ashley1734
@ashley1734
10 Years1,000+ PostsGemini
Comments: 1 · Posts: 1596 · Topics: 40
"Just because I have concerns, doesn't mean I don't want to be with you forever"
Posted by ashley1734Hey girl I remember you. How's it going?
My Aries I've been seeing for about 6 months (a little on and off in the beginning) said this to me last night and I have no idea how to take it.
He has me meeting his family, tells me he loves me, has been hesitant to put a title on things which is fine with me, I don't require a label on our relationship, but I do wonder if that means anything for him that he isn't keen on it...anyway he says all these things but then still has concerns about us I guess because things were a bit rocky in the beginning as we got to know each other's communication style s, which we eventually figured out and adapted to.
Now he says he has concerns and I take that as him not being sure about me/us, but then why does he continue having me meet his family and acting like there's a future?
Sharing the one has concerns is a good thing. It means that he wants to address them because he wants to come to an understanding. He wouldn't do that if this relationship meant nothing to him. He would just ignore the concerns and end it. I think you should take him saying that he has concerns as that number one desire that women have for their men to be honest them. Now that he's been open with you, I think it's up to you to honor him by being open and receiving to what he has to say. 🙂
Posted by LillyPetalThat's good advice. Should I just ask him what his concerns are?
Sharing the one has concerns is a good thing. It means that he wants to address them because he wants to come to an understanding. He wouldn't do that if this relationship meant nothing to him. He would just ignore the concerns and end it. I think you should take him saying that he has concerns as that number one desire that women have for their men to be honest them. Now that he's been open with you, I think it's up to you to honor him by being open and receiving to what he has to say. 🙂
Posted by BuffaloBills28I disagree. I believe in a more proactive approach to a relationship. It takes work, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think that since he aired that he even has concerns, it's worth addressing.
"concerns" go out the window, when the love is strong.
Posted by ashley1734Absolutely. But I would do it face to face. For example, maybe go out to dinner and then calmly bring it up. That's the biggest thing, it MUST be face-to-face, and you MUST not take a defensive stance (which is a natural way to be if you feel hurt.)Posted by LillyPetalThat's good advice. Should I just ask him what his concerns are?
Sharing the one has concerns is a good thing. It means that he wants to address them because he wants to come to an understanding. He wouldn't do that if this relationship meant nothing to him. He would just ignore the concerns and end it. I think you should take him saying that he has concerns as that number one desire that women have for their men to be honest them. Now that he's been open with you, I think it's up to you to honor him by being open and receiving to what he has to say. 🙂
click to expand
Posted by LillyPetalYes, I'm definitely feeling a bit defensive and confused.Posted by ashley1734Absolutely. But I would do it face to face. For example, maybe go out to dinner and then calmly bring it up. That's the biggest thing, it MUST be face-to-face, and you MUST not take a defensive stance (which is a natural way to be if you feel hurt.)Posted by LillyPetalThat's good advice. Should I just ask him what his concerns are?
Sharing the one has concerns is a good thing. It means that he wants to address them because he wants to come to an understanding. He wouldn't do that if this relationship meant nothing to him. He would just ignore the concerns and end it. I think you should take him saying that he has concerns as that number one desire that women have for their men to be honest them. Now that he's been open with you, I think it's up to you to honor him by being open and receiving to what he has to say. 🙂
click to expand
What are the concerns though?
Posted by PootyButtHe has never had a serious relationship, so I'm not entirely sure he even knows which of the above he believes in as far as relationships go. My guess is that his concerns stem from our beginning when we just had such a hard time understanding each other. I kept wanting to jump ship even though I really loved him because we just weren't getting each other (communication-wise). So I'm sure he is still concerned about how well we could get along. It makes sense, I'm just unsure how to proceed maturely and leave my ego out of it.
I think it could mean one of two things. Either he knows for sure that he cares very much for you and WANTS to be with you long-term, but he still has concerns that it might not work out. OR he has every intention of making it work out, because he wants it that much, and he is telling you about his concerns so you can proactively address them together. It kind of depends on if he believes things work themselves out or if he's more the type to diagnose and work on things. I guess he could also be in the middle, thinking a combination of luck and trying will tell.
Posted by BuffaloBills28But when the passion starts to flat line the concerns come back twice as strong and with a vengence.
"concerns" go out the window, when the love is strong.
Posted by LadyNeptuneThis could be partially true. We came back together fast and with a LOT of passion over the last couple weeks, and there were zero issues because we were just kind of floating on a cloud, happy to be back with each other. I think now that we've balanced back onto the ground, the concerns perhaps resurfaced.Posted by BuffaloBills28But when the passion starts to flat line the concerns come back twice as strong and with a vengence.
"concerns" go out the window, when the love is strong.click to expand
I mean you can't stay on that cloud forever I guess. I just wasn't prepared for him to start second guessing things.
If it doesn't get talked about both signs can hold passive tendencies and really not want to but do anyways.
Posted by Librasetting
I think he's scared of losing you just a hunch
He has said that many times. But I'm so in love with him and I try to make sure he knows that. At times I even feel like I'm more the persuer because I know in the past he's felt insecure about things with us, especially with the lack of previous relationships on his part.
what are his other placements?
Posted by ashley1734Don't view it as second guessing things. He wants to air his concerns and make sure you both are on the same page moving forward so that the foundation your building together is strong and withstands the test of time.Posted by LadyNeptuneThis could be partially true. We came back together fast and with a LOT of passion over the last couple weeks, and there were zero issues because we were just kind of floating on a cloud, happy to be back with each other. I think now that we've balanced back onto the ground, the concerns perhaps resurfaced.Posted by BuffaloBills28But when the passion starts to flat line the concerns come back twice as strong and with a vengence.
"concerns" go out the window, when the love is strong.
I mean you can't stay on that cloud forever I guess. I just wasn't prepared for him to start second guessing things.click to expand
This is also your chance to air your own concerns and/or what you need and want from the relationship.
Posted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Rising
Posted by PootyButtyeah I can see that. He's having an internal struggle with himself.Posted by ashley1734LOL!Posted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Rising
I bet his moon and Venus and rising are telling his Aries placements to sit down, shut up, and make sure this is for real before saying too much, but his Aries placements can't. Those are all serious relationship placements, and much more cautious than Aries.click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by PootyButtyeah I can see that. He's having an internal struggle with himself.Posted by ashley1734LOL!Posted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Rising
I bet his moon and Venus and rising are telling his Aries placements to sit down, shut up, and make sure this is for real before saying too much, but his Aries placements can't. Those are all serious relationship placements, and much more cautious than Aries.click to expand
Well shit, how can I help him? Or do I just let him figure it out and try to be gracious and patient. I want him to be happy.
Posted by ashley1734Be all that (gracious and patient) plus communication. If he says he has concerns than let him know you are willing and able to listen to those concerns and work though them with him.Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by PootyButtyeah I can see that. He's having an internal struggle with himself.Posted by ashley1734LOL!Posted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Rising
I bet his moon and Venus and rising are telling his Aries placements to sit down, shut up, and make sure this is for real before saying too much, but his Aries placements can't. Those are all serious relationship placements, and much more cautious than Aries.
Well shit, how can I help him? Or do I just let him figure it out and try to be gracious and patient. I want him to be happy.
click to expand
All anybody wants in a partner is someone whose there for them.
Posted by ashley1734He is a very complex man.... god, he must be sufferingPosted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Risingclick to expand
moon in scorpio like pretend things... you will not know what he is feeling, he will mask it... aries sun and mars will blurt out whatever and provoke you and test you no end...
the main thing is, he has to trust you... that you have morals, you are trustworthy and so on... maybe not telling him, but just behave like this to everyboy (tho, sun aries moon scorpio are soooo self-absorbed, that they take personally everything, even before it happens..... the scorpio moon paranoia is their reality)
be classy
* everybody (not everyboy!) lol
Posted by ashley1734In my opinion, it's all the more reason to have a calm but candid conversation with him. Let him do most of the talking. Realize it's okay for you to not respond right then and there. It's okay to take you're time to think about what he says.Posted by LillyPetalYes, I'm definitely feeling a bit defensive and confused.Posted by ashley1734Absolutely. But I would do it face to face. For example, maybe go out to dinner and then calmly bring it up. That's the biggest thing, it MUST be face-to-face, and you MUST not take a defensive stance (which is a natural way to be if you feel hurt.)Posted by LillyPetalThat's good advice. Should I just ask him what his concerns are?
Sharing the one has concerns is a good thing. It means that he wants to address them because he wants to come to an understanding. He wouldn't do that if this relationship meant nothing to him. He would just ignore the concerns and end it. I think you should take him saying that he has concerns as that number one desire that women have for their men to be honest them. Now that he's been open with you, I think it's up to you to honor him by being open and receiving to what he has to say. 🙂
click to expand
Good luck, keep us updated.
Posted by Pandora101He is extremely complex and as I stated, no previous relationships (he's 33, I'm 31).Posted by ashley1734He is a very complex man.... god, he must be sufferingPosted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Rising
moon in scorpio like pretend things... you will not know what he is feeling, he will mask it... aries sun and mars will blurt out whatever and provoke you and test you no end...
the main thing is, he has to trust you... that you have morals, you are trustworthy and so on... maybe not telling him, but just behave like this to everyboy (tho, sun aries moon scorpio are soooo self-absorbed, that they take personally everything, even before it happens..... the scorpio moon paranoia is their reality)
be classy
click to expand
I think he trusts me, I've gotten no indication otherwise. He is always telling me how lucky he is that he got me, etc. Just as internally confused as he might be, he is also outwardly confusing.
What must he be suffering with?
Posted by Pandora101Also, are any of my placements further adding to this dilemma?Posted by ashley1734He is a very complex man.... god, he must be sufferingPosted by Pandora101Sun, Mercury and Mars in Aries
what are his other placements?
Moon in Scorpio
Venus in Taurus
Taurus Rising
moon in scorpio like pretend things... you will not know what he is feeling, he will mask it... aries sun and mars will blurt out whatever and provoke you and test you no end...
the main thing is, he has to trust you... that you have morals, you are trustworthy and so on... maybe not telling him, but just behave like this to everyboy (tho, sun aries moon scorpio are soooo self-absorbed, that they take personally everything, even before it happens..... the scorpio moon paranoia is their reality)
be classy
click to expand
Sun Gemini, Moon Virgo (blegh), Mercury Taurus, Venus Aries, Mars Gemini, Libra Rising
he is suffering with his paranoias, they may be not real, but for him its real.... so hard to say, what he is feeling
your geminis in your chart may add to this dilemma.... gemini mars will cuddle and flirt with anybody, without thinking of it as flirting (generally, dont take it personally)
which is good to his aries, but for the scorpio and taurus? I am not sure....
Libra rising is flirty as well, but its a good combination with his placements
just be yourself, dont overdo it, dont do anything harsh and let him be.... be kind
your geminis in your chart may add to this dilemma.... gemini mars will cuddle and flirt with anybody, without thinking of it as flirting (generally, dont take it personally)
which is good to his aries, but for the scorpio and taurus? I am not sure....
Libra rising is flirty as well, but its a good combination with his placements
just be yourself, dont overdo it, dont do anything harsh and let him be.... be kind
Posted by LillyPetalI agreePosted by BuffaloBills28I disagree. I believe in a more proactive approach to a relationship. It takes work, and there is nothing wrong with that. I think that since he aired that he even has concerns, it's worth addressing.
"concerns" go out the window, when the love is strong.click to expand
Love isn't always enough in romantic relationships
Posted by ashley1734Yes.Posted by LillyPetalThat's good advice. Should I just ask him what his concerns are?
Sharing the one has concerns is a good thing. It means that he wants to address them because he wants to come to an understanding. He wouldn't do that if this relationship meant nothing to him. He would just ignore the concerns and end it. I think you should take him saying that he has concerns as that number one desire that women have for their men to be honest them. Now that he's been open with you, I think it's up to you to honor him by being open and receiving to what he has to say. 🙂
click to expand
Lol I just realised he's my astro twin, minus the rising
Posted by Ram416Haha really? Would love your insight
Lol I just realised he's my astro twin, minus the rising
He sent some more messages that I don't know how to make sense if anyone wants to/can help:
"I guess I just don't totally understand. Maybe we are on different pages I guess. I thought that we could deal with what we had to"
So I asked him what page he was on and he said "I thought you knew how I felt and that we were moving on from there. I'm sorry I really don't know what to say either. I really just don't understand. I wish I didn't think about our ups and downs, but I really can't help it. That doesn't mean that I don't care about you and don't want to be with you though"
"I told told you my intentions and how I feel...just that there has been so much that has happened with us in the past, that I feel that we have more or less somewhat of a hill to climb. If you ignore what has happened over the past months , I feel like that's overlooking things, and I can't do that. I've been trying to tell you that I want to get over that hill with you though. There's so much of this shakiness and inconsistency...it's hard and pretty confusing"
Now it's not as if someone cheated or lied or was rude or yelled or anything like that, it's just been not entirely stable in the beginning as we got to know each other. But I have no idea what he means by the shakiness and inconsistency because I have been right here reassuring him how much I care about him and want to be with him - I feel that the inconsistency is coming from him. I want to help him/us but I don't know how I'm supposed to do that when he seems so unsure.
"I guess I just don't totally understand. Maybe we are on different pages I guess. I thought that we could deal with what we had to"
So I asked him what page he was on and he said "I thought you knew how I felt and that we were moving on from there. I'm sorry I really don't know what to say either. I really just don't understand. I wish I didn't think about our ups and downs, but I really can't help it. That doesn't mean that I don't care about you and don't want to be with you though"
"I told told you my intentions and how I feel...just that there has been so much that has happened with us in the past, that I feel that we have more or less somewhat of a hill to climb. If you ignore what has happened over the past months , I feel like that's overlooking things, and I can't do that. I've been trying to tell you that I want to get over that hill with you though. There's so much of this shakiness and inconsistency...it's hard and pretty confusing"
Now it's not as if someone cheated or lied or was rude or yelled or anything like that, it's just been not entirely stable in the beginning as we got to know each other. But I have no idea what he means by the shakiness and inconsistency because I have been right here reassuring him how much I care about him and want to be with him - I feel that the inconsistency is coming from him. I want to help him/us but I don't know how I'm supposed to do that when he seems so unsure.
Posted by LuckyLibra979
Though im not an Aries I know how he is feeling. I had this talk with my gf months back and she expressed the sane thing you did. But I told her just because im scared doesn't mean I won't try. Does she piss me off? Yep. Do i mistake her personality for a personal affront? Yep. Will I ever leave her or do I want to be with anybody else? Hell fuccin no. Thaws my heart and soul point blank.
This is his way of trying to express himself to you. Don't sound like he has any plans on leaving you he is just scared. Give him time. If he does leave its because he decided his fears were greater than his love.
That is logical, thank you
Posted by tizianiI can give him time, he should just ask for it...but maybe he is scared I would not be ok to give that to him. I could suggest it for him maybe. I don't want him to think I'm a shrinking violet and will just wait around for him, but I can give him a healthy amount of space for him to realize what he feels.
Sounds like he is buying time by telling you what he thinks you would like to hear. Maybe he has no real idea what he wants to say right now so he needs time. He also sounds vaguely depressed, not in a serious way.
And hi Ashley! Good luck to you both
So I have hardly heard from him this week. He keeps saying he is busy and has hardly had time. He has started conversations over text about us and I keep trying to ask him to just call me when he's free so we can talk about it, but he hasn't.
😢
😢
Posted by ashley1734I feel like he just means that he thinks there may just be some things you'll still need to work through but he is willing to do that because he wants to be with you forever. When aries say things like that, they generally mean it. Very committed once they find a love they truly want.
My Aries I've been seeing for about 6 months (a little on and off in the beginning) said this to me last night and I have no idea how to take it.
He has me meeting his family, tells me he loves me, has been hesitant to put a title on things which is fine with me, I don't require a label on our relationship, but I do wonder if that means anything for him that he isn't keen on it...anyway he says all these things but then still has concerns about us I guess because things were a bit rocky in the beginning as we got to know each other's communication style s, which we eventually figured out and adapted to.
Now he says he has concerns and I take that as him not being sure about me/us, but then why does he continue having me meet his family and acting like there's a future?
I talked to him Friday and he said he didn't know what he needed or wanted so I asked him if he wanted some space and he went back and forth about it several times before deciding we should just get together Tuesday (today) and talk. But he also said he "doesn't want to deal with this anymore" etc. It was a very confusing conversation because he also invited me to his nieces birthday party which was the next day.
I told him of course I would go if he wanted me to and then he said "well, maybe I do need a couple days - but I want to see you."
It was confusing and hurtful but after thinking about it, I really feel like I want someone who is 100% into me and the relationship so Sunday I just asked him to call me and I told him that I loved him and wanted to be with him but it seemed he needed to be alone or just not with me while he's not knowing what he wants and I hope I'm still here when/if he figures it out but I want someone to be all in. He understood, continued to say he was unsure and he can't imagine not having me in his life. And then he said "maybe I'm just not where I need to be for you." I don't know what that meant exactly - I've always told him how proud I am to be with him and that I like him exactly how he is, so I told him that again.
That's all, we hung up and that's that. I'm pretty sad about it but I know I couldn't be with someone who felt so unsure about me.
I told him of course I would go if he wanted me to and then he said "well, maybe I do need a couple days - but I want to see you."
It was confusing and hurtful but after thinking about it, I really feel like I want someone who is 100% into me and the relationship so Sunday I just asked him to call me and I told him that I loved him and wanted to be with him but it seemed he needed to be alone or just not with me while he's not knowing what he wants and I hope I'm still here when/if he figures it out but I want someone to be all in. He understood, continued to say he was unsure and he can't imagine not having me in his life. And then he said "maybe I'm just not where I need to be for you." I don't know what that meant exactly - I've always told him how proud I am to be with him and that I like him exactly how he is, so I told him that again.
That's all, we hung up and that's that. I'm pretty sad about it but I know I couldn't be with someone who felt so unsure about me.
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He has me meeting his family, tells me he loves me, has been hesitant to put a title on things which is fine with me, I don't require a label on our relationship, but I do wonder if that means anything for him that he isn't keen on it...anyway he says all these things but then still has concerns about us I guess because things were a bit rocky in the beginning as we got to know each other's communication style s, which we eventually figured out and adapted to.
Now he says he has concerns and I take that as him not being sure about me/us, but then why does he continue having me meet his family and acting like there's a future?