can i get help with my cancer man ?

hello all am new in all this cancer thing,,, am a virgo and for the past year I've been driven crazy by a cancer mani just can't understand him i walk away and he still comes after me when in the first place he was the reason i walked away. he is the one who came and said he loves me and he want try to make this work, and when i agreed pursuing this relationship he just didn't show any kind of care. he knows that i really love him so i just feel he took me for granted. and whats up with all the sudden disappearing—? when i show him that its not okay with me he is offended and that i should understand that he is loaded with work and stuff. while he is so active on every social media out there. why i can't get over him coz the chemistry is fucking amazing when we are together u can feel the heat, sparks, and fire works. he always have some financial problems which i always feel add to his burdens. its been week an half now since we talked, i simply did what he asked me to do to leave him alone cause he is depressed and pressured, and for the first time i did for real. i gave him more than once the option to end all this i even broke up with him once and when we talked about it he wanted us back together. i have a weak spot for him , and i know that i love him. its been hard for me but i can't take anymore this kind of behavior. every time he does this as soon as he calls me am all back to my old lovey dubby little girl, but this time am different. i don't want to get hurt again I've been already got heart broken from a guy before which shattered me b4. i lost a lot of close ppl in my life and i just can't handle this too. but am really stuck i know sound so immature, but the heart wants what the heart wants right.

any help on what to do

Your heart wants what it wants, but so does his. If he's not mature enough to acknowledge your feelings and respectful of you, then walk away. The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing, the same way, expecting a different result. He's shown you who he is, trust that.

i've had no experience with cancer men... but as a virgo as well, i can definitely attest to the pull of water sign men, mainly pisces and scorpios. definitely not as smooth sailing as pairing up with fellow earth signs but speaking personally, i like that challenge... and it may very well be the challenge that makes up a big part of why i feel that strong sense of attraction/magnetic pull. but girl you've GOT to know when to draw the line. know when the challenge is just over your head, i.e. he's not in the right time in his life. he could meet an AMAZING girl like you.. the sex can be out of this world or the convos between you two has enough intellect to cut through steel but if circumstances in his life doesn't allow a relationship to bloom, then you'll continually be stuck in the mud with him instead.

you acknowledge that you have a weak spot for him, and he KNOWS that. i'm sure he cares for you deeply and has no malicious intent to hurt you... but because he knows you have that weak spot for him, he will continue to act this way. don't cover up the weak spot just so you can reel him back... do it for yourself, honestly. you probably hate to give up as much as i do.. but if the guy's not ready, nothing and no one will change his mind, no matter HOW much you try to show him you care or how much you will stay patient and not give up, or HOW amazing you are. if he's not ready, he won't see what is in front of him. timing as they say is of the essence. cliche.. but still very true.

i think you already know deep down in your heart what to do. let go. like truly let go, to the point where you can talk freely to him as friends. obviously this won't be overnight... but just continue to mull over these thoughts in your head... timing, the pain you feel vs. the happiness you feel, where he's at in his life and where you're at, what YOU want, etc etc. just some ideas.

stay strong even in your moments of weakness. if you have to cry, then cry but do it with the purpose of letting go.. releasing your anxiety/pain...

best wishes.

true that ,, thats why this time i walked away i dnt even have his number ,,, i wish we had a turn off and on button for our feelings 😢 i made him take me for granted and that wat is bothering me like he really believes ill always be there for him no matter what

Funny Funny Funny. I did all of that to my poor sweet Virgo wife of five years, before we got married. We dated for about six years, and in that time, I ran away so many times, I am surprised she stuck around for all the abuse. I will publicly say: "I am sorry sweetie for all the hurt I caused you, and I love you". The one thing both my wife and I agree however, is that we have truly been a blessing to each other. I need her, as much as she needs me, and we really do complement each other. I believe this to be possibly true for you as well. Therefore I would urge you not to give up so quickly, and try to use the time productively for your own personal development. The reason you don't understand him, is because you are probably too logical and unattached, where as he is emotional and dreamy. The way in which you each see the world is so different, that both of you are left wondering is this what I want? Problem with a cancerian is that they have a tendency to drown in a glass of water. They get overwhelmed with the emotional stuff, that the only way out is to shut down. That's why he apparently keeps leaving. Probably has nothing to do with you, you are just a casualty of all the emotional despair he is feeling. I wonder what is going thru his mind? It's hard to tell, and even harder for a cancer to open up. Believe me, the only way is to talk openly and honestly about it. You may want to be friends now, just to ease any perceived pressure. But stay close, I think he got a taste of a good thing, and doesn't want to really leave you. One clue: Kill him with kindness, filter all your thoughts thru an emotional filter, and you should be OK. Try not to get upset at him, even if he pisses you off, don't show it. You will only confuse him more. Good Luck and Good Living!

If a cancer said he loves you, that's huge. The emotional cancer is very afraid of the world, and really broke out of his comfort zone for you. This should not be underestimated. The reason you don't understand him is the same reason he doesn't understand you, you both see the world with different glasses. You both need to use empathy to understand each other. He doesn't know you love him, if you don't explicitly say it, preferably not in a unattached, logical, and stoic way. Let your emotions run free with your cancer man, he will love you even more. He's not trying to take you for granted, it just seems that way to you. The man is dealing with all his internal emotional stuff, and this causes him to run away emotionally, but also can manifest itself physically. As far as the social media, cancers tend to be social butterflies only cause they seek reassurance and understanding from others. They are homebody loaners by nature, and once he sees he doesn't need anyone else, will have no problem cutting off the world to be with you. Financial problems? Cancerians have a good heart, and many have been known to be taken advantage of. Any family or friends too close? Maybe he's always bailing someone else out? These financial burdens will definitely throw off a cancerian's chi. My wife really helped me there. Good thing with Cancer people is that they are generally good at attracting money, but if you do get married, you should probably carry the books, cause they also have no problem giving it away. He needs to understand that the money problems are hurting him, and he will come around. Depression? Yes, big problem with the emotional Cancer. You shutting him out, or wanting to give up now, is not going to help him in this department, so hold off on any major breakups for now. Seriously, try to be a friend to him, and listen, listen, listen. I know its hard, but do this. Cancers have a way with dealing with depression that should get him out of any rut rather quickly. However, it's the overwhelming kind of stuff that throws him off. I think you two can potentially become an awesome power couple, and I wish you only the best. Good Luck, and Good Living.

Posted by CyberCrab
If a cancer said he loves you, that's huge. The emotional cancer is very afraid of the world, and really broke out of his comfort zone for you. This should not be underestimated. The reason you don't understand him is the same reason he doesn't understand you, you both see the world with different glasses. You both need to use empathy to

cybercrab thax a lot coz some how it seems u know exactly wat is going on with out me explaining, i honestly can never let go of him??_. and once he asked me why u r still giving me chances although am nt that good as a bf??_.. will i answered i see something special in him and i know things will be great. but bat us talking about the subject he soesnt open up to me at all or to anyone in that matter, even if he did its always 10% which is nothing keeping more confused. i only stopped talking to him becoz he asked me to and he told me when he wanna talk he will??_ and honestly i knew i couldn't stop pressuring him so i decided to distance my self coz its affecting me mentally and emotionally coz am sure he can admit it too i handled a lot ??_.. the thing is he know that i ve been hurt before badly and am wondering y somehow he is doing the same??_anyway thxx a lot and i will really take ur words of wisdom into consideration,, but i really dnt think i wanna start talking to him again coz every time i do and it seems am having the same result every time.

ps: i loved how u appreciate ur wife , and i really do wish u the best and high five for apparently she is a strong women with a great well

Cybercrab I'm sure that's only true for those good cancers. Some cancers abuse their ability to create a feeling of warmth and love to manipulate. Or because they wish they were in love.

ya true they know how to make u feel so special and loved as if there is no other person in this world accept u ,,

Posted by kim30
Cybercrab I'm sure that's only true for those good cancers. Some cancers abuse their ability to create a feeling of warmth and love to manipulate. Or because they wish they were in love.

Bingo.

Some people seem to think that ALL Cancer women and men belong to the wonderful and warm Camp 1 Cancer Club.

However, many folks seem to forget about the Bizarro and HORRIFIC WORLD of Cancers who reside in Camp 2.

CyberCrab's advice is effective only with the respectful, civil and warm Crabs in Camp 1.

If your Crab is straight out of the depths of HELL (Camp 2), then you may want to get the hell away from him altogether.

Posted by ScorpioFish

Posted by kim30
Cybercrab I'm sure that's only true for those good cancers. Some cancers abuse their ability to create a feeling of warmth and love to manipulate. Or because they wish they were in love.

Bingo.

Some people seem to think that ALL Cancer women and men belong to the wonderful and warm Camp 1 Cancer Club.

However, many folks seem to forget about the Bizarro and HORRIFIC WORLD of Cancers who reside in Camp 2.

CyberCrab's advice is effective only with the respectful, civil and warm Crabs in Camp 1.

If your Crab is straight out of the depths of HELL (Camp 2), then you may want to get the hell away from him altogether.

click to expand

okay how can i know for sure what camp he is —

How long does he disappear?

like now its been week and a half ??_

there were times before that we stop talking for couple of months but we weren't in a rleationship. me and him we seem can never be only friends it always ends up with us flirting and him getting really jealous when i used to date other guys

okay how can i know for sure what camp he is —

I have posted about the 2 different camps before, and will gladly explain again for you.

Camp 1:

Considerate, affectionate, warm, endearing, supportive, mature, evolved, helpful, thoughtful, engaging and loyal people who know how to behave themselves and treat people with dignity and respect.

Camp 2:

Disrespectful, unevolved, selfish, narcissistic, manipulative, destructive, arrogant, ignorant, hurtful, cheating, neurotic, cold, ruthless and generally disgusting people who shouldn't even be given the title of human being.

Unfortunately for all of us, the Camp 2 Crabs often wear masks and disguise themselves as Camp 1 Crabs.

It is very difficult to know exactly who you are dealing with until you put your cards on the table and tell them how you feel for them. This is a very risky move when you do, as the person could go either way depending on which Camp they reside in.

I wish you good luck and Godspeed with your quest for truth and happiness.

Did he say anything else besides I love you that would suggest his sincerity?Like he can't think about anything else but you? Thinks you two belong together?

@rockerangel Well him disappearing for a week & a half IS not normal in any relationship. Most good Cancer Men wouldn't leave their gf hanging weeks on hand. We usually are very attached & like closeness in relationships. Either you put up with this behavior, OR show him you got respect for yourself. Let him know you not gon put up with the on & off behavior. If he gonna be with you, he gotta make the effort with his actions. Remember this, Love is something that is shown, not told!. Follow your heart, & there you can make the right decision 🙂

Posted by kim30
Did he say anything else besides I love you that would suggest his sincerity?Like he can't think about anything else but you? Thinks you two belong together?

yes he said he can see me as a wife and that he blindly trusts me ,,,, ya stuff like that !!!!

Posted by 2BlackIndian3
@rockerangel Well him disappearing for a week & a half IS not normal in any relationship. Most good Cancer Men wouldn't leave their gf hanging weeks on hand. We usually are very attached & like closeness in relationships. Either you put up with this behavior, OR show him you got respect for yourself. Let him know you not gon put up with the on & off behavior. If he gonna be with you, he gotta make the effort with his actions. Remember this, Love is something that is shown, not told!. Follow your heart, & there you can make the right decision 🙂

u r soo right thats y i stopped talking to him and am nt doing anything becoz i think i already gave him all the reassurance he needs and he knows am serious about us. so i hope he will wake up soon coz i know i mean something to him, but he is so occupied with his own problems. thanks a lot for ur opinion

is it a proximity relationship or a long distance relationship?

@mz we are in the same country but its hard here to see each other that much ,,, due to the rules here so u can say its so and so

Posted by rockerangel
@mz we are in the same country but its hard here to see each other that much ,,, due to the rules here so u can say its so and so

then learn not to ask from a ldr what you need from a pr.
a ldr is not for people who have trust issues, who are controlling, who are not very independent.

the more pressure you put on him, the further he'll go.

but...i think the first step should be a clarifications of your needs and wants...maybe you really don't like lds's. do you need a man or THIS MAN? is he the right one for you or it is the shortages of this relationship which make you want it regardless...? it is in human nature to want what they can't have....

—Unfortunately for all of us, the Camp 2 Crabs often wear masks and disguise themselves as Camp 1 Crabs.

It is very difficult to know exactly who you are dealing with until you put your cards on the table and tell them how you feel for them. This is a very risky move when you do, as the person could go either way depending on which Camp they reside in.??

HA! I'm glad you wrote the last part of this because I was just about to say is there a Camp 3 no one knows about? lol. Because I??ve delt with Camp 1 (ONE TIME) and I swear I think that man is secretly an angel from the heavens in disguise, everything about him is good. And when he messes up, there's almost no end to the things he??ll do to make things right again. Just sweet as pie.
That damn Camp 2 has a way of making you feel like ripping your hair out. UGH! And they always play victim. I met him too. 4 years later, I'm still trying to get rid of him. He disappears a lot too. I??ve deleted his number more times than I can remember and have blocked him on all social media. Crazy jerk.
Now the last Cancer I dealt with was a combination of both Camp 1 and 2 literally right down the middle. He never disappears though even when he's mad, he stays in communication, never likes to go more than 1 day without speaking. The longest we ever went without speaking is a month. I was pissed and called it quits. He came after me though. So I'm wondering if he's Camp 2 hiding behind the disguise of Camp 1 like you said? Yikes. He's all of these things??_.

Considerate, affectionate, warm, endearing, supportive, mature, evolved, helpful, thoughtful, engaging and loyal people who know how to behave themselves and treat people with dignity and respect. BUT he can morph in a matter of minutes without warning when he's hurt or upset into , un-evolved, selfish, manipulative, arrogant, hurtful, cold, and most of all; detached.

What do you think?

and to the OP,

In my honest opinion I feel the only way to have a healthy lasting relationship with a Cancer man is to be their friend first. They trust their friends, and family; it's like you almost have an automatic free pass until you abuse it, and once you do there's no coming back, and your pass is VOID forever. The Camp1 Cancer I met, was sweet and nice to everyone. However his friends (me) and his family, gets to see a deeper more emotional side to him. It's truly a gift when a Cancer man opens up. However I must say, in all honesty if you don't get him to see you as a friend as well as a lover, I doubt he will ever open up, not the way you need him to.
To me Cancers are already afraid of their own shadow in matters of love, and to them a lover has the power to hurt them the worst if they let down their guard, which is why they DON??T. I don't care if he told you he??d move the stars for you, he probably really feels that way, but I bet he never says when.lol. Most likely because that day will be the day he feels he can COMPLETELY, and 100% trust you, and lets be honest my dad was married to my mom for 7 years, and with her for 6 before that, and he still didn't completely trust her. Don't get me wrong he trusted her —the most?? but not completely.
When you are their friend, they feel more at ease when talking to you. They still move at a glacier pace even when choosing friends, but a friendship is not as much pressure on them. Again this is just my opinion, so take at your own risk. I??ve only had good luck with one Cancer the rest??_ehh I??ll just chuck them up to being Camp 2 idiots. Lol.

Pink Libra,

I am very grateful for your contributions based on experience, as they help reinforce and validate the theory that not all Cancers are the angels we often wish they would be.

Sigh. I wish they would all be as wonderful, thoughtful and mature as MoonArtist, Este8, Kim30, Obi Wan Kenobi (BlackIndian), EU, CancerOnTheCusp, Scruffy, CancerLeoCusp, PurrHiss, and so forth...

@pinklibra and @scorpiofish thanks a lot for ur contribution i think am seeing things clearly now. before we started dating we ve been friends for two years and i know that he opened up to me more than once but not completely. the thing is once when we were friends we talked bat my ex and he sensed that i still have some feelings for him. i didn't know back then he had feelings for me , but from the way he changed his treatment to me afterward i think that caused some kind of a problem. still i can't tell if he camp 1 or 2 he has charecters from both sides like when i see him we are the perfect match but when we talk on the phone or text he is just wayyyy distant. now simply he asked me to leave him alone coz that what he want since he is depressed. i asked if he wanna end it btw us but he didn't want to. i think am just stuck, but honestly part of me is moving on as i have nothing to base this relationship on

Posted by MissLibra
Your heart wants what it wants, but so does his. If he's not mature enough to acknowledge your feelings and respectful of you, then walk away. The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing, the same way, expecting a different result. He's shown you who he is, trust that.

+100000000000000000

Here you go! Here's some flakes for you!

Posted by ScorpioFish
Pink Libra,

I am very grateful for your contributions based on experience, as they help reinforce and validate the theory that not all Cancers are the angels we often wish they would be.

Sigh. I wish they would all be as wonderful, thoughtful and mature as MoonArtist, Este8, Kim30, Obi Wan Kenobi (BlackIndian), EU, CancerOnTheCusp, Scruffy, CancerLeoCusp, PurrHiss, and so forth...

You are clearly hurt and stung by some "camp2" cancer. It's obvious. All you have are negative things to say. I read your comments because my cancer is a "camo2". I can say that your camp 2 cancer probably shat on you for your small minded ness and negative thought patterns. Everyone has good and bad in them no matter what the sign or decant. It is ridiculous to say all "camp2" cancers are all the bad shit you mentioned. But it helps because now I see what my friend means when she says she feels like closing up on narrow minded people who label instead if really getting to know them. You didn't say not ONE good thing. Shows that your hurt and biased.

Posted by rockerangel
@pinklibra and @scorpiofish thanks a lot for ur contribution i think am seeing things clearly now. before we started dating we ve been friends for two years and i know that he opened up to me more than once but not completely. the thing is once when we were friends we talked bat my ex and he sensed that i still have some feelings for him. i didn't know back then he had feelings for me , but from the way he changed his treatment to me afterward i think that caused some kind of a problem. still i can't tell if he camp 1 or 2 he has charecters from both sides like when i see him we are the perfect match but when we talk on the phone or text he is just wayyyy distant. now simply he asked me to leave him alone coz that what he want since he is depressed. i asked if he wanna end it btw us but he didn't want to. i think am just stuck, but honestly part of me is moving on as i have nothing to base this relationship on

And you have the nerve to wonder what hapoened—?