him a chance to react to life without you then take the next steps according to how he reacts. good luck!

also, sometimes i'll say something really funny or witty back and he doesn't even respond to that! even in person he'll just look at me and completely disregard what i just said. does anyone else get this with their aries men?? are most aries men unresponsive?

Why are you giving her advice about her effed up Aries man when you're just as confused about hers and don't know what to do? :/!



It's not his sign. It's him. I knew a Cap guy the exact same way. Guess what? Found out he was just trying to get into my pants. Once he did, he turned into more of an asshole with the hot/cold bs, and his true colors finally showed a few months later, in which I shoved him out of my life asap. I didn't need that in my life, and neither do the two of you. These guys are just being selfish assholes and wanting someone on the side to get some from. As soon as you realize this, the sooner you'll be better off.

There's no playing games and pulling back to see what he'll do. There's walking away, which is what BOTH of you should be doing. I ended up getting burned in the long run, and since then, just don't bother with the guy. Why keep someone around who's gonna treat you like that? There's enough screwed up people in the world who come into your life, not by choice, why the hell would you want to keep someone like this around BY CHOICE?



Amen!!

Shaking my head at these girls....Get some damn self respect!! Walk away from half ass bad treatment from men, from anyone that doesn't see a need to acknowledge you and respect you and validate you as important and worthy. Stop trying to pick apart the asshole douchebag behavior and walk away and don't return until he get's his shit together and stop acting like the relationship is revolving 100% around him and his terms. When a man see you are not afraid to walk away he will then respect you but there is no way he will respect you if you take his crumbs of attention and his crumby behavior and suddenly stop being a douchebag because you want him to, there has to be some kind of consequence to his actions or he will just continue doing what he wants to do.

i do stand up for myself when he is inappropriate with me, and the last couple weeks i haven't been initiating conversation. if he wants to talk to me he can and i'll usually just be coy or respond with humor. he was being inappropriate with me a couple weeks ago and i said something and he stopped. now he just texts me to see whats up which is a nice change. i guess initially i got sucked into the whole thing because i really liked him and it was hard to ignore him and my feelings. but it got to a point where i just became uncomfortable and started standing up for myself. i think he respected that. i don't know whats really going to happen.. its been almost 2 months since i've last seen him.. i'm just leaving the situation in his hands.
i agree that guys just test the waters to see how much they can get out of you. if you let them disrespect you they will. they'll just try to get what they can out of you. but if you stand up for yourself they see you are worthwhile and things will be a lot different in a good way.