What's on his mind?

I met this Aries online. Things were slow with him because he didn't reply often, we were messaging each other about every 3-5 days and mostly long messages about what we do for a living and weekend plans. He eventually asked for my number but didn't contact until couple days later. Since we've been texting on the phone we've seen each other about 6-8 times since mid October. We went ice skating the first time, then watched the world series together. He was calling me about 2-3 times a week and we have been texting at least 4 texts from each other every day since we got each other's number. He recently moved to my city and the calls have ceased but we saw each other more on weekday nights. He asked me to go over when he was still moving in and introduced me to his housemates (a couple) and I've been over twice now since he settled into his new place. Last Saturday he invited me to a dinner for his housemate's birthday where there were some people he knew but some he didn't...to me it was a good sign because he obviously has a close relationship with his housemates and he's asked me to go over several times either to eat or just hang out with his housemates. When I checked last week he had not been active on the dating site for about a month (which is about how long we've been seeing each other after the first date)

This week I saw him on Tuesday but to me it was strange that he never asked about my Thanksgiving plans. He did ask me on Thursday but didn't reply much on text because he said he was unpacking all day on Thanksgiving day. Since one of the housemates works at a department store, I "visited" her when she was working on Black Friday. She was nice enough to invite me home for dinner wit her. I thought I should turn down the invitation because the person I'm seeing didn't invite me over, and I didn't want to show up uninvited at his house. I thought I was respecting his privacy and the third housemate's privacy. However, when he found out that I turned down the invitation he got angry and texted me saying I was acting like a girl, not like a woman.

In my text to turn down the invitaion I said since the other two guys in the house were not expecting guests that night I will pass on the invitation. I jokingly said I didn't want to be a stalker, etc...

According to him I sounded like I was looking for reassurance to go over, and he thought only girls do that, women don't. And he's done dating girls.

I texted back explaining the situation

I texted back explaining the situation and asked "can we talk when you have time" which he has not responded. This morning I found out he's back online again.

Can someone comment on the situation? Am I overthinking or crazy for turning down the invitation? SHould I try to explain myself? I somehow feel like it's weird that he didn't ask to see me at all this long weekend is a sign that he's not interested and now he's just using any lame excuse to not see me...but why bother when he could just cut all ties and not ask to see me? He didn't need to find an excuse to do that...

This just sounds weird and I do not know why

Im not an aries, but I would have put myself as a maybe until I talked to him first. Makes total sense that you didn't want to show up unannounced. Especially since he doesnt live alone.

So since my last text to him around 8pm last night was "can we talk when you have time?" And he hasn't replied...should I call him and explain my logic?

My sister is saying I should just leave it completely and she has some point since I already left the ball in his court. However, I feel like if he cares so much about this girl vs woman thing then NOT calling and NOT explaining myself calmly could be a childish behavior too.

If you wanna call, call. But dont beg or try to convince him. Explain, here what he has to say and go from there.

*hear*

If he doesn't pick up, leave a message that you want to talk about the dinner invite. If he calls back, proceed. If he doesn't, then u go back to the dating website and start dating.

Sorry about the confusion... The person who invited me was the girl the housemate of the guy I'm seeing. He found out the invitation and said based on the texts I sent her to turn down the invitation, he thought I was a girl not a woman. My texts said " since D and K weren't expecting guests I will pass this time"

k is the person I've been seeing.

So nobody on the lease invited you? Your response is still correct. You dont show up unannounced unless the other person gives you the ok.

Unless he thinks this is college or something. In that case everyone shows up whenever, and its a party.

Three people are on the lease. Me is the girl who works at the store who invited me. K is the person in seeing. D is M's boyfriend. They're all on the lease

Well shit, im all the way confused. Eh, go date someone else.

Basically all three ppl are on the lease. The girl housemate asked me to go over for dinner. I turned down the offer thinking if the guy I'm seeing didn't ask me I prob shouldn't show up. The guy I'm dating ended up saying my turning Down the invitation is another sign that I'm looking for reassurance to go over

Last time we had a misunderstanding he pretty quickly apologized and said we should talk. Called the next day several times after I missed the first call. I didn't feel like replying his texts but I answered his calls. I feel like when the situation is the other way around he should at least give me the chance to talk too. I haven't made a move yet so yesterday was the first day since we started talking in mid October that we had no communication at all.

I don't know if he's even aware or even misses me...

What if he doesn't pick up when I call? Should I leave a lengthy voice message? Or keep calling till he answers? I don't want to be perceived as a crazy clingy person, just want a chance to explain that he shouldn't assume using texts out of context.

Is it really a good idea to talk about the fact that he went back online? We never had the talk yet... We also never talked about each others' online experience because things went very smoothly since we saw each other in person the first time. It never felt like an online thing ever since we met in person and I knew he was still active the first couple weeks after our first date and I was ok with it since it was so new

Do I need to say anything about how I feel about him? Or leave all romantic emotions out? I will need to control myself or i might say things like I really like you and want things to work out but it might not be the best timing for these

DO NOT CALL/MESSAGE/TEXT (repeat x 100)!!!

Sola what's your reasoning for not calling? I feel like not explaining myself could be perceived as immature too. Not to mention it is very frustrating because I feel misunderstood

So we talked. Apparently he has been under the weather since yesterday and has been sleeping most of the time today. I know it takes only 2 seconds to text me back and he chose not to do it but I could understand that because he wasn't happy with my turning down the invitation. We chit chatted about random things and then I eventually said I wanted to clarify what happened. After I explained, he said to him the incident was very similar to other occasions when he would ask me to go over (one time when he was bbqing with housemate, one time just to hang out)and I would either take a long time to decide or ask for reassurance. I did hold my ground and said my concern was that the person that was cooking wasn't aware of an extra person, since the gf who invited me didn't take her phone out to notify the bf who was making dinner, there was no way for me to know that the bf was notified. I am pretty sure I got my point across, that is, that I didn't know the bf was notified, so it made total sense to turn down the invitation so that I wouldn't show up unannounced.

He didn't officially say ok he understood my point of view, but he did joke and said "so next time you'll come over when you're invited?" We also spent another 20 min or so talking about random things after the serious conversation was over.

I'm not going to keep checking to see if he's active or not. Going to try to keep it light and try not to invest until when he wants to take things to the next level... although it seems to be the hardest thing for me and most girls.

Wait, I actually agree with the Aries guy. You initially said that you declined because Aries didnt know. Now you say you were worried about enough food.

hes right, next time dont make a fuss and just go.

My advice would be to steer clear of this prick in all its forms. It just (to me) screams like hes not interested, and I would rather encourage you to keep your dignity and peace of mind and just leave him to it. You sound like a sweet soul, too good for this idiot!

So should I stop contacting him now that we are back on speaking terms? He said he was down with a cold/ flu since Saturday. Last night during our call he took NyQuil and was coughing here and there... should I leave him alone just to see if he will contact me? He's not stupid he will know if I am so obviously playing games I think

Posted by Ang
So should I stop contacting him now that we are back on speaking terms? He said he was down with a cold/ flu since Saturday. Last night during our call he took NyQuil and was coughing here and there... should I leave him alone just to see if he will contact me? He's not stupid he will know if I am so obviously playing games I think

You could just check on how he is doing knowing he is ill, why discontinue contact if you sorted it out

I would go eyes wide open into this one if you continue seeking a relationship

Posted by feby
Sounds like he wasn't that into you and found an excuse to cause a problem and disappear. That was my impression.
If I'm wrong then I'd still say to ignore him. You texted him, he didn't reply. You don't need to explain yourself. And lol he's back on the dating site. Be happy he's exposing himself to you now.

+1000..you shouldn't have to feel like you're tip toeing around a butt wipe who seems as though he was just looking for an excuse anyway. Really? So he got bent all out of shape because you were trying to be respectful and not invade his privacy? I say fuq'em..feed'em fish!! Don't nobody have time for "GUESSING WHAT KINDA DAYUM MOOD I'M IN TODAY" games. Move on..you can do better. Just like @feby said..No explanation needed. At least you found out that he was a freakin whiney azz toddler before you invested too much time into him...especially if you're not ready to be a baby sitter. And he's calling you a girl instead of a women? I think he needs to take a long look in the mirror and determine who's really acting like a child.

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by Ang
So should I stop contacting him now that we are back on speaking terms? He said he was down with a cold/ flu since Saturday. Last night during our call he took NyQuil and was coughing here and there... should I leave him alone just to see if he will contact me? He's not stupid he will know if I am so obviously playing games I think

Don't listen to the Libra.

Just go with the flow. Don't stop contacting him after this! He WILL see it as playing games. And you'll get the "I don't date girls anymore" speech from him.

click to expand

No..Listen to the Libra!!
Playing games— He's the one playing immature childish games! Why in the heck should she contact a lame buttwipe that called her a girl just because he wasn't considerate enough to invite her to the dinner first? Who does that? Oh, let me guess..A selfish, self centered, whining punk bytch of a man Aries. JSMDH
😢

I can see why some people think he's immature when some people think I should just explain my place.

Yesterday on the phone he said he called me a girl because turning down the invitation fit one of the few times when he would ask me to go over but I would either take a long time to decide or sweat over little details. Here are the past incidents:

1) he called around dinner time saying he and his housemates will be grilling dinner around 9 so I could join them for a late dinner. I said yes I will go but when 9pm rolled around I was too tired. I ended up talking to him on the phone about whther to go over or not for over 30min. Ended up not going because I was tired, I felt really bad because I didn't keep my words and somehow had a hard time telling him straight up that I was just tired and didn't want to go.

2) He asked me to go over to hang out (he recently moved to 1mile from my house and still had boxes to unpack as of last week)around 8pm but said it would just be netflix. I didn't think he wanted to ask me as a booty call because so far he's been respectful physically. Before this particular incident, I have fallen asleep at his place twice after hanging out and he never tried to do anything with me. I was on a call for school and that got delayed so I didn't end up going over until almost an hour after I said I was going over. When my school work was over, I somehow wanted to "warn" him I was going to show up in my pajama and glasses. He said it was fine, he was chatting with his housemates and they were all in pj too. I guess I wasn't prepared to see his housemates and didn't want them to see me in my pj so it took a couple texts back and forth before I went over.

I could see why he concluded I wanted reassurance because at least in the second incident I really wanted reassurance. However, I feel like as a girl it's normal to want reassurance.

I told him on the phone last night that my two main reasons for turning down: first was bc the person cooking didn't know I was going over, second my friends wanted me to hang out with them. He then said, oh I guess your friends were the real reason why you turned it down...which was true because I couldn't just leave my friends to go to his house for dinner. It's true that I wasn't direct enough.

I checked in on him once today via text at 4ish, asking if Nyquill is helping him feel better. He said he's feeling a bit better but going back to bed. His exact texts: "a little better...but go

I am an Aries myself but feel like maybe my understanding of Aries isn't very good. My impression is Aries is usually straightforward and upfront, no mind games and usually don't try to mislead you. I haven't heard from him at all today and he was the last to text yesterday. Before the invitation incident he often is the last one to text and the next day afternoon I would text him. Perhaps the best thing to do now is to not initiate anything? I don't want to mislead him into thinking I'm playing games but I need a sign that he's interested still...

I hope that's the case too but he's currently unemployed so I don't want to sugarcoat things. I mean, how many hours can a person sleep a day and a text takes 2 seconds.

Sorry I'm just bummed...

Posted by Ang
I hope that's the case too but he's currently unemployed so I don't want to sugarcoat things. I mean, how many hours can a person sleep a day and a text takes 2 seconds.

Sorry I'm just bummed...

Honestly from your description I would not be 'bummed', I would just walk. If he wants you he will make contact again and if not no more of your time is wasted. He has the time to be online but can't text, call or make an effort toward dating. Also he is not working so where is this time going outside of illness...just sounds like a mountain of excuses to loss contact.

Still from my original post, there seems to be either more to the story and I'm not sure you want the novel it will produce.

I understand the logic behind no contact... But here I am, obviously interested but deliberately not contacting him... I'm sure he senses something's off too. I just don't know if this whole no contact thing is going to be perceived as playing games. Nobody likes to hang with someone that's obviously playing games, even if I like a guy if I know that he's deliberately playing games I wouldn't want to hang out with him either.
Don't know if this is just going to push him away...

No worries, thanks for anyone who cares to share their opinion. I appreciate the support and advice.

He could still be interested but the least I can say is, he is definitely not head over heels. Probably just like me, because if I was completely head over heels I would not have been able to not text him for almost 2 days...it's just hard to get used to how a little over a week ago he was inviting me to have dinner with his housemates and other people he doesn't even know.

I think regardless he will probably be wondering what's going on with me, and if I can hold my ground and not text, I'll at least have the upper hand? or feel like I have the upper hand?

So after two days of no contact I sent him a text. The two days afterwards he kept in touch (said he was still feeling constantly tired from the cold, but took average 4-5 hours to reply. However, his texts were long and there were smileys and he even said he will show me how to install windshield wipers... Last Saturday after my last text he didn't say anything until Tuesday (after his skype interview I assume) he sent a reply and asked how I've been doing. I was pretty heart broken over the weekend because I heard nothing from him. But when I finally got back on my feet he sent me a text on Tuesday. I decided not to reply and then today he sent another one asking of I'm upset at him. I still haven't replied.

I don't really know at this point if he's still interested or he's just trying to strong me along... I said to myself I need him to pick up the phone and talk to me but if he does call, how should I explain why I haven't replied?

I guess I'm hoping to get a call from him. I don't think text is the best way to communicate but what if he doesn't call ever?

If I had to text him I don't know how to not sound upset. I just want him to know I don't like that he went from consistent texting and call every other day to one text every 3 days...

What's the best way to approach him now that he's asking if I'm upset? Pretend nothing's wrong?

Hope you don't take offense, but it's obvious that you are a wishy washy person on the outside, deeply interested on the inside, while he is ALSO wishy washy on the outside and who knows what he's feeling inside. I'm the same as you that way but I don't waste time thinking about how to act or what to think. I would stick with guys who are obviously interested and see where it goes. Otherwise to the left!! There are so many other guys you could be dating.

Why don't you just call him and suggest somwhere you guys can go and have fun. Skip over asking what's wrong. If he doesn't answer or respond for more than a day, delete his number for good.

He called at midnight on Wednesday and we talked for two hours. The first thing he asked was how come I did to text back. He didn't push too hard for the answer so we ended up catching up. Apparently the entire two hours he stood outside of his apartment because there's almost no reception in his place. He said his housemates and him got a new couch and tv. He asked for me to go over. He said on Sunday he's doing some things with his friends but I could join too. Would it sound too desperate to show up both days?