Sagittarius89
@Sagittarius89
17 Years1,000+ PostsSagittarius
Comments: 1 · Posts: 4899 · Topics: 99
Borerline Personality Disorder and Cancer (Page 2)
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2. Splitting
This is usually the hardest part of BPD for people to understand ( hey I don't even get it myself ) Idealizing and Devaluing. I call it " Black" " White" .
Now most BPD's don't know what " gray area " is. They see people as all good or all bad. Not a mix of good and bad.
This is usually the hardest part of BPD for people to understand ( hey I don't even get it myself ) Idealizing and Devaluing. I call it " Black" " White" .
Now most BPD's don't know what " gray area " is. They see people as all good or all bad. Not a mix of good and bad.
I Hate You Don't Leave Me
2. Stop Walking On Egg Shells
Also all BPD are different and may have mix disorders along with being BPD. So not everyone is the same. But most of the ones I know could agree with the above. If you have anymore questions I'll be willing to answer.
2. Stop Walking On Egg Shells
Also all BPD are different and may have mix disorders along with being BPD. So not everyone is the same. But most of the ones I know could agree with the above. If you have anymore questions I'll be willing to answer.
Posted by cowpuncherPosted by CrabbyTwinsPosted by Sagittarius89
So when is they guy who started this thread coming back? lol
when cowpuncher stops making it about him..
Thus far I've just been trying to make it about having a rational discussion, not a chain of nasty-grams. You either understand that or you don't, I'm perfectly willing to write you off as having anything worthwhile to contribute. Other folks, including the OP, can make up their own mind about your ability to be relevant to an actual discussion of the topic.click to expand
and finally you understand that its not about you......
mission accomplished.....next....
Posted by celebration
Everyone... separate.
*points at you* You in that corner!
*points at you* You in this corner!
TIME OUT CHILDREN
the only thing I can say about this comment is that we are all children of God which has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand......but I really dont care.......
It's funny you know,
I once read in a astrology book that people who have venus in aquarius " Often has a background of an early life where demonstrations of lovingness were missing"
I found that very funny and interesting. I'm sure it's a 50/50 thing but none the less interesting.
So Mr. Cap was?
I once read in a astrology book that people who have venus in aquarius " Often has a background of an early life where demonstrations of lovingness were missing"
I found that very funny and interesting. I'm sure it's a 50/50 thing but none the less interesting.
So Mr. Cap was?
Posted by cowpuncher
Yeah... sure ScorpioFish... the gals getting snarky here are absolutely right. Women *NEVER* have issues or cause problems in a relationship... your ex couldn't possibly have BPD. They know this because they know everything about your situation, they've walked in your shoes, studied your life carefully, and absolutely positively know for a rock solid fact that women NEVER have any problems, emotional instability, or disorders. Just ask 'em... they will be glad to tell ya! 😉
/sarcasm off.
Sorry gals, but there are good reasons why the words "emotional basket case" used together automatically conjure a feminine image in your mind first. Men can have issues... WOMEN can have issues too... knock off the criticism until you know what you are talking about in this situation, or alternatively just go start your own man-hating thread and watch some old episodes of Oprah or something. 🙂
Seriously, that's what makes this thread a hell of a lot more interesting than I thought it would be.
First off, no one is claiming to be an "expert" here, especially me.
However, after 4 years in a relationship with a person, the only thing I didn't know about her was the precise neurological rhythm that her molecular structure had whenever transmitting an emotional response. However, in regard to her daily behavior, I pretty much had a taste of everything she had to offer, from both the great and horrific ends.
Point is, Borderline Personality Disorder is a very real psychological issue that is brought about by a few things. One of them is sexual abuse, which was not the case with her. However, another cause traced by mental health professionals is the absence of genuine emotional bonding within the first 24 months of the child's existence. If that bond does not exist, or exists in a tepid way, the child is much more vulnerable to becoming BPD than a child who is given a genuine emotional bond in this time frame.
Given how cold and austere her parents were with both her and me during the relationship, I am inclined to believe that this is the source of her problem. After all, anyone who has to call her mother "Ma'am" and her father "Sir" even at the age of 24 doesn't inspire much confidence in the arena of endearing warmth. Their entire household always gave me a feeling of coldness, but this might have more to do with the fact that her mother is
Seriously, that's what makes this thread a hell of a lot more interesting than I thought it would be.
First off, no one is claiming to be an "expert" here, especially me.
However, after 4 years in a relationship with a person, the only thing I didn't know about her was the precise neurological rhythm that her molecular structure had whenever transmitting an emotional response. However, in regard to her daily behavior, I pretty much had a taste of everything she had to offer, from both the great and horrific ends.
Point is, Borderline Personality Disorder is a very real psychological issue that is brought about by a few things. One of them is sexual abuse, which was not the case with her. However, another cause traced by mental health professionals is the absence of genuine emotional bonding within the first 24 months of the child's existence. If that bond does not exist, or exists in a tepid way, the child is much more vulnerable to becoming BPD than a child who is given a genuine emotional bond in this time frame.
Given how cold and austere her parents were with both her and me during the relationship, I am inclined to believe that this is the source of her problem. After all, anyone who has to call her mother "Ma'am" and her father "Sir" even at the age of 24 doesn't inspire much confidence in the arena of endearing warmth. Their entire household always gave me a feeling of coldness, but this might have more to do with the fact that her mother is an Aquarius and her father an Aries. Regardless, it's not her fault that her parents were less emotionally receptive with her as a child.
She displayed just about every symptom listed in the DSM IV pertaining to Borderline Personality Disorder, to include her bad habit of pulling out her own eyelashes when she was nervous. This, coupled with the fact that her love for me could transform into contempt at the snap of a finger, was always troubling to deal with. Throw in the fact that she became furious with me for once drifting 20 feet away at a pharmacy in search of stomach medicine, one can certainly understand her incessant fear of abandonment. There are a litany of other experiences and stories, but I won't bore you.
The entire point of this board is to discuss the symptoms of the illness, and to further discuss the personal exposure that other board members have had with it.
First off, no one is claiming to be an "expert" here, especially me.
However, after 4 years in a relationship with a person, the only thing I didn't know about her was the precise neurological rhythm that her molecular structure had whenever transmitting an emotional response. However, in regard to her daily behavior, I pretty much had a taste of everything she had to offer, from both the great and horrific ends.
Point is, Borderline Personality Disorder is a very real psychological issue that is brought about by a few things. One of them is sexual abuse, which was not the case with her. However, another cause traced by mental health professionals is the absence of genuine emotional bonding within the first 24 months of the child's existence. If that bond does not exist, or exists in a tepid way, the child is much more vulnerable to becoming BPD than a child who is given a genuine emotional bond in this time frame.
Given how cold and austere her parents were with both her and me during the relationship, I am inclined to believe that this is the source of her problem. After all, anyone who has to call her mother "Ma'am" and her father "Sir" even at the age of 24 doesn't inspire much confidence in the arena of endearing warmth. Their entire household always gave me a feeling of coldness, but this might have more to do with the fact that her mother is an Aquarius and her father an Aries. Regardless, it's not her fault that her parents were less emotionally receptive with her as a child.
She displayed just about every symptom listed in the DSM IV pertaining to Borderline Personality Disorder, to include her bad habit of pulling out her own eyelashes when she was nervous. This, coupled with the fact that her love for me could transform into contempt at the snap of a finger, was always troubling to deal with. Throw in the fact that she became furious with me for once drifting 20 feet away at a pharmacy in search of stomach medicine, one can certainly understand her incessant fear of abandonment. There are a litany of other experiences and stories, but I won't bore you.
The entire point of this board is to discuss the symptoms of the illness, and to further discuss the personal exposure that other board members have had with it.
Posted by tiki33
I'm not surprised by the reaction, people afflicted with BPD do nothing wrong and feel attacked at the slightest provocation with that being said there are some women and men with BPD that actually do acknowledge the symptoms and behavior and get help to find balance. I believe that article describes the worst kind of behavior in women with BPD. Cancer females and Cancer men are wow LOL
Bingo.
The only difference that I will throw in is that this affects SOME Cancer chicks and dudes, not ALL of them.
Posted by ellessque
I really like this thread. 😄
Thank you.
I almost feel like Dr. Frankenstein after watching his monster go on the rampage.
My only wish right now is to know the signs and decans of the women who are in TOTAL DEFENSE MODE and TOTALLY INCAPABLE of discussing this like adults.
Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
No, a BPD would not leave suddenly, nor is any of the rest that follows any different that any other break-up and the natural feelings one would have about that.
WTF do you know about ANYTHING?
BPDs pull the disappearing and reappearing as "married/engaged/attached after 2 minutes with a perfect stranger" attitude all the damn time.
That is a STAPLE RESPONSE of the BPD's behavior according to the DSM IV.
Slang for BPD is also "I HATE YOU, BUT DON'T LEAVE ME" Disorder.
Posted by celebration
Fwiw I cannot find where Scorpiofish (or anyone else for that matter) said this s/o left him suddenly, nor did Scorpiofish specify further what terms the separation was under. Also I don't think his intent was to villanize this woman, just to seek a way to move on and the search for an answer of why she left. I'm kinda confused how this got so off track tho lol.
Precisely.
The research was for closure, not to get all the BPDs on DXP into a frenzy.
Sheesh.
Posted by ellessquePosted by PurrrrHissss
Dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization are COMPLETELY different from simply "feeling detached". These are defense mechanisms that occur in response to extreme trauma and anxiety. They have nothing to do with astrology.
AND the OP basically said all cancer women had this.click to expand
I hardly think so, Elle.
Posted by Sagittarius89
CowPuncher:
So I guess that leads me to characteristics of BPD's.
1. Mimicking.
BPD's are famous for doing this. This is the biggest way they can get you suckered in. Now one of the biggest unstable part of a BPD is their Identity. Most have none at all. Which leaves room for being able to take on others and convince you without a shadow of a doubt that is who they are. They may even believe it for a period of time because nothing ever feels authentic to them.
They could take on, your body language, voice tone, interests, pattern of thought, reactions, style , mood. EVERYTHING. You'll end up thinking to yourself. This is my soul mate, my twin we are so alike.
Ya no lol It's usually nothing but a mirror. They do this in such a subtle way too it's not your fault when you find out later in was all a lie.
(Chuckles)
Yes, that's her.
When she was with me, she wore a Mustang T-shirt because I drive a Mustang, and she went to my Army ceremony since I am a Soldier.
With the psychopath she married after knowing him for 5 minutes?
She was wearing a Navy T-shirt in one of her photos since he was in the Navy for two year stint.
It was pretty damn peculiar, but since this behavior has been described in mental health research, I cannot express any surprise there.
Slang for BPD is also "I HATE YOU, BUT DON'T LEAVE ME" Disorder, probably due in part that they are likely to marry/attach to a person they don't even care about, let alone have loving feelings for.
Posted by cowpuncher
Sag89:
Thanks for all the firsthand info! I'm going to re-read it a few times, actually. I will probably hit the bookstore and peek at the books you mentioned at the end... doubt that I will buy them though. Right now my reading list is pretty long. I will probably have more questions after I read through it again.. but for now:
1) When did you know something was wrong, and sought professional help?
2) How did you know something was wrong that you needed professional help with?
3) How much earlier than that do you think you were struggling with this condition... unaware that there was anything wrong?
4) At what point in a relationship does BPD start causing issues? For instance, is there a honeymoon period at first when everything is new and happy?
5) Were you misdiagnosed with other conditions before you were diagnosed with BPD?
It sounds like this is a pretty tough condition to deal with... therapists limiting the number of BPD people they will treat and all. :/
1. Well here, in the 1st three months of my life I was in a orphanage with my twin bio brother. My brother was feed and held more than because he was a boy. I wasn't feed regularly and barely did anyone ever pick me up and hold me. This is part of where it started. Than when I was adopted I was a very angry young child but also my adopted father was abusive to me and my adopted mother I'm pretty sure has BPD tratis herself. ( usually where you get it! ) So about age 5 I started getting therapy. There was stuff wrong.
2. I had very bad angry issues, I was also violent kid. ( could of been learned from either of my parents or may it was earlier life or bio, remember it can be a mix )
3. Probably since I came from the womb lol but maybe when I was adopted. Not sure. Most BPD it starts from a young age. Some don't.
4. YES!!! there is totally a honeymoon period! ( it's my favorite 😛 ) the longest I was able to drag that out was for 6 months. Every BPD is different on that time frame. When the relationship starts calling from real intimacy you will start to see the BPD rear it's ugly head. It's like they turn into totally different person.
5. Yes with Bi polar.
Posted by ellessquePosted by ScorpioFishPosted by ellessquePosted by PurrrrHissss
Dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization are COMPLETELY different from simply "feeling detached". These are defense mechanisms that occur in response to extreme trauma and anxiety. They have nothing to do with astrology.
AND the OP basically said all cancer women had this.
I hardly think so, Elle.
i was being facetious....because i knew i would be blasted for adding the astrlogical element to my inquiry.click to expand
I must have missed that disclaimer, then! Silly, silly me.
😛
Saggie89,
First of all, may I call you that?
I appreciate your honesty and sincerity in the discussion, as it brings a mature and decent approach to talking about this. It is extremely rare that a person with BPD is willing to step forward and admit they have a problem, let alone discuss the details, so I certainly appreciate your interest in discussing this in public (although we can talk on PM if you don't want to talk about it on the forums).
Second of all, I am sorry about all this turmoil you went through at such a young age.
Sometimes therapists get stuff wrong, but sometimes they also get it right. Not quite sure what to say about your experiences in therapy, but I can assure you that there are decent people who are in the profession who will get it right and will help you.
RE: the anger issues, totally understandable and justifiable. Why be happy if you were denied the emotional bond that most babies enjoy at an early age? It is natural to be nurtured at a young age, so it makes sense why you would be upset about that. My ex was the same way, BTW.
Spot on about bulletin 3.
Def agree on bulletin 4. My ex actually wore her mask for about 2 years before it finally came off, and BOY was it ugly when it came off. She accused me of all kinds of crap I didn't do, and she tried to take my religion away from me and she was rude to my mom after my grandpa died, and she didn't say she was sorry to her for that!
Bulletin 5 is correct, in that sometimes there is more than one diagnosable problem within a person.
First of all, may I call you that?
I appreciate your honesty and sincerity in the discussion, as it brings a mature and decent approach to talking about this. It is extremely rare that a person with BPD is willing to step forward and admit they have a problem, let alone discuss the details, so I certainly appreciate your interest in discussing this in public (although we can talk on PM if you don't want to talk about it on the forums).
Second of all, I am sorry about all this turmoil you went through at such a young age.
Sometimes therapists get stuff wrong, but sometimes they also get it right. Not quite sure what to say about your experiences in therapy, but I can assure you that there are decent people who are in the profession who will get it right and will help you.
RE: the anger issues, totally understandable and justifiable. Why be happy if you were denied the emotional bond that most babies enjoy at an early age? It is natural to be nurtured at a young age, so it makes sense why you would be upset about that. My ex was the same way, BTW.
Spot on about bulletin 3.
Def agree on bulletin 4. My ex actually wore her mask for about 2 years before it finally came off, and BOY was it ugly when it came off. She accused me of all kinds of crap I didn't do, and she tried to take my religion away from me and she was rude to my mom after my grandpa died, and she didn't say she was sorry to her for that!
Bulletin 5 is correct, in that sometimes there is more than one diagnosable problem within a person.
Posted by DeadRingerr
^^Mission accomplished then, Elle...now are you gonna try to make SF like you, since you pissed her/him off?
I am a dude, and I have to admit that I sometimes cannot distinguish between when Elle is messing with me or when she is being serious.
If she was sitting next to me, I would just pinch her on the arm until she told me whether or not she was joking.
Posted by ScorpioFish
Saggie89,
First of all, may I call you that?
I appreciate your honesty and sincerity in the discussion, as it brings a mature and decent approach to talking about this. It is extremely rare that a person with BPD is willing to step forward and admit they have a problem, let alone discuss the details, so I certainly appreciate your interest in discussing this in public (although we can talk on PM if you don't want to talk about it on the forums).
Second of all, I am sorry about all this turmoil you went through at such a young age.
Sometimes therapists get stuff wrong, but sometimes they also get it right. Not quite sure what to say about your experiences in therapy, but I can assure you that there are decent people who are in the profession who will get it right and will help you.
RE: the anger issues, totally understandable and justifiable. Why be happy if you were denied the emotional bond that most babies enjoy at an early age? It is natural to be nurtured at a young age, so it makes sense why you would be upset about that. My ex was the same way, BTW.
Spot on about bulletin 3.
Def agree on bulletin 4. My ex actually wore her mask for about 2 years before it finally came off, and BOY was it ugly when it came off. She accused me of all kinds of crap I didn't do, and she tried to take my religion away from me and she was rude to my mom after my grandpa died, and she didn't say she was sorry to her for that!
Bulletin 5 is correct, in that sometimes there is more than one diagnosable problem within a person.
Your welcome! And Thank you very much 🙂
The part you said about her being rude after your grandpa dying. Huge BPD thing I've seen. She may of felt since your attention had to go somewhere else you were leaving her in some way and sometimes BPD's can be so selfish in a way where what about my needs!!!! 24/7. I bet it triggered her. I've seen BPD's split to black when their signifacnt other's are going though a very stressful time. I think it fear they may have to come second for a while. WHICH DON'T GET ME WRONG IS NORMAL AND HEALTHY.
Also with the religion thing. If you were really attached to that in someway I won't be suprised if she tried to make you think it was bad for you. They only wanna be your only attachment. Accept not really ;P lol
Posted by cowpuncher
Sag89:
Thank you for the answers. 🙂 I will have more questions later if you don't mind, right now I'm just taking a quick break and had a moment to check in and read. One more quick question though - When a BPD sufferer does go into rage mode and throw a fit... does it often last for a certain amount of time? Like.. 2.5 to 3 hours for instance? For example, when that rage is triggered in a BPD person, does it often last just a certain amount of time with that person... like you could check your watch and say "Okay it's midnight, Sally's fits always seem to last almost exactly 2 hours, so I'm going to be hearing her scream and throw this fit til 2am". I'm not explaining what I'm asking for very well because I'm in a big hurry here... sorry. lol
It's fine, I think I kind of get it.
Tell me if I am wrong.
I think it depends. There have been times where I have raged for hours, mins, days. It depends if I really wanna calm down about the situation or not. If I am willing to let it go. Get into my ( rational mind ) and be an adult about it.
^^ I think that is what sets a time on it.
@ Moongirl, I thought you may have something when I read your cancer post. You sounded a little like me 🙂
"I hate you...please don't leave me" imo that title alone completely characterizes BPD."
We have this joke that is like.. you know your BPD when " Your fish dies and you think it abandoned you " 😛
"I hate you...please don't leave me" imo that title alone completely characterizes BPD."
We have this joke that is like.. you know your BPD when " Your fish dies and you think it abandoned you " 😛
So what is caps story elle? Maybe he does have an attachment problem
I also agree with what you have posted purrr
Posted by beccy
it's so hard to realize you loved a sick person.
my scorp has borderline personality disorder and I know he will never change and he will never understand anything..
he is "lost"in his own mind and it hurts so much that I can never change it.
😢 Has he ever tried to get some help?
A borderline would be lucky to have someone like you beccy.
Posted by ScorpioFishPosted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
No, a BPD would not leave suddenly, nor is any of the rest that follows any different that any other break-up and the natural feelings one would have about that.
WTF do you know about ANYTHING?
BPDs pull the disappearing and reappearing as "married/engaged/attached after 2 minutes with a perfect stranger" attitude all the damn time.
That is a STAPLE RESPONSE of the BPD's behavior according to the DSM IV.
Slang for BPD is also "I HATE YOU, BUT DON'T LEAVE ME" Disorder.click to expand
Well hello to you too baby! If you read again.... the point I am making is in reference to where the article says a BPD would suddenly LEAVE a SOLID marriage or relationship AND NOT RETURN. Both by your definition AND my definition that ain't right.
Cool off babes. I don't have any issue with this thread or what you're going through nor do I want to sling mud.... on anything but the crazy lady who wrote that article. I made that point VERY clear about a zillion times. Remember even the people who have this disorder and are posting here think the article is off base and biased. It's not like I am standing alone saying it stinks....
Posted by PurrrrHissss
Some people in this thread seem to believe that if you're critical of that website, you MUST just be an angry Cancer chick with BPD. *rolls eyes*
Exactly.....
Posted by Sagittarius89
We have this joke that is like.. you know your BPD when " Your fish dies and you think it abandoned you " 😛
That's cute!
Beccy
beccy is a cuty!
And what concerns me is that so many women come to DXP asking for help regarding pathologically disordered men or pathologically disordered themselves, the advice given probably doesn't work as effectively well when someone has a cumulative of issues like bipolar or borderline disorder or associative detachment issues, there is no way to maintain normalcy to these relationships, I guess that's why I see so many people walking on egg shells in his/her relationship because that's really the only way one a person that isn't afflicted with a disorder can maintain and even doing that is extremely hard without losing one self. I've had the displeasure of dating a couple of men with these issues and it was just not fun, I'll take normal boring any day of the week over that.
Posted by tiki33
And what concerns me is that so many women come to DXP asking for help regarding pathologically disordered men or pathologically disordered themselves, the advice given probably doesn't work as effectively well when someone has a cumulative of issues like bipolar or borderline disorder or associative detachment issues, there is no way to maintain normalcy to these relationships, I guess that's why I see so many people walking on egg shells in his/her relationship because that's really the only way one a person that isn't afflicted with a disorder can maintain and even doing that is extremely hard without losing one self. I've had the displeasure of dating a couple of men with these issues and it was just not fun, I'll take normal boring any day of the week over that.
I think anyone would...
Posted by cowpuncher
Hey Sag89,
You say DBT helps, can you tell us about it, how it works to help treat your BPD, and how long it takes to start showing some benefits?
I just started doing it. So far it's okay. It's kinda too early to tell I think.
Well the one I am in is your in a group session.
So it's nice to talk and relate to other BPD's.
It's a lot of homework though and you have a workbook so it needs to be taking as if it were a class.
Posted by beccy
I know it seems stupid to you..
but this personality disorder exists and it's very hard to understand it if you had no experiences with it.
Because it sounds crazy, irrational, overly dramatic and yeah.. I understand that too.
but please try to understand that it's very hard for those people who are or were in such relationships....
Thank you, Beccy.
I also agree that it is just as difficult to have this problem in life, as it is to be a person who loves someone who has it.
Both parties are victim to it, since they both seem to suffer at high levels.
It is good to see that the therapy is helpful to some people though, and I hope that it works out for others also.
Posted by ellessque
*scoots closer to scorpiofish for a pinch*
Are ya lookin' for trouble today, my Dear?
Posted by tiki33
And what concerns me is that so many women come to DXP asking for help regarding pathologically disordered men or pathologically disordered themselves, the advice given probably doesn't work as effectively well when someone has a cumulative of issues like bipolar or borderline disorder or associative detachment issues, there is no way to maintain normalcy to these relationships, I guess that's why I see so many people walking on egg shells in his/her relationship because that's really the only way one a person that isn't afflicted with a disorder can maintain and even doing that is extremely hard without losing one self. I've had the displeasure of dating a couple of men with these issues and it was just not fun, I'll take normal boring any day of the week over that.
Absolutely, men can have this also!
I think the problem largely is that BPDs are not quick to get help with the disorder. They are unfortunately prone to hop from one wrecked relationship into another, without any real regard to what went wrong and how to make things better.
In my humble opinion, it is much like alcoholism in that there are a litany of sources as to where it comes from, but it is hard to get them to seek help for it.
Unfortunately, they cannot be forced into treatment like an alcoholic can be forced into treatment by a judge. This is probably why the percentage of untreated cases is much higher for BPDs over other problems like alcoholism or other problems.
I found myself relating to the article on that website about BDP and narcissistic men. I've been in an on/off relationship with a 2nd decan cancer for the past year or so.
Sagittarius89, you mentioned earlier that it's a common BPD trait to act strangely in situations when their partner is suffering or going through a hard time. The two times my boyfriend left me, 1. My parents admitted to their alcoholism/went to rehab (I really could've used some support during that time) and 2. My best friend abruptly moved across the country (he broke up with me the same exact day she left).
My instincts always told me this was odd. That any other guy would've waited a few days to soften the blow, you know? Our relationship was just hitting the point of being REAL. There was nothing substantially wrong with us as a couple besides a few miscommunications, which I feel were mainly due to his change in nature.
The last 2 weeks I was with him he started becoming extremely controlling, quiet/detached one moment and then affectionate the next, he started sulking a lot and if I asked him what was wrong he'd blame it on his allergies (I could swear the tension was towards me). Whenever I tried to talk to him about anything real or pertaining towards his emotions he would shut down and just stare. When I asked him why he would do ____ (add specific hurtful scenario here) he would respond with, "I don't know why I'm acting like this but I'm not proud of it." Later, he would mock me for being "too sensitive" or "like other women he's dated before." This stuff really hurt.
Sagittarius89, you mentioned earlier that it's a common BPD trait to act strangely in situations when their partner is suffering or going through a hard time. The two times my boyfriend left me, 1. My parents admitted to their alcoholism/went to rehab (I really could've used some support during that time) and 2. My best friend abruptly moved across the country (he broke up with me the same exact day she left).
My instincts always told me this was odd. That any other guy would've waited a few days to soften the blow, you know? Our relationship was just hitting the point of being REAL. There was nothing substantially wrong with us as a couple besides a few miscommunications, which I feel were mainly due to his change in nature.
The last 2 weeks I was with him he started becoming extremely controlling, quiet/detached one moment and then affectionate the next, he started sulking a lot and if I asked him what was wrong he'd blame it on his allergies (I could swear the tension was towards me). Whenever I tried to talk to him about anything real or pertaining towards his emotions he would shut down and just stare. When I asked him why he would do ____ (add specific hurtful scenario here) he would respond with, "I don't know why I'm acting like this but I'm not proud of it." Later, he would mock me for being "too sensitive" or "like other women he's dated before." This stuff really hurt.
A few days before he broke up with me I had had a brief episode where I had gotten so frustrated with him I went AWOL, left his house and didn't come back until the next day. To which I apologized for handling my anger in the wrong way. I tried being open and honest while talking about our relationship/where it was going but the conversation brought no relief. He repeated to me over and over that what I did was incredibly annoying and out of control. I apologized profusely.
The next day he broke up with me right after I had came back from saying goodbye to my friend. I was shocked and devastated.
To this day, he blames the demise of our relationship on me. According to him I "shut down" and wasn't open with him. I did put up my guard a little after he started acting differently but I can't help but think that this was a natural reaction to such a sudden change in behavior. He still actively tries to pursue getting to know me again but can't seem to stop finding fault with me.
He recently admitted to feeling empty and dead inside along with feeling like he doesn't know who he is anymore. I'm at a loss, nothing I do is good enough for this man and I feel like all of my efforts are in vain. Sometimes he's insidiously cruel and hurtful towards me, other times he's sensitive and warm. I care about him deeply but the confusion and feelings of helplessness are a lot to cope with. Any advice?
The next day he broke up with me right after I had came back from saying goodbye to my friend. I was shocked and devastated.
To this day, he blames the demise of our relationship on me. According to him I "shut down" and wasn't open with him. I did put up my guard a little after he started acting differently but I can't help but think that this was a natural reaction to such a sudden change in behavior. He still actively tries to pursue getting to know me again but can't seem to stop finding fault with me.
He recently admitted to feeling empty and dead inside along with feeling like he doesn't know who he is anymore. I'm at a loss, nothing I do is good enough for this man and I feel like all of my efforts are in vain. Sometimes he's insidiously cruel and hurtful towards me, other times he's sensitive and warm. I care about him deeply but the confusion and feelings of helplessness are a lot to cope with. Any advice?
No need to put words into my mouth. I was asking for input from those who either A.) have BPD or, B.) have imtimately dealt with someone who does.
I'm not married by the way, therefore not a mrs. and please, OSF--if you don't have anything nice to say, don't bother saying it at all.
I'm not married by the way, therefore not a mrs. and please, OSF--if you don't have anything nice to say, don't bother saying it at all.
Posted by ScorpioFishPosted by ellessque
*scoots closer to scorpiofish for a pinch*
Are ya lookin' for trouble today, my Dear?click to expand
Hey is this scubafish? I've missed you buddy!!
Dust he does sound a little off
Posted by Sagittarius89
Dust he does sound a little off
Does this sound reminiscent of BPD? I've never been one to try and personally diagnose a close friend or lover but everything I've been reading up on really remindes me of my situation with him.
Posted by thomas1214Posted by PixieDustPosted by ScorpioFishPosted by ellessque
*scoots closer to scorpiofish for a pinch*
Are ya lookin' for trouble today, my Dear?
Hey is this scubafish? I've missed you buddy!!
i wish i was that horseclick to expand
Come and get it, Thomas 😉
Posted by PixieDustPosted by ScorpioFishPosted by ellessque
*scoots closer to scorpiofish for a pinch*
Are ya lookin' for trouble today, my Dear?
Hey is this scubafish? I've missed you buddy!!click to expand
Yes, 'tis I, the one and only...
Posted by PixieDust
I've been in an on/off relationship with a 2nd decan cancer for the past year or so.
Sagittarius89, you mentioned earlier that it's a common BPD trait to act strangely in situations when their partner is suffering or going through a hard time. The two times my boyfriend left me, 1. My parents admitted to their alcoholism/went to rehab (I really could've used some support during that time) and 2. My best friend abruptly moved across the country (he broke up with me the same exact day she left).
My instincts always told me this was odd. That any other guy would've waited a few days to soften the blow, you know? Our relationship was just hitting the point of being REAL. There was nothing substantially wrong with us as a couple besides a few miscommunications, which I feel were mainly due to his change in nature.
The last 2 weeks I was with him he started becoming extremely controlling, quiet/detached one moment and then affectionate the next, he started sulking a lot and if I asked him what was wrong he'd blame it on his allergies (I could swear the tension was towards me). Whenever I tried to talk to him about anything real or pertaining towards his emotions he would shut down and just stare. When I asked him why he would do ____ (add specific hurtful scenario here) he would respond with, "I don't know why I'm acting like this but I'm not proud of it." Later, he would mock me for being "too sensitive" or "like other women he's dated before." This stuff really hurt.
You just described the male version of my ex to a near T.
The behavior is enough to make you want to scream, correct?
I never have understood the almost compulsive need of theirs to save their most poisonous arrows for when people like you and I are grieving over something outside the relationship, as was the case with the death of my Grandpa and with your parents going to the rehab center.
Posted by oldskoolflavor
you ..
you're bored & trying to start a fight
flattered by your attention ..
we'll get at it in another thread
🙂
I honestly don't believe anyone is here to start a fight.
Most folks are pretty chill about this, and the ones who are currently posting seem interested in discussing their problems as they happened.
It is the real world exposure and the shared experiences that correlate best with articles from the original post.
The intention is not to be mean or nasty, but to provide a fair explanation of why/how we feel about interaction with other people who suffer from BPD and it's cousin illnesses.
Posted by oldskoolflavor
just to give you an idea:
I HAD TO cut ties off w/ a scorpio BPD in december 08
the hardest thing was to accept the fact she didn't give me any other choice
still doing some HEALING to this day
It gets better in the fullness of time, I assure you.
But yes, the lingering emotional effects can sometimes hang around the mind much like the "next morning hangover" effect after a night of binge drinking.
Posted by thomas1214Posted by PixieDustPosted by thomas1214Posted by PixieDustPosted by ScorpioFishPosted by ellessque
*scoots closer to scorpiofish for a pinch*
Are ya lookin' for trouble today, my Dear?
Hey is this scubafish? I've missed you buddy!!
i wish i was that horse
Come and get it, Thomas 😉
(licks lips and runs in a circle a few times before bolting over) I'M A COMING!!click to expand
Thomas and Pixie, sitting in a tree...
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Well there is alot of ways it can manifest.
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Most borderlines I know were very badly abused as children (physically, sexual, neglected ) Though I know some that weren't it just may have been their brain is deformed or are VERY OFF in their brain chemically.
How does having BPD effect someones life? Well lets put it this way. In the physiological world you'll never find a disorder that has less therapists willing to specialize in. Why is this? Because it is one of the most draining disorders a person can have.
Just the other day I was actually talking to someone who was saying that their therapist can only handle 3 BPD people at a time in her practice because that is how hard they are to work with.
Also BPD's are know to " Charm Their Therapist " I have been guilty of this. To the point where I would get Harvard grads wanting to give me little gifts on my birthday and take me out for coffee and end up spending my sessions talking about their problems ;P BAD I KNOW. But most can get them wrapped around their fingers in 5 second flats.
I can't tell you how many times I have had therapists say " You know so much! " Yea lol That is why it is VERY important BPD's get a STRONG therapist that won't take their shit and see what they are trying to do. It's the ONLY WAY TO GET BETTER!
So far I have only been lucky with one a ( Gemini Actually ) lol who has helped me a great deal though I no longer see her at the moment because I'm trying so other kinds of therapy.
She was/is a rock for me though in so many ways.
So I guess that leads me to characteristics of BPD's.
1. Mimicking.
BPD's are famous for doing this. This is the biggest way they can get you suckered in. Now one of the biggest unstable part of a BPD is their Identity. Most have none at all. Which leaves room for being able to take on others and convince you without a shadow of a doubt that is who they are. They may even believe it for a period of time because nothing ever feels authentic to them.
They could take on, your body language, voice tone, interests, pattern of thought, reactions, style , mood. EVERYTHING. You'll end up thinking to yourself. This is my soul mate, my twin we are so alike.
Ya no lol It's usually nothing but a mirror. They do this in such a subtle way too it's not your fault when you find out later in was all a lie.