Did I mess things up with my cancer guy ? Advice !

I been talking to this guy cancer guy for about 3 months now. I really like him a lot and we have so much in common. He's really shy & I can tell deep down he's sensitive, and he's very guarded with his feelings. Im more out spoken & not shy at all really. About month ago we can to decision that were in an exclusive relationship, meaning not bf & gf yet but on the start to it & not talking to any1 else, just each other. Things were going good, then last weekend he brought up about how he wanted to be in a relationship with me & make it official, it wasn't the best time to talk about it cause I was a little drunk from going out that night & he really wasn't. So at that time I told him I didn't think I could be his gf because hes not open enough with his feelings and I don't know if I can wait 4 forever for him to express himself more because half the time I think he doesn't care or like me as much because he's not as open with his feelings as I am.

Then he started saying that he's just shy and he has affection issues due to family problems growing up & he kinda started to shed some tears but he was hiding his face in the pillow but I could clearly see him crying. The next day we talked about it again when I was sober and he was really upset I could tell because he said I said some things to him that night that really hurt him about me not wanting to be with him etc. I told him I do want to be with him but I just don't know how because Im scared if I love him to much he's going to close me off because he has never someone so affectionate as me before. Then he started kinda crying again saying he hes so use to people leaving him etc and I promised him I would not leave him. After a minutes we got over it and things remained cool. But I knew in the back of my mind I wish I would have said yes to being his gf n just taking the chance even tho he has emotional issues. We kissed goodbye and I thought things were still cool. Well ever since last weekend he hasn't text or called me in 4 days. Im upset because I really like him so much and my feelings are getting stronger and stronger as each day passes.

Its not like him to just not call me or text. So on day 4 of us not talking I figured Id call him and say hi, and the conversation was just so weird and not normal, it was almost like we were strangers talking for the first time. Then later that night I texted him asking him a random question and he respond very bland. Then I texted him and just told him I felt like he hasn't been talking to me latey and was he upset, did I do something wrong ? His respond was "No, Im just getting ready to go to bed, that's all" and I said to him "No that's not what I meant, I felt like we haven't talked to for a few days & even our phone convo wasn't the same" I got no response after that, but I figured he must have fell asleep. But so far today even though its only around 3pm he hasn't responded back to me at all. At this point I don't know what to do. But I don't know how he can think its okay to just not talk to someone 4 for days that you really like care about it. Because Im use to him talking to me every single day. But now at the same time I don't want to be a pest. I know he got that text message but I feel like hes avoiding answering the question. And it's making me so sad and now regretful that maybe I should have said yes to being his gf. I just don't know what to do at this point !

He tried to open up to you and you rejected him -- at least, that's the way he sees it.

Cancer's need a lot of security before the can start opening up. You two becoming official was this security so he could start to express himself, and you said no. It takes security first, then time. Lot's of time, before they open up.

This was him trying to start opening up, and you probably hurt him pretty bad. (not that you meant too).

I would suggest waiting the day out, he's hurt and confused, probably needs time to get a hold of his emotions and thoughts. If he doesn't text you by tomorrow or the next day, I would sed him a message saying something like "I'm sorry about what happened, I was drunk at the to me. I want to be with you still. At least give us a chance." (but only say that last bit if you really mean it.)

I wouldn't email him unless you've communicated that way before. And don't seem too desperate about it.

Stop chasing him, it will only make matters worse, I agree with Airy that you rejecting him has really put a dent in the situation, give him a few weeks to get it together, for now just shift the importance and attention off of him b/c really too much of that will only serve to make him feel uncomfortable and shift it back onto yourself, get busy with your life and he'll show up again but this time please think before you speak, I mean who says I don't think I can be your girlfriend, I mean what was that? He may have some issues but you have foot in the mouth itis. To be that critical of a guy you say you like is not very nice behavior.

The thing is when we first started talking, and even until now it was me really letting him know how I feel. I'm a cancer as well, and venus is in leo, his venus is in virgo, so Im really not as shy as he his and I really put myself out there, I wear my heart on my sleeve. From the start I been very affection and open with him, so he knew always that I liked him & I wanted to be in a relationship. And at that time he told me that he didn't want a relationship at the time & that he wanted to take things slow, then he went a whole month without seeing me, or wanting to hang out, I would try to ask to him hang out & he would be always busy or wouldn't get my hints that I wanted to hang out. He is a great guy but at that point I felt like I was putting myself out there & there I was standing alone. So I gave him space, we talked everyday through text but I never asked him to hang out until finally he asked me to come over, and from that point on we were seeing each other every weekend having a great time & I did notice him opening up to me as well as his parents. But he still was so distance at times from me & I told him about it & even brought up the fact why he's never told me he likes me, I know he does but why ? I tell him he's so great and amazing all the time, making him feel so special but he never tells me those things about me, so I wonder, I know he likes me but am I as special to him as he is to me ? So at point, I guarded up my feelings and pretend to like him more then a friend cause I knew he likes me more then a friend but not as much as I truly felt, cause I felt like I could be falling for him. So thats why last weekend, our bday weekends I got kinda drunk, when we went back to his house thats when he said he wanted to ask me to be his gf and that wants to be with me. I said all that stuff because I feel like I put myself out there so much with him and he doesn't express have of what he feels. I know he says he likes me but it feels like the kindergarten kind of like cause he's so shy and doesn't know how to express himself 2 much, its just not real enough for me. Were both adults I dont want to feel like what we have is a "crush" I want to feel more then that. And sure he can say a lot of things but and I do want to be his gf but I said no just for now because his actions aren't making me feel secure with him.

Plus, this whole thing is the second time he pulled the im ignoring the situation act. 2 months ago I didn't seem him for a whole month because he was in a crabby mood and he was scared of falling for me to fast so he would ignore hanging out with me, change the topic or at clueless when I wanted to hang out. And instead of being honest and telling me "hey I rather not hang out with for awhile due to whatever the reason" he kept making it like he was busy or acting clueless about me wanting to hang out. So I felt for that whole month I did something wrong when I really didn't, it was just him needing his space or whatever. And now I guess because he maybe felt like I rejected him hes just not going to text or call me it seems so far. And thats why I was saying no in first place because Im scared when hes going through one of his moods hes going to pull this disappearing act instead of just facing the issue head on he ignores it. He knows its probly upsetting me because we haven't talked in 4 days. If he feels hurt and rejected I can try to understand, but this whole 3 months I been pouring my heart out to him, driving almost an 50mins away every weekend to see him, which he doesn't even have a car or drive so its me making the trip and if we go out somewhere I take us. I beeen doing so much and putting so much into this and just because in the most 6th grade way he ask me to be his gf I should say yes... what the 3rd time out 3 months hes opened up ? I really want to be with him but I knew saying yes wouldn't change how I feel about this not feeling real enough, I want to feel like Im dating a man who is sure about his feelings then someone who is unsure and so shy like 1st grader. Hes wonderful in everyway besides that fact, which happens to be a huge problem. I know if he is upset then I can try to understand but I cant understand if he wont talk to me or just ignores my text messages. I can't be the only one trying he has to meet me half way. I feel like I text him and explain how I feel hes just not going to respond or it could push him away more. I just don't know !

The reason why Im so in shock is because even after all that when I left his house things were cool, I figured we were still going to stay exclusive & with time see how it goes so he can open up more cause I have to be sure with him and I want him to be sure with me. I kissed him goodbye and everything and it was normal. So for him to just hit me up at all is just so odd to me that maybe he was just acting like everything was cool, Idk. But either way, him not responding to my text message when I asked him what was up, he never answered the second time.

Posted by moongirljj
You are right he does need to meet you half way. Wow what a head f*ck!

If it was me I would probably tell him where to go, I couldn't take someone disappearing like that. If you have been doing most of the running and it doesn't bring him closer, then I think it's time to do the opposite.

Yeah Im really trying. I just feel so stupid because I see him on fb & twitter, he can post on there but he can't take the time to send me a text message. Im not a demanding person and I don't expect to talk to him 24/7. But going 4 days for the first time ever without talking is just so strange to me. We have had our issues but we have never just not talked before like this. And once again it was me reaching out asking him whats wrong & it seems like this time he doesn't want to tell me or talk about it. So maybe it's really done. I mean crap I know he has his pride, but I need to have some pride to, I can't make myself look like a fool if he's just ignoring my text messages not answering. It's not like he didn't get it, he read it and he choosed not to talk to me. It's more disappointing if anything.

Rejection hurts! If you give him some time he'll stop ignoring you but he has to process things first, sometimes we women can get in our own way by pushing a man too hard and chasing men for validation and reciprocation.

I promise you if you stop watching him online, reaching out to him via text etc and shift the focus back onto yourself and go do your own thing he'll be back in no time and then you can deal with it if he's open to it, but sitting around worrying about it will only escalate your emotions, create negative feelings, make it bigger than what it already is and make matters worse, you can bounce back from this but on some level you have to stop dwelling over it and let it be whatever it is and look forward to a new opportunity to resolve things and move forward.

Also when men feel criticized the way they handle that is to ignore the person that is making them feel less than worthy, when men feel under appreciated they just ignore the source of discomfort, if you understand that then you'll be able to better comprehend his behavior towards you. Nothing stays the same, everything changes and if you allow enough space between the 2 of you he'll shift into thinking about all the things he love about you and forget the bad stuff but that can take a week or longer for that to happen, if you don't reach out on a constant he'll have time to forget all the bad stuff, well maybe not forget but he'll be more willing to focus on the good rather than the bad.

Maybe this will teach you to keep it simple, a yes or a no would have done wonders for this particular situation, even I'm drunk/tipsy let's talk about this another time would have been much better than rejecting dude flat out.

Posted by moongirljj
I really do feel for you. Do you know his chart? and how old is he?

I have been having problems with my Cancer guy and he almost left, but he never disappears. Even now the moment he signs online I get a message.

It seems like in this case he just knows he has you where he wants you so takes you for granted. He may be testing to see how much he can get away with so imo you need to start showing him you expect better. Perhaps even tell him if he plans to vanish again you wont be waiting. I think theres a difference between a guy being in his shell and plain bad behavior.

He should be considering your feelings too.

His chart and he's just turned 26
Sun-Cancer
Moon-Aquarius
Mercury-Leo
Venus-Virgo
Mars-Capricorn
Jupiter-Pisces
Saturn-Sagittarius
Uranus-Sagittarius
Neptune-Capricorn
Pluto-Scorpio
Lilith-Gemini
Asc node-Aries


And yeah your right, I like him very much but Im not going to sit around and be anyones fool. Your not always going to like what people say but if they still stick around and care you and clearly still want to be with you, you don't just disappear from them. I can't wait around because Im the type of person who likes to talk about the issue head on. I know some people are like that, but I need to know you care enough to work through it, not when its right for you, while I wait for you to talk to me. Thats not cool and it is just rude and inconsiderate on his part. Im not going to be mean to him but if he doesn't text me within the next few days I think Im going to just be done with it. Me and him can be cool but whatever he could have had is just over cause I can't have someone play with my feelings just because they are unsure of their owns.

i'm curious, can you put up his birth info (time/location) and yours too? i can't offer much but i like to look.

Posted by tiki33
Also when men feel criticized the way they handle that is to ignore the person that is making them feel less than worthy, when men feel under appreciated they just ignore the source of discomfort, if you understand that then you'll be able to better comprehend his behavior towards you. Nothing stays the same, everything changes and if you allow enough space between the 2 of you he'll shift into thinking about all the things he love about you and forget the bad stuff but that can take a week or longer for that to happen, if you don't reach out on a constant he'll have time to forget all the bad stuff, well maybe not forget but he'll be more willing to focus on the good rather than the bad.

Maybe this will teach you to keep it simple, a yes or a no would have done wonders for this particular situation, even I'm drunk/tipsy let's talk about this another time would have been much better than rejecting dude flat out.

Yeah your right. Honestly. But I think he was more upset at the fact that he knows because Im so loving he knows he wouldn't be able to handle it, the next day that we were sober and talked, I told him " I have so much love to give you, but I don't think you can handle it" and he kinda was crying and said "he knows and Im right" and he hates thats the way he is because he said he know he pushes people away that care him and he said he was going to change. And I think its going to be awhile before he can fully let someone in. But all I can say was he knew I was a great girl and I truly cared for him, and I tried my best to make him happy, took him out for his birthday and spent money on him, like everything, and he said that I was only one who truly understands him and I do, he probly feels he cant cry or open up like that with his friends, he can show his more emotional side to me. But even tho how he picked to end things I guess, then maybe one day he will realize. But till then Im moving on, I can't wait around for someone. Some people don't know real love when they see it, they always take things for granted.

Criticism is " I have so much love to give you, but I don't think you can handle it" and he kinda was crying" step out of your narrow view of "me mode" and look at what you said...How would you feel if someone made you cry? How would you feel if someone criticized you about how incapable you are at loving the other person? How would you feel if the person you liked or maybe even loved didn't have faith in you and used your wounded pain from your past against you? I mean come on, would you really want to be around a guy that was being this way with you, you'd probably feel like crap every time you came around the person and would feel like crap inside even if it appeared you were okay at that moment.

Either you accept him as is he or leave him alone, he can't change for you anyway and why would you want him to, if you don't like how he is leave him alone.

I don't know if your love was real or not but I know if a man talked to me the way you talked to him I'd feel like utter shit and avoid him as much as possible, at least avoid him until I felt much more balanced and stronger inside. It doesn't matter how much you give someone, it doesn't matter how much you say you love a person if your words bite to the bone and hurt someone, I wouldn't want to be around someone that criticized me and made me cry so I don't see how his behavior is wrong.

Not only should you apologize, you should have the patience to allow him the space to get over all the drama and hurt you created between the 2 of you. Making someone cry is not nice.

the very thing he should be doing is distancing himself, I'd protect myself too if a person made me cry and made me feel like shit after I spilled my guts and laid it all out on the table, if I asked a guy to be my boyfriend and instead of getting yes or no he's running around in circles about how I can't love him blah blah blah I'd probably react the exact same way and just leave it alone for awhile. Don't proceed to hurt someone and then wonder why that person doesn't want to be bothered.

Posted by rabidtalker
i'm curious, can you put up his birth info (time/location) and yours too? i can't offer much but i like to look.

Sex M
Pittsburgh, PA 42 United States 07/22/1986 11:03pm 23:04 - Julian day 2446634.63
Adjust 4.00 ST 17.46 Lat 40.26 Long 79.59


Sex F
Pittsburgh, PA 42 United States 07/21/1989 3:01am 03:01 - Julian day 2447728.79
Adjust 4.00 ST 21.37 Lat 40.26 Long 79.59

Posted by tiki33
Criticism is " I have so much love to give you, but I don't think you can handle it" and he kinda was crying" step out of your narrow view of "me mode" and look at what you said...How would you feel if someone made you cry? How would you feel if someone criticized you about how incapable you are at loving the other person? How would you feel if the person you liked or maybe even loved didn't have faith in you and used your wounded pain from your past against you? I mean come on, would you really want to be around a guy that was being this way with you, you'd probably feel like crap every time you came around the person and would feel like crap inside even if it appeared you were okay at that moment.

Either you accept him as is he or leave him alone, he can't change for you anyway and why would you want him to, if you don't like how he is leave him alone.

I don't know if your love was real or not but I know if a man talked to me the way you talked to him I'd feel like utter shit and avoid him as much as possible, at least avoid him until I felt much more balanced and stronger inside. It doesn't matter how much you give someone, it doesn't matter how much you say you love a person if your words bite to the bone and hurt someone, I wouldn't want to be around someone that criticized me and made me cry so I don't see how his behavior is wrong.

Not only should you apologize, you should have the patience to allow him the space to get over all the drama and hurt you created between the 2 of you. Making someone cry is not nice.

I really don't believe I criticized him, I was just being honest with him. I have opened up to him so many times and he has just pushed me away every time I get close to him. Im happy that he opened up to me but at the same time I can't just lie to myself or to him. Because he know's Im right, he's not ready, thats why his last relationships didn't last. Because he's so sensitive he hides it so well. But he has to think, how he made me feel, it was like right after we had sex he just out of no where didn't want to see me, and hang out, and i felt totally rejected and hurt. He didn't see me for a whole month. I was so upset because I really kept trying to see him and finally when we did talk he said he just needed his space and he didn't want a relationship, and that im young and pretty. pretty much telling me not to get attached a

and im single and young and pretty, pretty much telling me to do my own thing. Then he starts to want to hang out more and noticing guys hitting on me or trying to talk to me which I don't talk to any of them, and then he kinda wants a relationship now, when I pretty much wanted that. I put my self out there and got rejected pretty much felt like and he knew that I liked him so he wasn't worried about me really probly talking to other guys, I made it 100% sure my feelings for him were true and never really did the same to me. Im happy he opened up but I can't wait around for someone who is not emotionally stable with their feelings if they can't even meet me half way. If there is ever an issue he acts salty towards me and I know to just not even bother him, and he ends up not talking to me like or trying to not hang out. I just want him to show me a little more and make sure this thing is what he really wants. I do believe he really likes me for him to open up and shed a few tears like that. But I been so confused with his feelings for me and him never experessing it kinda came out of no where. But no matter what he still shouldn't just not talk to me, even more so after everything seemed perfectly fine when i left his house. He clearly is upset if hes not talking to me or responding to my text messages, so if thats they way he felt he should have told me he was upset still about everything when i was leaving, instead of kissing me goodbye and acting like everything was fine. cause if he would have said something then, if he felt like he cant or doesn't want to talk to me anymore then he should have just told me that to my face and I wouldnt be sitting wondering what the problem is. It's just to much stress for something that shouldn't be so stressful.

hey radar, you have your pluto right smack dab in the middle of his mars-venus trine. google "mars sextile pluto synastry" and "venus sextile pluto synastry"

he also has moon in the 12th house, look that up (fear of abandonment). i can tell you feel quite disrespected from his shifting/hiding routine but remember, that is a crab thing. give him a break on that, remember you were drunk and he probably thinks you were being more honest because you were drunk and you might have said more than you remember.

Your mars and venus also oppose his moon, you can look that up too (google it).


In a nutshell, you have a tendency to scare the crap out of him, lol, but if you can take it easy, it will pay off.

now pardon me while i drink this scotch 😉

oh, one caveat, i'm not very good at this stuff but i'm better than your average bear. 🙂

Posted by rabidtalker
hey radar, you have your pluto right smack dab in the middle of his mars-venus trine. google "mars sextile pluto synastry" and "venus sextile pluto synastry"

he also has moon in the 12th house, look that up (fear of abandonment). i can tell you feel quite disrespected from his shifting/hiding routine but remember, that is a crab thing. give him a break on that, remember you were drunk and he probably thinks you were being more honest because you were drunk and you might have said more than you remember.

Your mars and venus also oppose his moon, you can look that up too (google it).


In a nutshell, you have a tendency to scare the crap out of him, lol, but if you can take it easy, it will pay off.

now pardon me while i drink this scotch 😉

i have no idea what synastry means, I typed it in but I don't know what Im reading. Im on http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/venus_pluto_aspects.html which one would he & I be ? Also what do you mean scare the crap out of him ? Im not a mean or demanding person.

Posted by rabidtalker
hey radar, you have your pluto right smack dab in the middle of his mars-venus trine. google "mars sextile pluto synastry" and "venus sextile pluto synastry"

he also has moon in the 12th house, look that up (fear of abandonment). i can tell you feel quite disrespected from his shifting/hiding routine but remember, that is a crab thing. give him a break on that, remember you were drunk and he probably thinks you were being more honest because you were drunk and you might have said more than you remember.

Your mars and venus also oppose his moon, you can look that up too (google it).


In a nutshell, you have a tendency to scare the crap out of him, lol, but if you can take it easy, it will pay off.

now pardon me while i drink this scotch 😉

what is his moon in the 12th house ?

keep in mind, if this resonates then that is cool, if not then dont worry about it. you are pluto, he is venus/mars.

synastry is the chart comparison between two people.

his moon is in his natal 12th house:
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/mooninhouses.html<BR>
your mars and venus oppose his moon (read moon opposition mars and moon opposition venus):
http://www.skyviewzone.com/lovematch/moonsynastryaspects.htm<BR> http://sasstrology.com/2009/12/moon-mars-in-synastry-gender-differences-and-aspect-interpretations.html<BR>

i said you scared the crap out of him because he may interpret you aspecting his moon to be more than he is used to, since his moon is in a place where he likes to keep hidden, so you may be scaring him with your mars/venus opposition to it. mars opposition moon (look under "the square and opposition"):
http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/moon_mars_aspects.html<BR>

Posted by rabidtalker
keep in mind, if this resonates then that is cool, if not then dont worry about it. you are pluto, he is venus/mars.

synastry is the chart comparison between two people.

his moon is in his natal 12th house:
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/mooninhouses.html<BR>
your mars and venus oppose his moon (read moon opposition mars and moon opposition venus):
http://www.skyviewzone.com/lovematch/moonsynastryaspects.htm<BR> http://sasstrology.com/2009/12/moon-mars-in-synastry-gender-differences-and-aspect-interpretations.html<BR>

i said you scared the crap out of him because he may interpret you aspecting his moon to be more than he is used to, since his moon is in a place where he likes to keep hidden, so you may be scaring him with your mars/venus opposition to it. mars opposition moon (look under "the square and opposition"):
http://www.cafeastrology.com/synastry/moon_mars_aspects.html<BR>

what house is my moon in ?

Posted by radar10
what house is my moon in ?

Yours is in the 10th house

Posted by caesarkreshen
Self fulfilling prophecy. You gotz cut off by fearing being cut off.

I will bet anything that he'll be back, though, just give him space. Work on preparing what you're going to say now.

Don't fuck it up a second time.

-CK

There have been a roller coaster of emotions with him and me both. But I guess I'll see if he comes back, he would be crazy not to

Posted by caesarkreshen
Self fulfilling prophecy. You gotz cut off by fearing being cut off.

ck is intuitively accurate, the 12th house is traditionally called the house of self undoing and there could be a tendency of cutting himself off from his security needs. or he could alternatively project out this need to the world by attracting needy people (not saying you are), or by only responding to very needy people, or he could come across as very needy without realizing it. the 12th house is generally what everyone else can see, but we ourselves can not.

Posted by radar10
There have been a roller coaster of emotions with him and me both. But I guess I'll see if he comes back, he would be crazy not to

click to expand

Why dont you just call him up and talk to him and say you want to be his girlfriend? That would probably settle a few things pretty quickly. If it starts to suck then break up and move on. That way the whole thing between you is settled and you can move forward rather than sideways, even if moving forward is you disappearing.

Of course you don't believe it because you don't want to take ownership of your behavior, I notice we humans doing that a lot of the time. You hurt someone and instead of owning it you're making it his fault as if he is doing something wrong and in reality you hurt a guys feelings, own it, apologize for it and move on from it. Sometimes we as humans try to protect ourselves from being hurt and in the midst of protecting ourselves from hurt we instead hurt another human being.

@Moon....LOL....I didn't expect you to

Posted by caesarkreshen
Self fulfilling prophecy. You gotz cut off by fearing being cut off.

I will bet anything that he'll be back, though, just give him space. Work on preparing what you're going to say now.

Don't fuck it up a second time.

-CK

+1

Posted by tiki33
Of course you don't believe it because you don't want to take ownership of your behavior, I notice we humans doing that a lot of the time. You hurt someone and instead of owning it you're making it his fault as if he is doing something wrong and in reality you hurt a guys feelings, own it, apologize for it and move on from it. Sometimes we as humans try to protect ourselves from being hurt and in the midst of protecting ourselves from hurt we instead hurt another human being.

@Moon....LOL....I didn't expect you to

Im not saying that this is all his fault, we both can be indirect with each other at times, but him way more then me. He takes his good old time so whenever I want the truth of something I wait to wait till hes ready and when he says things to me sometimes, it comes off as if he doesn't really care or feel strongly about me as I do about him. I believe in his heart he does but with the way he expresses himself its so sideways and backwards I don't know what to think have the time. My feelings aren't secure with him because he hides a lot of his emotions so I have a right to sit there and tell him how I honestly feel. Im not hurting his feelings Im being honest and he knows Im being honest, he even said it himself hes upset because he knows the way he is keeps him from being with a person like me. And he knew I was right about us not being together right now. I think it's anything, him being upset with himself because he knows that shy & the way he's scared to show affection a lot of people don't want to deal with cause he has a hard time being up front and real with his feelings, so he knows his coldness at times pushes people away, but really he's not so cold hes super sensitive inside so but he puts up the front cause he just can't express himself enough. I'm still going to be try to be there for him but I can't do anything with someone who wants to run from the issues when Im trying to slowly enter his heart and be understanding of what he wants. But he has to meet me half way and not just run away. Because right now I get the impression he doesn't honestly care & maybe he's just just over it. Its hard for me to image because he knows how much of a wonderful person I was to him and how much I did for him. But I can't be sad about it and keep trying if something is just pushing away from me & not even talking about the issue. I made it cl

I made it clear I was wondering what was going on because I asked him through text and never got a response. I have to just leave the ball in his court & wait for him to come around, but my heart am Im asking my really should I wait ? Why is that fair. I shouldn't have to "wait" for anyone if I mean something to them. They are not going to just not respond to me and leave me hanging.

@rabidtalker "Why dont you just call him up and talk to him and say you want to be his girlfriend?"

Because I honestly don't want to be his girlfriend right now, the time when we first started talking everything was good and he didn't act all emotional, sensitive, cranky as he does now. At that moment I was really going above and beyond for him even though he had no title then & I saw myself being with him because he had so much fun, things in common, talked for hours and he was opening up in a good way. Myabe he was scared of falling for me deeper at that time or maybe he was feeling that I was really starting to like him, or maybe just scared of being really happy for the first time in long time idk but whatever it was it he didn't want to hang out, and that lasted for a whole month of us not seeing each other. And he really could and never did me and honest answer because thats how he is, when something good happens, he runs away, goes into shell. We still talked via text that whole time but it just wasn't the same knowing he would act aloof about hanging out. Then finally he wants to start hanging out again, and we do. Its just I can't risk getting hurt with him hes a perfect guy all the way around, its just his emotions and keeping himself so hidden is whats making me not want to be his girlfriend. I did want to be his girlfriend but when I really thought long and hard about it, I have to be with someone who is emotionally ready to be in a relationship, being honest n open about feelings, cause a relationship is based on feelings. If you dont have a person opening up to you, keeping their feelings hidden, or just leaving/want space all the time, over little things or just out of no where. I can't deal with that. Im not saying I don't want anything with him, I want to continue to date, get to know each other more, so we both can learn to open up more so a REAL relationship could work. Thats why I said Im not leaving him and wiling to stick around because I do want this with him but I know right now we cant not be together. It would just be a relationship with uncontrollable feelings would probly cause us to break up sooner then later. I said what I said to him because I care about him truly and I don't want to the girl he dates for two months and they break up like his last gf. I want the real thing, thats why him is last gf broke up because of emotions & her just wanting it more for sex ( although thats not want I want ).

@rabidtalker "Why dont you just call him up and talk to him and say you want to be his girlfriend?"

He has to be secure with himself in a relationship. If he was secure with himself and was able to give me the affection I need then yes right now we would be together. But sometimes what you realize you wanted so badly isn't really what you need at the moment and thats the case here. I realized that we need to spend more time together, and let the passion build before we get real serious. He needs to grow up more in love, his love is of the high school sort, and mines is much more mature and passionate I think. But him just ignoring me is not going to fix anything, its just make me feel like he doesn't care.

It's his way of expression that you don't understand, maybe you need more validation because that's what you're used to having from men, that's not really realistic, people are different and you can't just expect every guy you date to be like all the others (expressive and communicative and demonstrating passion)he is who he is right now..take it or leave it

"Im not hurting his feelings Im being honest and he knows Im being honest, he even said it himself hes upset because he knows the way he is keeps him from being with a person like me. "

You're really young and I don't expect you to grasp this b/c I'm older than you but honesty is really wonderful but with the wrong delivery it can be very hurtful as well. You reject him in a way that doesn't appear sensitive but more hurtful than anything. Maybe you were frustrated with him, maybe you wanted to get back at him for something, we won't really know but hurtful is hurtful no matter how honest you were being with him.

"Because I honestly don't want to be his girlfriend right now,"

Then why such the big deal of him not talking to you...If you don't want to be his girlfriend right now then it's really okay for him to move on without communicating...Right?

"Thats why I said Im not leaving him and wiling to stick around because I do want this with him but I know right now we cant not be together."

You're not leaving him and that encourages his behavior and encourages the behavior to escalate which only serves for this behavior to get worse and worse, if he has zero consequences then he has no incentive to change or even want to change...You understand you deserve more but you're willing to stick around and take less so you get less and less. Take the high road, cut the dude off and move on but before yo do that make sure he understands if and when he comes back into your life the next time he disappears he's not welcomed to come back again b/c really you can't take a man seriously that comes in and out of your life, he'll understand.

What I said was not mean to hurt him, just like before he said to me he didn't want a relationship, When I wanted it, he didn't want and now that he wants it, I don't want it right now. He told me in the same way I told him, but I was least reassuring him that I still want to be in his life and just see how things could go. I had no reassurance when he told me that the first time, and it was in the most careless way I felt, he couldnt even call me he hand to send it through text. I was upset and hurt and then all those walls I broke down for him came right back up again. But even tho I felt rejected I still tryed for him and I didn't just disappear or ignore him. I don't care if hides his feelings or whatever but flat out ignoring someone on purpose is just rude and carless, if you don't want to talk for a few days, or it at all for that matter then just simply tell them... and I never did that to him. You can have the guts and the courtesy to simply tell a woman you don't want to talk to her anymore or you need your space, that would save a lot of confusion. call me crazy, and before when he didn't want to see me for a whole month he finally told that just because he needed his space and he didn't want to look like a jerk so he just ignored it or didn't bring it up & i think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually be honest and have a conversation with me about whats going on because here's what avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy.

"What I said was not mean to hurt him,"

I know but that's how life is sometimes, we say our truth and hope it's translated over with compassion but sometimes we as humans miss the mark and hurt others anyway.

"He told me in the same way I told him, but I was least reassuring him that I still want to be in his life and just see how things could go. I had no reassurance when he told me that the first time, and it was in the most careless way I felt, he couldnt even call me he hand to send it through text."

And the irony of it all is you still want to be in his life and make it work, if someone treats you this way why have him in your life? You attempting to remain in his life encourages his behavior towards you, if you don't care for how a man treats you then either cut him off or at the least put some healthy distance between the both of you....Just seems more tit for tat behavior from you both, he did that so I did this kind of thing.

"But even tho I felt rejected I still tryed for him and I didn't just disappear or ignore him. "

And that's YOU, you can't expect him to be like you, to expect that from him will surely keep you in a bad emotional space when you realize he's not going to measure up, relationships aren't tit for tat, some people won't meet you half way no matter how much you expect them to.

"call me crazy, and before when he didn't want to see me for a whole month he finally told that just because he needed his space and he didn't want to look like a jerk so he just ignored it or didn't bring it up & i think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually be honest and have a conversation with me about whats going on because here's what avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy."

He's not fair with you I agree but you're on some level inviting all this into your life, I can't help wonder why you allow him back in if he's being unfair and showing so much apathy and disrespect, on some level you have to take responsibility for allowing this kind of guy in your life, you give and give only for him to ignore you and you allow him back in after he's done ignoring you only for the cycle to repeat itself, somethings wrong with him but my question is what's wrong with you that you keep allowing this to go on. Your expectations are unrealistic, you expect him to be a certain way when he's clearly demonstrated that he's incapable, stop kicking that dead horse.

Me and him are still not talking, but i say him put on his facebook status update "Sometimes distance gives you the perfect point of view"

I wonder he means by that ?

My suggestion is to go out and get some air, stop worrying about this guy, you've invested so much of yourself that your now hoovering and silently stalking and chasing him online, I'm not putting you down b/c most of us have been in your shoes, you have the ability to hide his post on FB which will prevent you from obsessing and give it some time or you'll drive yourself batty, if you're going to stay in this in and out up and down situation the least you can do is go out and have some fun, your too beautiful to sit around worrying about some guy that's not 100% available.

My heart really go out to you, I've been in your shoes and it's not fun what your going through, your young, please don't waste another minute worrying about a man that's not worrying about you.

To sit here and act like I don't care would be a lie. Yes I told him I didn't want to be his gf but that's the honest truth. I don't think we can be together now but I'm not saying ever, I want us to grow together more and him open up a bit more before we get really serious. And maybe it was my bad on my part thinking he wasn't opening up enough, and relaizing that maybe to him, evn tho it wasn't much to me, that it was him opening up to me much more in that moment. And if he felt I rejected him in a bad way, then for that I'm truly sorry and I have no problem telling him I'm sorry. But he just pretty much has been not talking to me and ignoring me almost so clearly is something is wrong but he hasn't spoke out on it. So how can I say sorry if I don't even know what he's mad about excatly. I really like him and care about him and I want for us to be together but just take it slow for now. I didn't mean never or whatever he might have thought. I just want a chance to talk to him and understand why he's ignoring me n not talking to me and what we can do to fix it. So today I figured enough was enough, its been a week n if he needed his space I gave him enough time but I need answers cause its upseting more then I thought it would. So I texted him a fairly decent long text message and told him that i clearly know he's ignoring me and I want to know what I did so wrong that he can't even talk to me. And he told me that he's use to people leaving him but I told him that I never would n meant that, but he's pushing me away n won't tell me. And I told him I'm surre he won't respond back but I'm just letting him know how I feel n I truly care for him. He hasn't texted back yet and I just sent it, so I guess we will see. If he doesn't text me back at all then I guess its really done. Its a shitty way to end things but I guess I will have no choice but accept it for what it is n move on.

I can't say I didn't try 😢

Watching two cancers try to get together is pretty painful, at least you tried and now have closure. good luck.

"I can't say I didn't try "

You shouldn't have to try, MEN WHO WANT YOU "TRY" FOR YOU, you trying only translates over to him as desperation, stop trying and just do nothing, you'll notice a shift in his behavior when he realizes you "GET IT" right now you don't get it and so you're seeing the end result of that.

He's ignoring you because he's ignoring you...His reason is just an excuse to get you to back off, stop text messaging this guy and back off, right now you're appearing like a naggy wife or his mother and that will only create more distance.

Stop the needy behavior, you DON'T NEED him to give you an explanation and you don't need him to text you back and you don't need to resolve and apologize and you can't control him nor can you control the outcome, all you can control is you and your behavior. He's ignoring you to keep you at arms length b/c he doesn't want to be with anyone on a constant basis, if you understand that you'd stop chasing him and go do something more productive with your life besides think about a guy that isn't thinking about you.

If you tolerate his behavior in essence you are telling him it's alright to treat you this way. The more you tolerate, the more he will continue to treat you with apathy and disinterest. The more he continues, the more resentment that builds up in you which will only make you feel like you need to do something to stop it which only fails and creates more distance between the 2 of you. It's a vicious circle. If you wonder, "why is he ignoring you", maybe you might want to think about why he thinks he can ignore you and get away with it.

Stop trying...Stop

And if his reason is a valid reason "i'm scared you're going to leave me" or "i'm used to people leaving me" well he's already left you so stop "trying" and fighting for someone that won't even try.

Posted by moongirljj

His chart and he's just turned 26
Sun-Cancer
Moon-Aquarius
Mercury-Leo
Venus-Virgo
Mars-Capricorn
Jupiter-Pisces
Saturn-Sagittarius
Uranus-Sagittarius
Neptune-Capricorn
Pluto-Scorpio
Lilith-Gemini
Asc node-Aries

Wow, that guy has the exact same chart as me besides my Venus being in Leo, and my Mercury being a few degrees off as well as me being a year younger lol.

Long story short, he's the type who keeps the depths of his feelings to himself. You may think that its childish or grade school level how he doesn't share what's on his mind or how he doesn't respond back so soon, but that's how he handles his problems. What we crave more than anything is security, steadfastness, and faithfulness from a partner. When you rejected his offer, you basically rejected him and this is his defense mechanism you're seeing now. I don't know who this guy is, but if he's anything like me, it takes ALOT to open up and admit how important a significant other is to that person. For him to be the one saying he wants you guys to be official and for him to be rejected like that (even if you were drunk)...I'm not sure you realize how much that affected him. If I were him, if the person I was with were to express doubts or uncertainty right when I was confessing my heart and soul, I would close myself off and re-evaluate the entire relationship I was in, as well as the person I was with. And I would NEVER show that vulnerability again. In fact it was probably worse that you were drunk because drunk people usually tell what's on their minds, so he'd likely think you were more truthful than you've ever been.

He can and most likely will get over it, but it will take time. Just show by your actions rather than your words that you are sincere in your affections and you want to be with him, and in time he will get over and show his old self. If you want it to work, be consistent though and don't be flighty.

Posted by tiki33
And if his reason is a valid reason "i'm scared you're going to leave me" or "i'm used to people leaving me" well he's already left you so stop "trying" and fighting for someone that won't even try.

Yeah your right, I am leaving it alone now after I said what I had to say. At this point I don't really care if he texts me back or not because I know either way Im still going to be upset he does these things. But I had to get what I had to say off my chest and let him know how I feel. I feel I have a right to let him know how I feel. I've done way to much more him and been way to nice for him, for him just to ignore me and me not say anything. Saying what I had to say gave me closure no matter he still wants to try with me or not. And each day that passes the more he just never contacts me the more I don't want a person who's not going to stick around when times get tough. He will NEVER have a relationship with anyone acting the way he acts. He's a great guy but he doesn't know how to deal with issues head on. He becomes distant and ignores it. So if he ever does contact me I will be his friend but I will never ever do things I did for him and open up to him like I did, cause he's pushed me so far into my shell, I don't see how I would ever come out of it anytime soon. Its going to hurt me for awhile because I really did like him and I did so much for him, more then I did for any guy I like. And I feel like all the stuff I did was just wasted and I feel like a fool and stupid. But in the end he will realize what he lost, and he will come back... they always do. But once they come back its never the same again.

@ DarkCancerian

Yeah I'm sure he might feel rejected but at the same time I he rejected me a month ago when I wanted something and ignored hanging out with me for a whole month, but I never just ignored him after he did that to me. I still tried. And I feel like he should try for me. Him running away or just having these mood swings the main reason why I'm scared to be with him. That's why I said no for now. But I promised to never leave his side n be there for him, n I told him that in the text. He knows that's a hard thing to find and if he wants to throw that away then that's on him. I texted him how I feel just to let him know, but I'm not expecting anything back from him. Just for him to know how I feel and he can take that and do whatever he wants with it. For now I'm done and I will not be texting him again unless he texts me, and even then if to much time has passed I know I won't feel the same for him.

Wow so he finally texted me back today and he said he that he hasn't responded to me because he felt upset about and it hurt him a little bit so he said it took him a week to accept it and I honestly did not think it hurt him that bad. I feel awful. What can I do to fix this cause I do still want to be with him and I hope there is a chance.

Well we tried to tell you lol...but you were being so hard headed about it, take it one day at a time, don't try to fix it, if he's opening up to you hopefully you'll get an opportunity to discuss but at this point you probably don't need to do anything to fix it, just be more mindful about how you communicate your thoughts.

So he texted me back and said yeah I was hurt ectc, need a week to accept it but I told him that I still want something with him and but I said if you really don't want to be with me still then just tell me so and his response was "I'm not putting it softly, and ill let you know if I decide to move on" like wtf is that.

SMH oh gosh...