cancers and their friends

So were I live with just got pelted with possible tornado weather...70 mph winds, golf-baseball size hail etc. I was watching the news as the weather people were saying basically its coming my way. I asked my cancer friend to stay until the storms passed...I didnt want him driving in it...he says oh its fine while laughing at me and leaves. Not even 5 mins later its start to get really dark the sirens start going off...I call him and asked him to turn around ( I seriously didnt want him driving in it and I was scared) he tells me not to worry and I'd be fine and he can't turn around. Then the hail starts and the winds...im on the phone with him grabbing my dog and heading to the bathtub and shaking im so scared ( normally Im not scared of storms..I love them...but with him being out in it ...I just have the worse scenario in my head) he's trying to calm me down on the phone ( which is nice) but it seriously bothered me that he wouldn't turn around, specially cause I was scared and its stupid to drive in tornado weather. I told him this and he says...well what if I would of turned around and he ended up in the storm and died and it missed my apt ...there's two side to a story and you missed that point. I practically begged him to stay before the weather got even bad and just wait it out before driving ...and it seems to me he's calling me selfish...am I wrong in that?

We're supposed to be really good friends...if the situation was reversed...I would have turned around...whether it was my girl or guy friend ...knowing that they were scared etc. It really hurt me...like I can't count on him....which he's always said I could and I believed that but now im not so sure. I know eventually I will get over it but I will put a wall between us because of it...I hate to but it really hurt my feelings..I can't explain how bad it did.

Am I overreacting? Is this normal for cancers? Everything I've read about you guys ...says how nurturing ( which yes he was being on the phone) you are to your friends and family...I kinda considered to be in that catagory ....since he's the one that has told me that. Did I make him uncomfortable for asking him to wait out the storm....I thought you guys loved to be cared about? Why the weird laughter about it? Just trying to understand without making a rash decision etc.

He decieded to leave and he's in one of those moods... probably stuborn and has too much pride to admit it's too dangerous. I'd just let it go

I wouldnt worry about it. He probably had something that he had to do, even if that something was getting home (you know how a cancers home our place of peace). Maybe you should've grabbed him and layed a big fat juicy kiss on his lips. He probably would've stayed then. 😉.

I can't speak for all Cancers but my bf likes to do things his way and doesn't like to be told what to do. When I worry about him he either teases me about it or tells me to stop treating him like a child. (And yeah, his reaction does sometimes hurt my feelings). But I know that despite his outward reaction, he actually likes that I worry about him because it lets him know that I care. (And I know he likes it because he's told me so during serious conversations).

Why did it make you feel that you can't count on him?

Sounds like he was determined to get home, and you have to respect what people want to do, even if it sucks at the moment. I would have asked him once, maybe twice, and left it at that.

Is it more of your feelings that you are wrapped in? Like are you hurt that he didn't listen to, or do what you wanted him too? That he didn't respond the way you would have liked towards you caring? I understand that you were scared for him, but it's one thing to be scared and worry about that person, and it's another thing to take their reactions personal and focus all the emotions inward, which appears in making it all about you. I think that's probably why he feels it was selfish.

I'm sure he liked/loved that you cared.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I guess I just expected him to act like I would...I apologized for it, but I'm still a little upset.

Posted by MoonMan
Firstly, I'm not sure why you felt the need to apologize to him? Unless you really lost the plot, falling out of your tree and running around like a mad woman!

But, anyway..
It's tricky to know how I would react or what decision I would make at the time, as i'm not familiar with the storm, the storm's path, or the geographical location, or where he had to drive to/from and distance, the terrain, distance from medical assistance.. (have I considered enough parameters here, lol)

Either you didn't convey your concerns in the 'right way' or he simply didn't think it was something of concern, maybe he's an outdoorsy bloke who understands nature and figured the risk was low.
From memory he is Cancer sun / Aries rising?, like myself, I mean, we can be fairly 'headstrong' (particularly when younger), all gung-ho, believing we can handle anything :-) show off to the ladies we are tough! haha.
Also the younger Aries rising may lack 'sensitivity' to anothers feelings from time to time, because they act first, think second.
So, what I'm saying is, if you conveyed that your concerns were for his safety and he felt there was no need for concern he may have missed your whole reason, in his own mind, for your request to stay until the storm passed.
However, if you had strongly conveyed that you yourself were frightened and needed his protection till the storm passed he may have made the decision to stay and wait with you. idk.

So, maybe you were feeling emotionally vulnerable at the time (for whatever reason), he didn't pickup on that, and you felt cheated or there was really a miscommunication between you both ( you weren't harmonizing/vibrating on the same wavelength ) It's probably just a storm in a tea cup, pun intended, haha.

Try not to put up a wall between you both, open up to him and ask him why he really didn't stay behind and find a way to let him really understand how hurt you were by his lack of empathy. Don't let your hurt fester inside you, open up with love and honesty to help set it free.
🙂
I'm getting the feeling that maybe the storm is just the catalyst which is bringing up other dynamics which need addressing within the relationship. (just a thought)

+1

@Moonman- Nah I didn't lose my cool...I just simple asked (then asked again after he left) if he would stay til the storm passed. I more so voiced my concern for his safety then me being scared (even though I was) and even if I would have voiced that more...I still don't think he would have stayed and that's what bothers me too....but he is also not obligated to be my knight in shinning amour either.

I did talk to him yesterday and tried to voice this to him and he stated that I should be grateful for the things he has done for me over the years than the things he hasn't done... again I feel like he is calling me selfish and that made me mad and defensive...I never said anything remotely related to that so i dont know where that came from. Hes shelling now...which is fine...if he feels that way then there is nothing I can say to make him feel different.

I have since given up on making our relationship anything else but friends..its going on two years now of us constantly hanging out and I figure if he wanted to be with me more than that...he would be.

So did he call you, Lostinmymind?

No still haven't heard from him ...I dont know if he's giving me space or if he needs the space lol.