How does one Argue with a Cancer?

Not to hurt feelings of course, but just to show youre not gonna be subservient, and submissive. A way you can accept.

Its easier to portray that at the beginning so they recognize off the bat. If you do it too late into friendship/relationship your going to scare them away. Its also good to show respect and acknowledge their point of view and opinion.
You can be direct but always with love and kindness within your words and speech.

dont argue. just let it be known that you wont be steamrolled or pushed over. you can say that without arguing. and if the person doesn't get it, leave them alone for good. they will get it then.

I agree with humble knight. I think emotional outburst during arguments like yelling or throwing things makes them feel like you are unstable and unreasonable. They can understand emotions but when it goes out of control they won't deal with you anymore until you can look at things logically.They can let you have about 3 emotional outburst before they ask you to tone it down or warn you they will leave you there if you keep lashing out instead of handling it rationally. They don't like to argue just to argue they like to get to the problem and get it out the way. That's if they care enough to argue. If they don't care enough about you they won't really care to argue with you because they might already have dismissed you because you might be the type to not see clearly in arguments like when you get the feeling your arguing with a child or a narrow minded person. They won't waste their time. Just approach them and talk about what you need to talk to without getting over emotional or like they are responsible for your emotional stability. Leave emotions out of it and talk about facts and if you don't know ask questions before name calling or assumptions.

Debate, discuss but argue? You're going to lose.

Posted by SoInLOVE
Not to hurt feelings of course, but just to show youre not gonna be subservient, and submissive. A way you can accept.

Some others have mentioned it here.
You simply state your case in a calm manner. Be sure to say "why" you believe the things you say. Don't yell, or fly off the handle.

Just out of curiosity, why do you feel like he is treating you subservient or submissive?

Love this topic. And this is how it runs with my Cancer maile friend :
- very calm logical arguments : he feels guilty, silence;
- putting forward your point of view : threatened, silence;
- argue like normal friends : upset, silence

All in all - its aleays silence.

It used to bother me initially but now its a case of 'whatever'. If i am upset i just live with it and it destroys our friendship by a little bit more. I no longer consider him a friend as he cant meet me mid-way and i am always constantly watching out for his feelings!

Posted by Starry22
Love this topic. And this is how it runs with my Cancer maile friend :
- very calm logical arguments : he feels guilty, silence;
- putting forward your point of view : threatened, silence;
- argue like normal friends : upset, silence

All in all - its aleays silence.

It used to bother me initially but now its a case of 'whatever'. If i am upset i just live with it and it destroys our friendship by a little bit more. I no longer consider him a friend as he cant meet me mid-way and i am always constantly watching out for his feelings!

You are assuming the reaction (guilt, threatened, upset).
And what exactly is your definition of "meeting you mid-way"?

I would definitely say i assumed all those three, but each id the instances had strong backups. When i say meet me mid-way means i want an open communication. How can someone maintain a friendship without communication?
If you confront me with an argument and appeal to my logic I will acknowledge your feelings and apologize for the hurt it may have caused you. I agree none of us are perfext but silence does not resolve anything.
Life is too short to follow someone who goes silent without any reason.

Posted by Starry22
I would definitely say i assumed all those three, but each id the instances had strong backups. When i say meet me mid-way means i want an open communication. How can someone maintain a friendship without communication?
If you confront me with an argument and appeal to my logic I will acknowledge your feelings and apologize for the hurt it may have caused you. I agree none of us are perfext but silence does not resolve anything.
Life is too short to follow someone who goes silent without any reason.

This could help you. For just about all of the cancers I know when you make assumptions they will let you make a ass out of yourself and they will not correct your assumption since you know so strongly what they think and feel. They will just let you run off with your assumptions and be the person you "say" they are. I've seen it too many times. They might not have even felt guilt or threatened but if you keep approaching them like they are for fact they will look at you as a lost cause or hardheaded or too dense to work with logic and knowing fact from fiction and they will choose just not to deal with you. It could be tht they aren't guilty or threatened or scared if confrontation-they just could think you lack the skills to even have a real argument so they will refuse to argue. I did some research. Lots of cancers love to speak well and love to argue. But they do it with poise and logic. If you look like you can't go toe to toe with them they won't go with you and will let you live in your own imaginary delusional world when it comes to your thoughts and perceptions of them. This is a sign that is very dismissive and doesn't tolerate the same shit over and over again an this is a very stubborn sign that doesn't care what other think or say about them. Even though they know deep emotion they can easily detach from those emotions and be very logical. More logical then most signs. Eventually they will be fed up and roll out on you while your still confused.

Most of the time they do want apologies but what matters most is being able to fairly assess the situation for what is is and what it is not then moving on to common wants not wants or likes and dislikes and solutions. But if you always assume instead of really ask them before assuming they will get fed up. 9/10 when my cancer would dip out on me or lash out it was because I assumed and never took the time to really ask or get those things clear first. It's skipping logical steps and they hate when logic skips

I don't like to argue as arguing is drama I don't like drama you pick an argument with a Cancer be prepared for a fight we don't give up till we win. Fights exhaust us I will go zone out and process what just happened and decide what I'm going to do with the person that started the argument.

Lol Starchild i agree 100 pct with whatever you said but it is not the case in point here. I am always up for discussion but he goes silent. How can you appeal to the logic of someone who wont speak up? I am a Libran i thrive on logical discussion.
This sort of immature behaviour repels me.
There is no compromise from him.
I have many Cancer girlfriends and none of them exhibit this trait.

If he's not speaking up then it must be he's not interested in you enough to talk about anything-your approach is wrong-like you might not be communicating the right way when you think you are or his approach is wrong-he might not be communicating right when he think he is. When he approaches you to talk if he does what does he say and how does he say it? When you approach him to talk what do you say and how do you say it? I ask because I see this common mistake with people. They might say ine time I talked to him and he won't respond he's immature. But then later we found out that that "talk" was a passive aggressive sideways mention of something they want to talk about but it was so indirect that the person can't understand your reason for bringing it up so they are confused and you are coming off as passive agressive and then they get fed up for trying to deal and they bounce. I bring it up because cancers won't deal with you if you keep talking sideways instead of direct. They will just go along with the nonsense and a answer only for te specific questions you asked or they will ignore you until you can grow a pair of balls. I'm not saying this is you I'm giving you examples of what I meab

Posted by BlackNova

Posted by Stihl46
I don't like to argue as arguing is drama I don't like drama you pick an argument with a Cancer be prepared for a fight we don't give up till we win. Fights exhaust us I will go zone out and process what just happened and decide what I'm going to do with the person that started the argument.

How to contradict yourself in two easy sentences.

LOL

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I will avoid arguments if I have no choice watch out I don't back down.

You are absolutely right Starchild I cannot understand those who beat around the bush. Being direct ensures that there is no room for confusion.
For instance the OP asked about "how do you argue with a cancer?" I would say - get to the point and be empathic. Do not beat around the bush! If he does not understand it, step back and let him find his way back! Be yourself else you will ultimately get tired trying to cater only to his needs and you will start detesting him. (I speak from experience)
All relationships are made of two people who need to understand each others style of communication but if one person is constantly attempting to understand the other and holding the relationship, then the relationship is no longer mutual.

^exactkt right

Plus OP says
Not to hurt feelings of course, but just to show youre not gonna be subservient, and submissive. A way you can accept.

Sounds like more of a power struggle then a real argument with solutions. Might be part of it all.

Why does the argument have anything to do with being or not being submissive?

Posted by MoonArtist
Why does the argument have anything to do with being or not being submissive?

Im a Libra, I dont care to argue... She however likes to "Fuss" (as she puts it). I'm However ppl feel like others who dont argue are boring. If I do argue I dont want to cross and hurt her feeling and I dont want to just plan out submit. Im just trying to find the balance with Cancer.

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Posted by SoInLOVE
Not to hurt feelings of course, but just to show youre not gonna be subservient, and submissive. A way you can accept.

You want to be careful about this, librans do this a lot and it does not sit well with cancers and they will recognize a power play from a mile away. Now depending on her placements she may let you "win" this one but you will have chipped away at something that could have been solidified. I know of several libras who have done this and they were extremely surprised after the 10th time of how quickly the door was slammed in their face. Of course, in true argumentative fashion their counterargument and gossip was all about that final argument and not the preceding 9 but at this point with counterarguments and logic, any way you slice it will no longer matter.

But to give you something to work with, to argue with a cancer, make sure you are as upfront as possible, that's it. If you feel there is some type of power imbalance going on, have some solid examples, do not accuse and do not make assumptions, seek explanation. Do not under any circumstances view it as a game or something to win for the sake of winning, dont rely on technicalities or be lawyerly. Seek to identify and solve a problem. If there is no practical bent to the argument then it will be quickly viewed as drama whereas your average fire/air sign will view it as productive stress relief like a good gym workout. Also, once the argument is settled and over DO NOT make any sly "gotcha" or "told you so" comments afterwards, treat it as settled and over.

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by SoInLOVE
Not to hurt feelings of course, but just to show youre not gonna be subservient, and submissive. A way you can accept.

You want to be careful about this, librans do this a lot and it does not sit well with cancers and they will recognize a power play from a mile away. Now depending on her placements she may let you "win" this one but you will have chipped away at something that could have been solidified. I know of several libras who have done this and they were extremely surprised after the 10th time of how quickly the door was slammed in their face......... Also, once the argument is settled and over DO NOT make any sly "gotcha" or "told you so" comments afterwards, treat it as settled and over.

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^^This.
I've seen Librans pull the same crap as you describe. Not all, but I've seen it.

also if at all you have to argue end it with a sweet note and make it up with her so it doesn't get bitter or bruise her ego if at all you win (I am stressing if at all)

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by SoInLOVE
Not to hurt feelings of course, but just to show youre not gonna be subservient, and submissive. A way you can accept.

You want to be careful about this, librans do this a lot and it does not sit well with cancers and they will recognize a power play from a mile away. Now depending on her placements she may let you "win" this one but you will have chipped away at something that could have been solidified. I know of several libras who have done this and they were extremely surprised after the 10th time of how quickly the door was slammed in their face......... Also, once the argument is settled and over DO NOT make any sly "gotcha" or "told you so" comments afterwards, treat it as settled and over.

^^This.
I've seen Librans pull the same crap as you describe. Not all, but I've seen it.

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Pull what "crap?" I dont see how its crap? I dont want to argue (I am a Libra after all). I cant stand arguing, its a pain in the ass, and FEELS Horrible. I just know that as a couple we're gonna argue (and she LIKES to "Fuss," as she puts it). The last time she tried to provoke something, She was mad at me, and wast talking to me, I didnt even know she was mad. So she text this video, creatively telling me she wasnt talking to me. I thought it was really cute the way she went about it. I told her it was cute (and not in a condescending way), and she didnt know how to react. She told me, she thought we were gonna at least "fuss" about it, and then make up. I dont want her to get bored, So if we HAVE to, I dont want her to think Im weak, and I definitely dont want to hurt her feelings. I dont argue or even lightly argue aka "fussing" (I guess). Im just trying to find the balance here. No "Crap" to be pulled.

I think what happened is that she really needed to express something or something's and you keep avoiding it and it's invalidating her feelings and pissing her off. She wants to talk it through and work it out. I bet she would chill out and be chill and open if you let her fuss with you about it and open up. She can't move forward with you until you make up and she knows she has the greenlight. She's playing it safe but at the same time she is waiting for you to talk to her about you twos issues.