Cancer in love with more than one person

Can a Cancer female be in love with more than one person? I'm not talking platonic love, but more romantic/emotional love.

Yes why not?

How can anybody be really in love with two people at the same time?
It has never happened to me
I can be infatuated with more than one, yes , but not in love, that is just with one and that person occupies my whole heart, no room for more

@domanb - i dunno. i'm aquarian and have never been in love before until i met my cancer girl. and by "met" i mean i knew her for 10 years before i really saw her. i've been crazy about her for the past 2.5 years.

@piscesargie - i'm not the emotional type and cancers are, so for me, no. i don't think i could emotionally give my all to more than one person either. i feel i've been played by my cancer girl (intentional or not) but i don't fully understand emotions so i thought i'd consult the experts 🙂

Well, as a Fish, Im one of the emotional people too (remember, all three water signs are, Cancers, Pisces and Scorpio) and the answer is NO, if it is real love, but YES, if it is an attraction, and infatuation.
When I really love, I just love ONE person at a time.
If you want, tell us more about your situation so we can give you some insight. Why do you think she was playing you?

she was/is involved with someone when we met. as time went on and we got emotionally closer, she told me she was only with them for financial security. i get that. however, it has been recently revealed to me that her partner has tested postitive for HIV and they had sex a little over 4 months ago. initially, she told me she had sex out of "duty" but since has told me she initiated it. very early on, i asked her to tell me if she was physical with anyone else so we could take precautions. i preach safe sex and i practice safe sex. i trusted her to tell me and broke a personal rule i set for myself. i'm very disappointed in me, but that's a whole other thread - lol.

i don't think most women can have sober sex without emotion. she said she was drinking and in a bad place when she asked for sex. she said she felt horrible the next day and told them it would never happen again between them. she says a lot of things and i'm sure she means them at the time, but when her mood changes, so does her mind it seems.

so, i'm wondering if she is in love with two people. i can't be (hard enough to be in love with one) but i'm not highly emotional. if she is happy with this other person, then by all means, i want her to be with them. but she hangs on to me as well. i get confused :-\ why hang on to me if she's happy where she is?

the difficult part for me is i'm feeling feelings i've never felt before so dealing with them is problematic at times. i do my best not to let them interfere with our relationship, but i'm sure at some level they do. i'm not going to not love her just because she betrayed a trust. i can trust her again. but should i? i deserve someone's complete love in a romantic relationship and want us to be the absolute best we can be, apart and together.

hmm... i had sex with my ex Aqua when we were 'emotionally over' because I was feeling lonely and lost. i was thinking about someone else the whole time, felt terrible afterwards and cried my eyes out right in front of him. It never happened again so... she's probably telling you the truth.

She'll always have moments of being emotionally unstable and confusing. But as PiscesArgie said, usually a water only has room for ONE love in their heart.

Whatever reason she was with her ex. she will have a hard time letting go of him. Wether she leaves him behind for good, only she knows... but it will take an amazing amount of patience and emotional stability for you to be with her, especially if you have compromised your own principles in the process.

Communicate!!!!! It is very, very important, yet difficult in a Aqua/Cancer relationship. The Aqua has a hard time UNDERSTANDING their feelings, let alone expressing them. While the Cancer has a hard time EXPRESSING their feelings because they want you to just KNOW, yet their feelings are so changeable.

Bottom line... can you forgive? Can you talk about it?

Posted by PiscesArgie
Well, as a Fish, Im one of the emotional people too (remember, all three water signs are, Cancers, Pisces and Scorpio) and the answer is NO, if it is real love, but YES, if it is an attraction, and infatuation.
When I really love, I just love ONE person at a time.
If you want, tell us more about your situation so we can give you some insight. Why do you think she was playing you?

totally agree

@piscesargie - yea, i'm talking about real love, not infatuation.

@shellshocker - i don't really care that she had sex or why. it was 4+ months ago, plus i understand the carnal side of sex. sex is healthy 🙂. i've easily forgiven all that, i just get stuck where i thought it was well understood about letting me know so i could protect myself physically. we had the conversation more than once and she agreed. i trusted her to tell me and she didn't, then lied about why. i probably still wouldn't know if it hadn't been for the blood test results. i mean, that's not even cool to do on a friendship level much less a relationship that has gone beyond that level. i must be an atypical aquarian because communication is vital to a healthy relationship and i openly show her how much i absolutely adore her with words and actions. there is no doubt our love for each other. but when it comes to these types of things, she pretty much closes off. i know we process things differently and at different speeds, so i get myself through what i feel i have to deal with and tell her where i stand and then wait til she's ready to express herself to me. she keeps saying "we still need to talk" and i tell her "absolutely. whenever you're ready". and so we wait.....

my initial question was if she, as a cancer, could be able to be in love with more than one person. if she is already in a loving, fulfilling relationship, then i need to go 😢 on the other hand, if she is truly only there for financial reasons (which will soon be a non-issue) then i want to hang in and fight hard for this relationship. i has been life changing. it's the kind of love many people search for and never find. it should be respected and not taken for granted...ever.

thanks to all for the input. when i was in the midst of analyzing stuff, i seriously thought of booking time with a therapist just to get a completely objective view on things. you guys are a whole lot cheaper 😄

anyone, regardless of sign, can be in love with more than one person at a time. i have and i'm a leo. that's why i don't believe in "the one" per se. i think there are many we have the capability of falling in love with but extremely few who are truly compatible in terms of "forever".

My Venus i sin Gemini, and I could not bare the thought of being love with two people at the same time. Being truly in love takes all you've got man. Now I can be interested physically in another person, but it would be so very superficial that hell why even bother? If I had to be totally in love with two people I would emotionally combust.... oh the pressure of it all!!!!

Posted by gemtaur

Posted by PiscesArgie
How can anybody be really in love with two people at the same time?
It has never happened to me
I can be infatuated with more than one, yes , but not in love, that is just with one and that person occupies my whole heart, no room for more

three words: venus in gem

click to expand

Actually, Im a Venus in Aqua

MUFF , why don't you ask the girl how she feels in her relationship, is she is happy?
Is she flirting with you?
I dont know, I dont like the situation so much, but if you are in love, dont retreat without making sure if you have a chance or not!

I agree...LOVE is only for ONE, then it just must be lust if you think you "love" two

@moonbunny - i totally get that and completely agree

@piscesargie - i don't know if i have a chance. i don't like hingeing a relationship on nothing more than hope. she is pushing me away telling me i deserve better than her. i wish she would leave the decision up to me. i love her. i love me. i love us. complete strangers come up to us and tell us how beautiful we are together. we get that ALL the time. she has a real penchant for drama, but oh well. i don't take it on. i don't think she wants me to go away, but i have a tightrope situation in that i want to stay close enough, but give her time/space at the same time.

am i being stupid? naw...i'm aquarian 😄 her emotional side baffles me

Dear Muff.
When a person wants to be with you, they just are...that line "you deserve better than me" remimds me of many times I didnt want to hurt a guys feelings to break up with him...the typical "it is not you, it is ME" line.
I don't know. It doesn't give me a good impression.
Maybe she doesnt want you to go away because she truly doesnt know what she wants and wants to keep her options open...but in the meanwhile, where do you stand?I think this is so selfish of her. She doesnt want to be with you, but doesnt want you to clear from her and start over or meet other girls, so selfish and surely a boost to her self esteem (which I am sure is pretty low)
Stop idealizing you and her the couple, and how beautiful you look togeher and start thinking about FEELINGS, it seems you fantasize but what about the reality of the situation? how does that make you feel? Can you face her and tell her how you feel and that it is all or nothing—? Take a stand.
If she loves you, she will be with you. In life, we CHOOSE.

@piscesargie - uh boy...so much to tell, but trying to condense over 10+ years of friendship and 2.5 years of involvement in a few paragraphs on the internet will just not work. plus, how to you put feelings and the nuances of relationships into words? i could give you the basics and no doubt you'd tell me to run like the wind. i'd probably tell any friend in my situation to do the same, but then there are emotions that dilute all logic...sane logic, anyway 🙂

she has not gotten the results of her blood test back and i'm sure her head is spinning. she's certainly scared and confused, not only about the results but the fact she was betrayed. i told her he is a liar and was chasing tail, but she wanted to hear it from him and trusted him when he told her he would let her know before he pursued anyone else. i dunno. i think that's pretty dumb. expecting the criminal to confess his crimes...yea, uh huh. anyway, i'm sure she does not feel very worthy of being loved right now and i'm thinking that's where the "i'm not good enough" came from. i'm fully aware of the realities of our relationship as i'm not one to fantasize or get lost in dillusions of grandeur. she and i connect and we connect on a level i've never experienced before. things happen to me that i have absolutely no control over in response to just being near her. we have both grown from this relationship and i think that's excellent. she has no doubt the love i feel for her and she told me she loves me so much it scares the poop out of her. but, she is tied to him for the time being. i'm not sure what will happen when she gets her results. either this will be the push she needs to let go or she will stick by his side.

@moonbunny - i think her detachment is her way of protecting me. i don't need protecting, i need honesty. i have told her just that. she's got her claws deep into both of us.

i appreciate the input. i really do. i'm pissed right now because she told me last night not to tell anyone of HIV status. while i agree it's his news to tell, i'm affected by these results too and have every right to talk to whoever i feel like about it. she's still protecting him. what a 'tard

Yeah, old feelings overlap with new feelings sometimes.

I would like to open everyones mind to possibilities. Not that there is anything wrong with having one love in your life, whatever floats your boat. But other forms of love should not be disregarded as mere infatuation.

Taken from: http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly.html<BR>
The model of heterosexual, monogamous marriage is sanctioned by society, religion, and the law as the only acceptable type of sexual relationship. As a result, most people have not been exposed to other ways of life. In fact, we are so heavily socialized to believe in the ideals of monogamy and marriage, that many people cannot even imagine any other option. Frequent responses to the idea of open relationships are: "But I've never seen one"; "No one I know has ever tried that"; and "There's no way it could possibly work out". People always ask, "But how does it work? What's it like?" In fact, many successful models do exist.

JEALOUSY IS INEVITABLY GENERATED BY OUR CORE BELIEFS

Our society is addicted to three core beliefs about relationships that are almost guaranteed to create jealousy even in the most well-adjusted people. Most of us have absorbed these beliefs without even realizing it. Identifying and dismantling these beliefs in our "heart of hearts" is the single most effective way to short-circuit jealousy. Ask yourself how much of you believes each of these three statements. Is it 90% of yourself that believes them? 50% ? Notice which belief is most entrenched in your subconscious mind and which one you've made the most progress on:

Core Belief #1

If my partner really loved me, (s)he wouldn't have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.

This belief sees any interest your partner has in anyone else as a direct reflection of how much (s)he loves you. It's a quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner. When you break it down, this is as absurd as saying that a couple that gives birth to a second child must not love their first child or they couldn't possibly have any interest in having a second one.

Core Belief #2

If my partner were happy with me, and if I were a good partner/spouse/lover/etc., my partner would be so satisfied that (s)he wouldn't want to get involved with anyone else.

This belief is even more insidious. With the first belief you can at least blame it on your partner for not loving you enough. This belief says that if your partner is interested

it's your fault for not being the perfect lover or spouse and your relationship must be a failure. If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because you're inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time!

Core Belief #3

It's just not possible to love more than one person at the same time.

This belief is built on the "scarcity economy of love", the belief that love is a finite resource, there is only so much to go around, and there is never enough. Therefore, if my partner gives any of her or his love to anyone else, that necessarily means that there's less for me. Because most people already feel there are some areas in their relationship where they are not getting enough of something (time, love, affection, sex, support, commitment) they are fearful that they will receive even less if their partner gets involved with additional partners.

Because each of these beliefs is connected to a very primal fear, they take time and effort to overcome. The first belief expresses a deep fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned. The second taps into our insecurities and the fear that we are not adequate or deserving of love, and the third is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention. So have compassion for yourself and your partner(s) as you work with these beliefs and gradually replace them with beliefs that support your desire to embrace open relationships. Try on these new beliefs instead and see how they feel to you..

New Core Belief #1

My partner loves me so much that (s)he trusts our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more love from others.

New Core Belief #2

My relationship is so solid and trusting that we can experience other relationships freely. My partner is so satisfied with me and our relationship that having other partners will not threaten the bond we enjoy.

New Core Belief #3

There is an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Loving more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand my potential for giving and receiving love.

The fact that these new beliefs sound so strange and almost laughable to us at first shows just how deeply the old paradigm beliefs about love and relationships are ingrained in our consciousness. It also underscores the importance of dissolving these old beliefs if we ever hope to enjoy multiple relationships free of jealousy.

@moonbunny - absolutely. whenever i get the chance to see her. she latches on soooo tight when we hug and it lingers. we hold tight 🙂 i sent her hugs via text this morning. i wish i could see her daily, but right now she's withdrawn. i'm really worried about her. i took a good look at her the other day and she didn't look good. usually when i can get her to come over, i make the atmosphere real chill and relax. we talk about whatever she wants to talk about and she has my undivided attention. i tell her how strong she is and what a beautiful woman she is becoming. she says our relationship has changed her life. i'd love to take care of her while she tends to everyone else, but we just can't seem to get there. it's like he has her in a metaphoric cage and she allows him to keep the key. she doesn't realize she possesses the master key (power), and if she doesn't know it, she's not going to feel it. to her, us being together, no matter how bad she wants it, is impossible 😢

@domanb - agree agree agree. i know more than anyone that we can love more than one person at a time because we love different things about different people. also, the level of love differenciates between those we love, which you illustrate in your "new core beliefs". but i'm talking about a deep/intense/life changing love. i've sincerely loved many people during my life and have had some spectacular relationships with incredible women, but i've never been in love with someone until this cancer girl. never allowed myself to be and not sure i want to do it again with someone else. i may....or not. as much as i love freely, i just don't think i could divide my love from her. i want all my love to focus on her/me/us. she is just coming into her sexuality and i encourage her to experiment (safely). sex does not equate love to me and i'm not threatened by her having sex with someone else. but cancers are different. emotions (seem to) guide their life

I can love other people...I love just about everyone...my friends, family, etc. But as far as being IN LOVE, no...I can only be in love with one person.

Love is not a finite thing. You can love all kinds of people in all kinds of ways. It's not like you only have a limited amount of love to share. I think cancers are like bonobos. We know that love and showing love brings people together and smooths out problems. And it just feels good.

The problem is tryng to find people who can understand that without feeling threatened. Or in sorting out your own boundaries in who you love & how.

But I think people have the capacity to love in ways our culture doesn't condone.

i think her detachment is her way of protecting me. i don't need protecting, i need honesty. i have told her just that. she's got her claws deep into both of us.

When she is being detached its bcuz she is protecting herself from feeling im a Cancer i know how that works.

Read a book called Sex at Dawn. It looks at all kind of human/primate studies and reaches the conclusion that humans are more like bonobos than anything else. We're made to use sex/relationships to facilitate communal bonds, strengthen the group. We're meant to love in many different ways. Being stuffed into a one man/one woman paradigm is fallout from the hierarchical set up of an agricultural society. Once it becomes important to amass wealth and pass it on to a specific genetic path, you try to control who's loving who.

But in reality, we can love all kind of people in all kind of ways. Love is not a zero sum game. They key is to find people that can relate and reciprocate.

Posted by domanb
I would like to open everyones mind to possibilities. Not that there is anything wrong with having one love in your life, whatever floats your boat. But other forms of love should not be disregarded as mere infatuation.

Taken from: http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/poly.html<BR>
The model of heterosexual, monogamous marriage is sanctioned by society, religion, and the law as the only acceptable type of sexual relationship. As a result, most people have not been exposed to other ways of life. In fact, we are so heavily socialized to believe in the ideals of monogamy and marriage, that many people cannot even imagine any other option. Frequent responses to the idea of open relationships are: "But I've never seen one"; "No one I know has ever tried that"; and "There's no way it could possibly work out". People always ask, "But how does it work? What's it like?" In fact, many successful models do exist.

JEALOUSY IS INEVITABLY GENERATED BY OUR CORE BELIEFS

Our society is addicted to three core beliefs about relationships that are almost guaranteed to create jealousy even in the most well-adjusted people. Most of us have absorbed these beliefs without even realizing it. Identifying and dismantling these beliefs in our "heart of hearts" is the single most effective way to short-circuit jealousy. Ask yourself how much of you believes each of these three statements. Is it 90% of yourself that believes them? 50% ? Notice which belief is most entrenched in your subconscious mind and which one you've made the most progress on:

Core Belief #1

If my partner really loved me, (s)he wouldn't have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.

This belief sees any interest your partn