Cancer Ladies, I need your input!

Just in case you would like to read the full story...here is the link to my other post in this forum

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/relationships-astrology/confused-by-cancer-2831913/
Someone politely told me it was incredibly too long...which it is🙂 So i'm going to condense it.

I am a Gemini and she is a Cancer. For five months, she gave me mixed signals. She would say she didn't want a relationship, but then she would contradict herself with her actions. I fell in love with her...couldn't help it really. I felt like Jacob Black in the Twilight movies (please don't hate lol)..."Like when you see her, nothing else in the world matters...suddenly it's not gravity holding you to the earth. it's her. and you'd do anything...be anything for her." that sort of thing...however mushy that may be. I've waited 24 years to say I love you, and I promised myself I wouldn't say it until I meant it. And I did.

She recently found out she has cancer (literally) and decided the emotion of having me around was too much. To say I was completely heartbroken would be an understatement. I knew she wasn't ready, and I would have waited. I was perfectly content to be her friend until she wanted a relationship.

Anway...this isn't the first time she's retreated. She's done it about 3 times. Radio silence for weeks at a time. And I haven't reacted like I should always. But this time, I don't think she'll come back.

Do all cancer's fight love? I have no doubt she felt exactly the same as I did. I could see it in her eyes, in the way she kissed me etc. But she has been hurt in the past. Being vulnerable isn't an option for her. I tried for months to get her to realize I wasn't like everyone else and I'd stay through all her crazy. The last conversation we had was her finally admitting why she hides away for so long...she told me she knew i was different. she felt something for me and she knew i wouldn't leave. and the emotion of that was too much to deal with sometimes. She said every time she lets someone in, they leave.

And then she left...

Any help or suggestions?

Yes we fight love, or at least I do, when I'm afraid of being hurt or burned. Quite honestly, I'm not surprised she ended it when she found out she had Cancer. Newly into someone or a relationship, I probably would have done the same. I would see my life as over, or a different life at the least, and why bring someone into it. Not only would I lose the love of my life possibly, but to put them through the pain and hurt as well if it did become terminal. Too much to unbearly live with, to knowingly inflict pain in someone elses heart is something I don't do..would never do...unless I have it out for ya 😉 lol But that isn't the case here for you lol Don't give up. At least continue to try to be her friend. She needs that...deep down, she wants that too if she does have feelings for you. Sometimes..well all the time...the fairytale kind of love, ending. Even if it means bittersweet.

But shouldn't it be my choice. I made a choice to love her through everything...even if it meant losing her. She should let me worry about my heart. I'd stay with her through anything. I wouldn't leave like everyone else in her life has. I want to help her through all of this and be there for her...in whatever way I can. If that means I'm the person she yells at for the day, i'm okay with that.

but she's blocked me from fb...i don't know where she stays. She moved recently and i never saw the new place. she said she was changing her number, but she hasn't. I really don't know what I can do. I don't want to communicate if she's asked me not to, ya know?

And also..i guess that's what frustrates me the most. she knows everything i said was true. she knows i don't care and i'd be there, but for whatever reason, she's taking the easy road. the road where she doesnt have to be vulnerable. wouldn't you take the road where someone adored you? Wouldn't you want happiness? Because happiness isn't that hard. Falling face first is scary, but it would have been worth it.

It's not your choice in her mind, it's hers. She's in control of her heart, and that's what's most relevant to her. First she's been hurt bad in the past...wall is up. Now she's been diagnosed with Cancer...good thing that wall was up because who knows where my life will be. It's too risky at this point, and even if she does care, she's not sure what is going to happen with her. I hate bringing people into my "drama"...not saying Cancer is drama, but into my shit in life things that are going on. Don't want to drag them in or down.

If you have mutual friends, find out where she lives. Send her flowers. If even one rose if you're tight up on cash. Don't give up. She's doing what SHE has to do, this isn't about you in her mind, this is about her. She's protecting herself from hurt, and from a future at this point is in limbo. She knows your heart means good, but ya know how many men say that? She's afraid you're being true, you're being real. She believes it, but doesn't want to. Because that means she has to put trust into someone, and that in itself is scary. Depend only on yourself, and you're never let down. Keep those words in mind when dealing with a Cancer scorned, hurt by love.

I'm a girl🙂 but then I never clarified that lol ill try the flower thing. Maybe a short text?

Gender doesn't matter lol You could try a text. I'd try the flowers first with a short but nice note 🙂

no it totally doesnt🙂 but you mentioned "do you know how many MEN say that" so i just wanted to clarify🙂 lol

She was very secretive the entire time we saw each other. so, i hadn't met any of her friends etc. she didn't even add me on facebook for four months. trust was always hard and i was working on breaking down her walls. so, ive never met her friends, but she talked about one specific friend a lot. maybe ill try her.

LOL,It seams all Cancers like to block and delete from Facebook nd MSN.
So,am not the only person been blocked :/

I know sometimes when I really like someone I try and fight it or sabotage it sometimes. It's a scary thing or I try and find things wrong with them so I dint have to feel that way. It's a scarythig all around and especially in her situation. I say let her know you wanna be there for her and give her some space. She'll know you care and may begin to let some walls down but if not it's just a protection instinct we have haha. But best of luck and if it was meant to be it'll happen. Just be there but with a little space🙂

Ok so update time...

over the weekend she contacted me...small talk...like nothing had ever happened. So, i was a little confused. I have a blog for just myself that I use to write things out. the day after we talked, she texted again and we got into much deeper conversation. she asked how i had been over the past few weeks, and i told her not good. i didn't feel like explaining it all, so i gave her my blog address and told her to read it. i didn't think she would actually read it. but she did, and an our later she texted to let me know she had read it. apparently, she didn't know she meant that much to me and that i had been in that much pain. she apologized for breaking my heart but said she needed a day or two to just gather her thoughts.


is that good or bad?!?

ok next update...she said she needed time to figure out her thoughts...that she would contact me later. Her answer to me came in this form...she deleted and blocked my mother (who really loved her) from facebook and changed her number.

I don't get it...at all.

Personally speaking from experience, you're way to invested. Flip the coin and if you were her, you'd be freaked out too! She knows how you feel, that's all there is for you to do. Do you, and send good vibes her way and that's it. Stop "trying" to reel her into your sphere.

My girl did (does) the same ish and it drives me batty. Until I realized that I was putting too much energy on her and not enough on me. I know what I want and it's her. If she's to afraid, or hesitant I pull back the cord and let her roam freely.

Fast forward a year and she's the one asking me to propose to her "soonish". They really are slow creatures, and sideways about everything. Just give her lots of breathing room, while still reassuring her that your love is unconditional and for her only and STICK TO IT! I think a lot of the times they wait to see when you're going to change your mind or screw up. They really want you to prove them wrong, they're just really guarded.

Good luck, you'll need plenty of it lol

Oh i know i'm way too invested. everyone tells me and i tell myself to slow down, but i'm telling ya, man. sometimes i physically can't. if there was one character trait of a gemini i was given way to much of it's impatience lol but there's really nothing i can do. how can i show her that i still care if i have no way of telling her? you know what i mean? there are no open modes of communication. i have a blog that i know she keeps up with. i could put some more stuff up there. but other than that, everything makes me look like a stalker. and if she's adament that she doesn't want anything from me, then is it really healthy for me to hang on like that?

cancer women = the most confusing women ever!

Impatience and Cancer = doomsday! lol yea they're pretty confusing to everyone else except to them. Well hun, there's nothing to do. Practice lots of patience and don't wait. I think that's the best advice I can give. Know that you love and want her and that she's special. Buuuuttt she's gotta earn a right to be in your heart. So make her work a little for it. And how do you do that you ask? Let her go. Insert ancient proverb here..."If she comes back then she's yours to keep."

In your case the good thing about Cancers is that if you meant anything to her at all, she'll come around and drop feelers. They hold on to past EVERYTHING. So if you were kind and good to her she won't soon forget.

Time is all you have, so use it to work on you and figure out the stuff you want for yourself and let her miss all the great things that make you, you.

you are wise, grasshoper lol

Very good advice!

lol it's all good...took me 37 years 😛