Confused

I just discovered this forum last night. Reading through the cancer thread, I have to say a lot of sounds exactly like what I am going through with the cancer man I am "seeing". I wish I would have found this forum a lot sooner. A little about my situation...we met at a restaurant...he was doing some maintenence work for them...I was eating. He came up and started talking to me and got my number as I was leaving. He texted me that night. It started off good...we would text back and forth. Then it started where sometimes he would answer and sometimes he would ignore me. Of course it frustrated the hell out of me. The first time it happened, I told him I would rather he just tell me he doesn't want to talk rather than ignore me. He said he was sorry and he wasn't trying to ignore me. I let him have it a few times after getting so freakin frustrated with him. Now mind you this was before I read up on the cancer traits. But no matter how many times I have bitched him out, he still talks to me, after I have calmed down of course. My problem is he says we are just "friends", and he doesn't want me to fall in love with him. But yet I jokingly told him I had a date and boy did he get mad. And I do mean mad..,went right into his freakin shell. Even after I went to his house and told him I was talking about a date with my bed and my dog whom sleeps with me, he still wouldn't talk to me. As I was leaving his house, he me never to do that again. He is finally starting to open up to me about personal stuff...very slowly. Sorry.,.I.didn't intend to write a book. I guess I just want insight from other cancer's or people who have dated cancer's. This is the first cancer I have ever been involved with.

Let me add..I am a scorpio. Also until next week,I still live with my ex although there is nothing between us. We don't even sleep in the same bed. He knows this as I believe in being honest, but I have also assured him there has been nothing between us for over 8 months. It's just been a matter of convenience not to move out. I am moving out next week because I feel like I will not be able to move forward with my cancer guy til I do. I have never believed in love at first sight but neither have I felt this strong for a guy so soon.

This is the annoying variant of cancer men. "I don't want you, but nobody else can have you." This type of men upset me. i encountered this once, ironically with a cancer man. I cussed him off good. I don't normally lose my temper but their sense of entitlement is too great to not cuss them off.

First of all, you need to get some self-respect. When he got upset with you for having a date with whoever, why did you entertain his temper tantrum? You didn't owe him an explanation whatsoever! You should've punked him off and told him to calm his sense of entitlement. You should've reminded him that he's the one who chose friendship and then he's the one who asked you to not fall in love with him and he's the one who isn't consistent with communication.

My first reaction was laughter...yes I thought it was funny that he got so mad. I did it just to judge his reaction. Afterwards I sent him a pic of my dog and told him that was my date only to be ignored. I left him a message that if he didn't answer my calls, I would go sit at his house until he got home as he had went to watch a game. So I went so he would know I was serious, but as luck would have it, he was home. Yea afterwards I realized I should have threw it in his face that he says we are just friends. Another thing that has me confused is during one of his silent treatments as I call them, I accused him of having a girlfriend. The next time I was at his house, he brought it up. He asked if I was jealous and why. Then he said in a questioning manner, as if he was asking me, that we were just friends. It made me wonder if somewhere along the way I gave him the impression that's all I wanted to be.

Posted by Arielle83
You said you had a "date" to get a reaction.

When really you were just going to sleep alone.


You want to test out how he feels about you.

You hit the nail on the head.

Posted by MiZLeo
Why are you going over to his house like a stalker to explain yourself? Tell that baby to go find his bottle and woobie while he goes and sulks in the corner! Hehe, sorry..can't help myself, I've been dealing with my own baby cancer all day....speaking of which, time to go pat the little guy on the shell that he's been hiding in all day and tell him good night...

OMG...this cracked me up. Yea he has once again gone into his shell. I've told him all along I was moving NEXT weekend. That's when my apt will be ready. For some reason he thought it was this weekend. He asked if I was done moving...told him I wasn't moving til next weekend...I was just trying to get everything packed. He politely called me a liar and retreated to his shell. Oh well...I'll hear from him in a couple of days I'm sure.

^^^Exactly what Arielle said. I've met a few attention whores who can't handle being "ignored"....even though they're not a significant part of my life, even though we're not dating, even though I have a life. Sorry, but that kind of behavior will get a person ignored even more, and maybe I'll call them out on it. This Cancer doesn't want more from you because you've shown that you're a spoiled "princess". Most men sort of go "ewwww" with that.

@Snowprincess just keep your distance. Don't show him you care too much and let him come to you now. Also don't get over emotional or over react about a situation though I know it's hard it will further push him away. Show him you're a level headed woman who's able to control her emotions and let him be the one doing the leading.

Cancers lie a lot too. The guy I knew was a serial liar. He lied about going to clubs to hook up with girls and having dates just to get a reaction out of me and to get me upset. Then admitted he was lying the following day.

Posted by Arielle83
Nawwwe wait a minute.

You texted everyday, right?

Then you "felt" ignored because the texting or talking lessened. This fed on your insecurity and you got all harpy at him because you felt ignored.

You met him when he was working(maintenance at a restaurant). So while you're at a restaurant, eating leisurely, he's working. Shouldn't you assume you're the one with more free time on your hands? Maybe he's not answering you pronto because he is busy working.

So when he doesn't answer you go feral at him? This guy isn't even your bf and you feel you have the right to "bitch him out". Really? This is a MAN, not some petty gf.

So you've emasculated him over your assumption of being ignored. He's told you he isn't ignoring you, but you're demanding and needs attention so now you "jokingly" make up that you have a "date"?

...,with your dog?

Okay this guy clearly can't match or meet your demands so you'd love to do the game/spite thing that demanding insecure women do. Awesome!

Let's see how long until he just changes his number and walks away. Scorpio has the tendency to push cancer to their limits. Plus you've already showed your bad "bitch out" side. Cancer won't forget. Anything you do to put him down will be noted and never forgotten.

Ok back up...one I do not text him while he is at work. I have more sense than that. An occassional good morning or have a great day is all I do during the work day and I don't meccesarily expect a reply to that. When he repeatedly doesn't answer or text back, I consider that being ignored. I haven't exactly bitched him out, maybe I should have worded that different. I have just asked him to let me know if he doesn't want me bothering him as I don't want to be texting or calling someone if he's not interested. Saying I had a date was a joke and was never meant as anything else. Yes I wanted to gauge his reaction as I wanted to know if he had any feelings invested in our relationship. I never thought he would get mad.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Snowprincess

Posted by MiZLeo
Why are you going over to his house like a stalker to explain yourself? Tell that baby to go find his bottle and woobie while he goes and sulks in the corner! Hehe, sorry..can't help myself, I've been dealing with my own baby cancer all day....speaking of which, time to go pat the little guy on the shell that he's been hiding in all day and tell him good night...

OMG...this cracked me up. Yea he has once again gone into his shell. I've told him all along I was moving NEXT weekend. That's when my apt will be ready. For some reason he thought it was this weekend. He asked if I was done moving...told him I wasn't moving til next weekend...I was just trying to get everything packed. He politely called me a liar and retreated to his shell. Oh well...I'll hear from him in a couple of days I'm sure.

He called you a liar because you already have lied. One lie to a cancer and trust is gone. I don't think he's retreated to any shell, he just doesn't want to deal with the headf.uck.

click to expand

Actually no I have never lied to him. It was a joke that he didn't let me finish cuz he got all pissy. For that matter, he's also pulled the same trick by telling me he was moving out of state way before I even pulled the joke on him. Only to tell me later that he wasn't moving only going on vacation,

Posted by LibWman
@Snowprincess just keep your distance. Don't show him you care too much and let him come to you now. Also don't get over emotional or over react about a situation though I know it's hard it will further push him away. Show him you're a level headed woman who's able to control her emotions and let him be the one doing the leading.

I have been keeping my distance...I only text him every few days now unless he texts me first. I have learned to just go with the flow. If he ignores me...I don't say anything about it any more. Once in a while I will make a joke about it but I will put smiley faces or lol so he will know I am just kiddiing.

Posted by LibWman
Cancers lie a lot too. The guy I knew was a serial liar. He lied about going to clubs to hook up with girls and having dates just to get a reaction out of me and to get me upset. Then admitted he was lying the following day.

I believe this is sooo true. They do lie and most of them ain't doing nothing more than thinking bout us but don't want us to cling the same. Play head games and manipulate too. Rolling my eyes thinking bout it now. He doesn't want friendship he wants more lol. Cancers always do sideway things he just not sure yet but he wants more

Posted by goligold
I agree don't bother him while he is working...

I never text or call while he is working. If he texts me first while he is at work, I will text back, but I do not initiate the contact. Like I said the most I will do is say good morning or have a great day and thays maybe once or twice a week, but I don't expect a reply back or get mad if he doesn't reply back to that. I understand he is at work and I don't bother him while he is working.

@goligold...that is what I am hoping. Even though I know there is nothing between my ex and me, I know he can't be sure of that. He is the reason I finally decided to get my butt in gear and get my own place.

Welcome to the club! Yes they ignore you yes they are busy yes they go into their shell yes be strong confident and independent and don't take any shit.

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Welcome to the club! Yes they ignore you yes they are busy yes they go into their shell yes be strong confident and independent and don't take any shit.

Not sure I want to be in this club...lol. Too late now I guess. Thanks for the advice. Contrary to whatever impression I gave some people on here I do not act like a princess (don't let the screen name fool you....it was my dog's name that I had a few years ago.) I am also very independent...I can't stand a guy to be up my ass constantly. I have to have my "me" time away from everyone or I start snapping. I realize I have made some mistakes in dealing with this man. I am also aware I am probably lucky he still speaks to me. But now after researching the traits of cancer men, and stalking the forums on them, I know more of what to do and what not to do. I do believe I was starting to earn his trust because he was starting to open up to me. But I now feel we have taken a step or two backwards. I am hoping with me getting my own place, we can start moving forward and recover the ground we lost.