Get that dirt off ya shoulda

Posted on the Scorpio forums that I'd tell this story, so here it goes:

I've been falling for a Scorpio woman I've known for a little over a year by now. Don't know her full chart, or mine, so whatevs. She's been in one relationship after another since she was 18 (27 now), and just recently decided to take a break from her current BF who is on deployment with the Navy for the next 8 months.

When I met her she was married to my then-friend, but they divorced some months later. Being friends with the ex-husband meant I couldn't in good conscience pursue her, but a while passed and my friend just kind of faded out of my life, and so I gave her a call; someone else (Navy boy) had already swooped in and professed his undying love and now they were together...

She told me, once the break became official, that she wants to be single for a while to figure herself out. Makes sense, and I'm giving her all the space she needs. That doesn't change how I feel about her though.

We've grown close in the past month since that happened. She threw me my 21st birthday party, and during said party, after I had to escort one of the million-and-one men who are madly in love with her and was getting a bit handsy out of the building, we kissed. The whole night we were inseparable and I've never felt happier.

That night we slept together -- as in, in the same bed, no sex, and with one of my friends on her other side (we're all very cuddly 😛). All was well at first, but it was the first time she had met that friend on her other side, and they got along very well -- a bit TOO well for my Cancerian insecurities. The joy I felt that night was suddenly quashed under the weight of irrational jealousy...

The next morning, while my friend and my Scorpio were chatting endlessly in bed, I took a walk to cool off, which helped a little. We all spent the day together and I did my best to hide my feelings, but they noticed.

The following weekend I got to stay the night with her again, just the two of us, and we talked about what had happened, how I felt about it, and all that. Things settled, with her laying it out that I wasn't in the "Friend Zone" and that maybe we'd be together in the future...

Since that talk, she and my friend have been getting closer and closer, spending nights together on several occasions. It continued to bother me, and eventually I just couldn't take it anymore. I called her last night and we talked about it again, and this time I decided to e

*end it.

Now Scorpio and my friend are talking about getting serious with each other...

*sigh*

She and I are in two different places in our life, meaning I can't give her what she needs and she can't give me what I need. Despite that, I really was in love with her, and it's killing me to let her go, and the fact that she's now getting hot and heavy with a friend that I introduced her to is salt in the wound...

I almost feel like I deserve it though... When she and her ex-husband broke up it was over him invading her privacy because he was jealous and insecure over her affections for other guys... including me...

We never had sex, never officially got together. It may seem to some that this makes it easier to handle, but it isn't. This isn't the first time I've had to give up on a girl I've fallen for before a relationship even started. It's such a huge blow to my confidence and self-worth... The way I've handled it emotionally has me feeling like a pathetic piece of shit, that despite anything else I've achieved in my life I'm still a weakling and a failure...

***

So I'm not sure what I want from writing this all out. Maybe to vent, maybe for support or advice. I just don't know. It's done now. My Scorpio and I are still good friends, and I love her as a friend as she loves me as a friend. In time I'll get over it, and I'm already healing a little bit, on my own as it always has been.

Now that I think about it, the name of the thread doesn't make sense with the post... 😛

At this point I know I need to pick myself up, dust myself off and move one. I guess that's what I was trying to get at. I'm just in a horribly depressed mood, and can't quite convey that desire to move on...

Thanks for the support Crabmoon. 🙂

Feeling a bit better today, will see how long it lasts lol.

Found my birth certificate and looked up my chart so here it is:

Rising Sign is in 02 Degrees Libra
Sun is in 26 Degrees Cancer
Moon is in 08 Degrees Scorpio
Mercury is in 22 Degrees Leo
Venus is in 04 Degrees Virgo
Mars is in 02 Degrees Virgo
Jupiter is in 18 Degrees Leo
Saturn is in 04 Degrees Aquarius
Uranus is in 11 Degrees Capricorn
Neptune is in 15 Degrees Capricorn
Pluto is in 17 Degrees Scorpio
N. Node is in 18 Degrees Capricorn

Once again I am stunned by the accuracy of astrology! Never knew more than my Sun sign, but after reading through the interpretations of each of my other signs I have a better understanding of myself and why I act and react the way I do. I think the Moon in Scorpio played a part in my jealousy, and in other ways I can see as I look back that I've always displayed Scorpio traits to some extent.

Posted by ZenBear
She's been in one relationship after another since she was 18 (27 now), and just recently decided to take a break from her current BF who is on deployment with the Navy for the next 8 months.



That night we slept together -- as in, in the same bed, no sex, and with one of my friends on her other side (we're all very cuddly 😛). All was well at first, but it was the first time she had met that friend on her other side, and they got along very well -- a bit TOO well for my Cancerian insecurities. The joy I felt that night was suddenly quashed under the weight of irrational jealousy...



I got to stay the night with her again, just the two of us, and we talked about what had happened, how I felt about it, and all that. Things settled, with her laying it out that I wasn't in the "Friend Zone" and that maybe we'd be together in the future...

Since that talk, she and my friend have been getting closer and closer, spending nights together on several occasions.

ouchi...

1) boyfriend was only leaving for 8 months, yet she leaves him...

2) didn't take much of a "break" did she...

3) She knows you have feelings for her, yet starts to get cozy with YOUR friend WHILE you are in the same bed... uhh.. don't even have words for that one

4) she STILL wants to have you on her leash with a "maybe in the future" line... while she is banging your friend and talking about getting serious with him..

ya, have thanks for the horseshoe around your neck that got you out of this one.. Still hurts tho, i know. good luck

This is so... irrelevant... but I have to say it:

I'm beyond impressed with a)your story telling skills, and b) your intelligence in many ways (especially for a 21 year old dude, no offence to the young men here).

That was a HUGE story, and was easily readable in no time at all! 🙂

I agree with the crabs. She's highly unstable in the love sense. I would stay the ef away.

Oo also... If she's still got this type of wishy washy - fleeting to whoever shows the most current interest - behaviour in her at her age... you at 21 would inevitably be very dispensable to her. Save yourself the future heartache.

cancer sun scorp moon here.... ya dude,heartbreak hurts! i feel ur pain brother! moving on takes a lot of tym! but if i m doing it so can u! one day u ll get the love u deserve! all the best! 🙂

Thanks krebbs & xxxnight 🙂

Posted by xxnightbynight

She never lied to me, never strung me along without cause... she's a good woman. I don't like seeing people trash her.

That's sweet. - I wouldn't like anybody trash talking someone I had strong feelings for to. I am just an outsider, looking in. - It just aggravates me that men are so intrigued by "the crazies" the crazier the woman, the more they want her.

It frustrates me because ideally they want a woman with a good head on her shoulders, that knows what she wants in life. - This all sounds good on paper but then you come across a crazy and you fall for that. Why? - I ask this because I've been single for quite some time now. - And it seems like all the men I've fallen for, have been hurt by a crazy in the past.

There is a 21 year old girl I know that has men in and out of her life like nobody's business.. she has a 2 or 3 year old daughter... but men fall to her feet. She throws men out like they're disposable. - I get so angry because I would never treat a man like this... yet she's the one that gets men to come to her every beck and call. - Oh well. - I suppose I'll figure it out one day.

Oh and ps: sorry for turning this into my sob story. Typical Aries 😉

You're so young ZenBear, you have a lot of time ahead of you. - You're wise beyond your years though!!

click to expand

You're awesome, xxxnight

I'm so lost as to who was trashing her. I didn't see trashing. I saw people warning you/looking out for you. As unfair as that may be to this girl, that's what you're going to get when you ask strangers about a situation that they don't personally know the players. What you read as trashing, was actually people thinking about your best interests.

I'm positive nobody was saying she's a bad person or anything of the sort. Just a bad relationship "choice" as a 21 year old guy (or anyone for that matter, categorization aside). It's set up for failure despite your feelings for her.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

I apologize if my comment was taken to be "trashing" - not at all my intent. As I'm sure it wasn't anyone else's (wherever this mystery trashing happened, again I didn't see anything, but I also realize that when you have feelings for someone even the slightest negative talk about them can be seen in a different light than it's intended).

Sorry ZenBear. I wish you healing in the matter.

Posted by deezie
I'm so lost as to who was trashing her. I didn't see trashing. I saw people warning you/looking out for you. As unfair as that may be to this girl, that's what you're going to get when you ask strangers about a situation that they don't personally know the players. What you read as trashing, was actually people thinking about your best interests.

I'm positive nobody was saying she's a bad person or anything of the sort. Just a bad relationship "choice" as a 21 year old guy (or anyone for that matter, categorization aside). It's set up for failure despite your feelings for her.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

I apologize if my comment was taken to be "trashing" - not at all my intent. As I'm sure it wasn't anyone else's (wherever this mystery trashing happened, again I didn't see anything, but I also realize that when you have feelings for someone even the slightest negative talk about them can be seen in a different light than it's intended).

Sorry ZenBear. I wish you healing in the matter.

Point taken. Nobody really "trashed" her, but there were some comments I, and likely she, would take negatively. I know you didn't mean it, and thank you for saying so. 🙂

being a friend still will only complicate your life and cause more hurt...believe me,i have learned from a heartbreak, its best to let that person go and not let them renter by any means,as sensitive as we all are,its only mental agony that u ll get.

Posted by krebbsmann
being a friend still will only complicate your life and cause more hurt...believe me,i have learned from a heartbreak, its best to let that person go and not let them renter by any means,as sensitive as we all are,its only mental agony that u ll get.

More and more that seems the most likely course. I want to try to make our friendship work because she's one of the only people I can really talk to about my emotions...

A part of me wants to leave her behind though... and it's a petty, vengeful part that wants her to miss me and be hurt at my absence from her life. I don't want to give in to that side of myself... but I also don't want to be hurting every time I see her.

Emotions suck sometimes... :/

We'll see how it goes. I haven't heard from her since that last phone call. No texts, usually we'd text at least every other day. I know my friend/her new bf has been in town this whole time so it makes some sense. I expect she'll text me once he leaves... I know I'll be thinking in the back of my head "you're only talking to me because HE'S not around anymore and you can't stand being alone..." I'll try my best to keep any venom out of my voice. :S

Keep your head up ZenBear as the bear in you're avatar some people like peaceful people without the flash whether you have it or not your way of thinking is liked. Alot of people change for situations to adapt getting lost as there character changes and the thing that follows is a entirely new life. You're fine the way you are when you learn from mistakes you are mobile when you don't your broke. Everything happens for a reason means you found a good reason for them to happen.

-Winks-

Posted by xxnightbynight

Posted by ZenBear

Posted by krebbsmann
being a friend still will only complicate your life and cause more hurt...believe me,i have learned from a heartbreak, its best to let that person go and not let them renter by any means,as sensitive as we all are,its only mental agony that u ll get.

More and more that seems the most likely course. I want to try to make our friendship work because she's one of the only people I can really talk to about my emotions...

A part of me wants to leave her behind though... and it's a petty, vengeful part that wants her to miss me and be hurt at my absence from her life. I don't want to give in to that side of myself... but I also don't want to be hurting every time I see her.

Emotions suck sometimes... :/

We'll see how it goes. I haven't heard from her since that last phone call. No texts, usually we'd text at least every other day. I know my friend/her new bf has been in town this whole time so it makes some sense. I expect she'll text me once he leaves... I know I'll be thinking in the back of my head "you're only talking to me because HE'S not around anymore and you can't stand being alone..." I'll try my best to keep any venom out of my voice. :S

There is nothing petty, or vengeful for wanting her to feel the same type of pain you're going through. - It's human nature. - If she truly does miss you, she will contact you. - But honestly... why would you want to be with someone who needs someone there at all times? - She has things she needs to figure out within herself before she can actually LOVE another human being. - Otherwise you'll just end up being another flavor of the week. - I know girls like this... believe me... I know how this works. I see it all the time. - Just work on yourself for now. - If she comes back, you have to make sure it's genuine. Listen to your gut!!! O:-)

click to expand

My cancer has almost exactly the same placements as you. When we were young, I misunderstood a lot and so did he. Your insights actually make a lot of sense to me in hindsight. It isn't always easy being the deep, understanding one at that age. Don't let someone else lead your life and control you when they aren't willing to give the same in return. Let he

I don't mean to shamelessly bump my own thread, but I could use some help here...

I just got back home from a lunch meeting with Scorpio's new bf/my Friend. I told Scorpio that I wasn't able to be her friend anymore, that I need to get away from this painful situation and move on, and being around her, my Friend, or worse the both of them together, is only hurting my efforts. That was 2 days ago, and my friend called me to set up this meeting to talk about it.

Basically, he told me he thinks I'm wrong for breaking off the friendship. He says how she's always been there for me, and now I'm turning my back on her when she still needs me... She has dozens of friends who help her all the damn time, why in the hell does she need me? He asked me, what if Stalker boy (the one I escorted out from the party) starts causing trouble again, and Friend is on deployment so he can't help her?

*sigh*

I thought I had done the right thing when I stepped back and let their romance happen despite my feelings for Scorpio. They were looking out for their own interests when they got together in spite of my feelings, and that's fine. Now why can't I look out for myself when all I want is to be alone?

I think you need to look after you first.

Posted by Crabmoon
Just do what your heart tell you to, she has a bf, he should be there for her not you, they are so selfish to asking you to be aroun. You did the right thing that's all that matter. Did they think in your feelings when they got together ? No so just do what's better for you.

+1


You need to do what you feel. You have told them both why. It's not like you haven't been honest. Does he know you have feelings for her. If he does, as your friend, he should know better to ask this of you.

Posted by ZenBear

Basically, he told me he thinks I'm wrong for breaking off the friendship. He says how she's always been there for me, and now I'm turning my back on her when she still needs me... She has dozens of friends who help her all the damn time, why in the hell does she need me? He asked me, what if Stalker boy (the one I escorted out from the party) starts causing trouble again, and Friend is on deployment so he can't help her?

If she's a real friend, she would let you go. First of all, she hurt you by being with your friend, even when you told her you have feelings for her. Even if it's not on purpose, the result is the same: she hurt you. Second, after you are being extremely empathetic about the whole situation and saying you need space to heal, they guilt you into feeling bad about the space because you can't be her shoulder to cry on no longer. I've had friends fall in love with me sometimes too. But because I'm their friend, I give them time and space to heal afterwards, even though I would (very) much rather hang out with them. I did not make them feel bad for not being there for me (even though I needed them sometimes too!)

What I've read so far, she seems like one of those girls that gets all the guys because she gives all the guys the feeling they have a real connection and are able to make her happy. One of my former best friends was exactly like this. She would talk to every guy if he was the most interesting person she's met in ages (unintentionally) and that she really liked him. She gives the guys the feeling they are exactly the guy she needs in her life. Fact is that she does that all the time because she needs a lot of shoulders to cry on when things get rough. She also needs these 'special connections' to make her feel special. I think it's unfair because this way, she breaks a lot of hearts because guys don't get why she keeps picking a different guy when they had such a great 'connection'. And when they are sad about it, she picks them up again by making it clear she does care for them, but for some bullsh*t reason they can't be together.

So, what I am basically trying to say: cut them out of your life. She can't give you what you long to have after she's given you all her attention. If you stick around you will only be drained emotionally. This is not a friendship that will make you feel better - on the contrary.

Good luck!