Mixed Emotions

Your hateful, ungreatful mother in-law drives off a cliff in your brand new mercedes SLR... mixed emotions. happy your mother in-laws gone, sad she took your car with her.

Mixed emotions, happy my scorp admitted his undying sadness for leaving me tomorrow for boot camp... upset that i know the exact time and now i find myself watching the mins roll by past the clock hands like seconds.

Happy that our last moments spent together were of us laughing that my (older) sister had the entire disney princess collection on her playlist... sad that i had to leave early the next morning for work.

Happy i said everything i needed to say right before he went to bed and heard his voice say he'd miss me a thousand times! Sad that i probably just said all the things you dont say when someone is going off to boot camp. i think i opened my mouth and put both feet back in.

Why is it that i always have mixed emotions, i went onto some site and found out my entire planetary chart, and came up to the conclusion that im a complete mess. grounded taurus piece, to much aries, side notes of scorp, misc sag, and a gemini moment. confused.

pb: i know how you feel! you know we're boat bodies🙂 i'm emotional roller coaster myself. i'm an aries with a moon sign in scorp. so, you can image that i got the "best" of both worlds. try to look at the better side of things and now you know how he feels about you. now, you'll just have to survive for the next few months to really know how he feels. i'm sure by the end of this time you'll probably be certifably insane🙂 are there things that you can do to keep your mind from this distructive thought pattern?

lolz, boat buddy! o god distructive thoughts... wanna hear something ironic. so besides the fact that he was the most wonderful person this entire week and left... this morning directly to NC, i had lost my cell phone yesturday all with all of his messages... luckily today some good person found it, called me and i got it back (yay!).

and hey at least you have something in common with ur scorp when it comes charting wise. i heard somewhere in this site about its the trinity that makes the relationship run and easier course, but since the moon and the sun tend to take charge a majority of the time, at least u can relate on the scorp level.. we're so off on sun and moon, we're not even on the same planet!... and yes i will be going nuts for the next 3 months ...shoot me.

Him Me
Sun - libra/scorp....Aries/Taurus
Moon - pisces....Aries
Rising - Sagittarius..... Pisces
Venus - Virgo.....Aries

hey, it was meant for you to have his text messages!!! usually, people don't get their phones back. it's a good omen!!!
well, there is only as much as you can go by the signs and charts🙂 there are some aries qualities that totally don't apply to me personally. so, far when i'm together with my scorp we click really well. sometimes it feels so right that it's weird! lately, it feels like he's reading my mind and i say things that he's about to say. when i don't hear from my scorp a day i start really missing him. scares me. i wish he was coming to my place tonight just to be there. doesn't it feel weird when he's there and you don't want him to leave. usually, i want my guys out since i'm kind of territorial🙂
so, are you getting a new hobby to occupy your mind or getting more work or what other things you're going to do?

btw: did you read krysrenee7 post on scorp board about scorps? i really liked it. maybe it'll help you

yea i just read her post, fairly useful. What i found most interesting was p-angels response on her aries post....kinda manipulative if you ask me. tho very ture on a lot of notes. Eh to occupy my time i've decided.... yea i got nothing. only thing i've done so far thats fairly productive is read the book 'b1tch.. in praise of difficult women'. That and on my only day off i decided to stay infront of the tv. I've gone and done the online shopping and construction work on my walk-in closet. even tho it sounds fairly busy... i consider that a normal day.

and yes garfield humping is great, but not if you miss someone else. i mean he kinda gave me the option to do what i want... with an undertone of 'u better not', but the only other person i've had a thing for doesnt live here. granted very cute, flirty and definately hilariously fun, but he seems to still lack something the scorp has. call me old fashioned, but good things come to those who wait.

and ariesgirl, yea i definately never want my scorp to leave. lucky for me anytime we've ever hungout it's lasted at least 8 hrs. typically we'll go out, play pool, movie, food, or anything for down time and then i'll sleep over his place or vice versa. either way it usuaully lasts to the next day and sometimes longer. my scorp has huge arms sometimes when we've cuddling its hard to get out of them. this one time he fell asleep and i had to go to the bathroom... it was the most difficult thing to get out of.

you should definately get yourself something to do!!! don't you have love/hate thing going with scorps holding you at night🙂

lolz yea dam those inner demons, like really i do have a lot to do, but shit... im an ARIES! is there ever such thing as enough?? like honestly im so used to multitasking and having so many things to do, that litterally it makes it difficult not to concentrate on something else and still revert back to this. if i could forget he was gone and left me with that ever growing 'what if' question... life would be good. but no scorps leave things open. kinda like a trap, u leave the cage open to give them the freedom of leaving and thinking that they can and then WAM! trap door falls and ur locked inside.... FOREVER! honestly maybe i am a masocist... cuz sometimes i wonder if any of it is healthy.

yes, the inner demons🙂 i know them well. with me it was always work 1st then personal later. nowdays, if my personal isn't working then my work is going absolutely nowhere. i'm more into relationships than i've ever been. not knowing that "what if" is the worst thing in the world. i just want to feel secure and now. it's not that i want to have tight hold on him i just want to know what's going on even if i understand that it might be too soon. sometimes i feel like he really is into me but sometimes when he's not around and i don't hear from him for a day or two it makes me wonder. and they say that scorps are total control freaks and jealous and possesive but their behaviour is like they don't ask if you see other people and they don't tell you if they see someone. also, what would he do if you'd just start dating someone else or just get a lover or two? yes, i feel the "masocist" behaviour. sometimes, i wonder why can't i be like other women and date like 5 guys at a time. i'm not even an official relationship or don't even know if there is a possability of one and i don't want to go out with other guys. it just feels right when we're together and he doesn't annoy me (you know us aries can get annoyed with our guys🙂) so, don't know what to make out of it. so, now we're boat masocist boddyes as well🙂

yes i to have been putting work above personal life recently. i mean really theres to much to be done and nothing like a paycheck to make me smile. i cant say im into relationships more these days, i got out of an extreme one with the ending of this past year, so im kinda on the half n half boat. i do see the 'secure' need is definately going around, i cant say i feel very secure with a lot of things besides work (i.e. why i love my job). i feel like nothings really secure, like i kno the relationship between my scorp and i, is fairly secure, but at the same time yea what if i dated someone!? then what of it? would it matter? would he say anything? and if your scorp like i kno mine... even if nothing comes or is said about it right now... it'll come back to bite you in the bum later! and thats exactly the point, they wont tell you, you will probably never kno until much later when ur casualy hanging out with friends and then u question it and its like 'o yea that was a while ago'... and the best part is.... 'well we werent dating'. and thats the moment you get up, go around ur chair... pick it up and WACK THEM ACROSS THE HEAD!!!! like god forbid if its the other way around ur ear will be ringing much later, let alone the fact that u werent in a relationship they expect so much of u and give back very little in that retrospect.

and once again sadly i agree... i dont want anyone else, i kno i can get someone else but why? hes adorably loving, stupidily cute, a wonder with words when i least expect it and does exactly what u want when u finally come to the conclusion that you'd never get it.

yes masocist boat here i come! when there is danger throw me at it! i've come to the point where i think i could probably take on the world compared the emotional abuse i go through... regardless if he realizes it or not... probably not :-P

hey masocist boat buddy🙂 again, i feel your pain literally!!!! all that not knowing. feeling of insecurity crawling in. i think it's scorp's way to be in control of the situation and aries thing about not being in control of situation.
my scorp and i exchanged some weird texts for the past couple days. i wrote him a few days back that i missed him and he wrote back that i was nice. what kind of a response is that— the next day he writes me asking me how much i missed him so, i responded that he was nice. then i reminded him that he forgot something at my place and he can pick it up any time. no response back. wtf— right?

i say hang his crap outside ur window! i've learned never say u missed them... it only adds to their ego. refuse being anything like a female. not like anything, more like no 'i miss u', or 'i've been thinking about u, do u think of me', none of that 'hey ur so cute'. yea screw that, just be... casual about everything like. 'hey my arm got choped off'...'hmm that sucks'... or like 'omg the worlds gonna end!!!'...'yea i still have my hair appointment at 5... so can i get a rain check?'. and yea i agree i think thats how they control every situation. i mean when ur chasing him (which we tend to do), hes all like 'eh whatever'. but when u could give to shits thats when they show up and ask 'omg are u mad at me!? why arent u talking to me!? NOOOOOOOO DONT GO AWAY'. like i always say 'whos the b1tch now!?'

great!!! i wish i read your post 2 minutes ago. i just texted him that i missed him. stupid!!! fine, from now on i'll be not as available. you're right about the whole thing. that's what i get for being a woman - a man with even bigger ego lol
how are you doing today? got some things to keep you busy?

btw: i started a topic on scorp board if it's a good/bad idea to let a scorp know that you like him.

Hey yea im good! and sry i responded so late!

Argh! i kno how u feel i've totally done the 'oh.. crap maybe i should've held back'. Thats how it is with scorps, if u give far to much they run away and we're to implusive not to do that. its not a bad thing to let him kno u like him, its a bad thing to let him kno how MUCH you like him. nothing good comes from expressing ur entire being to a scorp guy, or any guy for that matter. or at least expressing it b4 they're expressed anything to you. you've mentioned who hes all 'nonchalant' about the thing you both have going on... i get the feeling if hes anything like mine hes gonna keep his cool and let u wack out in the corner and kill urself debating if ur txts are gonna work against you. i used to read and re-read my txts 20 times b4 sending them... i ended up always txting him half an hr late til he asked me to go get my cell checked cuz he thinks its broken :-P

hey, i consider all of this as head games and don't want to participate. i'm going to give me a taste of his own game here. from now on i'll be nonchalant. i didn't let him know how much i like him. i just said that i miss him around. i said it before and he was at my place in no time. this past week he's been really jerky about it. it's not that i want to marry him in a month or not even sure at this point if i want to date him seriously. my concern is that i'm getting attached here and knowing me i'll be emotionally devastated (yet again) if nothing will come out. guess, i'm just scared. i have to shake off all that negative thinking and concentrate on the positive no matter what comes out at the end. i'll try to concentrate on fun things we did, jokes, cuddling, talking, sex and etc. all positivity all the time!!! gosh, i feel like a happy person now...uuuuuggggg🙂 scary lol
let's try to do the "positive thing"!!!!

hi phoenixblaze26. just checking in to see how are you doing? any new scorp developments?

awwz hey, i was just about to say 'who brought this entry back to life!?'. haha, yes all is AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL!!!! so far while hes been gone i've gotten 2 letters (its been two weeks), and they've been the most romantic shit i've ever read. i've re-read them at least 8 times and listened to his voicemail a billion times. omg its weird, hes not normally so sweet and hes writting long letters (pages) about how much he misses me and remembers just random moments. im like 'omg how does he remember that', yea im blissfully missing him. but i've been soooo happy reading his letters my sanity is...sane. i donno if its that false sense of security, but im just happy hearing from him. dam evil scorps won my bloody heart!

ps. hows ur scorp doing? any better? any progress or still in the 'confused' zone—? I've seen you've been busy on the scorp board with marchgirl, lolz!