Disappearing from a crab's life

Be my support group, please!

I haven't seen him for 3 weeks, no calls, no messages (just like on a diet, no sugar, no bread, no pastas 😛). The first two weeks I was expecting him, wanted to meet him. The 3rd week: it's my time! I don't want to see him anymore, I want him out of my life and for me to be out of his life. I think just there is no use for me, or for him, to be there anymore.

For me, once I've decided this, I've thrown my emotions, deep down to my soul, and will not reach that place any time soon. The problem is that I can't see him hurt. That will melt me down. As long as I don't see him, everything will be alright. But what if he calls? Should I answer? There will be some moments when will have to meet. How should I behave? (Probably I will find something to read).

I just need you to be here with me, I'll keep you updated, and give some advices not to hurt him so much. Hope this week will end without seeing him. But next week will be a critique one. I'll try my best to schedule my time so that we will not meet.

Oh no Angelic, I thought things were going well between you and your cancer 😢

Every time we meet things go very well. That is why we must not meet anymore. We can't control our emotions but we can control our actions.

AngelicVirgo......I'm sorry to hear that things arent going good for you and your crab!! There must be something in the water though cause I've also decided to detach myself from my crab as well!!

What happened to my support group? are you here for me? 🙂 We've met last friday. I had a horrible day. And in the afternoon there he was. Trying to make me smile, to talk to me, staring at me, trying to touch me... to get me close to him. Told me that he missed me (my answer was something like "you are the one who let a month to pass.") and that I am into his soul.

I could see from all his actions that was still in love and that he really missed me. But life is life and we have to go on. I miss him too, he is a part of me but he can't be a part of my life, at least not for the moment.

Still trying to disappear from this crab's life.

It's hard to disappear from a crab's life ...just bcoz they r not able to hear the "end" bells...u can ring it forever...and u can always return...he will never consider that u left...

the only alternative would be to change place...some other town where he can not find u...

good luck!

I'm seriously not trying to put down anyone because I know the trap of loving someone who hurts you but come on. The full moon?? WTF Ask anyone who is a relationship with a cancer who wants to be with them, he will not vanish for weeks and months and ignore you. Also some of these cancer men being complained about did nothing wrong they tried to do the right thing and let go but are being clung to by women in denial. Here is a piece of an article about traumatic bonds and intermittent reinforcement that tries to explain why people especially women have a hard time walking away from a bad relationship. It's mostly for battered victims but the theory applies to less severe situations too.

Science has conducted myriad experiments that demonstrate the power of —pain?? to strengthen the bond. It's the principle fraternities use in hazing where they humiliate or hurt their pledges to instill greater loyalty in them.
But there is still another factor which really cements people to the abuser. They get hooked by the —intermittent reinforcement.?? The abuser, every once in a while, will give them what they need, i.e. —a pat on the arm?? or saying —love you?? or —bringing home a paycheck.?? It's intermittent.
If you ever studied classical conditioning (Pavlov??s dog and all of that), you may remember that if you want to —train?? a rat to respond a certain way, rather than giving a steady reward (i.e. sugar pellet), give it only intermittently. Intermittent reinforcement is more powerful than steady reinforcement.
This explains the paradox of relationships. If your partner mistreats you in all kinds of emotional or physical ways, you run the risk of getting deeply hooked in.
You??d think it would work the other way — that if your partner made you feel secure, safe, and comfortable, you??d have a hard time leaving. But the irony is that many people feel freer to leave someone who has made them feel secure. Ever hear —nice guys finish last—
But if they are made to feel chronically insecure, heart-sick, anxious, or hurt, they can get caught up in the drama of the abuse and locked into the dynamics of the relationship— especially if every once in a while, their partner gives them a little crumb of love -- intermittent reinforcement.
Abuser tells Abused, "I love you," and these women continue to sell themselves out to hear the occasional utterance of three hollow words, meaning nothing to the abuser.

So anyway...
@Angelic st

@Angelic stay strong you will be fine. In time you will meet another guy maybe even another cancer who will treat you how you like. Why settle when it's possible to have what you want. In the meantime find something you like doing to keep busy until you get over this guy. Just focus on yourself and not him.

I'm down with what virgodreamz is spinning.

I am a 2nd deacon cancer man -- a very strong one I might add, although I've heard nothing but negative regarding that as well -- we gettin' slammed folk! Anyway - had a rela with a virgo - deep connex, very hot, great chem - but she'd be playin' this good ole cancer boy -- killed me, broke me in two. Wanted to be friends, all that bs -- no thanks! She would pop in and out of my life, when she didnt have another d//ck in her outh - okay? Finally I had the balls to break it, and end it, and ignore anymore of her contacts. The best thing I could have done! She told me she missed me and that I was cold to her, rude, etc -yea, whatever! But even to this day - the hurt from that still has a residue - wow. I have moved on, and date, and have many suitors (we cancer men are hot, ok -lol). I've read more cancer man bashing on this board - wow! I just know - I am an evloved cancer man, that will not tolerate bullshyte or nonsense - especially ANY kind of betrayal. You done! Cancer and Virgo do have a magical connection, only when virgo realizes it, its ususally too late. 😉

Yes
From all the recent post the new year brought in new behavior from cancer guys. This must be the year of the disappearing man. This is just another phase of the moon.

virgodreamz: I tried to understand what you are saying, reading over and over again. You try to tell me that he made me an insecure woman and by this keeping me in his life, not letting me go, throwing once in a while a few sensitive words.

As a virgo I did analyzed him a lot. I am not based on his words, but first on his body language, especially by studying him on his actions with different persons or while other persons are around and he doesn't know that I'm watching him. Finally I do trust his words, that he is saying the truth. Yes, he knows that the only thing that I asked was to be honest with me, and once I know that he lies to me, he will be nothing to me. He is aware of that because he saw me doing this with other persons. He knows how decided I am.

I know that he is in love with me, based on his facts, his body language and other people's thoughts, and at last, on his words.

We were never in a relationship. Just in love. But this game has to stop.

formersalomeea: Running... this is not a solution for me. That doesn't solve the problem.

crabclaw:

I have moved on, and date, and have many suitors (we cancer men are hot, ok -lol)

That just reminds of something... He tells me about girls trying to make a move on him and how he deals with them. I asked him why isn't he treating me just like he does with them. And the answer was: "That is different. With them there are no feelings involved". "Feelings? what kind of feelings?" (me, asking a stupid question like I wouldn't know...). After a moment of silence... "Anyway... you are in my soul..." (like being resigned, like there is nothing he could do about it...).

Angelic my first response was because of Noosiekin's post(s). My second response was for you.

🙂 Thanks! I promise you that I'll be strong!

i think that you are always in the back of a crabs head if they loved/cared about you at all. I havent seen my ex crab in 6 months, and then she deleted me from Facebook like 3 months ago, along with a few of her friends. When she did this she blocked me too, so i could not search her but i could still she that she was tagged in pictures, i just could not click on her name. THEN, the other day i noticed that some pictures i know she was tagged in were not anymore. A friend told me that they still were on his. SOOOOO....moral of the story in she DOUBLE blocked me! WHY!?!

I saw her at a bar about 2 months after we officially ended things and went up and said hi to her. I thought that was the mature thing to do. NO big deal, just being friendly

what she did dosnt even make sense and I have no idea why she would do that. Also, it makes me sort of insecure because i dont know what i did to deserve that. maybe she wants attention though the actions would display the opposite.