Help

I caught a cancer friend in a lie, but did not confront him. However things came to a head and the topic was brought up and i confronted him. Finally after a couple of discussions, i decided to let it go, and expressed my views. Now he has gone completely silent. And refuses to talk. Whats the matter - any insights?

Was the lie about something major? Maybe he is embarrassed or ashamed and now he is uncomfortable being around or talking to you because of that.

Posted by purplerain
Was the lie about something major? Maybe he is embarrassed or ashamed and now he is uncomfortable being around or talking to you because of that.

Sorry for the triple posting. My internet went crazy!! I also wanted to add that I am not a Cancer, but my younger brother is and I've witnessed alot of his behaviors through the years

Yeah imma go with purplerain on this one. I think he is ashamed & embarrassed about what happened. He probably feels bad, Hence he went into his shell. Go talk to him & let him know that you didn't mean to make him go silent, but the lie he told was wrong. Let him know you don't hate him. Best to Call & ask him out for lunch. That way you can really talk things out in person. We Cancers get sad & feel horrible if we did something to upset the ones we love.

Thanks purplerain and blackindian. He did feel bad about it. After which i tried to get my point across that I wouldn't like this happening again and i dont hold grudges. And would be there for him. After this though every attempt to speak to him has been futile, and i have tried often but have kept the previous matters out as i do not like to rake the past. But all my attempts have been met with silence.

I unsure what to do next, its like i am the only one holding the friendship.

@Starry22 well you tried to reach out & you apologised. When really he is the one who should be apologising. I say let him come to you. If he Cares enough about you, he'll come back. Also his actions will reflect that. Don't blame yourself for his silence. Just next time, if something occurs, just talk to him about it as soon as it happens. But don't feel bad ok.

@Purplerain its not your internet, its this stupid azz website lol. It always logs out people for no reason 😢. @Starry22 sorry for the late reply. What I just posted is really all you can do. So don't worry and don't blame yourself for someones bad behavior. Mature Cancers don't leave their friends hanging. Even if we go in our shell, we would never leave you behind

I was wondering what was going on. I'm using my phone now, but its never been this slow before. Its taking 5 minutes for my replies to go through.

@Purplerain yeah it's happened to me a gajillion times lol. I was using my phone too. By the way, i love that new profile picture you just had. Wow i could feel that Aries/cardinal energy all the way over here lol. You look amazing 🙂 just wanted to say that

Posted by 2BlackIndian3
@Purplerain yeah it's happened to me a gajillion times lol. I was using my phone too. By the way, i love that new profile picture you just had. Wow i could feel that Aries/cardinal energy all the way over here lol. You look amazing 🙂 just wanted to say that

thanks black indian! Really appreciate that! 🙂

I'm going with the general idea here that you embarrassed him and now he is ashamed like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. If it isn't major let it slide at this point and he will come back around after he picks up his ego off the floor, just be weary about what he says.

@Purplerain It's no problem! It's so nice & refreshing to have an Aries over here to protect us Crabs. You're welcomed here anytime 🙂

Thanks That1girl - i do hope he manages to pick up his ego of the ground. But if he does not theres not much i can do.

Thanks BlackIndian - i was beating myself up black and blue over this situation, but your calm words set my mood straight. I have apologized though it wasnt my fault just to keep the peace and let it go, if however he wants to keep up this behaviour its his loss. I loved the way you explained it.
Purple rain - thanks again for the insight, i have never dealt with a cancer man before this 🙂

@Starry22 im glad you feel better 🙂. Im happy my words calmed you. That's really all I was trying to do is Calm you down; so that you can make the best decision for yourself. Which You did, so be proud of yourself ok 🙂. I hope you enjoy your Sunday

I am faltering in my decision. He has been selfish and passive aggressive. Not a word from him for the last couple of weeks. He is going through some stuff for the last few months. Am i just making excuses for him? Im not interested in him but want to be there as a friend as always. Please talk some sense into me - lol.

Well you not hearing from for a few weeks should tell you something. If he cared about your feelings, he would have been contacted you. Why be friends or talk to someone you know good & well don't care about you. I think you are making escuses to keep him in your mind when you know you don't need him. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement.

Can i send you an email through your profile please?

Sure, just space the paragraphs out if there are any lol. Go easy on me because i gave my best help here. All i can do is cheer you up.

If he cared at all he would come back move on with your life and forget him, if he does come back be cautious

@That1Girl is right. I don't think there's much else we can say. I'm done here.

@georgio - paras and spacing done :-)

@that1girl - I didnt want to leave a friend when hes down. But i agree with having my guard up if and when he comes back :-)

Posted by That1Girl
I'm going with the general idea here that you embarrassed him and now he is ashamed like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. If it isn't major let it slide at this point and he will come back around after he picks up his ego off the floor, just be weary about what he says.

Yeah, he embarrassed himself good.

Many (NOTE I DID NOT SAY ALL) Cancers will cut ties with a human being FOREVER if that person catches them doing something bad.

What is awful is that this behavior is destructive to relationships with perfectly psychologically healthy people.

Why tell lies, and then when caught, cut the person out of your life forever?

SMH.

So much destruction, and senseless behavior that follows it...

Thanks Scorpiofish - i pride myself in being a friend in need. But this is the first time that i have had such an experience. It could have been the culmination of several other aspects. Hoping BlackInidian can give me a clearer insight into this persons psyche. I just want to get some closure. Life is not black and white but different shades of gray. If you make a mistake, accept it. If the other party forgives you, put it behind you and move on. Thats what friends do.

You humiliated him. Cancers are big on saving face. Best approach is to deal with cancer people in a way that they save face. Unless you dont care for them, in which case, you accomplished the objective. Cancers can take things personal, even though they are not. If you care for this person, simply ask him directly "are we o.k.?", but this time let them him face. You may even want to pepper in an apology, if you think its warranted, and he will be back in your grip in no time. Best of luck.

@Starry22 What are you talking about, i already helped you more than enough. I gave you my best advice here & in messages. You gon have to go by what your heart tells you ok. Idk what else to say. It's up to you to make the right decision

@cybercrab - thanks for your help. I think i will just offer to be there. I dont think there is any need for any apology as things are now in the past and its a closed chapter.

@blackindian - you have been immensely helpful. Sorry did not receive any message reply from you. But over here you have always helped me make a calm decision and i agree its upto me to take this onwards. Friendship means that you do not humiliate your friends, you need to put in your best and leave the rest to them. Thanks again for all your help.

@Starry22 i'm glad i could help you 🙂. This website be bull sh*tting lol. Sorry about the confusion. I hope you end up happy regardless of what happens. Don't do messaging, because it always leads to confusion & drama. I wouldn't want no arguments. So i hope you be ok & Safe!