Getting back together with my Female Aries

Hey guys,

First post here, and I truly need help in getting my wife back.

A little background, I'm a Gemini male, she's an Aries Female.

From the moment we met, we pretty much hit it off, and fell in Love quickly.

Due to a lot of circumstances at the time, we ended up living together after 1 month of knowing each other.

The first 6 years of our relationship were GREAT, we got married and continued living together.

The past 4 - 5 years have been very rocky, and I did everything wrong that would drive an Aries away.

Right now, she's at a point where she's very cold and distant from me, and has said that she wants to explore and meet other people. Sometimes when we're intimate in bed, eventhough it's wild and amazing, she says she doesn't feel a thing emotionally.

I know for a fact that if she walks away, she'll never turn back since that's her nature. She's beautiful and guys are always drooling over her everywhere she goes. I know that she can easily meet another guy, she has so many options.

I'm really not sure what to do to win her back now, we've been living together for 14 years now, we don't have kids, since we were never at "the right time" to have them.

Yes, I messed up, but I want to do anything and everything I can to win her back. We've gotten through a lot together, and have always found our way back to each other, I just need to know how to get her to warm up to me again, and eliminate the coldness and wall she has built that is keeping me away.

Posted by donny78
Hey guys,

First post here, and I truly need help in getting my wife back.

A little background, I'm a Gemini male, she's an Aries Female.

From the moment we met, we pretty much hit it off, and fell in Love quickly.

Due to a lot of circumstances at the time, we ended up living together after 1 month of knowing each other.

The first 6 years of our relationship were GREAT, we got married and continued living together.

The past 4 - 5 years have been very rocky, and I did everything wrong that would drive an Aries away.

Right now, she's at a point where she's very cold and distant from me, and has said that she wants to explore and meet other people. Sometimes when we're intimate in bed, eventhough it's wild and amazing, she says she doesn't feel a thing emotionally.

I know for a fact that if she walks away, she'll never turn back since that's her nature. She's beautiful and guys are always drooling over her everywhere she goes. I know that she can easily meet another guy, she has so many options.

I'm really not sure what to do to win her back now, we've been living together for 14 years now, we don't have kids, since we were never at "the right time" to have them.

Yes, I messed up, but I want to do anything and everything I can to win her back. We've gotten through a lot together, and have always found our way back to each other, I just need to know how to get her to warm up to me again, and eliminate the coldness and wall she has built that is keeping me away.

What did you do to mess up?

I don't think she is coming back

Posted by EmotionalAries


What did you do to mess up?

I'm not sure how to cover everything.

Last few years have been tough financially, and it has been a roller coaster ride for us.

When we first met, I managed to launch a successful business, and was pulling 6 figures a year, so we got used to fine life style . I'm not implying she's materialistic, because when we first met, she actually supported me in launching my business. But during our tough times, I did imply she only loved me for my money, which was a stupid thing to say. I now know better.

The last few years have been a struggle, and we have gotten into very serious fights that over time have driven a wedge in our relationship.

She's gone through depression, and up until recently, I basically took off all the baggage off her shoulders for the problems I did not deal with for a long time.

She's now shining, and doing a lot better. I'm also doing a lot better, but still have issues to resolve, and I'm in the process of starting a new business.

I feel she's lost respect for me, and no longer sees me the same way.

For a LONG time, I used to be her more prized possession, and she loved me like no one else I have ever known, now it's just so cold and distant.

Posted by donny78

Posted by EmotionalAries


What did you do to mess up?

I'm not sure how to cover everything.

Last few years have been tough financially, and it has been a roller coaster ride for us.

When we first met, I managed to launch a successful business, and was pulling 6 figures a year, so we got used to fine life style . I'm not implying she's materialistic, because when we first met, she actually supported me in launching my business. But during our tough times, I did imply she only loved me for my money, which was a stupid thing to say. I now know better.

The last few years have been a struggle, and we have gotten into very serious fights that over time have driven a wedge in our relationship.

She's gone through depression, and up until recently, I basically took off all the baggage off her shoulders for the problems I did not deal with for a long time.

She's now shining, and doing a lot better. I'm also doing a lot better, but still have issues to resolve, and I'm in the process of starting a new business.

I feel she's lost respect for me, and no longer sees me the same way.

For a LONG time, I used to be her more prized possession, and she loved me like no one else I have ever known, now it's just so cold and distant.

click to expand

I have been here sorta, thats why I asked. I was married for a long time and when I dealt with someone who stopped manning up... I lost respect for him.

I am also the time to treat my man like a King on the Throne, I'm so good to you that its sickening to others. But when I love, I love hard...
When I lose respect for the person, I go cold like an ICE QUEEN on steroids!

With that said, you have to go back and figure out what attracted her in the first place, what little things did you do that made her fall in love. Figure that out and start working on it.
I'm not saying you cant win her back, trust me I ended up back with my ex a year after we divorced, cause when the cold wears off we tend to give another chance. We forgive to a fault when its someone we love. But her brick wall is up and when mine is, its hard to get through it. But small steps help.

I don't have any experience being married or anything of that sort. But I say, if you love her, tell her and show her, don't let her go, talk to her and let her know how you feel, own up to any thing you/her might have done/said, and work to get things better TOGETHER. Hope everything works out for you too!

wow, that describes her to a tee.

That wall is up so high, I feel the distance, and coldness it's the most ackward feeling ever.

She wants to be set free and explore, and basically date other men. From what I've been reading, she sees me as a "failed experiment" and wants to move on. I'm not sure how to be supportive of that when we are still living together. For all the wrongs I have done, I am willing to set her free, but I'm not sure if she'll ever come back. She's beautiful, and guys are always gaga's over her everywhere she goes, so finding a guy for her will not be an issue, and I feel like she just wants to hurt me and rub it in.

She gets dressed up, and makes it clear she's no longer my girl.

Plus, what's weird is every now and then she'll write me little letters telling me she's in 200% so long as I am facing and conquering my challenges. But then a few days later she'll say she didn't really mean 200% , and at times she says my chances are slim to none.

I just don't understand all these mixed messages, and if she will truly give me another chance.

Aries women need to have something in a man to respect. That's number one. In my long term relationship once I lost the respect for my man it was practically over in my mind. When I look back at it now: the things he said he would do 10 years ago before we started dating he still hasn't accomplished and we haven't been together in 5 years, so I'm happy I made that decision. I think if I saw him DOING more that just talking about it I might have found that attraction again. If there is something you can do to show her that you are the same capable man as you were before - do that.

Also make her feel intrigued and excited about what's to come. There's one line that ever worked on me and which I'll never forget, when a guy told me: "You have no idea who you just met and what we're about to do together." This sparked my Aries heart and the guy immediately became interesting and mysterious at the same time, he made me want to hold on for the ride.

Posted by minnieroger
I don't have any experience being married or anything of that sort. But I say, if you love her, tell her and show her, don't let her go, talk to her and let her know how you feel, own up to any thing you/her might have done/said, and work to get things better TOGETHER. Hope everything works out for you too!

She knows exactly how I feel now, but for a long time I did take her for granted while I was stuck in a rut. I have hurt her deeply as well, and it took her a long time to let me go, and she has. I'm just now picking myself up from all the struggles, but she's way past the grieving stages and has accepted she no longer loves me, and I don't know if she ever will.

I just want to know what I can do to climb or tear that wall down.

Posted by Aries04
Aries women need to have something in a man to respect. That's number one. In my long term relationship once I lost the respect for my man it was practically over in my mind. When I look back at it now: the things he said he would do 10 years ago before we started dating he still hasn't accomplished and we haven't been together in 5 years, so I'm happy I made that decision. I think if I saw him DOING more that just talking about it I might have found that attraction again. If there is something you can do to show her that you are the same capable man as you were before - do that.

This is good to know, thanks. I'm just now realizing all of this, as I've been doing research on Aries lately, which she is aware of, and then says to me I should've done this years ago, now it's too late!

A couple days ago, I was taking care of a whole bunch of things from my To Do list, and when I was leaving she was eyeing me up and down with those sexy Arian eyes. We actually had plans to have a wild night ( if you know what I mean ) but when she came back from work, she had a stressful time and she cracked, and all the wrongs I had done came crashing down on her too. Let's just say when she got home from work, I was her number 1 enemy.

Her wall got fortified, and built up higher a few levels. She is just so cold and distant now.

Posted by Aries04

Also make her feel intrigued and excited about what's to come. There's one line that ever worked on me and which I'll never forget, when a guy told me: "You have no idea who you just met and what we're about to do together." This sparked my Aries heart and the guy immediately became interesting and mysterious at the same time, he made me want to hold on for the ride.

click to expand

Very nice! No wonder she was so in love with me in the beginning. After being together 14 years, we know everything about each other, the good, the bad, the ugly.

I gotta figure out a way to make things interesting and mysterious again.

Posted by arietteheart2
I really feel for you because that Aries ice is cold. All I know is that when I have made up my mind to leave...I don't even look back in my rear view. I don't keep in contact with any of my exes and honestly don't even think about them.

I hope you can figure out how to revive this marriage. Good luck.

Yikes, this is why I've worked so hard to keep her over the years, because I know once she goes, she won't look back. That's just her attitude, and has said it to me many times.

We still live together now, but it feels more like roommates than it does a relationship. This whole exploring other options cannot possibly end well. She tells me to have faith, and if it's meant to be, it will be. Problem is, I've been with and slept with other girls before she and I got together. She on the other hand never really got a chance to date because her parents were strict. I was her first Love, and her first everything basically. So now, she's 100% curious at what else is out there.

I just want to break those walls down, because I know everything that I've done wrong in the past will not happen again.

Tried talking to her, opening up and owning up to everything I've done. She just doesn't want to hear it. All she says, she hates everything I've done to her, and is beyond Ice cold, she pierces my heart with her words.

She has a lot of guys hitting on her right now, and I think she's starting to consider opening herself up to others.

Do I even have a chance at reconciliation?

UGH. Why would you want her when she's acting like this? Are you okay with her cheating on you?

She's living her life, you need to live yours. I'm sure as soon as she sees that you're having fun and doing your own thing and happy with your life, she'll come running back.. And if she doesn't, who cares? You're living without her anyway..

Show her that you don't need her, go out one night without her.. You don't have to actually go anywhere special.. Just "hide" out somewhere..

Don't grovel at her feet.. like the other women have said, you need to respect yourself.. Pick yourself up and act like a man! A strong one! 🙂 There might be a chance of reconciliation but you have to start respecting yourself! Work on yourself, get your business going again and just "do you". Good luck!

Like I said, we've been together 14 years now, and at the end of the day I know I'm responsible for how she's feeling now. She tried to mend things numerous times, and I wasn't ready to deal.

Now that I'm ready, she's over it.

No, I'm not ok with her sleeping with other guys. That's a line neither of us have ever crossed, and I don't know if I can still be with her if she slept with someone else. I'm not sure if she'd ever feel the same towards me if she slept with someone else either. That would be really weird.

You ladies are right, the more I try talking with her right now, the more turned off she gets, it makes no sense to me. I'm just trying to be responsible, and own up to things, which is what she's always wanted, but now she just gets angry.

I will just let her be, and get my shizzo together. It's hard for me to let go, but it looks like I have to.

Thanks for the advice, well appreciated.

Posted by feby16aqua
You don't have to let go. Just focus on yourself and getting to a better place for yourself. It's like a change of mindset.
imo she has way too much hold right now...and I'm sure she knows it.

Thanks.

We are just in a really strange phase in our relationship. She has given me numerous second chances, and for years she tried to fix our marriage. I didn't wanna hear it, nor address our issues. I used to be her Knight in Shining Armor, her hero, and for a time a Father figure.

Last night we were talking, and she told me the day she fell out of love was about 2 years ago. The last few months she has been healing and got to a point where she set me free in her heart.

Here I am, taking it all in now, ready to deal, but it's prolly too late.

I don't want to set her free, but it's not like I really have a choice, she wants and needs to be free.

i do need to bring myself to a better place, because I've been living with Guilt and Regrets for years, which is what's truly been holding me back.

Thanks Arians!

I went through something very similar with a Leo man, we were together for 6 years. And I broke it off because I fell out of love and had felt under appreciated for a long time.

Maybe you can take this as a life lesson. Don't wait until something is gone before realize that that something was great.

I wish all the best to you donny!

Update: The last few days have been getting rockier and rockier, and I've had some strange feelings lately.

Last night she told me that this guy at work has been very persistent in getting her number, and she wouldn't give it to him. But last week, the day that she came home extremely angry with me, he actually walked her to the bus and he expressed how he felt about her...

I knew this guy had been hitting on her, and she had been telling me she's not interested, etc.

Apparently, by the end of the convo she hugged him 3 times, and she actually started developing feelings for him, and she's all confused.

This is the 1st time in our 14 year relationship that something like this has happened. Throughout our relationship, no other guy has ever mattered to her.

Right now, every time I talk to her, she is very rageful and angry towards me.

I am letting her be for a while, but clearly things aren't looking good, especially if she has feelings for this other guy. We're moving to a new place at the end of the week, and she even hinted that I should move out shortly thereafter.

You have fucked up in some serious ways and you took your marriage and your wife for granted for many years. You can't and won't eve go into real details.

I can only imagine you dragging your nuts across her forehead for her to do it the way she is doing it. Also, your finances are probably entangled... not allowing a clean break.

She has gone through all the stages of grief.

She wants to make you not want her anymore.

Let go.

If you have damaged this the way you alluded to, and by her response to you, you are going to have to start from SCRATCH...

...courtship, and re-date alongside competition.

Mending at the level required here, is near impossible during co-habitation.

I think, by her actions, this is what she may be requiring. But, she wrong to think this can or should be done while you are under the same roof... Unless, your finances are too entangled or, there is financial abuse.

Yes I do feel powerless. She tells me all she wants from me is to be self empowered, as I focus and give her too much attention.

I remember when my Business was booming, and I had to work extra hours, she was upset that I was not giving her enough attention and our marriage was suffering. So I started working less on the business, and giving her more attention. Problem is, I never found the right balance, because shortly thereafter my Business started suffering. In a way I did resent her, because it felt like I had to choose one or the other.

Business eventually went downhill, a lot of stress followed soon thereafter.

I have been holding on to our relationship for a while now, have put too much focus on making her happy, rather than making myself happy first and foremost.

She's super talented, and I've always believed in her. I took a lot of risks and put a TON of responsibility on my shoulders for a few years so she could pursue her Art. I've always known that if she got a Job, she would no longer focus on her Art, so I wanted to make sure she followed her dream. She now has about 12 paintings, as she was able to focus on painting for a few years. The goal has always been to help her business get off the ground, but due to our many issues we haven't been able to get her stuff launched.

We have gone through a lot of trials and tribulations as a result financially in the last couple years especially. I have been recovering the last few months, and I'm sure my new business will skyrocket once launched, unfortunately she may not be around for that. Which also makes it tough for me to do this new venture, because when I got into Business in the first place, it was to provide my family Financial stability, and that was my primary motivation.

She's the only girl I have ever loved this deeply, I wouldn't be pouring out my feelings here otherwise, I'm truly seeking help. It's hard for me to accept it's over. Else I would've let go a long time ago. I've been trying to get my shizzo together and make it up to her, and I guess this is why it hasn't worked because I'm acting out of guilt rather than out of love.

When we were in Love, it was beyond amazing. I wouldn't have married her otherwise. I would love to start over and date her, but I'm not sure how to connect with her right now, she's so distant, especially the last 5 days, it's just sooooo weird.

Whatever all this means,(in bold) it sounds serious and it is clear you are not comfortable going into detail; so, you have to be real and ask yourself would it be worth it to you. Or, what would it take for you to try for the 10th or 100th time. Only you really know, cause you're not saying much.

The past 4 - 5 years have been very rocky, and I did everything wrong that would drive an Aries away.
The last few years have been a struggle, and we have gotten into very serious fights that over time have driven a wedge in our relationship.
She's gone through depression, and up until recently, I basically took off all the baggage off her shoulders for the problems I did not deal with for a long time.
I'm also doing a lot better, but still have issues to resolve, and??_
For all the wrongs I have done, I am willing to set her free, but I'm not sure if she'll ever come back.
She knows exactly how I feel now, but for a long time I did take her for grantedwhile I was stuck in a rut. I have hurt her deeply as well, and it took her a long time to let me go, and she has.
Tried talking to her, opening up and owning up to everything I've done.

Posted by VenusAquarius
Whatever all this means,(in bold) it sounds serious and it is clear you are not comfortable going into detail; so, you have to be real and ask yourself would it be worth it to you. Or, what would it take for you to try for the 10th or 100th time. Only you really know, cause you're not saying much.

The past 4 - 5 years have been very rocky, and I did everything wrong that would drive an Aries away.
The last few years have been a struggle, and we have gotten into very serious fights that over time have driven a wedge in our relationship.
She's gone through depression, and up until recently, I basically took off all the baggage off her shoulders for the problems I did not deal with for a long time.
I'm also doing a lot better, but still have issues to resolve, and??_
For all the wrongs I have done, I am willing to set her free, but I'm not sure if she'll ever come back.
She knows exactly how I feel now, but for a long time I did take her for grantedwhile I was stuck in a rut. I have hurt her deeply as well, and it took her a long time to let me go, and she has.
Tried talking to her, opening up and owning up to everything I've done.

Thanks, yes, it is serious, it's stuff that has happened over a period of 5 years.

I know I have to let her go, and focus on myself right now.

Acceptance is the first step right?

I believe in loving an individual as a person and not as a possession. There are many ways to love a person without having to be in a romantic relationship with them.

Just care... selfless care.

Posted by VenusAquarius
I believe in loving an individual as a person and not as a possession. There are many ways to love a person without having to be in a romantic relationship with them.

Just care... selfless care.

I hear ya, and agree with you.

I don't feel she's my possession, there's no way I can cover 14 years worth of being together. Neither of us have ever been with another person throughout our entire relationship. Believe me, everywhere we go, she gets hit on, even my own friends tried hitting on her in the beginning it was ridiculous. We've always been on the same page about sleeping or being with other people, and have always been loyal to each other.

I am letting her be, whatever happens will happen. Just need to focus on myself now. If something does materialize with this other person, I really have no idea if we can reconciliate. I don't think I can get past that.

This is the first time I've visited this forum, so I'm not quite familiar with the dynamics here, and I was seeking advice, and see the bigger picture now thanks to all of you.

Will be sure to make some updates throughout the journey.

Posted by starlover
You were faithful to her for 14years?

Yup, and still am.

I was out of a 2 year relationship before meeting her.

Although I had other partners before her, and I was her first, Sex with her made me not want to be with anyone else. I love pleasuring her and vice versa.

Infidelity isn't one of our issues.

When I was in my 2 year relationship, my girlfriend wanted to move in together and I refused.

With her, we were living together after a month of knowing each other, and I didn't even hesitate.

As other girls said, you need to put your life back together, show her that you are the man with ambitious she met 14 years ago. Be strong and respect yourself, definitely don't beg her to stay, because that's just a turn off for us.

It's hard to get her respect back, but not inpossible. Istead of talking to her, work on your business and make sure it succeeds. Give her something she can admire about you, something she would be proud of, and good luck!

donny,

I was married to a Gemini man, this would be our 9th year, now currently separated. My situation was very similar. I'm creative and a artist and it was my decision to move out. We also like you moved in together quickly and married young. We never had kids either.

The best advise I can offer is: DO NOT GIVE UP

don't beg, it won't help but be persistent and show that you want to try and save your relationship. Show her you have ambition and drive. That is what a strong smart Aries woman respects. Just be direct and say that you are sorry for every tear you caused and that she is the most important person in your life and you will do what is needed to fix things.

Don't leave it all to her. She will resent this and just move on. my soon to be ex hubby just admitted defeat and checked out. I didn't know what to do or who to go to. Marriage counselling was so expensive I thought a divorce was cheaper and it was best to let him go if he just didn't care. I knew he loved me but he left all problem solving to me and that gets exhausting.

Don't do this to your wife. The most important thing to a alpha Aries woman is a man that takes charge. Just don't take over. Take charge of your issues (insecurity, taking her for granted ect) and if she has really let go then at least you know you did as much as you could

Thanks for the advice.

I really don't know how to move forward. I have been holding on for a long time, and the more I tried to make things better, the more things got worse. I've been trying to make things up to her, but she says that it was my guilt that kept holding on, as I was trying to make her happy.

It's kinda true in a sense, but from my perspective, I kept holding on because all I remember is the good times, the great Chemistry we have together, and I really want to get us back to that place again.

Last night, we were having a good chat, getting along, were making plans to go out and stuff. She started talking about how she wants to go Dancing, and started reminiscing of when we used to go out and we were the hottest couple in the room, and how much fun we had together. She even said I made you look so good, which was true. It's hard to explain without posting pics, looks wise we are very much alike, and the Chemistry was amazing, people always picked up on our energy. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a really good looking guy as well, and we've always complemented each other looks and hearts wise.

About an hour later she starts talking about this guy again, because she's being "honest" with me. It's extremely hard to not get angry and play it cool. I know he would eventually start really liking her and falling for her, she just has that mystique about her, because she's beautiful, nice, funny, and quite frankly, she possesses a lot of qualities that guys look for in a girl to settle down with. She's beautiful, smart, funny, very talented, cooks and has Old Fashion values, hence I'm the only guy she's ever been with, and we actually met in College.

I believe her that she wasn't looking for this, but it's happened. Obviously, last night didn't end up well.

I just got back from my business class, and was looking for some sites I was on last night in the History.

For a couple hours today, all she was researching was: "how to know when a pisces man is interested in you" as well as Pisces man astrology. I also found the guy's phone number, while she told me she never gave her number out, but obviously she has his.

To her, we're not together, she doesn't consider this cheating, and it wasn't something she was planning for, and just happened. I don't understand her, she knows he's going away in a month, she insists she's not interested in a relationship. If she isn't, why is she looking up Pisces astrology?.

Our conversations now eventually turn to rage and anger ( not from me ).

Through thick and thin I have never gave up on our relationship, she doesn't remember anything good I've done for her, all she remembers are the bad times. I've made so many sacrifices and when I mention that to her, she says "so what" look at how it turned out, or throws certain scenarios back in my face.

She knows I want to fix our relationship and have been trying for a while now, but I never understood the root of my internal issues and it was hard for me to deal. She says that "you're only doing this now because you know it's over." I've tried apologizing, accepting responsibilities, etc, and she just doesn't want to hear it.

She said even if I get my life back together, it doesn't matter now, it's too late. We were supposed to have a family and grow old together.

She has no feelings for me anymore, she's making that blatantly obvious.

I too am about to check out, I get so many mixed messages all the time, but lately ever since she broke down at work last week, things just have not been the same, and everything I do just annoys her. The same day she broke down, was when she hugged that guy.

I can't deal with her seeing another guy. I'm not the type to sit back and let her date other people, and hope she comes back to me. One time I said to her, if you're going to see other people, then I'm going to do the same. She got angry with me. wtf. Before I finished my sentence, I was about to say "But I'm not interested in other girls"

We both made a vow that if we're ever dating or interested in other people, then our relationship is over. Why? She was the Girl of my dreams, and I haven't cared to look at other women. She has always been loyal and the same towards me, until recently of course. No matter how many times she's gotten hit on over the years, it has never mattered.

I know I'm making her sound like a Villain, when we're on Good terms, she's really nice, sweet, innocent and we just have Amazing Chemistry. The love we shared is unlike anything I've experienced before, and I highly doubt I will find someone else with that much chemistry and compatibility in every way.

It's probably best that I accept it's over, get my life together and move on. I feel so pathetic sharing all of this here. I'm getting close to "checking out" 😢

Posted by starlover

Posted by starlover
You were faithful to her for 14years?

That is good to hear. Did it never worry you though that she, at some point, may want to experiment with other people, if you were her only lover?

To be honest, no, I was never worried about that. Our sex life has always been great. We're both pretty wild in the bedroom, and have always spiced things up. I can confidently say that we've both been satisfied in that department. Lately though, not so much, we've definitely drifted apart.

She comes from a family with Old Fashion values, and Loyalty has always been her strong point. That's why what's happening right now is soooo weird, and we both agree.

I do wish she had gotten more experience prior to meeting me, and had gotten that out of her system. Because of her parents, she wasn't even able to date her High School sweetheart. I definitely had experience with different people before settling down with her, I knew she was the one.

Also, her parents played a major role in us Living together so quickly, when they found out we were dating, they had a huge fight, and she ended up getting kicked out of her house. Without hesitation I told her to come live with me, and we'd figure it out.

Come to think of it, her parents also played a major role in us getting engaged, and getting married so quickly. Because I loved her, I didn't mind, but it would've been nice if we had gone at our own pace. One of our major issues was that our Wedding ( although it was pretty extravagant ), was actually very stressful due to a lot of drama that went on during the Wedding planning, and the actual event.

Due to those issues, our marriage didn't get started off on the right foot.

She sounds hurt. And I think she's naive about dating again. When she gets her heart broken by a couple of guys she will see going into dating again is not easy.

Why are you still living together if she says these things to you? Maybe that's what you need. Time to improve yourself and move forward.

If she is saying she isn't in love she should get on with it and move out. I'm assuming finances are a issue? If so start planning your own situation ie living on your own? Don't feel bad for asking advice. Just focus on you. There is nothing wrong with that

Posted by lcrc
She sounds hurt. And I think she's naive about dating again. When she gets her heart broken by a couple of guys she will see going into dating again is not easy.

Why are you still living together if she says these things to you? Maybe that's what you need. Time to improve yourself and move forward.

If she is saying she isn't in love she should get on with it and move out. I'm assuming finances are a issue? If so start planning your own situation ie living on your own? Don't feel bad for asking advice. Just focus on you. There is nothing wrong with that

Thanks, she's definitely hurt. The last few years have been rough for us, and I made a lot of poor decisions that set us back. Our finances are tied together, and it's not easy for either of us to just move out. Moving right now came completely un-expected and it wasn't our fault. All of this just spiraled this way in the last week, and her having feelings for this other guy has definitely a lot to do with it. It has let her know she's capable of having feelings for someone else, and it's very weird. I didn't see this coming, but a lot has changed in the last 2 months.

She's definitely naive about dating again, I saw this whole thing coming a while ago. When I mentioned that this guy was for her, she acted like I was jealous. My radar was up, and I knew exactly what was happening. My intuition tells me he's head over heels over her, most guys can't contain themselves around her. Only this time, she didn't put a stop to it.

Get this he's only 21! She just turned 35, though she looks like she's 25. ( Not the point though )

This guy is moving in a month or 2, and I'm sure he wants to get in her pants before he goes.

you sound like my gemini husband..his name is Donnie..LOL...but our marriage is on the verge of a divorce because he's not being the husband he's suppose to be. I still love him but I am on the edge. I have went through hell and hot water with this man and he just won't give me what I want. I surely hope its not too late for you guys but once a aries women is fed up...she's done!

Posted by starlover
hmmm, i have let three guys go because i was their first 🙂 (they always come to me for some reason lol)....the problem is down the line, most people will often think what it would be like with someone else, i know i would and i am a very loyal person

just saying 🙂

I hear ya, I guess it wasn't an issue I thought we'd ever have. For us to be this disconnected emotionally is very strange. However, I own up and accept my part in this whole ordeal. I have had a very hard time forgiving myself, and letting go of Guilt.

Posted by avon4117
you sound like my gemini husband..his name is Donnie..LOL...but our marriage is on the verge of a divorce because he's not being the husband he's suppose to be. I still love him but I am on the edge. I have went through hell and hot water with this man and he just won't give me what I want. I surely hope its not too late for you guys but once a aries women is fed up...she's done!

click to expand

How long have you 2 been together?

I did neglect and ignore a lot of our issues. She told me a long time ago that if I don't get it together, that I would one day regret it. Here we are.

At this point, I need to focus on myself, let her be free and experience whatever it is she wants to experience. If it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other again.

She's already made peace with the past and is moving forward, and her heart has let me go.

I recognize that we're on different stages of our journey. I'm not sure if it's just a Gemini thing, but I'm an Orange / Green, and she's a Blue / Green ( if you know what that means? )

I have now experienced the REALLY GOOD, and now going through the REALLY Bad, which is what Orange / Greens are known for.

One Extreme is to be really successful, and have it all. The other extreme is that they end up in Jail, or have a really rough and negative life. I think that because I'm a Gemini I can manifest both Extremes, and I have.

More info on the Personality Types I'm talking about here:
https://truecolorsintl.com/about-us/what-is-true-colors/<BR>

hmmm interesting..Donnie seems to be the other extreme..he's been in jail quite a few times. He is really a good husband he is just having a lot of issues. I try to work with him but its getting too hard to bear.

We've been together 7 years..married 4 years.

I tell my husband some time apart may help things but he is so clingy. I love that about him but sometimes I just can't breathe

Posted by avon4117
hmmm interesting..Donnie seems to be the other extreme..he's been in jail quite a few times. He is really a good husband he is just having a lot of issues. I try to work with him but its getting too hard to bear.

We've been together 7 years..married 4 years.

I tell my husband some time apart may help things but he is so clingy. I love that about him but sometimes I just can't breathe

Very similar situations, though I've never been to jail. When you work with him to resolve the issues, does he say I don't know what to do? I know a big problem for me was that I did not deal with issues right away, then a new set of issues would pop up and go unresolved. I mean it's not like I didn't deal with anything, or didn't want to, but what has really held me back is living with Guilt & Regret which to this day I have a hard time forgiving myself for. If he's been to Jail, and done a lot of wrongs, I bet he feels the same way.

I'm going to start seeing a Therapist next week, my wife is no longer interested in helping me deal, she gets frustrated.

btw - Last night we went out for the first time, in a LONG time. We went to play pool, had a pitcher, watched the hockey game. We finally let loose and started talking about everything that's going on right now.

We were discussing things openly, and she said to me: You know why I can never look at you the same way again, right? I went over the reasons why, and she just nodded. This is why we're so distant now, had I dealt with issues long ago, there wouldn't be so much separation now.

I was teaching her to play, and I was also a bit rusty. Out of nowhere, she made a bet with me. To break from scratch, and if I sunk all balls with only missing 4 times, than later we'd be having some fun with no strings attached. I won the bet.

When we got home, we continued to open up about everything, and then she went into more detail about her experience with that guy. She had an emotional and spiritual connection, and she said if he had kissed her at that moment, she wouldn't have stopped it.

We ended up just talking and going to bed.

I really don't know if / how we can recover from this.

i admit i haven't read all the replies here...but i have read your first one and i have to say sth:

1.this is the way men, any man, not only a gemini, lose a woman[not only an aries woman]. so...i'd advise you to read articles related to your relationship problems written by relationship experts, the internet is full of them.

2.i agree with what some women said here: don't become a rag. women take back men they haven't lost respect for. try to keep her respect for you intact.

3. from a beautiful woman...don't get scared or think that if she is beautiful, she implicitely has lots of opportunities...having men around doesn't equal having the one you want. it's more difficult for a beautiful woman to find the right man than it is for an average woman. and if she is smart, educated and sophisticated it is even harder. why? because the more qualities you have, the higher your standards are, the higher your standards, the fewer the elligible opportunities. to have a clearer idea...of 10 new men i met when i was single, i was lucky if i became interested in one. In 5 years since my divorce i have been really interested in 2. the first one spoilt things the way you did, i'm currently evaluating the 2nd one.

so...put yourself together, remember you are the man she once loved. openly take responsibility for your behaviour, don't play the tough guy...but sincerely....if such a woman leaves a man after so long...she usually leaves for good. sorry

donny,

Avon and MZ are very spot on in their advice.

Avon's advice about a woman on the edge. And MZ about being attractive and the difficulties it brings.

If you really truly love her don't give up yet. She is opening up to you. I know these things she is confessing to you are hard but she wants to share this with you. It's like a therapy. Aries women are candid and open. She is telling you about her "emotional and spiritual connection" with this dude but she wants that with you!!!

Be passionate! be ardent! Grab that woman and blow her mind. She's a fire sign. Tell her to get dolled up and get her drunk and have a saucy date. Seduce her!

Forget this dude. He's nothing you are the husband and the man in her life. He's a distraction she found from her sadness. He probably can smell the vulnerability on her is taking advantage and will treat her like shit. She is hurt and confused and making stupid decisions

Don't give up x

Thanks ladies,

Right now, I've come to the realization that I really have to get myself together in every way, shape and form. What I meant by she's beautiful and has lots of options, I'm aware that she doesn't and won't go for just anyone. Heck, she held out until College to lose her virginity, how rare is that?

I was always very secure and confident. When we first started dating, and went out I would sit back and let guys flirt and hit on her, then she'd signal me to come save her when she needed it. I now realize how much of a turn on that was for her, as I was just letting her be free.

In the last week there was 1 guy that actually made her have feelings, which is something that we have never dealt with before, and we're both really confused.

To give you an idea of her mystique. Last night, when we were playing pool, all eyes were on her, even from guys with Girlfriends. I'm used to it, it's how it is everywhere we go, lately it's on a whole other level.

After playing pool, we went back to the Bar area, and we asked a couple that was sitting in front of us what the score of the game was. They said Detroit lost, and we were both like Oh man, that sucks, 'cuz she's a huge Detroit fan. The guy said I have to make it up to her, and if there's something we can work out, I'm sure 69 will do the trick! He had a huge grin and excitement on his face...

His girlfriend got all insecure, playfully slapped his hand, and pulled him away. We were both thinking, I know exactly what he's thinking... It was so random for a total stranger to just say that, but things like that don't surprise us anymore.

Today, we got all flirtatious, and were like I guess we're gonna have to do what the guy said, and we did! Though sex was great, our bond is missing, which is the huge issue for us right now.

I'm not interested in her for Sex, or anything like that. I'm interested in warming her up, breaking the wall down, and giving me one last chance to do right, so we can accomplish everything we're capable of doing together. We have so much unfinished business.

I'm not sure if I'm capable of just being friends, with casual sex thrown in to the mix. I've always been her one and only, and she's been my one and only. If we didn't feel that way, we wouldn't have gotten married.

I'm just really confused, sharing this has been helping me a LOT, and do appreciate and respect all the great Arian advice!

Posted by lcrc
donny,

Avon and MZ are very spot on in their advice.

Avon's advice about a woman on the edge. And MZ about being attractive and the difficulties it brings.

If you really truly love her don't give up yet. She is opening up to you. I know these things she is confessing to you are hard but she wants to share this with you. It's like a therapy. Aries women are candid and open. She is telling you about her "emotional and spiritual connection" with this dude but she wants that with you!!!

Be passionate! be ardent! Grab that woman and blow her mind. She's a fire sign. Tell her to get dolled up and get her drunk and have a saucy date. Seduce her!

You're so spot on! We're actually going clubbing tomorrow night, 'cuz she had so much fun last night. She'll definitely be getting dolled up, and we'll definitely be drinking again and letting loose.

The fun and excitement has been missing from our relationship for a long time now, and I'm responsible for that. I went down a path of self destruction, which was fueled by Guilt & Regret of stupid things I did years ago. I have found it so hard to forgive myself, and if I did, things would've been better a long time ago.

I'm definitely not giving up, I don't want to, I truly genuinely love her. We have so much history together, and a lot left to accomplish. I gotta find the right balance between being "clingy", letting her be, while still pursuing her?

That's another thing I noticed, there's a delicate balance for being with an Aries female. During the first 6 - 7 years I naturally had that, without even thinking about it.

there's a delicate balance for being with an Aries female. During the first 6 - 7 years I naturally had that, without even thinking about it.

It's called confidence (or swag) lol!

Good luck darling have a fun weekend, give her lots if affection and laughs. I'm cheering for you 😉

Posted by lcrc

there's a delicate balance for being with an Aries female. During the first 6 - 7 years I naturally had that, without even thinking about it.

It's called confidence (or swag) lol!

Good luck darling have a fun weekend, give her lots if affection and laughs. I'm cheering for you 😉

click to expand

Thanks!

I'll be sure to take her out, and show her a GREAT time!

Posted by donny78
Thanks ladies,

Right now, I've come to the realization that I really have to get myself together in every way, shape and form. What I meant by she's beautiful and has lots of options, I'm aware that she doesn't and won't go for just anyone. Heck, she held out until College to lose her virginity, how rare is that?

I was always very secure and confident. When we first started dating, and went out I would sit back and let guys flirt and hit on her, then she'd signal me to come save her when she needed it. I now realize how much of a turn on that was for her, as I was just letting her be free.

In the last week there was 1 guy that actually made her have feelings, which is something that we have never dealt with before, and we're both really confused.

To give you an idea of her mystique. Last night, when we were playing pool, all eyes were on her, even from guys with Girlfriends. I'm used to it, it's how it is everywhere we go, lately it's on a whole other level.

After playing pool, we went back to the Bar area, and we asked a couple that was sitting in front of us what the score of the game was. They said Detroit lost, and we were both like Oh man, that sucks, 'cuz she's a huge Detroit fan. The guy said I have to make it up to her, and if there's something we can work out, I'm sure 69 will do the trick! He had a huge grin and excitement on his face...

His girlfriend got all insecure, playfully slapped his hand, and pulled him away. We were both thinking, I know exactly what he's thinking... It was so random for a total stranger to just say that, but things like that don't surprise us anymore.

I'm just really confused, sharing this has been helping me a LOT, and do appreciate and respect all the great Arian advice!

in my opinion, the way you see her is not very healthy. you always mention how you THINK the OTHERS see her, but you never mention how YOU see her. this is how a man treats a TROPHY WIFE, not a woman HE loves. women know the difference and i think you should reconsider this.

and by the way...i am not arian 😄

Posted by mz

Posted by donny78
Thanks ladies,

in my opinion, the way you see her is not very healthy. you always mention how you THINK the OTHERS see her, but you never mention how YOU see her. this is how a man treats a TROPHY WIFE, not a woman HE loves. women know the difference and i think you should reconsider this.

and by the way...i am not arian 😄

click to expand

Thanks, but if you have had my experiences you would understand.

I have lost friendships because my own friends couldn't contain themselves, so I had to cut them off when they were making her feel uncomfortable.

What does that mean?

Telling her she's the hottest girl they've ever seen, and then disrespectfully grabbing her butt. One guy cornered her, making her feel very uncomfortable, she ran and hid when I was outside BBQing. Stuff like that has happened repeatedly. I wish I could show you pictures, I have caught that look from my own friends who are married. I have never experienced something like this before, it is very strange.

I have never hit on a friend's girlfriend, or wife especially, stuff like that doesn't make sense to me.

As far as how I feel, I mentioned it a few times. I love hanging out with her, she's funny, smart, witty, really talented, always ready and willing to try new things. She has an inner child that is so innocent.

She's beautiful inside and out, and we use to have the most amazing chemistry, always had a really good time, and had each other's back, we hit it off from day 1. I don't want to see her be taken advantage of. Not because of my paranoia, but my experiences.

If she was a trophy wife, I wouldn't have made so many sacrifices along the way, so she could pursue her career as an artist. We had plans to grow old and Grey together.

Posted by donny78

Posted by mz

Posted by donny78
Thanks ladies,

in my opinion, the way you see her is not very healthy. you always mention how you THINK the OTHERS see her, but you never mention how YOU see her. this is how a man treats a TROPHY WIFE, not a woman HE loves. women know the difference and i think you should reconsider this.

and by the way...i am not arian 😄

Thanks, but if you have had my experiences you would understand.

What does that mean?

Telling her she's the hottest girl they've ever seen, and then disrespectfully grabbing her butt. One guy cornered her, making her feel very uncomfortable, she ran and hid when I was outside BBQing. Stuff like that has happened repeatedly. I wish I could show you pictures, I have caught that look from my own friends who are married. I have never experienced something like this before, it is very strange.

click to expand

what does that mean——————?? what does that mean————? "grabbing her butt"————??

i'm telling you what that means....it means that SHE DOESN'T KNOW[OR WANT] HOW TO KEEP THEM AWAY

i am a beautiful woman, ...but NEVER NEVER has any man DARED to touch me without my consent. EVER. making compliments? of course. trying to have dates? maybe. but TOUCHING ME— ESPECIALLY THAT WAY—————— GOD!!! i can't tell you how revolted i am only reading this.

trust me...there are thousands and thousands of beautiful, gorgeous women out there...but they DON'T get their butts grabbed by men just like that...JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ

sorry to tell you ...but you are a fool if you think that if a woman is beautiful she is automatically touched by her husband's friends without her behaviour encoraging, or at least allowing that...without her knowing how to protect herself from such situations...

if you talked to a psychologist, he would tell you why that happens...

read starlover's comments again...there is some truth in that.

i'll stop posting because i've understood enough...and it is far from the romance you're picturing here...

@mz, I can't possibly describe our bond, and 14 year history in a few forum posts.

How guys act around her is neither here nor there.?? That's not one of our issues.?? In the??grand scheme of things, few guys have crossed the line because they couldn't contain themselves, not because she gave them the green light.—? For the most part she protects herself well. Again this isn't one of our issues.

I only brought it up, because it's my insecurity now.—? I wouldn't be insecure if I had my stuff together, and didn't take our relationship for granted.—?Perhaps that's what you were picking up on.?? I've snapped out of it now, and will do what I have to do.??

Everything that the Arians have told me, she has said to me before, I was just not in the right frame of mind to listen, and act on it.

I do appreciate all the feedback, including yours, it has helped me to put things in perspective.?? I know what I have to do now, and it's something I should've done long ago.

Donny! How did the weekend night out go? Did you guys have fun? 🙂

Posted by donny78
Ok that's your opinion. It's hard to tell a story over the Internet, if you are implying that she allows it, or wants it you couldn't be more wrong. I'll just leave it at that.

It's not just mz's opinion.

You sound like a voyeur taking excitement from other guys hitting on your wife. Is this the main reason you want to continue this dying relationship?

Let me summarize how you presented her to us:

She lets other guys treat her like a piece of meat and then rub it on your nose.

She's soon to be middle aged, yet childless and jobless.

She is talented and pursues a career in art, yet only painted 12 pieces in 14 years and sold none, which is less than a painting monkey.

She connects best with a 21 years old, which is usually someone without real life, showing how immature she is.

She likes to torment you and make you feel insecure.

She wants to leave you, yet she's stringing you along, probably till she finds someone who could pay her more.

It's not hard to tell a story over the internet, we had enough airheads presenting their life in far less words than you did. The only sympathy you got was from people projecting their (different) stories onto yours. Your relationship stinks, man.

*someone without real life experience*