How long does it take for a Cancer to fully trust?

My crab and I have been together one year now. On an intellectual level he knows he can trust me - that I'm loyal, honest and that I'd never manipulate or intentionally hurt him. He's told me multiple times that he knows that I'm one of the good ones and that he can trust me. But on an emotional level he sometimes acts really insecure.

His initial gut reaction might be to think I'm ignoring him or playing games with him. For example, the other day he got all sulky and pissy because he thought I ignored his txt message when in fact I didn't hear my phone and only saw the message hours later. Another time he got upset that I called but then didn't respond when he picked up. In fact, I'd forgotten to lock my phone and it accidentally dialed his number without my knowledge. Of course, once I reassure him and he emotionally calms down, he realizes how ridiculous he's being.

Do cancers ever fully trust and feel secure in their relationships or is this something I have to be prepared to deal with forever?

How does he react around your male friends?

Posted by incandescentcancer
How does he react around your male friends?

He has no problem with my male friends. He's never implied that he worries about me cheating (if that's what you're getting at).

Posted by paries

Posted by incandescentcancer
How does he react around your male friends?

He has no problem with my male friends. He's never implied that he worries about me cheating (if that's what you're getting at).

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I think he might have the classic male cancer problem of wanting to "possess" all of a woman meaning he wants himself to be the sun of your life and you to orbit him in every action of every day. This is not likely to be healthy and no woman can or should encourage or give in to this. Educate him that a woman needs her independence and she blooms best when given her space. It might sound like I am reading too much into this but trust me being a male cancer I know that this lies at the root of this issue. If you don't educate him now the relationship will be permanently imbalanced.

We had a talk. My crab was used, lied to and manipulated in his last relationship. (Which I've knows since we first started dating). Sometimes, he gets triggered by certain actions on my part. While he says he knows I'm nothing like his ex, he nevertheless initially reacts to the emotional memory that's triggered. He also said that he knows he needs to let those emotions go as he realizes that by holding onto them, he's continuing to allow the ex to have power over him and our relationship.

I now completely and fully trust my partner but it took many, many a test to get there.

Like your Cancer I had classic ex trauma (used, lied to, manipulated) so time wise it took about 3 years in total. 1 year of knowing him. 8 months of 'feeling' things out and 1.2 years of committed relationship.

idk, do you have that kind of patience?

^^ that's really not that long shell..well imo 🙂

It takes a while for me to trust. It has to be earned. Some people just don't have patience for that. I like courtship.

@Shellshocker - 3 yrs huh? That's a long time. I think I have that kind of patience - but not sure. Like someone else posted on another thread, I'm finding that I'm putting up with a lot more in this relationship than I ever have with anyone else. There's just something about this crab that makes being patient worthwhile 🙂

@LostinmyMind - Um...it is a long time 🙂 But I can also understand it. Truth is, in my opinion he should have given himself time to heal before starting to date me (or anyone else). It was/is unfair of him to burden me with his emotional trauma (which I've told him). I too had been burned in relationships several times (though never as badly as he had been). My way of coping was to not date at all - for years - until I felt emotionally strong.

@MoonMan - lol

Posted by paries

@LostinmyMind - Um...it is a long time 🙂 But I can also understand it. Truth is, in my opinion he should have given himself time to heal before starting to date me (or anyone else). It was/is unfair of him to burden me with his emotional trauma (which I've told him). I too had been burned in relationships several times (though never as badly as he had been). My way of coping was to not date at all - for years - until I felt emotionally strong.

I've come across this sort of thing much in my lifetime... Keep in mind he's human. Maybe he THOUGHT he was healed, and stuck a toe in the water, and was up to his neck before even realizing the healing wasn't complete?

Not everyone can decipher these things as readily. Can't tell you how many times something will creep up on me that I thought I had long since dealt with....

Oh... also, I'm the queen of making excuses for the other side. hahaha soooo no offence meant here. I just like to consider where "the other side" might be coming from...

Oh, and I say my previous comment with no real knowledge on how things actually began between the two of you. Like if he jumped right in the water, without any thought of healing. And if that's the case.... you were a willing participant, unless you are 16, you should know all about "rebound relationships" being bad news.

So I will presume that because you are judging him on this, that he had taken at least some time in between his previous relationship and your own.

Posted by deezie
Oh, and I say my previous comment with no real knowledge on how things actually began between the two of you. Like if he jumped right in the water, without any thought of healing. And if that's the case.... you were a willing participant, unless you are 16, you should know all about "rebound relationships" being bad news.

So I will presume that because you are judging him on this, that he had taken at least some time in between his previous relationship and your own.

He didn't take a whole lot of time between relationships. I didn't know this until much later. But I admit that it was my bad for not asking early on. And now I love him, so I want to be there for him while he works this out. I believe we're getting there. It's just taking a long time.

And fair enough. You can't help how you feel now, or how things initially came to pass. Just be careful on the judgements was my only point... 🙂 I wish you all the best with him! I think as long as he is aware and wants to be a part of the solution, it all comes down to more patience... which shouldn't be too hard with love being a part of it, I suspect.

Sorry I can't offer anything more concrete. I like to speak in vague. It's my mother tongue.