does this crab like me?

is this a crab thing or he just doesn't like me?at first he did...he just started to be cold with me...but even a month ago he said if he wants to date anyone that'd be me...but now he says he has changed his mind.

How old is he? He seems like a younger Crab, immature. Yes we change our minds often and we have inner tides that shift often. He seems so out of touch with his emotions and that's so important for a Crab to learn so that his external world does not get affected tremendously. Hot and cold is the theme for him. You will drive yourself crazy. I am positive you will find someone more compatible and less of a waste of your time. I'm a Cancer and was FWB with a Cancer when i had just started college. He was also depressed, had massive mood swings, was so inconsiderate of my feelings, would talk about other girls like to deliberately to hurt me it seemed, stubborn, kept acting in ways or bluntly telling me that he would never date me, things I liked he would put down----I mean it was all emotionally abusive stuff. His intent was to push me away. He was very selfish. Every now and then he would drop vague hints that I am good enough for him just enough to get me hopeful that perhaps there IS a chance for me to be his gf, but just as soon, he is back to being closed and mean.

Please do not deal with this guy. He will chip away at your every being if you allow him to. Mind games are Cancers forte, as if the constant hot and cold wasn't already maddening enough as it is. If a Cancer has not come to terms with his/her inner self, they can be pretty immature and hurtful towards others especially the ones who try to get close to them. There's not much you can do bc we live in our heads and own feelings, so it won't be that easy to coerce him and since we are intuitive/perceptive, defensive/crabby, he will sense that coercion and feel manipulated somehow eventhough you're probably not even doing much, but if that's how he perceives the situation then that's how he will react to it...resentful and emotionally abusive. Not much you can do.

Save yourself the roller-coaster ride and go to an amusement park, you will have a better chance meeting a guy that will not be this stressful for you. Clinical Depression or Not, this Crab needs to grow up more.

By the way- DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF. DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF. DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF.

He is trying to manipulate and control you just because he can't grasp any control over his own self, emotionally and that he is a drug user. In a psychological standpoint, if he is a habitual smoker then he has an addiction (i don't care that it's "only" pot) and if you accept this or worse, change yourself by starting to smoke with him JUST for him, then that will make you an ENABLER and trust me, a CODEPENDENT relationship is not a stroll in the park either.

Figure out yourself. Solidify your self-identity so that in the future, you will not even THINK about questioning yourself just bc some douchey boy doesn't accept you for you. YOU ARE COOL BY YOUR *OWN* DEFINITION...own that and others will believe it about you. The one's who don't wanna get on the bandwagon are not important/incompatible with you. STAY THE WAY YOU ARE. That is sounds so cliche, but honestly the more you stay true to yourself, the more likely you will attract/meet people that are more compatible for you so the higher the chance that you will fall in a healthy, loving relationship. BUT to get there requires a lot of work on your part-- You have to figure out yourself, establish your identity, and most importantly: LOVE YOURSELF. ...I promise promise promise you, the rest of the pieces will fall into place. Best of luck!

and another thing im not gonna contact him,i always did ,has never been more than 3 or 4 days that we haven't talked i always initiate because i fear he may never do cuz he tolm he doesn't do sth even when he wants to...but if he ever misses me he will contact right?or cancers won't do?

Yeah 26 is not that young, unless he really just doesn't give a care or is avoiding a ton of life matters. He seems threatened by someone who wants to be too close with him. Maybe he doesn't think his inner world is worth sharing, if he is confused then he will be confused in many aspects of his life, including his situation with you. He will not know how to love someone if he doesn't love himself. And he will not know how to to let someone get close to him unless he learns to be accepting of himself. It takes a lot of effort for Cancers to achieve a feeling of balance within or even maintain a tolerable state, maybe thinks/sees you as just another factor that will complicate that process. But he seems confused and troubled. PLEASE do not find that appealing and think if you can rescue him or change him into being a happy person, that he will finally let you into his world. Leave him alone, Cancers need to figure things out on their own and if they need help, they will ask. We are sentimental people and don't forget connections. If he misses you, he WILL contact you. But even then, you have to assess what his intentions are because he might have just been feeling too low and needed a quick ego boost. So this is really a lose-lose situation for you, the only way you can win is if you just walk away now. Take care of yourself. You just need to back off for the sake of your own well-being.

Posted by geminigal2
the sad thing is that he's not even that young,he's 27.
no i will never use drugs but i don't know what his problem is at first he very little but did told me very nice things...but its like he wants to stops himself from showing or receiving affection.
he says he wants to supress his feelings..but why?am i not good enough for him?
idk how he really feels or thinks...he will actually fight with me if i ask him emotional question...at first he didn't stpped himself thatmuch but as time went by it got worse.now he even said these mean things.idk if he likes someone else...or likes me...or doesn't know how to love someone...

When Cancers start to open up, they catch themselves doing it and some will resist this and quickly nip it in the butt and turn a complete 360 on the other person. In the earlier phase, this is usually when the other person starts getting mixed signals from the Cancerian or starts to get hurt because they are being pushed away or shut out.

When he says he wants to suppress his feelings, that has nothing to do with whether you are good enough or not. He is emotionally isolating himself from his external world so you should not think it's just with you. If he is unwilling to discuss his emotions then he is definitely confused (in general) and cannot handle the inner tides within himself. As a Cancerian, he can't just suppress this, we are emotional by nature and suppressing it will only make us feel more lost and out of touch, then it turns into isolation and depression.

If he "likes" anyone, it is probably only a very shallow / superficial / disconnected / even nonexistent emotional connection with that person. It's probably the only type of connection he can deal with, because a real intimate type is threatening to him. Cancerians can feel conflicted over this matter. If they feel isolated they will have the longing to be with someone, like it would perhaps be a good idea, and their natural curiosity is intrigued by this possibility. However!.... (sorry my response is like a novel!) ....

....However! The problem is the ones who are easily controlled by their own emotional tides, can easily get lost in a relationship and feel even more out of touch with themselves and left feeling vulnerable. This results in becoming extremely needy it's almost sickening and then they start to form resentment for the partner because the partner never seems to need the Cancerian as much as the Cancerian needs the partner..and who knows if it's an accurate assessment of the relationship or just the fabrication of an insecure Cancer's mind!

Losing themselves in a relationship is a predictive thought that looms over some of these Cancerians who have yet to fully develop and realize themselves---the thought of losing themselves and relying on a person and becoming vulnerable to manipulation (real or imagine) and then an inevitable day when the partner leaves them is a tremendously daunting thought for a Cancerian who is so insecure and feels out of control to begin with.

He has so much personal stuff to work on so you will not benefit at all from this relationship. Walk away. And you're right, he does not know how to love someone bc he doesn't even love himself enough yet. I am saying that bc just based on his willing effort to suppress his emotions. Why do that, you know? Emotions are a part of connecting with yourself and the world around you. There's no need to suppress it, he just needs to learn to get a damn hold of himself!

thanks you so so so much for sharing with me.
I will walk away,I already did,I don't know if he even sees me as potential gf anymore or not,he says he doesn't and that really broke my heart and made me cry...maybe he does like bitches...or i have annoyed him(he hates it when i delete him from fb) but i could not see those things again it was torture!!!and i told him that...but it was like he didn't get it.

i mean he was never that harsh, so i guess either he really like bitches or just shut me out to protect himself.i hope he didnt mean what he told me and just said these to protect himself.cuz his manners was so bad..i never thought he would react like this.at first i sensed he wants to isolate himself but it wasnt like he doesnt like me.but in the end he after i got sad over him flirting alot it was like didnt like me anymore.

I miss him so bad 😭 why does he like bad girls?...weed and these stuff...i'm sure he doesn't even care if i'm alive....

he even was mad at me as he said "you can't handle us being just friends,why would i care?" i really can't see him with others...i love him.its like i did all the wrong things and he is mad at me.
i know he will never call.he doesn't want to and even 1% he wanted he wouldn't call either...

Please get yourself together. Instead of focusing on what he wants and what he likes and what he said and what he thinks and what he did and what he is going to do......why don't you focus on yourself?

What do you want right now, anything...whatever...just name it.....then go get it for yourself. Take control of a situation that you are able to change. Such as your perception of this idiot. You can't change his mind, you don't like the scenario? Change your mind! It's the only thing you have control over in this outcome.

What are qualities you like in a guy? Make a list of standards. I bet that douche doesn't even check off more than 2. Be realistic of your expectations, but also honest and honor yourself. Do not tailor it based on the last guy that broke your heart. Don't. Pretend you never met him when making this list.

What was something you SAID that felt empowering bc you stuck up for yourself?

What was something you DID that felt empowering bc you stuck up for yourself?

What are you going to do now that all is said and done? It's up to you, you wanna mope around and waste more time on this loser....or do you wanna go have fun doing whatever YOU think is fun and cool...YOUR TERMS.

What are your hobbies? Go do some or all of it today even if you don't feel like it right now. They are your chosen hobbies for a reason. You like doing those things and it takes your mind off stuff and it makes you feel good about yourself.

You can't make anyone do anything. You don't need to that anyways. Be okay with what you can make yourself do. FOCUS ON YOURSELF. You can be just as indifferent as he is feeling about you right now, but with the difference being that you are not running away from yourself or trying to suppress your feelings. Your sadness is just that- feelings... they're important yeah, so just feel it so that it can pass through your filter. Don't harbor negativity.

i will do those things...but the thing is i did many things to be closer to him and i actually read alot about depression,i did everything i could and i'm feel so closed to him, during this time i never thought someday he may say these things...

i read about cancer too...and i always thought he's afraid of getting hurt so thats why he is the way he is...but if i wait he will trust me...but i couldn't stand him wanting others...i got so confusing signals in the end ...i thought maybe he loves someone else so i keppt asking questions...and then he said those things.

he even wrote romantic poems on his page on fb....that was so not him...even in the past i never saw his page like that(past years,i checked)..i was really shocked..i thought he didn't trust anyone so fast...idk what was that about...

Next time don't give too much of yourself too soon. Don't exert so much effort if the other person is not deserving of it. If his actions are not saying much (regardless of his words), then be smart enough not to keep compensating by doing more and more, that just makes you a gullible and desperate person willing to believe anything a guy says just because you want their approval so badly. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You should have an idea of your own self-worth before you go out there looking for a partner so that people know how to treat you without you even needing to demand it and when someone does mistreat you, you will know because you are aware of your own limitations (what you will put up with) and such is laid onto others in the form of personal boundaries. You have to have a relationship with yourself first so you can get to know you and realize your own honest limitations on yourself and others. Then you have to love yourself so you can honor those personal boundaries. As a result, you'll have the balls to be assertive once someone crosses the line. Your sense of self-worth will decide how you want to deal with someone who crosses the line with you. Either walk away or rip them a new one... up to you, but I suggest to keep it classy and if you gotta peace outta there, go out in style .

You're obsessed. Have you read all your posts so far in this thread? Obsessed. Take it easy. It's in the past now for a reason, trust that it happened for a good reason. I'd be glad if I were you. Try to be more optimistic. Whats on the bright side of this whole trainwreck? Think about it. There is always a bright side to any outcome. Use your head for now, not your heart. Let logic run the show, your emotions are too volatile to be running any show right now. Chill girl

yes thanks alot...i have dated other guys...this one is the only one i did so much for...but i will return to my own self.

Yeah, remember who you are. Remember who you used to be before this mess entered your life and then only focus on how it has enhanced the person you used to be now that this event passed you. Whenever I feel chaotic due to a bad rel, I think of the girl I used to be before it, before I met the guy. It makes me smile and i get the courage to do something about the situation in a way that reacts to myself not his self actions.

I'm sorry if I'm so blunt sometimes. I'm the kind of friend that would shake you mid-crying and say GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!! lol 🙂

I hope you feel better soon. This will pass i promise~

Posted by tiltedmoonshadow
not his self actions.

edit: not his SELFISH actions

yeah i actually like how you're helping me.

You sound a lot like the old me, and that guy sounds a lot like the capricorn i was so hung up on....

This guy would string me along, tell me what an amazing girlfriend i would be for him but the minute I tried to get close he'd go back to these other girls and I'd sit there and make up excuses for his actions and thinking "hmm well maybe hes scared of his feelings for me." but nope, hes just to lame for a real relationship. He only knows how to love himself. He got what he wanted from me and went POOF. gone. even as a friend. I don't trust him anymore and even the other day he tried to contact me but I really don't want anything to do with his lame ass...


YOU DESERVE BETTER.

it will come to you, I promise..
Stand strong, go do fun things, don't even look for love.
It will happen when you least expect. probably with someone you'd least expect it happen with 🙂

well yeah when they call and you'll ignore it's actually a good feeling ,cuz you know they did feel sth.I don't mean to sound mean.cuz i'm not i'm actually very kind maybe too kind to ppl i love,but that is a fact that you'll feel good.

kick his a** .
although i don't think mine has the balls to do so.

can i just ask one question?is it possible that he fell in love with someone else?

although i know i shouldn't care..and the answer is yes probably.