What would you do?

So last 3mths I've been seeing this guy (Pisces sun Scorpio moon) we had 'the chat' a few weeks ago and everything has been going great, until about 2wks ago.

We were supposed to start spending more time together and doing more things together as we've not been able to recently due to kids and work etc. This hasn't happened, still only seeing him once a week and communication levels have dropped quite a bit during the last 2wks

I've told him we need to go out more and do things as a couple he's said we will etc but the last 2 days communication has practically stopped, after early afternoon he's not been responding to msg's. So I msg'd and said its ridiculous and its making me feel like his attention is elsewhere and I'm quite upset by this and the fact he's not actually making any solid plans etc. So I said I'll leave him to it as I'm not going to beg for his attention when it's clearly elsewhere.

His response was to accept it and say that he'll respect my decision. Not one word of I'm sorry that you feel this way, how can we fix this. Just him saying he thinks I'm running because its starting to 'get real' as he put it.

I'm shocked as it was only 3wks ago he told me he's falling in love with me. So I would have thought he would at least want to try explain or even make excuses for the lack of communication and plans.

Was I wrong to tell him I'd give him space, should I have waited it out to see what happens, even though he's been practically ignoring me last 2days—

I can see how it might come across that way, but it was him who actually said he wanted to go out and do things and spend more time together. I've only brought it up recently as this hasn't happened and the one time we did make plans they didn't happen due to his lack of communication and barrage of excuses.
I've always kinda let him take the lead as I don't like to force things or pressure people.

I'm not the kind of person to stay when I'm unhappy, but when I am I try to get things out in the open so they can be dealt with. If I'm not being heard then obviously it's time to move on.

I'm not whiney or demanding, I don't expect him to want me around all the time or be msg'in every 5mins. But a response would be nice and a weekend together now and then is not too much to ask is it?

Well the plan was made, times and places etc all checked and agreed. He was completely on board so not that.

Well the only thing I can thin of is when he said he was falling in love with me I was honest and said I'm almost there, you've got me I'm not going anywhere, I want to be with you and I want this to work. I just need to be feel 100% emotionally secure before I can let go completely, due to a bad break up in the past.

He said he understood, but the last couple of weeks he's clearly pulled back, which hasn't helped me feel secure enough to let go. I understand he's been hurt in the past and has insecurities himself, but this is why I was honest and told him where I was and why.

Idk this may be the reason it may not.

Posted by MadMarchRam
Well the only thing I can thin of is when he said he was falling in love with me I was honest and said I'm almost there, you've got me I'm not going anywhere, I want to be with you and I want this to work. I just need to be feel 100% emotionally secure before I can let go completely, due to a bad break up in the past.

eh, this would have done it for me. If I told a guy that I was falling for him and instead of him saying the same, he gave me the laundry list you gave him, id back way up. Almost there means you dont feel the same way. To him you came off unsure, wishy washy, still hanging onto an ex, and you just didnt feel the same way. However, there was noting wrong with you being honest

so he fell back.

that "im almost there" was the ONLY thing he heard. The rest was yadda yadda yadda I.e. rejection

Omg stupid Pisces dudes and their fucking immature mind games.

That's all this stupid garbage is- mind games. They love to fuck around with people to see what kind of reactions that they get.

What you described sounds like he could be doing the same. He claims these feelings, you said your piece in regard to that, and now he's fucking around to see if he can get you to chase him and feel desired and whatnot.

I went through this recently with my Pisces friend who'd been crushing. I'm not new to Pisces men and their blatant mind games, so I saw everything that was happening in the last year or two with his mood swings, shit ass treatment of my feelings, and so on. The mood swings had become more frequent in the 6 mos prior to things getting ridiculous back in Feb.

Starting at the end of Feb/early March, he started becoming incredibly flaky, bullshit excuses as to why he couldn't hang out, etc. I knew exactly what he was doing. I've seen him do it to others so it was no mystery what he was doing to me. At this point, I'd had it. I never had given in to his crap in the past and I'm not sure how much that settled with him considering I never played into his emotional manipulation. His convos became short and disinterested, he started ignoring all my stuff via social media (used to be all over that shit), etc. Just the little shit that told me what was going on big picture.

That said, I stopped trying to make plans and was not going to constantly be the one initiating, trying to keep things going while he was just being fucking stupid about everything. My mom died recently and I've been picking up the pieces since. Like hell I'm going to keep this bullshit around. I've seen him a grand total of ONE time since the beginning of March.

Anyway, totally can relate to your situation and I call bs on his behavior. You call him out on it and he's going to play dumb, divert blame to you, and make you think you're crazy for expecting some sort of decency.

If you want, maybe address this more clearly one more time, but honestly, leave him alone and see what happens. You're at the golden mark of new relationships (3 mos), so you're starting to see what you'll REALLY be getting long term.

@rocky I agree with what you've said as that's exactly what he's done in my eyes. Left it for 2days and he got in touch. I went round and explained myself very clearly. I listened to what he had to say and called him on his bs. Everything got ironed out, as much as it could be.

He now knows he's got to patient and things need to change or I'm gone.

Posted by DMV

Posted by MadMarchRam
Well the only thing I can thin of is when he said he was falling in love with me I was honest and said I'm almost there, you've got me I'm not going anywhere, I want to be with you and I want this to work. I just need to be feel 100% emotionally secure before I can let go completely, due to a bad break up in the past.

eh, this would have done it for me. If I told a guy that I was falling for him and instead of him saying the same, he gave me the laundry list you gave him, id back way up. Almost there means you dont feel the same way. To him you came off unsure, wishy washy, still hanging onto an ex, and you just didnt feel the same way. However, there was noting wrong with you being honest

so he fell back.

that "im almost there" was the ONLY thing he heard. The rest was yadda yadda yadda I.e. rejection

click to expand

I completely understand where you're coming from as it takes guts to spill like that emotionally. I just didn't want to lie to him and say it back when I wasn't ready.

We've since had a long talk and discussion and he's admitted that he pulled back emotionally because of my response. Which as far as I'm concerned is emotional bullying and will have me running instead of chasing.

So he has agreed to beore patient with me and I've agreed to let my guard down a little bit more. The bottom line is we both want to be together and want it to progress so we have to meet in the middle.

Thank you for your response, I appreciate how franj and honest you are.

Frank* damn phone 🙈

Geez!

Sounds really like me some of it!
I hold back till I know 100% sure I'm in deep, because I can't lie like that just saying ''yeah, falling for you too, love you too, feeling this etc'' without it being so incredibly heartfelt. And I have always felt dubious about those who can, they must mistake love for a crush.

But I would say something like I am determined abt us, I know this is what I want just give me time etc.
Because to me that means YES I am devoted to this but need my time to open up, because I don't do things half-hearted. And we know when we feel we want it, usuallly the head first (feels like it) with thoughts, obsession, then emotions..then a sucker puppy :p

Other ppl think that this is some sort of rejection, when in fact it is a declaration of ur heart, just preparing it and nurturing deep feelings..
And we DO give alot back, we have alot to offer and is not cheap in giving love, affection, support or material stuff. Making our loved ones happy is something we often thrive on, without any motives.
Despite what one would think about the ''selfish , direct and aggressive'' ram we are made up to be.
It's just that we really really mean it when we say stuff like that.

And then when they push for you to open up, nagging about how u feel abt them and yada yada yada...when u finally do..eventually they change..
Leaving the feeling : oh so it's just a game to see if they could get us to that stage? Because often right before we fall, we get obsessed sometimes,
of course hiding this behind our pride, and at that stage we start expecting the same amount of attention or appreciation.
But our pride has a hard time dealing with someone who is ALL IN romantically, forcing us to open up then to just meh..let us down..
We relly do hold out for that prince charming, that will counquer any obstacle by our side, but unfortunately if a aries girl is older than 20, she usually know that words and promises means so little, till it's proven, and she has probably heard all of them..
and that is why we take our time.

It seems like he's playing games......

@ bexi you are totally right there. I'm 36 and don't use empty words as I think it's a cruel thing to do, to play with someone's emotions. I hope he's heard me and understands that I'm not messing about and want it to work.

@march19 his bday is march 12th his merc and venus are both in aqua and Mars in gem if that helps.

Posted by March19

Posted by March19
OK I see the problem tell him to quit holding his feelings in needs to express them more.

third decan pisces men are know for holding their feelings and when that happens he'll get lazy and become depressed I've seen it happen

click to expand

Oh ok, well I shall keep that mind, as the laziness has already started.

I'm sorry he's such a piece of shit. Him telling you to "accept it" is disgusting. He should have been man enough to explain to you why he's so distant. Men love to comes into women's lives, chase us down and manipulate us into believing they're good people with genuine intentions, only to turn out to be abusive, insensitive, and self-serving. Men make it so difficult to be I'm relationships with them then bitch and complain that we're "emotional".

I would tread very carefully or just walk away right now.

This to me is not starting off on the right foot. I bet you he feels like youre the only playing games and you feel like he is trying to emotionally bully you. I.e. playing games.

I think he has emotionally left the bond you were building. He may say to your face that youre good and lets move forward, but scorps moons have a hard time trusting once weve been initally shut down. You may just have entered, im just going to play around with her phase. But you will never know it. We wont tell you. Its like instinct to us to remember the past.

personally speaking for me, I only have to touch the stove one time to know its hot. I will just start telling the other person whatever they want to her and just play till I dont want to play nemore.

I have to really really like you and be very obsessed to keep touching a stove in hopes that I dont burn. I have to believe to my core that you wont play a game with me nemore. It has to be genuine. And so, here come the tests.

Also no offense but, if youre still dealing with a bad break up from the past, how is that fair to him? He has to break down this wall that you have up that he didnt build.

now he has to do all this extra work to get you to be more comfortable. How is that fair? For him, all you had to do was be you and it worked for him.

I would work on your past breakup by yourself and not through someone else.

If you dont, youre going to have this issue again.

Posted by KaptainKhaos
I'm sorry he's such a piece of shit. Him telling you to "accept it" is disgusting. He should have been man enough to explain to you why he's so distant. Men love to comes into women's lives, chase us down and manipulate us into believing they're good people with genuine intentions, only to turn out to be abusive, insensitive, and self-serving. Men make it so difficult to be I'm relationships with them then bitch and complain that we're "emotional".

Blame the fact that they're likely raised spoiled asses by their moms. I'm learning that guys who were coddled as fucks by their moms turn out like this later in life.

The ones raised with any sort of decency and not spoiled little shits don't go around doing this.

Posted by DMV
Also no offense but, if youre still dealing with a bad break up from the past, how is that fair to him? He has to break down this wall that you have up that he didnt build.

now he has to do all this extra work to get you to be more comfortable. How is that fair? For him, all you had to do was be you and it worked for him.

I would work on your past breakup by yourself and not through so asmeone else.

If you dont, youre going to have this issue again.

Thanks for your input

I'm healed from that last relationship, 6yrs ago. I just have a hard time completely letting go unless I'm 100% emotionally secure. He, however only split from his ex in January, so maybe he's the on that hasn't healed and isn't being fair with me.

He's already playing games he just thinks I'm unaware. I've told him what needs to happen for things to get better, if nothing changes over next 2wks then I will be ending things as I'm not prepared to play silly games. If he cares he will show me that he heard me, if not he will show me nothing new.

Posted by feby
I know these games well. This is what I have done and would do. I would be around and continue with him but ignore the bullshit. I've noticed with some people, the more energy and attention you give their bad behavior, the more they act that way.

Then if it doesn't stop just nip it in the bud with one big production so it's clear.

This is most definitely what will happen.

He's acting like we're fwb, but labeling us bf and gf. We don't go out or do anything and haven't met each others friends or family. He has 2wks to change this.