Confused by a cancer

*Bear with me and please don't call me stupid.* I had been in a relationship for 20 years. He was a narcissist and emotionally abusive. It took me a long time to finally say enough and break free. I broke free 3 Oct 16. We had been seperated since 2015, but i played his games until I said no more in Oct. I know I moved too fast and needed some more time, but I felt like 2015 had been a long time. I know now that emotionally the split was Oct 16. But at any rate I met a man in Oct and we had 5 dates. I understand this isn't a relationship. However I do like him. I see a lot of things we have in common. He is a cancer and I've never went out with one. After the 5th date, he stopped contacting me. I know I gave off vibes that were left over from my abusive relationship and I still needed to work on me. I am working on me. I know I didn't put my best foot forward and I am upset about it. I was cautious the first date and I really thought that would be it, but he hugged me goodbye, I gave him a peck and he asked for my number. Shocked he wanted it, I gave it to him. He texted me everyday after that and asked me out 4 more times. I made most of the first moves and they were not much. Except on date 4 he gave me a very hot kiss. He never complimented me, flirted very little and said he liked me once. But he kept texting and asking me out. He wasn't getting sex, so it wasn't that. He gave mixed messages and then disappeared. I know I was anxious and couldn't relax. I know what I did wrong. I am better now, even dated a couple other guys, but i like him. Will this man ever give me another chance?

Contact him and find out hun x

I'm worried that if I do contact him, he will see me as still being pushy and needy. I know this pushed him away in the first place. I couldn't relax and he told me to stop over thinking and analyzing things. It was very hard to do since my ex kept me on eggshells and gave a double meaning to everything on purpose and analysis was my only survival. I was still in protective mode. I have went out on dates with 2 other guys and I relaxed and enjoyed the evening for what it was, just a date. I've been giving myself self love and building my self esteem and I see myself growing. I'm just not sure if he's gone for good, if he'll likely come back or if I should make the first move. We went out on a Saturday night, and went back to his place. He sent mixed signals from cuddling with me on the couch to acting tired. So I can be blunt, and I asked him if he was going to kiss me or if I needed to go home. He said I'll kiss you, but you have to go home. So I took it as he wanted me to leave right then. I got my stuff, went to the door and he stopped me and kissed me. I asked what was wrong, he said nothing. He walked me to my car and I haven't heard from him since. Not even sure he liked me, but if he's just going slow or in his shell, I don't want to make him retreat further.

Give him a little space to miss you and then message him. Focus on the positive and don't bring up anything negative at all.

It's been almost 2 weeks. Last date was Saturday the 12th. Sunday morning I thanked him for taking me to a show on Sat. And told him I had a great time at the show. (Which I did. At least I got to see STOMP. it was good)

Yes, the guy shut me down. I'm very attractive and I am not at a loss for finding a date.

Abort immediately. He doesn't like you. He just wants to play.

Don't contact him again.

Posted by Secret
Abort immediately. He doesn't like you. He just wants to play.

Don't contact him again.

I'm pretty much thinking this. But I don't understand why he kept asking me out and texting if he didn't like something? What is the game? He wasn't using me for sex. If he had, it would make more sense.

Posted by Lionesskj

Posted by Secret
Abort immediately. He doesn't like you. He just wants to play.

Don't contact him again.

I'm pretty much thinking this. But I don't understand why he kept asking me out and texting if he didn't like something? What is the game? He wasn't using me for sex. If he had, it would make more sense.

click to expand

Cancers are extremely complicated creatures, sometimes it's better not to waste time trying to understand them.

They change their minds all the time. Sometimes they also see small little details about you that they don't like, but will never tell you. A little bit like Virgos.

Stop all comunications. If he likes you he will contact you soon. If not, don't care about it. Just move on.

Posted by Canbullrius
A Cancer like him seems to feel around and use his emotions instead of actual logical decisions.

The narcissism you have mentioned is both harmful to him as it is you, a toxic thing that only ends up in destruction.

I know my ex (Aries narc) is toxic and he influenced the way I interacted with the cancer, but will a cancer ever be able to give this another chance if I get control and refuse to allow the narc to control my reactions? I'm doing better now and reacting different with other guys I've been out with. But this might be because they aren't cancers. I was given advise to not contact him for 30 days. It's been 15 days since I last contacted him. Should I wait 30 days? Not wait? Or just let it go?